Making Pirate Beverages
Pirates have an interesting taste in liquor. You might like to try some typical Piratical drinks, by following the recipes below:
Recipe One: GunPowderRum
Ingredients:
Rum (Lots)
Gunpowder (Lots and Lots)
A Cat
Feline Proofed Safety Equipment
1: Put on the on the Feline Proofed Safety Equipment
2: Put the Rum into a Bucket
3: Put the Gunpowder into the same Bucket
4: Put the contents of the Bucket into the Cat
5: Peel the Cat off the Wall
If the Cat is still recognisable as a mammal but hideously deformed, then the mix is about right. Drink as soon as required. Do not serve or store in metal containers.
Recipe Two: Brine Brandy
This recipe should be carried out in a well ventilated area.
Ingredients:
Brine (One bucket)
Gunpowder (To taste)
4-chloro-2,3-methylpent-1-ene (as much as possible)
Rind of Cat (Peel the one left over from the last recipe)
Pour half of the Brine into another bucket. Add the Cat Rind to this bucket, and leave to mature for a few moments. (Cat Rind is usually considered mature after green bits around the edge have formed small civilisations and started experimenting with nuclear weapons)
Add the mature Cat rind to the fresh Brine. Add as much Gunpowder as you want. The average Pirate uses 2-3 kilos.
Add the 4-chloro-2,3-methylpent-1-ene. ENSURE THAT THE ROOM IS EVACUTED IN AN ORDERLY FASHION IN ACCORDANCE WITH CORRECT PROCEDURES AND REGULATIONS. DO NOT RETURN TO DEAL WITH ANY CASUALTIES, BECAUSE FURTHER LOSS OF LIFE MAY RESULT. AVOID CONTACT WITH OFFICIALS OF ANY GOVERNMENT BODY.
After decontamination is finished and the United Nations Peace Keeping Force has withdrawn, place into POLYMER FREE bottles, and leave to mature for some time. The resulting brew is best enjoyed under general anaesthetic.
