By BErt

I know, I know...This is a CONSOLE GAME site. And Donald Duck's Playground is a COMPUTER GAME. But it is an OLD computer game, so I am justified a little bit. However, to prevent certain people from killing me (namely Apex), I hereby promise to never review another computer game after this one ever again (Please see the front page for my policy on promises). Let's get this over with.

I don't play computer games. I was never able to really get into them. But back in the day I did play a few, and this was one of them. You took the part of Donald Duck, and your mission was to work at one of four jobs: A train station, an airport, a toy store, or a produce market. Working would earn you phat cash, with which you would buy playground equipment for the local park; because the Mayor of "Duckburg" spent the city budget on coke and whores, so there wasn't a damn thing to do at that park. Technically, this was an educational game (it taught you to count change, match objects, and even to look both ways before crossing the railroad tracks...aww. I guess that "Banned From TV" woman never played this game). In fact, it even won some award or something. Educational Game of the Year. Like that's important.

• GRAPHICS: 2.5 The version I recently found looks much better than the one I originally played, but that ain't saying much. At least I can tell what everything is supposed to be, unlike in SOME games *coughcoughfridaythe13thcough*

• SOUND: .5 Imagine being asked to write the soundtrack for a video game. Now imagine composing the whole thing on your cell phone. Thank God there's an "off" option.

• CONTROL: 1.5 Everything did what it was supposed to do, but it did it so s l o o o o o o w y that I was able to finish an entire game of NCAA Football 2003 while Mr. Produce Man counted out my money, which he gave to me in all nickels.

• BCP: .5 First, it’s an educational game…If you can’t match the red car to the other red car, I pity you. Shit, even color-blind people would get a few right just by luck. Second, it’s a computer game, so you would be using a keyboard; and if youre stupid and angry enough to throw your keyboard, then maybe video games aren’t for you. Try reading a book. No, scratch that; you’d probably throw the book, and those can cause some serious damage. Try playing with a ball…those are supposed to be thrown.

• INSOMNIA FACTOR: 0 This is probably the only zero I'll ever give anything in any category. In fact, I PROMISE that it is (hehe). This is a game that you'll only play if youre stoned and bored and it's 3 a.m. anyway.

Maybe it's because I used to play this when I was little. Maybe it's because I used to like watching Donald Duck cartoons. Or maybe it's because the toy store sold bongs (read that again...the TOY STORE sold BONGS...educational indeed). Whatever the case, I enjoyed playing this game again, if only once (and trust me, it will be only once). If you've never played it, or haven't seen it in awhile, you'd be doing yourself a great injustice to not download this, if only to see that I'm right about the bongs.