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~~*~~ Today's Update *~~
johnny!

Monday Night Raw, 03 November 1998
Quite the night, though it won't surprise me if Nitro wins out in the ratings with McMahon's excuse for a main event tonight. Looks like the rumours are true and Rocky is getting an awful lot of Austin's push... go figure. This might be a dumb move on the part of McM, playing the fans as fickle before they've fickled, if that makes any sense.
Anyway...
Shane comes to the ring and says that Austin will get his shot for the title on the 16th, the day after Survivor Series. (This makes Austin Mark roommate boy happy, since that's his birthday). Austin comes to the ring, and the screen is showing Vince arriving in his limo, only to be met by his stooges.
McMahon comes out and declares that his retirement is "poppycock, bs, and wishful thinking. I knew that much: if the WWF says something will happen, it certainly won't happen that way. He'll step down the day he dies, he says, and adds, "when that day comes, none of you better come to my funeral, no family, no friends, no WWF superstars... when I die, I want to go straight to hell". The crowd cheers this statement. And then he goes on to relieve Shane of his corporate duties (Saw that coming a mile away) and tells him if he wished to remain gainfully employed by the fed, he'll be a referee. And if he's not good at that, he'll go back to being ring crew, adding on that Shane's not like him, but that he's a lot like his mother.

Austin will be fighting in the 16 man tournament, with a round one match against the Big Boss Man. mcMahon then turns to the audience: "I heard that chant, and I've been hearing it a lot. Just for the record, I'm not the one that's an asshole, it's all of you. Thank you very much". And with that, he wheels off.

When the commercials end, McM is telling JR and Lawler off, telling them to remember who signs their paychecks.

*New Age Outlaws/XPac vs The Brood
Mmmmmm. Just to get it out of the way, I like the little beads in Road Dogg's hair. Not quite as much as the long braids he was wearing late 1996 or so, but, I liked them anyway. Not much can be said for this very short match that *should* have had a lot of potential. All the men started to brawl in the ring when the lights went down (Lawler says, "power outage") but Kane comes in. Watching Billy hit at him was strange, and Kane gets in the ring, where he chokeslams Edge, XPac and Christian. Gangrel and Roaddogg are fighting in the crowd, and Billy is still down outside the ring.
JR: "My God! Kane is on the loose! Look at the carnage! Bodies everywhere!" I love when JR marks out for Kane.

McMahon is backstage, menacing Michael Cole with Boss Man.

Droz vs Hawk
Drunk Hawk makes his triumphant (?) return. He didn't do anything as funny as he did in the beginning of this angle. Droz attacks him (and the bell is never rung). Animal comes out and watches, a LOD chant starts (but for who?) and then Animal stops Droz and sends him backstage. Animal yells at Hawk, "14 years, down the tubes" and stomps off as well. Ah well.

McMahon is now yelling at Cornette. He gets quote of the night, "If you keep up that 80's wrasslin' crap, you're out of here". And yes, he actually said "wrasslin".

Mankind/Al Snow interview:
They're asked why they're teaming again (because it's a brilliant idea?) if the hate each other, and Al quickly says, "We get along just fine, just that this bowl of froot loops over here needs to know he's talking to an undergarment on his hand, and that it's not real" and Mankind replies with, "Some of wrestling's greatest secrets were revealed to me last night..." and went on to talk in the Socko voice, something that I couldn't make out. But still, the secrets comment was great.

*Kurrgan/Golga vs Mankind and Al Snow
Allow me to mention that Luna looked simply beautiful tonight. Now, we have a match with two great wrestlers and two oversized, lumbering oddities. Mankind lands a nice DDT on Kurrgan, and goes for Socko, who's missing. He pulls of his shoes, and still no Socko, so he leaves the ring to look for him. Kurrgan manages to sidewalk slam and chokeslam Al Snow for the win, which sucks, since the ref let him and Golga double team Al.

McMan tries to kick out some guy for not having a backstage pass, even though he's sitting with D'Lo Brown, and he's a huge guy.

Mankind is backstage, tearing everything up, looking for Socko. "I gotta find Mr McMahon, he might know" and then runs off, yelling, "Vinny!"

Steven Regal vs Goldust
Steven comes out to his still incredibly hilarious music. My roommate and I were running around the train station this morning, singing, "he's a maaaaaaaaaan" because well, frankly, it's funny. He calls out anyone willing to fight him like a man, and then makes a great face when Goldust comes out. They're fighting along, and it's amuch better match than Regal had with Bradshaw last night, when Terri comes down, in a gold dress, with her cigar, as if to say Marlena is back. Goldust doesn't seem to notice. Lawler asks if JR thinks Regal has ever eaten a quiche, as Goldust sets him up for Shattered Dreams. that's when the lights go down and Kane makes an appearance, chokeslamming Regal and Goldust. He grabs Terri, lifts her up, then puts her down after about 6 refs come in the ring.
JR: "this is more carnage than I've ever experienced here"

McMahon and Mankind are talking backstage. McM has a present for Mankind, but he wants something. "You got it". "But you don't know what I want" "That's okay" Vince asks him not to interfere in the match with The Rock and Shamrock, and he says, "Okay, I won't be a thorn in your side", so Vince gives him the WWF Hardcore Champ belt. I thought that was great, and I wish they had made a bit of a bigger deal out of it. In light of the rumours that McM asked Foley (in "real life") not to take insane bumps like he did at KOTR, this was really cool. Vince: "In some ways, I lost a son tonight, but maybe in some way, I gained one" Foley: "gee, thanks Dad." McMahon's face was priceless.

*Ken Shamrock vs The Rock (Intercontinental belt)
McMahon comes out and adds a stipulation to the match: If the Rock doesn't win the belt, he won't be at Survivour Series, and won't be the #1 Contender anymore. Why? Because he has a problem with the people, so he also has a problem with the people's champion. loud Shamrock sucks chant. Shamrock gets the ankle lock submission, McMahon smiles, Rock grabs the ropes. The Rock knocks the ref out at some point, so Shamrock gets a chair, which he bounces off the ropes and hits himself with. JR: "It's martial law! and Shamrock's a vigilante!" Rock lands a people's elbow and makes the pin, but there is no ref to count. Shamrock hits the Rock with a chair, the ref sees this and Rocky wins by DQ. Shamrock keeps the title, so Rock isn't #1 contender anymore.
JR: "God Almighty, that's not fair! McMahon just screwed the Rock!"

Rock backstage, kicking things, looking for McMahon.

Val Venis vs Jeff Jarret (with Debra)
The match plods along, much like last night. I still can't stand Jarrett ;) The Blue Blazer comes out and pulls Val Venis down on the top rope, and Jarrett gets the win.

Cops arrive at the arena. McMahon says that the Rock has threatened his life, and that he is destroying property, so he wants him arrested. Too many shades of the Austin feud for me to care, though.

Headbangers vs D'Lo Brown/Mark Henry
Bah! bah! The headbangers do a mock of NAO that's just annoying at this point. (Gah, I'm such a mark!) I liked them as faces, though, and now their whole thing with the fake belts and whatnot is... whiny. That's how they come off. get on with it and get a real feud. Anyway, kane breaks up this match (which was pretty good, since Headbangers and D'Lo are all more than capable in the ring). D'Lo thows Mosh to Kane, but he grabs them both for a double chokeslam.

the rock gets arrested. I liked the "the rock has donuts for all of you" line he kept using.

Owen Hart comes to the ring. He's there at the request of Sevrin, apologises again for the accident, and says he left his home in Calgary to be here for Sevrin. Sevrin: "I'm not here for an apology... who are you kidding running around in the ridiculous blue blazer suit? I want to look in the eyes of the man who stole my livlihood... you're scum" Owen hit Sevrin a few times, JR pipes in: "Good God, that's hideous!" Blackman comes in and stops Owen, who yells, "Leave me alone! I'm retired" (the crowd cheers when he says this)

Sevrin is taken away in an ambulance, and Blackman attacks Owen. The Blue Blazer then shows and attacks Blackman. So... who's the Blue Blazer??

McMahon comes out as the cage is lowered. "If I had my way, I'd take each and every one of you and put you in that cage"

he asks the Stooges and Boss Man to check the security of the cage as he sits right by the outside of it. "all I asked for was a sup of coffee" and then directs the Boss Man to beat up all the stooges. Brisco begs Vince to stop it, but he wants them to "vow allegance to Vince McMahon". He tells Boss Man to rip their clothes off, but Austin comes out and gets in the cage. He attacks the stooges, and takes some hits from Boss Man's nightstick. Shane comes in, unlocks cage and gets in. Boss Man looks at Vince, who "spares him", only to have Shane give him the finger.

Undertaker and Paul Bearer come down, Undertaker gets in the cage with Austin and they fight a little, until Kane comes down, and sets the cage on fire... and the three are in there, starting to fight, when it ends.

Brilliant. let me watch Brisco and Paterson get beat up for 10 minutes, then put Kane, Undertaker and Austin in a flaming cage, and end the show. Bah, that was *not* a main event, by any stretch.