Brad's
Rants
Welcome to one of the
newest sections on the Esch First Floor page...my little corner of cyber
space. This is where I rant like a lunatic about stuff that doesn't
really matter, but do I ever rant about things that matter? That's
what I thought...
You may be thinking
to yourself "Brad, you're just some jerk-off journalism major sitting behind
a computer in some shithole of a dorm. Get out of your stupid room
once in a while." Well, think what you may, but you've come to my
section of the page...
SO YOU WILL READ EVERY DAMN
WORD I HAVE TO SAY!!
Without further adue...my
first topic:
IUP's Name Change
IUP INDIANS
Everyone
just needs something to bitch about, so I guess that's why IUP's mascot
is always under fire. Minorities are complaining that "oh, that's
so racist." Well, I can think of a lot more racist things to call
the team asides from Indians, but I will refrain from that right now.
What should we be called
then, you may ask? The Penn conducted a survey and the general concensus
was to call us "The Storm." Sure, we have shitty weather here, but
why glorify it even more by making it our mascot? I could just picture
the mascot running around at the football games now...a black storm cloud...oh
wait..it wouldn't be Politcally Correct to make it a black cloud...but
since I'm a caucasian and never get to say it, IT'S DISCRIMINATION IF IT'S
A WHITE CLOUD!!
Some students have
suggested the "Fighting Squirrels." Well...at IUP, anyone on a sporting
team named the Fighting Squirrels would be a lot like the squirrel pictured
here.
IUP: A Forum for the Free-Flow
of Thoughts
But not in the Dorms
IUP
and College...they have always encouraged the free-flow of thoughts and
ideas. But here's my issue. Are we allowed to do so in the
dorms?
Not really, sadly I
must report. STAHL News, the happy shitter health paper, gets hung
up every so often in the "Bathroom Study," but the minute we want to put
our own stuff up, tough shit, the janitor will rip it down. My colleagues,
Jim and Andre, worked vigorously on our own versions of the STAHL News.
Jim, on a problem he faces himself, pubic crabs and Andre on drinking.
We were advised by
our beloved RA that we shouldn't hang them because we'd probably get billed
for being ignorant little pricks. So we went with his advice and
didn't hang them up. Just on the doors. I wonder how long that
will last.
But, since the internet
isn't heavily regulated, I can do say whatever I want and display whatever
as well. That's why I can put up shit like this picture of Doug.
Oh yeah, DAAP (Dickheads
Against Aging Pussy or whatever) can suck my sack long and hard.
Coming Soon:
Look for "Esch Hall: The Comic" in stores soon, which is being released
by View Askew.
Right now, I am negotiating rights with Miramax to release this comic as
a movie. We'll be on the big screen, but they have to include a cameo
by my boys Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes (Jay and Silent Bob).
Disclaimer: The whole
View Askew and movie negotiations, that's bullshit. But it sounds
cool. Although there is an "Esch Hall: The Comic" in circulation.
Coming soon to a computer screen near you. And all these views are
mine, so don't take'em personally. If you don't like'em bitch at
me, not everyone else.
Oh
yeah...on a final note Andre...you're flyers may be doing better than my
Penguins, but NOBODY has pride like the 'Burgh!
PITTSBURGH
PENGUINS