By Wurmis

I hate playing video games. That said, this was one of my favorites as a young lad, and it holds the distinction as being the only Nintendo game I ever played to completion - which, I suppose, is not much of a distinction. Did I mention I don't like playing video games?

In the stylings of Shadowgate, Déjà vu is of the role-playing genre. You are Ace Harding, a former prizefighter turned private dick, although you don't know this at the outset. You see, the game begins with our character waking from a drug-induced slumber on the floor of a Men's Room stall and you don't know who you are or how you got there - I wish I could say this situation isn't familiar to me. It turns out you are in a friendly neighborhood speakeasy, complete with a casino secreted in the cellar and a fresh corpse chillin' in the upstairs office. Little do we know that Ace Harding (read: you) is being set up to take the fall for the murder of said former person.

So the goal of the game is to get out of the bar, find out who's attempting to frame you for the murder of the dead guy upstairs, and gather up all the evidence you can find to vindicate yourself so you can present the evidence to the police. Sounds easy enough, right? Ha ha, you fool! There are many obstacles you must overcome before clearing your good name, among these are thugs, hookers, derelicts, pissed off cabbies, alligators, and snobby butlers. This game has it all, my friends… well, not really... and you're not my friends.

• GRAPHICS: 3 - They're good for what they are. There is no actual movement in this game; all the graphics you see are more or less still images.

• SOUND: 1.5 - Somewhat cliché; at times the music is reminiscent of what you'd hear on an Unsolved Mysteries episode.

• CONTROL: 2 - You can choose from actions like: EXAM, OPEN, GET, and the ever-popular USE. Needless to say you're pretty much at the mercy of how motivated the game programmers were.

• BCP: 4 - There are points where the game comes to a complete halt, due in large part to a lack of ideas on what actions to take to further the game along. In these times, it is difficult to remain composed and not hurl the controller at the screen - especially when the game incessantly informs you that "You can't do that here!"

• INSOMNIA FACTOR: 4 - Yeah, I suppose some people might be able to put down the controller and call it a night, but you're still going to be pondering how the hell you get to the end.

In conclusion: play this game or you're gay… or don't play it, and you're still gay. I don't care. What am I doing penning a review here anyway? I'm just the web guy.