Chapter 35
Pushing through the door Hannah stumbled down the stairs to her car. It was raining out and she hated the rain. “Go figure,” she rolled her eyes when she spotted an open window on her Beatle, “So much for leather upholstery.” Throwing her suitcase in the drunk she hoped inside and immediately turned on the windshield wipers. Situating herself she flipped on the radio and buckled her seatbelt. All she wanted was to get away from the night and the plaguing responsibilities of her life in LA. School was getting to be too much, same with work…she needed to get away. People would find out that she was pregnant and then what would happen? She’d be stuck. Yes. This was the only way.
Pulling out of the parking lot she turned up her music and focused her eyes on the road. It was over…and it was going to go her way this time.
I wonder how I'll get along
I wonder where I might belong
Losing your way is easy to do
Wandering around without a clue
He drowned his eyes on the road. Why couldn’t they focus right? All he needed to do was make it to her apartment. If he could just get there then he would be safe. He needed to talk to her, tell her that he loved her and that she didn’t need to be afraid. He needed to tell her that he wanted this child and a life with her.
The lanes blended into each other and it was getting harder and harder to decipher where he was. Luckily there we no cars around. No chance of hurting anyone, except maybe himself.
Reaching down he flipped on the radio to help him stay focused and rolled down the window. The cool air and rain woken his senses, but only slightly.
If there's a way I don't know where
If there's a why l'm standing here
Losing my mind is easy to do
Where are you...
And the rain falls down
It’s the only way it gets better
When the rain is fallin’ down
Telling me that I’m gonna make it through
“When we get to San Francisco we’ll get a nice new apartment and build a nice new life for ourselves. Mommy will look into going to, oh what’s the name of it…” she trailed of wincing her eyes at the road. The rain was pouring hard making it next to impossible to see anything. Luckily no one else was on the road. Although, the headlights of someone else’s car would probably be helpful in this case. “Berkley,” she finally remembered. “Yes, I’ll apply to Berkley.”
She never realized how much she would enjoy the feeling of being pregnant, of carrying a life inside of her. She and the child would go on to live a happy life as would Nick. They would all be happy on their own. She would get her degree and work a high profile job as a journalist. He would go on to win Grammy’s and whatever other awards he wanted for his display case. There wasn’t room for them to be together. She didn’t fit into his life.
I never thought of what it cost
All of the time I might have lost
So much to gain playing it cool
I'm better cast playing the fool
He didn’t see the car’s headlights until it was too late. Swerving the car collided into the oncoming traffic pushing off of each other like the bumper cars at amusement parks and spinning to a stop. His head slammed into the air bag, shocking him awake. Not sure what had happened he stared out the window into the dark. He looked around. Hadn’t he hit something? Where was the car? Finally he looked out the passenger-side window and spotted it. A lime-green beetle bug, the same car Hannah drove.
And the rain falls down
It's the only way it gets better
When the rain is fallin' down
Telling me that I'm gonna make it through
Running out of his jeep her stumbled towards her demolished car. He’d pushed her into a divider on the driver’s side.
“Hannah!” he screamed crawling through the passenger door to find her stuck between the wheel and the seat. Maneuvering his hands around her he peeled the seatbelt off and lifter her over in his arms. She was conscious but she barely and her head dropped soft on his chest.
Hoping the water would wake her up more he brought her out into the rain. His hand glided over her stomach and he prayed that the baby would be safe. He didn’t know much about pregnancies but he knew how critical the early stages are for the baby’s survival.
Holding her his mind wandered through all their memories together. They had been through so much together. They couldn’t possibly go through it all of it just to end. It wasn’t possible.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“Oh no, I am so sorry!” a man declared. Broken glass, food, and plates were all over the floor, and all over Hannah. “Oh, it’s OK,” she said trying so hard to sound cheerful without looking up. Hannah was on the floor putting the scattered pieces back on the tray.
“Oh let me help you with that, you don’t want to cut yourself.” His voice said to her.
“Oh wouldn’t that be the perfect ending to a perfect day,” Hannah mumbled under her breath.
“Excuse me?” the man questioned.
“Oh nothing,” Hannah replied, “thank you so much for helping me with this.” She said as she stood up, still not looking at the man, but her clothes! Ketchup and mustard was smeared all over them.
“I’m sorry. It looks like your dress is ruined,” the man told her. As pathetic as it was, Hannah’s eyes were stinging with tears, this was a brand new dress! And she thought a little coke was bad, how would she ever get ketchup and mustard out?!
Nick looked the girl over, she looked miserable. He could tell that this girl was about to go off the edge from their little mishap. However, he thought she was rather beautiful. She had long wavy brown hair to about half-way down her back, (he was ignoring the crumbs stuck in it), was about 5’2, tan, and had a knock out figure. Yet he couldn’t get a glimpse of her eyes since they were looking all over the mess she looked like.
“Well, there’s no point in dwelling on it now I guess,” she clipply answered him. “You really should watch where your...” the girl stopped as she looked up and saw who was standing before her. She just stood there with her mouth hanging open. This is when Nick got the chance to see her crystal blue eyes. The mere sight of them sent a small chill down his spine. “Wha....you’re.....um....oh.. I am SO sorry! I am such a klutz! I mean, walking into people like that, what’s wrong with me?!?” She exclaimed.
Laughing at her reaction, Nick answered, “No, you’re right, I really should watch where I’m going, especially right by the kitchen door. By the way, I’m Nick. And you are...”
“Umm...Ha..Han...Hannah.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Slowly they danced. Their bodies pressed tightly. Hannah lifted her head staring into Nick’s blue eyes. She put her hand behind Nick’s neck and moved her fingers across the shot hair and smooth skin, while watching her bracelet glitter in the moonlight. With natural instinct Nick knelt down, pressing his lips against hers. Together they kissed with the waves crashing forward and back on the shore. The cool wind blowing around their warm embrace.
As if drowning in each other's touch they could not tear themselves apart. Their lips glued together and their breath steadily increasing, their hearts pounding. The excitement surrounding them, locked inside their kiss.
Nick gently pulled back and looked in her endearing brown eyes. “You’re so amazing. I’ve wanted to do that since the moment I first laid eyes on you, with all that mustard on your dress.”
She took his hand in hers, “And I’ve wanted you to. But it was so complicated I guess.”
“Not anymore.”
Hannah looked down at the sand and then back up at him. “I,” she hesitated, “I love you Nick.” She looked directly in his eyes, “I know it’s crazy, and we barely know each other, but I...” Nick silenced her with another kiss.
“I love you too.” Smiling she pulled him down to her and kissed him.
~*~*~*~*~*~
There was a quick pause as the DJ changed the song and Nick and Hannah stood caught in the silence. Gaping expressions on each of their faces. “What are you doing here?” Nick asked with a sense of hesitation behind his voice. Hannah’s eyes wandered around too shocked to focus on him and thousands of replies raced through her brain. Unable to move, unable to speak, she stared at him fighting back the urge to just belt out of the room.
“I…I,” she stopped and widened her eyes to erase some of the building tears, “I’m here on an assignment.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
He inched towards her and cupped her battered face in his hands gently pressing his lips to the bruise that marked the side of her cheek. Kissing her he trailed down her face to her rose colored lips and paused to look in her eyes. “I really need this,” he begged. “I need you Hannah, if you’re not in my life I’m nothing but lost. I can’t find myself without you.”
She reached up and touched his hair slightly, running it through her fingers to feel its softness. “I need you too Nick,” she confessed staring right back into his eyes. “But it’s going to take time.”
“I have time,” he assured her. “And I will give you all the time in the world. However long you need, I’m there for you all the way because I’m not turning from you again.”
“I…” she stuttered as his lips hovered over his. “I love you.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Gently he touched her hand and took it in his. “It seems like you have always been here at my side. I don’t even know how long I’ve known you anymore because nothing before matters. I’ve completely forgotten what it’s like to not have you if ever I didn’t and I can only hope to keep it that way for the rest of my life. I’ve wanted a lot of things in my day but nothing worth wanting if it didn’t include you. I see my children…I see my grandchildren in my future. I can picture myself sitting on a porch watching them run around the front lawn but only when I noticed who is sitting beside me. I can’t survive without you there. I can’t live without you then and I can’t live without you now. The only way I think I ever lived before meeting you was believing that someday I would. I had faith that I would one day meet a heavenly angel and I have. I can’t go on without you because if I try I’ll be left crippled on the floor. I’m paralyzed without your love. You’ve become everything inside of me that keeps me alive and if I don’t have you I have no life. You’re my sight, my touch, my heartbeat, and my breath. If I could give you the world I would still be indebted for all you’ve given me. I know I’m not perfect, but with you life is. Let me honor you. Let me cherish you. Let me love you in a way no one else knows how. Let me be your everything just as you are to me. And,” he opened the box and lifting out a stunning diamond and platinum ring sliding it mid-way down her finger. “Let me light up your life the way this ring does your finger.” Shifting his gaze from her hand to her eyes he smiled, “Be my wife and let me love you forever.”
Speechless she stared at him with melting eyes. She felt his finger and ring pressed against hers but somehow everything else was numb. It was just him and her, that ring, and those two fingers. “Yes,” she mouthed and finally was able to speak. “Yes,” a tear trickled down her face, “I will be your wife.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
They kissed each other chaotically as though they were addicted to each other’s touch and couldn’t tolerate the second gaps to take a breath. Still kissing they traded places as he mounted on top of her holding her head in his hand. Playfully he kissed his way down her neck causing her to giggle, “That tickles,” she admitted.
“Should I stop then?” he asked still kissing her neck and she sighed in refusal. “That’s what I thought.” Persistently they continued to make love with their hands gliding over the other as if to feel that they were really there.
“Alright,” she breathed, “Stop being such a tease already!”
“Oh so you don’t like when I keep you waiting?” he winkled his eyebrows at her causing her to burst into giggles but he smothered her mouth with kisses. Each second they became more passionate as he pushed himself into her. Enraptured in the moment they didn’t notice anything around them but the others face and touch.
“Is anyone in there?” a muffled voice called out.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“This night is the best night of my life to date,” he breathed in her air. His warm breath kissing her skin.
She turned around his arms to look in his deep set eyes. “I know,” she hugged her arms around him. “I’m so happy. Everyone’s here…your family, my mom, your friends…my friends. And we get to tell all of them just how much we love each other,” she kissed his lips still with a smile on hers, “And how we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.”
“Do you think it’s legal to be this happy?” he asked returning her kiss and brushing his hand through her hair.
“Oh,” she smirked and cocked her head, “I say it’s perfectly legal in our case. So,” she ran her hands along his chest, “Are we going to make the announcement before or after dinner?”
“Hmmm,” he closed his eyes in thought, “I think we should make a toast before hand. That way the dinner conversation will only be about how wonderful we are together and how everyone should be so lucky.” She nodded her head in agreement and pulled him in for a final kiss before turning back around and finishing her meal preparation. “I’ll go round up the troops,” he kissed her neck and started towards the doorway but stopped.
“Forget something?” she asked setting the empty container of cranberries in the trash.
“Just this,” he said pulling an all familiar black box out of his pocket and sheepishly kneeling before her on the floor. “Time to put this baby back in its rightful position.”
“Yes,” she urged, “My fingers feel so cold and empty without it.” He slid the ring out of the velvet slot and reached for her hand. Gliding it along her sleek finger he kissed the top of her hand.
“Your answer is still yes right?” he winked his eye.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“Without a doubt,” she beamed looking down at her finger.
“You told me you have faith in me and that we had to be together. You played that song to me on the phone and now what? If I’m gone somehow your heart doesn’t ache?!” Quickly she came to face him and placed her hand directly above his heart, “Tell me your heart isn’t racing because you want to be with me. Tell me you hate looking at me and want me to go away,” gulped she raised her voice, “Tell me you don’t love me!”
“I don’t love you!” he screamed back at her with a quivering voice and the sharp words and tone of voice where hard for either to swallow. The air in the room stiffened and Hannah took one last glance into his eyes. Turning on her feet she walked from the room telling him plainly as she shut the door behind her, “Well I love you.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Her head lay in his hands as the rain poured down surrounding them. “Baby I’m so sorry,” he said running his hands over her hair to wash the water out of her eyes. His eyes were stinging with tears as he wrapped her shivering body close against his heart.
“I love…you…”she struggled to speak from the pain and he chocked on the words. What had he done to her? What had he done to his life? Did she realize that she was his life?
“I know,” was all he could manage to say. “I know everything and I love you too, both of you.” Their bodies meshed together and he could feel her weakening in his hold. “Please Hannah, hang on baby!” he yelled over the storm. “I can’t lose you. You can’t leave me like this. You are my life, let me keep living.”
Looking down he saw red fluid dripping from her and he realized what was happening. A miscarriage, he had stopped the life of their child before it got a chance to start. He held her closer looking up to the sky for hope, for an answer…for help.
Her breathing was hard and painful and her head ached from the crash. She knew the child was gone. She didn’t need to see the blood to know; she could feel it.
“Please stay with me,” he begged her. “Han, choose me now! Please!” The tears streamed down his face, “Please please stay with me. Don’t go. I’ll do it right this time. I’ll never ever let you go…all you have to do is hang on to me. Please!” he saw her eyes starting to close.
“No!” he shook her gently. “I won’t let you. You have to stay with me. I can’t breathe without you. Believe in me. I love you! You can’t go!”
“Live your dream” she whispered looking in his eyes. He could see her slipping away.
“Don’t say that,” he shook his head into hers. “You can make it. You’re strong. Live your dream with me! Please Han,” he bellowed and looked back at the sky. “God! Why do you do this to me! I’m sorry I did wrong but don’t punish her. Please! Please! Please don’t take her! Please!” he cried harder and held onto her tighter. Her hand dropped to her side and her head into his chest.
Sobbing he no longer felt the beating of her heart. He no longer sensed her breathing. She had left and all he could do was hold onto her body. She had left him. Crying he held onto her as long as he could with the thunder clapping and the lightning flashing all around. It shown on her face illuminating her peaceful slumber. She was gone, and he was left…lost without her, lost in the rain.
I know I will, but when will I
Stand up to myself, make up my mind
I might not have, what I had before
But I still got the rain
And the rain falls down
It's the only way it gets better
If the rain would fall down
Then I know I could make it through the night
And the rain falls down
It's the only way it gets better
When the rain is falling down
Telling me that I'm gonna make it through
Oh yeah, it's the only way
Let it rain, let it rain down on me
Let it rain, it's the only way
Joey Mcintyre "Rain"
Author's Note
Lost in the Rain Main
Homepage