Read & laugh...or just make your escape, it's all good! xXx

The funniest jokes in the world, according to...erm...someone? xx

• Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "Okay, now what?"
• Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
• Oh, and there's the one about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra...
  

Did You Know

Eight Things I Hate About Everyone...
OK, so it's a forward, but it's a very amusing one!


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say, "It's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No loser, I paid 6 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. Duh!!!

8. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I still be standing here, dumbass?




Crash Course in Chinese!

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high - No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
Does this bathroom stink! - Hu Flung Dung?

Take a look at some of these sites.. if u can drag urself away from this one!

An amazingly efficient waste of time. Quizzes and stuff...
Polliwog's site, totally retro maan!
If ur hungry, go visit Maha and Aims' site. Sweeties will ACTUALLY rain from the ceiling! WOW!!!
Sheep rule. For the wool in all of us.