A S-I That Wasn't Right... by Random 1377
Gohan on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' by SSJ. Ffish

S3's Random Ramble:Well, this is the first collection of shorts for this series. This is also the first Christmas episode for either of my series. It’s also one of the first Christmas MSTs I’ve seen. I admit, it’s a LITTLE early… but, to quote Eric Cartman, “Screw you guys. I’m goin home.” It’s also the first Multi-fic MST. I REALLY hope this comes out this time!
One last thing… you might want to read the last episode before this one.
Also, this is the first time someone, that I know of, actually did a Christmas special on FF.n for Christmas.

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Ryoga and Shinji stumbled out of the theater, tired. It had taken them the last 3 weeks to clean the interactive theater. Unfortunately, all of their efforts were accompanied by the screams of horror and pain of Brandon and Duo – their ‘evil’ mistresses laughs accompanying them. Finally, just as soon as Ryoga and Shinji sat down, the screams stopped.

“Finally…” sighed Ryoga, relieved that his friend’s torture was done.

At that moment, Duo and Brandon limped out of their rooms, rubbing their bruises. Chau and Ai followed, smiles on their faces.

Duo flinched as he sat down on one of the few chairs scattered about the lounge. “OW!!!” he cursed, his eyes watering, “Damn! Why’d you have to be THAT hard, Chau? It was worse then when I was captured by OZ a few years ago… The only thing missing was a cavity search…” Duo stopped, and blushed, when he heard Chau’s giggle.

“Well…” she said, with a heavy blush, “If you don’t count that…”

Duo paused as he remembered, “Well… did you HAVE to be that ROUGH?”

Brandon looked at his watch, and gasped in surprise, “Guys! It’s the 23rd of December!” Ryoga and Shinji looked at him blankly, so Brandon continued, “Look, you two are from Japan – so you might not know of this religious holiday. It’s called Christmas. We give each other presents – like at a birthday. It’s fun!”

Duo shouted, hopping up out of his seat, “Where’s the decorations?”

Brandon gestured over to the closet to his right, “Over there.” He grinned as Duo scampered over at over warp 10, dragging Ryoga with him. “Fanfic Sign!!!!” Brandon screamed as the familiar alarms went off, “SET UP THE DECORATIONS!”

“No prob!” Duo saluted the others ran into the theater.

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THE DOORS!
Door 7: Mike Nelson’s smiling picture, complete with Santa Claus hat!
Door 6: An igloo. You crawl inside and shiver through, pausing to take the presents from the large X-mas tree.
Door 5: A white door from a house. It’s locked. You pick up the spare key from under the mat, unlock it, and go on through.
Door 4: A blue leopard’s cage. You feed it, and streak on through.

Chau: [Tosses Mike two steaks.] Here you go, boy. [Smiles cutely.] Merry Christmas.

Door 3: A spider’s web! You slice it Indiana Jones style, and sneak through.
Door 2: A door made from the remains of the multiple Tom Servos! You shiver and tiptoe on by.
Door 1: The traditional airlock. It spins open, and you enter.

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Brandon: Well, guys, prepare yourself for the WORST type of fanfic ever.
Ai: It's not...
Shinji: [Sighs.] It's Evangelion, isn't it?
Brandon: Yep. [Turns to Ai.] Now, what do you think it is?
Ai: ...a Self-Insert.
Brandon: [Nods.] An Eva S-I. [Snaps his fingers. Beer & popcorn appears.] You'll need these.
All but Brandon: NO! NOT A S-I FIC! [Pause. Turn to look at Brandon.]
Brandon: WHAT? What's wrong? Do I have something up my nose?
Chau: YOU'RE a Self-Insert, aren't you dad?
Brandon: [Blushing.] Well... I, uh... [Points to the screen.] It’s starting!

>Disclaimer: My name is Hideki Anno,

All: [Begin bowing.] All hail Hideki Anno! Lord and master of present anime!

>and I own Evangelion. No, not really...

All: [Begin throwing popcorn at the screen.] BOO! FREAK!!

>I'm just a fanfiction author

Shinji: Sure, make us give our hopes up... Think that I'm gonna get to read something by my creator...

>that hopes Mister Anno and his associates at Studio Gainax Animation
>like a good joke and don't feel like suing me for this story.

Brandon: Oh... they will. And if they don't, then Shinji here will!
Shinji: DAMN STRAIGHT!

>And should they (Anno or Gainax or anyone affiliated with them) request
>it, I will gladly remove this story from the web. Thank you.

Chau: You're not welcome.

>A Self-Insert That Wasn't Right

Ai: They're NEVER right!
Brandon: [Begins grumbling.]
Ai: ...um... Present company, and a few authors excepted...
Brandon: [Takes out a small list and hands it to Ai.]
Ai: Read this? Um... 'Mblow0t5, Gabe Ricard The Psychomatic Poet, and - to some extent - Schmuck are good Self-Inserts.' You think Schmuck is good?
Brandon: [Shrugs.] Reminds me a little of Mike Nelson from MST3K...

>By Random1377
>The Sixth Child stepped off of the train and surveyed his new domain.

Chau: And here goes the plot, characterization, and even dignity...
Shinji: Where am I?
Brandon: SIXTH? But... there was only 5, and the last one was an-
[Stops as Ai's and Chau's hands clamp over his mouth.]
Ai: SOME people havn't gotten that far in the EVA series yet... [Motions to Shinji.]
Chau: He'd only JUST beaten that Angel that invaded HQ and disabled EVAs 00 & 02 when you brought him in, remember?

>"This place isn't so impressive," he said with a grin as he looked over
>the town of Tokyo-3, "certainly nothing to write home about!"
>Home was a small Iowa town in America, a place the handsome, muscular
>man-child had all but dominated while growing up!

Chau: MAN-CHILD? ...ooookaaay...
Brandon: It's turning out like a normal BAD Self-Insert...

>"Can't wait to meet the other Children!" he exclaimed, looking around for
his welcoming committee,

Ai: Please let it be a MASSIVE assortment of EVAs and Angels...

>"And I hope my Unit is delivered ok!"
>He smiled as he thought of the black and red Unit 09.

Shinji: [Scratches his head.] But what about EVAs 4 through 8?

>Units 06, 07, and 08

Shinji: Ok... But that still doesn't explain EVAs 4 & and 5...
All but Shinji: [Shake their heads.] Poor sod...

>had all been unable to handle his awesome %700 sync-ratio!!

All: [Coughing massively.] BULLSHIT!
Brandon: Um... [Pause.] When Shinji reached 100%, it jumped to 400%; and he was ABSORBED into his EVA!
Shinji: [Opens up a can of Yesibu Beer.] Hey... I think I remember that... [Takes a sip of Yesibu.]

>"Wonder if the Second Child will want to have sex today... or tomorrow?"

Shinji: [Spits out the beer.] WHAT!?!? What sort of perverted...
Chau: I didn't think that Asuka was a whore in the EVA series...
Brandon & Shinji: SHE'S NOT!!
Shinji: She's only wanted one person-
Ai: Kaji.
Shinji: Actually, no… It's some guy named 'The Psychomatic Poet'...

>he said with a huge grin.
>The redheaded Asuka Langley Souryu

Ai: SOURyu? [Supresses a snicker.]
Shinji: At least the rest of the name was dead-on...

>had fallen head over heels in love with the newest pilot after reading his
>letter and seeing his picture.

All: [Coughing again.] BULLSHIT!!

>And he was sure (based on her jealous comments in the last love-letter
>she sent to him) that the First Child had seen his picture and wanted him
>too!

All: REI? Little-miss-Commander-Data-wannabe? WHAT?
Brandon: Don't tell me... Misato, Risukto, Maya, Hikari, Shinji, AND Gendo want him too, right?
Ai and Chau: SHINJI AND GENDO? EWW!!!!
Shinji: [To Brandon.] LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!!!

>"Plenty of me to go around!" he said with a laugh.
>Since he was also endowed with incredible mental powers,

Chau: Can he go Super Saiyan too?
Shinji: Wait a sec...He's got those sort of powers... [Gasps melodramatically.] HE'S AN ANGEL!
Ai: [To Brandon.] Wait till he meets Koaru Nagisa...

>NERV was sending all three EVAs to escort him to headquarters, just in case
>the newest batch of angels got wind of him and

Brandon: ...decided to run away - never to return to find Adam or Lilith?
Shinji: I can only hope. I don't want to see how he handled me...
Brandon: I HAD to read this. You REALLY won't like it...

>decided to attack.
>"Not that I couldn't handle them," he smirked, "even without my EVA!"

All: [Coughing... AGAIN.] BULLSHIT!
Shinji: Hey, moron, YOU try to avoid a 60-foot massive Bio-organic monster!

>He had thought briefly that the Third Child might prove to be a hindrance
>in his quest to bed the Second and First,

All: ...
Chau: Sounds like a traditional fanboy quest...

>but after reading his profile, he wasn't concerned.
>"He's a wuss!"

Ai: That's about right...
Shinji: HEY!

>he muttered, stretching his six-foot tall frame and smiling still wider,
>"I could kick his ass!!"

Chau: ANYBODY could.
Shinji: [Puts his hands over his ears.] It's just as well I can't hear you...

>And he could! The boy known only as Random

Brandon: Hey... I thought that Random 'Frequent-Flyer' Dent was a girl...
Ai: Honey... Wrong Random. That one was cool, this one sucks.

>was not someone to be toyed with!!! Since his parents were the legendary
>space bounty-hunter Spike Spiegle

Chau: WHAT?
Brandon: HIM?

>and the girl known as Sailor Moon,

Ai: HIM AND SAILOR MOON?
Shinji: Is there ANY chance in HELL of Spike and that... bimbo... getting along for even a SECOND?
Brandon: [Thinks for a second.] Naah.

>he had been endowed with incredible mental powers and physical prowess!!

Chau: [As the Narrator.] Unfortunately, with his mother being Sailor Moon, Random was also born with a SEVERE mental retardation - making him believe that he was the most supreme power in the story.

>He closed his eyes to concentrate on his Zen meditating skills, calming
>himself since he was made to wait.

Brandon: So, the most supreme being in this story is a Q from Star Trek?

>As he meditated, he thought, 'First thing I'm gonna do is slap that bitch
>Gendou!

Shinji: [As Random.] I may be the universe's most powerful warrior, but I still know my roots - I hit like a girl!

>Show him who's running this show!"
>A loud tromping sound caused him to open his eyes. "It's about time!" he
>said disgustedly as the three EVAs came into view. Unit 00 was leading,
>and had not seen him,

Ai: [As Rei.] Oh, wait. We were looking for someone HANSOME. Oh, well.

>as evidenced by the fact that it wasn't slowing, and the fact that it's
>next step would bring its foot down squarely on him!!

All: All right! COME ON REI! Squash the freak flat!

>'No problem, I can shield this!' he thought, raising his hand and
>concentrating his awesome psionic power!!
>**
><squish>

Chau: It didn't...
Shinji: No...
Ai: [Snickers.] I think it did.
Brandon: Heh. Ooooh yeah...

>"The fuck wazzat?" Rei said, bringing Unit 00 to a halt.

Shinji: REI? What did he DO to you?
Brandon: Wait till you see Asuka and yourself.

>Asuka covered her mouth, giggling like a schoolgirl.

Chau: Asuka?
Ai: Are you SURE that this is the original cast of EVA?

>"Rei!" she exclaimed, blushing, "Don't curse so much! You're embarrassing
>me!"

All: ASUKA? EMBARRASED?

>"Shut up, biz-nitch!" Rei retorted, "Don't make me get old skool ruff on
>your ass, yo! I think dat I juz stepped on sumpin' foul."

Brandon: Random 1377, what have you done? You replaced the entire cast of Evangelion with scab workers!

>"Der," Shinji commented, "wherez tha new kid?"

Shinji: [Eye twitching.] THAT is me?
Brandon: Yep. Quite usual in these fics, actually...

>"Shinji dear," Misato's motherly voice came over the tac-net, "your nose
>is running again."
>"Duh," the dull-witted Third Child replied.

All but Shinji: [Stiffling laughter.]
Shinji: It's NOT funny!

>"I hope the new boy likes me," Asuka sighed dreamily, "he's just so... so
>CUTE!!!"

All: ARGH!

>"True dat," Rei commented, "but you gots to get ta his ass 'fore I do!"

Ai: [As Rei.] I be Miss Cleo, mon!

>she paused, "Now, dude... lets see what that most heinous sound was... then
>go listen to some Iron Maiden!!"

Chau: Well, at least she now has good taste in music...

>"Oh Rei!" Asuka giggled

Brandon: ...Shinji?
Shinji: Yes?
Brandon: Is Asuka a lesbian?
Shinji: I used to know, but now...

>as Unit 00 leaned against a building to take its boot off,

Ai: It has a boot?

>"You and your cute multiple personalities!"
>"Oh dear," Misato said with a sigh as the feed from Unit 00 showed the
>squashed Sixth Child,

Chau: All right! ...uh... I mean, that's a shame...
Ai: Yeah...

>"and he had such promise..."
>"True dat..." Rei commented, "be a damn shame when a fo' get stomped like
>that n'shit..."
>"Duh," Shinji commented, a line of drool running from his bottom lip.

Shinji: I AM NOT LIKE THAT!!!
All but Shinji: [Stiffling laughter again.]

>The three EVAs shrugged and headed home, Unit 00 pausing for a moment to
>scrape its boot on a building marked Darkscribes Publishing.

Brandon: Is that somehow relevant?

>The End
>Announcer's voice: Instead of Author's notes on this story, we've arranged
>for a brief Question and Answer time with the author himself!

Chau: Didn't Rei kill him?

>Now without further adieu, Random!
><Curtain raises on a small stage, lit by a single spotlight>
><Asuka Langley Souryu walks up to the microphone on the stage and

Shinji: Begins a striptease!
Brandon: [Begins tamping out a strip number.]
Chau: [Uses her newly purchased 'Hammerspace Gate' to grab a LARGE metal hammer. She uses this to hit Shinji over the head.] Baka hentai!!!
Ai: [Glomps Brandon.] Don't worry, dear... Your punishment is later... MUCH later... Hehehe...
Brandon: [Swallows heavily.]

>clears her throat>
>"Hi there, Ummm... slight change of plans. Random has been... detained for
>a while,

Shinji: Yeah, by Fanfiction.net for character abuse.

>so I'll be answering the questions." She looks around the audience and
>nods, focussing on a viewer, "Yes, the, uhh... angry looking young man in
>the back row with the black trenchcoat and sunglasses."

Chau: RUN! HE'S GONNA SHOOT YOU, ASUKA!

>The man steps away from the wall, his hands clenched into tight fists.
>"Yeah, where the fuck is Random?? I need to 'talk' to him!'
>Asuka smiles indulgently, "I'm sure you do... but he's...

Ai: [As Asuka.] ...dead.

>occupied at the moment. It seems that Wondergirl took offense to his
>depiction of her in this story,

Shinji: HEY! What about me, huh?

>and felt it was necessary to discuss it with him." Her eyes scan the room,
>"Yes, man in the first row with the... lavender shirt and the... unique
>fragrance..."

All: [Wave their hands in front of their noses.] P.U.!

>The man stands, pulling out a note pad, "Yes, I really liked this story,

Brandon: WHAT?

>will there be a sequel??"

Shinji: God, I hope not...

>"God, I hope not Ahem, yes, well, I'll be sure to ask Random next time I
>see him... I also have a few things to discuss with him. In the mean time,
>sir," her eyes flit to the corners of the room and she nods faintly,
>"please enjoy our hospitality."

Ai: [As Asuka.] Er... I mean Mental Hospital.

>Two Section Two men appear at the man's sides and lead him off for...
>reeducation.

Brandon: Yeah, I can see it now... [As deep voice.] There is no EVA.
Repeat after me:
All but Brandon: After me.
Brandon: [As deep voice.] There is no EVA.
All but Brandon: LIKE HELL!

>"Now then," Asuka says brightly to the now-quiet room, "moving on to the
>next ques-" she is cut of by a high-pitched, very girlish wail of pain.

Chau: Duo? What's he doing here?

>"Damn it Rei!" Asuka yells, glancing, then running off stage, her voice
>fading as she goes, "Put down that crowbar!

Brandon: [As Asuka.] Use the whip!
Ai: [Glomps Brandon again.] NOW, your punishment is DOUBLED... hehehe...

>It's my turn!!!"
><Curtain falls>

All: It's over!

>
>Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com

All: [Scribble down address for future use.]

>------------
>

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Our friendly group of MSTers exited the theater – only to find out that the ENTIRE SHIP was covered in Christmas decorations. There was a 30-foot artificial Christmas tree sitting in the center of the lounge – presents scattered about underneath it. Duo leant against a section of one of the couches, a BIG grin plastered to his face. Ryoga, however, was making faux snow.

“BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!!” he shouted as he drove his pointer finger into the ‘breaking point’ of each large Styrofoam ball. The shards and fragments flew everywhere, making the room look like it was snowing. Ryoga then gathered up all of the Ki in his body, and shouted, “SHISHI HOKODAN!”

A MASSIVE yellow Ki blast shot out above his body, making the shards of Styrofoam into even smaller pieces. Those pieces fell over the entire room. Brandon continued to look about the room, noting the festive decorations around the holodeck, kitchen, transporter room, and even the bedrooms.

“Man…” sighed Duo as he watched Ryoga make another batch of snow, “I didn’t know that martial arts was helpful in Christmas decorating!” with that, he plugged in the tree lights.

“Ooooooooohhhhhhhh…” everyone gaped as the lights came on, astounding them all.

“Hey!” Brandon shouted, “How are you powering this?”

Duo shrugged, “The power cord is attached to Deathscythe’s nuclear power core.”

Ai smiled her angelic smile, “Wow. I must admit,” she grinned, “you’ve outdone yourself!”

Chau went over to Duo’s side and kissed him, and then made a comment about his wardrobe, her form close to his, “A mistletoe belt, hon?”

Duo grinned, “Wanna go see if it works?”

Shinji fainted.

Brandon grabbed Duo’s arm, explaining, “Keep it in your pants for now. Remember MST3K’s so-called Christmas episode?”

Duo nodded, a grin on his face.

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In the lounge of the Mike Nelson, Brandon and Duo were bundling up. They were going to do something they had wanted to do for years now: Go Wassailing.

"Here we come a Wassailing, just open your eyes around!" they sang tonelessly, arm-in-arm.

"Do you have any Wassail?" Duo asked Chau as he and Brandon approached the others.

"Wha...?" she wondered, wondering what the HELL was going on.

Duo grinned, as he held out his hand, "Debit card, please."

"Wha...?" Chau repeated.

"One, two, three!" Duo and Brandon chanted, "Here we come a Wassailing, just open your eyes around!" they continued on singing, ending, "Either Wassail or your debit card and pin number! Love and joy, come to you, unless you are unable to provide the Wassail! Then severe financial penalties shall come to you! Then severe financial penalties to you..."

"See ya!" Brandon cheered as he and Duo entered the Transporter room, "Wait till we get back to un-wrap the presents!"

"No problem!" Ai cheeilly called back as the Fanfic sign went off, "Have fun!!"

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Ai: Thank you Charlotte! Merry Christmas to you too!

Door 2: A door made from the remains of the multiple Tom Servos! Each head is singing the Wassail song. You shiver and tiptoe on by.
Door 1: The traditional airlock. It spins open, and you enter.

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Ai: You guys know about those anti-gameshow fics?
All but Ai: Yes...
Ai: Well, Brandon came across this sinker a few months back. Apparently, it features the cast of Dragon Ball Z... and Regis Philbman as Kathy Lee...
Ryoga: WHAT?
Chau: Mom? Are you SURE you're not sick or something?
Ai: [Interupts Shinji, who was about to object.] SHUT. UP. The fic will be starting... now.

>Gohan on "Who Wants to Be a Millionare?"
> Author: SSJ.Ffish

All: Who?
Ai: Super Saiyan Ffish?

>
>Regis: Live from New York, this is Regis Philbin on "Who Wants to Be a
>Millionaire?"! Let's get right down to it with the "Fastest Fingers"
>question.

Ai: I bet that either Goku or Vegeta is gona win.
Ryoga: Naah. Krillin's my choice.
Chau: Piccolo.
Shinji: I like Gohan.

>Put these Dragon Ball Z villains in the order they appear in the show
>A: Vegita
>B: Cell
>C: Radditz
>D: Freiza

Ryoga: ...the hell? Even I could answer those!
Chau: [Mischevious smile.] Ok... do it.
Ryoga: Um... Pass.

>(A few moments later)
>Regis: And the winner is Krillin, with 1.93 seconds!

All but Ryoga: KRILLIN?
Ryoga: YES! Pay up!
All but Ryoga: [Grumbles. Hands Ryoga all the money they have in their wallets.]

>Krillin: I can't believe it...I...I...

Ai: Neither can we...
Shinji: I'm... [Sobs.] ...broke.
Chau: Oh, well... I only had a few dollars left from shopping anyway...

>(passes out, and a team of paramedics drag him away)
>Regis: Well, I guess we'll have to go with the runner-up, Gohan!

Ryoga: Aw...
Shinji: Gohan? Do I get the money?
Ryoga: [Puts his money in his wallet.] Not a chance in hell, bud.

>Gohan: Wow, this is amazing! I actually made it!

Ai: Well, it WAS the title...

>Regis: Take a seat and tell us where you're from.
>Gohan: Well, actually I came here from Siten City with my wife, Videl,

Chau: HE MARRIED HER?
Ryoga: Is this some fan's delusions?
Ai: Um... make this the Dragon Ball GT universe.

>my daughter, Pan, my mom, Chi-chi, my dad, Goku,

Shinji: Isn't he dead?
Ai: Not in GT.

>my little brother, Goten, his friend, Trunks, his parents, Bulma and
>Vegita, and our friends, Dende, Tien, Chautzsu, Mr. Piccolo, and Yamcha

Chau: [As Gohan.] And while we were at it, I invited THE ENTIRE WORLD'S POPULATION to come and watch me get humiliated.

>Regis: Well, you've got quite a bunch up there.

Ryoga: [Flailing in anime-like style.] IT'S OVER HALF THE DAMN AUDIENCE!!

>Gohan: Yep, that covers just about everyone.
>Regis: Let's start on your first question- for one hundred dollars...
>What is the capital of Egypt?
>A: Cairo
>B: Nirvana
>C: Pharaoh town
>D: Sandburg

Shinji: NIRVANA YOU FOOL! B!!
Chau: Um... Shinji, it's not the TV show... he can't hear you...
Shinji: Oh... [Blushes.]
Chau: And you didn’t even have the right answer...

>Gohan: You're kidding, right? It's "A".
>Regis: Is that your final answer?
>Gohan: Yes, it is.
>Regis: For one hundred dollars, that is correct!

All: No duh!

>Now for the $400 question
>What is -9x+3y=6 solved in slope intercept form (nervous grumbling from the
>audience)

Ai: Nervous grumbling? MAN, that is easy!
Ryoga: What is it then?
Ai: y=3x+2.

>Gohan: That would be C, y=3x+2

Ai: [Winks cutely.] Told ya!
Chau: Wait a sec... how did he know it'd be c?
Shinji: He may be a Super Saiyan, but he sure doesn't have psychic powers...

>Regis: I DIDN'T GIVE THE ANSWERS YET!!! But for $400, that's right!
>Now for the $800 question,
>True or False-Vegita is really stuck up

All: True.
Chau: AND, it's spelt Vegeta!

>A: True
>B: False
>C: I don't know
>D: I like cheese

Ryoga: [As Gohan.] D. I like cheese. Final answer.

>Vegita yells: WHO WRITES THESE @$$#0!3 QUESTIONS!?!
>Gohan: Regis, I'll have to go with "A".
>Regis: Final answer?

Ai: NO! I didn't guess!
Shinji: Man, does he HAVE to ask that?

>Gohan: Yes.

Chau: And there's your answer!

>Regis: That is correct!!! For $1000...
>What was the first Dragonball saga?

Ryoga: WAS there a real saga in what they've shown on Toonami?
Shinji: [Shrugs.] I've never seen the first show.
Ai: Well, there WAS Emperor Pilaf...
Chau: The Fighting Tournament, maybe?
Ryoga: Maybe...

>A: Hidegarn
>B: Pilaf
>C: Red Ribbon
>D: Piccolo Diamo

Ryoga: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!? I know of Pilaf - he wasn't that much of
a problem... Piccolo DIAMO? Who is he? The Red Ribbon? And Hidegarn?
Ai: Piccolo's dad, An Army dedicated to making their leader taller, and I
have no clue who the last one is...
Ryoga and Shinji: Oh...

>(Gohan flares up into SSJ): WHAT DID YOU CALL MISTER PICCOLO?!?

All: His DAD, baka!

>Regis: Whoa! Easy there, buddy. Not that piccolo.
>Gohan (sighs and goes back to normal): Piccolo.
>Regis: That's what I said.
>Gohan: No, you said it with a lower-case "P".

Shinji: Is there a DIFFERENCE?
Ryoga: Even more: Gohan can READ what people are SAYING?

>Regis (looking confused): Uh...right...so what's your answer?
>Gohan: I'll have to go with B, Pilaf.

Chau: Ooohh.... So, Pilaf WAS the first saga...

>Regis: Final?
>Gohan: Yeah.
>Regis: That is correct! For four thousand dollars...
>Who was the hero of "Mission Impossible"?

Ai: Oh, man... This must be the celebrity version.

>A: Snidely Whiplash
>B: Alan Crow
>C: Ethan Hunt
>D: Fredrik McNoodlemeister

All: [Pause. Look at each other. Grin.] FREDRICK MCNOODLENEISTER!!!

>Gohan: I don't know, Regis. Mom never let me see that movie
>(snickering from the audience)

All: [Snickering.]
Shinji: He NEVER saw it?

>Regis (on the verge of laughter): You mean you're a grown man with his own
>family, and yet you're still a momma's boy?

All: Yep.
Ryoga: [Grins.] Don't forget: He has a family too!

>Gohan (looking perplexed): Uh, yeah, so?
>Chi-chi (yells in from seat): Gohan! Why would you listen to me then when
>you never do otherwise!?
>Goku (also in the audience): What do you mean? He's the poster-child for
>obedience!

Ai: Not really...

>Chi-chi: Ha! Do you think he ever listens when I tell him not to go off
>fighting in your gang!?

Chau: GANG? Hehehehe... yeah, right.

>NO!! He always goes off, not even giving a thought to his studying!! How
>is he supposed to make it out there!?

Shinji: Make it where?

>If he did as I told him, he could be a multi-billionaire by now!!
>Goku: If he did as you said, the earth would be non-existent. How many
>times now has he ...Wait a minute! Gang!?!

Chau: Mom, that man is THICK.
Ai: Well... SOME here are worse off... [Points to Ryoga and Shinji.] Them and Duo.
Chau: HEY! Duo isn't THAT bad... [Grins.] At least, not as bad as Brandon.
Ai: He IS your father, you know...

>(Goku and Chi-chi continue their squabbling in the background, while Gohan
>continues)
>Gohan: Regis, I'd like to ask the audience.

All: [Snigger like there's no tomorrow.]

>Regis (smirking): Okay, that's one lifeline down for the momma's boy.
>Gohan (really ticked): Be quiet, will you?!
>Regis: So here are the results from the audience. Seems like an overwhelming
>majority, seeing as how literally EVERYONE said "C". But I think Gohan
>needs to ask his mom for permission before he can answer.

Shinji: Does this Regis EVER shut up?

>Gohan (through his teeth, trying to hold back his anger): Regis, I'll take
>C, final answer.
>Regis: And sissy-man is right!
>Gohan (flares up into SS2): SHUT UP!!!

Chau: He looks like dad...

>Regis: Oooh...won't mom be mad when she hears that!
>Gohan: KA...ME...HA...ME...

All: DUCK!!! [Large, bright blue beam shoots through the screen.]
Ryoga: That... [Coughs up a smoke ring.] Sucks...

>Somewhere in Taiwan a farmer is plowing his field when all of a sudden,
>half of A.B.C Studios lands just in back of his house.

Ai: Ooh... wow. THAT'S a nice extension!

>Goku: Nice shot, son!
>Half the audience is obliterated,

Shinji: Don't worry... they'll be wished back in about 5 minutes...

>and where Regis was sitting, there are now what seem to be clumps of what seems to be
>liquid silver.

Ai: Oh…
Chau: …my…
Shinji: God…
Ryoga: Is THAT what I think it is?

>Suddenly, as if straight out of "Terminator"

Ryoga: I was right…

>(actually, it is, but don't tell- we hope to avoid a lawsuit),

All: Right…
Shinji: [Takes out his cell phone.] Hello? Toji? Could you get a hold of a lawyer for me?

>the clumps flow into one, large, silvery mass, which stands up into a form just like that
>of Regis. The mass speaks.

Chau: God… no.

>Regis: Bad move, boy. For now you shall see my true colors.

Ai: [As Regis.] See? I’m RED, Black, BLUE, [Notices the other MSTers looking at her.] Ok… ok… that was stupid.

>Suddenly, electricity showers over Regis's now glowing form, a golden aura surrounds
>him, his eyes turn green, and his hair turns gold.

Shinji & Ryoga: …the hell?
Ai & Chau: [go Super Saiyan.] LIKE HELL!

>Gohan: A SUPER SAYIA-JIN!?

All: WHAT THE HELL????

>Regis: No. I am now... THE LEGENDARY SUPER NEW-YORKER-JIN!!

All: [Break out into giggles.]
Ai: Is THAT the best he could come up with?

>He fires a deadly blast towards Gohan, who just barely dodges it. He and Gohan engage
>in a battle the likes of which have never been seen.

Ryoga: Well… at least not since Cell.
Shinji: Frieza.
Ai: Majin Buu.
Chau: Raditz.

>Vegita to Piccolo: Well, it's just another battle, and it's getting late. Want to leave? The
>game is going to be on soon.

Shinji: Since WHEN does Vegeta talk like THAT?
Ryoga: More so, when has he CARED about the others?

>Piccolo: Yeah, I think we all might as well go. You see one battle for the fate of the
>universe, you see them all.

Chau: You know… he’s got a point.
Others: [Nod in agreement.]

>The entire cast then goes home. The next morning, they all arrive again, and to their
>surprise, Gohan is still fighting.

Ryoga: Didn’t it just say that Gohan went home?

>Dende: Hmm... Gohan is still toying with Regis. You'd have thought he'd just get bored
>and obliterate the entire tri-county area.

Ai: Do they even HAVE tri-county areas in Japan?
Ryoga & Shinji: No.

>All of a sudden, Regis goes through another transformation, with even more electricity
>crackling, and his hair growing longer
>Goten: Oh-my-gosh! Is he going Super Sayi...

Ai & Chau: [Charging up Ki blasts.] DON’T finish that word.

>err...New-Yorker-Jin Level 3!?
>Trunks: No! He's transforming into...Kathy Lee Gifford!!!

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- [Take deep breaths.] –OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

>Regis...err...Kathy: That's right! Now I will destroy you by hosting an annoying talk
>show!

All: [Facefaults.] Aack!

>Gohan: NOOO!!!
>With a look of utter terror on his face, Gohan fires a blast so strong, it destroys the
>entire east sector of the galaxy.

Ryoga: Fortunately, the show of Dragonball Z takes place mostly in the North quadrant.
Ai: I knew that Gohan couldn’t shoot straight, but THAT BAD?

>And of course, some other beings on some other planet in who-knows-where use their
>own version of the Dragonballs to wish everything back. As usual.

Shinji: Of course.

>Gohan: Whoa. I'd better not try that again.
>Bulma: So what about the prize money?

Chau: Give it to the Salvation Army!

>Trunks: I think A.B.C. inc. needs it more than we do.

Ryoga: Nah. They’ve got ‘The Drew Carey Show.’ They don’t need it.

>Goku: That's not really true. We never seem to get paid for saving the universe.
>Trunks (to Goten, snobbily): Well, you may need the prize money, but my mom owns
>the Capsule Corp. We don't need any game-show money.
>Goten (retorting): Well my dad can beat up yours!

Ai: Debatable.
Ryoga: Hmph. I bet that Vegeta would win.
Chau: I’ve seen Goku go level 3. Vegeta wouldn’t stand a chance.
Shinji: BOTH of you shut up. I’d LOVE to watch some of the Christmas specials on TV!

>Trunks: Well I can beat up you!
>Goten: You mean "beat you up".
>Needless to say, they duke it out, their families on the sidelines watching, with jumbo
>bags of popcorn.

Ai: That family puts the ‘Fun’ in ‘DysFUNctional!’
Shinji: Isn’t that the “Simpson’s” cry?
Ai: So?
Shinji: Good point.
Ryoga: Is it over?
Chau: Yep.
Ryoga: …oh.
All: [Exit the theater.]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our newer intrepid group of MSTers exited the theater – only to find Duo chatting it up with TWO Brandons! Duo sat between the two, the one to his right sipping away at some hot Earl Grey tea. The one to his left relaxing, holding a few debit cards.

“Hi hon!” the left Brandon shouted, waving Ai over, “Guess who’s come to visit!”

Ai and the others stood in place, staring at the new Brandon. He was slightly shorter, was a little chubby, and wore glasses. “WHO are you?” Ai demanded.

The new Brandon stood up, coughed, and said in a slight British accent, “I’m the actual author of this fic, Brandon. You can call me S3, my Fanfiction.net identity. Sound familiar?”

Ai grinned, “So… you created me? And Chau? And Brandon?”

S3 nodded, his long brown hair waving slightly, “Yep. And this ship, the Michael J. Nelson. I am also the one who gave you guys your ‘special’ powers. Going Super Saiyan, swordplay, flying, etcetera…”

“Why’d you come?” asked Ryoga, obviously confused.

Brandon shrugged as he held up a small package. “This was sent to the wrong place. This was from Kelly, and was sent here. I’ll probably get something from M – meant for you.”

“Oh…” everyone said as it sunk in. Silence followed.

“Um…” S3 said as the silence continued, “The end of the fic is coming up soon… We need to do the obligatory ‘Merry Christmas’ get-together scene.”

Everyone gathered together, looked toward the screen, and shouted, “MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Merry Christmas all!
S3

Well, I hope you liked the FIRST EVER Christmas MST for our series. Ok… ok… so there wasn’t ANY X-mas related MST-ing going on… So what? They’ll be coming up. Did you like the ‘special’ guest-star? I did.

Tata!