A Random Pokemon Fic, by some stupid Pokemon fan named * Maria *.
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S3's Random Ramble: Hi! This is S3
here! I've got most of the MSTs for season 3 done, but I also now have
another fanfic series to do. Gabe Ricard, essentially, gave me his Final
Fantasy 7 series. Obviously, combined with my Senior year of High School
and my MSTs, I might be bogged down with work. Don't worry. I'll still
do the MSTs, but they may not be as often...
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[Cheesy theme music starts up.]
S3: Uh-oh.
In the not to distant future,
2006 AD.
There once was an avatar,
about the same as you or me.
Tortured by a teacher by the name of Pearl,
an evil gal who wants to rule the world.
She threw S3 into space,
and is intent on torturing him until he goes insane!
S3: Hey! That doesn't rhyme!!!!
Pearl: I'll send them crappy fanfics!
The worst I can find!
All: Lalala!
He'll have to sit and read them
all,
and I'll monitor his mind.
All: Lalala!
Now, keep in mind he can't control,
when the fics begin and end.
S3: I wish.
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his made-up friends!
MSTer roll call:
S3! (I'm the freakin' author here!)
R2! (WHY?!?!)
James! (Team Rocket's blasting off againnnnn!!!)
Ryogaaaaaaaaa! (WHERE AM I NOW?!?!)
If you're wondering what he likes
and hates,
and other personal facts.
S3: WHAT?
Just keep in mind,
This is the internet!
You ain't getting a hold of it!
Oh, the voyages of the P.M.S. Mblow0t5!
Squeaky!
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The P.M.S. Mblow0t5 floated in space, the crew unknowing that a not-so
sinister organization was forming below them on Earth.
S3 sat in the captain's chair on the bridge, surfing the internet. S3
was trying to find new MST websites - and had found a promicing place
- the MST Syndicate.
Suddenly, the webiste he was looking at shrank to the left half of the
main viewscreen, and the other half showed Pearl, ready to send him
another fanfic.
"Great..." S3 sighed, "How're you doin' with that Mimi
Bobeck-Carey imprsonation?"
"No better than you with that Drew Carey impression you seem to
be working on." Pearl retorted, "I've got another fanfic for
you losers today. It's a Pokemon romantic fanfic!"
S3 let out a sigh, this couldn't be good...
"HOWEVER, I will let you choose two people to accompany you, along
with Ryoga."
S3 grinned and laughed as he paced over to the Character Recaller, "I
choose James from Pokemon, and Ragnarok2 - R2 himself."
Pearl shrugged as she pressed a red button, "Fine. You have fanfic
sign."
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>Ash Ketchum and Misty Cerulean were walking down the main rode
of Celosia city.
>Their pokemon were tired from the long trip.
Ryoga: They were 'At the Carrot Patch.' [WHAP!] Ow!
R2: Don't make me Angel-arm your ass...
>So they had left all of them at the Pokemon center with Brock.
James: [Takes out personal recording device.] Note to self: When stupid
fics are written, twerp and his girlfriend leave Pokemon with the useless
squinty one.
R2: You DO know that there is no way for you to win, right?
James: [Breaks down crying.] I know!
>Ash and Misty were now trying to find refills for their Med bag,
and a place to stay until
>the local gym opened.
S3: [As Ash.] Opens... 2045?!?!
>"The map says the store that way,"
All but James: SHAMPOO?!?!
S3: [As Shampoo.] Great-grandmother say herbs good for healing.
>Ash said to misty heading down the road. (Which went into the woods.)
R2: It sounds like Ash is trying to seduce Misty.
James: [As Ash.] Lost the map, check. Fell doen and broke my ankle,
check. Seduce Misty, next on the list.
>Misty stared at him before running up to catch him. After about
an hour of walking Misty
>snatched the map from him.
All: Damn back-seat walkers. [Pause. Look at each other.]
>"ASH! You were holding the map upside done, now we have to
walk all the way back!" Misty shouted
>very angry.
>As she waved the map in his face the wind caught it, blowing it
off to who-knows-where.
Ryoga: I do! It went into a plot hole! [Plot hole opens, and the map
flies out.] Ha!
James: I'm great at maps, gimmie.
S3: [To R2.] How can you be good at maps?
R2: [To S3.] It's like being good at watching TV.
James: Ohhh! The twerps were going to Rougetown! It's famous for it's
whorehouses.
All but James: Personal experience?
James: [Blushes.] Shut up.
>As they stood and stared after it Misty began to think,
All: [As Misty.] Duhhhhhhhhhh.....
>[Why is he so stupid. He is always so sure of himself. He never
stops to think that he might be
>wrong.
R2: Actually, that comes from being stupid - not from being sure of
himself.
>Why do I even put up with him.
Ryoga: HE OWES YOU A BIKE! That's why!
>I should just gather up my pokemon and leave on my own.
James: [Blinks twice.] Wait. I thought that they left the pokemon
with squinty.
Ryoga: You mean Brock?
James: Yeah, squinty.
>I mean he has already paid me back for my bike.
Ryoga: [Sarcastically.] I think I missed that episode.
S3: [Raises an eyebrow.] You watch that?
Ryoga: [Shocked look.] Uh... ah... um... [Points at S3.] YOU WATCH YU-GI-OH!
R2: [Cracks his knuckles.] So do I.
James: [Hugs Ryoga.] I have a fan!!!
>Yet why can't I leave him. It's not like I like him or anything.
S3: Bad romance plot twist #303: the female character realizes that
she likes the male lead for no reason. Usually used in bad Tenchi fanfics.
>Right? Oh why do we have to stuck together with no map NOW!
R2: Wow. It's as if the thing was SCRIPTED.
>When there is no Brock to keep me at bay.
Ryoga: Did we miss something?
James: I knew the girl was stupid, but this is rediculcus!
>What if My feeling's get the better of me!! AHHH!!!]
>In the mean time Ash was thinking, [I sure am hungry. Hey Misty
smell's like
Ryoga: [Throwing James off, as Ash.] ...fish.
R2 & S3: [Hit James.] Baka hentai!
S3: It feels nice not to be hit all the time... [WHAP!] ow...
>hamburgers. Probably because that the last thing she ate.
S3 & R2: When Shampoo writes a bad fanfic.
D2: Beep-boop!
R2: I thought I killed you!
>I wonder if she's hungry? It's kind of cold out here.
R2: Ash, master of thought!
>I wonder if she is cold? He starts to pull off his vest
All: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Put it on! Put it on!
>to give her
Ryoga: They're both 10. I hope to GOD that he isn't planning to give
her 'little Ash.'
>but stops after a second. Wait a minute why am I worried about
her! All she has ever been is
>mean, and cruel to me.
S3: It sounds like Shinji and Asuka.
Shinji & Asuka: [over the loudspeaker.] Shut up!
>Why should I care. Another voice surfaced in his head. [Cause you
like her]]
S3: [Takes out old 3,000,000-page novel, entitled 'Bad romance plots.']
#1004: Idiotic idea pops up into main male's head, and he loves the
main female.
>The voice shock Ash So bad that he yelled out loud.
R2: Who the HELL is Ash So?
James: I thought the twerp's name was Ash Ketchum!
>Bring both him and Misty back to reality.
>"What should we do now?" asked Misty.
Ryoga & S3: Cue porn music. [WHAP! WHAP!] Ow!
R2: Perverts. Don't make me angel arm you guys as well.
>"Um head back. Follow the path," Ash suggested.
>"What path? We tromped through the woods for an hour,"
yelled Misty.
R2: [As Ash.] All right, she-bitch. Let's go.
Ryoga: Wrong Ash.
S3: I don't think he cares, and neither do I.
>All of a sudden Team Rocket burst through the trees. They yelled
their stupid Motto.
James: Stupid? STUPID?!?! Me and Jessie spent 12 days on that intro!
Ryoga: And it's STILL akward.
>BLAH
>BLAH
>BLAH
>(don't feel like typing it)
James: O.O WHAT?!!? They didn't want to TYPE it?
S3: Well, well... we're screwed.
Ryoga: [Vanishes, only to appear a few seconds later, dressed as Jessie
from Pokemon.] Prepare for Trouble!
S3 & R2: o_O;;;
James: [Leaps up to join Ryoga, and produces a rose from nowhere.] And
make it double!
Ryoga: To protect our world from devastation.
James: To unite all peoples within our nation.
Ryoga: To denounce the evils of truth and love.
S3: [To R2.] What makes truth and love evil?
R2: [Shrugs.]
James: To extend our reach to the stars above.
Ryoga: Jessie!
James: James.
Ryoga: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!
James: Surrender now, or prepare to fight!
S3 & R2: SHUT UP! THAT'S RIGHT!
James: [Hugs Ryoga again, who is still dressed as a woman.] Thank you
for making me happy...
>"And now to capture Pikachu!" shout Jessi.
>"We don't have him." Ash muttered, very annoyed.
>"Oh, uhh, well bye!" they shouted shoving Misty and Ash
into a large hole behind them. "Enjoy!"
James: [Stands up, tears flowing from his eyes.] The pit trap worked!
Finally, after years of planning, it worked!
>The trio then ran off towards to the city very happily because
the hole plan had finally worked.
>
>That's chapter on.
All: [Voltron-style.] Chapter, turn on! [Nothing.]
R2: Damn, I thought it would work.
>
>You'll find out why it's listed as romace next time.
All: Ugh.
>
>* Maria *
>
>
>Ash hit the ground very hard.
Ryoga: Dammitt! I thought this wasn't a lemon! Now even the ground
is getting aroused!
>The fall down had been really long. Hearing groan, he new Misty
was
James: ...being a psycho-bitch elsewhere.
>beside him. He roll on to his side, to hurt to sit-up,
R2: [Begins twitching.]
S3: My head is pained.
>"I guess we should congratulate them, their hole trap finally
worked."
James: Yes! It worked! Woot!
>He said to Misty's hunched form.
S3: [As the Huntchback of Nortre Dame.] Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Sanctuary~!
>"yeah" she replied weakly and in pain. She still wasn't
moving.
All: She's dead! Yay!
>Ash forced himself to sit-up
Ryoga: [As Drill Instructor.] I want you to do 30 sit-ups! Now, you
pussy Pokemon trainer!
>, "Myst, are you alright?"
S3: Well, Myst was a good game, but...
>he asked sincerely worried. When she didn't answer except for a
small whimper
Ryoga: So... Misty is into the submissive... [WHAP!!] What the HELL?
S3 & R2: STOP making hentai remarks!
>he stood up and walked around to her front.
James: No! I don't WANT to see the twerps do it!
R2: Calm down! This ISN'T a lemon!
S3: I dunno, I've read worse.
Ryoga: Fanfics are a dark and lonely place...
>With this she scrunched up more, covering her right side with her
arm. "Ash I'm fine, just find
>a way out of here!" she yelled with as much strength as she
had.
>"No Misty your not fine,
Ryoga: [As Ash.] You're hot! Superfine! Shagadelic! [WHAP! Splut!
Slip! Whap! BLAAAAMMM!]
[If you're wondering what that was, it was this: S3 hits Ryoga into
the air. James uses his Wheasing to spit out some toxic sludge, which
Ryoga slips on. R2 backhands Ryoga with his Angel Arm, and then blasts
the guy with it.]
Ryoga: ...owie...
>now let me see you side!" Ash replied anxiously, it wasn't
like Misty to act all tough girl.
>If she was injured, even slightly, she complained constantly.
S3: [As Misty.] My finger is hurt!!! Waaaaahhh!
James: The scary thing is... she DOES sound like that.
>And that fall had hurt him, she had to be hurting really bad not
to make him fuss.
R2: So, Ash feels Misty's own pain?
>She still refused to move. Ash knelt down and forced her to lay
on her back.
All: Eww!
>"Ash, I'm fine," she cried, clutching her right side,
"Find a way out of here."
Ryoga: Despite her injury, she STILL finds the strength to boss this
Shinji-wannabe around.
All: [As Shinji.] I musn't run away... I musn't run away...
Shinji: [Over intercom.] SHUT UP!
>Ash ignored her protests, pulled her arm away from the side. It
revealed a large open gash.
S3: Open 24 hours a day!
James: [As a customer.] Damn! It's just B+ blood!
>It was still bleeding heavily. In the ground where she had landed,
a small yet sharp hand spade
>was half buried.
James: Two different thoughts, and two different sentance fragments.
>He gasped, "Oh of all times to be stuck with out Pokémon!"
Pulling off his vest,
All: AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NO LEMON!
>he wrapped the wound as best as he could.
>"Ash, I feel kind of tired,' Misty replied sleepily, her eyes
were drooping, and the color
>wasdraining from her features.
Ryoga: Eww... she's becoming a zombie...
R2: [As Zombie.] Brains... brains...
S3: [As another zombie.] Heck, even liver will do...
>"I think I'm going to take a nap." She shut her eyes.
>"NO!!" Ash slapped her across the faced, waking her up
sharply.
All: Wifebeater!
>"OW!"
>"Sorry Myst, You need to stay awake, or else,
S3: Yeah! We REALLY don't want that one-sided lemon to start!
>well lets not go there." He apologized hauling her onto his
back. He climbed out of the hole
>and laid her on the ground
All: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
>while he decided what to do. He made her recite anything she knew.
The alphabet, nursery rhymes,
Ryoga: The Karma Sutra. [WHAP!] Ow!
S3 & R2: STOP. IT.
>anything to keep her attention. All the while he thought what to
do.
>[Oh my god, how the hell
All: HE SWORE!
>am I going to get her back to town.] He stared at her creamy features,
Marvin: [Appears from a plot hole.] Watch it, Ash, you're treading
on thin ice there. [Dissapears again.]
R2: What the HELL? [To S3.] WHO the HELL was THAT?!?!?
S3: Remember Marvin? The dude we did the Co-MST with? That's him. I
think the fourth wall failed for a bit.
>her now loose red hair.
Ryoga: Asuka?
>[Great, Ketchum, of all the times to figure out your feelings is
when she's
James: [As Ash.] ...having 'that time of the month.'
>dy... no I'm going to get her back.] He hefted her into his arms
and started the trek, back the
>way they came.
S3: ...you mean lost?
>Misty babbling all the while. They only pause once or twice, so
ash could either get a better
>hold,
James: When I see that twerp again, I'm gonna kill him.
>or slap her awake again. After about 2 hour of walking Misty had
run out of stuff to say. So
>Ash was crooning songs he only half knew to keep her awake.
>"Umm how bout this one
All: [Singing.] Heeere we are! Born to be kings, we're the princes
of the universe!
S3: [Stands up and poses.] Now, individual favorites!
R2: [Punck-rocker-type singing.] Give me fuel, give me fire, give me
that which I desire!
Ryoga: [Singing, deep-voiced.] If I go crazy will you still call me
superman? If I'm alive and well, will you be there a-holding my hand?
I'll keep you there by my side, with my super human, my Kryptonite!
[Is cut off by the others.] Ok...
James: [Singing, rather fruity.] Prepare for trouble! [WHAP!] Ow!
S3: [BAD singing.] Somewhere they're speaking, it's already coming in.
All of it's rising in the back of your mind. You never could get it,
unless you were fed it. And now you're here, and you don't know why...
But under skinned knees and skidmarks, past the places where you used
to learn. You howl and listen, listen and wait for the echos of angels
who won't return.
All: [Singing with S3.] He's everything you want, he's everything you
need. He's everything inside of you that you wish that you could be.
He says all the right things, at exactly the right time. But he means
nothing to you and you don't know why...
S3: [Stands up and bows.] That was for you, Sanzo-chan.
>We were strangers starting out on journey.
All: ?
>Never dreaming what we'd have to go through.
>But here we are,
>And I'm suddenly standing,
>At the beginning with you.
All: [Singing.] Stuck in the middle with you...
R2: Here I am!
All: [Singing.] Stuck in the middle with you...
>No one told me I was going to find you.
James: [As Ash.] Well, except for that Johnny Smith guy, but he's
a crackpot.
>Unexpected what you did to my heart.
R2: [As Ash.] I mean, ripping it out of my chest and baking it at
360 for 10 minutes was bad, but to re-insert itself inside me was harsh!
>But when I lost hope,
>You were there to remind me,
James: [As Ash.] That I was a dumbass. Thanks.
>This is the start."
All: Nooo! The fic is winding back to the beginning! Arrgh!
>In the distance the town could finally be seen.
S3: ...which means that they're at least 50 miles off.
R2: Misty's gonna die...
>]]]]]
James: What's with all the author's notes?
S3: [Shrugs.] Wasn't me.
>hey what's up long time no talk.
Ryoga: [As a guy from Brooklyn.] Yo, ah, I was wonderin' if, uh, we
could go halves on a pie.
S3: That's it, no more 'Comedy Central Presents' for you.
>I don't own the song. It's from Anastasia.
James: Ana-who?
S3: I'm not going to ask how a non-Disney animated movie got in Japan...
>Doesn't fit this perfectly?
All: No!
>See Ya Maria
All: Good riddance!
>
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S3 had called his entire crew up to the Bridge on the P.M.S. Mblow0t5
for an importand discussion: They had been contacted by the MST Syndicate...
sorta.
R2 sat back in his cahir, and then stood up, "I don't want a part
of this. I'm leaving." With that, R2 went into the Character Recaller
to go home.
James, who was following R2, explained, "As facinating as this
is, this doesn't matter to me." As the two began to vanish, James
cried out, "Team Rocket's blasting off again!!!!"
R2 smacked him upside the head, "Shutup..."
Ignoring them, S3 turned back to Shinji, Asuka, Brandon, Ai, Ryoga,
Duo and Chau to brief them about the current situation.
"So..." Brandon asked, "What is this all about?"
S3 activated a main viewscreen. On the screen was an ugly website, with
lots of links and a bad background.
Duo immediately said, "This site sucks ass."
Chau immediately nodded her head, "Yeah, I gotta agree there. The
site looks like yours, S3."
Ai shook her head, "No. I think this is worse. At least S3 has
the common sence to make the site color-coordinated."
Shinji merely sat there as Asuka began ranting on how the website needed
more content, more style, and even more funny.
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After several hours, all were agreed: The site was a good idea, but
horrible in execution. To tell the MST Syndicate this, S3 decided to
write a declaration of their independance from the syndicate.
S3 stood in front of the group, "All right. The paper is done.
I'll go ahead and read this out for you...
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"When, in the course of fictional events,
it becomes necessary
for a person to point out how incredibly stupid something is, one must
take that as his duty to point that stuff out, or something like that.
Here is our list of grievances against the MST Syndicate:
"The MST Syndicate is a pretty stupid name to begin with. I
mean, what the hell? Why is it a Syndicate? They don't publish
anything. This isn't some sort of cyberpunk future. Nobody's making
runs on you guys. Seriously, what the hell is up with that name?
"Also, your webpage really sucks. I mean, come on. It's like
Lycos took a crap on it, with ugly pages and bad links, and a horrible
form of site navigation. Why the hell can't you just make a freakin'
page with the stuff that's vital for the MST Syndicate? Like, some
sort of plan or something? You guys have a remarkable lack of substance
at that site.
"Of course, it's not like there's much you could put on there for
substance. I mean, you have no plan of how you expect to be a
intermediate force between the webmasters and the authors, other than
that this will 'keep the MSTing fun'. The amount of thought put into
this is pretty indicative of how it's just a knee-jerk reaction to the
ff.net policy against MSTs. The only things the MST syndicate has
produced since its inception is idiotic polls and so-so MSTs.
"Which of course bring up your membership. Most of the MSTers
there, pardon my French, suck ass like an ass-sucking machine made out
of black holes. Some of the MSTers are decent, but it looks like you
stole them from TMFFA.com If I were a webmaster, and I saw that these
folks were mobilizing or unionizing or whatever the hell you people
are trying to do with this, I would ban MSTs in half a second, because
getting rid of you guys would bring up the humor quotient of my
archive at least twenty percent. I mean, most of those MSTs are actually
negatively funny. Which is probably a result of some sort of delusion
you people have that MSTers have any power at all.
"A prevalent example of this is the following quote from the
leader of the MST Syndicate: 'HEY DUMBA**!!! You
gotta cover your
tracks a LOT better than that!!! NOW YOU FACE THE WRATH OF A MSTER,
AND
YOU BETTER F*****' BELIEVE I'M GONNA DESTROY YOUR FICS, A**HOLE! DON'T
EVER MESS WITH ME AGAIN, YOU F**STICK!!' Now, while the author
does a
commendable job at the 'using the word f***' part of that quote, it's
really pretty sad for the most part. Seriously...'you face the wrath
of a MSTer'? Are you really so deluded as to think that this means
anything? Seriously, the goal of a MSTer should be to make people
laugh, and as near as I can tell, the MST Syndicate wants no part of
that goal.
"That is why, with this petition, we are not only announcing our
desire to stay the hell away from the pulsating ball of stupid that
is
the MST Syndicate, but also our desire to encourage any MSTers with
an
ounce of funny in their bones to stay the hell away from the MST
Syndicate. And if you're a member of the MST Syndicate, I advise you
leave, at least until they get their act together and actually figure
out exactly what the hell they want to be or do.
"Sincerely,
"S3, the Demon Godling
"Brandon Masters
"Ai Seki
"Duo Maxwell
"Chau Maxwell
"Asuka Ikari
"Shinj Ikari
"Ryoga Hibiki
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There was a 30-second pause as everyone glared at S3. He fidgeted as
he glanced around.
"What?"
"You stole that from the H.M.S. Zap Rowsdower!" Ai accused,
pointing a finger at S3.
Duo stood up, "Yeah! That makes two things you've stolen! First
Haruna from Cav and Dosher, now this from Cyrus!"
Brandon looked at the letter, "Um... You've also crossed out the
crew from the H.M.S. Zap Rowsdower and scribbled in things for us!"
S3 grabbed the letter from Brandon and shouted, "Look! A big distracting
thing!" and ran out of the room, throwing the letter into the mail
box.
-END VIDEO FEED-
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What do you guys think? I hope this wasn't TOO bad... Anyway, Later!
S3
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Credits:
Cast credits:
Ryoga Hibiki as Himself
Asuka Ikari as Herself
Shinji Ikari as Himself
Brandon Masters as Himself
Chau Maxwell as Herself
Duo Maxwell as Himself
S3 as Himself
Ai Seki as Herself
Guest stars:
James as himself
Ragnarok2 as Himself
Original fic by:
Maria
Script by:
Shinji Ikari, Ai Seki and Ragnarok2
Plot by:
S3, the Demon Godling, Duo Maxwell and Ragnarok2
Co-Producers:
Brandon Masters and Ryoga Hibiki
Director:
Ai Seki
Stunts:
All stunts are done by the actors themselves.
Set Design:
Gene Roddenberry and Joel Robinson
Cameraman:
Gene Starwind
Best Boy:
Fuzzy Skinner
Cool music listened to while writing
by:
Mblow0t5
Special thanks to:
-The creators of MST3K
-The authors of the first amendment
-Mblow0t5
-Sophie, who asked me out to TOLO
-Heather
-Mrs. Smith
Copyright:
-P.M.S. Mblow0t5, copyright 2003, all rights to original things reserved
to S3, the Demon Godling.
-Mblow0t5 owns herself, and I thank her for letting me use her name
here.
Stinger Clip:
"All of a sudden Team Rocket burst through the trees. They yelled
their stupid Motto.
BLAH
BLAH
BLAH
(don't feel like typing it)