Well, this is the showcase. The biggest show of the year. Wrestlemania. And thankfully, for the most part, the show did not disappoint. Even the ever-critical Pixie can only think of two very low points, and that was mostly because I didn't get to see the winner I wanted. Ah well. On to the show.

We start with Heat, which is opened by Vince McMahon and Paul Wight. The crowd is pumped- the asshole chant is loud, and in-sync. Vince says he doesn't appreciate the chant. But isn't that the idea? "Some have hoped, dreamed, eve prayed for Stone Cold Steve Austin to become the champ. It sounds like most of you are in for a major disappointment. There is a new provision in the championship match: there is no disqualification. The Rock, as champ, is quite frankly, the better man. And with the chair shots, SCSA has awakened a sleeping giant... you're looking at the man who will referee the match."

Paul Wight takes the mic, and gets a loud "Giant sucks" chant. "Mrs Foley, that man who left your house-- I want you to remember wgat ge looks like because what I'm sending back won't look like what left. Mankind, rumour has it you like pain-- you fall off cages, you play with thumbtacks, get thrown through stages...then you're going to love tonight. I'm a lawnmower, I'll mow you down to do my job; to protect the WWF championship belt- I'll do my job with extreme prejudice. And about the rattlesnake- I don't fear snakes, I like them. I like to clip tails, make keychains... skin them alive and make my boots. You're the toughest sob in the WWF? Well, tonight, you'll be on my time. I'll find out if you're the toughest SOB or if it's just a clever way to sell t-shirts. I'll put a chair by the backdoor and when you come in, I'll be on. Then I'll take your carcass, throw it in the ring, and count as the Rock wins 1-2-3. That's not the bottom line; that's the last word."
McMahon: "You might be asking yourself what the chances are of Austin becoming the next WWF champion. The answer is no chance in hell."

Vince is backstage and he's asking Wight something, I think asking him not to decimate Austin before Wrestlemania.

Ivory (with D'Lo) vs Jackie (with Terri)
D'Lo disappears and Terri does commentary. God, I love Ivory. I also love Jackie. This match was a plesant surprise. IT was a quick match, but they both did some actual moves, so it gets points in my book. Jackie gets the win, and Terri comes in the ring in order to burn Ivory with her cigar. *shrug* D'Lo wasn't there to help her, but Tori came down to help her, which cleared the ring.

DX is arriving backstage, all together.

The Greenwich Posse is sitting in the front row. Those guys are cool, I'll tell you that much.

Paul Wight is staring at the door of the arena, waiting for Austin. he has a scary look on his face.

DX comes to the ring.
HHH: Let's get down to business. Kane, if you want to play with matches, think of last week- I proved who has the biggest flame. Punches or fire? You get in my battle field tonight and you go down in a blaze of glory.
Road Dogg-"I'll make this short and sweet. I have to fight a nut, a slut, and Shamrock, with his head up his butt... it's like a Steve Guttenberg vehicle, instead of three men and a baby, it's three men and a DOGG. Welcome to my dogg house, here we do it doggy style."
Billy Gunn: "You think you have it bad? I have to fight Mr. Rogers and a goof who talks to a head. I'm fixing to unload a lot of bad ass on you, and it will be long, hard, and nasty."
XPac- "Shane may be the bosses son, but tonight, you'll pay your dues... I'm through talking: tonight, your ass is grass and I'm smoking it."
Backstage, Lucas interviews the champ. I have to turn my tv off because there is some sort of system overload with the cable company, and they have to reset my box in order for me to receive Wrestlemania. Fun. So I have no idea what the Rock said. Probably, the Smack Down hotel, jabroni, and laying the smack down were all mentioned, though.
Jeff Jarrett, Owen Hart and Debra come out to do commentary. The battle royal for the right to compete against them for the tag titles begins. Apparently, the booker was on crack, since it's not actually a tag team battle royal, but rather a "last two men standing are the tag team they will face" battle royal. The participants? Mostly midcarders and jobbers. This is the order of elimination: both of the Public Enemy (whole ring ganged up on them), Viscera, Gillberg, Animal, 8Ball, Hawk, Scott Taylor, Skull, Faarooq, Tiger Ali Singh, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Midian, Brian Christopher, Bradshaw, Steve Blackman, Godfather, Droz. The final two standing were Test and D'lo, who continued to fight each other. Jarrett/Hart did a run in. And one of the most pointless aspects of the whole night came to fruition: teaming D'Lo and Test.
Paul Wight is still waiting for Austin.
Bossman is interviewed by Cole. He says he's been in a cell longer than Undertaker has been on earth, and that it's home for him, and he's going to make Undertaker live up to the dead man name. It becomes dark... Undertaker's voice over comes on. Brood's music plays and they give Bossman a bloodbath. Cole gets off one of the funniest (unintentionally so) lines of the night: In the darknes, "What are they doing to the Bossman?")
Wight starts throwing things backstage.
Austin/Rock video.
Mankind backstage: asks Paul Wight if the stripes of his shirt make him look thinner...Wight says something, Mankind tells him "Queers are deaf." they start fighting. Austin walks in right behind them.

the end of the show.
onward to Wrestlemania

Boys To Men sing the National Anthem.

Al Snow vs Bob "I swear, he's STILL NOT Hardcore" Holly vs Billy Gunn (Hardcore Title)
Well, Al Snow dominates the match- both in hit counts and in bump counts. The man does it all and saves both Bobby and Billy from looking like idiots in a hardcore match. Weapons of choice tonight: A hockey stick, a broomstick, and a tray of ice. The obligatory chair and table as well. And of course, head. The match is good: Al does everything textbook. Finally, Billy lands a "fameasser" (Who the hell came up with that one?) on Al (on a chair) but Holly hits Billy with a chair and gets the pin, therefore the belt. Talk about a sick joke- that was Al Snow's belt all the way. Boo. Hiss. Still, it was a good enough match.

Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart (with Debra) vs D'Lo Brown/Test (With Ivory) (Tag titles)
Test still has yet to impress me. This match was no different. he's just an overgrown lug of a guy. Debra and Ivory have their confrontation, meanwhile, D'Lo is getting double teamed in the ring. Test is off doing whatever it is Test does. PMS come out... D'Lo is still being double teamed, and gets pinned, thanks to the distraction IVory/PMS causes. Test starts fighting with Ivory, she's yelling, D'Lo comes and hits Test. No one's happy, and the champs retain their belts. Wasn't there a team they could have faced? (cough) Brood (cough) BROOD.

Butterbean vs Bart Gunn (Brawl for All)
What's that sound? Well, aside from the sound of Bart hitting the mat in almost no time flat, that's the sound of someone's gimmick falling apart at the seams. Oops, sorry, slugger, you go your ass knocked down. Someone should have seen it coming: Sure, Gunn can knock out people who don't know how to box. But could he knock out a boxer? I don't even think he got a punch in. Quick as lightning. Poor Bart.

A chicken comes to the ring and riles the referee (VInny Panzienza) who hits him. *shrug*

Mankind interview: "I did everything that was asked of me. I fought the Undertaker and beat him. I was asked to fight Austin, and even wuth the questionable outcome, I beat Stone Cold. I tried playing nice, Big Show, and now you're going to see an angry young man. So try, try to have a nice day."

Mankind vs Paul Wight
Well, not a bad match. I think it's obvious that Mankind isn't 100%, though I was happy to see the rumour of him topping the King Of the Ring bump wasn't true. No one wants to see Foley endanger his life in the ring. Mankind gets the mandible claw on Wight three times, and almost gets him out the third. In order to hold the big guy down, and to apply the pressure of the claw, he gets behind him. This leads to Wight picking him up and throwing his entire girth onto Mankind. Unappealing thought. The ref is trying to control the match: Wight sets up two chairs and chokeslams Mankind through them. he was warned, and is thus, disqualified. Mankind wins, and he's the special ref for the main event.

Vince comes out-- he yells at the ref for not controlling Wight. And then jumps on Wight's case for screwing up. "What are you doing? Do you realise what you have done? I was counting on you... Don't look away from me. I'm Vince McMahon. You're a nobody." He almost gets chokeslammed, but Wight thinks better of it. Vince yells at him some more and then hits him. McMahon is flat out from a punch in 30 seconds.

Backstage, McMahon tells the stooges to get the cops, because he wants Wight arrested for assault.

Road Dogg vs Val Venis vs Goldust (With Meanie and Ryan Shamrock) vs Shamrock (intercontinental title)
This is a 4 corners elimination match.
Val tells the ladies not to worry, because even the intercontinental belt won't keep his pants up. Suprisingly, this is a good match. Now, I'm partial: Any time Road Dogg or Blue Meanie are on my screen, I'm a happy camper. Meanie was playing up the cute "Goldust's son" role really well. Road Dogg was working the match well. Everyone put a lot into this one. A lot of near falls for everyone. Val and Kenny fought outside the ring and got counted out at the same time. This put Ken into the zone, and he attacked both Goldust and Road Dogg before leaving the ring. Ryan Shamrock accidentially pulled Goldust's leg, though, and Road Dogg got the pin and win. Meanie and Goldust then yelled at Shamorck and sent her away, as the two of them walked off together. Road Dogg is still the intercontinental champion. I say yay.

Paul Wight is arrested backstage.

Kane vs HHH
The chicken comes out again, to attack Kane. Kane pulls the head off, and it's Pete Rose, who gets another tombstone. I found this to be one of the funniest things I have seen in a while. Clever.

Talk about a surprise: this, too, was a hell of a match. Kane really turned it up a notch, and he was taking a bunch of small bumps, as well as using the ropes a lot. Both were being pretty brutal, and it paid off. Solid performance here. Chyna comes out, and she puts the steps in the ring. Kane is bounced off them. Kane chokeslams HHH. Chyna comes with a chair, and asks to use it on HHH. Kane obliges, and she hits Kane with it. HHH gets the chair, pedigrees Kane on the chair and gets the win. Chyna jumps into HHH's arms, and they're reunited. As cool as I found this, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Kane, who is probably the most sympathetic character in the whole WWF stable.

who will be the ref in the main event? With Wight arrested and Mankind in the hospital... McMahon comes and says he has the best referee shirt in his athletic bag, and that he will be the guest referee for the match.

Sable vs Tori (Women's championship)
Well, as I knew, Tori could carry this match to something almost decent. Sable still has no business in the ring, though, and really should have dropped that belt. Still, it warms my heart she didn't win it on her own: Nicole Bass debuted, and took Tori out for the resident "I don't deserve this belt at all" champion, who kept the belt in one of the lowest points and biggest travesties of the night. Some of us like women's wrestling. Why aren't we getting some? Boo. Hiss. Sable.

DX interview: All back together. yay!

XPac vs Shane McMahon(with Test) (European Championship)
As XPac comes down the aisle, the stooges try to take him out, but he doesn't let them get away with it. The match isn't that great: I thought Shane had a lot more potential, and he didn't really show it in this match. Lots of interference from Test, not enough from the Greenwich Posse. Still, they grabbed XPac and he knocked them all down. There are some beatings with a belt in the ring. XPac gets crotch damage a couple of times, as does Shane. Lots of Bronco Busters.
HHH and Chyna come out as Xpac lands the XFactor. Chyna distracts he ref when XPac goes for the pin. HHH pedigrees XPac and puts Shane on him for the pin, which he gets. HHH and Test start beating on XPac, while Chyna holds onto Shane. New Age Outlaws come out-- HHH and Test go after them. Kane comes out and clears the ring of team corporate. Road Dogg lets us all know that HHH is a jackoff. Apparently, he and Chyna are corporate. And this is the end of DX as we know it. *sigh* there goes my favourite stable.

Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) vs Bossman (Hell in The Cell)
Hell in the Cell matches are legendary, thanks to Shawn Michaels and Mick Foley. I don't think many people had high hopes for this match, and it didn't live up to prior HITC matches. I'm sure both guys worked hard; but let's be honest-- Bossman is no Foley, nor is he a Michaels. Both men bladed. there were some stiff punches, lots of throwing into the cage. All is said and done, though, the crowd seemed bored with the whole thing. i was bored. I don't know what to say, I just wanted something spectacular. After all, the cell was involved. Undertaker tombstoned Bossman, and the Brood came down from the ceiling. They tore through the top of the cell and lowered a noose down. Undertaker then wrapped it around Bossman. Brood left as they came in, and Paul Bearer raised the cage, with a hung Bossman. Is he supposed to be dead? We'll see. Funny note: Michael Cole talking about people getting their fingers stuck in the Cell. I was making jokes before Lawler was.

Rage Party video. Not much wrestling action at said party, was there?

Video for the main event.

Vince comes out as ref. But wait- it's the Heart Break Kid- Shawn Michaels! Yay! He tells Vince to read the rule book, and that he's theonly one who can appoint a referee for a match. Shawn kicks Vince out of the ring and bans the Coporation from ringside for the main event. A regular ref is appointed, and we have
The Rock vs Austin (World title)
This was a really solid match: lots of fighting outside the ring and in the crowd. Rocky ws working Austin's bad knee some. There was an interesting "let's keep knocking the refs out" deal going on. Vince came to the ring at one point, got in and started beating on Austin. Mankind appeared, put a stop to that, and became the ref. Prior to this, there were a few near falls for Austin and the Rock... But Austin landed the stunner for the 3 count, and there is a new champion. McMahon was devastated. Rock was mad. Austin was probably drunk, since he was in the ring with beer for a good long while. He did the 4 corners. Shared a beer with Earl hebner. Attacked and stunned Vince, then dumped some beer on him as well.

well, that's that. I'll be at Raw tomorrow. Wanna look for my signs? This is what we have:

Blue Meanie (with a heart around his name)
Road Dogg's Groupie (I'm determined to get this on TV)
FREE LUNA
I Fear Kenny Shamrock's Nipples