okay, a warning: I've had a nasty cold the last few days, so I didn't get as much down as I usually do, transcription-wise. Plus, last night wasn't the most exciting show ever, IMO, and I was kind of... bratty after a certain point. ;)

Anyway... We start off on a GREAT note, with DX out as Team Corporate. That was some funny, funny stuff, especially Jesse James as Vince, with the two ass kissers. I was cracking up, and really glad we had a tape in the vcr. All of them did a good job and Chyna with the nightstick was great as well. Jason Sensation had me wondering for a sec why HBK was playing along, and then I realised it was him- he's great. The "dropped the ball" bit was really clever. It's amazing how involving DX in the Team Corporate angle makes the existence of such an annoying team less aggrivating.

Team Corporate comes out: HBK: "DX is doing another skit, another parody, Gosh golly gee, how original. You and your parodies are like worn out renditions of a favourite song. Just to show the Team Corp has a sense of humour, NAO will have a rematch against Shamrock and BossMan for the tag titles tonight." (booo, hisss)

Rock: "HHH, wanna imitate the great one? The Rock hopes you're not busy tonight, because The Rock plans on whipping your monkey ass all over Tacoma. HBK mentions that HHH just hangs out with champs, and that he's not one himself, and that the match will be non-title.

HHH:" The Rock doesn't want to lay gold on the line... I may have been gone for a while, but before I left, I was the guy kicking your ass on TV every week. The last time you and I fought and you had the gold, I walked out with it.

the Rock blames Chyna, for hitting him in "the corporate jewels" He challenged HHH to go one on one for the belt, and then goes through other wrestler's catchphrases, trying to remember his own. HHH cuts in, "Don't worry, yours isn't any better"

All in all, a nice bit, and now I have TWO contenders to cheer for. If it can't be Foley, then why the hell not HHH?

Godfather/Val Venis (with hos) vs Edge/Christian (with Gangrel)
Nothing very exciting to say about this. I really just don't like Val and Godfather as a team. Val's a good wrestler, Godfather isn't, and their gimmicks aren't as compatible as they seem to think. Val is also stronger as a singles wrestler, and their intro takes 1700 years. By the time they're done, I just don't care about the match. Edge and Christian, however, I like a lot. Too bad Val gets the pin on Christian. Gangrel grabs the mic and screams "they'll be a bloodbath" and that's that.

Blackman interviews: Talks about Owen Hart running from him yesterday and promises to unmask the Blue Blazer to prove it's the "filthy little nugget." Give him some more interview time, and he could eventually be over. He could also be a good choice to de-throne Shamrock of his IC belt, and start a more interesting angle for him. Blackman is a good fighter. No reason why he can't be a good interview/character as well.

Blue Blazer vs Goldust
There is a loud "nugget" chant. Goldust is getting cheered again, which makes me happy. Just keep putting him against people that everyone hates, and people will eventually give him the reaction he deserves. I actually can see them giving Debra to him as a manager down the road, which isn't terribly thrilling. Goldust sets Blazer up for Shattered Dreams. Jarrett comes in, Blackman comes in and takes out Jarrett, then Goldust pulls Jarrett out of the ring, and Blackman unmasks the Blazer. It's Owen Hart. Anti-climactic, no?
(of course, there was a thrid blazer, so if they REALLY want to continue the angle, they can)

"Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry/D'Lo Brown (with Jackie/Terri) vs JOB Squad (with Al Snow/Blue Meanie)
I can't believe they're announcing Henry as Sexual Chocolate. they even gave him a new song. Oh boy. He's a lover, not a fighter now. (Hey, we've been saying you can't fight for a while! thanks for finally seeing it our way!) He says that on the date, Chyna asked him to slip into her bed, and that D'Lo was recording it. Ugh. I'm hoping this is a set up for an angle where she kicks his ass again.
Can someone explain WHY Jackie and Terri are helping them win?
Henry gets the pin when Jackie goes off the top rope and takes out Bob Holly. I'd rather have seen Al Snow and Blue Meanie fight...

New Age Outlaws vs "World's Most Disturbing Nipples" Ken Shamrock and The Big Broomstick (Tag Belts)
Crap. The match didn't follow usual NAO style, and Billy was getting HIS ass handed to him. He was getting his leg worked on hard, and Shamrock used a chair on his leg. Damnit all. Road Dogg is getting some moves on the overused team corp. people, but Shawn stops that when he hits him with a chair and there is a near fall. Billy is yelling at Shawn, finally, with his back to Shamrock... Shawn hits Billy with the nightstick, and Shamrock goes for the ankle lock. Billy is passed out, so the win goes to the losers. Which, of course, annoys me (why not make ALL the belts mockeries? Why not give ME the world belt? After all, I can do a decent spinning heel kick and an elbow drop... More than BossMan can, anyway) But... okay. So Billy was passed out. he didn't get pinned. he didn't say "I quit" Thus, the belts are still NAO's, if you want to go by Vince's rules. Or, if you want to say Vince pulled that rule out of his ass, then Mankind is the World Champ. Either way, one of the two are champions. Continuity, people. (mark mode off for rest of the report, I promise)

Vince and Shane come in to pick SCSA's number for the Royal Rumble. No shocker there. #1. Then the second person in the rumble is picked- and it'll be- Vince McMahon. Oh, so THAT's how they'll get people interested in a main event where the winner is certain to be Austin. And guess what? Vince's # is 30. So, Asutin eliminates the whole ring, and then Vince comes in last to battle Austin. I'm not terribly into Austin, but I'll be tuning in to see what happens, nonetheless. Oh yeah, and there is a $100,000 bounty on Austin's head, to go to the wrestler that eliminates Austin in the match.

BTW, the "I hate signs" sign is pretty clever and amusing the hell out of me at this point.

Mankind will be fighting Kane tonight.

Mankind on the screen:
"Daddy, that sounds like fun, and the fans would probably like to see Mankind and Kane... it would be quality family entertianment- but you're the guy with the twenty inch guns, you're the new superstar, so why don't you face me? Unless you suffer from complete and utter lack of testicular fortitude, I'll see you in the ring."

Jeff Jarrett vs Steve Blackman (guitar on the pole match)
I don't think this, for a gimmick match, had any heat whatsoever. I attribute this to Jarrett's presence, and the fact that, even though she teased, everyone knew that ole' Lion Lady would keep her clothes on. Debra gets in the ring mid match, though, teases Blackman with her breasts, and Jarrett gets the guitar. Owen Hart comes out with a new guitar, hits Blackman (the ref is distracted) and Jarrett gets the pin.
Blah, all around.

The word "Bloodbath" is written, quite neatly, in red, on the wall near Tiger Ali Singh's stuff. He doesn't want to fight Gangrel. This looks VERY WCW. Ugh. bad.

Vince will be taking on Makind. "my way."

Tiger Ali Singh vs Gangrel
No Babu. No mention. I wonder what he did, that he was extradited to stand trial...
Anyway, Brood's music starts, and they're nowhere to be found. Tiger leaves the ring, and the Brood descend on him from corners of the ring. The arena is dark. The lights finally come on, and Tiger Ali Singh is lying on the stage, covered in "blood". Hey, that looks like the "vicious substance" Gangrel drinks... hmmmmmmmmm....

Kane is backstage. The announcers wonder what he's thinking. I wonder why they showed that.

Mankind vs Kane
the two fight, and it's an average fight. Vince calls Mick out. "You want it, you got it. If you've got the guts, I'll see you in the parking lot for an old fashioned street fight."

Mankind walks out of the ring, leaving Kane there, who does not follow. After the commercial, Kane is being loaded into an ambulance by orderlies, and they show what happened-- Orderlies came in to get Kane, and he threw them off, so Shamrock and Bossman (for the LOVE OF GOD!! WHY THEM!! THEY'RE NOT SO BADASS THEY CAN TAKE DOWN KANE!! STORYLINE! CONTINUITY! KANE HAS TAKEN CHAIR SHOTS AND NOT SOLD THEM!!! COME ON!!!) took him down and they got him into a straightjacket. LAME. Lame. the last two nights are "nights of doing crappy things angle-wise with all of pixie's favourite stars."

Out in the lot, Mankind is kicking Vince's ass. The Stooges come in and he takes them out as well. Socko! comes out, and Vince gets Mandible Clawed right into the trunk of a car. The Rock, however, comes out and ddts Mankind on the hood of the car, leaving a huge dent.

HHH (with Chyna) vs The Rock (with Shawn) (Heavyweight belt)
LOL... the sign at ringside: "Hunter, you show me yours and I'll show you mine" got the response of "You can show me later." Cute.
The fight starts. I've always liked these two in a match together. The Rock went into his new thing, which is sitting down at the announcer's table and talking during the fight. I think that's incredibly lame. There are a few near falls for HHH, but then he comes back. The Rock keeps walking out of the ring, because, well, he's lame. Shawn and HHH have a confrontation outside the ring, and Chyna gets in for a low blow on Rock. HHH gets the pedigree, but teh ref is distracted by Chyna. Shawn hits HHH with the belt, so Chyna grabs Shawn (kick ass... I love Chyna) Rock would have the pin, but ther ref is tending to Chyna/Shawn. HHH gets up, he should have it won, when some guy (looks like a freaking clone of Billy Gunn or Edge or someone, I dunno) comes in and slams HHH, giving the pin to the Rock. The guy is later revealed to be Motley Crue's bodyguard. Well, whooptie shit. A second time I actually hoped Rock would lose the belt, when he should have and didn't.

Ah well. Forgive the bitterness and markishness of this report. I'm sick! leave me the hell alone! ;)