Chapter 2
The hardest thing about college life is that it’s a total adjustment, and Hannah was beginning to realize it Just as soon as she’d adapted to the lifestyle of living on her own in a single apartment, she threw her belongings into stacks of boxes and moved into the college dormitory, certainly not as charming. The walls were a pale chipped yellow and made of solid concrete, hardly the proper material for pictures to be hung. Her darling roommate, probably a former cheerleader, busily posted pictures of all the pop stars on their walls without a thought of how Hannah would feel…so each day she was faced with the beaming smiles of Britney Spears, Nsync, Destiny’s Child, and yes the Backstreet Boys. Darlene, the peppy roommate, offered to take long shopping trips and days at the spa and Hannah wondered if she ever attended a single class. Keeping busy at the office she balanced a busy schedule which is just as well because with all her responsibilities she didn’t have time to think of anything or any particular someone.
“Oh look at this darling dress!” Darlene squealed, she most certainly was not darling as her name might suggest and Hannah glared at her over the brim of her laptop. “Come on Hannah, you’ve been working on that thing all afternoon, put it down…life’s too short to waste writing about those boring books from literature class.”
“Yes, and life’s too short to spend shopping all day too,” she snickered continuing to furiously type away. It was beginning to dawn on her that maybe a single would have been more appropriate, not only were the freshmen in her dorm completely giddy but they were a year younger than her and she felt more like a babysitter than a peer. ‘Oh well,’ she thought to herself, ‘I suppose it’s all part of the college experience.’
Just then Darlene flipped on the television and began munching potato chips, busily crunching the bag together to make the maximum level of noise. She was a distraction to the extreme but there was nothing to be done, Hannah was in a sense stuck with her. Noticing the unavoidable teeny-bopper screams she realized precisely what it was that captivated her blond bomb shell roommate who sat twirling her hair: Total Request Live, or as the cool kiddies called it…TRL. “Don’t you think you’re a little old for that?” she said closing her laptop figuring that she was better off studying in a factory than the high pitch of the squeals which killed her ears so.
“Probably, but the Backstreet Boys are on today for the full show and I would never miss a chance to see those cuties!”
Sure enough she was right and within seconds Brain, Kevin, AJ, Howie, and…Nick walked through a backdrop into the reaching arms of hundreds of fans. Trying to create an authentic look of mystery the producers had provided fog to the scene making it look like some bad horror film…but all went unnoticed to Hannah as she gawked at Nick. Realizing that she seemed a little too interested in the amateur show she shrugged it off, “They are so lame. You really need to get better taste.”
“Riight Han, I saw you checking them out. Don’t deny it…they’re hot as fuck!”
“You really need to get your head out of the clouds because they aren’t. Besides, half of them are married. But hey, if you go for the married type go right ahead…”
“Well three of them aren’t married including the cutest one of all if you ask me...Nick, so ha.” If it were the guys of Nsync or any other pop star Hannah would have been long gone to the library but she was drawn to Nick, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him and the memories came flooding back. He still had that same smirk, that same twinkle in his eye; everything was the same except for one key thing…she was only a bystander now watching on TV like the rest of the world. Coming to grips with it she opened her laptop and stared down at the keyboard. Unable to shut out the sound of his voice…his laughter…she slammed the screen down and threw it in her backpack.
“I’m going to go work at Starbucks, be back later,” she said walking down the hall of empty beer cans and chattering college students. Thoughts of Nick inhibited her mind as she made her way across campus to the sounds of chirping birds. The sky was blue and the temperature hot, hardly weather for coffee, but she needed a distraction. She needed to swipe him from her memory. She needed to keep her promise to forget him.
“Grande Carmel Macchiato,” she told the cashier in the crowded joint, her bag weighing heavily on her shoulders. The chaos of holding a job and working as a full time student were beginning to tire on her and her growing addiction and need for caffeine was becoming apparent. Sometimes she wished that she was not working at the magazine and other times that she only signed up for half the credit hours that she had. But never did it cross her mind that she’d rather be with Nick in Sweden, or as of then MTV studios. As ridiculous and cliché as it sounds, taking it day by day worked. ‘I’ll conquer this,’ she lectured herself reaching for her drink and walking to a small table in the corner.
* * * *
The following morning, completely primped, for work Hannah was walking out the door when the phone rang. Throwing her purse on the ground she raced across the room, “Hello?”
“Hannah dear, is that you?” a woman’s voice answered and she warily answered yes. Her knees went weak when the identity of the caller was known, it was Nick’s mother. Gripping her forehead she took a seat on the edge of a chair unsure what to say.
“Jane!” she said exasperatively, “It’s so wonderful to hear from you. How are you doing?” The lump in her throat grew and grew to the point where she could barely speak, this kind woman, mother of Nick, wanted to meet for lunch. Cursing herself for toying with the notion of seeing her again and pulling her for juicy gossip Hannah politely declined the invitation, but she was stopped by Jane’s persistence. She always knew that his mother was a little on the domineering side but till then that side had never shown. “Yes, OK, lunch at Mario’s...the Italian restaurant, at 1:30 this afternoon. Great, I’ll be there.”
All that morning Hannah impatiently stared at the clock, not sure if she was anticipating or dreading her lunch date with Nick’s mom. Unable to focus on her work she knew that she’d have to stay up all night trying to finish her assigned research due the following day. ‘You’re absolutely pathetic,’ she told herself as she checked her email finding that there was one from her mother asking when she was planning to come and visit. Hannah had promised that she’d come home soon last time they talked on the phone and though she wanted to go home, she didn’t want to face the unending questions which were guaranteed from her mother. Instead she’d rather face her failures alone and busily go about her life as if the aching in her heart was simply heart burn which could be appeased with any number of medicines such as Mylanta or TUMS. ‘I’m an independent woman, I can face the world alone,’ she chanted pacing around her small office steadying a few off balance frames hanging on the wall. The clock told her it was time for lunch and slowly she grabbed her jacket starting towards the restaurant.
When she got there she found that Jane was already waiting at a table in the front window. As she walked through the door Jane frantically waved to catch her attention, little did she know that she already had it. “Darling! You look wonderful! California life’s been treating you well,” she said raising from her seat and embracing Hannah in a big hug. She smelled of perfume, the same kind Nick had bought her in the Bahamas earlier that summer. Thanking her kindly she slid into her seat, nervously twitching her ankle as Jane proceeded to tell her all about Aaron’s budding career and the others’ schoolwork. She carefully avoided the subject of Nick and Hannah wondered why she’d wanted to meet for lunch in the first place. “So how do you like college?” she finally stopped gabbing and asked.
“It’s…a rollercoaster ride,” she smiled, “But it’s a lot of fun. I have really great professors and have met a lot of neat people. Plus,” she sipped on her ice water to fix her dry throat, “I have my job still, so between my schoolwork and that I’m extremely busy. I’m having fun though.”
“Great, that’s good to hear. I was hoping you’d let me help you set up your dorm room and all but you were obviously too busy for that. I’m glad we could meet for lunch though, I’ve been wanting to see you.”
“Same here, I guess you could say I was unsure how to handle the situation. I mean, with what happened between Nick and me, I didn’t know if calling you was appropriate,” she lied. She had never wanted to call Jane, not because she despised the woman because she didn’t at all…she really enjoyed her, but she knew that calling would make her look pathetic and desperate. She knew that calling would only put her back in that place where she couldn’t stop thinking about Nick, and she’d only pry and pry for information on him in an attempt to somehow win him over. But that wasn’t the case anymore, she didn’t want to win him over…she only wanted to forget him. Which is why lunch with Jane was so difficult because sitting with her Hannah couldn’t help but remember the last time she saw the woman, waving good-bye at the airport as she and Nick boarded their plane hand in hand.
“Don’t be silly, what goes on between you and Nick is just that. I don’t choose to be involved in any of it. You don’t need to feel ashamed about not wanting to see him again, people break-up. Feelings die, nothing wrong with that.”
“Is that what he told you? That I never want to see him again?” she asked peaking her voice a little.
“Well, in so many words yes. But dear, honestly, don’t worry about it.”
“That couldn’t be further from the truth though. Look Jane, I’m not one to rip on your son before you, I would never do that...but it is him that refuses to talk to me. I don’t know what you know about me coming here, but that really upset Nick and he just stopped talking to me all together. I called him everyday for weeks and never once heard back from him. He cut me out and after a while I had no choice but to stop calling and try to move on. I would never refuse to see him.”
“Oh,” she said a little stunned, “I had no idea. Nick was just here a couple days ago, and he flew into town quite a bit over the summer for work. I asked him why he never contacted you and he said that he’d tried but you told him you never wanted to see him again. I’m really sorry, I didn’t know it was the other way around.” Hannah sat silent, Nick had been in town and still never saw or called her. It could not be more clear, their relationship is entirely terminated, and now she really was the pathetic one out for lunch with his mother. ‘Desperately seeking Nick Carter,’ she yelled at herself to stop acting so childish and immature.
“Nick wants what he wants, and that’s how he has it. I’m just sorry that things ended up the way that they have because I thought we had something real. I guess though, it was nothing but a fling.” Entirely embarrassed by the situation she stood up, “I’m sorry Jane but I really don’t think I should be here. I don’t want to overstep any unwritten boundaries Nick’s set up. I don’t think it’d be smart for me to see you or the rest of the family again. So thank you for meeting me, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to excuse myself.”
“Sweetie, don’t feel you have to go, really. Nick is my son yes, but he doesn’t rule my life. I’m not having lunch with you because of him, I was interested in seeing how you were. I won’t even mention this to him, just sit back down and we won’t even mention him again.”
She shook her head, “No, it’s best if I leave. This isn’t easy for me to say, but I’m not completely over Nick and having lunch with you is just too hard for me right now. I’m sorry,” she picked up her things and started towards the door. “It was nice seeing you, and tell Nick that he doesn’t have to worry or think about me ever again,” she said before walking away.
Chapter 3
Lost in the Rain Main
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