I'll apologise right now for this being one of my more bitter and sarcastic reports. With pretty much everyone i like not on the show or in ridiculous situations, I kept wanting to go over to Nitro, which never happens in my house because of my roommate being a total geek. ;) Anyway, here's the show, as I saw it....

The show opens with Vince, Stephanie and a lot of security backstage. She's okay "as long as I'm with you daddy."

The corporation comes out, and I am delighted to see Rodney and Pete Gas! The Posse! I know I didn't like them when I first saw them, but man, those guys grew on me fast. Good move. Now they're in the corporation.

Shamrock speaks some more (what the hell did he do to get this mega push?) "Shane, your dad told me the corporation was family, so explain where you and the corporation were when my sister was abducted and I was thrown into the trunk of a car?"

Shane says he'll get his answer later, and that it was all the fault of the Undertaker, and since both their sisters are being attacked by the Undertaker, he can feel his pain. He then calls Stephanie out because he "needs her."

Vince says no, but Stephanie wants to go. "Shane wouldn't put me in jeopardy." So Vince and Stephanie walk out with the security. Stephanie is really cute, she had this huge smile on her face. I like that girl. Vince actually has rather attractive offspring, doesn't he?

Vince, to Shane: "This better be damn good- is this a publicity stunt? what are you up to?"
Shane: "What am I up to? You're out of whack, you've focused the whole world on Stephanie- daddy's little girl- and you don't give a crap about the corporation. Look at this- JR has returned to ringside- the guy can barely speak. I'd fire him but his cohort Michael Cole sucks just as bad. But tonight, someone is getting fired. It's been 30 years in the making: there's no room in the corporation for old, geriatric. Take loyalty and flush it... there is no room for Pat and Jerry- they're both fired." Shane sends the stooges back, and I guess that means Rodney and Gas are the "new" stooges?
Vince: "So this is a power trip, is that it?"
Shane: "Great point: so where is your power, dad? Where is the Vince McMahon we know? the most ruthless human being to ever walk, the one who would do anything Where are the balls the size of grapefruits?"
Vince:"I'm the same man, but my priorities are in order. And that's Stephanie's welfare, so I am going to take her and go home."
Shane:"I'm not done with you, who do you think you are?"
Vince:"If you want true power, you have to earn it with respect."
Shane:"Respect this" and he slaps Vince in the face. It looks like they might fight, but Stephanie starts crying and she pulls Vince away, so he leaves. As they're walking away, Shane says Vince isn't his father anymore, or even MrMcMahon. He's just "Vince." Shamrock is mad at Shane and he leaves to join Vince and the stooges.

So this is the shocking television Shane promised? Well, at least it wasn't the worst it could have been...

Vince tells Shamrock, backstage, that he appreciates the support and loyalty and that he respects him. He then leaves in a limo with Stephanie and the Stooges, and there is no more to be seen from him for the rest of the night.

Sable (with Nicole Bass and crappy catch phrase) vs Tori vs Ivory vs Jackie (with Terri) 4 corners match, Women's title
Ummm... Okay now... I like the amazon type as much as anyone else, but Nicole Bass scares the hell out of me. And angers me, since she's obvioulsy keeping that damned belt on Sable, thus, making me as mad as possible. She chokeslams Jackie, decimates Tori, and then chokeslams Ivory off the top rope. All while yelling in a manly voice "you got a problem? You got a problem?" Ahem, Ms. Bass? I have a problem. I have a problem with Sable having the belt! I'm waiting for Nicole Bass vs Kane. They're about the same size and have chokeslams. Yes. That's the only way to put her to good use.

Undertaker comes on the screen, talks about evil or something, and that Stephanie will be his. In place of her, though, there will be another sacrifice. Hoo boy. Hope this one counts.

Austin arrives, the people cheer.
There is a new Chef Boyardee commercial with Mankind. This one isn't as funny, but still, it's Mankind.

Austin comes out and does a pretty typical Austin speech which I didn't transcribe. However, He's BEEN CLONED! There is a guy in the crowd, who they showed for a few seconds, dressed like Austin with the shaved head and the beard... creepy. Takes all kinds, I suppose, but why can't I ever find Road Dogg's twin at shows? huh?

The Rock comes on the screen, and he's outside. "Hey, redneck, piece of trash? Does this look familiar? (he's on a bridge outside) No, no, I'm not gonna throw your belt in the water like you did to my Intercontinental title (oooh continuity. You want the belt? Come find the Rock, come get the belt. If you like hunting so much, come hunt the greatest, the biggest, the baddest species. Come get it up here on rudy poo... hey, don't do it... bridge. It's on the corner of People's Champ boulevard and Candy Ass Lane. You want the piece of trash? Come get it." I'm LOVING the Rock lately. I think he's varying his interviews some more, like he used to, and for that alone, he's won me over again.

Stone Cold just gets in a funny line saying, "Super species? More like Super Feces and I'm not so sure Feces floats."

Mankind is looking for the boiler room. He sees a guard: "Is that a hockey hat? Are you one of the redwings? I used to play... play tonsil hockey with Al Snow." I love the Al Snow comments.

Paul Wight vs Christian
Could everyone hear me screaming? Screaming "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THEY'RE JOBBING THEM LIKE KAIENTAI?" I think this was my pissiest moment of the night. First, I thought all three were fighting the big fat show, but as it turned out, Undertaker demanded Edge and Gangrel to leave the ring. I knew it was going to be as bad as it was. Just know Christian, someone with talent, was squased by the most annoying guy in the WWF. By the way, his music actually says, "the big fat show" so everyone is obliged to call him that.

Cole interviews Mankind:
"Let's just say personal pride is on the line. Now the big show is everyone's big buddy well, I have a big problem with the big show so we'll settle the problem and he'll leave the bolier room on a big stretcher."

Shane tells Pete Gas and Rodney to take out Mankind, "Mean Streets Style." One night, and they're already getting Stooges jobs, it seems. But angle-wise, why did Shane tell his posse to do that?

The Rock is standing on the bridge.
Rodney and Gas are looking for Mankind.

Billy Gunn vs Val Venis
Ooh, Val has new shiny shorts. Just sayin. The match isn't bad or great, it just is. Billy seems to be stepping up his performance, and doing moves he didn't used to do, such as taking the dive over the top rope to the floor. Of course, I knew this match would have some interference, and Jarrett and Hart come out. Val starts to fight them off with Billy, and Road Dogg comes out for his brief appearance of the night. In the ring, Dogg is pointing to Val and giving the X sign. Uh oh. I really, really don't want to see Val Venis in DX.
Debra is looking at Val Venis, and he's drooling. Owen and Jarrett pull her away (c'mon, no one will cheer us if we don't have those breasts by our side). NAo and Val are still in the ring.

Gas and Rodney get to the boiler room.
Mankind promptly beats the hell out of them. As he should. "I hate that damn haircut anyway," he says. Brilliant. There is crying in the boiler room, and I'm glad Lawler said, "that wasn't Rodney" because I kind of thought it was.

Jarrett and Hart vs Acolytes
You know, the Acolytes have never, ever won a match. And they've never gone more than 2-3 minutes before the DQ happened. So explain to me why I should care about them in the least? Of course, after a few minutes, the Ministry comes out and they grab Debra. Undertaker says she's the next sacrifice (don't worry, it doesn't DO or mean ANYTHING so why are people so worried about this?) and that it's not his fault- it's McM's fault. Shamrock comes out with a bat and starts attacking the Ministry. They all scatter. Undertaker says if he hits him, he'll never see Ryan again, and then says she's in the boiler room. "Viscera told me she's been enjoying everything this past week..." UGH!! DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!! DON'T EVEN MAKE ME THINK OF VISCERA! *SHUDDER* Undertaker tacks on a "be careful" as Shamrock runs to the boiler room.

Bossman vs Goldust
Oopsie, Godfather comes out with 5 hos, the most hos ever. Detroit must be a hell of a ho town. Godfather offers the hos to Bossman so he can fight Goldust because they have unfinished business. "They know what to do with that nightstick" says the Godfather. Bossman wants all 5 hos (Lawler: "he really IS a Bossman") and gets them. So now the match is Godfather vs Goldust (Intercontinental title) What a crappy match. I feel if I keep saying it, the "Ho Train" move, which sucks beyond suck, will go away. Get rid of that move! It looks beyond stupid. Anyway, Godfather wins. Why? Because people like looking at the hos? Now, if Godfather was a *manager*, I'd like him. He's funny, and I like the ho negotiations enough. But in the ring, he's dismal. and Goldust did a clean job here. I know why he lost! No Blue Meanie! What was up with that? They're breaking my heart tonight...

Shamrock goes to the boiler room. Mankind seems to be keeping Ryan safe or something. There's a crash in the room. The Ministry (who apparently teleported there) start attacking Ken and Mankind. Paul knocks Shammy out, and Undertaker, after calling Ryan a slut, tells her it's all her fault.

D'Lo vs Bob Holly (Hardcore Championship) Al snow comes to do commentary. And he says no one will take the title from Holly other than him. Well, will someone PLEASE do it soon, then? I was actually rooting for D'Lo because I figure D'Lo vs Al Snow would be a really damn good match. But no. Al interferes and Holly wins, so Al can take the title from him at Backlash. If he doesn't, I'll be one angry camper. The crown prince of Hardcore deserves that belt big time.

Ministry promises Shamrock a long night of pain (um, the show ends in about 1/2 hour guys, so get on with it) and that he'll serve the ministry.

Rock is still waiting for Austin. he finds a fishing pole and starts to fish because "the ROck is an avid fisherman and he'll use SCSA as bait- but he'll probably catch a mutated freak fish because you're such a candy ass."

Shamrock is about to get sacrificed. I guess they got bored with the idea of Debra. They tie him to the symbol and UT tosses Christian. He tells the Brood to put Christian on the symbol (I'd like to know HOW they were going to tie him and Shamrock on the symbol at the same time, but I guess that's beside the point... but still, I'd like to know.) Oh, and he also calls the symbol a CROSS at one point, leading to the "d'oh!" moment of the night, and leading the WWF to have to explain it away as "ummm... well, ummm... Mark believes his gimmick so much he can't tell a symbol from a cross now... yeah... um..." as they run away. ;)
The Brood FINALLY turn on the Ministry and I'm SO HAPPY because now, MAYBE, they'll be put to good use in good angles. I'm hoping.) While this happens, Shamrock gets off the symbol (oh, so we don't get a scarifice tonight? Boooooo I want my money back... hahahahaha) mankind comes out briefly to a "Foley" chant, and Undertaker descends into the stage (Gangrel: "hey man, he's stealing OUR ride." Tell me that wouldn't have been the best line if he had actually said that)

XPac and Kane vs HHH and Test (with Chyna)
Well, well. Chyna looked... amazing. of Goddess proportions. I love her hair like that. Anyway, Kane won't tag XPac, but finally XPac tags him. I think Kane has a new mask? I think HHH has darker, more brown hair? Chyna punches XPAc, and JR yells, "That Jezebel! Damn her! Damn her!" which is clearly the line of the night. HHH and Test get dominated by Kane, and HHH finally just throws Test in the ring and walks off. Kanbe tombstones Test, and gets the win. XPac takes off after HHH.

Rock gets paged 3:16 (more likely just 316, and it was probably a prank), and he hopes the candy ass is coming.

Shamrock comes out, and calls out the Undertaker. Darkness falls on the arena. Undertaker appears in the ring. (lawler: "How'd he get here?" I'd assume he came down the ramp when the lights were out, but hey, what do I know?)
the Ministry comes out and beats down Shamrock. the Brood are NOT there! Yay! Now it really *is* "The Real JOB Squad." Bossman and HHH come out and get Shamrock out of the ring, only to start beating on him some more. Shane stands at the top of the ramp and smiles. The arena falls dark.

"the Rock smells trash."
Austin arrives, they start fighting, Rock throws Austin off the bride (I LOVE the Rock) and then throws the belt in after him. The end.