Chapter 8
“Do you want another piece of chicken?” Chelsea asked Nick as they sat on a blanket in some park somewhere around Indianapolis. Nick was putting on a concert to promote his solo album and had asked her along to keep him company, promising that they’d spend a lot of quality time together. The weather was perfect. One of those days that you think only exists in a Monet painting.
“No,” he shook his head. “I’m set.” Running his hand through he hair he smiled at her, “Thanks for joining me.” He pulled her into his lap and she leaned back into his chest. Together they looked at the beautiful day in silence. Listening to the birds and the laughing children playing on the swings. “What are you thinking?” he asked lowering his head to rest on her shoulder.
“Just how happy I am right now,” she grinned and lifted her hand to touch his face. “You make me so happy.”
Walking by was a petit woman pushing a baby stroller. As she passed the two of them, out dropped the baby rattle that her child had been playing with. Chelsea leaned over and handed it back to the glowing mother. “What a beautiful baby,” she gushed and stood up to get a closer look. “What’s her name?”
“Emma,” the mother answered handing the rattle back to the tiny girl. “Emma Rose.”
“That’s a lovely name,” Chelsea smiled. “Well aren’t you pretty?” she leaned over to tickle the baby’s tummy slightly causing a sweet giggle.
“Oh she looks sweet now but you should have seen her ten minutes ago throwing a hissy fit. I think someone,” the mother looked down at her daughter, “Needs a nap.”
“Well, I won’t keep you,” Chelsea stepped back. “Bye bye Emma,” she waved good-bye.
“Enjoy your afternoon,” the woman said politely and continued walking towards the parking lot.
“Wasn’t she adorable?” Chelsea asked Nick returning to his lap. “Gosh, babies are so amazing. So small and innocent yet so happy and accepting.
“Yea,” Nick agreed. “Well, we should probably get back to the hotel. I need to get ready for the show.”
“Aren’t you excited to have children of your own one day,” she continued still beaming. She couldn’t get the thought out of her head of becoming a mother.
“Not for a long long, looooong time,” Nick answered closing up their picnic basket and folding the basket. “Come on, let’s go.” Chelsea’s smile dropped as she folded up the blanket and followed after him to the car.
“Don’t you want to be a father?” she asked catching up to him hoping to continue the discussion.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged and put the stuff in the car. “I suppose I won’t have a choice when I end up getting someone pregnant but it’s not really something I like to think about. Come on Chelsea, we really have to get going.”
“Right,” she nodded. “Let’s go.”
* * * *
Trailing outside to the deck with her coffee Chelsea was surprised to see Nick staring out at the lawn. “You’re up early,” she commented taking a seat and lighting a cigarette.
“Couldn’t get much sleep,” he yawned and looked over at her. She was still in her pajamas. It wasn’t until then that he realized it was Saturday and she didn’t have to work.
“Probably the nachos. Did you get indigestion?” she asked inhaling her cigarette and closing her eyes at the relief it brought her.
“No,” he shook his head. “I couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation. You having an abortion. I feel like…”
“Nick,” she stopped him and tapped her cigarette into an ash tray. “Let’s not talk about this. OK?”
“Well then let me do the talking. I feel like…like I’m grieving for something I never knew. I just can’t get over the fact that you didn’t tell me. How could you not tell me? You made such a huge decision for both of us, on your own.”
“Well, I didn’t think…”
“Right, you didn’t think. But you didn’t know either.”
“I’d really rather not talk about this. There’s really no point. It’s over, it’s done. That’s why I didn’t want you to find out because there’s nothing you can do about it. It took a lot for me to do what I did but I did it, and I respect my decision. I’ve let it go.”
“Maybe you were right. Maybe you made the right choice. Maybe there wasn’t room for a baby in our lives but there was room for you to let me know. I feel like you robbed me of something. How could you do something like that without even telling me?”
“I did what I had to do,” she answered. “Look, you had so much going on then and so did I. There wasn’t anything else I could have done. It wasn’t the time for us to start thinking of having a family.”
“We could have started a life together,” he continued ignoring her. He didn’t want to be upset, but he was. “I know that I can’t be angry with you. Because yes, it’s over. But we could have started a life together but instead you just killed the possibility of that ever happening.”
”Look!” she raised her voice, “Don’t start telling me that I killed our child. Ok! I went through a lot of pain over what I did but putting the blame on me isn’t going to help anything! Maybe, you should start blaming yourself. For even putting me in that position. If you’d just once given me hope that we’d have a future together then maybe I would have told you but you’d always made it clear that none of that family and marriage stuff was in your schedule.”
“I’m not trying to fight with you!” he yelled and slammed his hand down on the table. “I’m trying to have a conversation. I’m trying to talk this through like adults the way you wouldn’t let me before! Listen to me, instead of making up what I’m saying. I told you I’m not angry at you and I don’t blame you either!”
“You know,” she inhaled another drag. “I used to talk to our child before the abortion. There were two weeks I knew I was pregnant before I went through with the abortion and I’d really talk to it. Yet the more I talked to her I knew that it couldn’t happen. It wasn’t the right time. It was all wrong and I did a horrible thing. Not once did I ever think I’d have an abortion but I knew that I couldn’t raise her alone. And…and I couldn’t trust you to be there for us.”
“What kind of person do you think I am?” he asked completely baffled. “How sick do you think I am? You knew that I loved you yet you think I’d just leave you alone in the world with a child to raise on your own? Of course I would have supported and stood by you…”
“Well then do that now ok? Respect what I did and let it slide.”
“I can’t! You’ve had time to grasp this but I haven’t. You told me just last night that you got pregnant with MY child and kept it from me. Now the child’s gone and I’m left with this memory of something I never knew.”
“Need I remind you, that you said that you’d have no choice but to be a father when you got some girl pregnant. Well, I got pregnant and I took away that burden from you. Gosh, I’d think you’d be thanking me for what I did not sitting here yelling at me for it.”
“How can you say that?” he asked. “Thank you? Of course I won’t thank you. It’s not something I should be grateful for. Now, if you’d included me in on your little secret maybe then I’d have something to thank you for. For letting US make the decision on OUR baby.”
“There’s really no point in talking about this anymore,” she stood up shaking her head frantically. He caught a glimpse of the tear rolling down her face and suddenly he felt sick with grief. He’d gotten so caught up in anger that he’d forgotten the most important thing that Diane had told him. Chelsea had lost something in the abortion. Now he knew she meant that it killed her. Yet there he was yelling at her for something she so obviously regretted.
“I’m sorry,” he stood up and tried to hug her but she pulled away.
“Don’t touch me!” she snapped.
“Chels,” he whispered and drew her to him. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you. I should have known how much this hurt you.” Rubbing the back of her head he looked down into her eyes with care. “I love you,” he told her. “We’ll get through this together.” He wrapped his arms around her and she succumbed to his hold and he realized that this was the first time they’d ever gotten through anything together. Up until then everything was just fun, easy, light stuff. He wasn’t there for her before when she needed him but he was there now.
“Whatever,” she pulled away and his heart sank at her answer. She was supposed to say she loved him back. But she didn’t. “I have things to do…” she said looking down at her watch.
“Yea? Like what?”
“I was thinking of painting the downstairs bathroom and need to pick out a color at the store,” she answered and he looked at her with a smile. “Oh no,” she shook her head. “Don’t think you’re gonna help me with that. You have absolutely no taste.”
“Aw, come on,” he whined pulling on her hand. “It’ll be fun. Going to those home stores together doing something together for our house. It’ll be a project.”
“See, you never take these things seriously. This will be one of the many ‘home projects’ you start and then hire someone to finish,” she laughed and he shook his head. “Fine, you can come to the store with me if you insist. But you have absolutely no vote in the color of paint.”
“I’ll drive,” he nodded and hopped to. Rolling her eyes Chelsea remembered the last time they’d decided to work on something together. Nick had decided that he wanted to put in another garden and instead of hiring the landscaper like normal he ended up hitting a water line with the shovel causing a huge disaster. He wasn’t really knowledgeable when it came to home repairs.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked abruptly.
“Because,” he sighed looking at her. “Because you never believed I had it in me to take anything seriously. You never believed I had enough determination to wait anything out. Well, I’m going to prove you wrong the way I should have so many times before. I’m gonna prove to you that I’m serious about loving you and wanting a future together. And I’m determined enough to make it work. No matter what tricks you pull. No matter how many times you hurt me in the process. I have it in me and I’m gonna show that to you if it’s the last thing I do.”
“And how will you know when it’s working?”
He looked at her and smiled, “Somehow I think it already is.” He turned on his feet and walked in the house to get ready to go paint shopping. Once out of the room he didn’t see the look on Chelsea’s face. The face of surrender.
* * * *
“What about red!” he suggested. “Just like in Sex and the City. Mr. Big painted his wall red and it looked bad ass.”
“Figures you’d be getting decorating ideas from television shows…” she mumbled flipping through the color chips. “No, I think we should paint it a pale purple.”
“Lavender?” he pouted. “I’m a guy Chels. Only gay guys like purple and pink.”
“And only gay guys know that pale purple is called lavender. Wow, looks like you’re gonna be working your way out of the closet any day now.”
“I am not gay!” he exclaimed causing a few glares. “You of all people would know that.”
“I’m not so sure. You didn’t have any problem having sex with me but then you don’t ever seem to have a problem getting it up,” she eyed his crotch and his face turned a bright shade of red. Just like silly Mr. Big’s red wall. “Still wanna paint it red?” she asked laughing at him.
“Purple’s fine,” he groaned. “Give it to me and I’ll go pay for it.”
“That’s alright,” she walked away and he followed after trying to stop her. “Really Nick, I don’t need you to pay for paint. I have a job remember.”
“How could I forget?” he quipped. “You seem to hold anything you have over my head like a mistle toe.”
“And I hope that’s certainly not giving you any ideas,” she added. “Cause no way am I kissing you.”
“No,” he flicked her lip. “But I sure do remember a time when you were more then willing to lend me those lips of yours.”
He groaned as she shoved the paint hard into his chest, “Fine then Big Shot, you pay for the paint.”
“I think I will,” he tipped his nose in the air and walked away with a shuffle in his step. Watching him she stroked her hand through her hair and bit firmly on her lip. Why was this too easy for her? It was far too easy spending time with him. Their conversations flowed like…well, like something flowy.
“I’m glad you’re here with me,” she admitted as he carried out the heavy gallons of paint. “It’s nice spending the day together like this.”
“Sorta like old times isn’t it?” he asked shutting the hatchback and walking around to the driver’s side.
“Exactly like old times,” she nodded. He drove out of the parking lot. As they passed the McDonalds on the corner she gasped, “Stop here! I’m starved.” Nick looked at her surprised at her suggestion. This was where they’d met. There, oh so long ago, over quarter-pounders and French fries she had crashed into his life and nothing had ever been the same.
“Alright,” he sighed. “Drive thru?”
“No, I wanna go in.”
* * * *
“Don’t look now,” Lisa mouthed chewing on a fry. “But David just walked in the door.”
“What!” shrieked Chelsea. She turned around to spot him as she felt Lisa kick her shin. “Ow! God, hide me. He called me last night and asked if I wanted to come to his birthday party tonight and I lied saying that I had plans with my new boyfriend.”
“What new boyfriend?”
“Exactly. What new boyfriend? I don’t have one. God!” she dropped down in her seat. “If he sees me here with you he’s gonna know how pathetic I am. God. I hate McDonalds.”
“It was you that wanted to come here,” she reminded her. “Not me.” Grimacing at her hamburger she looked up and repeated, “Definitely not me.”
“Alright, alright,” she hissed. “Shut up! I’m gonna…I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” she concluded and stood up at exactly the wrong time.
“Chelsea?” he exclaimed and walked over to her. “What are you doing here? I thought you had plans today with your new guy?”
“Uh yea,” she nodded and looked down at Lisa who was absent-mindedly sipping up on her coke. “We’re meeting up in just a bit. Lisa called me up and asked if I wanted to get some lunch.”
“Oh,” he nodded. “Well hey, you should bring him to the party tonight. I’m sure everyone would love to meet the new man in your life.” Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to make a hard situation even harder by forcing her to lie more and more?
“Uh, yea…I’m sure you would but not tonight. Sorry, some other time. We’ve got plans…”
“Oh yea, what are you doing?”
“He’s making me dinner tonight. Wants to prove to me that he’s a master in the kitchen or something silly like that. I think it’ll end up going pretty late…if you know what I mean.”
“Right,” he smiled. “Well if you change your mind of course the two of you are welcome. You know how to get there right?” He was just taunting her. Of course she knew how to get to his apartment.
“I sure do,” she looked into his eyes and then over his shoulders spotting a tall blond walk in the door.
“So what’s he like?” David asked continuing the conversation. He must have known she was lying. Why else would he interrogate her like that?
“He’s…he’s tall, and blond…and,” she was interrupted by the tall blond interrupting.
“Excuse me,” he tapped her.
“Oh! Honey!” she leaped up and kissed him. Full on. Hoping that would shut David up and not thinking at all about how stupid she was acting. Why couldn’t she just tell him the truth! Luckily enough the blond, though noticeably shocked, did kiss her back. “I’m so surprised to see you here. I didn’t think we were meeting up until later. This, this…” she glared into his eyes hoping he’d go along with her childish act, “This here is my ex-boyfriend David. He was just asking about you. Wants us to come to his birthday party tonight and I assured him we were busy tonight.”
“Oh right,” he nodded and looked at David, holding out his hand. “The movies,” he smiled. “I’m Nick by the way.”
“I thought you were making her dinner?” David asked as he looked at Chelsea’s embarrassed expression.
“Yea,” Nick leaped in. “I am. But I’m also going to show darling here,” he wrapped his arm around her, totally not knowing her name, “My favorite movie of all time. The Goonies!”
“Puh-lease,” Chelsea laughed. “As if we’re watching that childish movie. Nick honey, don’t you think we should watch something a little bit more romantic?”
“Whatever you say beautiful,” he patted her back and lowered his hand to pat her ass. Never fails. Guys will always take any available opportunity to feel up, or down in this case, a girl. Although she would of course allow him. She desperately owed him, whoever this Nick was, for what he was doing.
“Ok then,” David smiled. “Well I’m gonna grab my lunch and head on out of here. But again, if you change your mind I’d love to have both of you at my party.”
“Alright David, happy birthday,” Chelsea yawned and watched him walk away with a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you so much,” she turned to Nick. “I’m sure you think I’m totally crazy but that was my ex and you see, I told him this little lie that I’d got a new boyfriend and you interrupted his interrogation. He wasn’t buying it so I had to do something. I am so sorry for coming off as such a freak. Really, I’m not insane. I promise.”
“That’s too bad,” he shrugged. “I sorta liked you when I thought you were crazy. What’s your name again?”
“Oh! Chelsea,” she gulped. “I’m Chelsea. And this is,” she looked down at her friend at the table, “Lisa.”
“Well Chelsea,” he grinned. “I think this is some what of fate working here cause you see, right before you planted that huge kiss on me, I was about to try hitting on you. But, of course, you did a far better job then I ever could.”
“Aren’t you a Backstreet Boy?” Lisa interrupted their conversations. “Sorry, it’s just…you look so familiar.”
“Uh yea,” he nodded with a frown. “I am. Did you want an autograph or something?”
“Sure, if you have a minute,” Lisa smiled and grabbed a piece of paper and pen from her purse but was stopped by Chelsea. Somehow she’d noticed the look of disappointed on his face when Lisa had dubbed him a celebrity.
“Not now,” she informed her and Lisa retreated back to her lunch. “You must hate that…being badgered for autographs all the time. Listen,” she suggested, “The least I could do is buy your lunch for what you did for me. I really appreciate it.”
“Did for you? The jobs not over,” he smirked and she winced, confused. “Sounds like we’ve got an appearance to make tonight at a very distinguished party with a very annoying ex-boyfriend of yours…”
“You’re kidding right?” she laughed.
“No way,” he grabbed her hand. “This Chelsea is the beginning of a very exciting and very fake love affair.”
* * * *
And that was that. That was how they met and Chelsea couldn’t help but wonder eating her lunch if that was all it was. A very exciting and very faked love affair. Sounds like Nick for the first time in his life had actually gotten it right.
“What are you thinking about?” Nick asked noticing her mind was elsewhere.
“About when we first met…”
“Finally!” he shouted and raised his arms in the air victoriously. Her eyes lifted up to look at him with an annoyed expression. “Finally you start to focus on the positives and not the negatives.”
“Uh huh.”
“I’ve been waiting for you to remember that day for so long!”
“It’s not like I forgot,” she mumbled. “It just isn’t the only thing to remember. There are also lots of other things like the time I surprised you and found you in bed with your backup dancer Teresa,” she emphasized her name and how much it sounded like a stripper instead of an actual intelligent human being. “Or all those times you’d say you’d call but didn’t because you were probably out drunk getting on other girls.”
“What happened when we weren’t together wasn’t probably much different for you,” he snapped. “Don’t think I don’t know about that Jeff guy.”
“Jeff!” she gasped. “Jeff! Oh as if you can hold that over my head.”
“I’m not holding anything over your head. I’m not mad at you about that so why should Teresa matter to you.”
“She doesn’t,” she bit on her chicken nugget. “I was just saying that there are other things about us that we both need to remember other then the day we met.”
“I did you a favor that day,” he smiled. “You still owe me for that.”
“I thought I just heard you say you weren’t holding anything over my head. So what, now I’m indebted to you? Please Nick, just give it up. You’re bipolar.”
“Ha!”
“Ha!”
“Well if I’m bipolar then you’re…obsessive compulsive. Obsessive compulsive and pessimistic.”
“And you,” she pointed at him. “You’re a narcissist!”
“Oh yes,” he primped himself out. “Damn straight I am!”
“Oh shut up.” She continued eating her lunch as he watched her intently. He had never once seen someone as beautiful as her. She didn’t have any make up on but looked totally like someone off the cover of Vogue.
“I love you,” he added. He always had to have the last word. Always.
“No you don’t,” she answered for him. “You’re deranged.”
“And you’re strange!” he laughed at his rhyme.
“Nick, can we stop with the childish antics. I’m trying to eat my lunch here.”
“You started it!” he accused and laughed. When she looked at him he immediately silenced himself. “So how did you meet John Mayer?”
“We met at a club, hit it off pretty well. Why?”
“Just trying to make conversation…” he couldn’t help but feel weird that she’d been dating other people since their breakup when he really hadn’t. Sure there was the occasional girl at a club, but nothing remotely serious. Not even a date. Random hook ups, that was it. Somehow Chelsea was the only girl he could see himself hooking up with, that meant something. “Do you like him?”
“Better then you,” she answered abrasively looking up at him with a furrowed brow. She didn’t like him prying into her life like he was. It made things more complicated then they already were.
“Ouch,” he sighed and rolled up his wrappers. Though she was harsh she didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. It was just, too hard to be with him anymore. Why had she opted to not go through the drive thru?
“I’m sorry,” surprisingly she apologized. “I didn’t mean that. Yes, I do like him. He’s a great guy. You’d like him too if you gave him a chance.”
“Oh I do, I have his cd.”
“Not just his music. Are you just your music? No. Neither is he. He’s really a lot of fun to be with and has an amazing sense of humor. It’s like…it’s sharp but not abrupt. He’s not trying to be funny, it sorta flows. Like, like…a river. His sense of humor is like a river. He can’t help but be funny though it’s not intentional.”
“Ok Chels, you don’t have to sit here metaphorically speaking about his river humor. I’m not Huck Finn. I don’t really care about rivers.”
“I seem to remember it being you asking about him, not me bringing him up. So, I’m only trying to oblige and offer some kind of description of him.”
“Frankly I don’t really care,” he gulped down on his coke and checked out the girl taking a seat across the room to purposely piss off Chelsea. If she was all wrapped around this river dude then he could certainly scan the crowd at McDonalds.
“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes and continued eating. “But really, I do think you’re bipolar. It’s like this on and off switch in your head or something.”
“I’m an electric current, that’s right.”
“Don’t try to talk physics Nick, please. I’m well aware that you graduated from the Bill Nye the Science Guy school of nonsense.”
“That I did,” he nodded with pride and she noticed the sparkle in his eye that she’d fallen in love with that day long ago at this same McDonalds. Funny how things have a way of changing. Even more funny how things have a way of staying the same.
Chapter 9
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