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Part Eight: My Explanation

I wore my own attire to the Cassandra Friday night: my long black dress, pale sharp makeup, long dark hair, and eye shadow. I entered in the middle of the group’s performance. Robert Michael recognized my entrance right away as well did George Michael. I held back any action I could have done toward the boy for I was not in the mood to learn what hyperbole George Michael thought of one he never met. Instead I took my seat at the corner table and awaited the end. I knew Robert Michael at least desired some closure of what he was unfortunate to witness.

The music ended and the customers filed out. I remained stationary, arms before me on the table and my face straight. I made no effort to make eye contact with anyone who chanced to pass. No one was worthy. Robert Michael sat down his “ax” and began to come and join me only to be halted by George Michael. David Thomas and innocent Peter seemed to step away. I did not blame them. Finally, Robert Michael broke free from George Michael’s reluctance and approached me. I stood to greet him.

“Hey Mir,” he said his glance down but eyes up.

“Robert Michael,” I began, “I presumed you needed some explanation for…”

“Mir please, I don’t think I’d understand.”

“You despise me,” I said bluntly. “Everyone does. My family, my sisters, especially Diana, they all do.”

“Mir, I don’t like to judge…”

“We are not all heartless, Robert Michael. I adored my sister and as much as she disrespected and disobeyed me, I loved her. And we have sympathy for those like you.”

“You too?” Through the bitterness in his tone, I could tell he had extensive knowledge of my history. “Diana told me a lot about you, Mir. You don’t have to be one of you to tell when someone loves and when someone hates.”

“I love my sister,” I retorted. “Oh you think because I’m evil and cruel to humans I have no sympathy? No feelings? Sir, I want you to research my track record. Everyone I’ve stolen from this earth deserved it one way or another.”

“You-You scared her is what you did,” the boy blurted with courage. “She was scared of you and she thought you were gonna kill her or something. It took a lot of guts for her to talk to you. I mean, after she came and fixed Micky…”

“She came to you all and took away the curse?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Robert Michael replied. “See, she came in like an hour or two after he got it. Oh we thought it was Liza at first but she convinced us she wasn’t and she told us everything about you, about-about my voice, about Micky…She told us everything. I went for walks with her so she could talk. Every day for four days we’d walk from eight to nine and she’d tell about you and your mom and her twin sister. She’d go on and on about how she didn’t like making you mad and all. After she saw you all sad after she yelled at you she said she was gonna tell you sorry and all and then that thing started to choke her. Then you came out and tried to save her. What happened? It obviously wasn’t you, was it?”

“My sister is dead because I left Cylia with you,” I explained in a coarse tone. “Cylia feared you. She was the one who ripped your voice away and I had to go and return it. She could not stand your eyes and character and she used a dangerous weapon prematurely. It was intended to be around *your* neck and it was hooked around hers. Even with Liza there to assist it could not be removed.” I took a breath and lowered my gaze. I closed my eyes and continued in a more composed tone of voice, “I do not put blame on her. I do not put blame on you. I do not put blame on Liza. I do not put blame on fate. I put blame on myself. I will feel, live, breathe, eat, drink, and relive the guilt for eternity and you know how I know? Because I am never going to die. I can see everyone’s death and in return I will not die. I have to live vicariously off the deaths of the damned. That is why I must kill guilty humans: to watch them die because I cannot. And I will forever love Diana.” I took a breath and collected myself once more. I continued, “I hope you are enlightened and you understand. I wish you and your band much luck and better time to come. I shall take my leave.” I turned to exit when the boy called me back.

“Mir!” I turned watching him with a neutral expression, one of neither anger nor sorrow. “Listen,” he began, “I know you don’t say sorry to anyone, but I hope you will accept mine. I mean, it’s all I got to give you. Diana was a nice girl and I’m sorry. Y’know, for what it’s worth, I don’t blame you neither.”

“Thank you, Robert Michael,” I replied graciously as a polite gesture. “You have a good soul. Treasure it.”

“May I give you something else?” he asked. Considering the circumstances, I nodded. He stepped forward and kindly wrapped his arms about me embracing me with warmth I had never found in a human before. I kept my arms to my side for I knew had I lifted them it would have meant nothing. He finally ended the embrace and stepped back. He then spoke, “I hope my message got through to you.”

“Robert Michael, just your eyes can speak a thousand words,” I replied.

“Do you wanna say hello to the guys before you go?” he inquired. “Just to introduce yourself?”

“They would not care to meet me,” I replied. “Well, Robert Michael the curmudgeon must be off once again. Perhaps one day we shall cross paths again.”

“How is your family taking it?” he asked quizzically.

“I’m getting my share of foul glances,” I replied with a heavy heart, masking my face with a smile. “It will pass. I must go to comfort my mother. I have to defend Cylia. Poor Liza, though. Diana was her other half. Her twin. She feels empty. She needs to be consoled. Mustn’t keep her waiting.”

“G’bye Mir. Be good.”

Be good, I thought shaking my head. I turned once again about to exit when I halted in my place. “It may interest you to know,” I said aloud, my back now facing the boy, “Diana would be turning ninety-seven next month. And I shall be 128 in November.” I then proceeded to fade out the door. I need not have to see the boy’s expression.


I will have no children of my own--a punishment of my mother’s decree. I cannot die--a proclamation of the fates. I am cursed for life. Cylia had no blame further. Liza has become wiser and cautious in the lives she takes. I must still live vicariously through the deaths of the damned. Liza, as my successor, will slowly take my place, as I will no longer have the will to carry on. I must live in shame and guilt for my sister’s death. Through my sins, I hope my message was clear enough for you and that you take these words to heart. Do not think only for yourself. Do not think of yourself as the most divine and that those below you are only the surfs of your own self-kingdom. For all you know, one of those surfs could be your own flesh and blood. Even humans are of your equal, a lesson I learned with the loss of my sister.

If those who read care to learn the fate of Robert Michael and his band, they did indeed have better times. They too had their hardships but they always seemed to place care before hatred. I have visited Robert Michael again in passing but that is another story. For now, I must go and attend to my life with my sins, sins in which I hope I have saved you from.


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