The show starts with a nice "In Memory of Rick Rude" piece. Touching and simple.
The Rock/Austin feud video.
D'Lo and Ivory come out- Apparently, they were supposed to have a mixed tag match with Val Venis and Sable. That's not happening, though, because Sable had an engagement in Hollywood. (Hmmm, casting couch?) But D'lo proposes a handicap match, which Val accepts, adding he will give Ivory his "slide trombone."
D'Lo and Ivory vs Val Venis
Not a bad match, and Ivory, when patting D'Lo gets told by the ref that was
a legal tag. D'lo gets tossed out of the ring and Ivory has to fight.
before she and Val can lock up (you see, the global conspiracy to keep me
from enjoying intergender fighting is in full effect) Nicole Bass comes out
and chokeslams Ivory. She gets the pin, and the winners are Val Venis and
Nicole Bass.
the thing about this win is simple: Nicole wants paybacks. She booms into the microphone, "YOU OWE ME." And then specifies what she wants in return, that being Val's slide trombone. Of course, Val runs away. Normally, I'd complain about how the women are just sexy objects, and because Bass isn't a typical woman, she gets the shaft, but the fact is, she terrifies me, and the angle is pretty amusing. I'm into it.
The Undertaker and his Ministry arrive at the arena.
They show the HHH/XPac/DX video- including the formation of the new DX, DX in NY, the invasion of WCW, and the Nation skit. Funny stuff.
JR interviews XPac about HHH, and Lawler interviews HHH/Chyna about XPac. Both pretty much say they'll kick ass, with HHH saying he made XPac and got him over, and XPac calling HHH a sell out.
The Ministry is making plans. Hoo Boy.
The video of Vince trying to kill Midian at the TV studio is shown.
Nicole Bass is looking for Val. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way; either way, I come out on top." *shudder*
Droz/Prince Albert vs Too Much
Am I the only person that can't take Prince Albert seriously? I mean,
hearing someone called that name over and over never stops being funny, if
only because it's absurd. Why would someone who knows about piercings want
to be called (basically) "dick ring?" Or are they saving that name for a
feud with the Prince? And eeegad! What is growing on his back? Maybe we
can get him some funky braids as well. Anyway... Droz still has beautiful
hair, so I'll relax and talk about the match.
It's not such a bad match, with Too Much getting near-squashed. After PA
gets the pin (ahhh PA is more acceptable) Droz grabs Brian Christopher and
holds him so PA can pierce his nipple. Luckily for Bri-Bri, the Ministry
feels like coming out and beating on Too Much, so he just gets a fat man's
ass on his stomach as opposed to a needle through his nip. Ahh, the intrigue.
Undertaker plans to torture Ken Shamrock, and he'd also like us to know there will be a tragedy at the arena that night. He hopes their saviour will have mercy on their souls. And the thing is, I really believe he does. He's a genuine guy. (heehee I amuse myself so when I write this stuff.)
Nicole Bass is still looking for Val. "The more you hide, the hotter I get." She bursts into the men's bathroom, and gets mad because they guy in there isn't Val. We see Val sneak out the back door of the arena, moving pretty fast.
Bossman (with Test) vs Kane
Kane is only worthy of a Heat match? *Shrug* Not terrible, though it was
mostly a vehicle for the Test/Bossman angle. Test jumps up on the apron,
and gets knocked off by Bossman, who then gets chokeslammed and loses the
match. This makes Testy and Bossy very angry with each other and they yell
at each other in the ring. Apparently, they do this through the
commercials, those wacky kids!
Viscera comes out because he didn't forget HIS match with Test, though Test
supposedly did.
Viscera vs Test
There isn't musch to be said about any match which has
Viscera in it. Bossman hits Test with his nightstick which leads to a
piledriver loss for the big T.
The Rescue of the Week: Austin throwing Rock's Intercontinental Belt off a bridge. In 1997. And no one/thing was rescued at all.
Bossman and Test are yelling and Shane is bringing order to the corp.
Rock/Austin video cc: the Smoking Skull Belt.
Shane comes out and talks some about his power and somesuch.
Vince and Stephanie arrive at the arena in their limo.
BACKLASH
Acolytes and Midian vs The Brood
oooh! A nice, long (by WWF standards) match with the Brood. And it didn't
suck. While Midian isn't the most solid worker, all five other men in the
ring are, and the Brood was able to carry Midian quite well. The Acolytes
put on a solid match-- a lot less DQ-able brawling and more actual
wrestling, though Faarooq didn't spend much time in the ring. I can't
complain about this match at all, aside from the fact that Christian was
the one that got pinned (after Viscera-- I didn't pay $30 to look at
Viscera, I might add-- interfered and slammed him into the ring with his
girth.) It's just further proof of the WWF's utter contempt for the
lightweights, despite them being incredibly talented guys. Still, I could
handle a more drawn out feud between these guys.
The Rock arrives.
Bob Holly vs Al Snow (hardcore belt)
Early on, Al Snow's head starts bleeding, and it sets the tone for a match
where Al takes most of the bumps and bleeds all over the place. I'm still
not sure where/how it happened, but by the end of the match, his hair was
starting to look like it was dyed red. A lot of the match took place
backstage/outside, with foreign objects including cars, tables, a sound
truck, the roof of a limo (the best spot in the match-- Holly tossed on car
from Com Truck, Al on Holly, still no pin.) After going through a table
(and an inexplicable near 10 count in a No DQ match) Al gets Head and
takes out Holly for the pin. And Yay! Finally! We have a HC champion that
makes me quite happy. All I can say is, "IT'S ABOUT TIME!" Go Al!
Godfather (with 4 hos) vs Goldust (with Blue Meanie, who is better than 100
hos)
Blue Meanie does the "For the men that want to be me and the ladies that
come to see me" bit and I'm at home laughing and cheering because I *am*
one of those ladies. =) Godfather doesn't offer his hos out because they
don't like scrubs. This bothers Goldust who tries to open a can of whup ass
(snicker) Unfortunately for Goldust and Godfather, neither of them work
that well together, and they need to involve Blue Meanie and powder. Once
the powder is in Goldust's eyes, he sets up Meanie for Shattered Dreams and
lands it. Then, Meanie is used as the foreign object of the night, and both
Meanie and Goldust get the "Ho Train" (the official dumbest move in pro
wrestling). Goldust finally loses and the match is thankfully, not that
long. Still, I love seeing Meanie, so it gets my girlish mark points for
that.
Al Snow is interviewed by Michael Cole. However, the interview is mostly Al fighting with Head.
New Age Outlaws vs Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett (with Debra)
Of course, Road Dogg asks to see the "puppies." Debra goes to show the
puppies (shouldn't she be... oh, I don't know... bothered that the other
teams are always asking to see these puppies?) but Jarrett stops her, thus
making him enemy number one with every rabid, horny fan in the arena and
world. Dogg: "That kind of control is for the Jerry Springer show. She's
an adult, let her do what she wants." Jarrett and Hart still protect the
dying to show her puppies Debra. Dogg:" Y'all may be spoilsports but we
aren't, so Billy, show them that ass." Bill almost moons our pals Canadian
Country, but the match starts before those cheeks are out of the shorts.
Really, this is a good match-- much better than the usual NAO match. I was really into it on a *wrestling* level, as opposed to my usual "drool, drool, Road Dogg is in the ring, drool, drool" level of into it. Owen put Road Dogg into a sharpshooter, which was broken by Billy landing a fameasser on Owen. It looked really neat. NAo got the win, and will face XPac/Kane at "SmackDown" which is Thursday, on the UPN network. Nifty. Billy then shares his ass with the crowd, and Road Dogg dances a little. New Tag Team champions? I hope so!
Shane is interviewed, and talks more about how the Rock/Austin match will be no holds barred and how the Rock will win. He doesn't guarantee anything, but he gives his word in the name of his grandfather, that he'll count 1-2-3 if the Rock is pinned by Austin. He says Vince is not his dad, he's just Vince, and tells Vince/Stephanie to go to the skybox and stay out of his way.
Vince/Stephanie are interviewed, and the most notable thing is Vince, saying it was "surreal." Well, maybe, for continuity's sake, he should, I dunno, control his part of the company?
Paul Wight vs Mankind (Boiler Room match)
Well, they did one thing very right: they LIT the bolier room. Usually,
it's too dark to see what's going on, and this time, I could follow the
whole match. Granted, you lose something of the ambiance of the past one,
but this was a pretty brutal match that wouldn't have had me reacting as
strongly if it hasn't been well light. Early on, a couple of glass shots-
one to Paul Wight's head, which bled, and Foley through a plate of glass.
Foley was bleeding a LOT from his hand, as was evident in the bloody
handprints he was leaving everywhere. A few really stiff shots here and
there, a lotof weapons, and you have a match which was much more
satisfying, much more cringe-inducing, and much more than I had expected
from Paul Wight. Mankind wins, getting out of the boiler room first, but
he's immediately ambushed by Test and the Bossman who throw him back in.
They go after Paul Wight- Wight chases Bossman, and leaves, and Test gets a
Mandible claw, courtesy of a bloody Mick Foley and Socko.
HHH and Chyna interview saying what they said on heat. Pecking order, they made DX,etc, etc.
XPac vs HHH
Another long (by WWF standards) match, with possibly a few too mahy rest
holds, but otherwise, a good match all around. Xpac gets worked over for
most of the match, and also gets punhec by Chyna. HHH dominates, as I sort
of expected. After Chyna low blows and DDTs Xpac, Kane comes down to help
out his tag team partner. He chokslams both HHH and Chyna (MAJOR mark
moment-- finally, something like gender equality- that's the first time
he's actually chokeslammed a woman) and places them in Bronco Buster
position (how cute, he set up his little buddy's signature move!) XPac gets
up and Bronco Busters HHH. Fors ome reason, HHH is able to get up while
Chyna is getting her face full of XPac crotch, and land the pedigree for
the win. I bet Kane isn't too happy with his little buddy-- I mean, look at
all he did for him! And that's the thanks he gets?
Shamrock vs Undertaker
Well, damn. I was impressed. Both put on a good match, and I like watching
creative applications of submissions, even if the marks in the arena
weren't terribly interested in this match. Another fairly long match, with
good, solid action from both guys. I guess Undertaker felt like working
tonight? Rope walk, flippy thing I mark for, and basically, a good match.
Bradshaw comes out with a baseball bat, but gets chased off by the angry
Shammy, who was trying really hard to get that ankle lock on. For the
nifty finisher, Shamrock tries to piledrive Undertaker, only to have a
reversal and a tombstone placed on him. While he's down, Bradshaw takes the
bat to him.In Bradshaw's defense, he was only trying to flatten those
super-hard nipples which Kenny has. Apparently, the bother him as well.
Poor Kenny. Good match.
Rock vs Austin (Shane McMahon, special guest ref)
Brawl! Brawl! The "no holds barred" stipulation pretty much meant they'd be
fighting anywhere but the ring. But that's okay, because Austin is at his
best when he's fighting up and down the ramp and on fences which are part
of the setup. Honestly, this wasn't a bad match at all, with the
pbligatory screwy ending. After the Spanish announce table went down,
after the Rock took over a camera for "rocky vision," and after a whole
lotof brawling, the belt was brought in, and Rocky was hit by Shane when
Austin ducked. Austin gets the two count, then two fingers from Shane, who
leaves the ring. As he's backpeddling to the back, Vince pushes past him,
sends Hebner to the ring, and takes Shane out with the belt. Shane's out,
Vince is a face, and Austin gets the win. Vince tosses the Skull belt into
the ring. Austin has excessive amounts of beer, which comes out his nose,
scaring me a lot.
Now, for the good stuff. As Stephanie waits in the limo for her dad, the Ministry comes out. they're looking for her, you see. The guards tell the driver to leave. Stephanie requests the driver waits forher dad. The window comes down and Underatker turns and smiles: "Where to, Stephanie??" The thing is, his voice sounded just like Freddy Krueger, and his laugh with her scream made this *the* hands down, funniest moment of the night. Good lord! I watched it about 7 times on the tape, and it didn't stop being funny. It probably never will. Laugh loud and proud, this angle blows.
However, the PPV was a solid night witha lot of above average matches. It was worth the $30 and a lot better than I had expected going into it.
