The Adventures of Solid Snake and Pikachu! Part 2!

Solid Snake. .Pikachu. We're doomed. Again.

When we last left our captives they had been dragged into the theater by R2, and started to MST
their final fic together. We rejoin them at pretty much the same moment we left. I think.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>(Scene change. Daylight now. Snake and Pikachu are making their way through the jungle.
>Snake is not enjoying himself.

R2: Well, of COURSE. Saving the world from nuclear Armageddon is NEVER fun.

>Pikachu is having the time of her life)
>
>PIKACHU:(points to something) Pik, pik!
>
>SNAKE:(weary) Yeah, whatever.

Chau: [As Valley Girl Snake.] Yeah, like, whateverrr.

>
>PIKACHU:(frowns) Pika?

S3: It heard us!

>
>SNAKE: Yeah, I'm okay. Do you have to keep doing that?

R2: AAH! Mental image! Mental image!
Duo: [Smirks.] And… what might she be doling?

>(Pikachu nods) Well, cut it out.

S3: ...and what might she be doing?
Chau: [Whaps S3.] Hentai!
S3: Ow! [Sighs.] Great... first Sanzo, now you. I'm being labeled like Keitaro from 'Love Hina...'

>
>PIKACHU:(makes pucker face)

Duo: Then she shouldn’t be in lemons.

>Pi.
>
>SNAKE: 3.14,

All: Huh?

>I know.(smiles)

S3 & R2: CUT IT OUT!
Duo: What are you two shouting about?
S3: Think about it. Solid Snake.
R2: Smiling.
Chau & Duo: [Shudder horribly.]

>You make it very hard for me to get mad at you, know that?

S3: Now, that sounds like my relationship with my girlfriend.

>You must affect everyone that way.

All guys: NOT US!

>
>PIKACHU:(nods, proud) Pika, pi.
>
>SNAKE:(nods) Yeah, she's like that. Naomi keeps counting the days till my next stay of execution. Ugh. Foxdie hasn't kicked in yet. Know why?

Chau: [As an EERILY accurate Solid Snake.] Kojima wants another game or two.
S3: Hey, Metal Gear Solid 3 is gonna be COOL!

>Medical insurance.

R2: Damn HMOs.

>
>PIKACHU: Pika, pi.(pricks ears up)

R2: Pikachu being a prick. That’s new.

>Pika!
>
>SNAKE:(takes out a gun)

All: Shoot him/her/it! SHOOT HIM/HER/IT!

>Where?

Duo: TRY LOOKING AROUND!

>
>(Soliders and Pokemon that are weird looking

R2: DEFINITION, please!
S3: ALL of them are weird looking!

>burst from the jungle. Panicked, Pikachu jumps on Snake's head)
>
>SNAKE: Hey, get off! I'm suffering from lower back pain

Chau: That must come from carrying about well over half the world’s weapons on your BACK.

>AND you're gonna get us killed!

S3: Um… Snake’s being careful. WHERE ARE WE NOW?!?!
R2: You tell us, Ryoga. [Smirks.]
Duo: Ryoga? Huh?
S3: Inside joke.

>
>(Pikachu blasts the Pokemon from her vantage point.

Chau: …thus frying Snake, because he’s touching Pikachu and the ground at the same time.
Duo: Ouch.

>Snake does the rest. They move on, quite satisfied with themselves)

All: EWWW!

>
>SNAKE: You know, that was the stupidest thing you've ever done in your life.

Duo: Now would probably not be the best time to remind Snake of the weekend in Maui with Meryl, would it?
S3: OR the several times Pikachu has ‘been’ with Ash.
R2: Those rate pretty high…

>I wish I could kick you

All: DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

>but kids are reading this story PLUS it's rated PG so

Chau: …swear away! Just don’t include ANY hint of violence OR sex, OR blood.

>forget ANY violence.(pets the mouse instead. Pikachu smiles) I thee hither.

All: Wha?

>
>(Hours pass. Snake gets hungry so

R2: …he ate the little rat and went home. The end.
Chau: Is he always like this, dark and disturbing?
S3: Yep, and his girlfriend, Sephira wouldn’t have it any other way.

>they stop for brunch. He opens the bag and gets a surprise)
>
>SNAKE: What the BLEEP!

R2: BLEEP? What the [BLEEP] is BLEEP? [Pauses. Looks about.] Ah, [BLEEP]. Who’s got the [BLEEP]-ing BLEEP machine? [Looks up at the projection room.] Brandon?
Brandon: [BLEEP] Hahahahaha!
R2: Come here, you mother [BLEEP]-er! [Charges into the ‘projection room.’]
Brandon: AHHHHH!!! Get away!

>(jerks around startled) BLEEP, the censors kicked in.

[The sounds of EXTREME pain are heard. After several minutes, R2 walks back into the theater, a smile on his face.]
S3: What’d you just do?
R2: Killed that [BLEEP]- [Looks about in surprise.]
Brandon: [Weakly.] Ha…
R2: What the [BLEEP]? [Begins to run back, but S3 stops him.]
S3: I’ll handle this. [Walks back there. Comes back a bit later – holding a small bit of machinery in his hand.] You forgot to take this. [Drops it down under his foot and smashes it.]
R2: That ought to teach the [BLEEP]. [Pause.] ARGH!

>takes out gun and shoots the censor machine)

Brandon: [Screams in pain.] MY HAND! THAT BASTARD SNAKE GOT MY HAND!

>Teaches them to restrict my civil rights.

R2: DAMN STRAIGHT!

>Why are we out of food?
>
>PIKACHU:(looks away) Pika, pi.
>
>SNAKE:(yells) You WHAT?!

Duo: She ate it all. Duh.

>
>Pikachu nods.

Duo: I called it…

>
>SNAKE: Why did you eat it all? Didn't it occur to you I had to eat too?
>
>PIKACHU:(looks at feet) Chu.

R2: Hold it… Stop the fic. I just remembered something… [Turns to face the camera.] Kids, don’t do drugs, stay in school.
Chau: You done yet?
R2: Yeah…

>
>SNAKE:(head in hands) No use getting pissed off about it.

Duo: What's she gonna do? Charge your batteries!?

>But we have no food now. How bout that morbid thought?
>
>PIKACHU:(lightbulb flashes above her head and she grins)

Chau: Oh no! It’s her special attack!

>Pika! (Runs off into bushes)
>
>SNAKE: Hey, get back here! We still have some comedic sparring to do!

All: [Sarcastically.] HAH!!!

>
>(No reply. Pikachu does not return)

All Guys: Whohoo!!!

>
>SNAKE:(sits down to wait) That little rat better come back. I'll never get my own TV series OR
>my paycheck. The pay sucks, but who cares? Damn, why did Liquid have to croak? Whooping
>his butt was the single most happening thing in my life and I don't even have that until MGS2
>comes out which is taking WAY too long.

Chau: It's already been released and beaten to a nice fine pulp.

>(pauses) I hope that rat's okay.
>
>(Hours pass. Pikachu returns with fanfare)

R2: Damn! I lost the bet…

>
SNAKE:(draws gun) God, you scared me! Where the hell have you been?

PIKACHU:(holds up a dead snake) Pikachu!

Duo: [As Mr. Rogers] Can you say snake? [Smiles.] I knew you could.

>
>SNAKE:(taps foot) Ha, ha, very funny. Oh no, we're supposed to eat THAT?

S3: Snake eating a snake… how interesting.

>
>PIKACHU:(nods, smiles) Pika, pi!
>
>SNAKE:(picks up dead thing by extreme tip of tail) This is what happens when a writer wants
>to create a deep profound meaning by having me consume my own namesake. Character
>assassination is more like it.

S3: Duh.

>
>PIKACHU:(shrugs) Chu.
>
>(Snake and Pikachu chow down, all the while keeping watch (mind you they did cook it))

Chau: At least they’re one up on survivor!

>
>SNAKE:(checks map) I wonder how far we are from the enemy base now? Ah, good. Just a few
>more miles through insanely steaming jungle to kick butt, destroy the evil masses and get picked
>up by chopper Predator-style with syrupy music in the background.(to Pikachu) Ready to go on?
>
>PIKACHU:(nods) Pi, pi.
>
>(They trek on)

S3: [Stands up, somehow in a Star Trek: The Next Generation uniform. You know, the one on the TV from the last season.] Space… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Metal Gear. It’s oddly-written mission: to explore strange new gaming consoles, to seek out new ways to make money and get more fans. To boldly go where no gaming franchise has gone before!
R2: [Mock clapping.] Nice. Pointless, but nice.

>
>(Pikachu skips ahead of Snake, notices a huge building right smack dab in the center of a crater
>in the middle of the island in such a way only satellites could've seen it. Snake drops down on
>his stomach, his sniper rifle coming out of nowhere. Pikachu is still standing so Snake has to
>push the little rat's head down)

All: NO! Keep the head UP!

>
>SNAKE: You look like a bloomin headlight!

Chau: …so he's English now!?!?

>(Pauses) Whoa, I've been fighting with my brother WAY too long.

Duo: Actually, that would only be a problem if you talk for 45 minutes straight, then fight like a complete wuss.
S3: …Right.

>
>PIKACHU:(angry) Pika!
>
>SNAKE: I don't care if you can't see. Right now, that's not important!
>
>PIKACHU:(stares at gun) Pikachu?
>
>SNAKE: Where did my gun come from? How should I know?

Duo: No pockets. No holdsters. Only one hole left… [Shudders.] You do the math…
Chau: [Hits Duo.] PERVERT!
S3: [Shudders.] It's either that or hammer space...

>
>(Pikachu shrugs and squints down at the base. Soldiers and Pokemon can be seen patrolling the
>outside)
>
>SNAKE: I always wondered why people were so reluctant to combine Pokemon and Metal
>Gear.

R2: Because then you'd get a 50-foot tall Jigglypuff that can fire MISSLES!!!

>Now I see why. It looks pretty stupid.

S3: Naah…

>If I weren't restricted by the rating of this fanfic, I'd just throw a pineapple.

Duo: This is getting really fruity…

>
>PIKACHU:(cocks head) Pika, pika?
>
>SNAKE: No, not the fruit. Can't you speak English or something?
>
>PIKACHU: OK, if you insist.

R2: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Others: (Facefalt)

>
>SNAKE:(mouths drops to ground) ?!

S3: …he's got more than one!?

>
>PIKACHU: My mother always told me to speak properly. I just got a kick out being so cute.

S3: I don’t even want to comment there.

>
>SNAKE: Why? It grates my cast iron nerves.

All: [Cock heads like the RCA dog in the ads.] Wha???

>PIKACHU: It appeals to the three year olds and anime fanatics who watch my show.(waves at
>us all) Hey, guys! Be sure to donate four cans of food now!

R2: [Ranting and muttering to himself.] Must kill Pikachu! Must kill Pikachu!

>
>SNAKE: Kill me now.

R2: The line starts behind me, pal!

>Most 3 year olds can't even read yet and anime fanatics. . . well, no passing judgment there.
>Why stick to the program in this fic?
>
>PIKACHU: Hey, I'm an actor, sweetheart. Gotta stay in char.

Duo: [Incredulous.] ‘Stay in Char?’ But… Char’s the ace from the classic Gundam show…
Chau: [Hits Duo.] Let’s not go there.

>
>SNAKE: Aren't you afraid you'll turn into a much for brains with all that saccharine mockery?

S3: Much too late for that. Ugh…

>
>PIKACHU: This is where I return the favor. Aren't you afraid you'll get Gulf War Syndrome
>and get PTSS?

S3: Once again… MUCH too late for that.

>
>SNAKE: May I remind you I am purely the creation out of the mind of a human being. I'm a
>video game character and incapable of getting PTSS unless the screenplay says so!

R2: Ah… so that explains everything.
Duo: What? You thought Solid Snake was a real person? [Begins laughing. R2 whacks him upside the head.] Ow!

>
>PIKACHU: That explains a lot of things about you.

All: Hey! Snake’s a LOT better than you!

>
>SNAKE:(rolls eyes) Are we going to sit here and argue about crap

Duo: [As Ash.] I choose you, Crapu-chu! [R2 and S3 pummel him again.]

>or are we gonna save the world?
>
>PIKACHU:(slyly) What, you scared someone else is gonna steal your thunder?

S3: What? Like Raiden?

>
>SNAKE: I like you better when you were dumb, know that?

All: Thank you lord.
NO PROBLEM
All: O.o

>
>PIKACHU: Ha, ha. That's what you get for asking me to speak. Now I'm an irredeemable
>smartass you'll probably wind up killing by accident.

Chau: Thank god! I liked IT better when It didn’t even say anything.

>
>SNAKE: Nah, I'll leave that to other fan fic writers.

S3 & R2: [Look at each other.] Sure, don’t mind if we do.

>
>PIKACHU: Oh, ho, ho. I'd rather you come to the premiere of my next movie.

R2: [Growling.] Not if I can help it.
S3: [Taps him on the shoulder.] Um… you can’t.
R2: …shut up…

>SNAKE:(voice of doom) NO.
>
>PIKACHU: Eye for an eye, man.
>
>(Somewhere in the world Otacon is reading this fan fic and laughs so hard he falls out of his
>chair and loses to Super Mario brothers)

Duo: This is getting WAY too easy, you know that?

>
>SNAKE: Okay, sure, fine, whatever. Let's make like real heroes that never exist except in the
>Die Hard flicks.
>
>PIKACHU: I loved those movies!

R2: Well, that’s ONE person…

>
>(They head down toward the enemy base, careful to keep under cover)
>
>SNAKE: You're a Bruce Willis fan?
>
>PIKACHU: Yeah, that guy kicks butt! Why?

R2: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Chau: What’s the matter?
R2: [Sobbing.] She’s RIGHT! He DOES kick ass!

>
>SNAKE: I dunno, I've always preferred Arnold.
>
>PIKACHU: But he doesn't make that many movies anymore. (They move under huge foliage
>cover six feet from the base)
>
>SNAKE: You know, you're right. That last movie he made, what, End of Days kind of sucked.
>
>PIKACHU:(whispers) We're becoming distracted here. Get with it.

Duo: Damn. Just when their ‘witty banter’ was getting halfway somewhat semi-interesting…

>
>SNAKE:(grits teeth) Don't EVER tell me what to do. (Thinks a moment, scanning the area,
>picking out options) OK, see that guard over there? When a ? appears over his head, that's when
>you zap him.
>
>PIKACHU: A what?
>
>SNAKE: Question mark. Sorry, I make so many of those things myself I forgot what to call em.
>And I'll take out that guard over there with a cigarette in his mouth. (His face gets longing)
>Yeah, cigarettes. . . .

R2: God… If I only my Angel Arm had some ammo in it…
Duo: What, you’d shoot the screen?
R2: [Whacks Duo.] NO! I’d shoot myself!

>
>PIKACHU:(smacks Snake upside the head) Snap outta it! Once you quit, that's it. Do you really
>want to sit through those DARE classes again?
>
>SNAKE:(horror) Hell, no! (Gets into position) Ready?
>
>PIKACHU: I was born ready.

Duo: [As Pikachu.] …thanks to those bastards at Nintendo…
S3: Hey! I LIKE Nintendo! It’s just that Pokemon sucks…

>
>SNAKE: How cliche.
>
>PIKACHU: Well, I was told if this fan fic was going to be really cheesy I'd have to say cheesy
>lines.

Chau: Pokemon characters saying something cheesy… that’s new.

>
>SNAKE: Yeah, well I hope you got all of them. I never rock and roll if I can help it.
>
>PIKACHU: No, you just roll. Any case, I'm ready. . .for what again?
>
>SNAKE:(thinks) I'm not sure anymore. We keep going off the script. Heck, just zap that guy
>and we'll call it a day.

All: …
Chau: There’s a script?

>
>PIKACHU: Sure.(runs to the guard, skids to a halt with a screeching tire sound. The ? Appears
>over the guard's head. Pikachu zaps his butt and he is sent skyward)
>
>SNAKE:(comes to stand beside her) Whoa, how'd you do THAT?
>
>PIKACHU: It's a gift. My theory is villains are so stupid the brain mass is light so therefore it's
>easier to kick them over - or send flying. My secret is jet-fuel. Now what?

R2: That’s it… we’ve GOT to kill her…
All: [Nod in agreement.]

>
>SNAKE:(narrows eyes like Dirty Harry) We go in and turn the house upside down without a
>single noise.
>
>PIKACHU:(searches around for the camera Snake is apparently looking into) Are we on or
>something? TV Guide did want to interview me.

S3: Like hell!

>
>(They enter the base and it takes about five minutes for Snake and Pikachu to infiltrate the base
>and take out every single minion there. The base is now empty of all enemies. Since the FMV
>sequence has yet to kick in, they're stuck in a computer room waiting)
>
>SNAKE:(looks at watch) The Main Boss should be here by now. Who do you think it is?

R2: It’s ME. My only attack is to dump water on that ELECTRIC rat.

>
>PIKACHU:(hops on a desk) I'm not sure. It could be that ninja guy from your game.
>
>SNAKE: No, he's dead.

Chau: So’s that Jason guy, and he keeps coming back for another movie…

>
>PIKACHU: He is? Man, I wanted to his number.

Duo: Oh, sure… Men love the big furry yellow electric rat look…

>(sees Snake's stare) Hey, I'm a single woman!
>
>SNAKE: I didn't say anything.

Duo: Nope, I did. Got a problem with that?

>
>(The door opens to reveal. Snake and Pikachu snap to attention. Revolver Ocelot walks in
>hauling a tied up very peeved Meryl with him)

S3 & R2: [In tandem.] Oh, sure… that’s new…

>
>SNAKE:(shock) Meryl, what are you doing here?

Chau: [Rolls her eyes.] Sure, like the ROPES weren’t a dead giveaway…
Duo: [Snickers.] Meryl’s into S&M… [WHAP!] Ow…

>
>MERYL:(rolls eyes) Ask him. I was out food shopping when this doof abducts me at the cash
>register. Something about being his ace in the hole hostage.
>SNAKE:(cocks gun) What's the matter with you? You got some sort of fixation on my gf?

R2: [As Squall, from Final Fantasy 8.] Need to use my Guardian Forces… Lessee… I’ve got the Guardian Force (GF) summons Ifrit, Shiva, Eden, MERYL?!?!? What the…?

>
>(Suddenly the closed set wall caves in and Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy 8 falls in)

S3: I guess the ‘gf’ thing was kinda ominous…

>
>SEIFER:(off screen) Oh damn, not again.

Duo: [As Seifer.] Oh, I just can’t HANDLE this! I’m gonna be in my trailer!

>
>SQUALL:(gets up holding his gunblade, inclining his head at Snake) Sorry bout that.

Chau: Oh, great… He’s a Canadian…

>
>SNAKE: Don't worry about it, kid. Now get back to your little teeny bopper game.
>
>MERYL:(stares at Squall with a woe-be-gone look) Oh, now THAT'S a man!

Duo: Who wants to see Meryl and Rinoa in a cat fight? [Guys raise hands.] Thought so. [Chau hits him.]

>
>SQUALL: Ma'am, I'm only 17. I haven't even graduated from high school yet and my mom's
>pissed at me already for blowing off college for this whole video game business.

R2: Yeah, and the fact that his mother is dead has NO basis on this…

>See ya.(starts to leave and stops to glare at Snake) Teeny bopper, huh? At last the graphics in
>MY game don't suck.(exist)

Duo: YES, Squall DOES exist.

>
>PIKACHU: Now where were we?
>
>OCELOT: I was just getting to my villain's evil laugh. I'll skip it. I'm a class A bad guy and a
>formidable gunfighter. . . what the hell is that?! (sees Pikachu) Don't tell me Nintendo intends to
>steal all of our glory.
>
>SNAKE: Funny you should say that.(Shoots Ocelot with a trank gun) Now that's what I call an
>ace in the hole.(Ocelot passes out)
>
>(For no reason at all, Sepiroth from FF7 runs across the set screaming "I AM THE PLANET!"
>over and over again, being chased by Cloud Strife right into the set of FF8. The characters
>ignore it)

R2: Yet ANOTHER good game RUINED by this author! It MUST be stopped!

>
>(Pikachu unties Meryl who runs and gives Snake a hug)
>
>MERYL: That was great but really weird. And too easy. How come you carry tranks now?
>
>SNAKE:(points to Ocelot) That's why. Want me to finish him off?
>
>PIKACHU: Allow me.(zaps Ocelot) OK, done.

R2: And the electricity sets off all the bullet in the gun, killing EVERYONE.
S3: I don’t think so…
R2: …I can DREAM, can’t I?

>
>SNAKE: Aw man, I was supposed to do that.
>
>MERYL:(picks Pikachu up) Aw, she's so cute!

Duo: Yet ANOTHER victim taken by Pikachu.
S3: Why, God, why?

>
>PIKACHU: I know. Ain't I?
>
>MERYL:(puts her down) Not with that attitude.(turns to Snake) Guess we're done here, huh?
>SNAKE:(puts away gun) Sure.(glances at watch)
>
>DIRECTOR: And cut! Great job guys. Don't worry about the wall.

All: …Hideo Kojima…?

>
>SNAKE: Yeah, right you can just go talk to it.

Duo: ..please, shoot me…
R2: [Holds up gun that forms the Angel Arm and pulls the trigger. Click.] Sorry, outta ammo.

>
>SQUALL:(walks in) Damn, that was rough. Hey, Snake me and my girlfriend are going out for
>coffee. Wanna come?
>
>SNAKE:(hooks arms with Meryl) Sure. Wait, don't you have homework?
>
>SQUALL: Yeah, but I'm paying Pikachu to do it.(squats down and slaps a five dollar bill in the
>rodent's hand) And ten more if I get an A.

S3: Fifteen bucks to do honework?
R2: Wait, isn’t Squall’s homework saving the world?
[Long pause.]
All: We’re doomed.

>
>PIKACHU: Wait, no way you guys, I'm not going to . . .(stops when they're gone) Darn
>it.(smiles evilly) Hee, hee. . . got five free bucks out of some dumb punk! Whoo-hoo!
>
>(Sepiroth comes crashing in again)

Duo: [As Sephiroth.] I knew I should have taken that last right turn…

>
>SEPIROTH: I AM THE PLANET, I AM THE PLANET!
>
>PIKACHU:(screams like a little girl, which she is) Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

All: …

>
>(Pikachu runs off the set, Sepiroth in hot pursuit, with Cloud on his tracks)
>
>(Scene switches to Zidane and Princess Garnet from FF9 who have their own show like Siskel
>and Ebert)
>
>GARNET:(looks at Zidane) What the heck was that?
>
>ZIDANE: I'm not sure. I think that was the bloopers video.

R2: Ok… that’s it. I’m gone. I’m gonna be outside if anyone needs me. [Leaves.]

>
>GARNET:(yawns) Oh well. Let's go save Vivi.

Chau: Ooh! The Orko wannabe!

>
>ZIDANE:(slaps forehead) Oh crap, I forgot about him!
>
>(They exit the movie theater)

Duo: Can we do the same yet?
S3: Nope. Just a bit left…
Duo: [Pouting and whining.] But, R2 left!

>
>
>Sara, the writer of this fic would like to give thanks to all the video game characters who
>participated in the making of this fanfic and any inquiries into her sanity while writing this shall
>thusly NOT be answered. (AN: Now if you'll excuse me, I have an FF8 fic to get back to
>writing. . .)

Chau: And yet, she wrote this…
Duo: [Shakes his head.] Shame, really…

>
>

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the MST was done, everyone’s bags were packed as they were shoved onto the shuttle that would take them up to the waiting MST ship in space. R2 waved goodbye and then headed back to the school, grumbling about Pearl.

The End.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Credits:

S3 – Himself
Duo Maxwell– Himself
Chau Masters - Herself
R2 - Himself

Original fic by: I don't care. It's that bad.

Script: S3 and R2

Plot by: S3

Cool music listened to while writing by: bestanime.com

Special thanks to:
-The creators of MST3K
-Mblow0t5
-Everyone who waited for another update

Stinger:

"SEPIROTH: I AM THE PLANET, I AM THE PLANET!"