Chapter 28
Ever since she returned home to Florida the only thing Hannah managed to think of was Nick. For a while she wondered how she could have allowed herself to wind up in the same hell she was in over the summer. Why she even bothered to give him a second chance. It was when she thought of the good times that things made sense because she loved him; despite what he had done to her she loved him. But she shouldn’t so she wouldn’t love him anymore. And then he gave her a sign. One phone call with no shared words changed her mind. A poignant song which made her understand how much she was losing when he wasn’t around.
So here she is, climbing off her flight home to California with an unforgettable apology rehearsing in her mind. Even though he had done stupid things to her she did just as much by always walking away, but this time she was going back. Nothing he could do would change the fact that he was the only one for her.
‘He’s the one,’ she smirked as she slid out of the taxi cab before his apartment. The time had come for her to face the music and accept that he was the only one for her, even though he makes any number of mistakes and doesn’t seem to appreciate her unless she’s gone. The doorman ushered her inside the building as she braced herself before pushing the up button on the elevator. She had planned this moment for days and the butterflies in her stomach were hardly unnoticeable. ‘I need to trust him,’ she lectured herself, coming to understand that the Brittney situation was not his fault. Although it was hard and unfair, Nick wasn’t the one who put her through that and he hated that she did.
Cautiously she crept out of the elevator and slightly waved at the bodyguard outside his door. The worst part was feeling as though her every move with him was being judged by near strangers. Nick knew the guards but since they were always changing Hannah was never able to even commit their names to memory. “Is he expecting you?” the butch man asked coldly and she could sense that he’d heard about her.
“Ummm,” she mumbled biting on her lip, “No. I mean…if…I can…well...is he here?” she struggled to talk as he glared at her. This wasn’t easy. An already difficult situation is even harder because of a macho man who thinks he has the right to pry into her personal business.
“Yes, but I don’t think he wants to talk to you,” he quipped as she rolled her eyes disgruntled.
“Well if I remember correctly your job description doesn’t involve thinking for him so why don’t you step off your high horse, lower the steroids, and let me talk to him before I start a tantrum?” Before he could even respond the door opened and Nick appeared in the hall.
With an indifferent expression he looked at Hannah and opened his mouth to mumble, “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you,” she said with a faint smile in an effort to relieve some of the building tension. Somehow she had never imagined this moment to be quite as difficult. “Can we talk?”
Nick turned to look at the guard and back at her face which was poised to break into either a beaming smile or frown. “Sure,” he nodded and turned to walk back into the room without extending an invitation to follow. Hesitating she watched his figure fade into the scenery of a lavish hotel suite and took a few cautious steps through the doorway. “What did you want to talk about?” he sighed as he lifted a bottle of brandy and poured himself a glass, again no invitation for her.
Struck with nerves she fumbled through her thoughts to find something to say to him; he was being so cold. The Nick she knew was warm and always interested in her but now she was nothing but extra space in the large room, a barely noticed presence. “I missed you,” she finally spoke up carefully watching the expression on his face not even slightly change. “There are so many things I have to tell you.”
“Really?” he countered and finally shifted his gaze from the glass in her hand to her face, “I figured you’d have nothing to say.”
“Yea,” she sighed and bit tightly on her lip, “But I made a lot of mistakes, and I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?!” he raised his voice and chuckled, “Ha! I bet you’re sorry. I should have known you were only trying to get back at me all this time for whatever itsy bitsy heartache I caused you over the summer. You really turned out to be someone completely different and just looking at you disgusts me.”
Stunned her mouth dropped as she failed to take in a deep breath, “What are you talking about?” she stammered.
“Hmm, as if you didn’t know,” he rolled his eyes in the direction of a magazine laying across the room. Approaching it Hannah noticed the name ‘People’ written in a large font on top of a picture of Nick whose headline read Nick Carter: the poisoned life of a pop legend. Speechless she held up the magazine to her face unable to blink. “Job well done,” he congratulated her before plopping down on a sofa and splashing some of his drink on his lap.
“I…I…you, I...” she struggled to breath and her lips and tongue couldn’t form together to speak a sentence.
“Very nice Hannah, your oratorical skills are quite impressive.”
“I knew nothing about this,” she spewed as she flipped open the magazine to the obliterated life story of Nick and his history with abuse, alcohol, and impregnated strippers.
Scanning through the pages her heart sunk deeper into her throat and her mouth got more and more dry. ”When we were in Florida I lost my job over him,” said Hannah Morgan, Carter’s estranged fiancé, “He got me fired for serving him alcohol while he was underage.” The article talked about their relationship, giving a detailed history and explanation of how it went wrong. ”He flipped when he saw me at a bar with [a date] and tried to hit him but ended up hitting me instead. I had to remind myself that he wasn’t a monster.”
Gasping in horror she read about the stripper who crashed the happy couple’s Christmas party with the news that she was bearing Carter’s child. When asked why she put up with such an abusive and unhealthy relationship Morgan responded, “Nick’s really good at convincing me that he’s everything I want and the only thing I’ll ever need. That’s how he got me to say yes. I don’t know, maybe it’s because he’s sung too many love songs in his day but it’s definitely a skill he’s got. But I’m not going to put up with it anymore. I don’t want to be Nick Carter’s basket case…this time I’m not going to weaken.”
“Proud of the editing?” he asked causing her to look up startled.
“You have to believe I knew nothing about this,” she said in a weakened tone of voice.
“Oh do I? Hmm, who’s the one who works at People magazine? Who’s the one quoted throughout the whole article? Who’s best friend wrote the article?!”
“Nick! Come on! I went back home to Tampa, I haven’t been at work in weeks. If I knew about this there’d be no way I’d let it get published. I would never ever dream of ruining your reputation like that!”
“Oh and what am I to believe? That it’s all coincidence that Melissa knows the ins and outs of our relationship on her own? Oh right Hannah, I maybe be a natural blond but that doesn’t mean I have no brain.”
“Of course you have a brain, I never said you didn’t. I’m just wishing that you’d use it. Nick,” she approached him apologetically, “This is me. You know me. You must know that I would never do something like this. Melissa, she…she capitalized on our friendship and god! I could kill her for doing this and I understand that you’re angry and hurt, I really do…just realize that I would never do this. I would never intentionally hurt you like this, especially publicly. I know how important your career is to you and this sort of notoriety has got to be killing you apart but it wasn’t me! I swear to you!”
“Why the hell where you talking to her about our personal lives anyway?!?!?! What did you honestly think would happen?! You know how the media is; you know how journalists work…you’re telling this woman about stuff that isn’t her business! Did you honestly think that it would never be printed?!??!”
“No!! And neither did you! We both invited her to our engagement party Nick, this hurts both of us. I never thought for one second that she was remembering everything that I said and writing it down for some article!”
“And to think it’s you telling me to use a brain,” he sneered and chugged the remainder of his drink.
“Please Nick, listen to me. I didn’t come here to rub some article in your face or even apologize for it, I had no clue this even existed. I’m here because I miss you and I know how much we’re meant to be together. I learned my lesson! I know for sure how important you are and now that I know don’t send me away…especially over something like this. Something I took no part in.”
“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” he shrugged his shoulders and paced across the room to look at out at the window over looking crowded streets. “Well,” he sighed inwardly and turned back to face her, “I guess you should get going now.”
Unsure whether or not she was serious Hannah started blankly in his eyes and when she sensed how serious he was hers began to weld with tears. “I can’t believe this,” she bellowed, “You told me you have faith in me and that we had to be together. You played that song to me on the phone and now what? If I’m gone somehow your heart doesn’t ache?!” Quickly she came to face him and placed her hand directly above his heart, “Tell me your heart isn’t racing because you want to be with me. Tell me you hate looking at me and want me to go away,” gulped she raised her voice, “Tell me you don’t love me!”
“I don’t love you!” he screamed back at her with a quivering voice and the sharp words and tone of voice where hard for either to swallow. The air in the room stiffened and Hannah took one last glance into his eyes. Turning on her feet she walked from the room telling him plainly as she shut the door behind her, “Well I love you.”
She was gone and the door was closed before him. Nothing was left except for the large room with no one in it except for himself and his brandy. Taking a seat he spotted the issue of People magazine tossed on the floor. A picture of him beaming was staring back at him and he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever truly be happy again. How could he…without her?
Chapter 29
Lost in the Rain Main
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