Vince McMahon out-- "Monkey crap? (to crowd) Shut up, I have something to say! Monkey crap? I smell what the Rock is cooking and it's a big sack of monkey crap. I think "the Rock" is going to your head- you need a reality check, Duane. Who has done all of this for you? What about your family? Your dad? What my dad did for your grandfather? You may think that's your belt, but it's MINE. But you're not going to lose that belt, not to Stone Cold Steve Austin. So far, this has been a bad dream... it's not going to become a nightmare, and you losing that belt to Stone Cold Steve Austin would be a nightmare... It's family. I think of you just as I think of my son, Shane. My family has been looking after your family for years and years. I brought in Paul Wight to protect the family. He'll never be a family member, but he'll protect the family and do his job. So far he has... he's protected the title, and he's going to make sure you win. Maybe he isn't as quick on teh uptake as you and I are, but he will make sure you win that title."
Paul Wight comes out (to his own music): "What do you mean I'm not quick on the uptake? I'm thinking I'm going to take that great big check you gave me and cash it on his punk ass. You have anything to say? I'll use the vhange on yours."
Vince: "You were brought here at a great expense to do a job. You want to keep cashing those checks, you do your job. Vince McMahon always gets his money's worth... (he slaps Paul Wight.)
Paul responds by grabbing Vince and pushing him into acorner of the ring, telling him to never touch him.
Vince gets away, and then says, "This is my fault. This is what Austin wants. This is what these people want. Well, they're not going to get it. You two are going to function as a unit, a corporate tag team. One opponent is going to be Mankind. the other is going to be Stone Cold Steve Austin."
As they clear the ring, a construction crew comes in and starts building something in front of Cole and Lawler.
Road Dogg Jesse James vs Val Venis (intercontinental title)
Well, I said I'd mark out, and DAMN STRAIGHT! Road Dogg is now the new Intercontinental Champion! Former tag champ, former hardcore champ, my favourite guy in all of wrestling is working his way through the ranks, and I couldn't be happier! It was a good match as well, with Val upping his workrate a bit, and Jesse getting some new moves in. There were three near falls, one with Val's feet on the ropes (which the ref caught) when Road Dogg finally landed a DDT and got the pin. Whoo! Billy Gunn came out to celebrate with him, and they both gave the crotch chop to Val together.
Ahhh, a great way to start the show, at least for me. ^_^
Rock and Paul Wight are seen becakstage. The Rock says he doesn't need help in a match, and Paul Wight said he'd be there to make sure there is no trouble.
Dx get interviewed. Road Dogg-"the D-O-G-G is the new I-C- C-H-A-M-P. For Rocky Maivia, that's IC Champ, biatch. I'm coming after yours next, I've had them all in the past six months, right?" Billy then asks for a shot at the title, and it cuts away to the arena.
Shane McMahon is in the ring, and he announces he'll be having a handicap match against former tag team champions. The LOD's music plays, and out come Paterson and Brisco, dressed as LOD. The bell sounds, and this is an actual match. I must say, despite his punches looking weak, Shane McMahon could actually be a wrestler. He seems to have some ability in the ring, much to my surprise. If he had some more training... who knows what he'd be capable of? Vince did some commentary for this match, and was talking about how proud he was of Shane, and they were all having a pretty decent laugh at the expense of Hawk and Animal. So what did _they_ do to the WWF, huh? Shane gets the pin on both of them at the same time, and Vince says XPac has a lot to worry about at Wrestlemania.
As Shane and Vince walk off, they find Undertaker, on the screen. He's waiting at their house, with the ministry, for "her."
McMahon calls his house security guard.
The thing which was constructed at ringside is covered in a cloth. JR and Dr Death come out. They bulilt a second announcer's table, which says "JR is WAR" on it, and it's his personal table. Dr Death stands by his side, and he joins in commentary. Just hearing SOME of his commentary makes me wish they'd clean up this angle, put Cole back in his old job, and let JR do what he does best.
Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett (with Debra) vs Public Enemy (tag titles)
The story goes as follows: The wrestlers don't accept PE because of where they used to work. The executive committee wants them in the WWF, so they threw them the chance to be #1 contenders for the tag belts, to show them they want to keep PE in the WWF. I don't think this got the crowd any more excited about them, but hey, who else is around to be #1 contender, right? Jarrett slamed "Flyboy" with the guitar and got the win.
Shane is on the phone, backstage, with a sgt. from Connecticut. He's trying to explain that it isn't a publicity stunt, and that his family is in trouble. The Sgt. tells Vince he's watching them on TV.
Vince and Shane are upset because the Sgt. didn't take them seriously. Shane offers to call his posse out. Vince doesn't know what to do. The phone rings, and Shane gives it to Vince. "It's him." Vince relays the message- "It's almost 10:00, do you know where your family is?"
Vince then gets an idea that they can do something tonight.
Cut to Mankind, backstage, talking to Socko. "Yeah, it's true, I like having you around, but you have to be the filthiest sock around. So tonight, I'll give you a bath in Paul Wight's saliva! Have a nice day!"
Midian vs Boss Man (cage match)
I suppose this is another effort to make us think that Bossman vs Undertaker in a Hell In the Cell match is a good idea. I think half of the crowd went to the bathroom at this point, but hey, I wasn't there, so maybe the sound feed just got messed up, and that's why it sounded so quiet. After a few minutes, teh corporation came out, and they attacked Midian. Vince told the Undertaker he would give the word to the corporation to destroy Midian if he didn't get away from his house.
Undertaker (with the Ministry on screen by his house) Go ahead. the ministry is more than prepared to give their lives for the Lord of Darkness. (a car pulls up) do what you feel you have to do. (the feed cuts)
Shane starts calling the house, both Shane and Vince are freaking out and Paterson is trying to calm them down.
Sable gives Lawler a tour of the Playboy mansion. As funny as Lawler usually is, this wasn't really a great skit at all. Hugh Heffner appeared in it as well.
Lawler brings Sable out for an interview, and they show her Playboy pics on the screen (censored, of course.) She then says if people want to see more, they have to buy the magazine. Tori comes out, in a red dress. "THey can see me for free! It took me a while, but last week you made things perfectly clear. You're just a woman, nothing makes you better than me. Unlike you, I'm willing to show everything I have free of charge. Word has it you need an opponent for wrestlemania. I'm ready, willing, and able." Sable accepts, and Tori takes her dress off, to reveal her underwear. As much as I wanted to see Luna win that belt, I'll be more than happy to see Tori, who can wrestle, take it as well.
The cops are shown, ariving at the McM home. He can't find anything, though.
Another Streets of Greenwich promo is shown. One of the guys is in shadows. I'm not sure why.
Billy Gunn vs Bob Holly (Hardcore title)
Billy takes most of the bumps in this match, as has been the standard for all Holly HC matches. Billy throws Holly over the ropes (it's mostly in the ring, very little weapons, other than a chair and a broom) and he's obviously supposed to crash through JR's table, but instead, his legs just hit, and he breaks a small bit of it. Holly looks a bit injured, but Billy gets him in the ring for the pin. JR stands there, mad that his table got broken. Billy is the new Hardcore champion, and while he's not the most HC guy around, anyone is better than NOT hardcore Holly.
This should set up some interesting developments between New Age Outlaws, though, I maintain, feuding the most over tag team they have is a bad idea.
Vince and Shane are on the phone with the cops. Undertaker gives some of his speech, and then shows a burining Undertaker symbol on the lawn of the house.
HHH comes out. The announcers say Chyna has a partially burned retina. HHH: "Kane, you play with fire, you get burned. You burned Chyna last week, too bad for her. But lets' face it, it was my eye you wanted, that fire was meant for me. All you did was light my fuse-- so get down here and burn, bitch, burn."
Kane comes out, and HHH runs the ramp to meet him. Kane and HHH are fighting outside the ring, and MCMahon comes out, standing in the ring, to ask Kane for his help. "You can talk to him... I don't ask you for much." As it turns out (and is obvious by some of the moves) Kane is actually the Undertaker, who unmasks in front of McMahon. The lights go out, and Undertaker says he can do what he wants, "Anytime, anywhere."
Basckstage, Paterson tries to calm down Vince and Shane, telling them it's over.
Rock and Paul Wight vs Mankind and Steve Austin
there is a lot of brawling going on. A Mr. Elbow is delivered. A Corporate Elbow is delivered. Rocky Sucks chants. Socko chants. Paul WIght starts to kick the crap out of Mankind. Rock and Austin go after each other. Austin throws Rock through the Spanish Announcer's table. Paul Wight and Makind are brawling outside the ring- Rock and Austin are as well. Then the match just cuts off, and they start to play Austin's music. I suppose they ran out of time? Either way, there was no real ending to the show.
but hey, Road Dogg is the new IC Champion. =)
--pixie
