I am Herne the Hunter, Lord of the Trees.

Herne is the God of Nature, he resides in Sherwood, where he watches over his son and the impoverished people of England. We are very fortunate to glimpse him, normally he shrouds himself in mists, invisible to the mortal eye, we are very fortunate indeed.

He does tend to be a bit cryptic with his remarks and interpretations of visions. Some people whisper that a god that runs around in the head of stag can't be, you know, all right in the head. But don't tell that to his face! I wouldn't want a God, no matter how loony, angry at me!

Herne is really helpful, he is just full of advice. If you have a letter you would like Herne to help you, e-mail funnyface_112005@yahoo.com and he will post it here with his helpful answers if he can.

Herne's Helpful Advice

By Herne the Hunter, Lord of the Trees

Dear Herne,

I am having a problem. Both my hands have been chopped off by the Sheriff for poaching, and now I have no way to feed myself or my wife and three children. What can I do?

Sincerely,

Handless and Helpless in Nottingham

Well Handless, I do indeed have some advice for you. But first I really must ask, How where you stupid enough to get caught? Gisbourne and his foresters are the most incompetent people in all of England! Not that it really matters now. You are going to have to do one of three things: 1. Teach your wife to poach and hope she is better then you 2.Teach your children to poach and hope they are better then you OR 3. Get a job that doesn't require hands, like being a soldier, even the ones with hands aren't any good.

Dear Herne,

My milk goat is sick, and my children desperately need milk. I have no money to by another goat. I don't know what to do.

Sincerely,

Goat Tired in Huntington

If you need milk, kill soldiers! I don't really know how that will help you get milk, but you should try it. At least it will help you get your frustration out. Killing soldiers is your civic duty. Maybe you will get lucky and kill a soldier with a goat.