(The Scene opens outside of a medium sized mansion. The sun is just starting to set as the crew makes their way to the front door of the house. When they finally get to door, they find that it is cracked open just a little bit. They push the door open and walk inside. They shut the door behind them. They hear some noise off in the background and they make their way to where the noise is comming from. They walk into what seems like the living room where they find Scott Wolfe and Johnny Lunchbox sitting there. Lunchbox on the couch and Wolfe on the chair across from the couch. The crew listen in as Wolfe and Lunchbox just ignore them.)
Wolfe-I don't know man...Graystones my buddy. I know he didn't mean what he did.
Lunchbox-I thought he knew that my favorite food besides grilles penis were banana's!
(Wolfe is stunned for a moment, but quickly remembers he is talking to a sick freak.)
Wolfe-Well man, he's not right in the head right now. You just have to remember that when your around him..
Lunchbox-It will be hard...You know...Keeping myself from getting erections and such when I see him. But I think I will be able to handle it.
Wolfe-Good lord. Please do.
(Wolfe gets up and makes his way to another room. He stays in there for moment, then comes back in the living room holding a cellular phone.)
Wolfe-I think I'm going to give Graystone a call. He was freaking out last time I talked to him.
Lunchbox-Are you sure it just wasnt becuase he had explosive diarreah? Becuase that happens to me all the time!
Wolfe-I don't even know why I hang around with you sometimes Lunchbox...
(Wolfe walks into the next room and quickly returns, with a cell phone in hand. He starts pacing around the room as he dials the number. He puts the phone to his ear as it rings. The speaker phone is on so the camera can hear everything that is being said. Graystone answers, his voice shaky.)
Graystone-Hel---Hello?
Wolfe-Graystone? Are you okay?
Graystone-I don't know Scott...I don't know whats wrong with me.
Wolfe-Did you take your medication?
Graystone-No man. I've been out for a few days now.
Wolfe-Graystone, Im telling you this as your friend---
(Graystone cuts him off)
Graystone-Best friend?
(Wolfe glances at Lunchbox who can hear this conversation.)
Wolfe-Graystone...As your friend..
(Graystone cuts him off again)
Graystone-Oh don't tell me I'm shafted for HIM!
Wolfe-Come on man...Don't do this.
Graystone-No man...Screw you! We're a team! And your turning your back on me!
Wolfe-No man you misunder---
(Graystone hangs up on Wolfe)
Wolfe-...Stand..
Lunchbox-What happened?
Wolfe-I don't know...He's just real messed up right now. He'll come around eventually.
Lunchox-He better. My erection is going away already!
Wolfe-Damn you Lunchbox!
(Wolfe and Lunchbox walk into the hall near the front door.)
Wolfe-I'm actually kind of hungry man. You want to hit Macdonald's or something?
Lunchbox-Do you even have to ask?
Wolfe-Alright, well at least promise me you wont try to feel up Ronald Macdonald this time.
Lunchbox-Okay Okay...What about the Ham Burgurlar?
(Wolfe sighs)
Wolfe-Just go get your coat Lunchbox...
(Lunchbox goes into the next room and comes back with a tight fur coat usually worn by women.)
Wolfe-What the hell is that?
Lunchbox-Don't you like it? I got it at my neighbors garage sale!
Wolfe-No Lunchbox...No I don't. And I didnt know they had garage sales down at the docks.
Lunchbox-It was my idea!
Wolfe-Yeah I had a hunch.
Lunchbox-But don't worry though...I didn't sell any of my ass plugs or anything!
Wolfe-Damn you Lunchbox! Can we just go now?!
Lunchbox-After you...He..he...
(Wolfe is apprehensive but steps forward to make his way to the car. Lunchbox checks out his ass and gives the camera a thumbs up before following Wolfe. They make their way to Wolfes 1970 Chevelle and hop in. Wolfe starts the car and the two drive to the nearest Macdonalds...)
(The camera once again starts rolling as the car pulls into the Macdonalds parking lot. They pull into a parking space and shut the engine off. They step out of the car and start walking into the restaurant.)
Lunchbox-I can't wait for this! I love Macdonalds!
Wolfe-I thought you just liked masterbating in their restrooms!
Lunchbox-Well yeah. Thats what I ment of course.
Wolfe-Of course.
(They reach the doors and open them. They walk in. They walk to the registers and make their way to the line. They line up behind an old man. Wolfe looks up at the menu, but Lunchbox has other things on his mind...
Wolfe-So what are you going to get?
Lunchbox-All I know is I wanna make my own sandwhich...With my meat and his buns!
(Wolfe looks at Lunchbox with a weird look)
Wolfe-You should be shot Lunchbox...Seriously...
Lunchbox-Hey its not my fault ive made so much out of my life...I mean let's face it. I'm the man.
Wolfe-Yeah...You're a thirty-two year old man who loves child porn and has the biggest gay streak I have ever seen...And for gods sake when your not at my house you live in a shack next to the docks! I mean, I know WWO pays you alot...What the hell do you do with it?
Lunchbox-Well...Sometimes I spend it on food and things...But most times I just spend it on porn and popcorn..
Wolfe-You have a good life don't you Lunchbox?
Lunchbox-The best Scottie my boy!
(They finally reach the front of the line and Wolfe places his order)
Wolfe-Yes...I would like a Big Mac, a Quarter Pounder with cheese and a super sized fry please.
(Lunchbox places His order...)
Lunchbox-Yes, I would like a Kid's meal and an orange drink. But instead of regular meat in the kids meal could I get a grilled cow testicle? Or perhaps a broiled penis head?
(The stunned employee looks over at Wolfe in disbeleif.)
Wolfe-Hey answer the question. Its legitimate!
(The stunned employee looks back over at Lunchbox)
Employee-Umm..No sir..We don't have those things...
Lunchbox-Man, and I was in the mood too!
(The food is made and set on the tray. Wolfe and Lunchbox take the tray and find a seat. Once the seat is found they take a seat and start chatting)
Wolfe-So Johnny my boy, its comming up alright..
Lunchbox-What, my porn bill is arriving? I thought that wasnt until later this month...
Wolfe-No Lunchbox..Xtreme War Games.
Lunchbox-Oh thats right...Ladder match. Well, you have nothing to worry about Scottie...Ive heard some things about our friend Jeremiah Kendrick..
Wolfe-Oh this should be good. What did you hear?
Lunchbox-Well I was taking a dump on this guys chest and---
(Wolfe interupts Lunchbox)
Wolfe-Uhh what?
Lunchbox-You know...Like I do every saturday night!
Wolfe-Oh okay...Contiune my friend..
Lunchbox-Well there I was taking a dump on this guys chest have a good old time when he mentions that his friend Chauncy knows Jeremiah Kendrick...
Wolfe-What does this have to do with me?
Lunchbox-Well...I don't know..I was really just looking for an excuse to tell you about my pooping exploits.
Wolfe-Damn you Lunchbox.
Lunchbox-It's not like you have anything to worry about anyway...You have already beaten him.
Wolfe-Yeah your right...Not only did I beat him but I kicked his ass. The only thing Im worried about his is manager Bobby Farrell being at ringside.
Lunchbox-What?? You have nothing to fear! I'll be in your corner to even things out!
Wolfe-Oh...great.
(All of a sudden Wolfe's cell phone rings. He picks it up and answers it.)
Wolfe-Hello?
(The speaker phone isnt on this time and Wolfe keeps talking.)
Lunchbox-Who was that?
Wolfe-It was Graystone...He's comming over soon.
Lunchbox-Alright...But don't let him kick my ass! I've got plans to masterbate tonight and I dont want them spoiled!
Wolfe-No problem Johnny...No Problem...
(The two get up and throw away their trash. They turn and walk out of the door when the scen fades to black)
This layout is property of "The Sexual Idol" Scott Wolfe and is not to be reproduced by anyone for that matter. Copyright 2003 Ben Camden