‘I want to have a Tentacle Enema,’ by Icarus Flatsab.
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Brandon cowered in the corner of his metal cell. His torturers had been ruthless with him. The worst bit? They were doing it for FUN! He heard footsteps coming his way.

“No…” Brandon sobbed slightly.

There were several loud slicing sounds, then silence. The door opened. Instead of the normal goons, a woman stood there. A rather familiar woman.

“…Ai…?” the tortured man asked, happy and afraid at the same time.

The woman grunted, “Close, but no. Name’s Mian.” Mian paused and turned to the left, “AI! YOUR BOYFRIEND’S HERE!”

Ai walked up, scowling, “Fiancé. He’s my fiancé.” Her eyes locked onto Brandon, and a tear rolled down her cheek. “…Brandon?”

The two lovers ran to one another, and met just outside the cell door. The two were racked with tears as they embraced. Mian stood there for a few seconds, tapping her foot impatiently. After Brandon and Ai decided to get up off the floor, Mian dragged them off to the exit.

“Come on!” Mian shouted, “The alarm’s gonna sound!”

As if on cue (which it was…), the major alarm in the complex went off. Guards began to flow out of the surrounding rooms. They were surrounded.

Ai gulped, “Not good…”

“Just watch.” grinned Brandon. He relaxed; grabbed Ai’s hand, and the two vanished from view. “Very cool, no? I LOVE this gland!”

Mian unsheathed her sword, and faded from view as well.

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Meanwhile, in the little town of Richland…

S3 grinned. He had to get the recipe for that peanut butter fudge from evilrabbit! Other then that, things were quite dull. Ryoga had spent a day or two in the bathroom, only to wind up in Duo and Chau’s bedroom… at an inopportune time. Shinji was gone on another vacation with Asuka – this one for only 5 days. He would be back soon. At that moment, the front door burst open – revealing Ai, Mian, and… Brandon. Both of his characters seemed unscarred, but Mian was hurt a bit.

“They’re home!” S3 shouted, hopping up to meet them. His first concern was Main, “You’re hurt!”

Mian only grunted, “Yeah… I have a medium-sized fire ax in my back. That would tend to put a crimp on anybody’s day.” She smiled grimly as she tore the ax out of her back, “It’s cool. I’m an android, so no worry. Now… about my money…”

S3 tossed her a check made out for the written amount, “Here.”

Ai looked at him, “HOW did you…”

S3 smirked slightly, “One of the perks of being an avatar is an unlimited bank account, and a bad-ass computer!”
Duo and Chau entered the room, grins on their faces. “MOM! DAD!” Chau cried out, “You’re OK! Bud, YOU need a shave.”

Duo slapped Brandon on the back and winked, “Those idiots couldn’t keep you down, could they?”

There was much laughter and rejoicing for a bit, but S3 had to butt in. “I’m sorry, but Brandon and Ai need time alone together, so I have a fic for you to MST.”

Ryoga, who had joined earlier, pouted, “But Shinji isn’t here yet…”

At that moment, Shinji waltzed into the room.

“Damn.”

S3 pointed to the theater, “GO!”

Reluctantly, Shinji, Duo, Ryoga and Chau entered the theater.

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Order (if anybody cares…): Shinji, Chau, Duo, Ryoga, and S3 in the control room.

Shinji: Brandon’s back!
Chau: Yep! It’s nice to have my dad back home. ^_^

>I Want to Have a Tentacle Enema

Duo: 9.9 …my dream anime…
Chau: Personally, I’d rather be forced to watch Sailor Moon…
Shinji: Remind me again why this is such a great reward…
Ryoga: Yeah… I thought tentacle fics… ala ‘The Overfiend’… were some of the worst ever.
S3: You’ll see. Trust me.
All: Why do we not believe you?

> by Icarus Flatslab

Ryoga: Kid Icarus?

>
>DISCLAIMER:
>I don't care what you all think,

Chau: THAT’S a first.

>because I'm right, and you're wrong?

All: Uh… no.

>I can write about heinous rape and violence towards women because I can't get any!

Shinji: Sounds like someone’s got some problems…

>Well, that and I enjoy striking back at women for tha abuse they have given me...

Duo: you know, given S3’s track record with women, this could have been written by him.
S3: EXCUSE ME? I am APPALLED at the idea! Personally, I wouldn’t write a tentacle fic. THAT, and I could easily write a better lemon then ANY OF THESE! Oh, before I forget, go check out Nurse Joy’s lemons! Those are THE BEST lemons of FF.N. I swear; they actually make sense! AND they have a plot!

>the rejection... and the mean way my mommy spanked my bum when I started wearing
>her bra...

All: O.O

>oops.
>Basically, get out if you aren't going to bow down to my superior will and recognize
>that anything you say will be promptly dissected by my extreme intelligence, and
>masterful crafting of the vernacular and formal languages, you should travel far, far
>away from this story.

Shinji: Well, I’d rather kill the author using my EVA.
Duo: Deathscythe Hell Custom.
Ryoga: The technique ‘Shi-Shi Hokodan.’
Chau: JUST CHOP OFF HIS BLOODY HEAD!

>Because even though what I will write in this story will certainly make you nauseous, or
>hate me... it's not my fault... it's yours.

Duo: SURE… it’s OUR fault for being forced to watch this…

>See, I made this story to help people... all anyone who complains about it does is hate.
>See, by seeing women get raped, and by tentacles no doubt..

Chau: Great… this seems like a bad omen.

>it helps people come in touch with their hate for women. Yes, those vile, disgusting,
>despicable women. They really suck. And they won't give me any.

S3: WELL, OF COURSE! If you’re an asshole, then you won’t get any!
Duo: But you haven’t gotten any – and you’re really nice!
S3: Shut up.

>Really.
>So, again, what I write should be taken as Holy word,

Duo: HOLY WORD?
Ryoga: [Scoffs.] Yeah… it’s about as holy as the Taliban’s version of the Koran.

>so please read and enjoy. Because remember, this is for pleasure!
>
>I WANT TO HAVE A TENTACLE ENEMA.

All: O_O’

>-----
>
>Hentai

Chau: HEY! That’s my mom’s line!

>Dursheim walked down the road to Niederbrechen. "Ja, what a wonderful day it is, eh?

Duo: German Canadians?
Ryoga: Ja, let’s invade Poland, eh?

>I haven't gotten laid by the beer nymphs,

Shinji: [Snickers.] Beer nymphs…
All: [Beak out in laughter.]

>so now I am feeling lonely, horny and deserted!

Ryoga: So, he’s a perverted version of S3.
S3: HEY!

> think I should go and find some girl to take. But how? My personality is too offiicious
>or someone to sleep with me!

Chau: Ohh... someone broke out the thesaurus!

>Oh! I've got it! I'll turn into a tentacle monster! They get all the chicks!" Hentai skipped
>down the road.

All: They do?

>
>:-{ >

Ryoga: Ah… Hentai’s got a dorky goatee…

>I came down to the village center. All the maidens were in their homes asleep. So I
>needed a way to change quickly into a tentacle monster. Wait!! I know! The Brunnen
>von ertrunkenem frechem Tentacle!

Duo: S3, you took a year or two of German, right?
S3: Yeah, so?
Duo: And, Shinji, you’ve learned some German, right?
Shinji: Yes.
Duo: THEN WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
S3 and Shinji: The big ol’ bastard Overfiend Tentacle fountain.

>There was the fountain... at the edge of the village... it had the statue of an octopus on
>the top of it. Ah, perfect... I thought. I immediately shed my clothes, my peepee bobbing
>free,

S3: Yes, you read that right.
Chau: Small…
Duo: [Sniggers.] Pee…pee…

>already hard enough to do its work. I leaped into the shallow fountain, bonking my
>head, but since it was solid bone, I wasn't hurt.

S3: This guy gives SIs a bad name!
Shinji: But… you’re an avatar.
S3: BUT, Brandon is MY self-insertion!
Chau: But… screw it.

>Almost immediately, I began to transform. My formerly 4.5 cm penis immediately
>extended to a robust 400 cm.

All: THAT’S BIG.
S3: Do you know what that is in inches?
All: No.
S3: It’s… from 1.8 inches to… 460 inches. That’s 13 feet. Damn.

>My four other limbs spread out as well, and eventually, I had a hollow metal casing.

Ryoga: Um…

>My eyes turned to stalks, and pretty soon I became a full-grown tentacle beast, with 17
>glorious tentacles to torture ... err.. pleasure my helpless female victims with. The
>biggest one, my penis tentacle, stiffened in anticipation of this glorious task!

Duo: It’s not THAT cool. SEX is better then tentacle rape.

>Immediately, I sprouted some wheels

All: [Break out in laughter.]
Shinji: …wheels…

>and walked into the middle of Niederbrechen. Good... nobody was outside. I looked
>around for a pleasing victim... then I saw young Helga Von Brunnheim walking down
>Wuppertaller Strate, towards the village centre.

Chau: So… some gal is walking down some street somewhere.
S3: Pretty much.

>Now's my chance! I hid in some bushes, and waited for Helga to go to her home. Helga
>walked up to her house, and opened the lovely little door with the wooden squirrel on it
>that read "Helga". Helga, Helga, Helga...

S3: Hold on, fic’s stuck. [Loud banging sounds are heard.] There.

>how do I love thee... Well, anyway, you miserable peons, I will continue.

Duo: Oh, please, don’t go through any trouble for us.

>As soon as she shut her door, I walked up to a window. Helga was changing into a pair
>of pajamas with oh-so-cute little bunny faces on them.

Chau: This is a GRADE SCHOOL GIRL?
S3: You know what? I have no clue.

>Ohhh... I felt my penis tentacle getting hard again... I am gonna score! Helga stretched
>after changing. "Boy, I'm glad I'm all alone and helpless... that way, some evil guy can
>take advantage of me or maim me or something!

All: Setup.
Shinji: You know, I’d rather have Mr. Sinister’s list plot then this.
Duo: Actually, I miss Shinji the 10 O’clock assassin.

>I was overjoyed!! Here was a perfect victim... a helpless, horrible woman... Ah, sweet
>revenge.. I will take what is rightfully mine! I rolled to the door

Ryoga: Uh… he was at a window.

>and smashed through it, and before she could say anything, I had a tentacle on each
>limb. Damn, I'm good... I have 13 tentacles to spare and I didn't even use the Master
>Blaster Love Piston yet!

Shinji: [Snickers.] Master… blaster…
All: [Break out into laughter… again…]

>I added another two tentacles to function as hands, and I moved forward. Mmmm... so
>delectable. I licked at her buttons,

Duo: [Raises an eyebrow.] …on her shirt?

>and they conveniently came off.

Chau: Wow! One-touch buttons! Sounds like I need to find some of those for my ‘happy-happy-fun-fun-time’ with Duo.

>Wow!! She's a perfect, helpless victim! It doesn't get any better than this! I opened the
>pajamas, so I could see her snowy-pale chest, with delectable little boobies tipped with
>little itty bitty poo-poo brown nipples.

Shinji: [Holding down vomit.] Oh… god… [Clouds form above the MSTers.]
YES, MY CHILDERN?
Duo: O.O …God?
YES. WHAT IS IT?
S3: Well, th… there is a pervert writing fanfiction. Could you bring him here for a roast?
SURE. I ALWAYS PREFERRED MSTERS TO PEREVERTS, ANYWAY. HE’LL BE WAITING FOR YOU AT THE END.
S3: Thanks, sir!
NO PROBLEM. [Clouds fade away.]
Chau: O.O …I just became a Christian.
Ryoga: I think I had a religious experience…

>Yum! I ran my tongue over her wonderful little yabos, and then back across her
>milkjugs. Her little nippies got hard, and then I started to move my tongue down to her
>peepee.

All: O_O WHAT? [Break out into laughter.]
S3: I told you it was a reward for Gene Mesaki.

>My peepee was getting hard, so I wanted to put my peepee in her peepee.

Chau: If this is GAY SEX, go for the ASS!

>But she wouldn't let me. But I forced it in anyway.

All guys: OW! That’s NOT how it works!

>"aaaaahhhh!" Helga screamed. I wrapped a tentacle around her mouth. Shut up, do you
>want someone to come in and rob me of my hobby of mistreating women? I squeezed
>tight, so the wench would shut up.
>So I plunged farther, and I pressed against her swollen bladder,

Shinji: This…
Chau: …doesn’t…
Duo: …seem…
Ryoga: …right.
S3: It gets better.

>making her spray all over the floor.

All: EWW!

>Yum! I paused and activated my suction tentacle. Yumm... a bit salty, though.

Shinji: UURRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Chau: Um, Shinji?
Shinji: …yes? Urghhh…
Chau: Next time, use a barf bag, OK?

>A lot better than when I had been eating shit all those years.

S3: [Pause.] You know, this explains a lot.

>I pumped my swollen central tentacle in and out... her boobies rising and falling with
>every thrust.

Duo: [Snickers.] …boobies…
Ryoga: What kind of IMMATURE, PERVERTED, DUMB-ASS…
S3: Icarus Flatsab.
Ryoga: Oh. That’s right…

>And she's enjoying it! Hot damn this is fun! I pumped harder, banging against her
>pelvis. Yes! Who's box is this? Who's box is this?

Chau: [Smiles seductively.] Duo owns MY box.

>"oooohhh... your box, take it, tentacle monster!" Helga moaned.
>This girl was all mine. "Mmmmmm...."
>Suddenly, her sister Heidi came in.

All: NO!

>She dropped her keg of beer on the ground, creating a frothy mess.
>"Vass is this?

S3: ‘WAS IST DAS!’ ‘WAS IST DAS’ YOU MORON!

>A tentacle monster raping my --" Since she was also a helpless female, and I had 12
>tentacles free,

Ryoga: MINUS the ‘Master-blaster-love-piston.’
All: [Chuckle.]

>I grabbed her with four of them. I added a tentacle to rip off her clothes, and another
>tentacle to gag her.

Duo: You know… you’re supposed to leave their mouth UNCOVERED. You’re supposed to hear their moans of ecstasy, moron.

>Once she was naked, and let me tell you, her boobies are nothing to be ashamed of
>either... but I saw her butt. Oooh, I want to bugger that sweet ass!

S3: Um… just FYI: ‘bugger’ means ‘bastard.’

>And she's going to give it to me! I shoved another tentacle far into her sweet little ass.

Chau: OW!
Duo: From personal experience, I can say: THAT HURTS.

>Fuck that stuff about wait for the sphincter... I'm going full tilt!
> I plowed her ass like a cornfield...

Ryoga: This brings ‘to the cornfield’ to an entirely new level.
S3: [As Crow’s version of Puma Man’s Kobras.] Because you are made of earth, corn grows in you!

>even when the blood was ocming out.

Shinji: Does that hurt?

>Haha! see!! This is what happens when you don't go out with me!
>She moaned and began to like it too! Bitchin'!! Pretty soon, she pissed on herself, and
>came.

Chau: This was written by…?
Ryoga: My money is on a 5-year-old.
S3: Well, given the fact that the author thinks that women PISS ON THEMSELVES when they cum…

>Her peepee was all covered with piss, it was great. I laid them down on the bed. Now
>rub your pussies together and make out!

Shinji: Hold it…
All: OH MY GOD! THEY’RE HERMAPHORDITES!

>I want to see a lesbo porn flick! I made them rub their pussies together, it was great.
>They even got to lick each other's boobies, it was so cool.

Duo: Don’t you mean ‘I made them lick each other’s thingies, it was SO STUPID! I NEED A JOB! AND A LIFE!
Chau: Um… Duo, if you stop, I’ll let you… [Whispers something in his ear.]
Duo: ^_^ I’ll shut up.

>I couldn't take anymore, so I raised my penis tentacle and shot my load all over the bed.
>it drenched them completely. I loved it.
>"So, Tentacle man... want to make a movie deal? I love being raped by you, and it
>makes us women look like helpless objects! We need more people like that!!"

All: WE DO?

>Helga moaned. What could I say? I loved it! You bet, Baby! I picked her up and licked
>her peepee.

All: O.o ARGH!

>I gotta do this again sometime..it's the best time to pick up women!
>*THE END*
>Well, that's the end of my story.

Shinji: well, it was funnier then I expected.
Ryoga: Actually, I hated it more then Mesaki.
Duo: Same here.
Chau: It made me… feel special.

>I think that anyone who hates this story is an ignorant peon. I also would like to thank
>Feldspar Antaeus, he is my inspiration...

Duo: [Cracks his knuckles.] Who is this? I feel the need for death.

>I love you, man!

All: EWW!

>You taught me how to not accept responsibility if I write a crappy story! I would also
>like to thank Kefka, Oscar,

All: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
S3: NO! He’s DEAD!

>and Satan.

Shinji: Explains a lot.

>Thanks much, it wouldn't be possible without you guys. So remember, if you don't like
>this story, you stink, and I don't care about you.
>-Icarus Flatslab (flatslab@mnkyspnk.net)

Chau: Monkey spank.net?
Duo: I know of ANOTHER spank…
All but Chau and Duo: GET A ROOM!

>--

All: [Exit the theater.]

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Ryoga left the theater, and was lost. He was in the bathroom… again.

“WHERE AM I NOW?!?!?”

Shinji and the others, however, simply stepped into the living room, where the others were. Brandon had showered and shaved, and generally looked presentable. Ai was busy filling him in on the latest news, while S3 was cruising the internet. Mian Toris had left during the MST.

“NO!” gasped Brandon in utter surprise, “Squaresoft and Nintendo… together again?”

Ai’s features softened, “I thought you’d like that. Just happened a few days ago. The first 6 Final Fantasies are scheduled for possible re-release on the Game Boy Advance.”

Brandon leapt up into the air, “WOOHOO!”

S3 held up a 6-pack of beer. “Who wants to celebrate?”

“I DO!”

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Believe it or not, this took only 2 hours to MST – 4 if you include the plot stuff. Fastest one yet. What do you think?

S3, the demon godling (…of destruction, making the next Kleenex pop up in the tissue box, and cold beer.)