Jim started out life as a cotton plant. He was born on the 23rd of Smarch (There were 23 months in those days) in 1799. Jim was a cotton plant on a cotton plantation in mexico. Now Jim was made when his Mummy plant and his Daddy plant met each other in a pub in Arkansas in Jamacia which was at that time being infested by dope smokers and well Mummy plant inhaled a little too much smoke and well the other part of this story is history and can be found on a hidden page somewhere on this site. See if you can guess where????
Hidden Page Here
Well we now go onto the quite miraculous descovery of Genetic Modification which is important to this already confusing story. Jim has infact had 17 oparations to change him from a plant to a curtain. He has used genetic modification to aid his quest to allow him to enjoy life as a fully functioning woman (oh i Appologise) MAN (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
Jim the cotton plant was approched by a funny man in a pink floral suit who intoduced himself as Dr Rockersteinburgnerson-Smithsonian. Jim being a nosey bugger said who the F**k are you?
Jim asked again as the doctor was picking his nose at the time and wasn't paying any attention at all to what was being said. "who the F**K are you?"
"ah well" said the doctor. "I am a geneticist of the highest degree, I studied all over the world to aquire enough knowledge to transform you from a boring sterile..."
Jim interupts, "I think we have heard enough of your life story for right now."
Discruntled, the doctor walked round jim and the suddenly stopped!!!! He had been minding is own business talking to his plants, as he had heard that it made them grow quicker, when one had talked back. Now this supprised Dr Rockersteinburgnerson-Smithsonian as he did not expect a reply from a steri... Oh sorry Jim I forgot that was a sensitive subject.
Now Jim went in for his first operation with a little bit of worry as he would be the only cotton plant on the plantation with legs and feet; (there was an incident with a witch doctor from Timbuctoo but that is another story).
Another Hidden Link
After the unfortunate incident with Nob, Jim became the most special cotton plant in the field. Jim continued to meet with Dr Rockersteinburgnerson-Smithsonian and had a total of 17 oparations. Once the doctor had finished, he found that he had a very significant problem with how the operation had gone. All the staff were well trained and he himself had performed some extrordinary medical feats, BUT Jim wasn't a curtain, He had infact been turned into a HUMAN. The doctor appoligised and offered to give Jim a further 14 operations to transform him from a human into a curtain.
After three years as a curtain Jim had seen it all a tea stain, a dog peeing on him and a baby being born. These were all life changing expiriences but Jim wasn't totally happy, he missed his freinds back on the plantation.
So when all the people were in bed one night Jim crept out of the window and to the telephone. He began ringing the number 000001 untill he reched 761073 By now he was bored and hungry but he continued persistantly untill he reached 999999. Finally he had reached Dr Rockersteinburgnerson-Smithsonian, (sods law aint it). Jim talked to him and said how unhappy he was as a curtain and that he missed his friends on the plantation. The doctor was overjoyed to see him as he had been thinking and soon after he had sold Jim on the market in Dudley, west Middlands, that infact to turn a cotton plant into a human, was far better than turning it into a curtain; which happened every day anyway.
The doctor raced across to the house within which Jim was living to buy him back and to make him a human again. Dr Rockersteinburgnerson-Smithsonian reversed all the operatiuons that he had given Jim to make him a curtain to resore him as a human. This done Dr Rockersteinburgnerson-Smithsonian took Jim on a tour of the world untill they reached 3 miles down the road when his Lada car broke down and they all had to walk home. After several cups of tea the doctor said his goodbyes and left Jim to rediscover himselve as a 1 year old baby. His life progressed untill he was 12 when he met the other three members of J.D.M. who had all come from equally odd backgrounds. Since then they have all got on really well
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
They all lived happily ever after the end
NOW LEAVE BEFORE I GET OUT MY FIGHTING PILLOW
