Chapter 42
“Ok, so we’re done with this box. I’ll go take it to the trash,” Hannah said picking up the heavy cardboard box filled with her father’s mementos. “When I get back we can start going through his shoes.”
“Alright hun, I’ll finish up with the shirts,” her mother said sorting through the piles deciding which ones should be donated to the Goodwill and which ones belonged in the trash. Lugging the box downstairs Hannah struggled to keep her balance with every step. At the front door she blindly reached out her hand searching for the knob, balancing part of the box on her knee. Kicking the door open with her foot she started outside but ran into something, someone. Dropping the box she was startled to see Nick standing before her. Captured by his eyes she momentarily forgot what she was doing.
Not sure what to say she mumbled sorry and bent to pick the box back up, “What are you doing?” Nick asked her bending down to help lift the heavy box.
“Go away Nick, I’m really busy,” she huffed starting towards the stacks of other crates to be collected for trash.
“We, we need to talk,” he said walking after her.
“I have nothing to say to you,” she said dropping the box on top of the others. Wiping her hands she headed back towards the house pushing past him. He grabbed her shoulder to stop her but she kept on walking. “Really you’re just wasting your time here.” Before he could say anything more she slammed the door in his face and looked through the peep hole to see if he was leaving or not. He wasn’t. The door bell rang again and she debated whether or not she should even bother to open the door. Suffer the heartache of talking to him or suffer from wondering what would have happened had she not ignored him? After three more rings of the bell she abruptly answered the door. “What?!” she yelled. “I thought I told you to go away!”
“Please, we need to talk about this. I don’t like the way things ended yesterday.”
“Yea well, neither do I but I’m getting over it. I suggest you do the same.” Trying to hide the pain she felt Hannah averted her eyes, refusing to look at him. Awkwardly standing in the door way she waited for him to leave. “I have things to do,” she said and started to close the door but was stopped by him holding it open.
“Please Hannah, just talk to me. Don’t shut me out. I’m sorry for yesterday, I really am. Can we please talk about it? Please?” She knew that she should resist him, but couldn’t. Despite how much she truly hated him at that moment her love was so much stronger and just hearing his voice broke down that barrier she wanted to build up.
“OK,” she whispered, “I’ll give you five minutes.”
“Come on sweetie, let’s not put this on a time limit.”
“You’ve just wasted fifteen seconds,” she tapped her foot trying to remain firm. He reached out and took her hand sending a spark up her arm, and led her out back to the patio where they could talk more comfortably. Sitting beside the pool Nick began to talk.
“First I want you to know, you need to know, that above all things I love you. Yesterday you said that I was only using you for sex, and that’s simply not true honey. I’ve meant every word I’ve ever said to you. I’ve been completely honest, I do love you more than life itself and I would never hurt you, ever!” Rolling her eyes she tried not to listen to him, he was going to beg for her forgiveness and if she heard what he was saying she would give it to him. But in her heart and her head she knew that it would be short lived. He was being honest yesterday, like he said he was being completely honest. “You are the only woman that I’ve ever loved, that I could—“
“Cut to the chase Nick, please. Your sympathies are hardly something I want to reckon with right now. You say you’ve been completely honest with me? Well what about all your broken promises? I believe you’re the one that said you’d never leave me. Well you’re the one who wants to break up over this. You say that you will never hurt me? Well what is this? Take a look around you, doesn’t it look like I’m hurting to you? You can’t think that this would be easy on me. You can’t think that I’d be happy about this. Face it, you lied. You lied to me by spouting all these wonderful things yet you can’t live up to even half of what you said. You are so full of shit!”
“Now wait just one minute, you’re not even hearing me out. You won’t even let me finish!”
“Because I know just about everything you’re going to say and I don’t buy it. You’re nothing like I thought you were. You only look out for yourself. You don’t love me! You love the idea of being with me. If you really loved me distance would not even be a factor. But it is, and one you’re not even willing to try and work through it. You just throw in the towel because you’re too damn lazy and self-absorbed to even try at something that takes work. It would be all so easy for you if I just came to Sweden and stood by your side like a little ambitionless girlfriend. But the truth is that’s just not me. So what do you do? You give up!”
“You’re being extremely unfair. I’m not asking for you to give up your life, your hopes, and your dreams. I’m asking you to spend the summer with me. This internship of yours is something that you could easily do in the fall, in fact that was the original plan. But you have the chance to start early, and what do you do? You take it, without so much as consulting with me first.”
“Damn straight I didn’t consult with you. I don’t need your permission to take a job. Why work for the magazine in the fall when I can start now? Why put off something that I’ve wanted my entire life so I can hold your hand while you record some half-whit music with your buddies in a country I know nothing about.”
“I really thought you were better than the low blows of insulting my music. You really think that you’re all that don’t you?”
“Well do you know where all of this dates back to Nick? You should because I’ve told you before, and that’s why I was so set on going to UCLA. There was a time when you knew what I wanted and you supported me. I devoted all my time to helping my father. I gave up everything and you know that me going to UCLA and becoming a journalist is just a step or two towards getting my life back. I thought you understood how important it is for me to focus on me right now. You say I’m being selfish. Well if I am, good because right now I can’t afford to sacrifice everything again. I’m willing to work hard for there to be an us. But one thing I will not do is give up everything I want for you. I just can’t do it and I won’t!”
“I’m not asking you to give up everything, anything! I’m just asking for you to wait a little while like originally planned! I don’t think asking you to hold off on California for one to two months is so terribly wrong.”
“Well then you just don’t understand, you don’t know how much you’re asking of me. Fine Nick, that’s just fine! What about you? You expected me to go to Sweden with you without even mentioning it to me. Don’t you think that’s asking and expecting a lot…possibly a little too much? What was I supposed to do, pack my bags one night and fly off the next?”
“OK, maybe that was wrong of me, but what’s it matter? You’re not coming with me anyway, you’ve made that point very clear. So go do what you want to do Hannah, I’m not going to be there for you though. I’m sorry but I’m just not willing to work at a long distance relationship now. That is too much work for a disastrous outcome. We’d break up anyway so we might as well just do it now.”
“Just do me a favor and don’t come by here anymore. I can’t even stand to look at you I despise you that much! It’s all or nothing with you! And that, that makes me sick!” She stood up and paced across the patio to the other side watching the wind blow through the trees.
“Look, I think I’m going to go now,” Nick said rising to his feet. “But think about all the time we’ve spent together, all the love we share. If after that you still don’t want to put off People magazine for a couple months then I guess we both know where that leaves us. I love you Hannah, I really do…but I’m trying to be realistic here. A long distance relationship just won’t work.” He waited for her to say something but she said nothing. “OK, I’ll show myself out,” he said and walked off the patio towards the front yard. With her back still towards him a tear trickled down her face, ‘I love you too,’ she whispered as the engine to his car roared and he drove away.
Chapter 43
Crossing Paths Main
Homepage