Maryann is the featured Reader of the Week! Mood: silly Topic: Reader of the Week
I have a new feature on my blog. It’s where I stop talking about myself for a second and I start telling you about each other. I have gone through painstaking research to get all these details and I take pride in my investigative skills. Of course mistakes may happen, so if any of this is wrong please let me know and I will print a retraction. Of course, how could it be wrong with my vast informational sources and my limitless supply of monetary assets!
Things you may know about her: 1. She is my step-father and she eats lots and lots of chicken feet. 2. She recently married Glenn. Glenn is from the planet snog and likes to munch on paper. He is 10’2” and has blue fur on his belly. I have no word on what he does for a living but I believe it has something to do with evil plots and kicking small animals. I will get you a full report when his featured week happens! 3. Maryann has been known to have large nation-wide barbecues. She invites people to her ranch in Philadelphia where she has an overabundant and extremely rare supply of Tyrannosaurus Rex meat, which is why it’s a national event, 2 or 3 of those suckers feeds a lot of people! You have never had a burger until you have had a T-Rex Burger. 4. She also is a full time gym teacher at the local oceanography school based in Missouri. 5. She has two dark red eyes and worships the devil! 6. Her last name used to be Moppleflopper before she changed it to Slapalapa!
Things you may not know about her: 1. She is a master of the notfou karate, which is pronounced Not-fo-u. 2. She likes collecting snails, toads, spiders and puppies. 3. She has a collection of plates with half eaten food from celebrities’ kitchens that she hangs proudly on her kitchen wall. 4. Maryann recently won the lottery and is investing all that money in a rocket to take her to the moon, where she plans to set up the first colony and the first fast food restaurant. The fast food joint will have no vegetables and be completely about meat. Instead of fries you can order up a nice side of lizard gizzards! Yeah it is making me hungry too! The value meal promises a special T-Rex Burger, a large side of lizard gizzards, a three piece chicken feet with ranch dressing and a nice butter milkshake! That’s how you spell down home cooking!
That has been the first installment of Reader of the Week. If any of this is wrong please let me know, but as I said before anything actually being wrong is impossible. If you do find an incorrect fact it is probably your fault! You obviously do not know your fellow readers or your self very well, that being said; please congratulate Maryann on being the first featured reader! Wish her luck on her fast food endeavors.
Just a sort of quick update on my life Mood: sharp
I have a few things to talk about this fine Sunday evening. We will start with my new store. It’s a place to get official items inspired by the blog. At the moment there are only a few designs but more will be coming later. I teamed up with Cafepress to get the items up for sale with as little set up cost for me as possible. They have the materials and the secured payment set up in place, I just design the products. Designing the products was a lot harder then I thought it would be. Every item has different dimensions which means you have to redesign every time. I also have forgotten how to utilize Illustrator and Photoshop as well as I used to, so everything is taking longer then expected. I have actually produced a few designs on paper but the mouse and the computer method has been problematic. If I had a scanner I would sketch the design and then scan it in. Then I would modify the scanned image into a usable design. Unfortunately my printer died a year ago and I am working with out it. I will continue to crawl along with the designing process. You will know when the new designs come in, don’t worry. That being said please go to http://www.cafepress.com/crazedlunatik to view the merchandise.
I wanted to say thank you to my mom for purchasing the Stewey cup. Way to go mom! One item down a billion left to design and sell!
Let’s talk about work. I am still OK with my job. It is not a great job but it is definitely not a horrible job. In fact I really can’t remember anything about the people I talk to I can only remember the script I say for each caller. I have never been happier with a call center position! If you forget the fact that I don't make enough money I can say that I love not remembering what the people are upset about. I have the opposite of total recall, total forgetinitis or something. That kind of sounded like I may need to buy some 'Tough acting Tinactin!' or some 'Bengay for sore muscles.' I think that it doesn’t bother me because a lot of the time I can't help them ayway so I actually don’t listen. Here they are going on and on about some perceived injustice or slight and I pretend to listen and then I apologize and offer to transfer them. All I can do is take a payment for minutes; anything else gets transferred. The best part of the job is asking someone “Is there any other questions for me?”, which is a question that I am required to ask, even if I did not answer their first question. Actually the best part is that I immediately forget what the calls were about when I leave the place.
Let’s move on to the insurance school. Well I played a little hooky on Saturday. I cut after an hour and a half leaving myself two hours left to put in. ‘Why?,’ you ask. I received a call as I was taking a test, from my Aunt Wanda and Uncle Don and I packed my bags to rush over to join them for lunch. WOOHOO!! I actually lied about taking the test I was actually trying to read the test questions through a sleep haze caused by the questions themselves. So the phone startled me. I had been meaning to make it down to visit Aunt Wanda and Uncle Don's house for a while but the rising gas prices, my periods of unemployment and my low paying part time gig doesn’t really put extra money in the pocket for driving anywhere except to work and back. I was ecstatic to hear from them and was relieved to have a reason to not sleep in the insurance school that afternoon. They are doing good. Aunt Wanda is working a lot of hours and Uncle Don is turning their house into a gardening Mecca. They have not won the lottery but they still have their dreams. Well maybe Uncle Don has the dreams and Aunt Wanda humors the dreams. I mean the man has enough lottery dreams for all of us you can’t add too many more without the house imploding. Hehe
George and I recently had a roommate spat. He is pretty upset that I haven’t designed a shirt with him on it yet. I tried to tell him it’s because I was having a hard time drawing his fins on the computer so that he looked cool. That is the truth but he doesn’t believe me so he has stopped talking to me. Every time I try he tells me “Go talk to Stewey! He is your best friend after all!” and looks away. I think that is really mean because he knows Stewey can’t use a phone. Every day I feed him and try to talk to him and every day he pretends like I am not there. It’s almost enough to make me cry like a kid that just dropped their ice cream in the sand. It is enough to make me pout like a little kid that was told he could not have a slice of cake until he ate his lima beans. Since it is the only way to appease him I have started working on the George shirt. Hope he is happy, stupid fish!
Before I leave and forget, please read the previous blog. I would like your input on a few matters of site security. Thank you.
Mike explores the fun of the 3rd person and pontificates upon the next civilization Mood: cheeky
I have a confession...
I was born to write a blog. Don't laugh; it's too true to be funny. I have always written things for an audience, albeit an imaginary audience, but an audience none the less. There are pages and pages of writing that is written for other people's viewer ship. They sit in my boxes and on my bookshelves untouched, unshared and unloved. Then one day it occurred to me, I have an audience and I have a medium for dispensing my views and my goofy, pointless stories. My audience was waiting for me on the internet. They are salivating for what I offer. They may not know it, but it is what I have and what I do that will satiate those desires. You, as part of my audience, know what I mean. I am feeling so good about what I do for people I have decided to refer to myself in the third person for the rest of this entry.
Mike was at work today and Mike thought: "What is with all these people calling in to have minutes added to their phones? Mike needs to write Mike's next blog! Mike has no time for this! What do they think? That Mike is at work? That Mike has a job answering calls and filling their phones with minutes? Mike has a deadline! Mike has not written a decent blog entry in days! Mike is outraged!" Then Mike giggled because, of course, Mike WAS at work and it WAS Mike's job.
Once Mike was done with work for the day, Mike headed down the road to study. The good news is Mike only has 3.5 hours left to study before Mike can sign up and take the insurance tests. Mike is excited! The bad news is that Mike spent most of the day sleeping instead of studying. That was not Mike’s fault, insurance puts Mike to sleep! So it was insurance's fault.
Ok the 3rd person bit was getting to be too annoying to continue! Annoying yet fun! The Mike likes the third person! He he. I think you may agree that the third person is best left to the wrestlers, BROTHER! So we will leave it to them, for now. SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!
Anyway, back to what I was saying before I was distracted by speaking in the third person. I was commenting that a lot of my writing is geared towards being read by an audience. A lot of that writing, more than likely, will never see the light of day. Of course a lot of the writing is not all that great; luckily that is not my point. The point I am making is that I write for an audience and I write to be read! I have filled pages in the last few weeks by prewriting blog entries for this place. Some of the ideas completely work and some..... well, not so much. I post all ideas that stand a fighting chance of bringing a smile or getting you to think. This time I will tell you my goal.... no, it is more then a goal it is my dream. What is this illusive dream? I have a dream that this site starts picking up a few readers outside the core group that receive an email every week. I am hoping people read it and they show it to other people, who also start reading it. That is phase one, and yes the dream has phases. Phase two is a next millennia thing. I hope that one day years from now, when people read about our civilization and they study our ancient writing, they discover these blogs. I am hoping that they dub this the Age of Selfishness and they think 'What a waste of time!' Then one day they find my long lost writings. Then carefully translate it word for word and upon complete translation they pronounce their findings by saying "This guy was an idiot!" Then in the history books they have the picture of me dressed as Warden Smiley and a chapter titled 'The Me First King, in the Age of Selfishness'!
Warden smiley says "I think that dream is attainable!"
Hey all..... Mood: not sure Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
Well I had planned on updating tonight but I had a virus that took all night to clear off the computer. The virus was called Vundo and it is a trojan virus. It was really stubborn and I ended up spending 4 hours working on it. I had to go into safe mode to fix it.
The good news is, it is fixed and a more entertaining blog will be here tomorrow night.
For the faithful readers, Thank you Mood: cool Topic: One Ramblin' Ranter!
Hey all. I want to take a few moments to thank you guys for reading. I have been having a lot of fun writing these entries lately. I get a kick out of receiving emails from people with comments about the site. Even when those emails simply include a list of grammatical and spelling errors, because at least I know you read it! Speaking of my errors, I have started writing the blog entries in Word to avoid the more common errors that I make. Now I just need to pay attention to the there/their/they’re situations and the pubic/public types of misspellings, isn’t English fun? I am also working on a secret project to be revealed later, those that are in the circle of secrecy know what I mean. If you are not in the circle of secrecy it just means we have not emailed or talked in the last day or so. It’s not hard to enter the secret circle you just have to ask me a question or talk to me and I blab. I like saying secret circle and circle of secrecy, what fun!
So now that I have your attention……
I have started adding a few things on the website to encourage interaction. The first thing I added was a guestbook and a comments button. Then I added the Stewey poll, which was a roaring success with a total of 54 votes. About 40 more then I was expecting. Thank you all for voting. I think Myspace helped out with that, I added a link for the poll and it seems reasonable to assume some people answered the call. Or else you all voted a lot of times, which is fine with me. I then found an event log that you could add important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, travel plans, national beer appreciation day, green socks day, ‘where did I put my keys’ day, ‘Who took all my money? Oh yeah the government did’ day. Whatever day you feel is important.
So what am I getting at? I like responses, I want to know you were here and you read it. I want you to make this a stop every time you get on the good for nothing (except my site) internet! There are several ways for you to get involved; the first way is to click on the words ‘post your comment (0)’ below and follow the prompts. It is a little tricky but as long as you keep clicking yes and post it will eventually leave it there for everyone to see ‘post your comments (1)’. Then every reader can click ‘post your comments (1)’ and view what you wrote and they can post something too. There are two ways on the main site, the first is the ‘Guestbook’ option and the second option is the flashing ‘Feedback’ button. There is always the old fashioned way of responding to the email I sent out. That works as well and I may start adding those to the site. I would enjoy putting information about other people besides George and myself in here. So, starting today I will be sharing information I hear, unless asked not to. This ends the whiny little girl rant for today. The next post should be more entertaining.
Once again thanks! Pass my link to your friends! If you would like your email or comment to be featured in an upcoming Rant let me know (meaning that I will post it as part of the blog and will respond to it). Please remember that this is a family friendly site, I won’t post naughty things and comments may be censored with the word CENSORED. I have an example “This stupid CENSORED cut me off on the CENSORED freeway today!” I may post it if it’s that type of comment but if it is worse then that it won't make it on here for long.
That brought up an odd thought. I was listening to the radio on the way home today and the people would just use the first letter of the offending word. To my ears it sounded extremely dirty, perhaps even dirtier then the word itself. I have a theory about why, maybe when we all know what the word is supposed to be but all we here is a self censorship it intensifies the actual effect of the word. To imply the word, but not actually say it, lends the word power. That's just my opinion though.
The buttons shown below are the exact same as the buttons that pop up on the actual site. They do work, click them to find out how.
The Mike and George skit Mood: cheeky Now Playing: Tree Hugger - The Rugburns Topic: A Mike and George Moment
Hi! George and I have been brainstorming on a new topic to write about. The only thing that has come up so far is a skit. I tried to post it last night but by the time I was done goofing off the internet connection went down. This is the second time I will type it up. It seems less funny somehow. Hey, speaking of wasting time on the internet, check out a device called Stumble! It is a downloadable device for your web browser. I am not sure it works on Internet Explorer but it works on Firefox, which is what I use. Anyway, the object is to help you find new sites of interest. You pick what you like to see or what you are interested in, it can be serious or fun; the options are able to be customized later if you need to change it. Then all you have to do is click the Stumble option and it takes you to a random site that matches one of your selected interests, if that site is not what you wanted click Stumble again. I love Stumble and I have found some great sites with it, some of them might end up on my links page soon.
"Mike! Can we get on with this?"
You're right George, sorry. Without further delay, our skit:
Hey George!
"Hey Mike, where is my food?"
Here you go. Hey I read some interesting fish facts last night on the internet. Did you know fish only have a 3 second memory?
"What? That's outrageous! Those are lies! It's not every fish, just goldfish! Where did you read that? What are there credentials, where is there proof?"
I don't know George. It seemed to imply that all fish have a short memory, not just goldfish.
"Hey Mike! Why are you talking about goldfish? How about giving me some food?"
George?
"What?"
You are eating the food right now..... I am not giving you more food.
"Oh wait you're right! I am eating! So what's new?"
Uh.... well, we were discussing short term memory in fish. You started yelling at me and then you asked for food.
"What was I yelling about? What did you say about fish memory?"
I was saying that, according to the internet, fish only remember things for 3 seconds.
"That is outrageous! I am outraged! Who said this?? Unbelievable!"
Yeah, can you believe it?
"Believe what? Hey, when did you get home? Are you going to feed me?"
THE END
-George and I would like to thank you for your polite applause. We would also like to say that even though we helped perpetuate this myth we are not sure the validity of it. We have found just as many sites refute the 3 second memory myth as those that support it. Actually, we have found more that refute it. Besides, George remembers a lot, today he reminded me to take my lunch to school and to turn off the coffee maker before I left. I would say he is an amazing fish.
"Thanks Mike! You aren't too horrible yourself. And for a human you are almost average!"
Thanks George..... You know how to make a guy feel good….
Stewey has left the building!! Mood: special Now Playing: Get Me - Twista
I would like to thank Stewey for all his contributions to the blog this week. We have had some good times buddy! I loved the late night mob hits even though all you let me do was drive and carry bodies.... I will miss that. I will also miss sharing the broccoli and cleaning up your staggering pile of poo everyday. I will also miss coming home to you viewing rabbit erotica and videos of broccoli fields that caused you to hump my shoes, my pillow, my blanket, my broom, my trash can, and all the socks I left lying around. I will miss you stabbing me whenever you felt it was broccoli time. Gosh, those were fun times. Mostly I will miss the rave reviews the co-hosted blog brought us. It is back to writing about TV and being told that the latest entry lacks interest. Oh well, I guess I can't always strike gold, besides what do you want from me did you read the April 1st blog? That was two weeks of creativity right there!
Of course saying goodbye to Stew meant saying welcome back to Dale and Maryjo. I picked them up at the airport and said 'Greetings World Travelers!!' They said "Italian drivers are amazing!" Then told me stories that made me question what they meant by amazing. Apparently, they meant Italian drivers are very skilled but I read crack smoker in the description. I asked how they liked Italy, and they started talking about when the Pope speaks, you have to wait while his words are changed into 5 different languages. I asked about the Coliseum and they told me that Mildred came close to clobbering some kids with her cane while they waited for the Pope. Sensing the trend, I asked for a little more information on Vatican City; they told me about the drivers again. So I decided to complain about them getting the Pope involved in the name change and they told me about Mildred's pace versus theirs. Apparently she had no time for anything but the Sistine Chapel and when she got there she swore it was not the Sistine Chapel, regardless of what the signs said. Then I asked about the statues of gold I had heard about that reside in the Vatican City. They responded by handing me a souvenir shot glass, grabbing Stewey, and running out the door, hopping in the car and speeding away. It was a great visit!
In related news, the shot glass is really cool. Stewey started picketing when Maryjo let 'Fuzzy' slip. He didn't stab her with a pen, which surprised me; I think he pretends to not be a gangster when he is around her. Stewey is so versatile.
The most exciting thing that has happened is that my iPod finally came back from Apple. It was nearly 2 months and a full month of that time was with the iPod fixed and sitting in the warehouse. Here is what happened. Sometime in February I contacted Apple to send my broken iPod to them. I received the shipping box at my address and then I sent it off the next day. They fixed the iPod in record time, and sent it to me. Unfortunately, this time DHL could not find the address so they sent it back, where it sat for weeks. I finally decided to call since it had been a month. After 30 minutes of hold time the Customer Service agent said it was in the warehouse. He then went on to say he would correct the address and have them ship it out right away. A week later I was calling again. That agent said that the previous agent had updated the address but had not sent a notice to the shipping department. She said she would fix it and call me back when it sent. Another week later I was back on the phone with a new agent that said exactly what the previous agents did. She however, followed through. I received a call Friday with a tracking number and the iPod was delivered Saturday morning. I am so happy to have it back. It was new or at least the casing is new. I immediately charged it and then plugged it in to update the iPod and load the songs. 8 hours and 30 gigs of music later I had a functional iPod!
It seems strange to be writing without the rabbit influence. I hope this entry fulfills the demands of all of you. Do I miss Stewey? Well, not really, he was very stinky and pretty demanding. I just needed someone to help out....
"HEY!!!"
George?
"Yeah! What about me?"
A fish? I don't know who would ever believe a fish could speak? A rabbit is feasible.... but a fish?
"What? WHAT?? Are you claiming I have no value? DO you think I am inferior to a rabbit??"
NO! That's not what I meant. I just meant it seemed more natural to talk to an animal that lived on the land. I mean what would you sound like? Blub blub blub does not make an interesting co-host.
"Are you kidding? Rabbits stink! I mean literally! Stewey was so rancid I spent the entire week crying because of his toxic fumes. It takes a long time for me to stink. I mean c'mon how many times have you changed my water? And that was your fault, you overfed me!"
True.
"I mean I have been reading what you wrote and I have to admit nobody cares about your TV habits. They wouldn't even read it if you sent them a dollar for reading it. Talk about boring. You and I could do a lot better then that. Give me a chance."
OK George, you are on. Let's put our heads together for an upcoming update.
Now Playing: I Hung My Head - Johnny Cash
A new month. A week old job and a week left of studying for insurance tests. First off the job. I have the 5AM-1PM shift. I chose it, so don't pity me. I figured this job would be much better because the first half I am way too foggy to get upset about being at work. The last half I am just so happy I am nearly done that I make it out ok. The job is scripted and extremely simple, which is another bonus. I recharge prepaid wireless phones for Cingular and that's all I can do. Any other problems and they get transferred, I don't have to troubleshoot, I don't have to be a phone expert or a plan expert, I just have to take payment for minutes. Just in case you are wondering I do not work for Cingular. I work at Vesta but I am employed by a staffing agency called Randstad. Just remember every time you call for customer support you may talk to some random person that works for an outsourcing company. Kind of gives you a warm fuzzy feeling, doesn't it? This would of course explain why they never seem to have a clue about what you are calling about or how to fix your problem.
I have been watching a lot of television lately. I have found a few favorites and I have discovered a few horrible monstrosities. I have long considered shows like Survivor to be in the monstrosity category, that hasn't changed. In fact it has intensified, maybe it's to many call centers but I hate most 'reality' shows. You are thinking why is he talking about call centers and reality shows in the same sentence. Come and take a few calls with me and tell me that you still honestly think Survivor is still great. Actually call centers are real good test zones for potential Survivor contestants. Some people I have met at this call center have been doing this job for 7 years. Someone you might know, Kevin Knuth, actually hit 5 years at Liberty Mutual. These type of people could handle surviving in horrible circumstances. Why do I need to watch a show where people get a crappy vacation and compete for big money when I know real survivors? I mean really. It seems amazing to me that the 'reality' series ever took off. I have watched a few shows here and there but I never feel a huge urge to continue the show even past the few moments. As far as other 'realty shows are concerned I have watched a handfull, but usually when the season is over I realize what a waste of time that was. The shows I have watched: The Real World (this is my college buddy Doug's fault), Road Rules (Doug again), The Apprentice (I thought a contestant was gorgeous, it's her fault), The Apprentice with Martha Stewart (another contestant caught my eye, totally her fault), The Joe Schmoe show (which was a mock reality show where only one contestant was real, the others were paid actors, I would watch that again). That is the list, I would not watch any of these shows again, except as previously stated, the Joe Schmoe show. I think 'reality television' is a trend that will end up being part of our world forever. A lot of people have predicted this 'reality' trend will die off but there are way too many long running and successful shows that beg to differ, I think their hold on the world will slip a little but the genre will continue. Sorry to disappoint you if you dream of a 'reality' show free world. Another trend that worries me is all the crime dramas. Even more alarming is the shows that just add a city to their name and they get another hour of Programming. I hear they are planning a 'CSI: Galapagos Island' for next year, can you imagine the wanton lizard and long necked turtle crimes? CSI and Law and Order are overtaking the world! What galls me is that all the variations are exactly the same. The people feel the same, the cases are the same and the surprise twists are all the same. I seem to be in the minority for this opinion, most people I talk to eat these shows up. The only show in this general group that I like is NCIS. I like the characters especially Abby who is tattoed and very goth. How in the hece she became an NCIS agent is beyond me but she is the reason I started watching. I like the other characters as well, how can you go wrong with veteran actors like Mark Harmon and Lauren Holly. So now we have discussed two entire genres that I dislike and the notable exceptions, what do I like. Well I tend towards comedy and sci-fi as far as genres, but I don't just like them because they are in that genre. I want to be specific about a few shows that I like and that I think you should see.
Mythbusters: This is a show about a couple of guys that take myths and try to prove or disprove them. The main people that test the myths are Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, they have added a few people to test the myths (apparently it is a lot of work) since the show began they are: Grant Imahara, Tory Belleci, Scottie Chapman. Christine Chamberlain, and my personal favorite Kari Byron. Some myths they have tested include: Archimede's death ray, cell phones on planes, Franklin's kite experiment (just to let you know good ol' Ben would have been a crispy critter), and my favorite, do trucks get better gas mileage with the tailgate down (the answer is no, they actually end up getting a little bit worse, did you hear that dad??? I was right!!! MUHAHAHAHA). In case you weren't aware MUHAHAHAHA is universally known as a victorious evil guy laugh. I just became a fan of the show so I have only seen a few shows but it's better to catch shows like this later because all the reruns are new for you and marathons catch you back up rapidly.
Deal or No Deal: I hate to admit it but this show has caught my interest. The show has everything! A bald Howie Mandel, 26 gorgeous models holding briefcases that have different monetary value from 1 cent all the way to a million dollars (put the pinky to your mouth you know you want to), and if that wasn't enough they have a mysterious evil guy in the shadows known only as the banker. If you have not seen the show here is a quick summary. A contestant picks a case he thinks has $1,000,000 (pinky!) then he names other cases to be opened. As the cases are opened the contestant hopes they are all smaller then $1,000,000(pinky). If he picks cases correctly, meaning all eliminated cases contain low amounts which would leave big numbers as possibilities for the contestants chosen case. The banker's job is to offer him an amount to stop opening and avoid paying him $1,000,000 (pinky). The show is pretty intense and I usually end up yelling instructions at the TV. I haven't yelled at the TV like this since I used to watch Jerry Springer after having a few beers back in college.
Doctor Who: This old science fiction classic has been reborn. It is an excellent British show about a time traveler known simply as 'the Doctor', who fights evil forces through time and space. So far we have focused on earth for the first few shows but prior versions of this show had him all over the place. I have heard that 'the Doctor' that stars in this show has already passed the throne on to the next person for season two. This would be a horrible event in other shows but it seems cast changes have been written in to the story since the first Doctor stopped being the Doctor. That is because the Doctor can take on a new shape and face to avoid being to noticeable and does that from time to time. It is a great show and a very good reason to have cable.
There are other shows I like but these are my current favorites. Let me know which ones you like.
THE FIGHT FOR STEWEY Part 2
The emails keep flooding in! If you have not read the post before this one, please scroll down to the entry titled "THE FIGHT FOR STEWEY". The main difference is this one is part two, so you should read part 1 first. If you read part 1, go ahead and read this post. I am excited because I never knew that my blog was read by so many big named people and organizations.
1. On 4/01/06, PETA wrote:
To the sick and depraved purveyor of the Crazed Lunatik Designs website and weblog:
We have recently been monitoring your blog postings and we find you to be an enemy of PETA. We are appalled that you listed names such as Hasenpfeffer, Stew, Stewey, Stewart and Sir Poops A Lot as possible names fur a cute little bunny! The first 4 entries deal with rabbit stew! We looked up Hasenpfeffer, and were horrified! We are organizing protests to begin tonight outside your apartment. The world will know who you are! Sincerely, PETA
2. On 4/01/06, Mike Williams wrote: To PETA,
Wow, thanks for the free publicity! Where are the hot girls dressed only in lettuce that I saw on your website? If you wouldn't mind sending them over, Stewey and I would like to meet them. Stewey might eat their lettuce, but I am OK with that!
Sincerely, Mike Williams Otherwise known as, the sick and depraved purveyor of the Crazed Lunatik Designs website and weblog
3. On 4/01/06, Michael Jackson wrote:
Dear my biggest fan,
I know you love my music, but that is no excuse for being ignorant. You're being ignorant. Stop being ignorant. Bunnies are beautiful. Naming bunnies fuzzy, fluffy or peter is beautiful. Naming bunnies Stewey is ignorant. Why are you so ignorant? Don't be ignorant.
Are you a little boy? Love, Michael Jackson, The King of Pop
4. On 4/01/06, Mike Williams wrote: Dearest Michael Jackson, the King of Pop,
This is awesome! Thank you for writing to me. I have a few of your albums!
That being said, I think you overuse the word ignorant. Try rewriting that paragraph and using a thesaurus, thanks.
I am not a little boy, I am 28. That is such a strange question, why do you want to know? One more thing, why did you sign the email as Love, Michael Jackson? That is strange.
Sincerely, Mike Williams
PS. Please continue reading my blog of ignorance.
There were more but most of them would have to be censored. You would never believe the mouth on Teresa Heinz Kerry! I hope you enjoyed the emails and remember you have to fight for what you believe in. Take a stand for Stewey's rights!
THE FIGHT FOR STEWEY
It started out easy enough, I had a poll to help Stewey get a new, more respectable name. The poll was a success and names flooded in. One name rose to the top, in the aftermath the rabbit was known as Stewey, and that name was a good name. However, some groups have decided to intervene in a rabbit's rights to name himself. I will show the resulting barrage of emails below.
It started out with a simple email, it was an email from my dad.
1. On 3/30/06, Dale Williams wrote:
Michael, what is your mailing address? Dad
I replied and added a joke.
2. On 3/30/06, Mike Williams wrote:
Hey dad, My mailing address is: ***** SE Rusk Rd Apt 16 Milwaukie, OR 97222
Is this for the subpoena regarding the rabbit name change? He counter filed an emancipated rabbit claim! He hated the name fluffy. Honestly!
And what I misunderstood to be a responding joke came back to me.
3. On 3/30/06, Dale Williams wrote:
Michael, We talked to the Pope on Wed. He is taking steps against you and Fluffy Bunny. No messing around with minor legal agencies. We are going to the top. Dad
That's funny right? I thought so too....
4. On 3/31/06, Mike Williams wrote:
Well considering I am not Catholic.... not real sure that I have to listen to the Pope. I mean it was at the bequest of STEWEY anyhow. He asked for his name to be changed! He has eaten broccoli as celebration of the fact!
That was when it all began to unravel. It has been a deluge of emails since the day began. I have found myself the most vilified man in America because I believe in a rabbit's right to choose! I will share some of the horrible email and my responses below:
1. On 4/01/06, The Pope wrote:
Dear Michael Williams, I must first begin this letter by saying that I am sorry you are not Catholic! I would have been able to handle this problem more efficiently. Then we could have focused on seeking forgiveness for this sin. A few million Hail Marys would have been a good start.
The problem I am referring to is the renaming of one Fuzzy Bunny to Stewey. We do not believe that a rabbit should have the right to choose their name. Rabbits were given their name by God himself and the rabbit should accept the Lord's will. I must put an end to the moral backsliding you have started in Fuzzy Bunny. When you renamed him Stewey, you opened up Pandora's box, he is a gangster rabbit because of you. One careless act of aiding a bunny in renouncing his name, faith and creator has put both of your souls in jeopardy. I doubt that you will see the simple logic in this argument, so I will have to use other means of rectifying the situation. I hope that you can see how serious this issue is to me.
Since you are not Catholic, I will use political means to fix this horrible error on your part. It is good that the Lord forgives. I will get the divine powers involved as well and with both political and divine powers at your door I know you will do what is right. Let me give you a heads up, HE is upset and by HE I mean the Lord! Hey, I am the Pope, I know these things. That being said, expect to hear from some very high up organizations in the near future.
Now that the nastiness is over, say hi to Mildred, Dale and Maryjo for me. They were great! Sincerely, The Pope
2. On 4/01/06, Mike Williams wrote:
Dear Mr. Pope sir,
I am very excited to have received an email from you. Thank you.
As I am sure you are aware the world is rife with issues that horrify and shock. None so shocking as the oppression of bunny rights! I am very disappointed to see that you have decided to set back rabbit rights 20 years. I respect the office of the Papacity but I think you are wrong and I am willing to enter the fray. Stewey deserves no less from me, besides he is wicked with a pen.
That being said, have a good day of blessing the masses and the hello will be passed on to Dale, Maryjo and Mildred.
Sincerely, Mike Williams
3. On 4/01/06, The Pope wrote:
Dear Mike, What are you talking about? I am the Pope, I am not wrong! Oh and one more thing, the 'office of the papacity', did you make that up? The Pope
Apparently the correct word is not papacity it is papacy. I think papacy should be changed to papacity, it's a much better word.
4. On 4/01/06, Supreme Court wrote:
To Michael Williams,
It has come to our attention that you have taken it upon yourself to violate Bunny Law 319. Which states: "No bunny shall have any part in his naming process. Any human aiding an outlaw bunny will be jailed for not more then 60 years but not less then 59 years and receive a fine of 1,000,000 dollars!" As you can see, there are laws about bunny names. We expect to see you in court on Monday! Sincerely, Some very upset judges!!
5.On 4/01/06, Mike Williams wrote:
No hablo ingles senors y senoras. No comprende email!
6. On 4/01/06, Supreme Court wrote:
A Se?or Michael Williams, Tenemos traductores. !Este aqui lunes! !Y traiga su tarjeta verde! Sinceramente, !Algunos jueces aun mas trastornados!
Translation: To Mr. Michael Williams,
We have translators. Be here Monday! And bring your green card!
Sincerely, Some even more upset judges!
7. On 4/01/06, President Bush wrote:
Mike,
I just saw your site! I think that rabbit Stew sounds good. I am heading to Air Force 1. Be there in a few hours. Have the soup ready, the key to rabbit stew is seasoning.
Sincerely, President Bush
8. On 4/01/06, Mike Williams wrote:
Dear President Bush,
I am glad you enjoyed the site, good thing I didn't make fun of you on it. I wanted to clarify that I am not about to dine on rabbit stew. I have been rabbit sitting for Dale and Maryjo while they are vacationing, I renamed their rabbit Stew. Please stay in Washington D.C., thanks for the rabbit stew advice. Say hi to Barbara and the girls for me.
Sincerely, Mike Williams
9. On 4/01/06, President Bush wrote: Mike, Come on they won't miss the rabbit! I'll bring the bread, it'll be fun! Just let me know. The President
I have more emails, give me a second to proofread and then I will share the rest.
silly
sharp
cheeky
not sure
cool
special