I decided to bunch all of the first season in a long fanfic.
Sorry for the wait, but I went on a long vacation. Now, I give you...

THE DISCLAIMER!!!

I don't own this MSTed fanfic - Gabe Ricard does. He is a great friend of mine, and I would like to thank him for not killing me for MSTing this. I apologize for it in advance. Nor do I own Buzz Beer. I also do not own Bryan Walker. He belongs to himself. Also, Dirk Gently belongs to the late Douglas Adams. Read his novels! Ah, hell. I own almost nothing. If anybody sues, you will get 3 IOUs and several thousand pages of used computer paper. So, don’t sue!
One last thing: the advertising! Read:
*Gabe Ricard's FF7 series. Start with 'Total Boredom.'
*MblowOt5's MST series.
*The first chapter of this series1
*Darth Kirby's MST4K series.
And now... THE STORY!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the not-to-distant future,
Right here in time and space,
Brandon Masters and his insane friends are caught in a very nasty place!

Corralled by the Government-
To test their resolve-
They took some of the most useless humans available,
And gave them a job!

We'll send them cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find.
They'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor their minds.

Now keep in mind we can't control
How much we get paid.
We'll try to keep our spirits up,
And hope to get laid!

MSTer Roll Call!
Ai Seki! "I'm not a slut!"
Bryan Walker! "Can I borrow a barf bag?"
Brandon Masters! "Huh? I'm the $%@ AUTHOR!"

Now if you're wondering where they eat and live,
And other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself:
"It's just a fic,
I should really just relax!"
Oh, Mystery Science Theater 2001!
Twwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnggggg!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[It is now 3 days later. In S3's office, Bryan is sitting in one of the three chairs, a bottle of Buzz Beer in his hand. He is VERY drunk. S3 is behind his own desk, looking very furious.]

S3: Where the hell are those two? They did get my message, RIGHT?
Bryan: You mean Brandon and Ai? They're over at... [Tries to think, but can’t.]
S3: Oh, great... YOU'RE a big help.

[Brandon enters, heavily sunburned. Ai follows, in her Bikini and holding a bottle of lotion, looking very apologetic.]
Ai: I'm sorry! I had no clue you burned so easily! Here, have some lotion... [She squeezes out a dab of lotion and rubs it on Brandon's arms.]

Brandon: AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH! STOP!
Ai: [Stops.] sorry…
S3: [Looks Ai over. Looks Brandon over. Looks Ai over again. He pounds his desk.] WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??? I trust you two got to Barbados…
Ai: Everything went perfectly fine, until I suggested we go suntan. I got a wonderful tan, while my poor sweetie here burned like bacon. We had to bring the vacation to a halt, and spent yesterday at Brandon’s home. He let me stay over too…
S3: [Raises an eyebrow.] Interesting…
Brandon: [Shrugs.] I let her sleep in my bed, while I slept on the couch.
Bryan: So, what so we watch today?
S3: A contradictory thing. It’s a Lemon.
Bryan: Woohoo!
S3: It’s also a Dragon Ball Z fic.
Brandon: NO! I hate DBZ! [He pounds S3’s desk.] DAMMITT!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok... now, I like DBZ. Then, though, I didn't like it much...

Ai: I think their bodies are sexy… [She squeals at the thought of a DBZ lemon.]
S3: It is called: the Evil, Mysterious, Hentai Potion – written by Gabe Ricard. Oh, one warning first. This is the worst lemon I have ever read – and this includes those MSTed by my friend MblowOt5.
Brandon: Why’s it so bad?
S3: This lemon contains yaoi, beastality, and inscest. Oh, and hot, sweaty, Human/Namekian sex.
Ai: There ARE barf bags in the theater, right?
S3: Of course. I don’t want the cleaning bill. Now go watch the fic.
[All 3 victims shuffle into the theater.]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>The Evil, Mysterious, Pervert Potion-Written by Gabe Ricard.

Brandon: I thought it was HENTAI potion, not this...
Ai: I have no clue.

>A DBZ fan fic.

Bryan: Big surprise there.

>Based on a plot idea by FF.Net author Black Beyond.
>Gabe: Hello everyone I'm Gabe Ricard the author of this and about 40 other fan fics, With me is a good friend who >will be making another appearance in my fan fic world before long Shaun Richardson.
>Shaun: whazzup everyone?
>Gabe:(Just noticing something) Good lord! Why in gods

Brandon: There's more than one God?
Bryan: It depends on your religion.

>name aren't you wearing any clothes?!

Ai: He’s a nudist!
Brandon: He just now noticed this?

>Shaun: Well I figured since this is my first time on TV I'd give the ladies out there in TV land an idea of how I look. >Remember hos my number is 834-8-what man?!

Ai: He wants whores? Eww!

>Gabe: This isn't TV this is a fan fic.
>Shaun: A what?
>Gabe: A fan fic. Unfourtunately no one can see you but me.

Bryan: We can!!!
Brandon: AAAHHH!!!
Ai: It’s huge… Wow…

>Shaun: Oh...well damn man no one tells me shit....
>Gabe: ANYWAY...This fan fic was based on a challenge set by Black Beyond and not wanting to miss my chance to >write what could damn well be the worst DBZ fic ev-What now?!!?
>(Both stop and stare as an attractive girl walks into the room)
>Gabe: Who the fuck are you?!

Ai: [As woman] your worst nightmare…

>Girl: (stiffly) I am the fan fic censor

Brandon: There’s a censor? I’ve never seen her!

>Gabe: There can't be a censor I'm the writer!
>Girl: The good people at Funimation sent me.

Bryan: I wouldn’t call them good…

>Can't have sick perverts like you corrupting our children!

Ai: Too late…
Brandon: You should talk to the rap groups.

>Gabe: I'm far from-
>Girl: I refer you to the porno stash hidden in your blanket drawer.

Bryan & Brandon: Let me see!!!
Ai: [Slaps Brandon]
Brandon: WHAT?!?!

>Gabe:....
>Girl: Now....(holds upa finished copy of the fan fic) This must go...This must go...Goku would never think that way

Ai: What way?

>...That must go...That must go.....
>Gabe: (Turns to Shaun) I believe this is your department.
>Shaun: Sure thing (Throws an arm around the girl and walks her away from Gabe) Yo baby you ever met Shaun Jr.?

Brandon & Bryan: AAHH!
Ai: [Raises an eyebrow] I believe we’ve been aquatinted…

>Gabe: Now with no more interuptions we can get on with my disclaimer and word of casution.

Bryan: Yep, no caution; just a word of casution…

>The following fic will contain a good deal of suggested Yaoi and depending on whether or not Puar qualifies as an >animal, Beastality. Also this story cotains attempted incest so in short it's not a story for the kiddies.

Brandon: What about the illegitimate child of Bulma and Vegeta?

>You have been warned and shouldn't proceed on if these
>things offend you. I sure as hell wouldn't be caught reading this.

Bryan: Why’d he write it then?
Ai: No clue.

>Enjoy the fic and be sure to flam- I mean review.

All: Don’t worry – we will… hehehehehe…

>(Turns and walks out of the room the sounds of moaning and giggling a few feet away from him as he walks away)

Brandon: Ugh…

>***
>"Good morning Chi-Chi!"
>Chi-Chi turned around and smiled as she saw her husband Goku come bounding down the stairs dressed in his happy >face pajamas.

Ai: The strongest man in the world wears HAPPY FACE PAJAMAS?

>"Good morning Goku." She turned around and kissed her husband tenderly, "Did you sleep well?"
>"You bet! Is breakfast ready? I'm starved!"

Bryan: Isn’t he always?

>Goku's eyes widened as Chi-Chi placed two plates of food one that had considerably more food on to the table and >sat down. Without saying another word Goku grabbed a fork and began piling the eggs and bacon into his mouth at a >record pace.

Ai: So, who makes the money in this family?
Brandon: Can’t be Goku or Gohan…
Bryan: Isn’t Chi-Chi…
Ai: So, they’re all thieves?

>"So are you sure you don't want to come to Veijita's birthday party at Master Roshi's place tonight?"

Brandon: Vegeta told them his birthday?

>Chi-Chi shook her head, "I'm too busy Goku I'm sorry."
>"Pleeeeeeasssssssseeeeeeee," begged Goku his mouth still full of eggs. "Everyone's gonna be there! It'll be fun!"

Bryan: [As Goku] There’ll be a stripper!

>"No Goku!"
>"Can I go dad?" Goku and Chi-Chi turned around to see a dressed Gohan in the door.
>"Sure Gohan!" replied Goku a moment before Chi-Chi hit him in the head with her trusty frying pan.

Brandon: Goku takes THIS? Exactly how strong is he? I’d never allow myself to be hit like that!
Ai: [Does what Chi-Chi did to Goku.]
Brandon: Ouch! What was that for?
Bryan: You were saying?

>"What dear?" he asked rubbing his head. "Can't Gohan go?"
>"No, This isn't the sort of party I want Gohan going to or being part of. Besides Goten will have no one to play with!"
>"Aw mom," complained Gohan. "Can't we just get Trunks to play with him?"

Ai: How old is Trunks in this fic?
Bryan: Goku is still alive. Is he a teenager?
Brandon: No, I think it’s the infant version.
Ai: My head hurts… Got any aspirin?
Brandon: Here. [He hands Ai a bottle of Excedrin.]
Ai: Thanks.
Bryan: Um… this crap causes nausea. Get out a barf bag…

>"For the last time no! The answer is no and I'm not going to say it again." She held up her frying pan menacingly at >Goku. "Okay?"
>Goku got the idea fairly quickly, "Yes dear." He turned to Gohan, "Sorry Gohan. Looks like your staying home."
>Gohan sighed, "That's okay Dad." He muttered under his breath and walked over to the cupboard to get a box of >cereal.
>***
>Later that night...
>Gohan watched his dad fly off from his room and sighed.

Brandon: What was Goku doing in Gohan’s room?
Ai: [Yawns] Eww…

>He knew he could just fly but he also knew he would get in trouble. Finally, without saying a word he jumped out of >his chair
>and walked to his window opening it and crawling out. He fell to the ground with a thud

Bryan: So much for stealth…

>and looked around and took a deep breath before he jumped up and sped away.
>***
>At Master Roshi's house...
>"I can't believe I let you talk me into this woman!" grumbled Veijita standing at the door to Master Roshi's house >dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts.

Bryan: Where’s his Saiyan armor? I hate the pink shirts.
Brandon: At least he’s not in a thong.

>"Oh come on Veijita! It's your birthday! I would have made this a surprise party but then I remembered what had >happened lastyear."

Brandon: The stripper got into a bar fight with a drunken Vegeta. There wasn’t much left afterwards…

>A smile creeped up on Veijita's lips, "It was Kakkorots fault for jumping in front of me."

Bryan: [Snickers.] What was Goku doing in front of Vegeta?

>"And what about everyone else? It took us forever to clean up Goku's house!"
>"Who is watching the brat?" he asked annoyed.

Ai: Which brat? Gohan?
Bryan: Goten?
Brandon: Trunks?

>"My dad," replied Bulma.
>"Great, lets give our son more chances to become a loon."

Bryan: Look at the parents!
Ai: I think you’re right…

>"Call my dad a loon ONE more time Veijita and you're sleeping on the couch."

Ai: For Vegeta, that’s a blessing.
Brandon: ESPECIALLY with Bulma for a wife.

>***
>Veijita gave no answer and turned to the door knocking on it loudly. "Open the bloody door!" A moment later the >door opened to reveal Piccolo who gave no welcome and only growled.
>"Well Namek? Are you going to let us in or not?" snapped Veijita.

Bryan: Piccolo then slams the door on them. The end.

>Piccolo growled again and stood back opening the door and walking away. Veijita walked up the steps with Bulma >behind him slamming the door as he walked inside Master Roshi's house.
>"Hey Veijita!" greeted Goku slapping Veijita on the back. "Happy Birthday! How many is that?"
>Veijita turned to Goku and scowled at him venomously. "It is no business of yours what my age is!" With that he >regained his composure and stormed away.
>"He's twenty-eight." Whispered Bulma to Goku.

Brandon: That’s not old!
Ai: Yeah! He’s only 154 in dog years!
Bryan: Only 312 in Ostrich years!

>"I heard that!" yelled Veijita from the snack table. He looked around seeing that everyone except that stupid old man >who lived here.

Bryan: Joe Don Baker? Where?

>"Where's Master Roshi?" asked Bulma.

Brandon: He’s at a cheerleader convention.

>Goku shrugged, "I don't know. He left a note but all it said was that he was going to be gone until tomorrow night and >that we can still use his house for the party."
>"What is it now?" asked Bulma who noticed Veijita was back.
>"Where's the hell is the beer?"
>"Krillin was supposed to buy it," replied Goku.
>"Whoops..." came a weak reply. Everyone turned around to see Krillin.
>"It's the toilet for you cue ball," cackled Veijita grabbing a struggling Krillin by the back of his neck and dragging him >away.

Brandon: You know, toilet water should be sold in water bottles.
Ai: Why?
Brandon: So it’ll be easier for the bullies to give nerds swirlies.
Bryan: But the poor guy is bald!

>"We really ought to put a stop to that," sighed Bulma.
>"Nah...it gives Veijita and Krillin a chance to bond." Replied >Goku.

Bryan: Bond? In what way?
Ai: Ew!

>"I'll go look for some beer. I'm sure there's some around here some." With that he turned and walked into the kitchen
>nearly trampling over Chao-tsu by accident as he did.
>***
>Gohan saw Master Roshi's house below him and grinned lowering to the ground and jumping off then walking into the >house.

Brandon: So, what did Gohan do?

>***
>"Hey this looks like beer," exclaimed Goku reaching deep into Master Roshi's seemingly never ending refrigerator and >pulling out a pitcher.

Ai: [As Goku] …or it could be tea – I don’t really know.

>He reached over and pulled out several glasses more then there where people and poured a generous amount into all >of them then carrying them over to the table just as Veijita returned from the bathroom with a soaked Krillin not too far >behind.

Bryan: Vegeta’s GAY!!!

>"Ah Kakkorot! You've finally done something useful!" smiled Veijita walking over to the table and grabbing a glass. A >moment later Krillin picked up a glass and was soon followed by everyone else.

[Dirk Gently walks in.]
Dirk: Hello all. It is time for a break to prevent your brains from melting. If you would follow me…
Ai: Long time no see Dirk. Where have you been?
Dirk: [Shrugs] Sleeping.
[All 4 exit.]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[S3’s office. He is watching a copy of “The Irresponsible Captain Tylor.” S3 smirks as the three victims sit in front of him.]
S3: So… how was the fanfic? It’s not over yet, and the lemony bits are coming up.
Bryan: You call this a lemon?!?!?! Princess Mononoke has more porn than that!
Brandon: I hate it already.
Ai: Are there any all-male foursomes? I’d like to know…
S3: [Sighs.] You’re all a bunch of perverts…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

COMMERCIAL BREAK!

I originally had planned to be a part 2 here, but... Ah, well... Read on, faithful ones!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[S3’s office. Everyone, including Dirk, have just finished watching “The Irresponsible Captain Tylor.” Ai is sitting in Brandon’s lap, despite his protests. Bryan and S3 are trying to carry on a modified version of karaoke. Dirk is still watching the end credits. Immediately, Dirk sees the original credits.]
Dirk: HEY! Look at that! [Points to a nude woman on the screen.]
Bryan: Eh? Whoa! She’s hot!
Ai: [Casually observing the video.] Brandon, am I prettier than her?
Brandon: Um… can I take the fifth?
Ai: [Takes out her sword.] WHO’S PRETTIER?
Brandon: [Sweatdrops.] Um… you are…
Bryan: You’re whipped man.
S3: [Stands up and claps his hands.] All right you three. Time to go watch that DBZ lemon. NOW!
All 3 MSTers: [Shuffle into the theater.]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>"Gohan?" asked Goku in surprise.

Ai: Whoa! Where did he come from?

>"Dad?" Gohan nearly choked on the drink he had sneaked from the table. He was caught.
>"Gohan! You shouldn't be drinking that!" scolded Goku taking the drink away from Gohan which was pretty much >empty anyway.

Bryan: Aw, hell Goku! The thing’s almost empty!

>"I'm going to have to tell your mother about this."
>"Aw...dad..." Gohan muttered again and sat down scowling.
>"You shouldn't bother Goku, I don't even think this is beer! It tastes like water!"

Brandon: What does this say about Goku?

>Goku looked down at the glass then looked back at Piccolo. "Yeah, I know...I really, really like it for some reason >though...you can stay Gohan."
>"Thanks dad!"
>"But I'm still gonna tell your mother."

Bryan: Isn’t that an oxymoron?

>"Crap."

Ai: SWEAR FOR ONCE, DAMMITT! THIS IS AN NC-17 FANFICTION FOR GOD’S SAKE!

>"Hey everyone!" exclaimed Yamcha walking in. "I just found two REAL six packs of beer. Who wants some?" Feeling >unsatisfied from the mystery drink Goku had found everyone agreed in an instant and swarmed over to the table.
>"Dad, can I-"

Brandon: [As Goku] Sure! Have a six-pack!

>"No way Gohan." Gohan simply sighed he was glad to be here anyway. As he watched everyone talk and have a good >time he couldn't help but notice how attractive Bulma and Puar where looking tonight.

Bryan: HE FINDS THE DAMN CAT ATTRACTIVE?!?!

>***
>The Next Morning
>"SON GOKU YOU BETTER WAKE UP THIS VERY INSTANT!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bryan: Uh oh.
Brandon & Ai: Caps lock is stuck on.

>"Uh-oh," though Goku recognizing that voice without having to open his eyes.

Ai: Huh?

>He opened his eyes and sure enough it was his wife Chi-Chi still brandishing her ever-lethal frying pan.
>He stood up quickly and saw that everyone had fallen asleep including Gohan who had fallen asleep on the table. He >also saw that almost everyone was now waking up.

Bryan: Ok, that’s a DEFINATE oxymoron.

>"Hey Chi-Chi!" he grinned nervously.
>"GokuIcantbelivewhatyoudidwhatahorribleinfluenceyoucanbeso >metimesijustcantbelieveallthethingsgohanOURSONislearningdri >nkingstayingupallthehoursofthenightyouknewhehadschooltommo
>rowhehadascienceprojectdueandhe-"

Ai: Hmm… This makes no sense at all.
Brandon: Maybe some sort of new language?
Bryan: Yeah, it’s called ‘angry lover.’

>Wow can that woman ever yell, thought Piccolo stretching his arms. He stopped as he saw Chi-Chi and that moment >came to an almost stunning realization. She's beautiful he thought shocked at what he was thinking but feeling as if he >had known it all along.

Brandon: Does he spend several episodes staring at her?

>No he reasoned in his mind.

Bryan: Piccolo has no reasoning in his mind?
Ai: That sounds uncomfortable…

>Not only is she a...human but she's Goku's wife! Still...I don't know why but I must have her...asexualality be damned.

Bryan: Woohoo!

>With that he turned and headed for the door.
>"Goku was right," thought Bulma picking up a glass of the mystery drink from the other night. "I missed out on trying it >last night, so I'll take this home and drink it later." With that she poured it into a capsule and put the capsule into her >jeans pocket and looked around for her husband.
>"Where's that sexy Namek going?" asked Veijita to himself.

Brandon: Hold it…
Bryan: Vegeta IS gay!
Ai: Eww…

>He stopped cold. "Did I just say what I think I said?

Bryan: Yes.

>No...it can't be...must have been all that beer I drank....yeah....that's it...really should stop drinking so much beer."

Brandon: Who the hell is he trying to be? Drew Carey?

>He regained his composure and tried to return the always-pissed-off look he always kept on his face in some way. >"Woman! We're going now!" Veijita turned and walked out with Bulma who was looking incredibly tired.

Bryan: After doing WHAT?
Ai: [Slaps Bryan.]
Bryan: OW!
Brandon: [Smiles.]

>Goku sighed, he wanted to train but knew Chi-Chi would have him working for most of the day as punishment for >Veijita's birthday party. The day wouldn't be too bad he reasoned at least he still had some of that drink that no one >liked but him from last night in the fridge.

Ai: This doesn’t look too good…

>He was just glad Chi-Chi never noticed.

Brandon: Noticed WHAT? His lack of hairstyle?
Ai: The massive rash on his back?
Bryan: The fact that this lemon has NO PLOT?

>He looked around and saw that Gohan was no longer working.
>"Hey Chi-Chi, what happened to Gohan?" asked Goku as Chi-Chi walked into the kitchen.

Ai: [As Chi-Chi.] Oh, he died, I thought you knew.

>"He went to have a bath outside."
>"Can I go have one too?"
>"I guess but I want you back here as soon as possible! You still have a lot of work that you're going to do today!"
>"I know, I know." Goku pulled off his shirt and threw it on the table and headed for the bath outside not noticing the >glare Chi-Chi had just given him. She sighed and shook her head and reached over picking up his shirt throwing it in a >laundry basket she was holding between her arm

Bryan: Hey! She only has one arm?
Brandon: And she still pounds on Goku?
Ai: [Dreamily.] My role model…

>while the sounds of Goten yelling at a video game filled the otherwise quiet house.
>"Ah..." grinned Gohan leaning into the bath. "A break at last....mom sure has Dad and I working today!"

Brandon: ME AND DAD!!! GOD!!!

>"Hey son!"
>Gohan opened his eyes and sat up to see Goku walking over to the bath wearing shorts with a towel slung over his >shoulder. "Hey Dad! Mom finally gave you a little break huh?"
>"Yeah she's really working us today. Oh well I think we deserve it anyway. I shouldn't have let you come stay!"
>"Don't worry Dad, it's no big deal." Goku didn't reply and instead slowly slid into the bath and watched Gohan lean >back again and close his eyes.

Ai: Is he nude, or is he still wearing the shorts?

>At that moment to Goku's horror he felt a terrifying and incredible urge to grab Gohan and kiss him.

Ai: Brandon, honey, hand me a barf bag.
Brandon: [Does as she says.]
Ai: UUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH… I feel better now…
Bryan: Give me one too…
Ai: [Gives him one.]
Bryan: BBBBLLLLEEEERRRRRGGGGGHHHH… I feel much better now… thanks.

>Shaking his head trying to get the image out of his head Goku leaned back in the tub and and tried to relax. But as he >closed his eyes the image of Gohan once again appeared in his mind making Goku panic in his thoughts as he tried to >figure out where this was coming from.

Bryan: From Castle Entertainment!

>"Dad? Are you okay?"
>Goku forced a smile, "Sure Gohan! Everything is A-Okay!" Gohan gave his dad a slight look of concern and closed >his eyes again and felt startled as the image of Puar and Bulma having sex appeared in his mind.

Brandon: BBBLLLUUURRRGGGHHH…
Ai: Brandon, dearie, next time use the barf bags, OK?
Brandon: …ok…

>He had had a dream about this last night and had been feeling sick about it all day. At the same time however he was >strangely attracted to the idea of watching Bulma and Puar go at it.

Brandon: Get another bag ready, all of you…

>Goku was now sweating profusely which was starting to look noticeable even though he was in a bath. He reached >over slowly to grab Gohan who still had his eyes closed then pulled his hand out of the bath and jumped out running >away.

Brandon: EW! Put a towel on!

>"What's wrong with Dad?" thought Gohan opening his eyes to see Goku walking quickly walking away from the bath >then shooting into the sky and disappearing.
>***
>Piccolo sat in the snowy mountains hundreds of miles away from civilization.

Bryan: Is Goku coming here?
Ai: OOH! Male x Male action!

>He was deep in meditation or at least he was trying to be, as he still was unable to shake his desire to make love to his >friend Goku's wife.

Brandon: It’s a lemon. Wedding vows really don’t matter here…

>"Hey Namek!"
>Piccolo's eyes widened in surprise and he turned around to see Veijita standing behind him

All: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

>"Veijita? What the hell are you doing here?"
>"I...ummm wanted to see if you wanted to spar."
>Piccolo raised an eye. He had never in the five or so years he had known Veijita recalled him asking if someone other >than Goku would spar with him. "Why do you want to spar with me?
>Has Goku finally gotten tired of your constant bragging."

Bryan: Nah, Vegeta just decied to come out of the closet.

>Veijita felt horror fill through him as he realized how much he liked it when Piccolo insulted him.

Ai: S&M!

>"No...I just want a little variety in my spars...that's all."
>Piccolo uncrossed his legs

Brandon: Cross them again!
Bryan: We’re learning more about Saiyan and Namekian anatomy than we ever wanted to know…

>and took off his cap and turban. "Fine, let's go."
>***
>"Why in gods name am I thinking like this?" cried Gohan in his room. He had been in his room for over an hour staring >at the picture of him and the gang or more accurately the section of the picture where Puar was sitting on Bulma's >shoulder.

Ai: That kid needs a life.
Bryan: Or a whore.

>"Gooooohaaaaaan." Came the voice of his mother. Gohan snapped out of his trance and shook his head violently >several times trying to shake the images of Puars little fury body pleasing Bulma but to no avail. Finally he gave up.

Ai: [As a sex-ed film.] At about this time, certain changes begin to happen in a young Saiyan’s body. These changes are perfectly perverted, and should be stopped as soon as possible.

>"Coming mom!" he jumped out of his chair and ran downstairs nearly fainting at the site of Bulma, with none other than >Puar and next to them but not for the long when Goten came in the room was Trunks.

Brandon: What just happened?

>"Hey Gohan!" greeted Bulma, "What's new?" Bulma was answered by Gohan darting out of the room trying to keep >himself from screaming at the horrible almost errie coincidence that had just occurred before his very eyes.
>"What's wrong with him?" asked Bulma.

Bryan: [As Chi-Chi.] Puberty.

>"I'm not sure," asked Chi-Chi with a small amount of motherly concern in her voice.
>***
>Meanwhile in a city of some sort...

Ai: Oh, sure. That’s real specific.

>"Blood! Blood! I must have BLOOD!" Krillin who had been foaming at the mouth for the last hour

Bryan: Krillin’s got rabies!

>tipped over a mailbox and picked it up throwing it through the window of a convenience and walking in.
>"Where do you keep your tampons?!" he screamed grabbing the clerk at the counter by the shirt.
>"Aisle six," he replied. Krillin threw the man back and stormed away. The man stood up and dusted off his shirt, "I'm >not even supposed to be here today."

Brandon: Wait...

>At that moment the door opened. "Hey what the hell happened to-"
>"Go open the video store."

Brandon: Dante and Randall from”Clerks”!
Ai: The town of Leonardo is screwed up...

>***
>Krillin's mouth was dripping with foam as he stopped at a small section of tampons. Cackling madly, Krillin began >tearing the boxes open at a frightening pace. In the back of Krillins mind where the logic and sanity where hiding Krillin >knew this period fetish he had developed seemingly over night was not only very, very wrong but completely out of >nowhere. Soon this little flickers of sanity and of reasoning disappeared and his period fetish went into over-drive.

Ai: Eh?

>"Nooooo!!! There's got to be seven dozen tampon boxes here and NOT ONE OF THEM has blood...sweet sweet... >woman's menstrual blood....I MUST HAVE IT!!!'

Brandon: So he’s a perverted vampire.
Ai: Yep.

>Krillin's head began to twitch violently and he let out a very shrill uncharacteristic scream before blasting most of the >aisle into dust and flying out through the ceiling.
>***
>"Okay Veijita, that's the fourth time your hand has brushed against my body in a disturbing way sparrings over.

Bryan: Huh?

>I'm going to go find a place where I can't be disturbed!"
>"Can I come with you?"

Brandon: [As Piccolo.] Why, of cours- NO! YOU CAN’T!

>Piccolo raised an eye again at Veijita he was acting very bizarre today then again with his newly founded and equally >bizarre crush on Chi-Chi so was he. "Hell no, I don't know what's wrong with you Veijita and I don't care. Just stay >the hell away from me until your normal again," with that Piccolo levitated into the air and shot off.

Ai: [As Vegeta.] I’m better now! Can I come?
Brandon: [Continuing his imitation of Piccolo.] NO!
Ai: [Same as last time.] Can I come now?
Brandon: [Ditto.] NO, DAMMITT!

>Veijita watched him go and sighed, "I will have you some day...my green champion,"

All: UUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH…
Brandon: I told you to keep the barf bags ready…

>he stopped as he said this. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!" he turned and blasted most of a nearby >mountain into dust and shot off in the opposite direction Piccolo had gone.

[Dirk enters the theater.]
Dirk: Follow me please.
[All 4 exit the theater. S3’s office, now. There is a massive iron machine in the middle of the room. S3 is standing next to in, grinning.]
Bryan: What the hell is this?
S3: A cloning machine. If I get one of each of you, then you can leave. Ai, you go first. [Grins evilly as she enters a door on the side.] Begin the countdown!
[The machine glows a bright green. Then, it dies down. The door pops back open. Two versions Ai Seki exit, and both run to Brandon, an evil glint in their eyes…]
Ai #1: Honey, it’s time to take advantage of this situation…
Ai #2: Agreed… Shall we?
[Both Ai #1 and #2 take hold of Brandon by the arms. He squirms, but they begin to carry him off. They pause at the doorway.]
Ai #1: Um… S3? Can we borrow the lobby couch and move in into the next room?
S3: Sure.
Both versions of Ai: Thanks! ^_^/
[A few minutes later, moans and protests come from that room.]
Bryan: The lucky dog…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guess what? I had another break planned here... Ah, well...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[S3’s office. Brandon, Ai and her clone are looking very disheveled in their respective seats, and all 3 are smiling oddly. Bryan and S3 are still going on with their karaoke. Dirk is resting on the couch.]
S3 and Bryan: I wish they could all be California Girls!
Brandon: You two know that neither of you can sing, right?
A1 #1: This is getting eerie…
Ai #2: Ditto…
S3: As punishment for those cruel remarks, all of you are going to watch that fic – including both of you, Ai.
Ai #1 & #2: Damn.
Bryan: Even ME?
S3: EVEN YOU…
Bryan: Aw, man!
S3: GO!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ai #2: Thank god there’s more than 3 seats…
Ai #1: I get the aisle seat next to Brandon!
Bryan: Either one of you want to sit next to me?
Ai #1 & #2: NO!
Brandon: Please, don’t fight…

>"Thanks for letting me leave Trunks here," thanked Bulma for the 3rd time. Chi-Chi smiled, "It's no big deal. He gets >along great with Goten anyway."

Bryan: I sense plot trickery here.

>"We better get going," said Bulma referring to herself and Puar.

Ai #1: To make frantic, frenzied-
Ai #2: …and sweaty…
Ai #1: -love.
Brandon: Ladies, please…
Bryan: Stop trying buddy, maybe romance will sprout.
Brandon: You’re disgusting.

>"I'm glad the two of us will be alone. I've got a top secret project in the works and Puar is giving me some help,"

Bryan: The Manhattan Project?

>"I'm the guinea pig," said Puar flatly.

Brandon: No, you’re the cat.

>"You're an important part of the experimental process." Snapped Bulma.
>"Right,"
>"Hey Bulma!" panted Gohan nearly tripping over as he bolted into the room at the news that Bulma and Puar would be >all alone. "Can I come?"
>"Why Gohan?"
>"I..ummm...want to

Ai #2: watch you two make love.
Ai #1: Hey! I was gonna say that!

>help you."
>Bulma shrugged, "I guess if it's all right with your mom."
>"Can I mom?" asked Gohan giving his mom a pleading look. Before Chi-Chi could tell Gohan no and that he still had >to carry out his end of the punishment he was out the door with
>Bulma and Puar. Chi-Chi said nothing only sighing and walking out the kitchen deciding a nap would be a great idea >after a somewhat odd day.
>"Hey Goten I'm thirsty, got anything to drink?"

Brandon: [As Goten.] Just the Evil, Mysterious, Hentai Potion. Why do you ask?

>"I'm not sure, there sure isn't any beer after the last time that's for sure." Goten and Trunks got up and walked into the >kitchen.

Ai #1: How old are there two?
Bryan: I don’t think it’s teenage Trunks…

>Goten opened the fridge and peered inside only seeing a large glass. "Hey I was wrong there IS beer!"
>"Sweet!" exclaimed Trunks reaching in and pulling the glass out before Goten could. Before Goten could say anything >Trunks took a large sip of the drink. "It's okay...it's not beer though."
>"Lemme try," Goten snatched the glass away and took an equally generous taste. "Hey it's not bad." A moment later >the two went back to the living room to resume their game.

Ai #1: This doesn’t bode well.
Bryan: I have the same feeling.

>"Hey you know Chao-tsu and Tien?" asked Trunks a few minutes later.
>"Yeah."
>"Do you think their gay?"
>"Yeah,"
>"How do you figure?"
>"They told us...last Christmas...remember?"

Ai #2: Ah, yes, the Christmas gift that no one will be able to forget.

>"Oh...right...hey wouldn't it be cool to join them?"
>Goten put down his controller and stared at Trunks in shock. "I was thinking the SAME thing,"
>"That's eerie," replied Trunks. "Should we go?"
>"Sounds good to me," with that Trunks and Goten jumped up and flew out the door while Chi-Chi was still enjoying >her blissful nap.

Brandon: So, we’re going to watch two adults and two five-year-olds go at it?
Ai #2: Ew….

>***
>"NO! The police can't stop me! I WILL fulfill my dreams!" Krillin created a destructo-disc in his right hand and threw >it hap hazzardly at a cop car missing it by a mile and slicing a mail box and most of the streets building in half.

Bryan: Well, at least his aim is as good as always.

>"Mr. Crazy guy...please...put your hands up and walk toward me," demanded the cop weakly.
>"NEVER!!!" Krillin got into a battle stance and charged at the cop car with the intent to kill him and anyone else who >would dare to stop him.
>***
>Piccolo landed on Goku's doorstep and knocked on the door loudly. A moment later a worried looking Chi-Chi >answered the door.
>"What do you want?" she asked annoyed. Piccolo stammered slightly on the answer then Chi-Chi sighed, "I don't >know where Goku is but your welcome to come inside and wait for him." Chi-Chi opened the door and walked back >into the kitchen. Piccolo hardly able to believe his luck thus far walked in still anticipating someone like Gohan or >Goten to show up. He almost giddy which was in the back of his mind the scariest new emotion he had experienced >that day when he saw that no one else was there.
>"Sorry if I snapped at you," she apologized,

Ai #2: Ai, did she ever snap at him?
Ai #1: Not that I know of…

>"It's just that Goten and Trunks ran off somewhere without telling me. Could you do me a favor?"
>"I guess," replied Piccolo trying to sound gruff.

Bryan: TRYING? TRYING!?! HIS VOICE IS DEEPER THAN MOST MAJOR GODS!

>"Could you get me something to drink out of the fridge?"
>Piccolo nodded and opened the fridge and reached in to grab the orange juice and stopped cold as he saw that Chi->Chi was slightly bent over getting a glass.

Brandon: Is he going to spend three episodes staring at her ass?

>He looked away as Chi-Chi turned around a moment later and handed him a glass. Piccolo pulled out the mystery >drink without even realizing it and poured it into the glass. He set it down on the table and folded his arms.
>Chi-Chi took a sip of the drink then a moment later looked up at Piccolo, "I never realized how incredibly sexy you >are Piccolo."

Bryan: Dear god.
Ai #1 & 2: Help us…

>***
>"Okay Puar...this shouldn't hurt at all." Assured Bulma standing next to Gohan and in front of Puar who was hooked >up to something that resembled the electric chair.

Ai #1: [As Wensday, from the Adams Family movies.] We’re going to play a game.
Ai #2: [same person as Ai #1.] It’s called: Is there a god?

>"Yeah...right," mumbled Puar.
>"Okay...one...two...three!" Bulma and Gohan slid goggles over their eyes and threw the switch and watched as a green >volt shot out of the tube that was attached to Puar's head and blasted him in a green glow. Which didn't wear off even >after Bulma threw the switch back to off.

Bryan: What didn’t wear off?
Brandon: PUAR’S RADIOACTIVE!

>"Whew...I'm thirsty...Gohan could you go get us something to drink from that little mini bar over there?" Gohan looked >over to where Bulma was pointing and nodded, walking over and looking at various kinds of soda and a few half >empty liquor bottles and was about to sneak some of the liquor

Brandon: Gohan’s a bad boy…
Bryan: Oh, come on… I bet you’d do something like that if you had the chance.
Brandon: No. I wouldn’t.
Ai #1 & #2: [Staring at Brandon with dreamy eyes.] He’s SOOOOOO COOL!

>but stopped as his eyes came to mystery drink from the night before. He thought for a moment and for some reason >picked up the glass and poured its contents into three smaller glasses then brought them over to where the invention >was giving one glass to Bulma and the other to Puar who was still glowing green.
>"Hey this drink is really good!" squeaked Puar.
>"It sure is!" agreed Bulma taking a small sip then slamming back the rest. Gohan drank his glass as well and at that >moment his fantasy to watch Puar and Bulma have sex became about three>times stronger than before.

Brandon: Don’t do it…

>The urge had now become so strong in fact that his mouth had seemed to take a life of its own.

Ai #1: No…
Ai #2: Don’t say anything…

>"Hey Bulma, it'd be really funny if Puar started going down on you right here right now."

All but Bryan: AAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Bryan: YES! YOU GO GOHAN!
Brandon: Wait, we still can escape from this…
Ai #2: Just say NO Bulma!
Ai #1: SAY NO!
All but Bryan: SAY NO! SAY NO! SAY NO!

>Bulma was silent for a minute then giggled, "Yeah that WOULD be soooooo funny,"

Ai #1: Uh…
Ai #2: …oh.

>she turned to Puar. "Well?" Puar squeaked and practically flew into Bulimia's crotch.

All but Bryan: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Bryan: Yes!
Brandon: You have no life, do you?
Bryan: No life, and proud of it!

>"Put your tongue there! Wiggle it!" encouraged Bulma a few moments later panting heavily while Gohan watched in >stunned silence.

Ai #1: Brandon… hand me a barf bag…
Ai #2: Me too…
Brandon: Get in line…
All but Bryan: UUURRRGGGHHH!
Bryan: [Gets out camcorder and begins recording the onscreen events.] THIS IS AWSOME!
Ai #1: Hold it. Bulma wore no clothing?
Ai #2: No wonder he wanted to come!

>***
>Meanwhile...
>"Trunks!" exclaimed Tien in shock, "Where did you get that move?!"

Bryan: Oh. My. God.
Brandon: UUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGHHH…
Ai #1 & 2: OH! Wow… four men… together…

>***
>Elsewhere...
>"The woman must be here," thought Veijita who had been >looking for Bulma for over an hour and touched down in >front of Goku's house. He opened the door and walked in and stopped as he heard giggling and moaning coming from >another room in the house. "What in blazes is that?!" wondered Veiita slowly walking towards the source of the sound >and peering into Goku's bed room where he was sure the sound was coming from. He turned ghostly white at what he >was seeing.

Ai #1: Goku and Chi-Chi’s second honeymoon?
Brandon: Chi-Chi in the shower?
Bryan: An all male foursome with his son in the middle of it?
Ai #2: The script for the last season of DBZ?

>Chi-Chi and Piccolo having hot sweaty monkey sex. Well hot, sweaty Namek/Human sex anyway.

Brandon: No, please… I have a weak stomach…
Ai #1: Does Piccolo even HAVE the required parts to be MALE?
Ai #2: I don’t wanna find out.

>"Oh, Piccolo! I love it when you put your antenna there!"

All, even Bryan: UUUURRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

>Normally Veijita would be gleefully wondering how badly this would hurt Kakkororot but instead began to cry. >"Piccolo....now he'll never be mine..."

Bryan: What the?
Brandon: Vegeta MUST be gay.
Ai #2: Undoubtedly.
Ai #1: Without a doubt.

>his heart froze as Piccolo and Chi-Chi stopped and turned around but by the time they did Veijita was gone. Veijita >now had three things on his list of things he had to do today. One was to find Bulma which he decided to check where >she worked on her inventions. The second was to push what he had just seen as far from his mind as possible and the >third was to figure out why in gods name was he in love with Piccolo.
>***
>A couple hours later...
>Goku took a deep breath. He still was not over his urge to make love to his own son and he was getting more frantic >by the second. Finally an idea came to him. I know...I'll go see Tien and Chao-tsu...they're experienced in this sort of >thing.

Brandon: What, making love to your own spawn?
Ai #2: I’ve seen it done.

>With that Goku turned and blasted off in the opposite direction he had been going.
>***
>Over at the place where Bulma works on inventions...
>"Oh my god!!!" Gohan bolted around and Bulma and Puar broke their kiss and whirled around to see Veijita standing >in the door looking more shocked and angry then Bulma had ever seen him>before in the time she had known him.

Ai #1: [As Gohan.] That’s nothing! You should see them in bed.

>***
>And where Tien and Chao-tsu live...
>"Goku!!" All four men bolted around to see Goku standing in the door, jaw dropped and eyes wide in horrified shock.

Ai #1 &2: An all-male five-some? COOL!
Bryan: I love porn as much as the next man, but this is just BAD!

>***
>A short period of time later...
>"Veijita! Why the hell are we going to Goku's house?!" asked Bulma piloting one of the capsule corp ships which was >shooting through the sky at break neck speed.
>"Because! I hadn't figured it out until now that none of us had these sick feelings until we drank that stuff that Kakkorot >brought out at my birthday party so I'm going to make him pay!!"

Bryan: [As Vegeta.] And I don’t take plastic!

>"Goku! Why are you making us go to your house!" asked Chao-tsu!"
>"I don't know!!" cried Goku holding Trunks and Goten and flying with Chao-tsu and Tien who only agreed to go with >him out of fear of death. "I'm just sure Chi-Chi will know what to do!"

Ai #1: Does Chi-Chi EVER know what to do?
Brandon: Not that I know of.

>A second after he finished this sentence he and the others landed>in front of his house and walked inside stopping at >the sight of a naked Piccolo and Chi-Chi eating dinner.
>"Ah ha!" cried Veijita walking inside Goku's house with Puar, Bulma and Gohan. "Oh my god!!" Veijita and the others >stood stuck to the floor along with Goku and his group all staring at
>Piccolo and Chi-Chi who where also not saying a word.
>"Hey Goku! I need a place to hide out man-you wouldn't believe..."

Ai #2: [Continuing Krillin’s sentence.] … how people react when you try to kill them here.

>Krillin's cut himself off

Bryan: HE MADE HIMSELF STERILE?
Brandon: Yuck.

>as he walked into Goku's kitchen and joined everyone else in the festival of mute shock.

All: [Throw confetti into the air, and impersonate Kenny form ‘South Park.’] Mph! Mmmphh!

>At that moment all hell broke loose as everyone began screaming at once. Goku kept trying to say his piece

Ai #1: How big?

>but couldn't and finally snapped, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"
>"I think I can answer that question..." came a familiar voice. Everyone stopped yelling and turned around to see Master >Roshi standing in the doorway.
>"How old man?!" demanded Veijita.
>"I've heard bits and pieces of all your yelling and I know what happened. That mystery drink in the fridge was a drink >that I had a witch brew. When drank it is supposed to implant intense sexual urges that you would otherwise never >have. I was planning to use it on a group of cheerleaders that where having a competition on an island not far from >mine. It can last from two hours to a day.

Ai #2: Oh, sure. Explain the plot AFTER THE STORY!

>Oh well no harm done right?" Master Roshi turned a tad nervous as everyone silently moved towards him. "Right? >Guys? Hey get your hands off me! Let go! Ahhhhh!!!"

Bryan: So Master Roshi was gang-raped to death?
Ai #1: I guess…

>End.

Brandon: Thank god!

>***

Brandon: Damn.

>Well that's all....This is sure to get some flames so in a small >effort to save my ass let me say this. I am not a lemon writer

All: Yeah, right.

>and anything involving Yaoi is usually something I avoid but thisseemed like too bad of an idea to pass up so I went for >it. The one thing that is mine is the mystery drink which I used simply because I couldn't in any way justify what I wrote >here with anything else. Everything else including four particular lines belong to Black Beyond. This is only my take on >his challenge. Next up will be the next FF7 fan fic followed by a few small fic projects and hopefully at some point I >will get started on the sequel to my Clerks fic. Thanks for reading and try not to take this too seriously when you >review.
>End. (Swear to god this time.)
>PS: Anyone else think a lot of democrats are whiny pussies?

All: YES.

>Just curious.

All: No problem.
Brandon: Let’s go.
Bryan: Sure.

^_^

[S3’s office. Again. Both versions of Ai are sitting in their chair. Brandon is in the bathroom. Bryan has gotten S3 to reconsider his cloning decision.]
Ai #1: So, I’m only half my… our former self?
S3: Yep. Both of you ladies, back in the machine.
Both #1 & 2: DAMMITT!
[Both women slink into the machine. It glows, and one Ai struts out, sword in hand.]
Ai: Bryan?
Bryan: Um… yes?
Ai: You were fondling me in the theater.
Bryan: But… but #2 didn’t protest!
Ai: She’s me. And I protest. Now DIE!!! [Charges at Bryan.]
S3: Time to end the fic.
Dirk: Ok.

[Interrupt Transmission.]