Ahhh. The week before Wrestlemania. What can I say? I went in expecting a good show. And I can't say I was let down, much. We'll get to what did let me down as the report goes on.

We start with Austin, backstage, being asked for an autograph by a man driving a Coors truck. I'm pretty sure everyone knows where that truck is going to end up.

Inside, Vince and Shane McMahon make their way to the ring with the Rock. Vince says it's his privelidge to stand in the ring between two great champs who will walk in and out of Wrestlemania with their belts intact. Shane gets the mic and challenges XPac to a "Greenwich Street Fight" that night, since he can't wait for Sunday. McMahon says he feels good because his family is very secure, and that Undertaker will be busy with the Boss Man later that night. He adds that Undertaker and Austin are conspiring against him, in order to take his mind of the real issue at hand, which is keeping Austin from winning the WWF title at Wrestlemania.

The Rock says he'll end the career of "the biggest piece of Texas trailer park trash there ever was. Austin, you keep looking at the Rock, obviously the aura of the great one draws you to him... and you can't wait to go one on one."

McMahon says there will be a special ref in the match between Austin and Paul Wight, "to make sure Austin is 6 feet under." And that ref will be the Rock.

Mankind comes out and says he wants to be the ref. He challenges the Rock to a match, for old times sake, and for the chance to be the ref in the main event. The Rock tells him to kiss his ass. Mankind: "Hey Rock, I gave that up for Lent... I figured you'd say that, so I went to San Antonio and got commissioner Michaels to sign, seal and deliver a match between the Rock and Mankind." Of course, Team Corp isn't happy about this.

Austin breaks up the fun, though, when he drives the afforementioned Coors truck into the arena. He jumps up on top, does his spiel towards the Rock, and then pulls a hose out, and sprays beer all over the McMahons and the Rock. they all sell the beer like no tomorrow, and it's actually pretty funny.

Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart (with Debra) vs Edge and Gangrel (with Christian)-- tag belts
An odd thing: Middle of the match, Edge and Christian start switching places. The ref seems rather oblivious to this. Edge is shirtless. Christian is wearing a shirt. Edge and Christian don't look alike at all. But they get away with it. Still, it's a good, solid match, with everyone in the ring showing talent. And I'll NEVER complain when the Brood are actually fighting and not acting like morons with Undertaker's "real job squad." The match is ended when Public Enemy come in, and everyone tries to take them out. Then the lights go down, and Debra, in her little (and I mean little) white suit is the recipient of a blood bath.

The New Age Outlaws are interviewed. You see, they're having a belt vs belt match. Road Dogg: "You see, I live my life all or nothing. Tonight, I'll get it a-l-l. So Mr A-double crooked letter, I'll see your ass in the ring." Both are pretty confident about winning. Anyone who knows me knows I'm rooting for the D-O-G-G.

Shane and Vince are seen backstage, talking about "Greenwich style."

Road Dogg vs Billy Gunn (Intercontinental belt/Hardcore belt both on the line)
Road Dogg: "I don't like this one bit, but by God, we're ghonna ger jiggy and do it doggy style." He does the whole intro. The crowd does Billy's intro for him, and we're off. Honestly, not a bad match. They both work it hard, if a little sloppy. No one really dominated, there was a volley. The match was better than anything they did against each other in their other personaes, I'll say that much. The ending was the best we could have hoped for: Al Snow, Goldust and Val Venis all do a run in, the ref calls for the bell, and there's a DQ, so belts stay in place. NAO then work against the three guys. Right before they cut to commercial, it looks almost as if the guys are going to switch belts. As we find out later, that didn't happen, since Billy is booked in a 3 way HC match for WM, and Jesse is in the IC 4-way match.

The Stooges are getting coffee for Vince. They say "no, please."

After commercial, we're shown what happened. LOD attacked them.

Blue Meanie comes out. It's ABOUT time. I love this man. He's adorable, talented, and should have a more active role. He's wearing a nifty shirt: "Like mother, like son" with a picture of Goldust and himself as a kid. Awww. "hey Shamrock, I am sick and tired of you sticking your nose in my business. The WWF is not big enough for the both of us. The Blue Meanie is taking a stand. I'm calling you out." Shamrock's music plays, and Ryan Shamrock comes out. Blue Meanie goes to spank her (lucky gal ;) and Ken Shamrock makes the save. Goldust follows him, and they fight. Shamrock gets Goldust in the ankle lock, but Meanie lands a solid chair shot on Kenny. Goldust leaves with his arms around Meanie and Ryan, but they're trailed by Ken.

The "JR is War" Frat party is shown. *nod* I guess it's a dig at Nitro party? Amusing enough, and fast.

The Cleavage promo is shown again. Lawler asks what the hell it is. Yup. Good question.

The Ministry is seen backstage. oooh. Scary.

< i>Sable vs Ivory
D'Lo goes in for guest commentary. Sable starts stretching and it takes 100 years for the match to start. D'Lo says, "What the hell is this?" And I'm inclined to agree. Don't start me on this match. Sable dominates, which is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. She's slow, awkward, and will NEVER do anything that changed my opinion of her. Ivory actually loses the match, with PMS at ringside, to pull her down. I scream travesty at my television. Bah. If Sable doesn;t lose that belt at Wrestlemania, I declare US Women's wrestling dead, and I will only watch Mexican and Japanese women from now on. (This is probably not true. But I'll hate Sable even more.) Tori comes out, and Sable does a frightening wiggle thing, showing her only talent. Tori gets wrapped in the ropes, but still manages to get out and smack Sable around some. She even goes after the ref. I look forward to an Ivory/Tori feud. That might give us some REAL matches!

Someone should just squash sable. I was chanting "Shoot, Ivory, shoot" at home. I'll be hellish at the arena next week. I'm thinking a "Sable blows goats" sign will be good enough. =)

Mankind vs Rock
Good match. These two are solid. I guess this is what I would have liked to see as the main event at Wrestlemania, but this was good enough. A lot of the match was outside the ring. A missed Mr. Elbow. A low blow back kick from Mankind to the Rock. Rock grabs the headset to talk. Mankind knocks him around some. The ref gets knocked out. Rock gets a pin in this time. As does Mankind. As Mankind gets ready to go for the mandible claw, Paul Wight comes out and chokeslams Mankind. the ref wakes up, sees this, and DQs the Rock, meaning Mankind gets to ref. Paul Wight is furious, Rock isn't happy, and they leave together, since Mankind is in the ring with a chair.

Kane vs Goldust
Major surprise here. As Goldust is about to take his cape off, he pulls out a flame blower and shoots fire at Kane. Then, he reveals himself to be HHH. Hunter really had the mannerisms of Goldust down pat. And hey, fire always looks pretty cool.

JR is war party- Bob Holly goes after Dr Death. They have a HC match in the frat house, with it concentrated in the kitchen. I suppose it was good, but Holly as HC still doesn't work for me.

Shane and XPac (Greenwich Street Fight)
Well, Shane gets thrown to the ground. XPac stomps him some. The posse shows up. They beat on XPac. Them and Shane leave in their cars. Yup. That's all. And it lasted about as long as it took you to read this.

Undertaker is backstage. Close up. He looks weird. Someone should tell him to grow his moustache back. He looks Amish.

Test/Ken Shamrock/Boss Man vs Undertaker/Faarooq/Bradshaw
Bizarre fight... they all brawl in the ring. They fight into the crowd. The camera angle shows the crowd and not the action. It gets dark. WWF cuts to a commercial. When we return, nothing more. *shrug* NOt that I really cared.

Vince comes out. he has on his suit with no shirt. He asks if the fans like the way he looks. Says because they like what Austin did so much, he'll show it again. Guarantees Austin won't win title at Wrestlemania. Rock comes out. Paul Wight comes out. Mankind comes out. Austin comes out.

Paul Wight vs Austin
I'm not a big fan of Wight by far, but he actually held himself together for this match. Austin is looking better than he has in a while, as well, so maybe that had something to do with it. The match had a lot of fighting outside the ring, and Mankind occassionally hit Paul Wight. He also menaced Paul with achair to get him back in the ring. Lots of brawling. Austin gets the win, though, with a stunner. McMahon is unhappy. Rock gets in the ring and fights with Austin some. And that's all.... See you at Wrestlemania!