(: Or I Massacre the Brother’s Grimm! :)
Author’s Notes: Kay, kiddies! If you see something enclosed in these: (: :) it is a comment made by me, and can thusly be ignored!
Once upon a time, there was a Watcher, the ruler of a great
and magnificent country called Cali Fornia.
And King Giles had his castle in the ruling city of Sunny Dale, which
also held the Mouth of Hell. But no
one talks about that much.
And the good and wise Watcher had seven children whom he
loved dearly and with all his heart. There
was the eldest Buffy, who was the Chosen One.
She had been trained to fight and kill the evil demons that often tried
to take over the kingdom.
Next came the twins: Oz and Devon. Oz was also a werewolf,
but had learned to control his wolf. He
was quiet and insightful. And
played guitar in a famed band called ‘Dingoes Ate My Baby.’ Devon was sexy and beautiful.
He was the singer in the ‘Dingoes’.
Then came the triplets: Willow, Tara, and Jesse (: he’s
not dead in my world! :). Willow
and Tara were renowned and loved throughout the land for their amazing and
marvelous skills in the arts of witchcraft.
Jesse was a vampire, but he had been saved from being slain by a curse
that held his soul to his body.
Finally, the youngest was Xander, who was all dark hair and
muscles and chocolate puppy eyes. He
could find humor in anything, and was loved by the entire land (: What?! Let the
poor boy be happy for once! :). All
his siblings took very good care of him and protected him, for they loved him
the most.
Now the seven siblings, often referred to as the Scoobies,
fought evil every day and night and averted apocalypses almost monthly.
And when they would get home, tired and bloody from their exertions, they
would clean themselves up and almost immediately fall into their beds.
And here was a curious thing, for their father, King Giles, was very
nervous that evil would come and kill his precious children while they slept.
So, the seven slept in one room, with the four boys’ beds on the left
side of the room and the three girls’ bed on the right.
A divider curtain could be pulled for privacy (: ‘cause I don’t care
what you say, people. We’re not
in Alabama. :).
Once they were settled in for the night, King Giles would
carefully lock, deadbolt, and then magically ward the door to the windowless
room. But for the past few months,
when he unsealed and opened the door, the Scoobies’ shoes were all tattered
and worn out from dancing. So King
Giles often had to take his children shoe shopping, a task that frightened even
the most hardened criminals in the castle dungeons.
This was because the boys would do anything to avoid shopping and the
girls turned into howling shopping maniacs.
Now, King Giles was getting tired of the shoe shopping and he was also very worried for the safety of his children, so he send out a royal decree stating that anyone who could discover where his children were going at night, would be awarded the hand of one of his children in marriage. But if the problem hadn’t been solved in the three nights allotted, the would-be suitor would be imprisoned in the castle dungeon.
So a Watcher-prince came to the city of Sunnydale and went
to the castle boldly proclaiming he would discover the secret in only one night.
So he was locked into the Scoobies’ bedroom that night, but, alas,
though he tried, the prince could not stay awake and thus did not discover the
secret. The next two nights passed the same way, and the
Watcher-prince was thrown into the dungeon.
Next came a prophetess to the castle to try her luck, but
she fared the same as the Watcher-prince before her. Then a demon prophet, but he too failed.
The fourth to try was a souled vampire.
The entire castle was abuzz, certain that the vampire would discover the
secret. He came in all broody and
sorrowful, telling King Giles he would solve the problem.
So he too was locked into the bedroom.
And before they got into bed, Buffy offered the vampire a cup of warm
blood. He eagerly drank it, pleased with the hospitality (: But not
too happy. This isn’t an Angelus
story :). Soon afterward, he fell
fast asleep, a rare thing, since vampires are creatures of the night and all.
And he fell asleep the next two nights and was promptly imprisoned when
he could not produce the secret of the Scoobies’ nighttime dancing.
And so many came, male and female, to try to discover the
secret. And woe to them, for they
all slept, whilst the Scoobies continued with what they were doing secretly (:
Not that! You’re sick!
They’re all related in this story.
May I remind you we are not in Alabama or Missouri? :).
And so, there came a weary vampiric-traveler to Cali Fornia.
He had been searching for his Dark Princess and finally gave up.
It was then he met a cloaked man on the side of the road.
“ ‘Ey now! Wot are you
doing there?” asked the tired vampire.
“Merely resting,” said the concealed man.
“You may join me if you wish. Where
are you heading?”
“Dunno,” said the bleached vampire, coming to sit by
the fire. “Was looking for my Dru.
Now I’m not. I was thinking on visiting the Hellmouth and finding out the
Scoobies’ secret. But then I
heard they dusted me sire. And
I’m not to keen on dying.”
The cloaked man laughed.
“Dying as in being killed.
Not my hair. Bloody wanker,”
sneered the vampire, unamused.
“They’ve actually only been imprisoning the ones who
fail. But, I can tell you what you
need to know to know. It’ll cost
you though,” said the still unidentified man.
“Wot do you want for your help?” asked the vampire
uncertainly.
“Only that you mention my name to the King.
I wish to see him again,” said the man.
“Your name? And
that would be…”
“Ethan Rayne,” Ethan pulled the hood of his cloak down.
“Thought you sounded familiar. Did you want anything else while I’m here?
We could… reminisce,” said the vampire, quirking an eyebrow.
“Now, now, Spike. That’s
not necessary. Now, listen, because
this is very important,” Ethan gestured for Spike to move in closer.
“Once you’re locked in for the night, they’re going to offer you
some blood. Take it, but don’t
drink it. It’s been drugged.
Make them think you drank it.” Spike
nodded. “Once they think
you’re asleep, they’ll do whatever it is they do.
You can follow them using this,” Ethan handed Spike a ring.
“Put this on and twist the stone to the right, it with make you
invisible. To become visible again,
twist the stone back to the left.”
“Thanks mate,” said Spike.
“I won’t forget this.”
“You better not. I’ll
kill you myself,” laughed Ethan, before disappearing.
“Bollocks,” said Spike, getting to his feet and continuing on to the castle.
When he arrived, nearly at sunrise, the guards ushered him
in and gave him a dark room to sleep in. A
servant telling him to bathe, dress, and feed before coming to the throne room
awakened him at sunset. Once Spike
had put on the fresh clothes and drained the criminal chained in the waiting
room, he quickly made his way to the throne room.
“So you have come to discover the secret?” asked King
Giles wearily.
“Yes, I have, your highness. Nothing can fool me,” said Spike with gusto.
“The others have all said that as well,” snickered
Buffy.
“Shh, you’ll get us in trouble,” whispered Jesse.
“Children!” said King Giles sternly.
“Yes, Father?” they chorused, all looking innocent and
pure. Spike noticed the dark haired
boy with the puppy eyes, and winked at him when the boy turned toward him.
Xander watched the blue-eyed vampire wink at him and
blushed. He turned to Oz and Devon
and whispered to them, “That vamp scares me.
He’s going to find out.”
“Baby brother,” drawled Devon, “he can’t find out
our secret. We’re too good.
It’s a shame he’s going to die like the others.
‘Cause he’s nice-looking.”
“Yeah,” said Oz.
“We’ll be fine.” Then
he and Devon went back to ogling Spike.
Xander sighed.
King Giles led them all to the bedroom, “This door is the
only way in or out of this room. Once
you go in, you’re in for the night.”
Spike nodded and entered the room. The seven Scoobies were already in their beds.
A chair stood near the door, and Spike sat on that.
Then he heard several locks being done, a bolt sliding home, and a quiet
chant. Then silence.
The red haired girl had gotten out of bed.
“Here, sir,” Willow said. “You
must be thirsty after your long journey.”
“Thanks, luv,” Spike said, taking the cup and sniffing
it. “Mmm, human.
What a doll.”
She watched him drink it down, then took the cup back and
returned to her bed. What she
didn’t notice, was that Spike had let the blood dribble down his chin and
catch in a sponge hidden under his chin. He
stealthily removed the sponge and pretended to fall asleep.
“Look at that,” said Buffy, scornfully.
“He didn’t even need the sleeping potion.
He would’ve fallen right asleep.”
“Ugh, it’s a good thing he won’t be finding out.
I wouldn’t want to marry him. Too
many sharp edges,” said Willow.
Tara giggled and agreed.
Then Buffy snickered, “And what’s up with his hair?
Geez, even I don’t use that much bleach.”
“Ah ha! She
admits it!” yelled Jesse.
“No! That’s
not what I meant to say!” Buffy blushed.
“C’mon, you guys!
Our dates are waiting,” said Devon.
“I’m not so sure about this,” said Xander, as Buffy
went to the middle of the floor and tapped three times with her foot.
“Don’t worry, Xand,” said Willow. “The vamp’s going to sleep for hours. Don’t you want to see your princess?”
“I guess. I
just still have this bad feeling, that’s all.”
A section of the floor had sunk, revealing a staircase that wound down
below the castle. After one last
glance at Spike, the seven began descending the stairs.
Once the last had disappeared through the floor, Spike
twisted his ring and quickly followed them down. When Buffy stepped on the seventh step down, the floor slowly
began closing. The seven and Spike
continued down the stairs. Spike
tripped at one point and had to catch himself on Xander.
“Someone grabbed me!
Oh, we should go back!” he shouted.
“Xander! Shhh!”
said Buffy. “There’s no one
here but us. Stop worrying.”
At the bottom of the stairs, lay a glittering forest made
up of silver trees. “Bloody
hell!” said Spike to himself. “I
gotta get me some of this.” So
saying, he pulled a handful of leaves off the nearest tree with a loud rustling
sound.
“Did you hear that?” said Xander nervously.
“Just the wind, man,” said Oz, reassuringly.
“Oh,” said Xander, peeking around to be certain.
Once they were through the silver trees, they came upon
gold trees and then diamond trees. Each
time, Spike grabbed a handful of leaves, and Xander yelled that they were being
followed. Soon, though, they came
to a crystal clear lake. Seven
boats were waiting and the seven each stepped into one, Spike joined Xander in
his.
The magical boats maneuvered across the water swiftly and
soon they were on the other side of the shore, where seven demons waited.
Buffy, Willow, and Tara were all greeted by initiative demons (: Ha
bloody ha! Take that you evil
soldier boys! :). Vampires embraced
Devon and Jesse, while Oz claimed a female werewolf.
Spike watched as Xander nervously approached the last one remaining, a
Slayer.
Buffy and Riley, her demon, were the first ones to start
dancing, with Graham and Forest pulling Willow and Tara onto the dance floor not
long after. Oz and Veruca chose to
run about the grounds and howl at the opal moon. Darla and Jesse were soon dancing as well, while Druscilla
whispered the secrets of the stars to Devon.
Xander looked almost frightened of his dancing partner, the Evil Princess
Faith.
Spike didn’t even follow his Dark Princess, he tailed
Xander and was having fun tripping Faith, tugging on her skirt, and other evil
things. Eventually, Oz and Veruca
showed up on the dance floor and the seven couples partied until their shoes
were in tatters. At about four in
the morning, the seven returned to the boats and began the trudge through the
trees.
Spike hurried ahead of the others and was back in his
chair, feigning sleep when the seven tired Scoobies ascended and returned to
their beds. Buffy glanced
over to the ‘sleeping’ vamp, “See, Xan, he hasn’t moved at all.”
Spike decided not to see anything to King Giles yet, and the next night, and the night after that, he followed the Scoobies to the underground lake and watched them dance their shoes to pieces.
When he summoned Spike, King Giles was not expecting the
vampire to have discovered the secret. He
had resigned himself to the endless torture of shoe shopping with his seven
offspring. “Prince Spike of
Aurelius, have you discovered where my children dance at night?”
“I have, your grace.
Each night, Buffy taps three times on the stone in the middle of their
room. The stone descends and a
staircase leads below the castle, through three forests made of silver, gold,
and diamond, to a clear lake. Seven
magical boats sit on the lake, waiting to carry your children to seven royal
demons, who have been banished from the surface. But,” Spike paused for a moment.
“Yes,” prompted Giles.
“I had a little help.”
“What sort of help?”
“A traveler told me I would be given a sleeping potion,
that’s all,” Spike lied, leaving out the enchanted ring.
“And who was this traveler?”
“Ethan Rayne, sir,” said Spike, watching the king react
to that statement. “He asked that
I only mention his name to you as payment for his help.”
“Well,” said King Giles, speechless.
“Let me bring in the children, and we shall see if your story is
correct.”
The Scoobies were ushered in, a bit worried, for this had
never happened before.
“Prince Spike has informed me of your nightly
whereabouts,” said the Watcher-king.
“And where is it that we go?” simpered Buffy, hoping to
charm her father.
“He says you tap the floor and a staircase is
revealed.”
“I told you he saw us!” whispered Xander.
“Then, you pass through three forests…”
“One of silver,” Spike interrupted the king and pulled
out the silver leaves he had grabbed the first night. He then pulled out the gold leaves, “one of gold, and one
of diamond,” he finished by pulling out the diamond leaves.
“You tricked us!” shrieked Buffy.
“You sought to drug me, and allow me to be killed, as you let countless others be imprisoned,” growled Spike. “Including my sire.”
“Now, now,” said King Giles. “I will allow them to be released since they were tricked.
And you may have your reward. Which
of my children do you choose?”
The three girls looked frightened, Jesse looked remotely
disgusted, Oz and Devon looked hopeful, and Xander just looked sad.
“Why are you sad, Pet?” Spike asked the boy.
“ ‘Cause you’re gonna pick Devon or Oz,” whispered
Xander, looking at the floor.
“Am not,” he said, lifting Xander’s chin until he
could look into the chocolate orbs. “Gonna
pick you.” Spike kissed the boy
softly.
The seven demons were banished to Hell for their meddling ways. And all the prisoners were let out and four of them ended up with the remainder of the Scoobies. Angel with Buffy, Cordelia with Jesse, Wesley with Willow and Tara (: hey, what can I say? :), and Doyle with Oz and Devon (: So they’re a little close for brothers, it’s just a story! :). And Ethan returned to become the King’s consort.
The End (: And they lived happily ever after and had lots of sex, too! :)