‘Switched Roles’ & ‘tenchi and
ranma?’
by Android 21 3/7 & Carlos Lopez
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
S3's Random Ramble: I have graduated,
and joined a local college! Woo-hoo! However, due to my writer’s
block, and laziness, S3 and company will not escape from Pearl and the
school until the end of this season. Crap, I just ruined the surprise.
Ah, well… No problem. Plenty of crap inbetween.
Look for a rant on graduation and/or
college soon, my fans! That’s right, all three of you.
Welcome to sweeps week! In celebration
of television’s sweeps week, we are having MANY guest-stars, and
a new plot unfolding… Also, a character is changed. Forever? I
really don’t know… Depends on how this series works out.
Enjoy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cheesy theme music starts up.
It’s the original Pokemon theme.]
S3: Uh-oh. New Song for sweeps week! AAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I want to be the very best,
Like no one ever was.
To read them is my real test,
To MST them is my cause.
I will travel across the ‘net,
Searching far and wide.
S3: Or, at least Fanfiction.net…
Each bad fic, to understand
The insanity of each inside!
S3: Like Mr. Sinister’s fics… or Tyrenol/Shinji
the 10 O’clock Assassin, for that matter…
MST! (Gotta
make fun of 'em all!)
It's you and me
I know it's my destiny
S3: What? I don’t wanna do this!
MST!
(Oh) You're my best friend
In a world we must defend
S3: SINCE WHEN?!?!
MST! (Gotta
make fun of 'em all)
A heart so true
S3: What?
Our courage will pull us through
S3: Yeah, right.
You teach me and I'll teach you
S3: Well, I AM in school… Well, college, anyway.
MST.......!
Gotta MST 'em all
Gotta MST 'em all
MST!
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MSTer roll call, with the question
and answer round:
“How does your soul taste?”
-S3, the Demon Godling: “I
think it needs garlic.”
-Ryoga Hibiki: “Tormented and cold.”
-The title-character from Ranma ½: the infamous boy-girl Ranma
Saotome: “Sweet and sour.”
-Son of the strongest fighter in the universe in Dragon Ball Z, super-hero
wannabe Son Gohan: “Uh…
should I even be answering this?”
-The one man who can’t decide what woman of seven to even date,
title character of Tenchi Muyo, Tenchi
Masaki: “I can’t decide.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The P.M.S. Mblow0t5 sat in orbit over the Earth with nothing really
happening that day. However, it WAS that once-a-week day, Sunday. Because
religion was too hard for the people of the Mblow0t5 to figure out (and
no one could figure out which one they should really follow), it was
deemed that Sunday would be the day that the mail came. So, it was so,
and it was good. I know that made no sense, just go with it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
S3 stepped out of his bedroom, REALLY tired from the previous night.
Last night, Pearl had made them MST a REALLY bad fanfic, called ‘At
the Carrot Patch.’ [S3’s
Random Ramble: I MAY MST that later, and use it as a ‘lost episode.’
Maybe.] S3, unable to sleep, had horrible images
floating through his head about the whole thing. He shook it off, deciding
to not tell anyone.
S3 walked over to the mail slot and grabbed Sunday’s batch of
mail. He leafed through it. Other than the several college applications
S3 had been getting lately, there was: bill from American Express (which
he didn’t have), ad for subscription to American Express (which
he didn’t want), a bill from his hometown’s local college
(which he HAD paid…), the newest issue of PSM, another issue of
PSM (the same one – that had been happening a LOT lately…),
a letter from R2, a letter from Sanzo-chan… S3 caught a whiff
of her perfume as he placed the letter aside, sending him for a loop.
Shaking his head, he resumed: a request to join the Mormon Church, a
request to quit said church, and a package from… the MST Syndicate?
Raising an eyebrow, S3 opened the package. Immediately, there was a
blast of white powder. A note followed, reading “Amnesia Dust!”
S3 crumpled the note, brushing off the obviously un-amnesiac-dusty talcum
powder from his body, and looked further into the package. Inside was
another note: this one was rather…pre-prepared…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It read:
Dear S3,
the Demon Godling.
It has come to our attention that you have sent us a letter of rejection
to our Syndicate. As many have done, you, S3,
the Demon Godling, have expressed your lack of confidence in
our ability to become a supportive, nurturing, careing… cering…
fuck it.
JOIN US OR DIE, S3,
the Demon Godling!
Sincerely,
The MST Syndicate
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
S3 regarded the note with a sunshiny grin on his face, and he thought
to himself, “Yay! Our first hate mail!” With that, he hung
the note on his bulletin board. S3 the walked out onto the main deck.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Duo sat on the semi-circular couch; busy playing ‘King of Fighters
EX2: Howling Blood’ on the crew’s new Game Boy Player for
their Gamecube. Duo had been playing that since S3 received the game
for Christmas a few weeks ago. Duo was once again in – as he called
it – ‘the zone.’ As a side effect, he ignored almost
everything except the game itself.
“Hey, Duo.” S3 sighed as he sat down next to the former
Gundam pilot, “How far are you now?”
Duo blinked once, than muttered, “I’m getting my ass kicked
by this final boss, Sinobu. Cheap bastard…”
S3 shook his head as he stood up and headed to the elevator-thingy that
would take him up to the ship’s control center, “Good luck,
man.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
S3 exited the elevator and stood on the command center of the P.M.S.
Mblow0t5, and was scared. On the viewscreen was the main starship of
the MST Syndicate. Of course, S3 knew what this was about: his letter
of refusal from MUCH earlier… S3’s letter (on which he had
forged the signatures of his crewmates) to the MST Syndicate had been
less than… pleasant, along with plagiarized from Cyrus Marriner
(Something, which S3 had already paid for…).
At the time, S3 had thought that sending the whole thing to the MST
Syndicate was terribly clever, but had forgotten one small detail: When
Cyrus had sent the note off, he was already far from the Syndicate’s
influence. S3, however, was still in orbit above the Earth…
S3 looked over at Ryoga, who was at the tactical station. Ryoga reported,
“They showed up a few minutes ago, and they’ve just demanded
for you to come over and talk for our surrender.”
There was a brief pause as S3 thought his options over. He could easily
surrender to the MST Syndicate, but then his series and ship would be
used to promote that which he hated: Stupidity. He could try to fight,
but Pearl had taken all the weapons offline. He could run, but the engines
were off, and would take about three weeks to activate. Because of that
fact, S3 couldn’t help but think back to the British TV show,
Red Dwarf. Actually, though, that gave him an idea… S3 nodded
to Ryoga, who opened a communications channel with the MST Syndicate
ship.
S3 cleared his throat as he started, “Attention MST Syndicate
ship, we are the Pearl Made Ship Mystic Blue Leopard Opposition to 5uperficialism,
or P.M.S. Mblow0t5 for short. We have received your message, and I would
like to just say one thing to you scumbags:” S3 paused as he took
a breath, “We surrender, completely and utterly. I will be coming
over to talk terms of our surrender. We are also sorry for wasting your
precious time. Sorry.” S3 than looked to Ryoga and gave the ‘kill
message’ motion.
Ryoga glared at S3, “You SO inspire courage in your crew…”
S3 laughed, “Ah, don’t worry, man. I was just lying. It’s
just to lull them into a false sense of security. Now, I want you to
call the crew together. I’ve got a plan.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone stood in the newly created War Room deep within the Mblow0t5.
Of course, due to time constraints and lack of space, the War Room was
really the bathroom. Everyone gathered around S3 as he described his
plan in great detail.
“So…” Duo interrupted as he leaned against the urinal,
“Your plan is, basically, running away.”
S3 stopped talking and blushed slightly as everyone stared at him, “Well…
ah… yeah, kinda. However, it’s a bit more than that. In
addition to escaping from the Syndicate, we’ll also gain freedom
from Pearl.”
Brandon raised an eyebrow, “And what are we going HOW are we going
to do this again?”
Ai nodded her agreement, as well as Chau. Ryoga merely stood in the
corner, a smirk on his face.
“Well,” continued S3, “We need to find out what makes
a Saiyan a Saiyan. I remember reading in one crappy DBZ fanfic I was
gonna MST, Bulma was able to make a distilled Saiyan solution, and fed
it to Krillin and Yamcha. They then became about 1/36 Saiyan…
AND they were able to go Super Saiyan… Pure crap, but I think
it might work, because this is MY series.”
Brandon sighed in amusement, “I already know how to do that. I
decided to take all the DBZ DVDs I owned, and melted them down into
a smoothie-like drink. After ingesting a small portion of the drink,
I was a Saiyan. Ai took some as well.”
S3 stared at Brandon, shock etched onto his face, “Uh… I
didn’t write you doing that… I wrote you as a Self-Insert,
so I just thought it was a by-product or something.”
Brandon shrugged, “I dunno. It’s what I remember doing…
Of course, you’ve changed my history MANY times – so I really
have no clue. Anyway, I have just enough for one person.”
Duo raised an eyebrow, “Who’s gonna have to down it?”
S3 pointed at Ryoga.
“WHAT?” shouted the newly-appointed guinea pig, “Why
me?!?!”
S3 shrugged, “I have no clue why.” S3 paused as he took
a book of paper from his pocket and held it under Ryoga’s nose,
“It was in this script, so you have to be.”
“What else does this script say?” Ai asked, trying to look
over S3’s shoulder.
S3 turned away from her, hiding the script, “Well, it says that
I have to go and negotiate with the Syndicate. And, it also says –
for no reason – that Ryoga, after drinking the stuff,” he
paused as Brandon tossed the drink to Ryoga, who downed it, “you
have to go and MST a fic with guests coming in…” S3 then
sprinted out of the ‘War Room’ at top
speed.
Everyone sprinted after S3, with the exception of Ryoga. As they hustled
out, Ai muttered to her fiancé, “This is gonna ruin our
wedding plans…”
Ryoga stood in front of the mirror, looking himself over. As far as
he could see, there were no changes at all. However, as he walked out
of the room to see who was coming in, a small bit of brown fur began
to peak out behind his back.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“…now.” concluded S3 as three guests appeared in
the Character Recaller in the command center of the ship.
Three people stood in the Recaller, a bit confused. Ryoga, however,
noticed one of the people immediately.
“Ranma?” Ryoga asked, starting to move forward, “How
are you doing, man?”
Ranma was about to reply, but stopped cold, “I’m fine, but…”
he stopped to grin, “Is that a tail, or are you just happy to
see me?”
Ryoga paused, “What are you…” then froze as he saw
what Ranma was talking about. A tail… Attached to his body…
Ryoga was usually a semi-nice normal guy. Ryoga wasn’t one to
panic, either. When he received his curse of pig, he took it in stride.
When Ryoga was ‘drafted’ to MST, he adapted quite well.
But… well… it seems the tail was a bit much for him…
Ryoga took a deep breath and let out the biggest scream all present
had ever heard, “HOLY SHIT!!!” Ryoga whirled on Brandon,
‘fangs’ bared, “What the HELL did you do to ME?”
Brandon shrugged, “Your fault you didn’t read the damn script…”
Son Gohan, the teenage son of Goku the legendary fighter, stared at
the wagging tail on Ryoga for a bit, “Um… what am I doing
here…?”
Tenchi Masaki, heir to the an alien kingdom, simply sat there, wondering
what the hell was going on.
S3 addressed them all, “Well, I’m sorry for taking you all
from your respective timelines and such,” S3 paused as he stood
on the character recaller, “You’re here to MST a couple
of fanfics while I leave to go and talk with the MST Syndicate…”
with that, S3 vanished.
Ryoga sighed as the fanfic alarm went off, “Great…”
he waved to the three newcomers, “follow me…”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The doors! Wow! They’re back!
Door 7: A picture of the ship’s namesake! Mblow0t5!
Door 6: A door made of Atari Jaguars. There’s NO WAY around them.
Gohan decided to do something different.
Gohan: [Assumes a battle stance.] KA….. ME…..HA….ME….
HA!!!!! [A large blue ki blast flies towards the door. It’s gone.
Oops.]
Ryoga: [Whistles.] Crap…
Door 5: It’s a Pokeball! It opens up, and you’re sucked
in.
Gohan: It's like the Dead Zone!!!
Door 4: It’s a manhole. You fall through.
Door 3: A black hole. You can guess the result.
Ranma: Not agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnn!
Door 2: A door from Metal Gear Solid. You find keycard 4 and slip inside.
Guard #1: What was that noise?
Door 1: A traditional theater door. You slide in and it locks behind
you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Order of Sitting: Gohan, Ryoga, Ranma, Tenchi]
>Title: Switched Roles
Gohan: Sounds like a Ranma fanfic.
Ryoga: God, I hope not.
>Author: Android 21 3/7
Tenchi: What? No smaller number than that?
Gohan: What android is that? I don’t remember him…
>Rating: PG
All: [Breath sigh of relief.]
>
>Disclaimer: I don¡¯t own it!
Ranma: [As Disclaimer.] ‘It’ being sanity.
Ryoga: And what’s with the typos?
>I never will!
Ryoga: That can’t be good.
>Actually, I might.
Gohan: Good! Then you can got out of that rubber room that you call
your home.
>You never know how the future might turn out!
Ryoga: Thanks to S3, I know how both Tenchi’s and mine &
Ranma’s TV shows end! [Just for the record, this is what my spellchecker
wants me to say: ‘Ranma’s end & I know how both Tenchi’s
and mine!’]
Ranma: [Raises an eyebrow.] Oh? How?
Ryoga: You marry Akane.
Ranma: I KNEW that!
Gohan: [Whines.] What about MY show?
Ryoga: You don’t need to know. Goku wins and Goku is superior.
Gohan: [Nods.] I thought so.
>BUT I DON¡¯T OWN IT NOW, SO DON¡¯T SUE ME!!!
Tenchi: I bet we can still sue him.
Ranma: Well, yeah – but I think he’s poorer than Ryoga.
Ryoga: Yeah… [Brief pause.] HEY!
>
>Nene gave me this idea in her review of one of my other fanfics.
All: [Flinch slightly.]
Tenchi: That doesn’t sound too good.
>This is going to be a weird one!
Ryoga: I’m gonna try and wander about – see if I can’t
get lost. [Leaves and comes back after five minutes.] No luck.
>
>It all started as a normal day, even with the androids destroying
the world.
Ryoga: [Sarcastically.] Oh, sure… Every day something tries
to destroy the world…
Gohan: Well… that’s normal for me. First Uncle Raditz, then
Vegeta, then Frieza, then the androids, then Cell, then finally the
variations of Buu.
Ranma: Of course, I’ve gone through something similar. Everyday,
4 or 5 women try to kill each other over me!
Tenchi: [Holds up six fingers.] Six women.
Ranma: [Raises an eyebrow.] You engaged to any of them?
Tenchi: No…
Ranma: I am. To ALL of them.
Ryoga: [Pouting.] I hate you all.
>Goku and the gang were just training when suddenly Vegeta began
to power up and
>they had a little accident¡¦
Ryoga: Ok. It’s DBZ.
Ranma: [As a parent.] Aww… did little Veggie have an accident
in his dipey-poos?
>¡°Goku heads up!¡± Krillin yells, but it¡¯s
too late. A huge rock that was lifted in the power up hit Goku
>on the head, somehow causing his broken programming to become fixed.
Tenchi: He’s a robot?
Ranma: That would make sense. He is, after all, quite powerful…
Gohan: How would that explain me, though?
Ranma: I don’t want to try to explain you. [Smirks.] You’re
too incompetent a martial artist.
Gohan: [Goes Super Saiyan level 2 and smashes
a few unimportant iron beams behind them.] Care
to repeat that?
Ranma: O.o’ Never mind.
>¡°Yo, bro, you okay?¡±
Ryoga: Goku’s got a brother?!?!
Tenchi: Since when?
Gohan: Um…does ANYBODY remember my Uncle
Raditz? The first DBZ villain?
>¡°Yeah that was quite a bump,¡± Yamcha comments.
>Goku looked at the Z-senshi
All: [Begin laughing.]
Ryoga: [As Goku.] I am Goku Moon! And in the name of the Moon, I will
punish you!
Ranma: [Shudders.] Goku in a Sailor outfit…
>and suddenly he looks evil and his eyes glow red.
Tenchi: He must have grown a handlebar mustache.
Ranma: And gained the powers of Akuma.
>¡°Everyone, back away. Obviously, there¡¯s
something wrong with Goku,¡±
Ranma: Gee… I see that look everyday with Kuno, Pantyhose Taro,
and even Pig-boy over there.
Ryoga: RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!! [Charges at Ranma, but is knocked away…
as usual.] DAMMITT! [Slides into his seat and begins grumbling.]
>Piccolo instructed. Everyone does so, warily. Goku raises his hand
at them.
>¡°PITIFUL HUMANS!! YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME!!¡±
Gohan: [Reverts to normal.] Um… Mr. Piccolo is a Namek. They’re
GREEN. Vegeta is a Saiyan. I am a-
Ranma & Ryoga: [Stuff a sock in Gohan’s mouth.] SHUT. UP.
Ranma: We DON’T need a living dictionary. OR a talking bore.
Ryoga: We have Kuno for that at home.
Tenchi: I thought it was kinda informative.
Ranma & Ryoga: You too!
>With that Goku fires an enormous blast and everyone barely escapes
it.
Tenchi: And… yet, the author has no trouble writing that sentence.
>Everyone is stricken with horror, Vegeta included.
All: BS!
>Gohan flies to his father.
>¡°Dad, what¡¯s going on with you?¡±
>He answers by firing another blast.
Tenchi: Oh! I see… It’s Morse code!
Ryoga: I can translate that…
Ranma: Comes in handy when you get lost, right?
Ryoga: Shut up. [Begins translating.] I… need… some…
help. I’m… stuck… in… the… zipper.
Gohan: [Winces.] That’d make ME want to kill everyone.
>Gohan would have been killed if Piccolo hadn¡¯t grabbed
him then!
Gohan: Hey! I’m not helpless!
>¡°Say goodbye to your planet for I shall sell it to Frieza!¡±
Ranma: [As Goku.] …and he shall turn it into a giant Refrigerator!
>He is surprised that everyone is unconcerned and only gives him
a weird look and
>sweatdrops.
Ryoga: Well, now we know the truth.
Tenchi: [Surprised look.] We do?
Ryoga: Sure! The characters in this fic don’t even care what’s
going on! That proves this is crap!
Ranma: [Whacks Ryoga upside the head.] Why do you care all of a sudden?
Ryoga: I… really don’t know…
>¡°What? Aren¡¯t you worried?¡±
Goku yells, not so menacingly this time.
>¡°Uh, Dad, Frieza¡¯s dead.¡±
>¡°And Planet Vegeta was destroyed by Frieza himself,¡±
Krillin adds.
>¡°What?! Vegeta is destroyed? Who avenged the Saiyans?¡±
All but Tenchi: KILLED! Vegeta was KILLED!
Tenchi: …I think they meant the planet, not the Z-fighter.
Ranma: Um… I don’t think that that was even worth pointing
out, man.
>Everyone either points to Mirai Trunks or to Goku or to both.
>¡°Okay, I am very confused¡¦¡±
Goku says, scratching his head. Mirai Trunks takes the
>liberty to explain.
Tenchi: [Suddenly turns into the Statue of Liberty.] Bring me your
poor, your weak, your huddled masses.
Ranma: [Hits Tenchi.] NOT that ‘Liberty!’
>¡°On Planet Namek, you defeated Frieza, a major blow
to his pride. Then he came here
>seeking revenge on you, but you weren¡¯t here yet, so
I killed him for you.¡±
Gohan: [As Trunks.] I hope you don’t mind or anything. I just
got bored and stuff.
>¡°I don¡¯t remember doing anything of the
kind!¡±
>¡°Goku, do you have amnesia or something?¡±
Krillin asks.
Ranma: I’d have to classify this as an ‘or something.’
Gohan: Yeah, a crappy plot.
>Goku clarifies everything by responding, ¡°Goku? I¡¯m
not Goku. I¡¯m Kakarotto.¡±
Tenchi: Ok… did we just have a crossover with Fanfiction.net’s
Oujo no baka, Jeril-sama’s fanfic ‘Another Boring Day…
NOT!’? [Slight fizzing sound as the force field holding the 4th
‘wall’ up fizzles slightly.]
Gohan: Slight plug there, folks. [More fizzing.] Oops.
>
>¡°Apparently, since Vegeta is destroyed
Ryoga: You mean sent to the ‘Home for Infinite Losers?’
>and Frieza is dead, I might as well continue living here.¡±
All: Story over! Let’s go home. [Begin to the door.]
Ryoga: [Off in the other corner of the theater.] WHERE AM I?!?!?
Ranma: Over here! [Grabs the door’s handle. It’s locked.]
Damn. [Everyone retreats back to their seats.]
>Everyone slouches in relief, until¡¦
>¡°BUT I¡¯D BETTER CLEAR IT OF THESE HUMANS
FIRST!
>MWAHAHAHA!!!¡±
All: ^_^’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Gohan: You know, my dad doesn’t even have that much of a threatening
laugh…
>And with that, Kakarotto flies away and everyone sweatdrops again.
>¡°Man what should we do? I feel uncomfortable about fighting
Goku,¡± Krillin says.
Ranma: Don’t these people SPAR? AT ALL? You know, training?
>¡°We¡¯re fighting our own best friend,¡±
Yamcha agrees. ¡°and he¡¯s so much stronger than
us.¡±
>¡°What should we do?¡± Chao-tzu asks.
>¡°Maybe we can hit Dad on the head and he¡¯ll
change back like in cartoons!¡±
Tenchi: Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black?
>¡°-_-¡±
>¡°What?¡±
>¡°Maybe the woman might know,¡± Vegeta says
at last. Everyone looks at him.
>¡°Kakarotto is following his programming. Somehow that
blow on the head reawakened it.¡±
>
>¡°So Goku remembers his Saiyan heritage? To change him
back, I¡¯m going to need a sample of his
>programming!¡±
Gohan: But… he’s not a robot…
>Krillin nearly exploded.
Ranma: Like on Namek?
>¡°ARE YOU KIDDING?! WE¡¯RE NOT BRAIN SURGEONS!!¡±
>Not intimidated, Bulma replies, ¡°That will not be necessary
if we can find the space
>ship. There should be some information and parts of Saiyan technology
there! We can
>use that to change or destroy Goku¡¯s programming!¡±
Gohan: Uh…
Ranma: I think I’ve fought a robot before…
Ryoga: [Droning on.] I must kill Ranma, I must kill Ranma, I must kill
Ranma, I must kill Ranma, I must kill Ranma, … [Stands up, screaming.]
I must kill RANMA SAOTOME!!!
Ranma: [Shrugs] I guess that counts.
>¡°But what if Goku destroys us before we can find it?
Tenchi: No biggie. There’s those Dragonball-thingies, right?
Gohan: Yeah, I gotta admit, those Dragonballs remove all of the suspense
for my show…
>Who can hold him off long enough? We could be killed,¡±
Piccolo says in his grim
>manner.
>Suddenly the door opens and three people walk in.
All: [Begin whistling a western tune.]
>¡°THE ANDROIDS!¡± Mirai Trunks yells and
prepares to fight.
>¡°Relax, kid, we aren¡¯t here to fight. We¡¯re
actually here to help,¡± Juuhachigou
>calmly explains.
Ranma: Eh?
Ryoga: This is why I HATE being the English translation of our show…
Gohan: That’s Android 18.
Tenchi: [Excited.] She’s a babe!
Ryoko: [Suddenly over the intercom.] HER?!?! YOU GET EXCITED OVER HER?!?!?!
Gohan: She’s taken anyway, man.
Tenchi: [Cowers as Ryoko, his wannabe girlfriend from his TV show, makes
increasingly more deadly threats over the intercom.] I’m gonna
die…
Ranma: [Pats Tenchi on the back.] It can’t be all that bad. I’ve
fought against an Amazonian warrior, an Okonomiaki chef, an anything-goes-martial-arts-rhythmic-gymnast,
and my fiancé – Akane Tendo. AND, I’m engaged to
them all… How hard can she be?
Tenchi: She’s a space pirate with the ability to kill anything…
Ranma: [Takes his hand away from Tenchi.] You’re on your own,
man.
>¡°If Goku destroys the world and all the humans on it,
then we won¡¯t be able to have
>anymore fun,¡± Juunanagou says.
Gohan: That’s #17.
>¡°And destroying Goku is my function,¡±
Juurokugou says in his monotonous robot
>voice.
Gohan: …and #16.
>Bulma is the only one who thinks this is a good idea.
Ryoga: The others? Well, they just got bored with the damn thing and
went on vacation.
>¡°They¡¯re perfect for the job. That gives
us plenty of time to find Goku¡¯s ship.
Gohan: I remember that! Mr. Piccolo blew it up when I transformed
into a giant ape!
Ryoga: What? Did you fall into a Jusenkyo spring or something?
Gohan: …I had a tail, and it allowed me to transform at the full
moon…
Ranma: [Grabs Ryoga’s tail.] Speaking of which… where’d
you got this monkey tail? I didn’t think that you’d be THAT
stupid as to fall in TWICE…
Ryoga: [Uses the tail to throw Ranma.] Heh. I actually like this thing;
it comes in handy every once in a while…
Ranma: [From behind Ryoga.] Yo.
Ryoga: [Whirls around.] WHAT?
Ranma: [Balanced on Ryoga’s tail, standing on one foot.] You’ll
have to do better than that, P-chan.
>Vegeta, do you know where it might have landed?¡±
>Vegeta nods and takes off.
Ranma: He’s smart – running out of this fic.
Gohan: I always liked Vegeta for that – brains.
>The rest reluctantly go after him and the androids leave last,
heading to where they last
>saw Goku.
Ranma: It’s over! We’re free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All: YES! [Scramble out of the theater.]
>
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Tenchi: Here we go again…
> tenchi and ranma?
Ryoga: God, I hope not. Imagine their child…
Ranma: WHAT?!?! What are you talking about, P-chan?
Tenchi: [Curls up into a fetal position.] I musn’t run away…
I musn’t run away…
Shinji: [Over loudspeaker.] SHUT UP!
>
> the story begins in the tendo house.
Ranma & Ryoga: [Swallow slightly.]
Gohan: [Smirks.] Glad to see the shoe is on the other foot.
>see ya pops bye dad wher off to school
>said ranma and akane but what they did not know that there was a
visitor.
Ranma: No! It’s my mother! I don’t wanna die!!!!! [Douses
himself in cold water. He’s now a well-built, red-haired, girl.]
Ryoga: [Hits her upside the head.] You’re a coward, Ranma.
Ranma-chan: [EXTREMELY hyper-active.] Nope! I’m Ranko, now! Akane’s
little cousin!
Tenchi: Why don’t you like your mom?
Ranma: [Since it’s safe, Ranma pours a bucket of hot water over
her head, now back to normal.] If YOUR mother was going to kill you
when she found out you weren’t ‘all-man,’ then you’d
hide, too!
>the stoy now
>is in tenchi house in washus room. KABOOM!!!!!
Tenchi: The world was obliterated! It’s over!
Gohan: Let’s go!
>washu
Ranma: Damn…
>what the hell are you doin ahh tenchi im trying to open another
dimension
Gohan: [Begins twitching.]
>hi tenchi ah ryoko what are you doing here.
Ryoga: [As ‘ryoko’] I dunno its not my ida to be her i
dont like this.
Tenchi: Ryoga, you’re starting to scare me…
>Hi lord tenchi oh hi aeyaka so how
>does this work washu.
Ranma: Kill… me…
>Ok then tenchi first i just flip the switch wait till the
>gauge is full and an orb should come up
Ryoga: The Orb of Time or the Orb of Space?
Gohan: Huh?
Ryoga: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I like the series, so sue me.
>and should open an dimension and yes its
>opening its open.
Tenchi: The Cubs win!!!!!!!!!!
Ryoga: [Raises an eyebrow.] What?
Tenchi: This fic needed something to spice it up…
>
> tenchi go into the dimension and get me something
All but Ranma: [Begin humming the ‘Mission: Impossible’
theme.]
Ranma: [As ‘washu’ as the tape in Mission Impossible.] Your
mission should you accept it is to go and find plot for this thing.
If you are found we will disavow all knowledge of your actions and grammar.
>heres a watch kind of ghetto
>of a watch
Gohan: The watch is from the ‘West side?’
>shut up tenchi i need the supplies aeka, ryoko, royoki , sasami
>you need to go.
Ryoga: Yes, we should. [Begins walking off to the back of the theater.]
Ranma: Door’s locked.
Ryoga: [Begins walking back, gets lost.]
>Ok washu lets go.Be careful tenchi let me set in the coorodinets
>tokyo ,japan.
Ryoga: WHERE AM I?!?!?!
Ranma: I thought we lived in Nerimya, Japan.
Tenchi: [Pokes Ranma’s shoulder.] Isn’t that a sub-city
of Tokyo?
Ranma: Damned if I know.
Ryoga: HELP ME!!!!
>OK heres the list i will be back ok tenchi at the ranma part
All: [Making the Wayne’s World flashback noises, waving hands
in front of the screen.] Doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo!
Ryoga: WHERE AM I NOW?!?!?!?
>TOMBOY!PERVERT!GIRLYMAN!GAYFER!RETARD!.
Tenchi: It’s worse than Excel Saga! [4th wall sizzles.]
>You to stop that said ryoga
Ryoga: [FINALLY finds his seat.] What did I do?
>what u want ryoga .
Ryoga: [Very angry.] TO GO HOME…
>*nothing* with a quite whimpering voice
>ranma stop beating on poor little weak ryoga
Ryoga: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Ranma: [Falls out of his seat, laughing.]
>why *kick* GYEEE!!!!!!
>Akane why the hell you do that hey ranma (shampoo jumps on ranma)
Ryoga: [Stands up and points at Ranma.] YOU BASTARD! I thought only
AKANE was for you!
Ranma: [Standing up as well.] What’s it to you, P-chan?
Gohan: Settle this later, ok? We’ve gotta get this over with.
>ah so the foolish ranma ah kunu why are you here i came to kill
you i want to
Gohan: [As ‘kunu.’] …use proper grammar and spelling
for once.
>marry pig tailed girl
>and akane tendo.
Ranma: So, he’s suddenly a Mormon?
>!*SWOOSH*! who are you i am tenchi and this my gang
Tenchi: [As a horribly-done impression of a gangster.] Fo shizzle,
my nizzle-thingy thing something-crappy.
>hi this is ryoga kuno huhryoga
Gohan: Who?
>kuno stop drooling over whats her name its ryoko yah ryoko
>yu hoo we came here to get some parts ranma what do you need. i
need
>a holoy morpher titanuim metal
Tenchi: Wasn’t that a ‘Power Rangers’ thingy?
>some gundnuim alloy thats some of it.ok
>let me show uyou the repair shop. here sir i need this stuff ok
it costs
>$10000000000000yen
Gohan: Isn’t that about 5 bucks in US money?
>AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ok heres themoney didnt i tell you the sign
says intrest
All: But we’re NOT interested!
>dhut the hell up
>fat boy cunkey meat ryoko
Gohan: You know, I REALLY miss the punctuation of ‘Switched
Roles…’
Tenchi: Yeah. It may have had a laughable plot, but at least nearly
everything else was ok…
>stop that why i otta slice him in half and his jolly green
>giant of a ass.OK OK OK here are the parts keep them bye.
>lets go back hold it right the who are you were are theives hahaha
>me want stuff *SNATCH* come back her basterd *zoom* ill chop u in
half
Ryoga: I hope whoever just said that was referring to the author…
>Dont worry tenchi it goes to the martial arts contest
>so enter it thanks ranma.
All: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!
>
> next time
> tenchi i learning martial arts ranma way
> and there trING IN THE CURSED IT CANT BE THE
> JUSENKYO
Ranma: THE Jusenkyo? What the…?
Tenchi: [As the Rock.] Can you smell what the Jusenkyo is cooking?
>will tenchi transform or not tune in next time
All: But we don’t want to!
>
>
> written by:Carlos Lopez
>
>
>
>hey tenchi hey rama
Ryoga: WHO?
>i can train you so you can fight in the tornement
>but wher etraining in CHINA.so we are going to the jusenkyo
>to train.eat this tenchi
All: AHHHHHH!!! NO LEMON!
>hi yah swoosh LIGHT HAWK SWORD!!!!!
Tenchi: WHAT? Did Ranma use that?
Ranma: Light Hawk WHAT…?
>ahh what the hell is that shut up lets fight careful were you swing
that
>thing ok im re sorting to the cat fist
Ryoga: You mean the Neko-ken?
Ranma: I never liked that maneuver, in order to use it, I have to be
exposed to WAY too many cats… ugh.
>BAM SLAH POP OWWWWWW!!!
>SLAP POW SPLASH!!!.
All: …
>tenchi i will save you splash umm...
Ranma: Uh… what’s going on here?
>hey hey giggle giggle haha t-chan. oink oink haha
>you turn back with hot water here . JERK EAT THIS RANMA
>POW!!! holy shit that hurts.
Ryoga: You don’t know the half of it, kid.
> SORRY FOR AN ENTERUPTION OF MOLDING
> KIDS MINDS HERES A CHRIS MAS EPISODE
Gohan: Two things: quit ‘enterupting,’ and QUIT WRITING!
Period!
>
>tenchi were are you ahh ryokos
Tenchi: Believe me, one is enough…
>here weres the cold water
>ok splash now i just hide *slam* who is hehes a pig to
Ryoga: Ok… is that me?
Tenchi: Wasn’t there some sort of splash earlier? Does that mean
someone ELSE fell into the spring of drowned pig?
All: [30 second pause.] …crap…
>what is today ahhh its christmas oh god hide me ranma hide
>me why?
Goahn: No, it’s why… me?
All but Gohan: We agree!
>ryoko aeyka
>tenchiiii
>see yah VOOOOOM!!!!!
All: [Diving for cover.] Duck!!! Drive by Fanfic!
>tenchi come back here SWISH!!!!!!!!
Ranma: Two points!
Ryoga: What’s with all of the sports references here?
>im scared ni hao why me sigh slam ukyo punch akane
>trip kadochi ahhh my worst nightmare see yah VOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Gohan: Great. Its yet ANOTHER drive-by fanficing.
>BAM!! tenchi ranma you BASTERD (THEY SAID IT AT SAME TIME)
All: Thanks, Dumbass!
>hers are presents
>um were going bye VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Ryoga: I REALLY hope this fic runs out of gas soon…
>BAM!!! pops why are you here hes a christmas gift for you its an
engage ment
>ring for akane.
Ryoga: [Stands up shouting.] YES! I can FINALLY get engaged to Akane!
Gohan: I think that was for Ranma. [Ryoga falls forward in defeat.]
Ranma: Hell, it could have been for that wussy Tenchi guy here.
Tenchi: Hey!
Ryoga: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Akane!!!!
>nO TIME SLAM .wait up ok im gone
>trip. ryoga kuno sorry no time POW!! GYEEE!!! i cant run MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tenchi: They kidnapped Santa!
> next time (half and half of STORY)
Ryoga: Is that like half-and-half milk?
Ranma: Yeah, half the plot, and twice the crap.
> THE PARTY BEGINS LETS BOOGY
[Disco ball falls from the ceiling, lights start flashing, and disco
music starts playing. All of a sudden, the MSTers are in disco outfits
and leisure suits.]
All: [Remain seated.] NO.
>OHYAH SORRY
All: [Disco lights vanish. But… they’re still in the leisure
suits.] You’re NOT forgiven.
>AND WHATS THIS
>T-CHAN UM I MEAN TENCHI LOVES BEING A PIG
Ryoga & Tenchi: [Jaws fall to the floor.]
>WHATS HE USING IT FOR
Ranma: I can just imagine it: Sleeping in Ryoko’s bed…
sneaking into the bath…
Ryoga: Almost being used for pork chops…
[Brief pause.]
Ranma: [To Ryoga.] That only happened once, right?
Gohan: Wait a second – no more text…
Tenchi: This means…
All: IT’S OVER!!!!
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ryoga sat down on the couch in the main center living area. It was
about an hour after the group MST, and all the characters that had guest-starred
had already gone home. There was a flash at the back of the room, and
then a cough or two. Ryoga turned around, and saw S3.
“S3!” Ryoga shouted as he went over to S3, who looked rather
beat-up.
S3 cursed slightly as he spit out a bit of blood, “Well, I guess
THAT didn’t work out too well…” S3 looked up to Ryoga,
“The MST Syndicate wants our ship… They also want me to
just surrender myself for scientific experiments…”
Ryoga laughed, “Well, we’re screwed, ain’t we?”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
S3's Random Ramble: YES! Another MST
done with!~ Woohoo!~ This one took GOD knows how long for me to make...
and those fanfics weren't easy to MST in the first place... Well, I
hope it was enjoyable to you guys...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Credits:
Cast credits:
Ryoga Hibiki as Himself
Asuka Ikari as Herself
Shinji Ikari as Himself
Brandon Masters as Himself
Chau Maxwell as Herself
Duo Maxwell as Himself
S3 as Himself
Ai Seki as Herself
Guest stars:
Son Gohan as Himself
Ranma Saotome as Himself
Tenchi Masaki as Himself
Original fics by:
Android 21 3/7 & Carlos Lopez
Script by:
S3, the Demon Godling, Chau Maxwell and Duo Maxwell
Plot by:
Ryoga Hibiki and Ranma Saotome
Co-Producers:
Asuka Ikari and S3, the Demon Godling
Director:
S3, the Demon Godling
Stunts:
All stunts are done by the actors themselves.
Set Design:
Gene Roddenberry and Joel Robinson
Cameraman:
Gene Starwind
Best Boy:
Fuzzy Skinner
Cool music and AMVs listened to
while writing by:
Mblow0t5, Tyler Mix, Iatrogene/Brainwhacker, X2 and Rabbit
Special thanks to:
-The creators of MST3K
-The authors of the first amendment
-Mblow0t5, whom I met for the ‘first’ time over Spring Break
-Rumeysa, for her kick-butt performance in the Anime Club Zone of the
Enders contest (Ok… so that was a about a year ago, but…).
-Trutenor for pretty much being my Sempai/Teacher.
- Sanzo-dono, for… well… she knows. ^^
Copyright:
-P.M.S. Mblow0t5, copyright 2003, all rights to original things reserved
to newly-formed S3 Industries’ co-CEOs S3, the Demon Godling and
Brandon Masters.
-Mblow0t5 owns herself, and I thank her for letting me use her name
here.
3 Stinger Clips:
“¡°Maybe we can hit Dad on the
head and he¡¯ll change back like in cartoons!¡±”
“tenchi go into the dimension and get me something heres a watch
kind of ghetto
of a watch shut up tenchi i need the supplies aeka, ryoko, royoki ,
sasami
you need to go.”
“im scared ni hao why me sigh slam ukyo punch akane trip kadochi
ahhh my worst nightmare see yah VOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!”