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Turning the key in the lock Nick walked inside Hannah’s apartment, exhausted from his encounters at the hospital. He was certainly relieved that the truth was told but wary of how it would effect everything. Crossing through the doorway into the bedroom he stopped suddenly when he saw her going through the closet. “You’re back,” he chocked.
Started she turned around and looked him up and down, “Umm, yea. I called before I came over. Mom said you were off at the hospital with Brittney.” Ready to break down and cry she bit onto her lip and continued rummaging through clothes.
“I got the results right here,” he told her tossing them on the bed as she watched them fall from the corner of her eye. “Brittney tried to switch the results and then faked some stomach pains but the truth was told,” he noticed she wasn’t listening to him, “Do you want to see them?”
Reluctantly she spun around holding a sweater to her chest, “No,” she shook her head and licked her lips, “I believe you. You’re not the father; I don’t need to see them to know that.”
“Phew,” he sighed and walked up to her wrapping his arms around her waist, “So you’re back. Good,” leaning down he tried to kiss her but she turned her head.
“No,” she looked into his crystal blue eyes which were shaking with intensity. Gazing down at his hand around her she shook it off, “I’m leaving. This isn’t about Brittney being pregnant.”
Taken back and unsure what to say he stared reading her face, looking for any sign that it wasn’t what she meant. That she was only talking nonsense. But there was something about the seriousness of her voice and expression that made him see the reality. She wasn’t kidding. “What? Why?!” he exclaimed, “Last night you were ready to get married and now you’re leaving! You better have some kind of explanation for this.”
“No,” she shook her head, “I don’t. There’s nothing to explain Nick. Last night was more than someone telling a lie. It changed everything.”
“If you plan on just packing up and moving away you’re going to have to give me an explanation first,” he ordered. When she tried to turn away he grabbed firmly hold of both her shoulders, “Now!”
“Uh uh,” she refused, “I don’t want to have this conversation again.”
“Look, I know that you’re angry about last night but I’m angry too.”
“I’m not angry. Really,” she patted his chest, “I’m not.”
“Then if you’re not angry why are you doing this?”
“Because I’m tired that’s why. And I don’t think we’re meant to be together,” the words slipped through her lips causing her to bite her tongue.
“How can you say that? We’re perfect together,” he reached for her hand but she refused his touch. “Hannah….come on, don’t do this.”
“I’m serious Nick. I’m not angry with you but I don’t think this is right. You and me,” she pointed back and forth between them, “It’s just not meant to me. All these things keep happening between us, to pull us apart. And it’s like, how many times do we have to go down the same road or have this same discussion before we finally see that we shouldn’t be together? How many times do we have to be torn apart to know we’re supposed to be apart?”
“That’s nonsense,” he shook his head, “That’s complete bull crap. I don’t know what sort of books you’ve been reading or what things Melissa filled your head with last night but that’s complete nonsense.”
“Is it? Because I don’t think so. I haven’t been reading any books and Melissa wasn’t trying to convince me of anything, I came to this on my own. It’s over Nick. It was fun while it last but it’s over.”
“I just don’t understand . If Brittney hadn’t shown up yesterday none of this would have happened and we’d be planning our lives together.” He stopped trying to touch her and walked across the room. “Don’t let that tramp ruin everything we had planned.”
“But the thing is Nick, she did. She did show up at your door. These things,” she dropped the sweater she was holding to the floor and followed him, “These things happening to us, to tear us apart. At first I thought they were just little problems that we had to work through, but now I don’t think that at all. All these things that I thought were just somethings that built up to everything aren’t like that at all. All these somethings Nick, maybe they add up to nothing. All the mishaps in our relationship, they don’t mean that we’re strengthening our relationship…they mean that there’s nothing between us and that there should always be nothing between us. Nick, we’re not supposed to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. People don’t break up because they’re meant to be together.”
“Hannah nothing is ever perfect. Brittney, the summer, all of that…those were just little speed bumps. But we have so much more to go,” a tear trickled down his face and she yearned to reach out and touch it but didn’t. She didn’t want him to cry but she couldn’t let him not.
“No Nick, they weren’t speed bumps they were road blocks. Road blocks that built up to a dead end! We can’t keep doing this to ourselves, hitting the end and then reversing to just start all over again. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living a relationship on constant replay. I don’t want to rewind things anymore Nick,” she sniffled, “I want to go forward and I can’t with you.”
“Sure you can, things are just a little rough right now that’s all,” he promised.
“I can’t, really, I can’t,” she shrugged him off and walked back across the room to finish sorting through her closet as he vividly watched her.
“So this is it? After all the time we’ve spent together…all we’ve been through…you’re just giving up?” he gulped. “Since when did you give up on things? I thought you weren’t a quitter. I thought you put your foot forward no matter what was in front of you. But I guess I was wrong. You’re scared chicken to take a chance on love because you’re afraid you’ll fall. But damn it you have fallen and you will again Hannah, that happens…that’s life! What matters is who’s there to help you up again and that’s supposed to be me! I’m the one who will help you up just as you’ll help me, we’ll help each other.” Tears streamed down his face as he stared at her unable to move his heart ached so.
“I’m tired of falling, especially with or over you. Look,” she sighed and sat down on the bed. “I’m not angry with you and I’m not upset,” she closed her eyes and softly told him, “I’m tired and I don’t want to do this anymore. Please Nick, let me go. Let me be happy,” she pleaded with him as his heart fell to the floor.
“And what about me and what I want? Doesn’t it matter that you’re the only person I see myself spending the rest of my life with…the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with? I thought you knew that. We’ve been through so much together Hannah and the good is finally starting to happen again but you’re calling quits before it can happen.”
“Nick we haven’t even known each other that long, not even a year. And we just got back together. I thought I was never going to see you again and all the sudden we’re engaged,” she closed her eyes and rubbed her hands, “It’s not right.”
“Fine,” he agreed, “You’re mother and I talked about that last night. The engagement thing did happen too fast but it’s only because I found out so soon who I’m supposed to be with. We don’t have to be engaged; we can stay together and just do what regular couples do.”
“But that’s not what I want to do anymore. I don’t want to play these games. I don’t want to be your girlfriend or have you make all these promises you never intend to keep. I’m not strong enough to pick myself up time and time again and with your lifestyle I’m going to have to. You’re going to constantly be off doing whatever and I’ll be here. I don’t want to convince myself that everything is going to be alright all the time and that if I keep breathing I’ll make it through the day. Love shouldn’t be like that.”
“And it won’t be like that!” he argued. “It will be great and it will be wonderful because you can trust me. I have never been unfaithful to you and I swear I never will be. And we’ll call, we’ll visit, we’ll make it work just like we should have before.”
“People are always going to be pining after you like that Brittney chick and I don’t want to keep fighting for your attention. You sweetheart have the attention span of a two day old and I can’t keep making you see how much I mean to you. Don’t be blind Nick; all of this has to mean something to you. This entire conversation should make it more than clear that whatever we once had is gone. All we’ve been doing is trying to recreate that love affair but all we’ve managed to do is find a second rate version. I’m not denying that we were like heaven together once, but that was it…once. It’s not like that anymore and the sooner we admit it to ourselves the better.”
“Alright,” he nodded and wiped his eyes, “Obviously you see me as someone else now, since last night, and I don’t know what to do to calm your nerves.”
“Nick….” she stared at him, “I’m not nervous. I’m completely relaxed and being honest. We’ve never lied to each other before so why start now?”
“Because you’re obviously still in shock over what happened. Don’t worry though,” he sighed and went to grab his suitcase, “When you realize what a mistake you’ve made I’ll be there to mend the pieces just like I always will be because I love you and can accept the fact that you’ve turned doubting me into some sort of favorite hobby. You’ve got my number and address; find me when you’re ready.”
He didn’t even look at her before walking out of the room. Listening to him shut the door to the apartment Hannah sighed, feeling his absence. “Oh Nick,” she muttered, “When will you see that this time it is the end?”
Chapter 26
Lost in the Rain Main
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