Ah, I have rants! Rants! Rants to attach all through tonight's report. We start out with Austin, and as much as I know everyone and their mother loves him, it was a weak start compared to all the Foley/DX openings of the past month or so. Pretty standard interview, with a 3:16 catchphrase, a few SOB refrences, and a bunch of other stuff pertaining to the Rumble that I am too lazy to transcribe at the moment.
Austin then drinks a beer while standing on the announcer's table.
Roaddogg is seen backstage gathering things for his match.
Roaddogg vs Gangrel (Hardcore title)
"MY name ain't Buffy, but tonight, I'm a vampire hunter!" and the Outlaws intro is modified to "Hardcore Chmpion of the World," but Billy is still, inexplicably, announced by Jesse. he adds, "if you're not down with HC for l-i-f-e, I've got two words for ya..." and the crowd says the rest.
This is the match of the night- it should have been later in the show because it was the only one that really had a lot to it. Well, there were two others that made the cut, but they were rather one-sided. Both Roaddogg and Gangrel worked this match hard- table spots, one of which looked like a bit of a bump for Jesse James. Chair shots off the canvas, on tables. brief brawling in the crowd. Jesse gets a clean pin after one of the chair shots off the ring.
obligatory girlie comment (skip if you can't take it) Roaddogg flashed the greatest smile when walking up the ramp after his win.
Shamrock is seen backstage, lacing his boots.
Billy Gunn vs Test
Billy and Test have a fairly standard match. Not surprisingly, Shamrock runs in and attacks Billy. They fight outside the ring for a bit, and with Billy laid out across the stairs, Shamrock slaps on a- get this- ankle lock submission. I know, I was surprised too.
After commercial, Billy is having his ankle looked at by a doctor, who seems to yank at it really hard. Roaddogg is there, trying to calm him.
Jarrett and Owen Hart interview with Debra by their side. Something about them being #1 contenders and how they're going to win the tag belts. Shamrock and Bossman come in and attack them.
A new video of McMahon training is shown. This was was kind of funny, but not as great as the first one. Seeing McMahon give abunch of guys the stunner was worth it, tho. And when he said, "Austin, when I get in the ring with you, I'm gonna get me some," I was laughing hysterically.
Dan Severn vs Steve Blackman
Not a bad match, but kind of predictible. Decent work from them both, but what the need is an angle. Severn gets DQ when he goes for a low blow, and after the DQ still puts a dragon sleeper on Blackman.
Bossman and Mankind are brawling backstage.
Mankind and Rock video montage.
Mankind vs Bossman
I have no idea why Bossman was dominating this match for even a second. "Bossman sucks" chant, "Foley" chant as well. Mankind almost gets the win with a DDT --> socko! Mandible Claw, when Rock comes out with a chair for the DQ. He hits Mankind with the chair, and then gives him a Rockbottom on the chair as well.
Chyna is walking down the hall, with Henry begging her not to do what she is going to do.
Kane and Rock are in locker with McMahons. Vince is telling Kane what to do for the match, and Rock calls him a retard a few more times.
Chyna out. She tells Mark Henry that his time is up and he has to make a decision. Henry keeps saying no, and we see his mother in the audience. "Tell the truth, or I am going to humiliate you" Henry is begging her not to do it. Finally he says, "I lied... We didn't do nothing. We didn't do the wild thing, or even the mild thing. Now let me have the tape." Chyna responds with, "You wante to screw me, now you're screwed. Roll the tape anyway."
We see Henry in the locker with Sammy last week. She starts to kiss him, and then gets on her knees in front of him. he likes this, of course. He starts grabbing her butt. He then feels something... "OH Sweet Jesus, you've got a penis!" he yells, and runs to the bathroom to throw up. Sammy adds, "That's why they call me Sammy," as she takes off the wig.
Amazingly, Lawler and Cole are shocked by this.
Chyna: "She's a man, baby. I'd not have sex with you if you were the last man on earth and i was the last lady and we had to to keep the race going. Mom, no offense, he had it coming."
His mother calls him over, starts yelling at him and hitting him.
Al Snow vs Goldust (winner gets head match)
Al Snow really carried this match- but anything with him in the ring is pretty decent, so I'll say it was a good match. Lawler is holding head, but when Al gets the win, he passes head into the ring. Al gets head back, and goes after Goldust, but misses the shot with head. Goldust manages to take Al off his feet, and head goes flying out of the ring. Goldust sets Al up for shattered dreams, lands it, gets head, hits Al with head, and then takes off. Interesting feud.
Brisco and Paterson and talking backstage about who gets to pin Chyna.
Dennis Knight is rambling at Lalwer/Cole.
Why? Because Undertaker comes out, with the druids and Acolytes to talk some more about sacrificing souls. And evil. The crowd cheers like crazy for UT until he starts this. LOOK! Undertaker is OVER! People LIKE Undertaker. WWF may want him to be a heel, but it's NOT gonna happen. However, if they keep doing stupid speeches like this (which the fans seem to hate in the arenas) they are going to start seeing people turn to WCW, plain and simple. It's really a horrid angle. We'll be shocked by who the next sacrifice is at the ppv, says Undertaker.
Chyna vs Paterson/Brisco
This match is slow, with Paterson and Brisco doing moves 'from 30 years ago", like airplane spins. Paterson tries to deliever a low blow to Chyna and seems genuinely shocked when it doesn't have the effect he wanted it to. Paterson and Brisco start to fight each other a bit, and Chyna sits on the top rope. Paterson knocks her off to the ground, and she just lays there.
Sable's music play. (note: At this point, I start to yell at the TV, "no, no, no! if Sable gets involved in this, I will watch WCW exclusively! Sable will NOT defend Chyna! No, No NO!"
Thankfully, Luna comes out in the Spider Lady outfit and starts beating on Sable with a belt. That always makes me happy.
Chyna is brought into the ring, and Brisco does a people's elbow. Chyna gets up, but they throw powder in her eyes. While she can't see, they grab her ass and breasts, in one of the most stupid and horrible things I've seen in a while. Have some respect, damnit. And then they wonder why women's wrestling isn't over in the US... gee, I have NO idea...
Chyna manages to DDT them both, pile them on top of each other, and then sit on top of them for the pin. Now, that rocked, but did we need the ass/breast grabbing? I don't think so. Chyna still rules in my book.
I really want to see more women in the ring... and I really want intergender matches. But not with this silliness.
Rock vs Kane
mcMahon and team corporate come out with Rock. Kane and Rock are face to face: Vince says, "Nothing is going to happen... all you have to do is put your finger to his chest, he falls down and we go home." (giggle, though the digs are getting old. I think WCW has been paid back for the results/Foley comments) Kane raises his hand after Vince tells him not to do anything stupid, and team corporate attcks him. Rock calls for the match, and fights Kane, dominating him a bit too much. Kane did a few classic kane looking moves, team corporate came in again, and Mankind came down with a chair to take outr Corp members.
Rock is backing up the ramp while mankind chases him, Austin comes down behind him, and Rock gets hit with a chair.
Lackluster pre-PPV show, if you ask me. People who need to be on TV more: Edge, D'Lo Brown, Blue Meanie, Luna. Give D'Lo and Meanie angles, for god's sake!!!
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