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The Voyages of the P.M.S. Mblow0t5 #3005 - Kasumi the Innocent!

My god... this is just... I can't...
They must pay...

Kasumi the Innocent, by some stupid moronic lemon writer who will burn in the Home For Infinite Losers.

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S3's Random Ramble: All right, now I’m gonna be the first to admit that this isn’t my best MST at all. The plot is here to make up for the last episode, though. So, the two cancel each other out. Also, this fic begins my tirade against crappy S-Is. Ugh.

‘/’ is for the translation of the Japanese language.

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[Cheesy theme music starts up.]

S3: Uh-oh.

In the not to distant future,
2006 AD.
There once was an avatar,
about the same as you or me.
Tortured by a teacher by the name of Pearl,
an evil gal who wants to rule the world.
She threw S3 into space,
and is intent on torturing him until he goes insane!

S3: Hey! That doesn’t rhyme!!!!

Pearl: I’ll send them crappy fanfics!
The worst I can find!

All: Lalala!

He’ll have to sit and read them all,
and I’ll monitor his mind.

All: Lalala!

Now, keep in mind he can’t control,
when the fics begin and end.

S3: I wish.

He’ll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his made-up friends!

MSTer roll call:
Ryoga! (WHERE AM I?!?!)
Kasumi! (/This is ‘Mugen Tenshin Style!’/)
S3eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (I’m the freakin’ author here!)

If you’re wondering what he likes and hates,
and other personal facts.

S3: WHAT?

Just keep in mind,
This is the internet!
You ain’t getting a hold of it!
Oh, the voyages of the Mblow0t5!

Squeaky!

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On the P.M.S. Mblow0t5, S3 was relaxing. The last MST hadn’t been all that hard, if you didn’t count all the blood. Duo and Chau, however, had sworn off their theater in the DS9 section of this awkward station for good. S3 introduced Ryoga to the world of Halo. Right now, the two are in the middle of a Co-operative level. The difficulty? Hard.

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Somewhere on the planet Halo, some Covenant troops relaxed. It appeared that those Terran scum were all about eradicated, and even though some new threat has just appeared, that was far enough away that it wasn’t a problem. Some Covenant grunts slept under the shade of a tree, snoozing slightly. The Covenant elite merely stood about in the nearby field and talked a bit. The single Covenant bruiser patrolled the area; it’s own mega-cannon charged and ready to fire at any intruders. Little did they know, two men in similar space suits, one orange, the other gray, were spying on them.

The man in black surveyed the area with the scope of his sniper rifle. He glanced at the gray one, and made several hand-motions. The gray one nodded, and snuck off. He charged forward into the nearby clearing, machine gun blazing. Behind the gray Master Chief, the black variation hid up in the hills, sniper rifle steadily picking off the Covenant trying to gang up on the gray one.

The gray one turned around just in time to see another trooper fall down, a bullet in it’s head. His intercom crackled, “Careful Ryoga. I just saved your butt again.”

Ryoga laughed, “That’s, what, nine you still owe me S3?”

S3 groaned, “So sue me. I’m a lot better at long-range combat." S3 paused as he took down another trooper coming up behind Ryoga, "Make that eight I owe you.”

As S3 and Ryoga began to finish off the few remaining soldiers, there was a loud rumbling sound behind them. Mainly behind S3. Turning around, S3 found what made that sound – the Covenant bruiser was charging up from behind. S3 was faced with 2 choices: stay and try to fight the giant and die, or jump out of the cover he was in and be a perfect shot for the alien. Taking the easier path, S3 leapt out of his sniping nest.

“Ryoga!” shouted S3, who was tumbling down the hill, “Use the rocket launcher!”

Ryoga whirled, rocket launcher ready in an instant. Within seconds, the giant alien burst out from where S3 had been. Aiming for the weak spot in the alien’s armor, he pulled the trigger. The alien went up in a large flaming explosion, falling to the ground. S3 stood up and brushed himself off.

“I coulda taken him…” pouted S3 as he put away the rifle, only to pull out another gun, “My shotgun woulda worked.”

Ryoga laughed as he re-equipped his machine gun. As the two friends walked away, the flaming Covenant bruiser slowly stood up again. The alien once again started forward, charging up the mega cannon it carried.

S3 stopped in place, grabbing Ryoga’s arm, “Wait. Something’s not right.”

Ryoga looked down at S3’s hand and muttered, “Damn straight. I don’t like you that way.”

At that, as if on cue [Ha!], an explosion threw the two of them forward. The two of them landed awkwardly, S3’s sniper rifle knocked away. Ryoga lost his machine gun as well. Another blast came at them, and they practically leapt off the ground to avoid it. S3 charged forward, shotgun at the ready, a battle cry slipping from his lips.

“S3! Don’t do it!” Ryoga shouted, arming the rocket launcher, “I’ll just blast him again!”

S3 used his free hand to punch the thing off balance, and rammed the shotgun under the monster’s chin.

“Sorry... nothing personal.”
S3 laughed as he pulled the trigger, turning the alien’s brains into chunky salsa, “Groovy.” He turned to Ryoga and winked as he wiped off the orange blood on his suit’s visor, “I needed to do that. Video games always help me vent my frustration.”

Ryoga sighed, “I don’t wanna know what you’re venting this time.”

“Nothing bad this time. Just some… stuff… involving my love life.” S3 laughed. Ryoga raised an eyebrow as S3 coughed and continued, “Well… uh… at school-"

Ryoga looked over the surrounding area for threats and grinned, “You STILL go to school? I thought being in orbit would stop that from happening…”

S3 shook his head, “You mean you haven’t noticed that I’m gone on weekdays, 8 am-2:30 pm? Anyway… In my French class, there are a couple of gals who seem to like me – both gave me their phone numbers. One even asked me to TOLO, the Valentine’s Day girl-ask-guy dance.”

Ryoga’s eyes bulged slightly as he began laughing, “YOU!?!? Since when are YOU considered a ladies’ man?” there was a pause, “You SURE you’re not a Self-Insert?”

“I just don’t know… Anyway, then there are a few other gals that like me… and… I just don’t entirely know what to make of it all…” there was a pause as S3 picked his sniper rifle up again, “Just wanted to veg for a bit.”

Ryoga laughed again, “I understand you there.” Looking up, he continued, “Computer, save game and end program.”

The entire world around S3 and Ryoga vanished, only to be replaced by a black room, with a yellow grid over the walls. It was a holodeck, straight from Star Trek: The Next Generation. There was a loud alarm sounding – the Yellow Alert, renamed the Oh Crap sign. Pearl had a fanfic for them.

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On the bridge of the P.M.S. Mblow0t5, Pearl’s face was already on the monitor when both Ryoga and S3 arrived. She smiled angrily at them, “Hello… Glad you could meet me today.”

S3 sighed as he plopped down in the captain’s chair, “What fic do we have today?”

Pearl laughed sinisterly, “I’ve done some research. As it turns out, one of your favorite video games is Dead or Alive 2: Hardcore, and another is Dead or Alive 3. Using this data, I was able to find out that your favorite character from these two games is Kasumi.”

S3 paled visibly, “No…”

“Anyway, I’ve found a fic that will probably break you. It’s a lemon from that game series. It’s called Kasumi the innocent. I hope you gag and die.” Pearl finished as she pressed a small button on her desk at which she sat. “You have fanfic sign, loser.”

S3 and Ryoga trudged over to the turbolift that would take them down to the theater. As he passed the Character Recaller, S3 hit three random buttons on the keypad. Smoke poured out of the machine as it pulled another anime character from their own reality to help MST. As the smoke cleared, a 18-ish year old gal appeared, her acorn-colored hair flowing down her body to the middle of her back. She was also wearing a form of ninjitsu outfit, blue colored. S3’s mouth dropped open.

Ryoga, observing S3’s inability to talk, introduced himself, “Hi. I’m Ryoga Hibiki, martial arts expert extraordinaire!” he bowed slightly, as if to prove that he was Ryoga.

“Gomen nasai…” the babe whispered, eyes shifting about slightly.

Ryoga laughed, “Oh1 No ability to speak English!” Ryoga looked about, “I think S3 gave us a universal translator somewhere… Ah! Here.” Ryoga handed Kasumi a small gold necklace with what looked like a tuning fork on it. He then put it on for her.

/And what is this supposed to do?/ the babe asked again, then stopped. /I can…/

“…speak English? Of course! One of a friend’s inventions: the universal translator. It can take one language and turn it into something else.” Ryoga pointed to the tuning fork-like thing. “Once again, my name is Ryoga Hibiki. And you?”

/Kasumi./ the babe bowed, /Um… why am I here, and why is he…/ she pointed to S3, /standing there and gaping at me like I’m a starving man’s last meal?/

Ryoga slapped S3 upside the head and replied, “Don’t mind him. He’s harmless.” There was a pause as a LOUD alarm went off. Red lights flashed as well. Red Alert, which was now renamed Fanfic Sign. Ryoga pointed to some doors in the back of the room, “We need to go back there, ma’am. We’ve got fanfic sign.”

/So…/ Kasumi said as the three of them walked over to the doors, /What are we going to do?/

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Door 7: A picture of the ship’s namesake! Star LaBranche!

Kasumi: /She’s cute. Girlfriend?/
S3: Naah. She lives on the other side of the USA.

Door 6: A door made of Atari Jaguars. There’s NO WAY around them. S3 plants some nearby C-4 on the door, and it goes off. You slip on through.

Kasumi: /Isn’t that…/
S3: Overkill? Nope. There’s at least 300,000,000,000 more.

Door 5: It’s a Pokeball! It opens up, and you’re spit out.

Ash: Hey! I own you!
Ryoga: No, you don’t! [Dashes off.]

Door 4: It’s a manhole. You climb up and out.
Door 3: A black hole. You can guess the result.

S3: Whee!

Door 2: A door from Metal Gear Solid. You use keycard 9 to open the door and enter.

Random guard #4: What was that noise?

Door 1: A traditional theater door. You slide out and it locks behind you.

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>Disclaimer: Anything DOA is not mine.

Kasumi: [Sighs gratefully.] /Thank god./
S3: He’d BETTER not own it.

>The other characters are mine…blah, blah, blah.

Ryoga: Um… that means that he bought the other characters, right?

>
>WARNING: This is a rape story,

All: NO!
Kasumi: [Shudders slightly and sinks into her seat.]
S3: [Puts his arm around her.] There, there.

>no fluffiness, nothing.

S3: Crap.

>If you think you will be offended by reading about Kasumi being rape,

Kasumi: [Breaks out into tears.] /Nooo!/
Ryoga: Uh, oh. Shampoo’s writing a lemon.

>don’t read it. 17 and up please.

S3: Well, I’m only 16, so I’m off! [Tries to open the theater door.] Crap, it’s locked.
Kasumi: [Sobs.] /I’m 18…/

>
>Summary: This is just something I pulled out of my ass one day.

S3: [Grins.] Well, that makes sense.
Kasumi: [Laughs.]

>I got the idea originally from seeing a few hentai pics of kasumi.

S3: [Looks over at Kasumi. Shakes his head.] Naah. I prefer her fifth costume.
Ryoga: Eh?
S3: School uniform.
Kasumi: [Blushes slightly. Bows and turns off the translator.] Arigato, S3-san. [Flips the translator on again.]

>They go very well with the story, give you a nice visual.

Ryoga: Ugh.

>
>This is the main picture it was taken off of…(Deleted for MY reasons. I don’t want you going
>there from MY site.)

Kasumi: /Oh my!/

>
>And these are two other ones…(Same reasoning here.), and (Ditto.).

S3: It’s a good thing Duo isn’t here. My internet bills would skyrocket…

>
>These pictures are from The Hentai Shrines at…(Nope. You ain’t getting that either.)

Kasumi: /Oh my!/ [Blushes.]

>
>I would use links but I can’t figure out how to do that for fan fiction.(

All: Good.

>
>Have fun!

Kasumi: /No, I don’t think I will./

>Please R&R.

S3: Ugh. You want reviews for a lemon rape fic?

>Kasumi the Innocent

Kasumi: /If I’m so innocent, then how am I in here?/

>
>Kasumi was walking home from being out with the girls.

S3: I ain’t saying nothing.
Kasumi: [Lowers her sword.] /Good./

>She walked up to her door fiddling around trying to find her keys in her purse. She heard a
>sound behind her.

S3: RUN KASUMI-CHAN!
Kasumi: /But… I’m right here./
S3: Exactly. Go. NOW.
Ryoga: Door’s locked.
S3 & Kasumi: Crap.

>She turned quickly, immediately in fighting stance.

Kasumi: /Well, at least I’m in character./

>“Who’s there?!” The only thing that answered her was the warm night breeze around her. After
>a minute of silence, she was satisfied and unlocked the door.

Ryoga: Crap.
S3: No.
Kasumi: /That can’t be good./

>Just as she was closing it someone stuck their foot in the door.

Kasumi: /Noooo!/ [Sobs.]

>She desperately tried to close it but the person on the other side was too strong.

S3: Too STRONG? Who is this guy? Tengu?
Kasumi: /…even HE was easy to beat./

>The person violently pushed the door hard enough to knock Kasumi on the floor.

Ryoga: Um… no. This is wrong.

>A tall man walked in.

S3: Welcome the S-I like we normally do.
Ryoga: BOOOOO!!!
Kasumi: /LEAVE me alone you jerk!/

>He was clean-shaven,

Ryoga: [Looks suspiciously at S3.]

>well built, and very attractive looking.

Ryoga: Naah. Not him.

>His looks stunned her for a second.

Kasumi: /But… he’s so… UGLY!/

>She jumped up and tried to lunge at him but he was too quick and strong for her.

S3: But… Kasumi is the FASTEST and second strongest in Dead or Alive 2!
Ryoga: Who the HELL is this guy? Tengu?

>
>He shoved her against the door, slamming it shut.

Ryoga: [As Bob from Reboot.] This is bad, very bad.

>“Ouch! Let me go you stupid fuck!” she yelled.

Kasumi: /And now…/
S3: You’re OOC.

>He grabbed her small wrists and slammed them together above her head so she couldn’t get
>away.

Kasumi: [Turns to S3.] /Here. You do that. Try to restrain me./
S3: [Tries to restrain her like in the fic. Kasumi EASILY flips him and almost breaks his arm.]
Kasumi: /See? MORE then capable of taking care of myself./
S3: Ow…

>He laughed under his breath.

Ryoga: Phew! Onion and Garlic sandwiches!

>“Whatever, your mine now.”

All: ARGH!

>He said with a smile. She was wearing a short tight black spaghetti strap dress.

S3: [Drools slightly. Shakes his head.] NO. This is a disgusting fic. I WON’T like Kasumi’s choice of dress.

>

[I am NOT going to publish the actual rape. I am NOT perverted enough to even CONSIDER doing that. Insert cries of disgust from the MSTers here.]

Ryoga: Now there are two more guys! Good god, no!
Kasumi: [Curls up into a fetal position, crying.]
S3: [Comforts her.] There, there. It’ll be over soon.

[Insert MORE cries of disgust.]

>He picked her up and put her in the bathroom where there were no windows.

Kasumi: /I don’t feel so good…/

>He handcuffed her wrists and ankles and ball gagged her.

Ryoga: He’d BETTER have used a sock.

>She cried through the gag.

S3: [SERIOUSLY angry.] NO CRAP.

>He slapped her face, getting a sick pleasure out of seeing her like this.

Kasumi: [Sneering through tears.] /You will DIE./

>He walked out slamming the door. He locked it and put a chair under the doorknob.

Ryoga: Too bad the door opens to the inside.

>He went to every window and shut the blinds. He locked very door.

S3: Kasumi?
Kasumi: /Yes?/
S3: Is there a ‘very’ door in your home?
Kasumi: /I… I don’t think so./

>
>They all got dressed and checked the fridge for food. To their satisfaction they came upon a few
>cases of beer

Kasumi: /But I’m 18. What would I be doing with that?/

>and a couple of bags of chips. They brought it all into the living room

S3: …and choked to death on the chips.
Kasumi: [Giggles.]

>and turned on the TV, satisfied with their accomplishment.

Ryoga: Big man, aren’t you? Rape a semi-defenseless woman.
Kasumi: [Leaps up, about to kill Ryoga.] Nani?!?!
S3: [Restrains her.] Ssh… He didn’t mean it, Kasumi-chan.

>
>TBC…if people want.

S3: WHAT?
Kasumi: …[Snarls slightly.] /This may be against my character, but I think we should KILL THIS AUTHOR NOW./

>

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Door 1: A traditional theater door. You slide out and it locks behind you.
Door 2: A door from Metal Gear Solid. You open the door, knock out the first guard and RUN.

Random guard #2: Hey!

Door 3: A black hole. You can guess the result.

S3: Whee!

Door 4: It’s a manhole. You climb up and out.
Door 5: It’s a Pokeball! It opens up, and you’re spit out.

Ash: Hey! I own you!
Ryoga: No, you don’t! [Dashes off.]

Door 6: A door made of Atari Jaguars. There’s NO WAY around them. S3 plants some nearby C-4 on the door, and it goes off. You slip on through.
Door 7: A picture of the ship’s namesake! Star LaBranche!

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Back in Kasumi’s apartment, Mike (one of the guys who raped Kasumi), Steve and Paul (Mike’s friends, who were also involved) laughed slightly.

“That was some catch Mike.” Steve grinned as he drank another beer, “Great girl.”

Before Mike could say anything concerning Kasumi, the front door exploded. From the resulting smoke emerged two people. One was the girl they captured, Kasumi. The other was a taller guy, slightly chubby, with brown hair and an angry, evil disposition. Of course, the fact that his eyes seemed to be glowing red didn’t help that. He was, of course, wearing a long black trench coat, which billowed about him. A third guy emerged from the linen closet shouting, “WHERE AM I NOW?”

Paul tried to run away, into the bathroom. Unfortunately, he was a little too inebriated to run, and wound up smacking right into the third guy – who held him there with a simple grip. He was about to break the guy’s neck, but the taller evil one commanded, “No, Ryoga. No mercy for him. Keep him here, for now.” Ryoga did as he was told.

Kasumi turned to the tall guy beside her, /S3-sama, please let me take care of one of them!/ She grabbed his arm, /PLEASE?/

S3 grinned, “Sure. What one do you want?”

Kasumi paced about slightly, /Hmm… Well, I wouldn’t mind that freak Steve. Can I kill that one?/

“Sure.” S3 stepped up to Mike as he said that, “Mike. You are hereby charged with Breaking & Entering, Assault, Rape, and Kidnapping.”

“You have no evidence on us!” Mike cried as he began to edge his way to a window, “And besides, this is MY house!”

/Nice try,/ Kasumi sneered, /MY house, NOT yours./

Mike swallowed, hard. He nearly fainted as he saw S3 pull a small gun out from deep within the jacket. It was a plasma pistol from Halo. “Your defense is dismissed. Again, how do you plea?”

Mike dropped to his knees, “PLEASE! Don’t kill me!”

“I take that as a ‘guilty.’” S3 pointed the pistol’s tip at Mike’s head “For Breaking & Entering: guilty. For Assault: guilty. For Kidnapping: guilty. For Rape: guilty as charged. The penalty for such heinous crimes against my favorite female video game character: Death.” S3 pulled the trigger. Mike looked away, ready to die.

Nothing. Mike looked up, and saw a green glow emanating from the tip of the gun.

S3 sneered, “Punishment,” he released the trigger, “is delivered.”

Mike’s limp body fell to the floor. Meanwhile, Paul was busy trying to work out how his head had gotten pushed through three walls, while his body was back in the living room. Trust me. You don’t want to know. Steve, however, had suffered a nicer fate, if there is one. Kasumi had merely snapped his neck, leaving his body to sit there.

S3 surveyed the carnage with a grim smirk on his face, “I suppose we’ve done well here, people. Shall we go home?”
Everyone nodded. With that S3 said, “Computer: End program.”

Once again, everything vanished, only to be replaced with a 10 foot by 10 foot room, black walls, with a grid covering the walls made using yellow paint. A holodeck.

Kasumi sighed and stretched slightly, /I feel better now. Thank you for letting me take out my stress on those perverts. Even if they were fake versions of them./

As Kasumi left to go back into the Character Recaller and go home, S3 turned to Ryoga and said, “Do you think we could get revenge on the ACTUAL self-inserts? Maybe hack into another MST team’s way of execution?”

Ryoga gasped, “You don’t mean… Haruna?”

S3 nodded.

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Somewhere on the 4th deck of the Mblow0t5, a door was opening for the first time. It was a door that led into a pocket dimension that contained the only thing to actually get lucky with Tenchi from Tenchi Muyo: Haruna, the tree whore. The three S-Is from today’s fanfic were bound and gagged, lying on the floor. S3 stood to the left of the door, with a scroll unfurled in front of him. Ryoga stood behind the perverts, ready to throw them inside.

S3 cleared his throat, “Mike, Steve, and Paul. You are Self-Inserts in a bad lemon. As punishment, you are sentenced to an eternity with Haruna, the tree whore from Tenchi. Your cellmates are S-Is from other fics: Sachiko, who is half fish; Henrii Lok, who has a hangover-colored power armor and married Mihoshi; and Tarot, a ‘cool’ guy who has horrible scars and lives his life off tarot cards and fell in love with Washu.”

After the three Self-Inserts were thrown through the narrow doorway, Ryoga simply waved goodbye.

“Henrii like new friend!” came one voice.

“Ryoko! Help me!!!!! I’ll do ANYTHING for you! It’s me, Sachiko!”

“But I’m Tarot!” after that, a female back-up group came out of nowhere and sang out, “TAROT!”

A vague soft and eerie sound came from the tree, “Love me... feel bad for me... don't you feel bad for me...”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” came the triple-cries of the three Self-Inserts as the door closed, sealing them inside.

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On the Bridge, Ryoga and S3 were playing a relaxing game of Halo Co-operative, having transferred their save file to the X-box up there. S3 sat in the rather large Laz-E-boy chair that was in the center of the room. Of course, that was the captain’s chair. Ryoga, however, was made to sit in the navigator’s chair. Due to lack of supplies, that chair was one of those hard, cold fold-up chairs that cost only a buck. Ryoga paused the game, just before S3 could deliver the final punch to one of the purple Covenant Elite.

“What gives?” S3 asked in annoyance.

Ryoga turned to S3 and asked, “Was that a little too much?” When he saw S3’s confused face, he clarified, “I mean with the Self-Inserts. Didn’t you just go a bit too far? Isn’t Haruna too much?”

S3 looked at Ryoga, “Well, I care for Kasumi (the Shinobi ninja) like you care for Ranma, Nabiki, Kasumi (the Tendo), or even Akane. My reaction was actually LESS than what yours would be. Heh.”

Ryoga nodded, then looked confused, “Um… one last thing… How did you hack into Haruna’s macro-dimension? Isn’t that owned by Cavis and Davner?”

S3 looked a little nervous, “Well, actually, I haven’t asked for their permission to borrow her yet… Personally, I hope that they don’t feel angry…”

Ryoga grinned and unpaused the game. “I REALLY don’t understand what makes that ‘Legendary’ mode of Halo so hard. It’s actually rather easy…”

S3 nodded, “Yeah, the same feeling here…”

-END VIDEO FEED-

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Credits:

Cast credits:
Duo Maxwell as Himself
Chau Maxwell as Herself
S3 as Himself
Brandon Masters as Himself
Ai Seki as Herself
Ryoga Hibiki as Himself
Shinji Ikari as Himself
Asuka Ikari as Herself

Guest star:
Kasumi as herself

Original fic by:
Some stupid moronic lemon writer who will burn in the Home For Infinite Losers.

Script by:
S3, the Demon Godling, Ai Seki and Shinji Ikari

Plot by:
S3, the Demon Godling and Duo Maxwell

Co-Producers:
Asuka Ikari and Ryoga Hibiki

Director:
S3, the Demon Godling

Stunts:
All stunts are done by the actors themselves.

Set Design:
Gene Roddenberry and Joel Robinson

Cameraman:
Gene Starwind

Best Boy:
Fuzzy Skinner

Cool music listened to while writing by:
Mblow0t5

Special thanks to:
-The creators of MST3K
-The authors of the first amendment
-Mblow0t5
-Sophie, who asked me out to TOLO
-Audrey
-Heather
-Rumaisa
-Nick Barrett

Copyright:
-P.M.S. Mblow0t5, copyright 2003, all rights to original things reserved to S3, the Demon Godling.
-Mblow0t5 owns herself, and I thank her for letting me use her name here.

Stinger Clip:
“He went to every window and shut the blinds. He locked very door.”

Email: Branjms@yahoo.com