Life (like boiled cabbage) is one of those things that can get very boring. If you leave it too long it gets cold and scabby. Annoying someone is quite an entertaining yet positively evil thing to do. So I will now give a few pointers to the begginer Annoyance Master.
If you find annoying someone the easiest thing to do then scroll down until you come to advanced tactics. Otherwise read on from here.
First of all you must pick your victim for the day/ week/ month/ year/ lifetime (delete as appropriate). He/ she must (for a beginner) be a soft target. You can tell if the person is a soft target by telling them that they have:
A: Small breasts
B: A small penis
C: All of the above (for hermaphrodites)
If the person takes it once then gets annoyed then they are a soft target. If they admit to it then move on to the next person as they are trying to annoy you and you will have failed as an Annoyance Master. As soon as you find you first target sit down next to them or beside them.
1. First of all try singing really badly out of tune. Sing something with really repetitive words like "Renegade master" or any song by the "Vengaboys". If this fails move on to step two. If they do become agitated then carry on. If they move away then you have passed your first official "Annoyance Master" grading and you are onto the next stage in your annoying career. Please scroll down to "Intermediate tactics" if you found that bit quite easy.
2. If you can, try to annoy the person without making a sound. Stealth annoyance can be very hard to master because it involves a lot of mental training. The Annoyance Ninjas in this world use the mirror of Stealth annoyance to train. Some train for up to 23 hours a day. You must stare in to the mirror without smiling or laughing. If you laugh before your reflection then you have failed as a Ninja and are then thrown down the ranks as a begginer. You also must not look away before your reflection or you must face the penalty of become evicted which means you can never annoy again. Stare at your victim. You must wait until they have said "what?!" at least 13 times. Once achieved you may move to the next step.
3. Blatant annoyance...This is what we all know and love. Being generally twatish and annoying is easy yet not the best way to keep friends so always do it to someone that you have never really liked. Try to pick holes in virtually everything that they say. Pick up on all grammar otherwise you will have failed and deserve to die.
_-^-_-^-_-^-_-^ADVANCED TACTICS^-_-^-__-^-_-^-_ Congrats! You have completed your basic training and are well on the way to full Nija Annoyance Master. The advanced tactics can be very hard to master. The first of these is to be able to annoy anybody without doing a single thing. This is the way in which two Ninjas fight. You will know a true ninja when you meet one. They can do this perfectly from up to twelve metres away. If you cannot annoy them back from thier maximum range then you have lost the battle and are now the scum of the earth. To regain your Irritation Ora you must retrain yourself using the power of a double decker sander by shoving it up your anal passage and shouting "I AM ANNOYING!!!!" If this is not achieved without anyone trying to see if the straight jacket fits then you will never be annoying again and it is impossible for you to retrain. Ther is no easy way way of having a twelve metre ora except by person to person combat.
If you find this page and/or website annoying then you have been annoyed and I have beaten you from wherever I am. (Click "BACK" on your browser to go back coz I can't be bothered to make a link)
