Like something should be happening but it just isn’t
I want to scream
Pull out my hair strand by strand
Until I sit wondering what is wrong with me
Yet I sit to complacently
So numb, so silent
Thinking out why exactly everything feels so different…
The fact you’re gone-
I feel lost, like I’m in the wrong place in the wrong time
Isn’t there something else I should be doing?
I have this tension, making me want to move
But there is no where to go
You’re not here to occupy my time
The empty minutes I spend thinking of you
The restlessness of your departure which rests on my shoulders
It leaves me so confused to what I really need to do
These feelings leave me so confused. Who is this person with whom I am so unacquainted with? Why do I feel this reoccurring theme to bring people down? But more than that the desire to drown myself. Dig myself deeper and deeper into my own pity. Until there is no where else to go. Trapping myself under lies and falsities. Why is it that only the bad can superficially bring me out of this trance? Make me feel like I matter. I need to get through this. Grow my own conscience. Feel like something in this world is of consequence… but it all seems so dull, so meaningless, so pointless. Why pretend to be someone I’m not? Why not leave myself in this pile of dirt… pile of lies… pile of confusion… suffocating me, I can never escape… never stand on my own two feet-without you. But there is no you. No shoulder, no hope. Stranded alone, with my hole in the ground… hole in my soul. Darkness surrounds me yet I’m in broad daylight- paradox.
