No Lawler tonight-- his stand in is Jim Cornette, which means somewhat awkward comments, less of a rapport with JR and no squealing of the word "puppies." I can deal.

The show starts with a moment of silence for the people slain in the Colorado High School massacre. I thought that was nice, although quite morbid and sad.

Vince arrives in his limo with the stooges. He has a black bag.

The Rock comes out- "the Electrifying one is back... Last night... The Rock must give credit where credit is due, and Stone Cold Steve Austin is and forever will be the biggest piece of trailer park trasg. Stone Cold? Did you give your best last night? Damn right. Did the Rock kick your ass? Damn right. And the Rock still walked out the people's champion. As a matter of fact, the Rock has one big problem, and that's a two hundred pound bag of steaming, stinking monkey crap named Shane McMahon. Before the match, the Rock told you, 'do not get involved, do not do anything.' but true to McMahon form, ah-ah, he..."
Shane comes out, accompanied by the corporation. "Monkey crap, Rock? I practicallt handed you the WWF championship on a silver platter but the Rock lets the corporation down. He had to entertaom the people- the people's headset, the people's camera-- and what happened there? A stunner. You could have been champion, but you stand before me a loser. You're the monkey crap."
Rock: "The Rock says the Brama Bull is going to take the sharp horns and turn them sideways, and stick them up your ass."
Shane:"Take that attitude out of here, if you smell what the boss is cooking." Rock: "You're three seconds, and the Rock means three seconds from getting the smack down on your candy ass."
HHH and Chyna then attack the Rock, as well as th erest of team corporate. Rock throws HHH off and then takes Chyna out, but the rest of the corp. overpowers him and Shane gets some shots in. As they leave, the Rock challenges Shane to a match later in the night.

Vince and the Stooges are backstage. they uggest he calls the cops on the Undertaker, but Vince refuses and says he'll give the Undertaker what he wants so he can have Stephanie back and safe.

Vince is waiting for Undertaker's call.

Shane is getting ready for his match.

Brood (Edge/Gangrel) vs Kane and Xpac (non title match)
mmmmmm... this had the makings of being a very sweet match, since if Kane feels like putting on a great match, Gangrel is the man he works best with. The thing about Kane, though, is he's MUCH more suited to singles matches than tag matches, and I think he puts on a better show when it's all him. Anyway, this wasn't bad, it was just average. Nonetheless, I enjoy everything the Brood does, and it gets points for that.

After Kane gets the pin, the lights go out and he's the latest recipient of a blood bath. XPac tries to go to Kane and gets royally chokeslammed for his effort. It's hard being the big red machine's little buddy. Keep trying, kid.

Vince is waiting again, and the phone finally rings. I think he has whiplash from the way he turned his head so fast.

The Undertaker is the caller- he has Stephanie, Vimce knows what he wants, and sets up a time to meet and make the exchange. If Vince slips up, he'll never see Steph again. Oh, and he wants Austin to bring the bag to him. The fact that Vince can't get this done isn't UT's problem, it's Vince's problem. Uh huh. Intrigue.

Austin comes out to do an interview, sending Cole away from him. Austin basically talks about how he kicked the Rock's ass. Vince comes out during the interview, rather humbled. "It's not easy-- what I am trying to say is... I need your help."
the exchange is basically Austin making Vince say he needs his help more than once, and then telling Vince to kiss his ass. Not surprisingly. The crowd was really 50-50 on Vince, who might need to do a bit more for the face turn to stick. We'll see next week, won't we?

Val Venis vs D'Lo Brown (with Ivory)
I really like D'Lo and Ivory, and they should be getting apush straight up to Intercontinental gold. But no, D'Lo is still pretty low on the card, despite getting a decent pop, posessing the ability to work the mic, and being one of the better and more interesting workers in the fed at the moment.
Anyway, this is a pretty good match, not much different than the match they had on Heat the night before. Nicole "Maneater" Bass comes out and distracts Val so D'Lo gets the win. Bass is in the ring, and Ivory jumps on her back, only to get flung a few feet. Val flees Bass, and his facial expressions alone make the angle worthwhile. I'm waiting to see where this goes.

Backstage, Paul Wight looks at Austin. "Hey, man, they have his daughter." AustinL " I don't give a rat's ass who they have" In print, this isn't nearly as funny as it played out.

New Age Outlaws interview: They're going to get the job done right, since Billy is fighting HHH.

HHH (with Chyna and crappy music) vs Billy Gunn (with crapy music)
What's going on with the new music? Billy's was bad... Rockabilly bad. Please don't tell me they're trying to change his name to simply "Mr. Ass" because that sounds as bad as their other gems, including "the Big Show" and "Prince Albert." But I did notice Cornette and JR using the moniker much more than Billy Gunn. Argh. The match wasn't bad, though most of it was HHH working Billy's knee. I'd rather watch Road Dogg, but that is more my pruirent interests doing the talking for me. Chyna hits Gunn, and Road Dogg comes down. He can't get past Chyna, though, and he won't hit her, so HHH manages to land the pedigree for the win. I have a feeling this is the end-end of DX, with the new music and the apparent lack of any/all teamwork from these guys. Blargh.

XPac is backstage looking for Kane.

Mankind and Paul Wight vs Test and Bossman
Oh, come on, get on with the Test/Bossman feud. I couldn't care less about either of them, to be honest, but I'm sick of the "build" for this feud. Foley does most of the work for the other team, which is fine by me, since I'd rather watch him than Wight any day. Wight goes for chokeslams and Test gets Mandible clawed by Socko, which for some reason, the announcers kept saying was coated in blood. I really beg to differ: it looked like someone had airbrushed or screenprinted a picture of Mankind's face on the sock... either that, or there is something going on with the way Foley bled on that sock. Bossman gets chased by Wight. When all is said and done, Foley/Wight are the winners, and Test/Bossman are fighting in the ring.

Xpac is STILL looking for Kane.

Bob Holly is beating on Al Snow. He steals Head and says Al can have it back when he gets another shot at the Hardcore Title. Come on, now. We finally have a champion worth watching, and they already want to take that from us? No fair.

The Cleavage promo- we finally see more than the mailbox. Our buddy Beaver is eating cereal, which is dry. "This cereal sucks! Mom!" Mrs. Clevage comes out and offers some "Mother's Milk." Funny enough, and she seems to have a wrestler's physique, so at the moment, I am hesitantly saying this will work. But I'm not standing by that in case it really sucks.

Jeff Jarrett (with Debra) vs Godfather (with five hos)
Intercontinental Title flashes on the screen. JR says it's not a title match. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the "non title title match." Godfather does the whole intro, Jarrett says it pisses him off that it's not a title match, and that "Huggy Bear" should put the title on the line. Godfather agrees, but if he wins, he wants Debra to be a ho. And Debra is into it. Match starts. Godfather does his usual "ring work" and Jarrett plays along. Val Venis and Nicole Bass are both out at some point, and Godfather gets the win. Debra goes to become a ho, and Owen Hart pulls her away. Is this a feud now? ugh.

Vince is waiting for Undertaker.

PMS promo with their man. UGH! Why is this "sexy" guy the doofiest thing I have ever seen? Why is this happening at all? I'm so not into this bit, so thankfully it's short. I really don't want an image of Bucky the Wonder Kid doing Terri Runnels, thank you very much. And why isn't Jackie working on being a WRESTLER? I so prefer her in the ring.

Bradshaw vs Ken Shamrock
WOOO HOO! Shamrock wears a shirt! I know that was for my benefit. I actually marked at not having to see his nipples. I realize this is somewhat childish of me, but I get on my kicks and that's that. The match never really happens, since Faarooq comes in and the Acolytes both just beat on Shamrock, who lost his baseball bat early on in the match. Test comes in to help out Shamrock, which is suppose is his face turn. Shamrock and Test? Yeech.

Shane McMahon (aka "The Crock") vs The Rock
Shane gets his ass handed to him. Gas and Rodney come out and get their asses handed to them. HHH and Chyna make the save for the Greenwhich posse, and the refs are held back from breaking up the atack on the Rock. "Rocky" chant, and the face turn is complete.

Vince is waiting for the Undertaker... but... BUT! The Ministry has Stephanie (looking BEAUTIFUL IN A LOVELY DRESS) at the ARENA! Ohmahgawd!

Xpac calls Kane out... but before anything happens, Jarrett and Hart descend upon Xpac and kick his butt. Kane comes out and clears the ring, then Xpac pushes him to see what's up. Kane responds with a chokeslam. After a few seconds, he picks XPac up and carries him off to the back because he's good like that.

Undertaker has the Ministry being Stephanie to the ring, tied to the symbol. Paul Bearer conducts a wedding service, while she screams "no" over and over. Shamrock comes to help out, but gets squashed by Viscera. Paul Wight comes to help, but gets tossed by Undertaker after the Ministry can't get the job done. Finally, Austin comes out and clears the ring, saving Stephanie, who hugs him big time. Vince comes out and she runs to him, he seems to gesture thanks to Austin, and the show ends.

pixie "No Road Dogg? No Meanie? *pout*"