1/3/00-Hello, as a service to my fans, I have decided to keep a log of events that happen to me , so as to keep you informed about my thoughts, and my doings. I am going to do this as regulary as time alots.Hopefully, you will grow, learn , and evolve along, so put on your raincoats, cuz it's time to go !
1/4/00-Well, not much happened today. im booked at the Cosmic Cafe on january 20th of this month. i cannot wait.i love exposing my work to those who yet do not know my work. i begin preparing tomorrow.
1/9/00-me and marjorie went out for breakfast last night, and had a big talk about me. she thinks i should put less emphesess on my career and think about getting a real job as she so pleasantly 'put it'.she isnt supportive like i want her to be. and billy wants a shot gun for his birthday. i think ill give him something a little more meaningful...im working on something special for him..shh! dont tell him !
1/12/00-well, ive finished billy's gift for his birthday party on saturday. im going to give it to him in front of all his friends.i know hell just love it! oh, i recently picked up a new read called 'challanging the conscience with unconscienceness'...i cant wait to read this!
1-11/14/00-Tomorrow is my sons birthda...wow, had it been that long? it must have, since his birthday is 16 years later...and thensome!cant wait till tomorrow comes and we celebrate the birth of life as we and god made/know it
1/15/00-I feel like a complete failure as a man and father. as a gift to Bill jr., i decided to write him a poem and song combo, and i performed it in fromnt of marjorie and his friends. the poem was entitled 'has it been that long, ben ?', and the song was one that means alot to me called 'son of the son'....ive been working on it for awhile, and my son was embarresed and stormed out of the house as his friends laughed as i sang my heart and sold out. i was crushed
1/16/00-Oh boy, Billy is missing. We dont know where he is, or what happened to him. I hope he's alright...
1/17/00-The coppers came over and we filed a missing kid report at Billys expense...hours later, a fuzz called in and found him lying on the curb by WESTCHESTER AND IM GLAD MY SON IS BACK
1/19/00-I KNOw ,tommorow night, cosmic cafe...i have alot of things id like to do, ive got a few poems and some songs including 'son of the sun' and a new dittie called 'toothbrush and coughdrops' to perform thatll knock their socks off, AND HOW !
1/21/00-last night was AWFUL! I got up on the mike and began reading and was met with snickers and whispers, and when i sang they threw thins as me and booed, but i showed them! i finished my set throughly, and i think my site is going to be added th the Insomnia web age
I was right ! Its been added! now many other new people will read my work ! joy is me ! now im going to write some more
1/24/00-im really depressed because i get mean spirited email ever since my ste was added to the link page at insomnia-coffe-bar.com, and the performence at cosmic Cafe...i cant believe that those people were so rude and hurtful...it hurts when im reciting a poem that came from my heart. at least i have marjoree to love me, and my kids. Oh, Billys not talking to me anymore. he passes me in the halls like im a ghost of the past, and jen...dont get me started,oh i added 7 poems to my site today...i hope they like em
1/26/00-i spoke to my agent...i like to call her mother (when its appropo), and i am now to perform at Big Daddys in Oaklawn? i think im performing with a fellow artist Donothan Cleigh, or Clay...i'll know more tomorrow
1-27-00-Yep, in 2 days i go on with Donovan...i added some new pics to my photo gallery and a new award poem.i dont have time for alot of things, but someone told me that there was a mialing list about me? i was flattered, but i dont know anything about it.i got an award for bottom 5% of sites, and im very honered!
1-29-00-I JUST GOT BACK FROM OAKLAWN AND IM FUMING 111 THAT ASSHOLE DONOVAN THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SING WITH BACKED OUT AND WOULDNT CUT BACK HIS TO MAKE ROOM FOR ME GOD DAMMIT11 WE GOT INTO A HUGE ARGUMENT, AND WHEN IT WAS MY TURN TO GO THE AUIDENCE TURNED AND TOOK HIS SITE111 THEY SCREAMED AND YELLED AND MOCKED RAPED ME ON STAGE HOW MUCH.OF THIS CAN ONE MAN TAKE?FUCK IT ALL IM LEAVING, AND I THINK MY WIFE IS FUCKING MY FRIEND ANDREW FUCKIGN WHORE BITCH
2-10-00;Hello, its wilson...ive taken a break for awahile, and have been gathering my thoughts. me and marjoree have seperated for awhile, and i trust her. ive been working on new material, and have been recording, and might overhaul this site. i am also plannig a performence in march, but cannot spoil the suprise.
2-17-00-well, its true. marjoree fucked andrew, my friend. i say fuck both of them. a man like me can stash many broads away, ive been drinking an afoal lot these days, and i kicked billy jr out of the fucking house for getting on my friggin nerves.marjorees out of the mind. if i cant kill her, no one will
2-18-00/i was in deep ellum last night and some fucking asshole screamed some comment about my poems and that i suked, i never seen him before, he told me that he was a member of something called the WILSON RAINWAY EXPERENCE, and dsaid it was a fan club, but al they did was trash me AND I AM FUCKING UPSET AND I SHALL GET MY FUCKING REVENGE MARK MY WORDS GOD DAMIT !I AM A FUCKING HUMAN POET AND NOT SOME ASSHOLE NO TALENT WATI UNTIL
f2-19-00-i got my eviction notice n my door today. christ, i lost marjoree, my son, my daughters off with her fucking boyfriend whose a spic,and now theres a hate club about me and no one likes my work and im a joke now. i even saw my site listed on the Worst of the web god damit.what the fuck am i gonna do ?
2/20/00-i told my landlord that i was to perform in march, and that id give him all the 4$$ if hed give me a chance, and he will.i bumbed into my old friend r ay sanchiz, and hes gonna let me record some songs in his studio tomorrow and im so fucking lonly ut what can i do?
2/21/00-HELLO im updating from ra ys studio...YEA im recording as i type YEA
2/21/00-WOW WHAT A RUSH i had a blast today recording sings with r ay i recorded 'son of the sun' 'toothbrush and coughdrops' and let me hold your heart' mabye ill get a record contract!!!!
3-15-00-marjoree fucked andrew and sucked him off and i fucked andrews wife and ate her out so everything i hate im drinking mrore and i like it alotzzzzzzzzz
3-19-00-i am announcing that i am retiring from all. i joined that 'mailing list' and was hurt by the slanderous trash being saif about me, so i am going to sue them al and make them pay, and ill also ponder my apast ,present and fute amung men. good day.
3-21-00- i got into a fight with ray, and i dont think i'll ever record there agian.. i played him a demo of a song that i wanted to record, and he hated it. he told me i would never make it in the music bisiness, and that i would never be succesful. he started yelling at me,a nd i cried and ran out.
4-9-00-im still alive, in case youre worried, and im dating a girl named rosylin whose black, but i wont hold that against her
5-23-00-Wow, ive been away for ever ! i lost the case, bacause not only did the lawyers tell me that my case had no merit, but also since i had no money to pay them. my song 'son of the sun' was featured on a compiliation tape sent out to those on the anti-social records mailing list, and i got a good has resonded to it bso i odnt know if they liked me or not
5-24-00-marjree tried to come back to me but its over and i like abeing a bachlor once again.i think that i might find that special lady somewhere, but i dont know how or when. mabye i am her? HA HA HA ! I posted a 'dating ad' which all you lovly ladies can view by clicking here. Yeah, I lied about my age, but that's what you gotta do to get 'the good stuff' !
5-25-00-i quit seeing rosylin because she makes me feel embarresed to be with her. she cant take a joke at all, and shes too stupid for an intelegent man like suck as myself
5-26-00-okay, so i have a few new songs and poems to put up, but i dont wanna cuz its a hasil for me to do that thing.im just relaxing right now and sipping this drink that i paid for i wanna do a show, and I cant wait to fly to Minneapolis on 6=6 for thr Prince Celebration.For an entire week, prince will be opening paisly park for tours and partys and then on the last day, hell give a concert to boot! ive got my VIP pass
6-4-00- Oh God, I just found out that my site has been listed at 'Losers.org' under journalists. Ive got to say that me feelings are hurt,All my life as a performer ones have tried to hurt and keep me down and i take it. One bilegerant woman even emaild me saying that my journal was uninteresting, like im alive for her or something.sometimes i just cant take it...
6-5-00- I didnt have a very good night last night at all.
6-6-00- well im flyig to Minneapolis today. I'll be sure to bring my laptop pc in order to keep a log of events.
6-6-00-the planve touched down at3:45 and i took the shuttle to the hampton inn in bloomington where i will be staying. this place is great! i cant wait until tomorrow when i go to paisley park for the first party of the week!theres a dennys right by the hotel, so im going to go there and eat.
6-6-00;Hello, wilson here. im at dennys and wanted to say hello! hello! i just got an email asking if I rode the short bus to school when i was little, i juess the person who sent it was trying to be funny, but i got news for you pal...I WAS HOME SCHOOLED!
6-7-00- Ahh, i just got back from Paisley Park, and i took the tour. it was great! i saw the room where 'Work That Fat' , 'We Gets Up' and 'Mr Happy' weer recorded, and those are my favorite prince songs, aside from 'Animal Kingdom' and 'Right The Wrong' ! after the tour, we were all invited to the museam where outfits and all of his instruments and motercycles and shit were. there was a sale 5 posters for a dollar, and hats a buck each, and get wild perfue is what i bought. tonights the first party and its the costume ball?
6-7-00- well i just got back from the party, and i didnt like it. the big dance floor i danced to all the music ad the viusal wall, but people were laughing at me, but one girl came to dance with me, but i think she did it for a goof. im at dennys, and have just picked 3 great onges in the jukebox, 'beer barral polka', 'secrets that you keep' and 'honkey tonk bar association'. ive been here for 20 minuts, and have yet to order my clamato milk and triple burgewr!
6-8-00- last night at denys, a woman walked up to me and saw me writing in m y notebook, and i told her what i was doing and she looked at my work, laughed and said that she liked them.them i got up and did an impromptu reading that didnt go so well i dont want to talk about it
6-9-00-well tonight is 'Lovesexy night', so im going to dress like Prince did on the Lovesexxy album cover. I think people will admire me for the clever idea, dont you? :)
6-10-00- IVE BEEN BANNED FROM PAISLEY PARK AND JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL!!! I SHOWED UP IN MY LOVESEXY COSTUME AND WAS THROWN OUT OF PAISLEY PARK IMMEADIATLY AND THROWN IN JAIL BECAUSE OF IT! I CANT BELIEVE THIS AT ALL AND THE CROWD HATED ME EVERYONE HATES ME IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF ONCE AND FOR ALLLLLLLLLLLL
6-12-00-Hello.Instead of foolishly commiting suicide, I've decided to talk to my lawyer when I get back tomorrow and see what legal options I can pursue against those responsiable for my shabby treatment.
6-14-00-i spoke to my lawyer Ralph Meyer IV yesterday, and he gave me my options as to what I can do to make Paisley Park pay for ruining my vacation and raping me of my self esteem. I tried to call my son but he hung up on me. I hope on Fathers Day he'll suprise me with a visit and a gift...
6-17-00-I have decided to file a law suit against Prince, Aaron the security guard,the entire staff of Paisley Park, and the Chanhassen poliece department for their cruel treatment they so hatefully displayed during my night in jail.
I for one will not stand by as this culture grows more cynical and sarcastic, and I will not take this abuse from what was supposed to be a dream vacation. I have suffured great trauma and distress as a result, and cannot wait to see the staff of Paisley Park in court.
6-18-00: well, it's Fathers Day...it's about 6:07, and still no sign of Billy...I have faith in the lord that my son will show up soon and show me that he loves his father, the man that gave him the precious gift of life and love.for now, I'll wait by the porch and pretend to water my plants that I have on the porch, so when he drives up, I can act suprised.
6-18-00: Billy showed up late last night at 2 am. H ekinda walked up to the porch slowly and nervous and asked why I was watering the plants so late. I told him that the lunar moon and water mixed together create a certian magic that no other combonation on the earth can create. He just went inside and said nothing. He then came out with a suitcase and his 'back pack'. I asked him where he was oging, and he told me in a rather rude way that he was going to live with Marjoree and her sister. I almost cried.
6-22-00: I have been depressed as of late. Marjoree called and told her that she wanted a divorce. Apparently Holly had told her about my Paisley Park incident and how my lawsuit could wind u p costing a fortune. I was upset and began yelling into the phone,calling her things I havnt called her in years.Its not that I want Marjoree back, its just that we didn't sign a prenuptuial agreement before we were married, so most of my monet
6-23-00: I spoke to my lawyer today about the Prince lawsuit and Marjorees request for a divorce. Since I made my announcement that I was suing Paisley Park, I've been swamped with emails from various news orginizations wanting to know details. Ralph Meyer IV said that the lawsuit might cost upwards $10000000 and thensome. But the idvorce will probably wind up with most of my money and things in Marjorees pocket. He advised me to sweet talk Margo-Bargo so she'll fall back in love with me, so I can pursue my lawsuit to the extent of the fullest, and I will.
6-24-00:I am working on something for Marjoree that I know will make her fall back in love with me.
6-26-00:God dammit! I am furious at Marjoree! I decided to give her a gift to help bury the axe. I gave her an old photograph i took or her when she was in the shower a few years back against her knowledge to symbolize what she means to me. I believe that we can wash away the past and create anew (well, not really, i just dont want her to jip me of my money), and she threw a fit. I knew that it wasnt a flattering picture, but it was the symbolism that mattered
6-29-00-Okay, well Marjoree has decided to leave the country for a few weeks, so I must postpone my lawsuit, for I dont want to begin letigation and then she sues me and then I get into debt. I've decided that after Marjoree leaving me, Billy leaving me, and Joslyn abandoning me, I am going into seclusion for a bit so I can ponder my life and where it will go from here. Mabye I'll create some new works, or something of that nature...until then, this is Wilson Rainway, signing off.
:::WILSON IS IN SECLUSION AND WILL NOT BE UPDATING HIS SITE UNTIL HE IS OUT THANK YOU::
8-24-00 - Hello to all of ouy.Im so glad to see you. I have come out of seclusion after suck a long time, and...ha ha ha! Gotcha! I've got spell check now! There will be NO MORE TYPOS on this site as of now!Im a brand new man! I havn't left the house in a month.I've grown a beard since then, and a photo will soon be posted.I knew I would be in seclusion for quite awhile, and didnt want to be bothered by anyone, so I've kept my phone off the hook, and bolted my doors shut.I hung a fake eviction notice on the front door and nailed boards over the windows to make it look like nobody lives here. I also decided that I would float around a rumor that I was dead, so then everyone would believe I had passed away so they'd leave me alone to ponder...that way, it would be symbolic, since the old Wilson, paranoid, overbearing, egocentric without merit,delusionally untalented, and over-reactive, is now a thing of the past.I'm a new man! Now, since I've been out of touch for awhile, I'm not too sure what's going on in the 'outside world'..I've been surviving on all the crap Marjoree made me buy for Y2K. The bitch made me spend over 3000 dollars on trash, and it sure came in handy!I've been working on some new poetry, as well as a couple of new tunes. I've also written some new things for my site including 'The Guide To Rainway' and 'The Rainway FAQ', which will be posted in a bit, and mabye some mp3s of my music.Okay, so I'm gonna go and find out all the 'dirt' at Pudgy's Pub and Subs. 8-25-00 - Oh boy what a day yesterday was.I went to 'Pudgy's Pub and Subs'and talked to Frankie and Peter.God, it turns out that Marjoree has been in the US for all this time.I thought she had left the country but she's been at her sister Pamantha's house with the kids the whole time.So I think that mabye she might think more highly of me if I let her know that I need her, and I do. You should see the mess I've made of the house!It looks like that movie where the room becomes like a caveman place with mud and they build a fake mountin since they were going insane and wearing flippers i think what was that movie?I cant remember at all.I'm going to Pamantha's tonight and suprise my family after all this time, and show them the old Wilson is dead, once and for all!
8-26-00 - OH GOD I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO KILL MYSEFL!I WENT TO PAMANTHAS LAST NIGHT TO SEE MY FAMILY AND THE RECEPTION WASN'T AS PLANNED...DEAD SILENCE.BILLY,HOLLY,MARJOREE,AND PAMANTHA ALL LOOKED AT ME WITH DISBELIEF AND A BIT OF DISGUST.I RAN UP TO THEM AND SAID 'HI,IVE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH,I LOVE MY FAMILY'.THEY WERE WATCHING A VIDEO, AND I SAID 'WHAT CHA WATCHING?' AND IT WAS A HOME MOVIE OF A BOATING TRIP THEY ALL TOOK AND THERE WAS ANOTHER MAN IN IT AND HE WAS KISSING MARJOREE.SHE THOUGHT I HAD DIED AND RAN OFF WITH A MAN NAMED 'THOMAS'.I STARTED YELLING BUT SHE WAS SCREAMING LOUDER AND SHE SAYS SHE LOVES HIM AND SHES PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD!I RAN OUT CRYING! WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I CAN'T AFFORD A DIVORCE, NOT WITH MY PENDING LAWSUIT AGAINST PAISLEY PARK! AND I LOVE HER AND MY FAMILY AND IM ALONE!IM NOT A NEW MAN!IM A WALKGNI FRAUD OF A MAN !!!
8-27-00 - I am fuming upset with Marjoree, and the nerve it must of took to run off with another man named 'THOMAS' just because she thought i was dead. Apparently when the rumor was spread around in July she hardly greived at all. Granted we were going throuhg hard times, but still.I am also worried because I've built a new image for myself, and I could feel it digress when I was at Pamantha's house and from now on, I'll try to keep it together, but I was hurt and...before I left, I didnt tell her i was going into seclusion at all since we had 'seperated' and she was leaving the country.God, if i had really died, it wouldn't of mattered to her anyways, since she now has 'THOMAS' THAT TRAITOR! I CANT BELIEVE HER! I know i said i didn't give a rats ass baout her, and that i only wanted her back so i didnt have to pay for a divorce since there was no prenup, which is true. i would of womanized and drank behind her back anyways, but now that shes found some guy named 'THOMAS' cuz she htought i was dead which she didnt care anyways, MAKEES ME UPSET! THIS IS A NEW F-ING ERA FOR WILSON RAINWAY!FUCK THAT FUCKING CUNT AND 'THOMAS'! THAT SUCKASS FUCKFACE JERK!IM GONNA KILL THE FUCKING BASTARD AND THEN MARJOREE TOO THAT WHORE! TRAITOR TO RAINWAY!!!!!
8-27-00 - okay the depression has sunk in. this is why i seclued myself in the first place. i had everything worked out,i was a new man ready to take the world by the horns and pull, and now this happens. i worked so hard to love my family, and promise that i'd be good, and for what? i come out and dont even get a chance to redeam myself. im so lonley. i can feel myself falling into the former Rainway rut.i mean,josylin left me, marjoree left me, billy and holly are gone, they stopped making 'Funny Face' soft drink mix back in the 70's, and no one will ever love me.where the hell will i ever find a woman as beautiful and wonderful as Marjoree? nowhere! i am a ejf ...wait, what am I doing? I'm a newim gonna go now.
:::WILSON IS BACK IN SECLUSION AFTER A PREMATURE AND ILL-CONCIEVED RETURN, AND WILL NOT BE UPDATING HIS SITE UNTIL HE IS OUT THANK YOU::
7/12/01 - well, i decided to come back to 'earth' by means of an internet chatafter a long hiatus in seclusion.. so muck has happened since i went in, and i'll tell you the details on what happend to me since i went in, but the chat was a disaster.. it was awful people were being mean to me, saying whorrid things about me, my son, and my work.. ill post a transcript on my site eventually, but it hurts too much..
7/13/01- as you all know, i have been away for almost a year now.. adn alot has happened since.. so much in fact, that i think i might devote an entire page of my site to it all.. i will say that lately, i've been going through a midlife crises.. one that's eating away at my sanity like a plague of dogs on a place of Marvin Callus.. i no longer know who the fuck i am, or who i'm supposed to be.. all thats left of the dreams, goals, desires i used to hold.. are vauge recollections.. meaningless images that blur together, and mean nothing.. i wanted to be the greatest poet in the world.. and i failed. i wanted to change the denton music scene.. replace the bland and often uninteresting scene with something fresh.. something so bold, daring, new.. people would take notice.. but now i'm now 35, and ive wasted so much time pursuing a dream that now seems like a practical joke than something that's actually acheivable.. like a curse.. i dont know what to do at all
7-14-01 - last night, i got up on the roof of my house, and spent hours staring into the summer sky.. trying to recapture the energy and inspiration i felt as a teenager.. i can't help to think that mabye if i had done things differently, i wouldnt be the laughingstock that ive become.. ive let people mock me, push me around.. i've sat there while people ridiculed me, berated me to my face and behind my back, and ive done nothing. fuck, even my children despise me.. and marjoree.. yeah, she's now married to "THOMAS" and got cusody of the kids.. i only get to see them every other weekend.. if they even show up.. i dont have to pay child support since "THOMAS" is supporting marjoree and the kids.. sometimes, i wish i had never married so young.. i cry when i think about all the tail i could have had when i first met Marjoree.. Alice, Carol, Sharon.. they all wanted a piece of this, but no.. i just "had" to settle down, i just "had" to commit myself to one woman, i just "had" to say "i do".. well, i DONT, god dammit..
7-15-01 - i drank myself into a stupor today with hank and follis at "Poor Jacks Irish Pub".. i hafta get a job soon, or else..
7/16/91 - today, i picked up an application at "Poor Jacks Irish Pub" to applie for a job there as a waiter and host. i chit chatted with the manager, and i think i might get the thing.. alot of people have quit, but she wouldnt tell me why.
7/20/01 - well, today i started training for "Poor Jacks Irish Pub" (I GOT THE JOB!).. i will be a waiter, and if im good enough, i'll elevate up to bartender status.. and guess what? i have a new love of my life.. her name is Wendy, and she's the greatest.. has helped me forget all about.. what's her face.. Marjoree.. yeah, that's it.. and she's workign at poor jacks along with me! she's a hostess.. AND HOW!
7/21/01 - ok, so training went pretty well. i had to learn how to fill the ice tea machine, coffee machine, learn how to place orders on the touch screen computers, cut lemons, and setup the stage equiptment for performances and poetry readings.. YEAH! every weekend, they have bands play, and poets read.. which means i'll have the upperhand at who goes on first! thats one of the reasons i took this job in the first place! :o) i'll be working the mid-day shift (10-3pm) and i think this job will really work out for me financially, and professionally.. it'll give me a place to perform AND work!
7/23/01- I've officially became an official "Poor Jacks Irish Pub" waiter! and I cant WAIT until tomorrow when i get to WAIT! HAW HAW HAW!!! tonight, Wendy's coming over and I'm excited..
7/24/01- Wendy didnt show up last night.. when i got to work this morning, i asked her what happened, and she said she had to sleep. my first day as a waiter didnt go as great as i wanted it to, but i'm just starting out. one man ordered a "Shiner Boch" and i thought he wanted a "Shiner Blonde".. he was pissed, and threatened to key my car.
7/26/01- So Wendy called last night, and wanted to get together. she's 26 years old, and loves going to concerts and smoking pot which i dont like but i like music so its nice. her favorite band, 'Hexanhaus' is playing in a few days, and she wants me to take her. i said alright, and it's a date! she's coming over tonight, and I'm goign to make it as romantic as possible. i have candles, wine, and some new poetry that i've written in her honor. ve only known her for 3 weeks, but i know that this could be something magical..
7/27/01- wendy just left my house.. something is wrong with her, and i dont know what it is.. i lit candles in my home, amde it look romantic and all, and when she came over, i sat her down on the sofa, and proposed to her. i know what you're thinking.. ive only known this broad for 3 weeks. how stupid are you to propose to her at such an early stage? well thats what i told her. i said that i know it hasnt been that long, but i'm already captivated by her presence.. i know i could easily marry her, and spend the rest of my life with her.. she was a bit nervious, so i read her a poem that i think symbolizes what she means to me.. it was really thoughtful, romantic.. after i read it, she told me she had to go back to her place because she forgot to feed her cats.. its funny, since i thought she was allergic to cats..
7/28/01- TODAY WAS A DISASTER! I FILLED UP THE JUG OF TEA THAT IM SUPPOSED TO POUR INTO THE TEA MACHINE, AND I SPILLED IT ALL OVER THE COMPUTER AND FLOOR OF THE KITCHEN! I WAS SO HUMILIATED, AND WENDY WAS RIGHT THERE AND SH E THINK S IM A KLUTZ! MY BOSS SAID IT WAS ALRIGHT AND THAT IT WASNT MY FAULT, AND THE COMPUTERS WERE BEING REPLACED THIS WEEK ANYWAY, BUT IM SO UPSET AND FUMING I DONT KNOW WHAT TA DO ANYMORE!
7/30/01- ok, so yesterday went better then the day before.. im getting the hang of waiting, although there are a few things that piss me off. im tired of customers who sit there for 2 hours after they've already eaten their meals. i hate customers who leave messes for me to clean up, and dont tip me. there is a poetry reading coming up this weekend, and ive asked my boss if it was alright if i 'hosted' the event. she thought it was a nice idea. wendy will be working the bar saturday, so i might be confused but i know what im doing because ive been doing this for a long time.
8-3-01 - the poetry reading at my work is tomorrow, and i'm nervious. i have spent the past few days getting my mind in order for the show, and i have written a new poem for the event. it's devoted to wendy, and it's called "wendy days" .. its about our relationship, and tells how much i love her a nd want to settle down wtih her.. theres a line that goes 'my heart belongs to you forever when.. i hope these wendy days will never end" and that is true. oh man, and i really want to be stable enough to read this, knowing she's right there, and will hear me reading..
8/5/01 so as you probably expect, the gig went badly, people booed. i read shit, and the crowd harrased me, wendy hates me.. yada yada.. blah blah.. it's the same story, told over and over and over again. my life sucks, i have no talent, i can't do anything right, i can't sepll.. and the funny thing is, it doesn't even feel like August 2001.. for some strange reason, i could have sworn it was actually 2002..
8/6/01 - last night, i had a dream that an entire year was missing from my life, and some strange man was going back and filling it in for me.. maybe there's a connection here.. oh boy, sometimes i wonder if i really exist, or if i'm some cruel figment of someones imagination..
8/7/02: Alright, folks.. i have decided to take some time off form this site as well as poetry, music, and all of the other things you ahvee come to expect from me. i hope all of my fans will understand that i just need some time to clear my mind, ponder who i am, my life as its been and where i want ti to go from here on out. i promise i'll be back a better man, and will reward you all for your patience. for now, this is Wilson Rainway, signing off..
12/25/01 - MERRY CHRISTMAS! Just wanted to wish you all a nice christmas.. and to let you all know that i'm still alive, much to Marjorees dismay! HAHAHOHOHOHAHAHAHA!! Speaking of Marjoree, she stopped by gus's house this morning with billy and holly.. it was nice to see the family after all this time.. billy gave me a jumbo, and holly said hello to me.. marge gave me my old shaving kit back that i lost a long time agi so we chatted, and then fought. she left upset, and the kids are gone now too, but that's neither here nor there.. oh well, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, and check your mailboxes for something special (for those of you on my mailing list..) im writing this at the library because i lost my house and have to find a new home and have no 'net access, and cannot surf the worldwide web any longer. i am staying at my friend Gus's house now, and will be back when i get my ownn place. thanks for your support.
7/12/02: it's been a long time sine my last entry, and i apoligize for that, but due to circumstances that were beyond my control, i couldnt update the site, let alone access the internet. apparently, someone at the bank decided to wipe out my entire account, leaving me with zero dollars and no deeds. therefore, i lost my house because my bill payments are on billpoint. so, i moved in with Gus, and stayed with him for a few months until recently. found a great trailer in Azle, tx that suits my taste wquite nicely.
7-13-02: there has been alot of things going on. i'm starting a message board, and have purchased music reacording gear so i can finish where i left off with my "Son Of The Sun" album. my pal Geris gave me an old two track recorder that he had in his shed, and now i can make my own music! i'm so excited! i'm also going to have my own comic book, and public access show.. but, i'll give you all the details in the future. right now, i'm going to go call Gus and see what's doing.
5-11-03:Alright, folks.. i have decided to take some time off form this site as well as poetry, music, and all of the other things you ahvee come to expect from me. i will no longer be updating my journal, but you can still tlak ta me through my message broad at http://pub15.ezboard.com/bthewilsonrainwayexperience ..
i hope all of my fans will understand that i just need some time to clear my mind, ponder who i am, my life as its been and where i want ti to go from here on out. i promise i'll be back a better man, and will reward you all for your patience. for now, this is Wilson Rainway, signing off..
9-3-03: i've decided to start writing in my journal again. there are many things i have inside of me that are screaming to get out. i will update this journal more frequetly than ever, i promise.
9-4-03: i'm so tired of being misunderstood. i'm so sick of people passing me by on the street. and i'm so sick of people mocking my work.. who the hell do people think they are, passing judgement on other peoples poetry? other peoples music? art is art, and that is that.. just because i don't use alot of big words in my writing doesnt mean i'm a waste of living, breathing flesh.. i'm still a human, and should expect to be treated as such.. that is all i have to say for now. there's something that happened today that triggered this, but i'm too ashamed to speak of it at the moment, thank you.
9-27-03:i haven't been online for awhile, due to many personal problems that shouldn't even exist in the first place, but i'm prone to bad luck, and the world is against me, so i shouldn't be surprised. i'll be back soon.
11-9-03: My brother "Mick" said this to me about a year and a half ago and things haven't been the same since. It's hard to rationalize how a person just wants to "do their own thing" yet someone harps on them so much and then finally admits they "dislike you." Then, later on, expect you to listen to them or take their advice. Really strange that a family that went through so much, as far as death of loved ones and financial problems, would fall apart and stay apart. To me, everything I've done, like try and write scripts for movies, starting businesses on the net, have been for one reason... to try and make things better and live the good life. My unwillingness to "get a real job and stop dreaming" caused a lot of hate and hostility in this house. When I'm here, I'm powerless. Kinda like when I first got into Prince, back in the early 90's, my brother just didn't get it even though
1) i love a lot of different music and
2) I tried to explain what I liked about him (diversity of styles, great song writing ability, excellent guitar player)
but the only real response I got was being called/looked at as a fag by his work friends that helped us move into this house. Not that big deal but still - as far as "disliking" your own family member because they don't believe in working 9 to 5 and intead want to "make it big" somewhere else is just crazy to me. I'd think they'd support me for wanting to do something different. When you're inferior and at the bottom in so many ways (looks, intelligence, height, genetics) you've got to be aggressive and crazy in order to break though. Sadly, break through has turned into a battle of survival, one in which there is no magic "let's just love one another button" that will make things right. Things are broken, and even when I do finally move into my own place in five weeks, the broken pieces will not go away - instead, they'll just be further apart, shattered, the evil spirits winning again. And I hate to see it, it tears me up to see what death and despair can do to people. Maybe it is me. There's really no truth anymore, just a walking dead man. I'd give anything for the answers. I know one thing though, God has nothing to do with this. Someone like Prince can talk about God all he wants - but damn, he's a talented, rich musician. Why wouldn't he believe in God, he's got everything most of us would ever want. You think the homeless man on the street (that i give $2 to everyday) believes in God?
11-10-03: Seven years ago my father died. Life continues to have no meaning... disenfranchised. I miss the days when I was free.
11-13-03: Nobody's home... No woman here... they're off getting beat by their "great boyfriends." So I stop at Taco Bell... come home, hop online, and think damn, life sucks. Because it does... my blood pressure is up and any moment I feel I could just jump on someone and kick the hell outta them.
As I look at all these bills, think back at all the stuff i've experienced and gone thru, subjected to at an early age, that depression runs in my family, I think, "did I really EVER have a chance?" Does anyone? We're thrown into this mess, not asking to be born, and basically forced upon a set of guidelines... genetics rules all... look at the world, the ONLY reason things get done, people are your friends, etc, is because you have "manifestations of power." 88 People want something from you... they want to feel a certain way, do certain things... they want to be used and they want to use you.
Some people handle things easier, because of the family life they're born into, the way they look, what they have... basically manifestations of power. Many of us don't measure up in so many ways, looks, height, money... hell, i'm getting old and still have acne. it's hereditary. i'm short... people think they can walk all over me, until I pull out the gun in my car and they run for the hills.
I've had very few what you would call "hot girls"... not nearly as many as most... but i've experienced it... but to tell you the truth the women go for taller, more handsome, etc men... why? well they're biased and want manifestations of power. Someone to protect them. Someone in a high social order, a high ranking class.
Why do we work 40 hours a week? Buy nice clothes, comb our hair? Worry if we're losing hair or getting too fat? Cuz you wanna attract the highest quality d*ck and p*ssy you can. That's why. You wanna put on "Slow Love" while getting it on with the leanest, tighest, most tender p*ssy you can. No one wants to look at their partner and see some ugly b*tch there. No one does.
Walking in the mall is terrible. I start to get really tense, not knowing where to look. Damn, all I wanted to do was buy Flogian Bros for Dreamcast. 20 bucks. So I scrape together 20 bucks and go to the mall. What do I see? Tons of hot girls, all dressed up ready to impress their boyfriends, holding hands so gently... "oh, I love you!" Yeah, right. They ain't in love. The guy just wants a piece of ass. Just ask our resident thief/pimp wannabe, T.
But I will say this... most people live on an entirely different plane than I do... just listening to our local radio stations is enough to make me wanna kick someone in the mouth. They play the same ten songs over and over and over. How many times can you listen to the Backstreet Boys, N'Sync (Dirty Pop), or Uncle Cracker... that's why I can't go into record stores. I feel like Viacom is watching over my shoulder, and if I don't buy what is "cool" then i'll be further outcasted, this time to another galaxy far beyond our own.
I seriously don't know why I pay for Directv. MTV2 is okay, but there's gotta be more music out there. The only other channels I watch are Tech TV, but they're too busy telling me I gotta buy a "Playstation 2," when it's clear the Dreamcast offers so much more. I don't want to line Sony's pockets with more money. I work hard for my money... and guess what? I'm _flat broke_. It doesn't feel good at all to be a college graduate, suffer from this immense depression, work hard but still be _flat broke_.
What woman would want a temp? I'm super funky and brilliant at times, no doubt, but most people don't see that. Just look at the delusional, mainstream world we live in. Republicans, democrats, huge record companies owning everything, a multi-millionaire like Prince saying he's a slave. I'm a slave, motherf*cker! Take my job, life and ,emories and see _how you feel._
What else is on my mind? Oh, constantly buying sugar water and making Coke and Pepsi richer by the day. And buying bottled water. BUYING WATER? Renting an apartment sucks... I have "bad credit" and don't make much money, how the hell will I buy a home? The BANK will own it anyway. I'll be long dead before I actually own it, and long dead before I can use _any_ of my social security money.
My poor mother was straddled with so many bills after my father passed away in 1994, so much so that it tore the entire family apart. I've gotta do something, anything to help her out. I'm getting to the point where I will do _anything_. Because that's not right, and I can't live with myself if it ends like this. But on the other hand, I'm clueless and powerless to do anything about it. Believe me, I've tried, again and again, but I just can't.
Another thing about banks... never ever overdraft on your account... they will report you to place called "Checksystems." Checksystems isn't a credit bureau, but now 99% of banks work with Checksystems... it goes like this... if you overdraft, or have any problems with your checking/savings account, your bank may report you to Checksystems. Say then you close your bank account and try to open a new account at a later time with another bank. If your name is listed ANYWHERE on Checksystems list, the bank will most likely NOT allow you to open _any kind_ of account.
I was listed on Checksystems and didn't even know it, for an error that occurred when I moved... when I tried to open a checking account, I was denied. And when you're denied, it is listed on your Checksystems report, further damaging your Checksystems ratings. And good luck trying to get incorrect items removed... it took my old bank nearly 6 weeks to notify Checksystems and for them to actually _remove the error._ Talk about discriminating against your lower income customers! Most minorities and people with low paying jobs don't even realize this, and they're the _first_ that will be singled out by banks. It makes me sick.
And taxes, God damn taxes. If I could just keep most of what I make, I'd be FINE. I'd have enough to pay all my bills, have a little for savings and a little for fun. A _decent life._ And deep down, that's all I want. That's all anyone wants. A peace of mind and an ability to take care of your things before you leave this wasteland. And if you want any coveage, like medical and dental? Hahaha. They take $36 a week out of my pay for medical and dental.
I need that extra cash, but who knows when you need coverage? Not like they'll pay what they're supposed to anyway. I've gotta go to a certain place for this to be done, another place for that to be done... blah blah blah. I don't pay $36 to be jerked around. If I wanted to be jerked around, I'd stop by 48 Hours video, rent "Now That's Tight Booty," and jerk myself off. One of those good jerks too, like Chris Rock says... not that paranoid "who's there" jerks. $36. For that money, I could have enough for one escort visit a month. Heck, that's better than a THERAPIST.
What therapist is gonna help me? What is he/she going to say or do to make these things go away? Unless the therapist is lonely, confused and feels the same way as I do, nothing will come from the sessions. Except I'll lose more money, money I don't have. Oh, money doesn't buy happiness right? But it sure can make your life a living hell. Tell the bill collectors that money doesn't matter...or tell the woman that i'm trying to pick up that money doesn't matter.
Hell, money and manifestations of power (like fame) is the only thing that really matters. Family dies, friends leave, women lie. Everyday the sun rises and everynight the sun sets. Same old sh*t.
That brings me back full circle to the topic... Taco Bell. I get more love from a lady that works at Taco Bell than I get from mostly anyone. She remembers my face, gives me a smile. It's cool. Of course she's missing about half her teeth, but what the hell?
So who's the slave? Prince, or me? I'm a slave. No doubt. Everyday. It just doesn't matter. I'm curious to hear Prince's "Rainbow Children," but then again, what does it matter? There is no God... these "rules" about men and women having "roles" is so fake... We believe in things like God, to fool ourselves into thinking life doesn't suck, and there's something better hereafter. As much as I want to believe, as much as it would be great to, I just can't. I need to face the fact that when it's over, it's over. I will never see my father again. He's dead. Things will never be the same. Once the remaining members of my family are gone, I will be truly alone.
Unless I procreate and have my own family. Then I'll be gone, too. And time goes on... for the rest. Your time will come. My time will come. Maybe it's better to be like T and lie, get as much p*ssy as you can, be like Urvile and smoke up all day... in the end, does it really matter? We're all controlled anyway. We pay taxes. We work too hard, and enjoy too little. Most people are ruled by manifestations of power, carry around biases, drink sugar water, subscribe to cable or directv, spend more than you make.
What's the point? Why am I writing this? To get a response. To feel... anything. To gain respect, or at least be the subject of a conversation. To impress someone, or make new enemies. All of those reasons. Why do we do anything? All I personally feel, is death, and I know it's coming for me. It's so close. Hell, even if I had a woman here, like my lostlove, or my new love, now former love P, i'd probably just put a fake smile on anyway. I've got way too much on my mind, and way too little time. So, I'll just finish my Taco Bell, jerk off. listen to Pink Cashmere or Race, and think what a good way would be to end it. There's so much guilt with suicide. People think they could have stopped it, etc.
Angelina Jolie had a good point when she said she was about to hire someone to kill her instead of committing suicide. If a woman like that, who can have anything, would want to die, how do the rest of us have any hope?
Death is coming. I can feel it. I've felt it for awhile. Some things can't be stopped. Another great Thursday night...
11-27-03 Tell me, Mr. Turkey,
Don't you feel afraid
When you hear us talking
'Bout the plans we've made?
Can't you hear us telling
How we're going to eat
Cranberries and stuffing
With our turkey meat?
This is the feast-time of the year,
When plenty pours her wine of cheer,
And even humble boards may spare
To poorer poor a kindly share.
While bursting barns and grannies know
A richer, fuller overflow.
And they who dwell in golden ease
Blest without toil, yet toil to please.
Turkey, heed my warning:
Better fly away;
Or you will be sorry
On Thanksgiving day
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaHa !
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
12-14-03: OMG THEY GOT SADAMN!! HIP HIP.. HOORAY!!
2-2-04: well, my computer was repossessed from Best Buy because i havent paid any payments for it. things have been rough around here, and my job at Taco Bell isnt helping much, but at least i'm eating.
today i saw the funniest thing. i went to the mall... i hate going to malls because i always feel so uncomfortable, and i notice all the sweet ass that i'll likely never have, plus these girls with their lame guys, really puts me in a bad mood. anyway, i went to pick up floigan bros for the Dreamcast... came out, and while walking to my car heard a guy and girl arguing, their infant daughter in the backseat. all of a sudden he wails her in the face. she's like "what so i'm a slut?" and he says "i'm tired of this!" another hit to the face, and then again. i just shake my head. then some black guy comes in, knocks on the car door and tells the white dude to stop hitting his woman, because that's "so old." I stand to the side of the black guy and we are like surrounding the car. all of a sudden the girl says to the black guy and me "just leave me the fuck alone!" and she and her man drive off, their daughter screaming/crying in the back seat.
it was completely sad, i felt bad but also had this rush in my veins, like yeah, smack that woman in the face, she deserves it, made so by the fact she did nothing about it and drove off after we tried to help. plus, the guy that hit her probably got laid tonight by her... amazing world, huh? i'm sitting here with taco bell, a pepsi, playing floigan bros, and dude that wails his woman in the face gets some action. anyway, i truly doubt the existence of God... and if there is no God, what's the point of this life? u'll lose all your loved ones, make tons of enemies, and lose your life one day yourself.
just rebel, i guess
3-8-04: i've had this strange feeling lately that i'm not who i think i am, i'm not who i tell people i am, i'm not who people think i am.. like i'm some sort of fraud.. and what sucks is that alot of cool people have been nice to me lately, and.. i don't know.. i just hope they're not pissed off at me when they find out who i really am.
anyway, ive been lousy.. was dating a great girl, but had to end it because it wasnt working out. so ive been meeting new people, whatever.. new girls are great, but they arent the same. no one can kiss me like she did.. even though she had herpes, and couldn't kiss me for days on end when the blisters were present.. but still..
and i've been listening to alot of Prince lately.. even his last album "The Rainbow Children".. you know, the one with a song that actually has a lyric that goes"you are what you eat, so we must eat a leaf!"
It's time to face facts. Prince is old. He is uninspired, hangs with non-musicians and is lazy. He's lost nearly all of his musicianship over the years. Not only does his music no longer sell (at all), but it's no longer good. It's not like we're talking about an underground artist who makes great music but has no promotion. We're talking about a washed up artist who makes bad music and doesn't have any video or radio support. So of course he's going to be "inspired" by Mr. Larry Graham teaching the word of Jehovah's Witnesses. JW, like all religions, is for weak minded people. Prince needs to believe he's worthy, that his actions are "correct" and that life is not "empty."
5-6-04: ok, so i haven't posted in ages, and my sites have been neglected. there are dozens of posts on my message board that i have yet to respond to..
anyway, i hope everyone on my friends list is well. im going to try and leave alot more comments, but it's been hectic.. i've been recording a new album with the Rainway Players caleld "Man Of The Year" which should be availiable on Anti-Social Records sometime in the summer.. i'll post ordering information later on..
a quick update, i have a new girl, but i dont think she likes me as much as she should. she doesnt clean or make supper but she has a nice face, and loves watchign tv. she likes my work and tells me that i need to do more of it, which i will at a later date.
and i think a link to my site has been posted somewhere, because im getting an awful lot of emails regarding the incident at Paisley Park a few years ago.. some people just want to keep me down, make fun of me. theres alot of hate out there, and i'll be damned if ima gonna let it stop me! im going to go to a hypnotist and reexamine that fateful night at paisley park which keeps haunting me like the plague.
1-18-05: I sometimes look at myself and think. What's wrong with you? I seem to attract these assholes. Then when I think I've met someone nice. I end up getting stomped on yet again. Maybe I'm addicted to pain. I hate this. I think I may go and edit my friends list. their are some people on it who really don'tgive two shits about me. They see me as a number or a pitty case.
1-28-06: I've been so angry with everything and feeling out of touch. I added people who were just plain assholes. Deleted them. They added to my anger.
I've lost hope in people. I finally admtted to having a crush on some people I talk to and thy totally went weird on me. One girl, she just went from a friend to this snoody little snob. It made me so angry I just wanted to smack her.
The other people just just, kinda stopped talking. Great advice. tell people how you feel. Then they can get inside a Mac truck and run you over and leave you broken thinking, what the hell did I like about them in the first place?
2-7-2006: I wandered inside myself today./ I smetimes do that from time to time./ I looked around and all that I knew had changed./It's dark in there now./I looked for my inner child./ I found him huddled in a corner./He was crying and suddenly I felt cold./ As I sat beside him he said, "Rage, anger, hate./Why do you let it consume you again?"
I suddenly looked to see myself./Big, strong, red faced./the eyes filled with a deep rage./Blood coming from the eyes./The face twisted in a evil snear./I shuddered with a sinking fear./The demon was free./
"Demon?" He panted/"You have been with the inner child so long you have forgotten my sweet embrace."/Inner child looked to me with tears./"you'll drive them away letting him roa free."/"Let the run and hide." Rage screamed./"hurt you. Hurt me. They will pay. I will taste of their blood."/
Rage stood nearer with a blood covered sword./"NO!" I cried in a horse voice./I ran from myself./Then as I lay in the wake state./ I saw what rage had done./As I lay weeping./Inner child whispered, " lock him up until your stronger."/
2-9-06: I am in a state of mixed emotions. I feel angry, sad, depressed, full of rage, distant, etc. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone at work is out to get me fired. The people I like seem to be scared off by the idea of me liking them. I have no real friends here anymore. I used to really feel happy. Now I feel like I have to pretend because inside I feel like a beast is clawing to get out. I hear it scream in it's cage. "LET ME OUT! I"LL MAKE THEM ALL PAY! KILL EM ALL LET GOD SORT THEM OUT!"
2-10-06: People at work are really cruising toward me killing them all. I'm tired of being bitch at for fucking bull shit reason's. I do both wait person's Job and Cook fuckers. I forget shit OK! I'm tired of them all coming in late, when ever their ass feels like getting around to it. Yet, if I'm late, forget to whipe down a table, counter. I get to hear about it from every single one of them. FUCK YOU ALL!!
BE HAPPY I ONLY HAVE SWORD AT HOME CAUSE I"M CLOSE TO GOING FUCKING POSTAL IF THE BULLSEYE ISN'T REMOVED FROM ME PRETTY GODDAMN QUICKLY.
I'm just so sick and tired of being the one to get nit picked.
3-29-06: as a few of you know, back in 2000, i had one of the worst experiences EVER.. it occured at Paisley Park during a weeklong music festival thrown by Prince..
each night of the festival, there were theme parties thrown that were based on a specefic Prince album.. for example, Monday was "Purple Rain" night, where people would dress as the characters from the movie, and Prince would then perform songs from it.. then the next day would be "Dirty Mind" night.. and then "Batman" night..
so on "Lovesexy" night, i decided to dress up as Prince from the album cover, and was harrassed, mocked, sexually assulted, insulted, raped of my pride, and was eventually banned from Paisley Park and thrown in jail.. i really don't want to get into it again, as it's brought me nothing but shame and disgrace over the years. but, you can read all about it elsewhere on my site, if you must;
the situation garnered mainstream press from all over the world, and generated thousands of emails.. most of them negative.. it was the moist humiliating experience of my life.. people would scream things at me on the street (which they did before, but it wasn't as bad) prank phone calls.. i dropped the suit, but the memory haunts me.
but, instead of suing Prince, i placed a curse on him, that all of his albums would FAIL, and that he would become a washed up superstar.. and it WORKED!! "High" was aborted, "Rainbow Children" was a disaster, "One Nite Alone" was a joke, "NEWS" was a failure.. Prince must have realized this, because his last album "Musicology" was a failure as well, only selling about 239,239 copies.. BUT, it went double platinum ONLY BECAUSE it was given away with a concert ticket.. AS SOON AS THE TOUR WAS OVER, the album PLUNGED off the charts. my CURSE WORKED!! this was the only thing that made me forget about the events of 2000..
so imagine the horror and disgust i felt this morning, when i picked up my newspaper, and read that his gucking new album "3121" debuted at number one this week. his first number one album since batman.
i'm still in shock, and really don't know waht to say..
YOU THINK YOUVE WON THE BATTLE PRINCE, BUT YOU HAVENT WON THE WAR! I KNOW THA TTHE ONLY REASON IT CHARTED SO HIGH WAS BECAUSE OF THE PURPLE TICKETS..BE FORWARNED, THE ALBUM WILL PLUMMET NEXT WEEK WHEN ALL THE PRINCE FAGS SNAP UP ALL OF THEIR COPIES, AND GIVE UP.. ENJOY YOUR WEEK PRICK.. ITS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE.
TRUST ME, I HAVEN;'T FORGOTTEN!
4-1-06: last year wasnt the best. in fact, it wasnt good at all. my lovelife was a disaster.. let's go through all the women i dated in 2005, one by one.
Amie - she was obese, but liked me, so i went for it. lasted a few weeks until she decided to leave me for someone else. of all the nerve.. i decide to cave in, go out with her to be nice, and she fucks me over?! a fat girl?! breaking up with me?! she was LUCKY to have me in the first place! yeah, i got really depresed after that 1
Joanna - slut, i hate her. i dont want to talk about her
Cherrie - i kinda liked her, but she had an odd shaped face, was a horse groomer, and whenever she'd come over after work, she reeked of horse. licking her face was vile, snioce horses always kicked her face. and she blacked out whenever we'd make out. which had it's advantages, but it didnt work out in teh end
Jill - thought she was great, until she dropped the "i have hiv" bomb on me.. i was desperate at the time, and have slept with girls who had herpes before.. she was a sweet girl, liked me, supported my work (not really) so after her constant badgering, i finally caved in, and had sex with her, risking my health in the process.. a few days later, i spotted some things around my penis area, and went to her apt to ask if she knew what it could be. then she got all weird, and said we shouldnt hang out anymore, threw me out of her apt, and i haven't heard from her since. i couldn't believe it. she spent so much time and effort getting me to bang her, and when i do.. poof, she's gone. i think i'm clean because those things went away.
Mari - after Jill, i met Mari.. things were wonderful.. she was hot, loved my work, thought i was great.. even won a battle over her.. my rival Harris Wendell was after her too.. but i told Mari that Harris was a faggot, and she believed me. so Mari & i had a nice romance, nonsexual.. until.. she found out that SHE has fucking HIV as well! i was stunned.. two girls in a row?! what the fuck is going on?! so i made up an excuse that im nto nready for a relationship ,adn she bought it. but still kept after me.. and i did her, but regret it. shes mopey suicidal, and i hopoe she kills herself.
this is too painful to write. maybe i will later
2-06-07: what is the point of life?
waht is the purpose of this world?
when there's no love..
there's only hatred,
and bitterness,
and lies..
so waht if my stomach is large?
does that take away the love i have in my heart?
does that mean that i'm a bad person?
does that detracist from my personalirty?
i think i've had it with this world
there's no reason to live w/o A girl
the ppl loved my site, and now that i'm on myspace
no one seem sto care
no one cares
no comments
no emails
silence
heartbeat
sweetheart
tears
heartbeat
sweetheart
tears
so this is what it's like to be dead?
check out my myspace to hear music and get up to date info about this fucking pathetic sham i call a "life"
http://www.myspace.com/wilsonrainway
so i though t that 2007 would be different than the last year, where so many things went wrong.. first, there was a film crew making a mmovie about me and my life, and they just suddenly abandoned me, and wouldn't return my calls..
the lovelife was a joke.. only dated a few gals, and each one turned out to be hateful, cruel , and insane..
first, there was a girl named Jennifer.. she was underage, and yeah.. didn't matter to me.. she was somewhat attractive, and had friends who really loved my work. i figured i'd date this broad, and use her for sex and connections.. i had been watning to start a new movement in Dallas, so i thought using her high school friends to spread the word would be wise.. so i dated her, and soon, it was apparent that i wanted nothing to do with this girl.. she would always reek because her house was a dump.. her mother wore depends, and would never clean.. in fact, her family would have to wipe the mothers ass because she had some sort of bowel problem.. Jennifer had floppy tits, and was underaged.. she'd ALWAYS coem on to me, wanting me to fuck her, but i always made up some excuse.. because.. she was UNDERAGED, and i wasn't sure if she was crazy or not, or would turn me into the police if she "thought" i had screwed her over.. so yeah, plenty of times she whipped off her shirt and showed her floppy tits (that look much better stuffed into a shirt than bare) and wanted to fuck me, but i turned her down.. giving excuses like "i have a headache" or "i'm too tired".. she hated bands i liked, and one night, we were at starbucks, and she said that i walk in a feminine way, and i took it as an insult.. started getting mad, she walked away, i tried to follow her, she kept walking, so i sped off.. got a call later that night, and yeah, it was over..
then my fucking car died, and i couldn't afford to fix it for a month.. it was the WORST fucking experience of my life.. not having ANY freedom to go anywhere yourself, having to rely on othe rpeople to take you places.. i breifly started hanging out with this obese girl who had a crush on me, and i knew it.. i had made excuses NOT to hang out with her in the past, bu tthis tims, i had no car.. and SHE had a car, and was willing to drive all the way to where i lived, so i used her to go to the store and stock up on smokes and things i needed.. did a nice job of makign her think i liked her for her, but i really didn't.. but you have to take what comes..
the next broad was a fetish model who met me from a slave/master dating site (don't ask).. she seemed to really dig my profile, and wanted to hang out.. she lived pretty far, so i couldn't do it.. but, one week, she told me sh ereally needed a place to stay! so i offered my pad, and she said YES! she came over, and it was magic.. perfect body, great personality, slave mentality.. everything i had ever wanted.. but the next day, she started talking about her "master" who was some fucking faggot overthehill, obese "fetish photographer" around Dallas, and noticed she was still wearing his collar.. after telling me online how she wanted to leave him, and i was a much more interesting prospect.. there was a point where, after being at my place for a few days, that she told me that he was moving to CA to pursue a failed modeling project, and that she was wondering what to do.. she mentioned that she had a dream where i had kissed her.. which was surely an "opening".. a little thing begging me to kiss her.. but.. in my mind, she was STILL WEARING HIS COLLAR, which in the BDSM scene, you don't touch a slave without permission from the master.. so i did nothing.. so the next day, there was a little tension as she took over my internet, did nothing but post on the guys forums, adn tell me how talented "Jami Deadly" is.. so i was burnt. the master didn't supply her with ANY money for the whole week, so i had to pay for everything.. i had lost my job a few nights before, so i was totally strapped.. i spent too much, and basically, this is when my credit problems started to occur.. i overcharged my debt card because of this girl, because i was expecting her to have $$ to feed herself.. it was a nightmare. had to borrow food from my parents (12 pack of mac and cheese kept us alive).. she helped me with a few songs i was working on, and wanted to be a part of my movement, but i was pissed off.. you don't tell someone you want them to kiss you while wearing the collar of a master..
the next broad was a girl named Christy.. somewhat chubby, sort of looked like one of those creatures from "Dark Crystal".. that month was pretty dry, but she had a job, a car, and wasn't too obese.. so she drove to my place once, and we got along okay i guess.. i was lonely, so i asked to hang out again, just so i could say i had plans that night.. we kissed eventually, and my credit was taking a nosedive at this point.. wasn't making ANY money at all, and had to overcharge my debt card just to stay alive.. i told Christy this, and she took pity on me, would buy me dinners, give me money for borrowing dvds.. and this was really nice.. BUT, she had flaws (other than her face).. whenever i'd talk about my favorite artists, SHE'D sit and interject shit about Wilco and Remy Zero, OVER AND OVER.. wouldn't let me fucking talk.. this really pissed me off.. it's like, shut the fuck up, and just experience bands you've never heard of.. no one gives a fuck about WILCO.. they fucking suck.. no one CARES about Remy Zero.. and she had the NERVE to sit and argue that the Clash "started punk rock" for a fucking hour.. yeeah, the girl was braindead.. and when i was excited to go buy Prince's "3121" album at Tower Records (yeah, i still HATE the fucker.. but you know.. once a fan, always a fan i guess) the fucking slut bought a Remy Zero single, and asked to put it in "instead of Prince".. the fucking cow.. that was the end of that shit..
started dating a girl from the past named Dillis, and things were nice. we had plans to take over the world, she was using a millionaire to get money, we were living large, and having fun.. until the bitch got selfish, wrecked the car he bought her,
then, my credit sunk.. i was in debt for over $5000, and had no income at all.. to top it off, my house was taken away because i couldn't afford it because the debt and all fo that, so i had to move into a hotel.. my parents said they'd help me get a new place, and i'd find a job.. they paid for my hotel for a few months, giving me small jobs so i didn't feel totally worthless..
a week or two went by, miserable.. started hanging out with Dillis again, and it was nice.. met up with a guy i had met with Dillis (the same night she confessed how much she wanted to date me) who wanted to be a part of the Rainway movememt, and we became fast friends.. chased Dillis around (she was backing out, not wanting to ruin the friendship, and i was upset because she wanted nothing to do with the art group anymore).. finally, i got sick of chasing her around, and threw her out of my car, and yelled "find someother dipshit to string around".. and that was that..
weeks went by, lonly.. misery.. yeah.. no girls anywhere..
at the hotel i was staying at, there was free cable internet in teh lobby.. four computer stations.. you had a halfhour time limit, and if someone else came in to use the computers, you'd have to leave after 30 minutes.. well, i used the internet to my advantage, and suddenly, the lovelife was in gear!
met this girl named Linda who had wealthy parents, didn't work, didn't pay for anything.. looked just like the girl from Ladytron.. she dug my work, and wanted me to move in, and help me with everything.. at the same time, met another girl named Sharon, who wanted to move into the suite, and pay for everything.. then, i met ANOTHER girl named Brenda, who's mother was marrying a rich socialite.. and was confused as to who i should start dating.. i broke it down, and the person i actually had emotions for was Brenda.. everything i had every wanted, right there.. i coul dhave cared less about being taken care of.. if i were wealthy myself, i still would have chose Brenda.. she was the greatest.. gave me food, lent me a pot to cook that food, endlessly supportive..
so i moved out of the hotel, and in with Brenda..
what will happen? only time shall tell, my friend
only time shall tell
i don't wanna write n-e-more
