GREG-D(ELIA)'S COOKERY LESSON

Lesson 1 : How To Boil An Egg!

Firstly, find a nice small saucepan, possibly the smallest one you have in the cupboard. (It my in fact be the only one you have in the house). If you cannot find one then go and ask your neighbour to borrow his or her pan.

(You may then like to invite them to watch you while you cook, just to show them how good you are. This may gain you brownie points if you were thinking of getting to know them better but didn't know how to break the ice…).

Take a small pin and pierce the egg. This will allow any air in the egg to escape. (If the egg cracks while you are trying to pierce it then fry it instead).

Then, place the egg into the pan being very careful not to drop it into the pan as this may crack the egg. Pour on some water until it covers the egg completely.

Turn on one ring of the stove and place the pan with the egg and water in it, onto the stove ring.

Watch the egg in the water until the water begins to bubble or, as we call it in the cookery business boil.

Once the water has started BOILING turn the heat down under the ring until the water is only bubbling a little bit?!! (Play some music to bubble to if you need to).

Let the egg cook in the water for no more than 2 minutes at this point…so you had better time it using a clock, stop-watch, or egg-timer. If you do not have any of these essential items in your kitchen, do not borrow them from the neighbour as he or she will now think you are a pest!! If your neighbour has in fact joined you to watch the cooking taking place then ask them if they have a watch to time the egg with. If they do not then politely ask them to leave as they are of no use to you whatsoever.

If all else fails then start counting slowly from 1 - 120.

Wen you reach 120 remove the pan from the stove and pour the water into the sink.

Remember: THE WATER IS BLOODY HOT!!!!

If the egg falls into the sink, do not panic, just pick it up and put it on a dish. If the egg does not fall out of the pan, then take it out and put it onto the dish.

Take a small spoon and bash the egg until the shell cracks all over. Remove the shell. This part cannot be eaten unless you are serving it to someone you HATE! Now sprinkle the egg with a little Salt and Pepper for taste and place it onto an egg-cup. Using the spoon or even a knife, cut the top off the egg. This bit can be eaten if you wish. The inside of the egg should look yellow and be semi-solid. If it is too runny, then you did not let it cook long enough, or you forgot to light the stove under the pan and the water did not bubble or boil. If it looks semi solid or is a little runny then you are ready to eat it.

Serving Suggestions:

Or you can just shove the whole thing in your mouth in one go (remember, it is bloody hot, you pig!)

WARNING: if you do not like eggs, then throw it in the bin once you have completed the cooking or serve it to your neighbour once they have stopped laughing at you.