30 November 1998

It all starts with video of Austin and Undertaker and what must be "the most devastating shovel shot in this history of our sport". oops, wrong show.

Headbangers with ICP come to the ring.
As they're entering, Austin is seen arriving at the arena, with a shovel. Austin comes to the ring, Headbangers even clap for him, but he stuns them both and does the four corners with the shovel. (IT's SHOVEL! Shovel is gonna start dating Head, and Socko is gonna get pissed and feud with Shovel... oh wait, i'm booking fantasy feds again) Anyway, Austin says he's not waiting the 13 days until Rockbottom for the buried alive match with UT... before the night is over, Undertaker will be wearing the shovel upside his head.

Immediately we cut to Mark Henry getting ready for his "date" with Chyna, at his house. I suppose the Headbangers just came out for the purpose of being stunned. I should've known Raw doesn't ever start with a match.

They show the TV Guide covers for this week, with Austin and UT on the cover. JR: "If these are sold out, you might have to buy the ones with the "old retiree" or "that SCSA wannabe" on the cover. LOL. That was one of the better lines on a night of fairly bland commentary.

New Age Outlaws vs The Brood (with Christian)
Not a bad fight. Edge huricanranas Jesse off the top rope, then goes to do the same to Billy (I'm not sure why he was sitting there)but Billy turns it to a powerbomb. The corporate stooges come out to the asshole chant. Jesse nearly pins Edge, but Christian comes in with the belt and NAO win by DQ. Team Corporate comes in and starts to beat on the Brood, which sucks badly because a)DX should brawl for NAO and b) I AM REALLY SICK OF SEEING SHAMROCK AND BOSSMAN. "Shamrock sucks" chant. Stooges walk off with NAO while the corporate team of "disturbing nipples" and "I really don't do much in the ring" stay behind to fight with Brood.

UT and Paul Bearer lock Austin in a meat locker. Hoo boy, more hijinks.

Henry getting ready for date: asks D'Lo to come along, so the "scond most handsome man in the WWF can be there" with him. D'lo protests, then agrees, as a favour to his friend.

Undertaker comes to the ring to speak. "Kane, I know in a dark recess of the building, you are here. As my ministry and plague of evil grow stronger (what the hell is he talking about? care to let us in? I have a feeling he'll be teaming with the Acolytes, for one hell of an underwhelming angle) two things stand in the way: Stone Cold Steve Austin, I'll keep him on ice until I bury him alive, and Kane, our battle is tonight. If you have the courage, boy, one will face the future and one will face the eternal darkness." Kane comes out. Undertaker and Kane fight in the ring sans ref. UT lands a tombstone and an elbow drop, Paul Bearer brings in a crew of orderlies from the mental hospital. For some reason, JR and Lawler have no idea who "the guys in teh white shirts are". I guess they didn't catch Heat last night. Kane starts to hit the orderlies and then takes off through the crowd, followed by them.

Henry and D'Lo go outside to the limo which he rented for his date. D'Lo is feeling funny about going- he's not dressed right, etc. Henry takes a jacket from the back of the limo that fits D'lo, and gives him sunglasses. He's happy about this- then he gets the driver's cap. LOL. D'Lo's reaction to this was great- it's like I've been saying- give that boy some mic time and he'll really be a superstar. He's sort of like Val Venis- you can't REALLY play him as a heel because he's way too likeable, and he's having too much fun doing what he's doing.

henry gets Chyna, who looks quite nice in her leather outfit. She tells Henry not to touch her, and when she sees the chauffer, she says "D'Lo?" and henry actually says, "No, that's not D'Lo..." At this point, this whole thing is turning out to be much funnier than I had anticipated.

XPac comes to the ring:
"I've got a little something to say. A lot of people ask about NAO, what's up? Well, why not ask NAO? The real reason I came out here-- Shawn Michaels. Come on down boy, cuz I'm gonna beat your ass and I ain't gonna use a chair." Shawn comes out, the commisioner who travels with his own theme song. "First off, XPac... kid... In case you didn't hear, I am the new sherrif in town. I am the new commissioner and if I want any crap oout of you, I'll pick it out of your teeth. I've picked guys bigger than you out of my stool..." XPac: "how wide must your bunghole be?" Shawn: "Nothing would thrill me more than to hand you your ass, but I'm not wrestling right now...I'm the commissioner. Look at me the wrong wau and I'll send your ass to that money pit in Atlanta fast. Tonight, you'll face "the world's most dangerous man" Ken Shamrock, but the match won't be for the Intercontinental belt, it'll be for the European belt. Hit MY music." And the DX music comes on, to which Shawn says, "I was DX before DX was cool"

*sigh* I really don't like this Shawn personae, though that interview was pretty funny. It seems a lot of my favourites are getting into this crappy corporate angle, and I'm not liking it one bit.

Chyna and Henry arrive at a restuarant, which, for some reason, only has male clientel, and half of them are outside when the arrive, yelling, "yeah! Chyna!"

Stone Cold Steve Austin has also escaped the meat locker, for anyone who was genuinely concerned that he was going to freeze in there.

Henry and Chyna date: Henry can't pronounce "Perrier", Henry likes Marvin Gaye, and he thinks he can sing. Chyna looks bored. After the segment, JR reminds us that SCSA has escaped the meatlocker. Oh, thank god!!

Goldust vs Jeff Jarrett (accompanied by Lion Lady)
Owen is at ringside, reminding us all that he is retired, and that he comes to shows to see his friends. And reiterates that he is NOT the Blue Blazer, nor was he ever. King apologises for saying he was, and JR refuses to.
Goldust controls the match until he gets distracted by the lion lady (I wish he was into machismo again) and Jarrett takes control. Goldust sets Jarrett up for Shattered Dreams when the Lion Lady comes in and tries to stop him. Owen Hart runs in the ring and attacks Goldust, while JR makes some snide comments about him being retired. The Blue Blazer comes in and yells, "Whoo!" to which Owen replies, "Whoo!" for one of the funnier moments, until the Blue Blazer attacks Owen and reveals himself to be Steve Blackman.
So wait... Blackman was always the Blazer? And what the REAL angle is... Blackman cloned himself. He's actually been kicking his OWN ass just to make Owen look bad. Either that, or he's been using mirrors and paint to do all of these elaborate Blazer tricks. Something like that, anyway.

Bossman vs Mankind (Ladder Match, for the Hardcore title)
mankind arrives to the ring with the JOB Squad. Shawn comes out with Bossman and sends them backstage. Shawn then sits at the commentator's table and puts down Foley, comparing him to himself, in what is one of the shittiest things I've heard in a while, even if it is angle. I mean, Foley gets sings that proclaim him GOD in crowds. And everyone in the WWF shits on him. It's getting old.
Anyway, this match is AWFUL. Bossman really has no skills. He stinks the ring up. He...oooh, lands on his feet when knocked off the second rung of the ladder. He does no moves. He takes no bumps. Foley works it as best he can. For some odd reason, Shawn calls Bossman sexy. mankind puts the mandible claw with Socko on Bossman, and then stuffs Socko in Bossman's mouth, and as he's about to get his belt, Rock comes in, and starts to fight Mankind. And since "anything goes" in hardcore matches, there is no DQ. Bossman gets the belt after doing nothing, and it's one of the crappiest things I've seen in a while. Then Shamrock, Rock and Bossman team on Mankind. *sigh*
I wouldn't care... I think belts should change hands... but this is a new belt, one that could be really interesting if it was defended by and challenged for by wrestlers who have a hardcore style. Considering that Bossman is completely useless in the ring, I now lump this belt with the lt wight belt and the women's. Meaningless.

We see Austin backstage with SHOVEL (tm) and Paul Bearer and UT with "those guys in the white coats".

Undertaker and Paul Bearer find Kane backstage, and they brawl a bit, using the furniture there as weapons. It's the best they've looked against each other in a while. Undertaker takes Kane down, Paul Bearer goes to get the orderlies and UT tries to put Kane in a bodybag. Austin, of course, hits Undertaker with the shovel.

Marc Mero vs Duane Gill (with the Pasadena Chargers, a bunch of 9 year olds)
"Duane Gill is from Baltimore, and If I can't beat this moron, this jobber, this will be the last time you'll see me" -- Mero. Scorpio and Holly come out. Mero dominates the match, but the Blue Meanie comes in, knocks Mero off the top rope and Gill gets the pin. So I suppose Mero is going in for a new gimmick, huh? How about "Don't piss me..." oh, nevermind.

This Duane Gill thing-- how long can it go on? I wanna see him fight Kane. *grin* But then again, he'd prolly win, which would be... sad.

Henry/Chyna: Henry tells her a poem and makes a toast to "you and me." Chyna downs her drink and then grabs the bottle. I love Chyna. And you know, her voice, which seemed weird the first time I heard it, is actually kind of cute.

XPac vs Shamrock (European Championship)
Not a bad match. We see NAO talking to Vince... I'm hoping this is another of those false DX builds... Bossman comes out during the match because, well, that's what he does. Bossman and Shamrock double team on XPac a bit, Shamrock gets the ankle lock submission, and then HHH comes in and beats off both of the corporate lackeys. Shawn gets in the ring and he's mad, everyone's mad, etc. etc. Nice to see HHH back, and here's hoping he calls DX back to order on Heat or Raw this week. Also, what's the point of HHH and Shawn feuding if Shawn can't fight him?

Paul Bearer and the orderlies come back for Kane, and he's in the bodybag with the Undertaker nowhere to be found. Paul checks and sees Kane's mask in the bag, and has the orderlies take him away. Hmmm...anyone else just KNOW what happened?

Henry/Chyna "brick House" comes on, Henry wants Chyna to dance with him. He dances, she stands by, but starts to clap when he dances, half heartedly. They stop, he goes to "powder his nose". Three men start to hit on Chyna (again, this is the all-male restaurant) and she tells them to go away. One ofthem calls her a bitch, and she hits him, which is just what I wanted her to do. Henry comes back and hits all three guys, and Chyna then pulls him out of the restaurant, thus, leading to them getting along? ugh.

Val Venis (with Godfather and hos) vs Tiger Ali Singh (with Babu)
Val: "Hey, Tiger, how low will Americans go? Well last night, your girlfriend went all the way down. Godfather, keep and eye on that little monkey )points to Babu). If he gets out of line, spank that monkey". JR: "Babu is trying to stay away from Godfather and the ladies of the evening." hahahah.
Godfather sends the hos to Babu, Jackie and Terri come out together, Terri low blows Val, and they walk off together in another high five. Then, for some reason, the Acolytes come in and attack Tiger and Babu, with Jackal looking on, happy about this. Random. Though, it'll be cool to see Babu in the ring again.

Paul Bearer sends his son away in the ambulance with the orderlies. Kane and Austin are watching him do this on a TV. Oh, man, I'm just WAITING for Kane to share a beer with him.

Shane McMahon comes out to boos. He's going to give Sable a lesson in humilty and bring her back to her roots, of hawking goods on WWF Tv. Apparently, they have a new fragrance, called "Attitude". I have to wonder what that smells like... Shane asks to "smell what she's cooking" and does so in a fairly lascivious way, so she sprays some in his mouth. Oh, you go, you strong woman.
So, then, after she leaves, Shane talks up the product some more and says, "it also makes a delightful breath spray." Oh, you slay me, Shane.

Al Snow vs The Rock
The Rock has new music AGAIN, and this time, it's worse than the last. I liked the one he was using the past few weeks... it was really catchy. This match, I had high hopes for, until it started really no frills, and at 10:51 to boot. No way this match would run to the end of the show. They seem to have a decent fight going on. Al knocks the ref out by accident. Rock lands the Rockbottom, but there is no ref. Rock then gives the corporate elbow to Head, which is pretty bad. Rock goes to hit Al with Head, but he gets it and instead, hits Rock, makes the pin, but again, no ref. Bossman and Shamrock come out (I need to just cut and paste that rather than type it, since they came out ofr almost every match of the night), Rock rockbottoms Al Snow, and the ref makes the count. Ah well. As much as I wanted Al to win, I didn't even bother marking out because I knew he wouldn't.
Mankind comes out, and the corporate schmucks all attack him with the nightstick. Job Squad comes in, (another things i should just cut and paste in) and even I chuckled at Duane Gill attacking Bossman (though their skills are on par with each other). The refs come out to break this up, Mankind and the Rock fight up the ramp. There is still quite a bit of tv time left, whcih makes me think that there is some sort of a time miscalculation.

But no...
Paul Bearer is looking for the Undertaker backstage. Austin shows up and Paul squeals, "Taker! Taker!" Kane comes out of the meat locker and they both attack Bearer. Austin mentions that Taker is going to the nuthouse in Kane's mask.
Austin and Kane pull Paul Bearer to the ring, and things get crazy. "How do you feel knowing it was you that sent Undertaker to the damn crazy house? That your damn Undertaker can't come save your fat ass? I've watched the tape of last week again and again and it pisses me off" Paul Bearer throws in "It was Undertaker!"
"You're a sick bastard and that's the bottom line. I'm thirsty, someone give me a beer right now" (someone throws him a beer. Isn't Kane thirsty? let's ask him. Oh. nevermind.)
"If you wanna see Kane kick the hell out of Paul Bearer, give me a hell yeah" "HELL YEAH"
"get him Kane. No wait- you know that thing you do with the gas can? Go backstage and get it and we'll have some fun." Kane goes to get GAS CAN (little does he know, GAS CAN is having an affair with SHOVEL.)
"No wait!" Austin gets a scissor and cuts Paul Bearer's shirt (mercifully, he is wearing an undershirt) Austin is meancing him with the scissor, and he's yelling, "Please don't Mr Austin! Please don't! Help me, son! It was Undertaker! Jesus, take me home!"
"I'm about to gut your fat ass"
Paul Bearer: "Don't kill me!"
Austin: "That'd be too easy ya fat bastard! I got a better idea!"
Kane and Austin walk Paul bearer out of the ring, and outside, where they stuff him in a manhole. Two things amaze me. One, the fact that they can fit him in there, and two, the fact that Glen jacobs can lift a manhole cover with his hands.

and that's that. I dunno, man. Team corporate and Job Squad (Al and Mankind notwithstanding) are REALLY getting old, and they're dominating the shows, making them not only predictible, but boring. Acolytes are pretty bad. What did Undertaker do to deserve this angle? Kane rocks. Brood also kick much ass. New Age Outlaws are still my favourites. It's great to see HHH back.

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