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Full name: Chandler Muriel Bing
Goes by: Chandler
Nicknames that never worked out: The Chan-Chan Man
Age: 33
A word to describe him: Desperate. Quirky.
Favourite food: We know he likes cheesecake.
Known relatives: His father Charles Bing, and his mother, Nora Bing
Lives: Apartment 19 for 1/2 show and 20 for 1/2 show, less then 100 paces from the groups known hangout, Centeral Perk.
Likes: Monica, Fireball, Baywatch, the chick and the duck.
Dislikes: Dogs, commitment, spending money, and on and on
Actor: Matthew Perry
Family
Chandler is an only child who's parents told him they were getting divorced on Thanksgiving Day, so ever since then he hates Thanksgiving.
"All right, I'm nine years old. We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse." - Chandler, TOW Underdog Gets Away
"Mrs. Bing: As I recall when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Mr. Bing: But that was after the wedding, it’s not bad luck then.
Mrs. Bing: Honey, it isn’t good luck." - Mr & Mrs.Bing, TOW Monica & Chandler's Wedding
He was depressed for a long time after his parents split up, and also after Ross and Rachel split up, and has a fear of commitment. Go him.
Roomates & Stuff
For awhile he shared a room with a Jewish guy named Kip, then Joey, and finally he moved in with Monica. He went to college with Ross.
"Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone." - Joey, TOW the Blackout
"Chandler: (entering, slowly) Y’know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Monica: Then you’d be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn’t make any sense.
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I’m saying?
Monica: Live together? There have been no signs for that.
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Monica: Yes.
Chandler: Okay." - Chandler & Monica, TOA Vegas
"Ross: Okay, I think I might know why my parents don’t like you.
Chandler: You do? Why?
Ross: Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
Chandler: What?! Why did you do that?
Ross: I don’t know, aheh, your’s was the first name that-that popped into my head, I’m I’m sorry. I-I didn’t think it would matter.
Chandler: How could it not matter?!
Ross: How was I supposed to know we’d end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister?
Chandler: What about all that “friends forever” stuff?
Ross: I don’t know, I-I was all high." - Ross & Chandler, TOW Ross Gets High
The Wonderful Job
Funny, witty and gorgeous… he works as a data processor and feels his job is not important enough to tell everyone about...so we don't really know what kind of data he processes.
"Chandler: [on phone] Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor?... Yeah, I miss you too. Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know?... Well, that's very generous... er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier?... Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection!.... No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! I'll see you on Monday! [slams the phone down]" - Chandler, TOW the Stoned Guy
[Scene: Chandler's new window office. He is showing Phoebe around.]
"Chandler: Well?
Phoebe: [excited] Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube.
Chandler: Look at this! [he opens the curtain to a view of New York City]
Phoebe: Oh! You have a window!
Chandler: Yes indeedy! [they look outside] With a beautiful view of...
Phoebe: Oh look! That guy's peeing!
Chandler: [walks away from window] OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.
Phoebe: [sitting] OK.
Chandler: This is great! [he presses a button on his intercom] Helen, could you come in here for a moment?
[An unamused woman walks into the office.]
Chandler: Thank you Helen, that'll be all.
[She leaves, obviously perturbed.]
Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise."
- Phoebe & Chandler, TOW the Stoned Guy
"Chandler: Uh, Yes. Yes. I've just been going over your data here, and little thing, you've been post-dating your Friday numbers.
Nina: Which is bad because--?
Chandler: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.
Nina: Your--Excuse me?
Chandler: WENUS. Weekly Estimated Net Usage Statistics." - Chandler & Nina, TOW Two Parts, Part 1
"Ross: What is Chandler Bing’s job?
(The girls are stumped)
Rachel: Oh gosh, it has something to do with numbers.
Monica: And processing.
Rachel: He carries a briefcase.
Ross: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.
Monica: It’s umm, it has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, he’s a transponce—transpondster!
Monica: That’s not even a word! I can get this! I can
get this!" - Monica, Ross, & Rachel, TOW The Embryos
Chandlerisms
He is the comedian in the gang and is always cracking a joke and making people laugh. His repartees and witty observations of life form the backbone of his comedy.
"Ross: I don't know what I'm gonna do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare!
Chandler: Oh, I know, this must be so hard. "Oh no, two women love me! They're both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet's too small for my fifties AND MY DIAMOND SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT!" - Ross & Chandler, TOW the List
"(Rachel and Ross fighting)
Rachel: And just so you know, its NOT normal, and it DOESN'T happen to every guy!
Chandler: (jumps out from behind door) I KNEW IT!" - Rachel & Chandler, TOW the Jelly Fish
"Ross: I found a note on my door, "Come to Monica’s quick, bring champagne and a Three Musketeers bar."
Joey: (grabbing the candy bar) Yeah I’ll take that.
Ross: What’s up?
Chandler: Monica and I are engaged.
Ross: Oh my God. (Hugs Chandler.) Congratulations!
Chandler: Thanks.
Ross: Where is she?
[Cut to Monica out on the balcony.]
Monica: (yelling at the top of her lungs) I’m engaged!!!!!! I’m engaged!!!!
[Cut back inside.]
Joey: Yeah, she’s been out there for twenty minutes, I’m surprised you didn’t hear her on the way over.
Ross: Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, "I’m gay! I’m gay!" Can I bring her in?
Phoebe: Oh no, let her stay out there. It’s sweet.
[Cut to Monica.]
Monica: I’m getting married!!!! I’m gonna be a bride!!!! (Someone else yells at her.) No, I will not shut up because I’m engaged! (He yells again.) Ohh, big talk! Huh, why don’t you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancée will kick your ass! (Chandler starts to look worried.) Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20!
[Cut back inside.]
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. I’ll be in the closet." - Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Monica, & Chandler, TOW Monica's Thunder
"[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s bedroom, they’re getting ready.]
Monica: (looking at her hand) Y’know what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! (Sees Chandler sitting on the bed.) You’re not getting dressed. (Chandler quietly folds over the comforter on the bed making a spot for her.)
Chandler: Know what I mean?
Monica: Yeah, but I don’t think we have time.
Chandler: There’s gonna be a wedding. You’re gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.
Monica: (lustily) Let’s do it! (She kisses him and they fall back onto the bed.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don’t worry about it!
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) I’m not worried, I’m uh, I’m fascinated. Y’know it’s like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me." - Monica & Chandler, TOW Monica's Thunder
"Rachel: Guess what, GUESS WHAT?!
Chandler: The fifth dentist finally caved and now they ALL recommend Trident?" - Rachel & Chandler, TOW All the Poker
Love
He hadn't been very lucky in love before Monica - Janice being his main squeeze in the past.
"Janice: I brought you something.
Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. [reading the candy] Chan and Jan Forever.
Janice: I had them made special.
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Janice: That's fine.
Chandler: [surprised] It is?
Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end.
Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is.
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Oh, no I don't.
Janice: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?
Chandler: I did, but--
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.
[She kisses him passionately,then leaves.]
Chandler: Call me!" - Chandler & Janice, TOW the Candy Hearts
"Chandler: Phoebe.
Phoebe: Chandler.
Chandler: Come on in.
Phoebe: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
Chandler: Sure.
(She makes a big show out of pulling out the cork and pours the wine.)
Phoebe: So, here we are. Nervous?
Chandler: Me? No. You?
Phoebe: No, I want this to happen.
Chandler: So do I.
(They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.)
Chandler: I'm gonna put on some music.
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Chandler: You look good.
Phoebe: Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!
Chandler: Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?
Phoebe: Really?
Chandler: Oh, do you not want to?
Phoebe: No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.
Chandler: (swallowing hard) Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.
[Cut to the bathroom, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Monica: She's bluffing!
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
[Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.]
Phoebe: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Joey: Ooh!
Rachel: Okay!
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn’t rip off any buttons.
Joey: It's not my first time.
[Cut to the bathroom.]
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
Chandler: Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?
Monica: Of course.
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Chandler: Oh, you're-you're going?
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very, were gonna be having all the sex.
Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.
Chandler: Not if I kiss you first.
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Phoebe: Ooh.
Chandler: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.
Phoebe: Here it comes. Our first kiss.
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!
Phoebe: And why not?!
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!!
Phoebe: You're-you're what?!
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I…LOVE…HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Monica: I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: I just—I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!
Joey: Dude!
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
Phoebe: God! (She turns and buttons up.)"
- Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler & Monica, TOW Everyone Finds Out
Joey
His best pal is his roommate Joey, mainly because both of them share the same superficial view of women. Go them.
"Chandler: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
Joey: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
Chandler: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
Joey: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?
Chandler: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
Joey: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
Chandler: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]" - Joey & Chandler, TOW the Prom Video
"Chandler: I can't believe it.
Phoebe: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
Chandler: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
Rachel: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
Phoebe: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
Chandler: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: How come you have two?
Chandler: Well this one's for you.
Joey: Get out.
Chandler: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies.
Chandler: That's what they'll call us." - Rachel, Phoebe, Joey & Chandler, TOW the Prom Video
"Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didn’t ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
Joey: Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza delivery guy come over, gives me the pizza, takes the money, and leaves!
Chandler: What, no, "Nice apartment, I bet the bedrooms are huge?"
Joey: Noo! Nothing!
Chandler: Y’know what, we have to turn off the porn.
Joey: I think you’re right.
(Goes over and picks up the remote.)
Chandler: All right, ready?
Joey: One.
Chandler: Two.
Both: Three.
(Chandler turns off the porn and sets the remote down.)
Joey: That’s kinda nice.
Chandler: Yeah, that’s kinda a relief.
Joey: Yeah.
(Pause.)
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Joey: Yeah.
(Chandler turns on the TV and…)
Chandler: FREE PORN!!!
Joey: Yeah!!
Chandler: We have free porn here!!!" - Chandler & Joey, TOW the Free Porn