Chapter 19
"Are you nervous?" Glynda asked while buttoning up Chelsea's gown. Somehow everyone had managed to get through the night and the wedding day had arrived.
"No," she smiled at her reflection in the mirror and shook her head. "I think I would be if it weren't for last night. Gosh mom," she spun around to face her. "He gets it. He gets what I need without even having to ask."
"I'm glad," she kissed her daughter's cheek. "I'm glad. And I'm very happy for you--"
They were interrupted by AJ peeking his head in, "Is it safe?" he asked with his eyes closed.
"Yes!" Chelsea beamed and rushed over to him. "I'm so glad to see you!"
"You look...amazing..." he glanced at her from head to toe before taking her in his arms for a huge hug. "Gosh, I can't believe you're getting married. That's so scary!"
"In a good way," she added. "Mom," she turned around, "Do you mind going to check on the flowers and everything while I talk to AJ?"
"No problem," Glynda smiled graciously and left the room.
"So, you made it," she started, "Brian and all them here with you?"
"Yea, we got in town last night," he nodded as he paced around the room, "No Nick though."
"I know," she nodded, "I knew he wouldn't come but that's ok. I doubt I'd be too thrilled to attend his wedding either -- after everything we've been through."
"Yea," AJ took a seat and played with the veil, "He's happy for you though. We all are."
"Thanks, that means a lot. And what about you? Wedding bells anytime soon?"
"No, not soon. It's funny, how there are so many girls out there but how few are actually worth settling down with."
Taking a seat at her vanity Chelsea examined her make up and hair closely. "I know. I'm so lucky I found John. For a while I thought I'd be single for the rest of my life. And of course after you've had your heart broken it's even harder to trust--to open up--to believe."
"I guess that's it," AJ smirked, "Since Sarah I've had a hard time believing that love even exists anymore."
"It does, trust me it does," looking at the clock Chelsea quickly reapplied her lip gloss.
"Chels!" her mother peered in the room, "It's about that time, are you ready?"
"Yes," she smiled slowly. "AJ," she rose up to hug him, "I'm so glad you came. See you at the reception?"
"Wouldn't miss it," he assured her. "Congratulations Chelsea. Congratulations."
"Thank you," she kissed his cheek, "And thank you for dropping in before the wedding."
He walked out and Chelsea returned to her position before the mirror examining every last detail. Carefully she placed the veil atop the crown of her head and gasped at the reflection of a bride. She was a bride, minutes away from walking down the aisle. Everything had come together perfectly. The shoes. The dress. The jewelry. Everything a culmination of months of thought and concern, and she couldn't be happier with the way it all turned out.It was a perfect day. Nothing like she'd imagained it would be. No butterflies. No nerves. She was totally calm as she anticipated her walk down that long aisle.
Smiling at herself Chelsea played with the dress in her fingers, smoothing it out prestinely. She focused on her smile, taking a mental picture. She focused on everything about herself. Then she noticed something appear in the mirror, something that wasn't there before. At a closer look she realized it wasn't a something but a someone. Nick.
"Hi," he mumbled, entering the room, "You look--great," he gawked as he walked towards her...Chelsea watching his every move in the mirror. "I know I said I wasn't coming but I couldn't stay away. I couldn't not see you on your wedding day."
There she stood, frozen in her own reflection. Unable to move. Unable to speak. She stood still watching Nick as she fought to swallow her stomach down from her throat.
"Do you want me to leave?" he asked. Her eyes still focused straight ahead at the mirror. No response. "Ok," he held up his hands, "If I'm bothering you I'll leave. I don't want to ruin your day."
He turned to leave and somberly approached the door, Chelsea watching closely. "I'm glad you came," she spoke up as he touched the door handle. Turning to look at him she exhaled and smiled, "I really am."
Nick walked up to her, staring deep in her eyes. He opened his arms and embraced her warmly, "I always knew you'd make a beautiful bride," he whispered in her ear arising a chuckle from Chelsea against his chest. He could feel her heart beating and it was then that he realized the power of a heartbeat.
There, with her heart up against him, with her heart tightly in his arms, he realized that no matter how long he waited, no matter who she was with, he would never want her with anyone else. Holding her there in his arms he knew it was selfish but he felt that after everything, her heart should only be his.
"I'm nervous now," she backed away, laughing slightly. "I was fine, totally fine...now you've shown up and..." she laughed again, pointing at her stomach, "Butterflies."
"I don't blame you," Nick said softly, looking at her dressed all in white. A stray piece of hair laid gently across her forehead, above her eyes. He pushed it aside.
"Don't blame me. For what?" she asked confused by his blunt statement, still feeling his touch on her skin from where he swiped away her hair.
"Choosing him," he relinquished, "I get it, I do, and I'm glad."
Looking deep in her eyes he wanted to tell her to stop. To say no. To not walk down that aisle. But something inside of him wouldn't allow it. Perhaps he had found his conscience but it seemed unfair to tamper with her happiness...and he believed she was happy, no matter how unhappy that made him.
"Thank you," she smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for that, really. That means more to me then you know. Nick," she bit her lip, "I know things have been so hectic between us but I truly believe everything will work out in the end. I am happy--so happy! And I know that someday you'll be just as happy."
He looked at her, listening to every word.
"I want us to stay friends, I want us to have the future we always wanted. I want us to grow old together. I've given this a lot of thought and John will have to get over it because I do love you and I want you in my life--"
"Don't," he interrupted.
"No," she took his hand, "I mean it. I really do."
"No! Don't marry him!" he yelled. Stunned by the words that came out of his mouth Nick shook his head in his hands, looking up he saw her staring at him in shock with a look of sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this! I wanted to come here and wish you well but I can't. I can't be ok with you marrying him Chelsea! He is so wrong for you and I can't put my feelings aside. I know you think I never did anything good for you and maybe you're right..but I know what is good for you and John's not it!"
"Nick--"she started.
"No! Chelsea! I don't think you get it! You can't be happy with him, not truly happy with him, and I'm sick of you lying to me and yourself. Your heart--" he placed his hand over her chest, "Isn't in it and you know it! And I'm not telling you to walk out because of me because I can't -- I could never tell you to do that. But I can tell you to do it for you! Please," he grabbed her hand, "Don't make a mistake this huge because you're running away from me. Go ahead and run as far as you can but stop lying to yourself."
"I am not lying to myself," she spewed and yanked her hand back. "God," she spun around. "God! To think that you could be civilized just once. That you could let me be happy!"
"I do want you to be happy."
"No Nick! You don't! You want me to follow you everywhere but I won't! Jesus Christ! How much of an idiot would I have to be to listen to a thing you say, you! You the guy who's lied to me too many times to count!"
"Chelsea," he begged. "Please trust me. Please."
"Get out!" she screamed and pushed him towards the door.
"Chelsea, I love you too much to let you do this!"
"Get out Nick!"
"Listen to me," he grabbed her by her shoulders. "Please just listen to me."
Taking her hand she threw it against his face. Slapping him. Taking back her hand she looked at him with disgust, him shocked.
"Chelsea," he tried once more but was silenced by her raising her hand once more, "Ok, ok. Fine," he backed down. "I'll go," he walked towards the door. "I won't stand in your way but just know--that I love you. I love you," he whispered. "And you'll always have a home with me."
"I already have a home thank you," she sneered. "And it's with John. You said you didn't want to ruin my wedding day so don't. Go Nick," she wiped away a tear from her eye, "Just go."
"I didn't mean to make you cry," he apologized, moving towards her.
"Well you did, just as you always do."
"Not always," he shook his head. "And you know that."
"For God's sake would you just go?!" she yelled. "You're ruining my make up!"
"Ok," he promised. "I'll go, but not until I do this--" he rushed up to her and placed his hands on the back of her neck. Pushing her head towards him their lips slammed together. Forcefully he kissed her and with every attempt to break free Chelsea was met with Nick directing her lips against his.
Reaching her hands up Chelsea pushed back from his chest abruptly, "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
"Proving my point," he boasted. "Trying to anyway."
"Why can't you just be happy for me? Please Nick," she looked him in the eye showing the girl she used to be. It was the first time Nick caught a glimpse of her in ages. That full of life, spirited girl she once was. "Let me go."
Biting his lip he tasted the vanilla of her lip gloss. She always had been a 'girly girl' in the traditional sense of the word, especially with make up. She was so many things that he somehow lost sight of somewhere. How foolish he was. But as they say, sometimes you don't see what you have until it's gone.
"I'm sorry," he spoke up and turned towards the door, "But I can't. I'll go," he assured, "But I'll never let go..." turning away he walked out the door, shutting it behind him.
Standing in the middle of her dressing room Chelsea stared at the closed door before her. Looking back at the vanity she spotted the time on the clock. Solemly she picked up her bridal bouquet. White roses and lillies of the valley.
With her head held high she walked out into the church.
* * * *
Nick raced furiously down towards the sanctuary. His mind was racing, replaying everything that had happened between them since they day they met. Yes, he'd fucked up. Fucked up more times then she ever shuld have forgiven him but to marry someone else? To marry someone that couldn't possibly know her as well as Nick? "God damn it!" he screamed and punched a wall.
"Hey!" AJ hushed him. "We're in a church dude...mind watching the language?"
"She's marrying him," Nick looked at his best friend, his face full of anguish. "And what's funny is she thinks I'm selfish...and yea, any time before now if she or anyone else called me selfish they'd be right but today? Today is all about her."
Breaking away he looked into the church at the crowd of people gathered to watch Chelsea become Mrs. John Mayer. He could see John at the front of the church straightening the best man's bow tie. He could see Chelsea's whole family clicking pictures of the flowers. Of each other. Of the soon to be wedding.
Turning back to AJ he frowned, "Today's she's gonna make the biggest mistake of her life and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. He doesn't love her Age...not like I do, and he's only gonna end up breaking her heart."
"OK," AJ breathed tensely, "Don't shoot me for saying this, but I have. He's gonna break her heart. You mean in the way you did? The biggest mistake of her life. More of a mistake then taking you back all those times only for you to lie and cheat on her again? I know you love her but what makes you think you're honestly more worthy than him? He's never lied to her. He's never cheated on her. He's done nothing but make her happy. You do want her to be happy right?"
"Of course I do!" Nick retorded. "That's all I want!"
"Then let her be happy," AJ pleaded. "Don't show up here on her wedding day and ruin it."
"I already did..."
"Ok then STOP! Don't make it any worse Nick. Walk out and let her have her day. She's gonna marry him whether you like it or not so why make it even harder?"
"Fine," he sighed dropping his head down.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" they were interrupted by John appearing.
"Everything's fine," AJ stepped in.
"No everything's not fine," John argued. "What are you doing here Carter?"
"He's--" AJ started.
"It's ok AJ," Nick silenced him. Stepping up to John he looked him in the eye. "You win," he surrendered. "You win and I won't stand in your way. Just let me promise you something, while we're on the subject of vows...if you hurt her, in anyway...I won't sleep until you pay. I'll spend every minute, every second of my life seeing to it that you live to regret it till your last breath. Got it?"
"Yea," John nodded calmly, "But I think you have me confused with someone else..."
"Oh yea?"
"Yea, you," he smirked and rocked back on his feet. "Now if you excuse me, I have a wedding to get to. Don't let the door hit you on your way out."
"God I hate him," Nick mumbled. Running his fingers through his hair he fought back the tears that had been hiding behind his eyes since he left Chelsea in her dressing room.
"I think I'm gonna go in," AJ motioned to the door. "Are you gonna be ok?"
"Yea," Nick nodded, "You go. I'll be...fine."
"Ok, you're not gonna rush in and interrupt the ceremony right?"
"No," he chuckled at the idea. "I promise I'll stay completely out of it."
"Good," AJ concluded and walked in the sanctuary to watch the ceremony.
Breathless Nick sunk back in the shadows as he rubbed his temples. Trying with everything he had to figure just where to go from there.
* * * *
"Ok!" Leslie gushed. "This is it! How do you feel?"
"I dunno," Chelsea shook her head. "I feel like I'm in a dream. Like I'm floating..." she smiled. "I'm so excited."
"Ok, look at me," the photographer hollered as he snapped the last photos of Chelsea before her walk down the aisle.
"No last regrets?" Leslie pried playfully.
"Yea," Chelsea admitted. "I regret not sleeping around more," she laughed. "Cause all I've had is all I'll ever get."
"Hey! You said not to throw you that kind of bachelorette party!"
"I know, I know," she confessed. "But that's it. Everything else--said and done."
"Ok! You're up!" the minister's wife cued as the doors opened to the sound of the wedding march.
Bracing herself Chelsea firmly gripped her bouquet and looked out through her veil at the hundreds of faces, hundreds of eyes all on her. The music overpowered her as she struggled to remember how to walk.
Nick made his way out of the shadows and stood in the outside asile of the church. He looked over at the her watching intently as she paused in the doorway. He could see her chest rising and falling. She was nervous. More nervous then he'd ever seen her.
Taking a deep breath Chelsea remembred and took a step forward with her right foot. She kept her gaze straight ahead. There was John, calling to her with his eyes. Calling her to her future. With each second passing came another step forward.
Walking along side her Nick felt the two of them completely aligned. He couldn't take his eyes off her. 'Any second now,' he told himself. 'Any second now till she bolts.'
'I love him,' Chelsea told herself with a smile as she glared up at John. She was making her way down the aisle towards a brighter future. There were no flowers. There were no flashing cameras. There were no faces. There was only two eyes staring at her, guiding her. Every step of the way. Right. Left. Right. Left. Breathe in. Out. In. Out.
Right. Left. Right. Left. Nick followed her lead careful never to take his eyes off her, not even to blink. Yet he noticed them getting closer and closer to the front of the church. She hadn't stopped. She hadn't turned to run.
Right. Left. In. Out. Right. In. Left. Out. Right. In. Left. Out.
Why wasn't she running? Nick's heart was beginning to panic. Right. Left. He was sure she wouldn't be able to go through with it. He was sure! How could she marry John after the way the two of them had left things?
Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. 'Almost there,' she sighed. Right. Left. In. Out. Right. Left. In. Right. Out. Left.
Right. Left. Right--he stopped. He stopped when he saw her take John's hand and walk up the steps towards the minister. Flustered Nick felt the earth move out from underneath him. She was going to do it. She was getting married...to John. Sick to his stomach Nick rushed to the exit and pushed his way out into daylight.
Clutching his chest he couldn't breathe as he ran to the parking lot. In his car he cranked up the air conditioning and drove out of the lot...with the tears he fought so desperately against streaming freely down his face.
Right. Left. In. Out. Right. In. Left. Out. Right. In. Left. Out. Right. In.
Left. Out.
Chapter 20
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