Fun With Inter-Dimensional Portals
(Or Lilit and Jericho Play With Things They Shouldn’t)
“Look at what I found in this cave, Lilit! It’s a book of inter-dimensional portal spells! Isn’t that neat?” asked Jericho, showing her fellow partner in crime a large, dusty tome.
“Cave? A cave you say?” asked Lilit, giggling. “Do you forget so quickly that we’re deep under the museum where the slashers of times before left their most precious artifacts?”
“Shhh, you’ll get the mommies and the curators on us, and then where will we be? Back in that damn cage again.” Jericho started thumbing through the book. “Ooo, look, a spell to get us into the Buffy-verse! Quick, let’s go! We can kidnap Lindsey and dark!Wesley and make them have sex!”
“Really? Cool, let’s go!” Lilit said excitedly, completely forgetting about all the trouble they could get into.
Thoughts of a scruffy Wesley and a beautiful Lindsey getting it on drove everything from the two girls’ mind as they chanted the words to the spell. The cave around them dissipated in a silvery light and as their surroundings came back into focus, they found themselves in a nightclub filled with demons.
“I think we’re in Caritas,” whispered Jericho excitedly. She turned slowly, taking in all the sights, until the stage caught her eye and she gazed at the blue-eyed god that graced the stage.
Lilit had started to look around, but her attention was diverted by a green demon.
“Well, hello there, sweetheart. Haven’t seen you here before. I’m Lorne.”
“I’m Lilit, and this is…” said Lilit, turning to point out Jericho, but the auburn-haired girl had disappeared into the crowd. “Jericho?”
“It’s alright, darling. Why don’t you come have a drink?” asked Lorne charmingly, taking her arm and leading her to the bar. “So, where are you from?”
“Oh, we came from the Island.”
“The Island?”
Lilit blushed. “Sorry, we’re from the Island of the Slashaholics. It’s hidden somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. I can’t tell you anymore than that. We’re actually not even supposed to be here. We escaped.”
“Really? Now that’s a story I haven’t heard before.” Lorne hailed the bartender and gave him their order. “So, how did you escape?”
“We found a book of inter-dimensional portals. And chose to come here. Call it a vacation,” giggled Lilit.
“Why here?” Lorne leaned closer. “Are you two planning something?”
The bartender set a drink in front of each of them. Lilit took a sip of hers before replying, “Oh, yeah, but it’s nothing bad.”
“Wanna tell me about it, since it’s nothing bad?”
Lilit took another sip of her drink. “Sure. We’re going to kidnap Lindsey and Wes and make them have sex together. It was Jericho’s idea. She found the book.”
“I see…” Lorne took a sip of his seabreeze and grinned at the girl before him. “Well, in that case, I think I’ll help you. I think those two would make a lovely couple.”
“Really? Cool!” Just as Lilit was about to say something else, Jericho rushed up the two with Lindsey in tow.
“Lilit! Come on! I’ve Lindsey! Let’s go find Wes!”
Lilit stared at Lindsey for a second then smiled an evil looking smile. “Cool! Lorne said he’d help us!”
Lindsey took a step away from the manaically grinning Lilit and looked at Jericho quizzically. “Um, what exactly are we doing?”
“It’s a surprise!” said Jericho happily. “Lorne, do you know where he is right now?”
“Yes, would you like me to take you?”
“Yes!” exclaimed Jericho and Lilit together.
Lindsey just looked at Lorne in confusion. “Lorne, what’s going on?”
Lorne smiled at the confused lawyer. “Don’t worry, sweetcakes, you’re going to like this.” To the girls, he said, “Shall we?”
Lorne had Lindsey drive them to an apartment building. “Alright, darlings, who’s going up to get Wesley with me?”
“Me! Me!” said Jericho, bouncing a bit in her seat.
“Yeah, that’s fine,” sighed Lilit, staring at Lindsey like he was a triple-chocolate-double-fudge-sundae-with-extra-marshmallow-fluff-and-whipped-cream-on-top (mmm, and what if Lindsey was covered in that?).
“We’ll be right back,” said Lorne, leaving a very happy Lilit and a still extremely confused, but exceptionally hot (Lindsey-sundae!), lawyer in the truck.
Jericho knocked on the door of the apartment, grinning like a maniac while she and Lorne waited for Wesley to answer the door.
“Babycakes, if he opens the door and sees that look on your face, we might be in trouble.”
“Sorry,” said Jericho in a tone that screamed she couldn’t care less and definitely wasn’t sorry. “I’m a slash writer. I can’t help it if that makes me look demonic.”
The door opened a crack. “Can I help you?”
“Ooooo….”
“Wesley, darling, love the whole scruffy-I-haven’t-bathed-in-days-look! It’s so you!”
“Lorne… and strange demonic-looking girl, what are you doing here?”
“I’m Jericho, and my friend Lilit and I desperately need your help.”
“Why don’t you try Angel Investigations?” Wesley asked nervously as the girl’s evil-looking smile got even wider.
“Ooo, I bet you’d just like that, wouldn’t you?”
Lorne and Wesley both stared at Jericho, one with confusion on his face, the other with extreme delight.
“Uh, I mean, I can’t go there. The, hehe, problem I’m having is with someone who might get killed (or shagged unconscious) over there. This is something only you can help with!”
“Oh, very well. Now, tell what your problem is, and I might be able to help you.”
“No, no, we need you to come with us!”
Wesley balked, “No! No, this is a trick! You’re some new breed of demon, here to kill me!”
Jericho howled with laughter, “Well, if being an Island Rebel means I’m a demon, you’ve got me pegged, now please, won’t you come? I promise you’ll only be hurt in ways you want!”
“This is a reassuring statement?” Wesley skeptically asked Lorne.
“Apparently, where she comes from, it is,” replied Lorne, repressing giggles.
Turning back to Jericho, Wesley made a stern face. “This had better be a serious problem, young lady. And you had better not be an evil demon.”
Lilit watched Lindsey constantly (lovey, luscious, lickable Lindsey…. Rrrr).
“You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry, you’re so hot.”
Lindsey squirmed uncomfortably. “Thanks, I think.”
“Are you still evil, or have you repented yet?”
“What?” asked Lindsey in confusion. “Look, I still don’t really understand what exactly is going on, so if you would just…”
“Ooooo! They got him! They got him!” squeeled Lilit, bouncing up and down, completely ignoring the gorgeous sex god in the front seat.
“Got who?” Lindsey looked out the window. “Is that…”
“Lindsey MacDonald. Fancy meeting you in this car.”
“Wesley. Good to see you.”
Jericho grinned as she shoved Welsey into the front seat, next to Lindsey, before getting in and shutting the door. Lorne got into the back seat with Lilit.
“Okay, Lorne, you’re our expert of LA. Where do we go now? Are there any places that sell video cameras around here? I assume you would know? Cause everyone on the Island is gonna wanna see this,” bubbled Jericho excitedly, not noticing how frightened and confused Lindsey and Wesley were getting.
“That’s it, you’re a demon, I want out of this car right now,” demanded Wesley hotly (and he is oh-so-hot!).
“I am not a demon! I am a Rebel! And I just wanna video tape you two having sex, is that alright with you? Cause I gotta say, watching you try to crawl over Lindsey to get out of the car isn’t making me wanna see this any less,” snickered Jericho, drooling at the sexy sight.
Lilit nearly fainted. “Calm yourself, my mighty leader! You just gave it away!”
“Oops…”
“You want us to what?!!” exclaimed Lindsey and Wesley simultameously.
They looked at each other for a second, then Wesley said, “Well, he is a nice-looking man. For an evil, souless lawyer, that is.”
“That whole scruffy look you’ve got going on is definitely you,” responded Lindsey, raking his eyes over the rogue demon-hunter’s body.