10/31/03 - Author's Note: It has just come to my attention that Littleman has actually ripped his fanfic WORD-FOR-WORD from one of the SNL Jeopardy skits. This certain one featured Sean Connery, Adam Sandler and Tom Cruise. If you were to watch that one, and read this one immediately after, you'd be as mad as I am now.
I mean, Littleman didn't even bother to adjust the damn script! Jeez, at least make it LOOK original!

Hi! This is my first, noble, attempt at a great MST. A little
explanation of the characters though...

~Ai Seki: A character from my failed "The God Of Death Goes To Hell"
fic. I didn't want to spend my time constructing a new character, so
I took her over here.

~Brandon Masters: Me. No explanation needed.

~Bryan Walker: An old friend. If you're reading this, Bryan, E-mail me!

~S3: Me as well. The leader of the government agency.

~Dirk Gently: The anything man. Former private holistic detective.

Disclaimer: I don't own either of these MSTed fics, or 'Studio
Katsudon.'
Oh, [] for actions and lines beginning with an > indicates
that it came from the original fic. If anybody has any questions, or
bad fics to mail to me, E-mail me at branjms@yahoo.com. And now,
MST2K1!

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In the not-to-distant future,
Right here in time and space,
Brandon Masters and his insane friends are caught in a very nasty place!

Corralled by the Government-
To test their resolve-
They took some of the most useless humans available,
And gave them a job!

We'll send them cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find.
They'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor their minds.

Now keep in mind we can't control
How much we get paid.
We'll try to keep our spirits up,
And hope to get laid!

MSTer Roll Call!
Ai Seki! "I'm not a slut!"
Bryan Walker! "Can I borrow a barf bag?"
Brandon Masters! "Huh? I'm the $%@ AUTHOR!"

Now if you're wondering where they eat and live,
And other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself:
"It's just a fic,
I should really just relax!"
Oh, Mystery Science Theater 2001!
Twwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnggggg!

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[A secret government agency. 3 test subjects have just been brought in
for bad movie and fanfiction testing: Brandon Masters, Bryan Walker,
and Ai Seki. They are lead by Dirk Gently to three seats in front of
S3. Dirk exits.]

Brandon: Listen, we all volunteered to be here for $500 plus expenses
a month! What the hell is going on here?

Bryan: Yeah, what is going on? [Notices Ai] And who's the babe?

Ai: [Shifts uncomfortably in her seat]

S3: You are here to get paid.

Bryan: [Smiles] Get laid?

S3: PAID. You are here to watch really bad fanfiction, and movies. We
will monitor your brainwaves, and if you go insane... [leans forward
in a Gendo Ikari-like way] an added bonus. You will also get a guest
or replacements to help you - but not today. Today, you have a short
featurette: Anime Jeopardy by littleman.
Bryan: [Snickers] 'littleman.'

Brandon: Your mind is even filthier than I thought! Congratulations!

Ai: [Sighs] Good god, what am I doing here? What have I volunteered
for? I had a perfectly good job at 'Studio Katsudon'...

S3: Shut up! All of you! [presses a red button. Dirk Gently enters.]
Mr. Gently will escort you to the theater.

Gently: Follow me, please. [enters theater. The three follow.]

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[Brandon, AI, and Bryan all shuffle into the theater. It makes the
new Safeco Field in Seattle look diminutive and outdated. Bryan sits
down a few seats in. Ai sits next to him. Brandon takes the aisle seat.
The house lights dim.]

Gently: We'll be seeing you at the intermission after the fic.

Bryan: I want popcorn.

Gently: [Sighs] No refreshments in the theater. The budget isn't big
enough. [exits]

Brandon: There's gum on my seat. Scoot over one seat. [all move one
seat over] Thanks.

Ai: Ooh! It's starting!

>Anime Jeopardy
>by Littleman
> Bryan: [Snickers] 'Littleman.'
>(Jeopardy theme song plays and ends)
>(audience cheers)

All: yay...

>Alex:... And welcome back to celbrity

Brandon: 'Celbrity?' Is that even a word?

>jeopardy

Ai: Capitalization!

>we got qute a contest going so lets take a look at the scores...

Brandon: [Eye twitches] My god... this is an English teacher's worst
nightmere!

>In third place, setting a new jeopardy record, Chang Wufei with a
>negitive 130,000 points.

Bryan: [Breaks out calculator and does complicated mathematics] Um...
The maximum amount of points for the first round is 10,050 points.

>Wufei:...(pauses) I know kung fu
>Alex: For the last time no you don't...(pauses and looks at wufei)...
>moving on...in second place is Duo Maxwell with a negitive 12,000
>points , a negitive 12,000 points form answering a number of first
>round question more than once.

Brandon: Is it possible for any human to say a sentance that long
without taking another breath?
Ai: [Tries it. Ai collapses on the floor halfway through.
Brandon: [Smirks] Guess not.

>Duo:(laughing) I'm... I'm doing great Alex

Bryan: [As Duo] I may owe you guys $12,000 and can hardly speak, but I
am OK!

>Alex: Great. In first place is Heero Yuy , with a commending lead
>of 0.

Ai: How can you commend someone for a lead of zero?

>Heero: You'll great the day you crossed me Trebeck.

All: ???

>Alex: Wonderful... Best of luck to you in the next round... It;s now
>time for Double jeopardy...and the caterogories are...Sharp thing...

Brandon: [To the tune of 'Wild Thing'] You make my heart sing!
Ai & Bryan: But I wanna know for sure!

>President who are on the One Dollar bill...the number ten...famous
>titles...Hat, now in tis caterogoy I show you an object and you tell
>me if i is a hat or not..

Bryan: All of those are utterly simple.

>and finally colors who end in -urple.

All: Hmm...

>Since Wufei in third placwe the board is yours.

Brandon: Eh?
Ai: [As Heero] I'm in first placwe!

>Wufei: I'll take...Famous titles for 200
>Alex: The answer is ... This movie title comes from the book...Gone
>with the Wind.
>Wufei: What is...Wizard of Oz.

Bryan: Oh, sure, and Sacrlett O'Hara goes around Georgia, followinng
a yellow brick road.

>Alex: Incorrect
>Wufei: No thats correct
>Alex: No it isn't,
>(Heero buzzing in)
>Alex: Yes Heero
>Heero: What is...What is...(buzzer sounds)
>Alex: Times up. The correc tresonce is. What is Gone with the Wind.

Brandon: [Amazed] It's almost as if a 5-year-old -
Bryan: Or hentai author.
Brandon: got ahold of a keyboard and tried to write something funny.

>Duo: I knew that.
>Alex: No you didn't...Wufei please pick again.
>Wufei: I'll take colors that end in -urple for 400 Alex.
>Alex: The answer is...This color ends in -urple.
>Wufei: What is yellow?

All: [Face-fault]

>Alex: Wrong
>Wufei: Damn
>(Duo buzzing in)
>Alex: Yes Mr. Maxwell
>Duo: What is black?
>Alex: No
>Duo: Orange
>Alex: Wrong
>Duo: Come on

Ai: Good god! What kind of morons are these pilots?

>Alex: No (buzzer sounds Times up, the correct resonce is Purple.
>Heero the board is yours so I'll pick a catergoy fpr you.
Bryan: What the hell was that?
>Lets try... the number 10 for 1000. In this caterogory the coreect
>answer to every question is 10, when I stop talking just say 10..let
>give it a shot...This is How many fingers you have.
>Heero: 5
>Alex: No!
>(Duo buzzing in)
>Duo: What is 6?
>ALex: Wrong
>(Wufei buzzing in)
>Wufei: What is 9?

Brandon: Why do we have to watch this?

>ALex: No (buzzer sound) And the correct responcer is ten...You have
>ten fingers.

Bryan: [Looks at his hands and sarcastically says.] Wow! I had no clue!

>Heero: I'll sjow you a finger Trebeck.

Ai: [Whispers] I'll sjow you some whiskey at home Brandon...
Brandon: No thanks.

>Alex: (buzzer sounds) And that is the end of Double Jeopardy. It is
>now time for final jeopardy category is, now just answer the question
>where are you right now
>(Jeopardy theme song plays)
>Alex: You maybe at a game show...Califorina...or even Earth
>(Song ends)
>Alex: Alright let get this over with...Duo you wrote...Go and you
>wragered For it...Go for it. You certnily did.

Bryan: I don't get it.

>Duo: (laughs)

>All: -_-'

>Alex: Ok...Heero you worte...you wrote...good lord you wrote
indoors, are we recording this

Brandon & Ai: No.

>...and you wragered...10 million dollars
>(Heero, Duo, and Wufei laughs)

Ai: So they had no money, but could wage ten million bucks?
Brandon: It works in Las Vegas.

>Alex: Wonderful...that all the time we have for celebrity jeopardy...
>I'm going home and shot my self goodnight

Bryan: So, Alex shot himself at home, and is still able to host this
travesty?
Ai: Yep.

>(Jeopardy theme song plays and ends)

Brandon: It's over!
All: Thank god! [They scramble out of the theater, running over Dirk]

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[S3's office. Ai, Brandon, and Bryan enter and sit down on the three
seats. Dirk Gently limps in, and stands behind the group.Brandon
stares straight ahead. Ai & Bryan are talking and pointing to a
single sheet in front of them. They hand it to S3.]

S3: What the hell is this?

Ai: Our demands. If you insist on forcing us to watch horrible
fanfiction, we want some stuff. Go ahead, take a look.

S3: [Begins reading the list] Laptops for everybody, [raises an
eyebrow and looks at the three in front of him] a weekend for Ai
and Brandon in Barbados. [Brandon looks nervously at Ai who smiles
cheerily at him], a snack bar, a bar, Flintstones Vitamins, and
the list goes on... What's next? A kitchen Sink?

Bryan: [Smiles] Item number 33. It's for me.

S3: No on all of the list, except for the weekend in Barbados
[Ai smiles] and the two bars. [pauses for a moment] Um... how old
are you guys?

Brandon: [Looks nervously at Ai] Um... 16.

Ai: 17.

Bryan: 16.

S3: Aw, what the hell! Sure, you get the bar. [plane tickets and
entrances for the bars appear in their respective places. Bryan
stares at S3]

Bryan: What the hell?

S3: [Shrugs] I'm the author.

Bryan: Are refreshments allowed in the theater?

S3: No. The cleaning bill would get too high.

Bryan: Damn you. Anything else?

S3: No. Dismissed.

Ai: [Yanks Brandon to his feet and runs out of the office, him
trailing behind.] Yeehaw! We're going to Barbados, honey! Let's go
pick out my bikini!

Brandon: Help...

Bryan: I'll be in the bar. Make sure the next fanfic's a lemon.

S3: No promices.

Bryan: Fine...[leaves]

[Interrupt Transmission.]