Love That Binds

Title: Love That Binds

Author: CJ

Pairing: Xander/Graham

Rating: NC-17

Feedback: If you don't, I'll cry.

Disclaimer: All the characters in the Buffyverse belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I gain no monetary value from any of this. Dammit.

Author's Note: Thanks to Sarah and Sajinn for the look over---and thanks to everyone who told me not to give up on this HUGE story. Thanks you guys.

"Hide."

"Xander, this is crazy. It's just Willow."

"I know, now hide," Xander pushed Graham into the closet, pulling out a robe to cover himself. Running to the door, he pulled it open to see Willow leaning against the doorframe.

"Willow! What are you doing here?" Xander said, frowning slightly.

Willow smiled shyly at Xander as she moved past him into the room. "Well, since you never answer your phone anymore, I decided to come over to let you know that Giles wants us all to meet him at his apartment tonight at 7 o'clock. Something is happening, and he wants to fill us in."

"Great, so, I'll see ya there then, ok?" Xander stammered, trying to move Willow back to the door.

Willow gave Xander an odd look. "What's up here? You don't answer the phone anymore, you take forever to get to the door, and you're rushing me out so fast I'm beginning to think I'll get whiplash."

Xander opened his mouth to respond, but was stopped by a loud noise from the back of the apartment. Looking nervously over his shoulder, he grabbed Willow's arm, ushering her towards the door. "Well, thanks for letting me know about the meeting. But I'll have to hurry if I want to shower and eat before leaving. See ya there, bye."

"Xander, what was that?" Willow jerked her head toward the bedroom, then turned back to look quizzically at Xander.

"What was what?" Xander looked everywhere but at Willow, willing her not to look too closely.

"That noise. What was it?" Willow asked again, confusion etching deeper on her face.

"Noise? I didn't hear any noise. You're just imagining things. Years spent fighting the nasties have you hearing them everywhere." Xander resumed his efforts to pull Willow out the door, wishing she would just leave.

Willow shrugged Xander's hand off her arm and headed down the hall. "No, there was a noise in your bedroom. Someone could be breaking in, Xander. We have to at least check it out."

"No! Willow, it was nothing. I promise." But it was too late. Willow had swung open the door and now she stood stunned, staring at a half naked Graham as he hopped around trying to pull on his boot.

Spotting the red-haired witch, Graham looked up. "Um, hi Willow. Uh, I was just helping Xander, uh, with some work." Quickly pulling a shirt over his head, Graham turned away from Willow, kneeling on the floor, pretending to be doing something to the tv stand.

"Uh-huh. Xander, I'll see you later at Giles'." Willow turned on her heel and walked back to the front door, blushing. Her confusion gone, hurt and anger bloomed in her mind.

"Willow, wait." Xander pleaded, wanting to make it better, and not to see that look of anguish on Willow's face anymore.

Tears threatening to fall, Willow held up her hand, stopping Xander before he could start. Trying to gather her thoughts, she spoke, "Xander, I--I--I really don't wanna know. I'll just.....be leaving now, ok?" At a loss for anything else to say, Willow turned on her heels, preparing to leave.

"No, let me explain. Graham's just here..." Blushing and angry with himself, Xander rushed to stop Willow, pulling up short, barely keeping from running her over when she spun back around to face him.

"To change your light bulbs, yeah. I got that. Let's just pretend I didn't go down that hall, ok? We'll all be much happier." Willow half whispered, her own embarrassment growing by the moment.

"Willow, I wanted to tell you. I really did. I just didn't know how." Xander reached toward Willow, but let his hands fall back down to his sides in defeat. Sure that he'd just lost the first and best friend of his life, he dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Xander, it's okay. Really. I...I have to go." Tears welling in her eyes, Willow ran out of the apartment. Once out of sight, she stopped. She rested against the staircase guardrail and let the tears flow. She wedged her fisted hand into her mouth to hold back the sobs wrenching out of her.

Back in the apartment Graham walked up behind Xander, wrapping his arms around the taller man's waist. Leaning into his lover, Graham placed his chin upon Xander's shoulder, nuzzling into his neck with his lips. "Everything ok?"

"I don't know. She was acting really weird, even for Willow." Xander leaned back against Graham, soaking up the love and support he found in his arms. He closed his eyes and wearily laid his head against his lover's shoulder and sighed.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. What time did she say to be at the meeting?" Graham got the tiniest of wicked glimmers in his eye as he ran his hands over the form before him.

"At seven, why?" Xander released a breath, arousal taking the controls back from comfort as he felt his lover's hands running over his body.

"Well, that gives us about three hours. Where were we?" Graham caught Xander's earlobe between his teeth, then began working his way down the side of Xander's neck.

Xander turned in the circle of Graham's arms. "Oh, right about here." Leaning in, Xander brushed his lips lightly across his lover's, teasing him with tiny nips on the chin.

"No, you weren't wearing nearly as many clothes then."

Xander pulled back, gazing into Graham's eyes. "Then why don't you fix that?"

Graham laughed huskily as he reached down to untie the robe Xander was wearing. He licked up along Xander's exposed neck as the silk sliding down his body caused him to arch into Graham.

"Mmm, Graham. Now you." Xander's fingers trembled as he reached for the clasp of his lover's pants. Graham took mercy, pushing him into a chair.

"Let me." Graham backed away, kicking off his boots as he thumbed open the button on his pants. He teasingly slid the zipper down at an excruciating pace. He grew bolder with ever gasp from his entranced lover. Walking over to the stereo, he turned on some music and danced his way back to Xander. "You like this? Want me to dance for you?"

"I want you to do so many things for me, and to me, and with me."

Graham continued his slow dancing, stopping a few feet away from Xander. His zipper all the way down, he turned away and slowly pushed the jeans down. "Tell me."

Xander leaned back in the chair, spreading his legs wider. Grasping his hard shaft in one hand, the other roaming over the contours of his chest. "I want you to sit in a chair with me on you, riding you. I want you in me, fucking me until I can't breathe anymore." Xander gasped out the words, breathless with passion as he pictured his lover taking him. "I want you to call out my name as you cum in me. I want to lie in your arms when we sleep."

Graham's knees were so weak he couldn't stand anymore. He knelt down on the floor at his lover's feet, massaging muscled thighs with his hands. "Oh god, Xan. Baby, I love you so much."

Xander's eyes opened, a smile growing on his lips. He sat up, taking Graham's face in his hands. "You do?"

"Yeah, I do."

"I love you, too. I never thought..."

"Baby, don't. You're the most beautiful man I've ever met, inside and out. How could I not love you?"

"I don't know. I just..."

Graham stood, pulling Xander to his feet with him. "How can you not know the things you do to me? You make me laugh; you make want to shout from the rooftops how much I love you. But most of all, you make me a better person, a complete person. I never had that until I met you."

Graham pulled Xander against him, bringing their lips together. Lightly, he traced the outline of Xander's mouth with his tongue before thrusting inside. The two met in the middle, sharing a kiss that should have been painful in its intensity. Both crushing together, as if afraid to part.

Pulling back, Graham took Xander's face in his hands, lifting the other man's chin up to look at him. When their eyes met, Graham could see the tears rolling down Xander's cheeks. "What's wrong baby?"

"It's just that, well, no one's ever said that to me before." Sobs escaped Xander's throat and he grabbed hold of Graham.

Graham half carried, half led Xander over to the sofa. Sitting with his back against the arm, he pulled Xander down to sit against him, positioning his lover back to chest. Slowly he rocked Xander while murmuring gentle words of comfort. "It's okay, baby. I'm here. Just let it all out. Shhh." Not knowing what else to say, Graham began quietly humming as he rocked his lover in his arms. Before long, both men were asleep, curled around each other, peaceful.

*****

Jolted awake, Xander rubbed at his eyes. He wondered why he was asleep on the couch, until he became aware of the arms around him. Leaning back, he allowed himself a brief time to just relax in his lover's arms.

"Mmm, this is nice." Graham woke up in his favorite position, entwined with his partner. He lazily stretched his muscles before once again wrapping all his limbs around Xander, pulling the brunette closer.

"Yeah, but we have to get up. We have..." Xander cracked one eye open to glance at the clock. "About 30 minutes to get to Giles'."

"We? Xander, I'm not going with you." Graham laughed lightly, pushing Xander up so they could see each other.

"You don't think I'm gonna let you out of my sight today, do ya? We'll go over, put in an appearance, hear what Giles has to say, and then we'll split. Be back here, in bed, in less than three hours." Xander stood, stretching, and stifled a yawn as he made his way to his closet to get dressed.

"Xander, I can't go with you, I have something I have to do." Graham began hunting around on the floor for his clothes. He began cursing himself mentally, knowing he should never have hinted at any of his plans.

"You have to. Besides, Riley will be there. And you were complaining just the other day about not getting to see him since the wedding." Xander stood at the hall entrance, shirt in one hand, socks in the other. He was wearing only his boxers and an expression of mixed horror and pleading.

"Okay, but I'll have to meet you there. I gotta stop to make. And no, you can't come with me." Graham couldn't refuse the look on Xander's face. He'd actually known before he turned that he'd already lost and would be attending the meeting, but he still put up token resistance. No need to let Xander know he was already completely wrapped around his little finger.

"Ooo, is it a surprise?" Xander's face went from begging to utter joy in less than a nanosecond. He began bouncing, and ran over to Graham.

"Yes." Graham tried really hard to keep a straight face. Not an easy task when Xander was looking at him like he was Santa Claus.

"For me?" More bouncing, complete with a few small kisses spread across his shoulders and neck.

"Yes. And no, I'm not going to tell you what it is." Graham pulled back from Xander's reach, automatically averting his eyes from his lover's face. If he got caught by the puppy eyes now, he'd never be able to keep this a surprise.

Xander pretended to pout, batting his famous puppy dog eyes at Graham. "Please?"

Graham turned his back on Xander, pulling his shirt on. "Not fair, Xan. You know what those eyes do to me. You're just going to have to wait."

"No fair. Waiting is not my favorite thing to do." Xander continued to pout as he pulled his shirt over his head. When his head popped through the neck, he looked up to see Graham standing before him.

Graham smiled, blushing slightly, at his lover. "Oh, I know it's not your favorite thing."

Xander blushed, shyly looking away. "Gods, how am I going to get through tonight with you sitting there, looking so jumpable?"

"Easy. We'll just have to make use of Giles' bathroom." Graham laughed at the expression on Xander's face. A mixture of deer caught in the headlights and total lust.

"Oh my god, could you imagine?" Xander said in a whisper, a sure sign that he was already imagining many things.

Graham waggled his eyebrows at Xander, smile spreading into a wide, leering grin.

"Never mind. Forgot who I was talking to for a minute." Xander chuckled as he grabbed Graham's shirtfront, pressing a brief, crushing kiss on his lips.

Graham grabbed Xander by the shoulders, pulling him closer for a moment, before pushing him away. "We can't start that now. We'll never make the meeting."

"Meeting? What meeting?" Xander's dazed eyes drooped as he grinned at his lover.

Graham finished buttoning up his shirt, moving toward the door. Just before leaving the room, he looked back over his shoulder, eyes trailing up and down Xander's body. "Get a move on, Gorgeous. Don't wanna keep the family waiting."

Xander reached back into the closet, pulling out a lime green shirt to throw on over his orange tee. "Okay, but if you're going on this errand, how am I getting to the meeting?"

"Riley and Buffy have to drive right by here to get there, just call them up. They'll give you a lift. Now, I really have to go if I'm gonna make it back to Giles' before this Scooby thing is over." Coming up to Xander, Graham gave him a quick kiss before walking to the door. "Promise me you won't try to be the brave one and walk?"

"I promise." Xander watched him walk out the door, mumbling. "Like I've ever been brave in my life."

*****

Willow walked back into the kitchen, passing Giles as she made her way to the fridge. "That was Buffy calling on her cell, she and Riley are going to swing by and pick up Xander on the way. She said they should be here shortly."

"Very well, I suppose I can put the tea on hold for now." Giles tone of voice and expression made it clear that he wasn't in favor of delaying the meeting. He really wanted to get this out of the way so that he could get back to his weekend of relaxation and reading.

"Okay. I'm going to go set up the books. We may need to cross-reference with a couple of websites too. I'll check on that. Think we should go ahead and order the pizza, or wait for Buffy and Riley?" Willow fired the questions at him in full babble mode, her mind obviously occupied with many more things than just this short fact finding meeting.

"And Xander. Lord knows what he will have put on it tonight." Giles shuddered as he remember the previous few forays into adventure that were Xander's pizza orders.

"Yeah, sure...whatever." Willow left the kitchen, moving into the den. Grabbing armloads of books, she opened them to the marked pages and placed them in a specific order on the table. Giles stood at the window between the den and kitchen, watching her with a concerned look on his face.

"Willow, are you sure you're alright?" Trying to pose the question in a neutral voice, he failed. He'd noticed earlier that Willow wasn't behaving in her usual manner, but to casually disregard Xander was something he'd never thought the young witch would do.

Willow smiled back at him. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem rather put out with Xander. Did something happen?" Giles watched the girl carefully as he asked, noticing the wince as he said Xander's name.

"No. What could have happened? He's my best friend." Tight lips barely moved as she mumbled out the expected response, but her avoidance of Giles gaze said much more than her words. For the moment though, Giles thought it prudent to drop the matter.

"Well, if you say so. Oh, Willow, don't stack those books on top of one another. If the pages touch, there is no telling what kind of untold horror could be unleashed on the unsuspecting world. Really, Willow, you should try to be more careful."

"Oops, sorry." Willow quickly moved the book on top to the other side of the table, making sure it was safe to set it down. With the last of the books laid out, she pulled out her laptop, hooking it up to the phone line. Just as she got the computer up and running, Buffy, Riley, and Xander walked through the door.

"Hey boys and girls. Where's the pizza? Can't have a party without pizza." Xander smiled widely, clapping his hands together. He noticed Willow over at the table and wanted to go to her, but before he could, Giles' voice interrupted him.

"Good lord, Xander. You behave as if you had never eaten."

Buffy rolled her eyes as she gave Giles a tight hug. "Don't mind him, he's been eating chocolate ever since we picked him up. Speaking of which, sorry Giles, there's no dessert."

Giles scowled at Xander. "That's fine Buffy. It just so happens that I planned ahead for just such an occurrence. There's a cheesecake in the refrigerator, and everyone who didn't eat all of the chocolate may indulge themselves." Giles mimicked one of Xander's famous smirks, but it slipped as he noticed everyone heading for the kitchen. "After dinner!"

"Not nice to tease me with cheesecake, Giles. A hungry slayer is not your friend."

"Yes. Well, if Xander will just call Barney's, we will have our pizza shortly."

Everyone turned to Xander, expecting him to have the phone already in hand. Instead, he stood across the room, staring out the window.

"Xander?" Buffy called out, a quizzical expression on her face.

"Hmm?" Clearly distracted and not listening, Xander never took his eyes away from the window.

"Xander!" Raising her voice, Buffy tried again to get his attention.

"Yeah? Hey, Buffy, you need something?" Xander looked up, noticing that everyone was staring at him. He still kept one eye on the window as he listened to Buffy.

"Umm, yeah. You're pizza guy, remember? You order the pizza cause you get a discount? Ring a bell?" Buffy spoke slowly, as if to a child. But the smile on her face showed that she was only teasing.

"Oh yeah. We'll have to wait a bit on that." Wincing, Xander babbled the words out at a pace he hoped no one would be able to follow.

"And my next question would be, why?" Apparently Buffy had spent enough time around both he and Willow to become well versed in the language of babble.

"After Willow came over, I ran into Graham and asked if he wanted to join us tonight. That's okay, right?" A slight blush and nibbling of lips went largely unnoticed by the others but were sure signs of Xander being very nervous.

"Fine with me. But where did you see Graham?" Buffy raised an eyebrow at Xander, not having seen this level of babbling since he'd been dating Cordelia.

*Snort*

Xander swung his head around to see Willow walking into the kitchen, a strange look on her face. "'Scuse me for a minute, everybody." His voice bordered on anger as he made his way past a confused looking Buffy, following the redhead into the kitchen.

"You wanna tell me what that was all about?" Xander demanded in a hushed voice.

"What what was all about?" Willow refused to meet his eyes as she continued pulling glasses down from the cabinet.

"Oh no, don't pull that 'little miss innocent' act with me, I've known you too long to believe that anymore. Are you upset about what happened this afternoon?" Xander was determined to get this out, he hated there being anything between himself and Willow, but he also knew that he wasn't giving Graham up.

"Xander, I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing happened today. Well, that's not true, I did find out about my grades for the semester. I passed." Finishing with a smile, Willow glanced at Xander, then back at the tray on the counter.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. Congratulations, by the way." Xander crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe.

"Oh! You mean walking in on my supposedly straight best friend while he was bangin' the boyfriend? And thanks." Willow clenched her hands on the countertop, trying not to let the anger take control.

"I was NOT 'banging' the boyfriend. Is that what has you so upset? You freaked because I'm gay, or is it because my boyfriend is Graham?" Xander's voiced raised with every breath, outraged that Willow could appear this hypocritical to him. Considering who her last lover was, she was the last one he'd expected to react in a negative way.

"I'm mad because you didn't tell me. You didn't trust me." Willow's voiced raised alongside his. From past experience, she knew that the only way to stop Xander from yelling was for her to yell back.

Xander moved over to Willow's side, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Dropping a kiss on top of her head. He whispered what he hoped were comforting words. "Oh God, Willow. Don't feel that way. I never meant to hide it, or to hurt you. I just wanted to be greedy, keep it to myself for a while. Then after, you know, I didn't bring it up because I didn't know how to do it and not hurt you."

"I'm sorry Xander. I'm so sorry that I made you feel you had to hide. But, just answer me one question. Are you happy?" Willow began crying as she looked up at Xander. Guilt washed all the anger out of her as she saw in hindsight all the signs and hints that showed that Xander was begging someone to ask.

"Willow, you couldn't possibly believe how happy he makes me." The smile on Xander's face alone would have told a blind, deaf, mute just how true that was. But it was the words that hit Willow hardest. She let the pain pass through her, no longer burning as it once had. Now she welcomed the pain, because it meant that she would never forget.

Xander saw the wistful expression on her face, knew whom she was thinking of. "Maybe you do know, huh?"

Willow nodded, letting Xander wrap her in a comforting embrace. "Yeah, I know."

"Aww, that is soooo sweet." Buffy ran into the room, throwing her arms around them both, "So, you and Graham, huh? I want details. Does he still do all those crunches and things in the morning? Riley does. Oh, Xan, we have to get together and compare notes."

"Uh, let's not and say we did, 'k?" Xander was nervous, very nervous. If Buffy overheard his conversation with Willow, that meant everyone did. He was sooo not looking forward to seeing Riley anytime in the near future. "So, everyone heard?"

"Yeah. Between the open window and the open door, the room isn't exactly soundproof. Besides, you were yelling. Loud." Buffy stammered out, giving her own impression of Willow babble, as she wrung her hands together.

"What did they say? Is Riley mad? Oh God, Buffy, you hold him and I'll run. Does Giles have a backdoor?" Xander felt the fear catch up to him, he hunched down, hiding behind the two girls.

Buffy laughed lightly, hugging Xander again. "Don't worry about Riley, Graham is with him now. Trust me, he's fine with it. Everyone is."

"Graham's here? When did he come in?" Smile returning, Xander started out of the kitchen.

Buffy grabbed his elbow. "Hold on there, Lover boy. I said he was with Riley, let them talk. And he came in somewhere around 'not banging the boyfriend'."

Xander's blush rushed over his face. "Oh God, I forgot about that."

Willow heard the two former soldiers returning to the living room. She turned to Xander with a smile. "Why don't you go talk to your man." She kept smiling as Xander started past her, then grabbed his arm. "Xander...I just wanted you to know. No matter what's going on with me, I'll always be there for you. If you want to talk?"

Xander gave her a lopsided smile, covering the hand she had on his arm with his own. "Thanks, Will. I'll keep that in mind. So, we okay?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"Xander? You in here?" Graham appeared in the door, his smile broadening to encompass his whole face. "Hey you."

"Hey." The smile on Xander's face matched the one on Graham's, lighting up the room. He moved into his lover's embrace, wrapping his own arms around Graham's waist, head on his shoulder. The two lovers stood like that, locked in an embrace, for a few moments before a chorus of ‘Aww’ interrupted them. Looking up, seeing everyone crowded into the window over the counter, they both blushed.

"So, I hear you kinda let the cat out of the bag." Graham looked into Xander's eyes as he spoke, his smile belying his serious tone.

"Yeah, sorry about that. It was an accident. I've wanted to tell them for a long time, though. I was just gonna talk to you about it first, make sure you were okay with it."

"I'm great with it. In fact, I had planned on doing that tonight anyway. It kinda went with the surprise I got for you."

"Ooo, does that mean I get my surprise now?" Xander's eyes lit up as he started bouncing around like a kid on Christmas.

Graham chuckled deep in his chest. "I guess so, if you think everyone can wait on the pizza."

Buffy spoke up, smiling. "I think Riley can handle the ordering just this once. I don't mind paying the extra when Xander's this happy."

"Hey, why me?" Riley asked in a mock pout.

Buffy walked out of the kitchen, but they could still hear her whispers to Riley. "Cause you're a guy. You can try and say you're Xander, and maybe we can still get that discount."

Willow laughed at Buffy's response, turned back to Xander and Graham. "I can leave you guys alone. I'll be right out here."

Graham grabbed her arm. "No, I'd like you to stay. If you don't mind?"

The nervousness in his voice convinced Willow to stay. "Okay, but I'm gonna be over here, in the corner. Staying out of the way."

Xander couldn't be patient anymore. He grabbed Graham's shirt, pulling him back around. "Surprise. Now. Please?"

Graham laughed again. "Ok, ok. Hang on." Reaching into his pocket, Graham pulled out a small blue box, handing it over.

Xander stared at the box in his hand, his breath catching in his throat. Not many things came in boxes like this, so he had kind of an idea of what it was. But he was in no way prepared for the sight when he opened the box. Inside, on a bed of blue velvet, lay a small, golden band. A line of pure silver crisscrossed in a complicated latticework, circling the ring.

"Oh, Graham. Oh my god. It's so beautiful." Xander threw himself at Graham, wrapping arms and legs around him.

Graham pulled Xander back enough for the brunette to set his feet on the floor, but they kept their arms wound around each other. The former soldier leaned in, kissing his lover. Both groaned as the kiss deepened, until a light cough from Willow caused Graham to remember where they were.

Breaking away from Xander, Graham grabbed his hand, pulling him into the living room and motioning for Willow to follow. Everyone turned, smiling as they entered. Riley started to speak, but Graham held up a hand, cutting him off.

"I'd like to say something, and there's no better place than here, surrounded by our best friends, to say it. As most of you heard earlier, Xander and I have been seeing each other. For quite a while, actually." Graham looked over at Willow. "I know some of you have some problems with that. I hope you can come to terms with them. I don't want to hurt anyone, or piss anyone off, but as long as Xander will put up with me, I have no intentions of going anywhere. Which brings me to my point." He turned to Xander, taking the ring box from him. He removed the ring from the box and dropped to one knee, smiling back up at his love through tears of happiness. "I love you, more than I can say. More than I can believe sometimes. And the miracle of it all is that you love me back. Xander Harris, will you marry me?"

***************

"Oh, Graham. Oh God, Graham. Yes!" Xander threw his arms around Graham's neck, causing them both to tumble to the floor.

Graham wrapped his arms around Xander's back, rolling them over to look down in to his eyes. "Really? Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." Lifting his head, Xander captured Graham's lips with his own, tracing the outline of his lover's lips with his tongue before thrusting into the warm interior.

Graham deepened the kiss, twining his fingers in all that mahogany hair, pressing his groin into Xander's thigh.

"Ahem! You guys, uh, wanna be alone?" Riley stood over them, blushing, but smiling at the same time.

The sound of voices above them froze the two lovers. Graham pulled back, smiling down into dark chocolate eyes. Both stifling their laughter, Graham pulled them to their feet.

"No, that's okay. We've made you all wait long enough on dinner. Let's get the pizzas ordered so Xan here can eat."

Buffy walked up, linking hands with Riley. "Already done, should be here soon."

"Okay. We'll just go and, uh, wash up then." Xander grinned up at Graham, eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Ah, one at a time. There will be none of that in my bathroom." Giles spoke up, polishing his glasses. When he put them back on, he just barely caught the sheepish grins passing between the two couples. Turning to Willow, rolling his eyes, he saw the faint blush covering her cheeks. "Oh, good lord. Have you people no shame?"

They all laughed as he left the room, headed upstairs. "You all stay there, I have some papers upstairs that I need." He kept on up the stairs, rubbing at his temples. "Please God, let there be papers. Somewhere."

While Graham pulled Xander into the corner, hugging him close and whispering, Buffy walked over to Willow. "Hey, how ya doin'"

"I'm good. Look at them." Willow pointed at the lovers, laughing and talking together. "They're so happy. Gives me hope."

"For what?"

"For everything, love, life. You know, when I found out earlier today, I got so mad. Mostly for the reasons I told Xander. But also because I was just jealous. I thought about all the things I’d had, the things I may never have again. And in my mind, I turned it all into this huge thing. I couldn't see past it. But now, seeing them, how happy they are, how in love they are, it just gives me such a sense of peace. And hope."

Buffy reached over, pulling the silently crying woman to her, rocking her gently. "Everything's going to be okay, Will."

"I know. But first, there's something I have to do." She broke free of Buffy's embrace, walking slowly over to Graham and Xander. "Graham, can I speak with you for a minute?"

"Sure. " Graham gave her a short nod, then with a kiss to his lover, along with a questioning look, he followed her. Sitting beside the witch on the couch, Graham reminded himself of just who, and what, it was he was talking too. "What's up, Willow?"

"I feel I need to apologize to you. For this afternoon. I had some personal issues and I let them get in the way of seeing how happy you make Xander. I don't know how much he's told you about his past, nor is it my place to go into it, but it's very rare to see him really and truly happy. And I want to say thank you."

"Wow, Will. I don't know what to say, except that I feel that I'm the lucky one. I've never felt anything in my life like what I feel when I'm with him."

Willow reached over, pulling a surprised Graham into a friendly hug. She kissed him on both cheeks, and then looked into his eyes. "This is usually the point where I give the shovel talk, ya know."

"Yeah, Riley told me about that."

"Well, I think we both know that if you hurt Xander, I won't need a shovel." With that, she stood, walking back over to join Giles as he came back down the stairs. Leaving a stunned Graham staring after her.

*****

"No! Not him. Not Graham." Xander lay on the cavern floor, beaten and chained, as he watched his lover being gutted. Bloody tears burned tracks down his face. "Why?"

"You meddled in things that were not your concern."

"But he had nothing to do with it. It was me and.. You should punish me. Leave him out of this."

"Oh, but I am punishing you, boy." Suddenly, the demon's face changed. Xander looked up into the eyes of his father "I told ya, boy. I warned you. Don't go poking your nose in. But you never did listen well, did ya? What kind of father would I be if I didn't punish you for disobeying me?"

Xander, eyes wide with fear, scooted back against the wall, shaking his head. "No. This isn't possible. You're dead. They told me you were dead."

"I was, boy. But I told you I'd always be back for what's mine. Told that bitch too. Nice as her momma was, you'd have thought she'd teach that little bitch of her's some manners. But I can't really blame her for all of it, can I? I mean, somebody had to go blabbing their mouth, else she'd have never known anything."

Xander, still curled into the corner, watched the man he'd once called Father as he walked back over to Graham. The former soldier lay upon a concrete slab, barely breathing. As his father stood over his lover, Xander could see the knife in his hand. And he screamed in Graham's place as the knife slid across his neck, slicing through the flesh.

*****

Screams woke Buffy from a light sleep. She sprang out of bed, Riley behind her as she pulled on a robe and ran for the bedroom door.

Meeting Willow at the top of the stairs, they made their way to the front door, Riley pulling it open.

Graham ran into the house, carrying an unconscious but screaming Xander in his arms. "Help him. I can't make it stop. He's hurting and I can't stop it." He placed Xander on the couch, kneeling at his side. Hands that trembled in fear threaded through Xander's hair, trying to soothe away the fear. Graham turned wide, watery eyes on Willow. "Help him."

Willow went to Xander, sitting on the couch and taking his head in her lap. "My poor Xan, not again."

The other three looked at her. She turned teary eyes on Graham, shaking her head. "He hasn't done this in years. What would make this happen again now, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. We went home, we showered. He was tired, so we went to bed early; I woke up to his screams. Oh God, Willow. Can you stop it?" Graham was pacing back and forth in front of the couch, arms wrapped tightly around himself. "What did you mean, he hasn't done this in years? This has happened before?"

"It used to happen all the time. He would show up at my house in the middle of the night and crawl through my window. After I'd gotten him to go to sleep, the dream would start. It was always horrible. But that stopped. I don't understand this."

"When did it stop? What stopped it?"

"I did." Buffy spoke up, voice quivering with barely suppressed rage. "Graham, how much has Xander told you about his family, his past?"

"Not much. He told me he didn't have a happy childhood. But mostly we didn't really talk about it. He always said 'look to the future', and I never brought it up."

"Buffy, it's not our place to say." Willow looked at Buffy, begging.

"Somebody better damn well tell me something. What's hurting him? If you can stop it, do it."

"He dreams, Graham. He doesn't remember when he's awake, but his father was a very cruel man. He tortured Xander. He blamed him for not being the kind of son he wanted. Then when he found out that Xander wasn't really his son, it got even worse."

"Worse? How could it get worse?" Graham, no longer able to stand, collapsed to the floor.

"I can't tell you."

"Willow, he has a right to know." Buffy ran her hand across Xander's forehead, making shushing noises.

"I will not bring this back into his life. He doesn't remember it, and I don't want too."

"What do you mean? You knew?"

"Yes I knew. I knew it all. I saw it, in his dreams. It was like living through it myself."

"Oh, Willow. You never said anything." Buffy moved from her place at Xander's head to take Willow in her arms.

"It wasn't my place. He blocked out the abuse, and he never remembered the dreams."

Buffy caught Riley's eyes, motioning to Graham. Riley walked over to his friend, pulling him to his feet. "Come on Gray, let's get some coffee, let Willow help him." Riley and Buffy both supported Graham as they helped him out of the room.

Willow sat with Xander, his screams tearing her heart to pieces. She did the only thing she could think of. She ran her hands through his hair, singing. "Hush little baby, don't say a word. momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird." As she sang, her tears fell down her face. She sang until she had no voice, Xander's screams subsiding, little by little.

When Graham returned to take his place by Xander's side, his love was sleeping. Not a peaceful sleep, but his screams had stopped.

"What do I do? How do I stop this from happening again?" Graham's eyes sought out Willow's, begging for her help. "Please tell me."

"The last time he had this dream was the night Buffy killed his father. We were all supposed to go out to the Bronze, but Xander never showed up. Buffy and I decided to go by his house and see if he was sick or, knowing him, if he'd just forgotten. That's when we saw it. Xander was chained up in the basement, and his father was standing over him with his belt in his hand. God, Graham, he wouldn't stop hitting him. Xander begged for him to stop, but he wouldn't. His father kept screaming at him, calling him a stupid bastard. And that was the nicest of the names."

"What happened? Why was he...why would he..?"

"He never needed a reason. He enjoyed it. But this time Buffy was there. She stepped in between them, and stopped him from hitting Xander. She was so angry, so enraged, she didn't even think. When she hit him, it crushed his skull. She killed him to save Xander."

"Does he know? Is that why he still dreams about it?"

"No. He never knew what happened. After he got out of the hospital, he didn't even know why he was in there. We told him he was in a car accident with his dad and that he was the only one who survived. He doesn't remember any of it. Not that night, not any of the beatings. I'm not even really sure if he has all that many memories of his past."

"Let's let him sleep, if he can." Willow slid out from under Xander, Graham helping her to her feet. They both looked sadly at Xander's sleeping form before turning to leave the room.

Riley looked up when Willow and Graham came back into the kitchen, he handed them both a cup of coffee. "Here, I think you'll need this. It's gonna be a long night." Then, with a lift at one corner of his mouth, he looked at Graham. "And you might want to go upstairs and borrow some clothes."

Graham looked down at himself, seeing he was wearing nothing but his boxers. "Yeah, I guess so. I didn't think about it. I just wrapped him up in the sheet and ran over here."

Buffy looked over, brow furrowed with concern. "You walked all the way? Graham, that's very dangerous."

"I know, Buffy. But getting help for Xander was more important. And I said ran, not walked."

"Graham, I know you were just thinking of Xander, but you should have been more careful."

"The room's at the top of the stairs, third door on the left." Riley spoke softly, at the same time silently telling his wife to back off.

"Okay, I'll go on up, maybe grab a shower, or something." Graham sat his coffee down next to the sink, hands shaking. On his way to the stairs, he passed by the living room entrance. He stood staring at Xander for a few minutes, then quickly moved up the stairs.

Finding an old pair of sweats in Riley's closet, Graham took them with him into the bathroom. He moved mechanically as he turned on the water, undressed, and climbed in. It wasn't until the heat of the water started loosening the muscles in his neck and shoulders that everything really hit him. And without sound, without thought, Graham crumbled, sinking to his knees, and let the tears he'd held back pour out.

*****

Xander woke to the soft sound of his lover's breath. He stretched, feeling Graham snuggled tightly to his back, and let out a sigh of contentment. *This is how life is supposed to be. Sleeping in on Saturdays with the man of your dreams, snuggles whenever you want them, and... shit!* Well, maybe it wasn't so perfect after all. His most perfect vision of heaven had turned that sharp corner into hell. He would have to leave his warm bubble of happiness. He had to pee.

Still half asleep, Xander lifted Graham's arm and gently stood, stretching again, then headed down the hall, yawning. Reaching the bathroom, he wondered for half a second why the door was closed, but figured either he or Graham must have closed it for some unknown reason. He turned the knob, pushing on the door, then kicked it when it wouldn't open. He pulled back, ready to shoulder it open, but it came easily toward him. *Okay, that's weird.* With a confused glance at the offending door, he shrugged and walked into the... *closet? When did we put a closet in the bathroom?*

"Graham?" Xander thought he'd screamed the name, but it came out as a whispered squeak. Running back down the hall, he took just enough time to recognize that Graham was sleeping on a couch before throwing himself on top of his lover. "Graham. Wake up. Something's happened."

Graham, who'd awakened as soon as the knee hit his stomach, looked up at Xander with worry, love, then fear. "What? What happened, baby?"

"Somebody broke in and moved everything." Xander clung to Graham, trembling. He was completely unprepared for the soft chuckling that came from his lover. He sat up, anger replacing the fear, and smacked Graham on the chest. "This is not funny."

"Xander, nobody came in and moved anything. We're at Buffy and Riley's house. And ow, by the way."

"Oh, like you really felt that through all those muscles." But he still leaned down to lay a kiss on the slightly reddened area where his hand had hit. Then, with his cheek pressed to Graham's chest, he looked up into his eyes. "Why are we at Buffy's? We were at home last night."

"There was a problem last night, I needed Willow's help. I didn't want to wake you, so I brought us over." Graham hoped the words came out convincingly, but he couldn't really concentrate right now.

Xander had been listening to Graham’s breathing while he lay against him. Just as Graham had started speaking, Xander began running his tongue around his nipple. He loved the way Graham's breath would catch when he flicked across the little nub.

"Problem?" Xander mumbled, moving lower, scooting his body down Graham's, taking the borrowed sweats with him. He traced the ridges of the six pack abs, played in and around the almost outie belly button, and created a connect-the-dots game with the freckles between the navel and where Graham's only body hair started.

"Nothing...ahh, Xander, nothing major...oh God, Xander. Do that again." Graham threw his head back against the arm of the couch, biting his lip, as Xander ran his tongue down the shaft of his cock and made circles around his balls.

Xander then made his way back up Graham's body, trailing his tongue in a single line all the way up. He reached Graham's Adam’s apple, sucking gently, before moving up to his mouth. Trembling again, Xander whispered against those lips. "Graham, make love to me. Please?"

"Oh, baby." Graham took Xander's shoulders in his hands, flipping them over, and crushing his mouth against the dark haired man's. He moved around, grinding their crotches together, using the movement of his legs to work the sweats down his legs, then kicking them off his feet. Xander melted, squirming bonelessly underneath his, now naked, lover. His hands everywhere, he couldn't get enough of the feeling of Graham's body pressed into his. Xander raised his legs, wrapping them around Graham's waist.

"Xander, wait. We can't do this. We don't have any lube, and I don't want to hurt you." Graham tried pulling away from Xander, but was having no luck. The other man's hands were everywhere, pulling and tugging and caressing.

Xander pulled one of his hands away from Graham's body, flailing it wildly above his head. He nearly knocked over the lamp, before his hand was caught and brought back down and between their bodies.

"What, Xan. What is it?" Graham looked at his lover, worried he might be hurting him.

"Dr--draw---er. In the drawer." Xander gasped out the words, unwilling to take his mouth off Graham's body.

Graham reached over to the end table, pulling the drawer open, and searching inside. He ran his hand along the bottom, until he came upon a small bag in the back. He grabbed it and brought it back to lay on the floor beside the couch. "Xander, this is a first aid kit. Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?"

Xander knew what was coming next and wrapped both arms and legs around his lover, pulling him back down. "No. You never hurt me, except when you go away. Look inside."

Graham gave him a puzzled look, but picked the bag up and looked inside. All he saw was band-aids, gauze, scissors, and Neosporin. He started to ask Xander what he was supposed to be looking for, when it hit him. He laughed as he pulled out the half empty tube of cream. "Naughty, naughty boy. Where did you learn this?"

"How do you think I kept myself sane on all those nights I couldn't be with you?" Xander blushed as he answered. "Graham, now. Please?"

Graham tried opening the tube but, distracted by scenes of Xander using the Neosporin, couldn't get the top off. Becoming impatient, he used one thumb to break off the tip, then quickly squeezed a little onto his fingers. With infinite care, he reached down between their bodies, tickling the ring around Xander's hole. He waited for his lover's signal before pressing a finger into him, feeling Xander's sigh of total surrender as his finger buried inside him. Back and forth, Graham teased the brunette beneath him, adding a little crooked twist as he nearly exited. When he thought Xander was ready, he added another finger, spreading the cream up inside the opening.

"Oooh God, Graham. More." Xander begged, trying to thrust himself downward as the third finger was pushed into him, scissoring open and closed. But before he could pull them any further in, they were gone. His disappointed groan quickly turned into a growling moan as Graham pressed his cock to his entrance.

Heaven and hell merged in Xander's mind as Graham pressed against him. The slight pain went unnoticed as the pleasure of being possessed by this man encompassed Xander's entire being. Graham clasped his hips, pressing inward, gasping at the sensation surrounding him.

Graham held his control in check by sheer force of will. He wanted to take it slow, show Xander just how much he loved him. But at the same time all he could think of was being inside him, body and soul. He had visions of Xander, laughing and excited, naked and tempting, all playing in his head, bringing him too close to the edge.

Bracing himself on his hands, Graham pushed himself up, looking down on his lover. "Xander, I'm not sure I can last. You are so damn beautiful."

"Fast is good. Now is even better. Don't hold back, Graham. I need you in me." Xander tried pushing down onto Graham with his hips, but couldn't get the leverage he needed. He slid his hands down Graham's back. Then, clutching at his ass, Xander pulled Graham into him. "Ahhhhh, yes. Oh God, yes."

Graham collapsed onto Xander, pressing his face into his neck. "Xander!!" He grunted out the name, thrusting in and out, speed increasing, then slowing, keeping Xander on the edge, but not letting him cross over.

Xander clenched his teeth together, squeezing his eyes shut, overcome by pleasure. He arched his back, pressing up against Graham, pulling him closer, trying to meld them together. His whole body shivered and purred as Graham continued his thrusts. "L-love y-you." He buried his face in his lover's neck, biting the salty flesh to keep his screams at bay as his orgasm ripped through him.

"Unh Xan, oh God. Oh my God, Baby." Graham gasped breathlessly, his own orgasm following closely behind his lover's. Collapsing down onto Xander, he panted, trying to catch his breath. "We're gonna have to get some more of that."

"Oh, yeah." Xander laughed, hugging Graham to him.

"Riley, where's my hairbrush?" Buffy's words came from upstairs. With evidence of others awake within the house, Xander slid out from underneath Graham, tossing him the sweats.

"Here, put these on, I have some clothes in Willow's room. I'll be back." Xander left the room, clasping the sheet around him, as Graham lay there wondering if he had the strength to even lift himself from the couch.

"Buffy, your brush is where it is every morning, in the drawer by the sink." Riley called out the answer to his wife as he left the bedroom. Passing by Xander on the stairs, he gave the younger man a worried look over before continuing on into the living room. "Graham, good you're awake. Wanna join me for a run?"

"Sure. Just as soon as I can stand up." Graham laughed up at his best friend. Then accepted the hand up from the couch. "Don't suppose I could borrow a shirt?"

"Already gotcha covered." Riley tossed the shirt he’d brought down with him to Graham.

Catching the shirt and pulling it over his head, Graham walked over to the bottom of the stairs. "Xander. I'm going out with Riley. We'll be back in about 20 minutes."

"Gotcha whooped already, huh?" Riley joked with Graham, then turned beet red when he heard Buffy yelling from the bathroom.

"Riley Finn, where are you going? We have to be at Giles' for a breakfast meeting in two hours."

"Honey, we're just going out for a run, we'll be back in plenty of time for the meeting."

"You better be."

Riley turned back to head out the door, seeing Graham standing there, trying to smother his laughter. "Aww, shut up."

***************

**A month later.**

"No."

"Aww, come on Xander. Just look at it."

"Willow, I don't care how much you beg, or how many times you give me those almost irresistible puppy eyes, I am not buying Bride magazine."

"But it's your wedding Xander. We have to start planning it, or it'll never happen."

"Yeah, but I'm not going to be wearing a long white dress, so I don't need that."

"There's more in here than just the dresses. They have all these articles on receptions, cakes, what kind of flowers to get, how to pick the best color scheme for you."

"Willow, what planet did you come from? It's not going to be a real wedding. We're just going to have someone say some fancy words and that's it."

"What do you mean? Of course it'll be a real wedding. We'll decorate; have flowers, maids of honor. The whole works."

"What's it gonna take to put this off for a while? Chocolate? Caffeine? A lifetime supply of candles in all your favorite colors? Willow, I'm really not in the mood to go over all this right now. All I want to do is get the shopping done and get home."

Xander reached up on the shelf and pulled down a jar of peanut butter, a grin crossing his face as he placed it in the buggy. He couldn't help but remember why they'd run out of it in the first place, and thinking about that, he quickly grabbed two more jars before heading around the corner to the next aisle.

"Xander, why do you need so much peanut butter? And shouldn't you get more bread?"

"No. Don't need bread." Xander ducked his head as he walked away from Willow and the cart. He was sooo not explaining to his best friend why he wanted the peanut butter, and especially why it had to be the kind with chocolate in it.

Picking up a case of Graham's favorite soda, Xander walked back to the cart and set it down inside. "There, that's it. Now, let's go to the check out so I can get home. I'm exhausted."

"Okay, lead the way. Oh, did Graham get all his stuff moved in okay? I know Riley was really sore the last couple of days from helping him with the furniture."

"Yep, he officially spends his first night in *our* apartment tonight. That's another reason I want to get home. I want to have dinner ready and waiting when he gets home."

Willow flashed a playfully evil grin at Xander. "Aww, you gonna be the little housewife now? When are the babies due? Want to clip coupons with me?"

"Ha ha ha. Remind me again why you're my best friend?"

"Cause you lost the bet."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that part."

"Besides, who else would help you pick out your wedding dress?" Willow ducked to the side to avoid the slap Xander aimed at her shoulder, but couldn't resist one final dig at him. "Wow Xander, you've got the girlie fight thing down already, I'm impressed."

"Cut it out, Will. I'm nervous enough already. And you weren't too far off with that housewife remark either. Graham's asking why I can't find a job that doesn't leave me hurting and exhausted every night."

"Xander, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think he's right. Between pulling ten hours a day at the construction site, and then helping out with the slaying at night, you're just doing too much. You're going to make yourself sick."

"I know. It's just...I don't want Graham to think that I only want him for his money, I don't want to sit around the house all day, making goo goo eyes over Martha Stewart's latest creation."

"Well, you don't have to sit around the house, doing nothing. You could help Giles out at the store, he was saying he needed the help. And by being there, you could help out even more with the Hellmouthy things."

"Really? You think he'd let me help out? Cause I gotta tell ya, this construction thing, not as much fun as it used to be."

As Xander paid for the groceries and pushed the cart out to the car, he thought over what Willow had told him. He could work for Giles, that way he'd be able to spend more time with Graham at night instead of being too exhausted to move when he got home. And Graham could even come to the store with him. Giles would never object to the extra muscle, or more help with research.

"You know what, Willow? I think I will ask Giles about it. First thing tomorrow, I'll call him." Xander put the car in gear and drove away from the store, never seeing the sly grin on Willow's face as she sat in the passenger seat, sipping her soda.

*****

Xander stood at the back of the car, gathering the shopping bags up to take inside. He'd sent Willow ahead to have the door unlocked and opened for him. He was still thinking of all the possibilities that could arise from having more time on his hands when working for Giles as opposed to the construction site, when he heard the scream. Dropping all the bags at the bottom of the stairs, he took them two at a time, fear making both his heart and feet speed up. He rounded the last flight of stairs and flew down the hall, coming to a screeching halt outside his own door. He couldn't help it, he burst out laughing.

Willow stood just inside the door, her back to the room, while a red faced, and very much naked Graham stood beside the couch, clutching a big throw pillow to him and stammering apologies to anyone within view.

When Xander had his giggles under control enough to draw a breath, he put his arm around Willow and guided her back out into the hall. "Will, why don't you go down stairs and bring up the bags I dropped, while I see if I can't do something with Graham." Then taking in the situation again, he fell into another fit of laughter as Willow ran down the stairs almost as fast as he'd run up them.

"Xander, this isn't funny. You should have told me Willow was coming back with you. Do you realize how embarrassing this is?"

"Oh, I don't know, I think it's kinda kinky."

"Xander Harris.....!" Graham never got to finish his nearly outraged reaction. Just as he started speaking, Xander wrapped his arms around him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Then he sniffed.

"I smell chocolate. Why do I smell chocolate? Has Graham been naughty?"

Graham allowed a small, sheepish smile to cross his face as he ducked his head. "Maybe a little." He mumbled the words out, pulling back the pillow. Xander's eyes teared up as he read Happy Anniversary written, well smeared now, across his lover's stomach.

"Oh, Graham. That's sooo sweet. I love you." He pulled Graham to him, not caring about the gooey mess he was getting all over his shirt, and kissed Graham, hands running all over his back. He pulled back when he heard Willow at the door.

"Um, I'll just put these here. And go. Yeah, um, I'll see you guys later, k?" Willow dropped all the bags and started back down the hall, stopped only by Xander's voice as he called her back.

"Will, you don't have to leave. Graham's just gonna go jump in the shower, then we'll all eat." He looked back at his lover, waiting for Graham to agree before guiding him down the hall, using his own body to cover the still blushing ex soldier's nudity.

"Ok, but only if you're sure. It looked like Graham had plans for tonight. And I don't mean dinner and a movie."

"Yeah, but we have forever for that, how often do we get to have dinner with the bestest Wicca in the world?" He teased Willow, trying to coax her out of her embarrassment. "Really Will, it's fine." Then noticing the look on her face, gave her a wary look of his own. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No. It's just...you said forever. I think that's so romantic."

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" Xander smiled wide, letting that content feeling seep into him again. He hadn't really gotten used to the whole 'forever' thing yet, but he was definitely liking the feeling of it. He kept one ear on the shower as he ushered Willow into the kitchen, taking the bags along with him. He quickly slid the peanut butter into the pantry, then laid out the rest of the contents on the counter before pulling pots and pans out of cabinets. "You may as well give me a hand in here, unless you'd like to sit on the couch and watch the TV that stopped working."

"No, that's okay, I can help. What are we making?" Willow looked over the things laying out on the counter, then cast a questioning look toward Xander.

"Oh, this isn't dinner, this is dessert. I called Graham's mom and she gave me the recipe for his favorite kind of cake. Something called Chesscake. The dinner will be easy compared to this, he seems to like burger and fries a lot. He said he never got them when they were part of Maggie's experiment. So I'm making them for him tonight, and the Chesscake is the surprise. Don't look at the amount of sugar unless you're prepared for a cavity."

Willow couldn't help it, she read over the recipe card he'd tossed on the counter. "Good God, Xander, this is enough to clog Clem's arteries. You're not seriously going to feed this to him, are you?"

"Willow, even if I weren't before, how could I resist making the favorite dessert of the man willing to write happy anniversary on his stomach and lay himself out naked, waiting for me to get home?"

"Okay, if you say so. Jeez, you really took to this whole domestic stuff didn't you? You never cooked before, I didn't even think you knew how."

"I kinda had to know how, couldn't eat at your house every night, could I?" His voice barely above a whisper, but enough for Willow to hear, she was by his side in an instant.

"None of that. Remember where you are, you're happy, you're in love. The past doesn't matter anymore."

As Xander started to answer, he heard the shower stop, signaling Graham's arrival in a few minutes. He quickly pushed all the ingredients, and the recipe card, into a drawer and was turned toward the stove, burger in hand, when his favorite ex GI walked into the room.

"Graham, I just realized I forgot to get the buns, and some other stuff. Can you run out and get them for me, please?"

"Sure. Just let me get my wallet." Graham pressed a quick kiss to the back of Xander's neck, then left the kitchen, headed toward the bedroom.

"Why are you sending him out? You know you got all that stuff, it's in the pantry." Willow whispered the words, plainly confused, as she crossed to Xander.

"Well, the surprise won't be much of a surprise if he sees me fixing it, will it?"

"Why not just have him stay in the other room?"

"Cause Graham always watches me when I cook. He says it's sexy." Xander grinned at Willow, waggling his eyebrows.

"Oh. And eww, we're not eating at the table, are we?" Willow stared at Xander with an expression of horror, and he just smiled back.

*****

"Bye Will. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, Xander, I'm going to meet you and go with you to talk to Giles. Ya big baby."

Xander smiled as he hugged her one last time and then closed and locked the door behind her, before turning back and looking around for Graham.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Xander sang out as he snuck around the apartment, searching behind every door, inside every closet, until the only rooms left were the bedroom and the bathroom. Walking toward the bedroom, he reached for the door. "Ahh, so that's where you went, huh? Thought you could hide from me? I don't think so." Xander called out, playfully, as he threw the door opened. And found an empty room. "Graham? Where are you?"

He'd just about given up looking when he saw the flicker of light coming from the bathroom. Curious, he tiptoed forward and looked inside. There were candles everywhere, all vanilla scented. They floated in the sink, stood along the windowsill, and there were some standing in the corners of the tub. The tub itself was filled with steaming water, rose petals floating on the surface. And standing in the middle of the room, was Graham. The candlelight reflected off his tanned skin, creating shadows in the dips between muscles.

Graham shuffled back and forth on his feet, inexplicably nervous, as he stood, naked, in front of his lover. "I thought, since we were interrupted earlier, maybe we could start over. Happy anniversary, baby."

"Graham, this is wonderful. When did you find the time to set all this up?"

"While you were saying goodnight to Willow. You know, you two spend more time saying bye than you do talking when you're together."

Xander blushed, looking at the floor. "But I didn't get you anything."

"Are you kidding? Do you know how many other people would have thought to call my mom and ask about my favorite foods? None. You gave me the best gift anyone has ever gotten. You gave me you." Graham stepped forward, taking Xander in his arms, and looked into his eyes. "If I were to die tonight, I'd die the happiest man on earth." He pulled Xander closer, tracing his tongue around his mouth, before softly closing his lips over his lover's.

Xander backed out of Graham's arms, keeping their eyes locked, as he slowly pushed his top shirt off his shoulders. Graham reached out to pull the t-shirt out of his pants, but his hand was batted away, Xander shaking his head and pressing him back. "I want to do this for you. Just watch."

Graham settled back, sitting on the side of the tub, and watched as Xander pulled the t-shirt slowly up his body, swaying back and forth to music he heard in his head. Gasping as the shirt rubbed across aroused nipples, the brunette's rhythm faltered slightly. He pulled the shirt over his head, resuming his slow, enticing dance, and tossed it over his shoulder. Reaching for the button of his jeans, he once again locked eyes with Graham, sharing a look of lust, love, and passion between them.

His jeans now gone, Xander danced over to Graham, before pushing his boxers down and stepping out of them. He stepped closer, Graham's knees between his legs, and sat. Linking his arms around his lover's neck, he pressed their mouths together, plunging his tongue into the moist warmth of the mouth beneath his.

Graham moaned, gripping Xander's hips and lifting him up. He turned, pulling his head back, and lifted the brunette to stand in the tub. "Bath first."

Xander pouted, unleashing his lethal eyes on his lover. "Join me?"

"I'm gonna have to talk to Willow and get a potion to make me immune to those eyes." Graham laughed, as he stepped over into the tub with Xander.

Sitting down in the water, Graham pulled Xander to sit between his legs, back pressed to his chest, and picked up the softly scented loofah. He pressed soft, slow kisses against the back of the brunette's neck as he gently caressed Xander's front with the sponge.

Xander pressed back against Graham, twisting his body to rub against his lover. The sponge fell into the water as Graham's hands clutched at Xander's arms. "Xander, that isn't helping."

"Seems to be working ok to me."

Graham growled deep in his chest. "Just what do you have in mind?"

Xander held up the bottle of bath oil, passing it back to Graham. "Got the idea?"

"Oh yeah, getting a few new ones of my own, too." Graham pushed Xander up on his knees, then rose up behind him. Taking the brunette's hands in his own, he drew them up to lay them flat against the wall, leaving Xander leaning forward slightly. He slowly licked and rubbed his way back down his lover's body. He grabbed the cheeks of Xander's ass, pressing them apart, as he continued licking downward.

"Oh God, Graham." Xander moaned as he felt the first finger enter him, spreading the bath oil around. Graham continues licking, adding little nibbles to the flesh of Xander's ass.

Xander's eyes crossed, his breath coming in quick pants, as Graham's finger just barely grazed his prostate before withdrawing, to be joined by another.

"God, Graham. Now." Xander begged, pressing back against Graham's hand. Then groaned as Graham withdrew completely from him. "Graham? Wh....?"

Graham poured out some of the bath oil into his hand, slathering it up and down his shaft. He leaned his forehead against Xander's back, slowing his breath. "You okay, baby?"

"Better than okay. I'm stupendous, really. Just don't stop. Never stop." Xander's head sought the coolness from the tiles, sweat pouring down his body. His breath caught in his throat as he felt Graham's hands on his hips, positioning him. Xander threw his head back, breath leaving his body in a rush, with the first press of Graham inside him.

No matter how many times they'd been together, Graham always felt as if it were the first. The feeling of entering his lover was, for him, the second best in the world. The first being any time he could hold Xander in his arms. He wrapped his arms around Xander's waist now, slowly pulling the brunette onto him.

Once situated within Xander, Graham slowly lowered them both back down, sitting in the warm water. "This is for you, your fantasy. What happens next?"

Xander's head turned, casting a look back over his shoulder. "I'm sure I'll think of something." He leaned forward, bracing his hands on Graham's knees, and slowly raised himself up off the cock buried in him. He teased Graham, lowering himself slightly, then raising up more. He waited, teasing, until he felt Graham tense up. Then he slammed back down onto him, fast.

"Ahh, Xander, yes!" Graham's head flew back, his eyes closed, and his hands clenching with bruising force on Xander's hips. Xander had let him know what he wanted, and he took control again. He lifted them back up, using his own hands to trap Xander's against the wall again, and thrust. He'd make three plunges, in and out, hard. Then he'd swirl his hips in a circle, making his cockhead brush across that little nub inside his lover.

Using Xander's hips to guide himself, Graham plunged. He went fast, hard. Then he slowed, barely moving at all, teasing Xander to keep him perched on the edge of orgasm. He completely withdrew, silencing Xander's whimpered complaints when he slid his cock between his thighs, then pressed the thighs together, tightly, around himself.

Xander moaned, speech and thought impossible, as Graham's cock hit against his balls with every plunge between his legs. Graham took his hands from Xander's and ran them down the length of his body, one going down the front, the other down the back. With his right hand, Graham took hold of his lover's cock, increasing the pressure on his balls with every downward stroke. With his left, he traced a path down Xander's spine, ending it by plunging his thumb into his hole. With every stroke, his cockhead would meet his hand, Xander's balls were squeezed gently in the middle.

"Ummm, Graham. In me, pleeeeeease." Xander let out a keening plea, cut off abruptly as Graham pulled back, plunging all the way inside him with one thrust.

Graham was beyond speech, the pressure from Xander's clenching muscles gripping him, causing his control to slip. He thrust repeatedly. In, out, back, forth. Then with one last, hard thrust, he gripped Xander's hips, emptying himself inside his lover.

Xander reached behind him, turning his head, and brought Graham's mouth up to meet his own, while grinding himself back onto his lover's still hard cock. Graham responded by continuing his thrusts, hitting on Xander's prostate again and again, until the orgasm was ripped from the brunette's body. Xander thrashed, impaled on Graham still, sending water flowing over the bathroom tiles.

When at last they'd both settled, Xander looked back at Graham, eyelids drooping. "So, who gets to clean up the mess?"

Graham looked out over the bathroom, noticing the knocked over candles, spilled wax, and water that was spreading into the hall carpet. "We'll call someone. Tomorrow."

***************

**Two months later**

"I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me."

Xander leaned up against the counter, twirling the duster above the glass surface. Giles had left a little over an hour ago on some mysterious errand, there'd been almost no customers all day, and the research front was looking pretty grim at the moment.

"My problems are all gone...there's no one to deriiiiide me."

He'd decided to listen to music, trying to keep his mind off the utter boredom his day had become. He'd tried out a few CDs, then the radio, but nothing worked. The only solution was a CD he'd found buried in the backseat of the car, seems Graham was keeping a little secret. * Shrek! Who would have thought Graham would like Shrek.*

"But ya gotta have friends..."

*Oh. My. God. Could this day get any worse?* And the moment he had that thought, he wished he could take it back. If Willow were here, she'd be giving him the 'I told you so' face. *Never, never, never say those words. Never even think them.* And as if to prove his point, just as he finished that thought, Buffy burst into the store.

"Xander, hurry. We have to go. Giles said to lock up and come over to the apartment. There were a couple of kids attacked last night, and he thinks he's found the demon that did it." Buffy grabbed him by the arm, pulling him toward the door.

"But, Buffy..."

"There's no time, Xander. We have to go." Dragging him behind her, she raced up the street. They'd only gone a few blocks when she changed course, detouring through the park.

"Buffy, why are we going this way? Giles' place is two miles in the other direction."

Buffy, at least, had the good grace to blush and look apologetic as she explained. "Well, you see, I just thought... It wasn't my idea, so don't kill me." Buffy pulled him around the last corner of the jogger's path, revealing a picnic area decorated with balloons tied to the trees and blankets spread out over a large area of the ground. "Graham should be here in a few minutes, Willow went to get him. I was assigned to you."

"And my shoulder socket thanks the fates for that, believe me. But what is all this?"

"Well... keep in mind this was Willow's idea, but she thought that you guys needed some kind of celebration, ya know, for the engagement and all, since just about all you've had since then was demons and vampires." Buffy stammered over her explanation, feeling the imagined weight of Xander's stare on her. Then, catching movement out of the corner of her eye, she looked back up at him, turning him to look into her face. "And before you turn around and get really mad at all of us, I just wanted to tell you, I didn't invite them. I thought it was a good idea, but I didn't make the actual call."

Xander narrowed his eyes at her, questions forming on the tip of his tongue, when he heard the high shrill voice of his nightmarish past screeching only a few feet away.

"Hi, you must be Graham. I'm Cordelia, Xander's ex girlfriend. Oh, but you have no reason to be jealous, believe me. We're just really good friends now. In fact, I'm sort of involved now, so there couldn't be anything between us, even if he still wanted it." She broke off, finally letting go of Graham's hand, as Xander walked up, wrapping his arms around his lover from behind.

"Hi Cordy. How are you?" Xander gave her a quick little wave before burying his face in Graham's neck, pressing a quick kiss there, before breathing in his scent. If not for his grip on the blonde’s shoulders, he'd have fallen over at Graham's whispered words.

"So, did they teach a class on babbling at Sunnydale High, or what?"

"Yeah, lucky for me, Buffy missed the first half of the class. She only babbles when she's nervous." Riley walked up, passing Graham and Xander their drinks. "I'm sorry Cordelia, I wasn't sure what you'd want to drink, and Wesley said something about my ass burning in seven hells if I got it wrong, so you're welcome to help yourself to anything you want."

Cordelia stomped off toward the drinks, muttering something about wiseass British guys that needed to learn when to keep their big mouths shut, leaving the three men standing there, laughing lightly.

"Hey Riley, thanks for that. I love her like a sister, but she really frays the nerves." Xander started to pull away from Graham, only to be pulled back, then kissed.

"Where do you think you're going?" Graham smiled as he gripped Xander's hips, pulling him closer.

"Uh, I thought it would be ok if I went to pee."

"Well, I guess it'll be okay. As long as you come back." Graham smiled widely, pressing one more quick kiss to Xander's lips before pushing him away.

"Always." Xander walked backward, keeping eye contact as he went, until he nearly tripped over a tree stump. He turned and raced away, headed for the public restroom building in the center of the park.

"Aww, that is sooo cute. You guys should teach a class." Cordelia had made her way back over to them, drink in hand. They all took seats on one of the many blankets spread out, Buffy coming over to join them.

"Hey guys, Wesley volunteered to take over the grill, so I'm all free. What's up." Buffy plopped down in Riley's lap, earning herself a quietly muttered 'oof' from her husband. Which in turn got him a light backhand in the chest. "Sorry, honey."

"Yeah? Well, you should be."

"Um, guys? You left Wesley in charge of a large fire? Are you insane?" Cordelia was looking freaked as she started to jump to her feet, but Buffy caught her before she could get away.

"Don't worry, your guy Groo is with him, and Willow too. They'll be fine. Just sit here and relax. I'm sure you don't get to enjoy too many sunny days in the park, working with Angel and all." Buffy succeeded in getting Cordy to stay, just as Xander was making his way back over to them. She nudged Riley in the ribs with her elbow to get his attention and pointed over to Graham, enjoying the joy on his face as he watched his boyfriend walk across the park.

"Hey you." Graham held his hand up to where Xander was standing, then used it to pull the other man into his lap. Arms now securely wrapped around the brunette's waist, Graham leaned his chin down on Xander's shoulder. The two just sat, holding one another, as the rest of the gang talked and got caught up on the changes in each other's lives.

Xander had let his attention wander, pulling open the little file in his brain where he kept up with the plans he had for his wedding that he'd yet to tell Willow about. He was mentally going through such images of him and Graham, alone and naked, exchanging vows at sunset on an empty beach, when Cordy's voice registered. She was talking about Angel. "Angel's here?"

"Yes. Well, not here, because of the sun and all, but he's in Sunnydale. He stayed back at the apartment with Giles." At this Cordy gave a slow, sad look toward Buffy from the corner of her eye. "And Dawn."

*Oh no. Angel's here. This can't be good. Has he told Cordelia? Or anyone? I have to talk to him before he meets Graham. God, why don't people tell me these things? How many times do you have to complain about not getting the memo's before they start giving them to you?*

Xander squirmed on Graham's lap, trying to get up. Graham, clueless to the things running through Xander's mind, decided a joke would be the best thing to break the tension he'd felt in his lover's body.

"Hey, none of that here in front of the friends."

"Graham, I'm not kidding. Let me up. I have to go."

Graham loosened his hold on Xander's waist enough for the brunette to stand. "Go where? You just got here, and you're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. Explain to Will for me, will ya?"

"No, I won't. I don't understand it myself."

"Look, I'm sorry. But I have to go. Now." Xander started off across the park, leaving Graham staring after him, hands fisted on his hips.

*****

"Angel, I really don't know when they will return. Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to sleep? Dawn and I could leave you in peace, and return with the others later."

"No, I'm not going to the park. I don't care what anyone says. I'll stay here with Angel, he knows I can keep quiet."

"Dawn, I really thought you had resolved these issues with Buffy. You agreed to come back, after all." Giles took his glasses and gave them a wipe with his handkerchief.

"I came back to support Xander and Graham. Because I love Xander, and want to make sure Graham makes him happy. I don't want to see Buffy, I really don't want to hear her name. What I want is to forget she exists." Dawn clenched her fists, barely restraining her rage. Even so, a tiny crack snaked across the window.

Angel was beside her in an instant, his hands covering hers. "Dawn, control yourself. Breathe. We knew your powers would be stronger here, on the Hellmouth. We covered this. Just breathe."

"So, moving in on the little sister now, huh?"

Three heads swung in the direction of the door where Xander was standing, staring at Angel. He didn't have long to stare before he had 115 pounds of screaming teenager attached to him.

"Xander!! I'm soooo happy to see you again, I've missed you sooo much."

Xander pried her off him, standing back and smiling down at her. "I'm happy you're here too Dawnie. And I have really missed you, but I really need to talk to Angel. Would you mind if Giles maybe took you over to show you the changes we've made at The Magic Box, and Angel and I will join you later?"

Dawn gave him a confused and hurt look . "Okay, I guess. If he doesn't mind."

"I would be more than proud to show off my store to my favorite niece."

Dawn giggled, sounding very much like the girl she'd been when she left Sunnydale three years ago. "Giles, I'm 17 now, almost 18. I'm a little too old to pretend that the watcher is my uncle."

"Oh. Very well, then. I trust we can at the very least be called good friends?"

"Yeah. We can be friends." She walked over to him, hugging him tightly. Linking her arm through his, she gave him a sunny smile. "So, you ready to show your good friend your new and improved store?"

Xander stood, staring at Angel again, as they left the house. When he was sure they were both gone, he walked over to the vampire. "How much have you said?"

"About what?"

"Please tell me you haven't told Cordelia, or anyone, about what happened. I don't want Graham to know, or at the very least, I think I should be the one to tell him."

"Xander, I promised you I wouldn't say anything to anyone, and I haven't. Nor would I do anything to jeopardize your relationship with Graham. If you decide to tell him, I'll be there with you to offer my support, or not, if you want. And if you decide you don't want to tell him, I'll keep it between us. Forever."

Xander, hands shaking, turned to sit on the couch. "I almost told him, ya know. I just couldn't find the right time. I mean, how do you tell the man you want to grow old with that you were almost in love with the walking dead? No offense."

"None taken. You were 'almost' in love with me? That's not how you phrased it at the time."

"Angel, I was 17. I didn't know what love was."

"And you think you do now?"

"I know I do." Xander looked Angel in the eyes, the smile letting the vampire know that he wasn't what the human was seeing.

"Then, why does he need to know?"

"Because I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. I have to be completely honest, or it's all a lie." Xander stood up from the couch, running his hands through his hair as he made his way back to the door.

"You're going to tell him now?"

"Yeah. I think I should get this over with. I should have told him 3 years ago, but I never thought it would get this serious." Xander opened the door, turning to look back at Angel one last time. "I'm really glad you could come, and thanks for bringing Dawn. It really means a lot to have you all here." Then he turned and walked out the door. Right into a stone faced Graham.

***************

"Graham! What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. You found out Angel was in town, and suddenly you had pressing business elsewhere. Now I find you two, alone, in Giles' apartment. Not looking good, Xan."

"Graham, baby, I swear to you, nothing is going on. I wouldn't do that."

"I know that, Xander, I'm not stupid. But, you have to admit, it isn't helping with the trust when I hear you've been keeping secrets."

Xander shut the door behind him and walked over to Graham, trying to buy time to gather his thoughts. "Graham, I meant to tell you. I wanted to tell you. But I didn't know how."

"I think 'Graham, I had sex with a corpse' would have covered it. All you had to do was be honest."

Xander sat on the bench to the side of the door, aware of Angel watching through the window. "It was never the time. At first I thought all this was just a fling to you. Then later I was so afraid of losing you, I told myself that nothing in my past mattered, so I just never brought it up. I promise you, I never meant to keep secrets from you. Well, I guess that's a lie, I did want to keep them secret, but I never wanted to hurt you. There's so much about me that could come back and bite us in the ass, I..." His voice trailed off as he gave in to the tears. "I didn't want to hurt you, and if you want to leave now, I'll completely understand."

Graham dropped to his knees beside Xander. Taking the brunette's chin in his hand, he lifted Xander's face until their eyes met. "Xander, I love you. Nothing in your past will ever change that, but you have got to be honest with me. If any of these things can come back to hurt us, then we have to strip them of that power. They can't come between us if we don't let them."

Xander gave a forced laugh. "Then I guess you should know about the evil slayer I had sex with. Oh, and there was this whole science teacher/praying mantis thing. And while I'm on a roll, why not the Incan mummy girl that killed to get me to love her. And there was the time..."

"I think I get the picture." Graham looked him over once more, then stood. "Want to go join our celebration? Willow went to a lot of work."

"Yeah, I guess. But first, are we okay? If you, maybe, don't want to do the whole wedding thing, I'll understand."

"Xander, we were never not okay. And I want to marry you more now than I did when I asked you."

*****

Dawn looked around The Magic Box, whistling in appreciation. "I really like what you've done here, Giles. I never knew the store was this big. Knocking down those walls was a brilliant move, it makes the store a lot brighter. And more cheerful, too."

"Yes, I thought so as well. Xander was a big help with the remodeling, as were Graham and Riley. I must confess, I could never figure out why Graham was helping. I mean, none of us even knew him very well." Giles didn't miss the clenching of Dawn's jaw as he mentioned Riley, but he chose to ignore it for now.

"What's in the back, through that door? It feels, I don't know, weird is all I can think of."

"That's where B.. your sister trains. I didn't know you could feel psychic emanations, Dawn. Your powers are growing at an alarming rate. Faster even than Willow's did."

"Yeah, well, according to this guy that I work with, it's because my powers are linked to me being the Key. I guess Willow's didn't grow this fast because she had to learn spells to focus it, whereas I can focus it with my thoughts. But I really don't want to get into a dissection of my powers."

"Very well, then. Might I ask how your schooling is going?"

"Only if you're asking because you want to know, and not because you're reporting it back to Buffy."

"If you do not wish for her to know what we've spoken of, then I won't tell her. But I do wish you could sit down together and talk about your problems."

Dawn laughed cruelly. "Our problems. That's a good one Giles. She let our mother die, I don't consider that a problem."

"Dawn, you know as well as I that your mother died of a brain aneurysm. There was nothing Buffy could do to stop that."

"No, there wasn't. But if she'd been there, instead of glued to Riley, then she could have gotten Mom the help she needed before it was too late."

"Dawn..."

"Giles, I really don't want to talk about this. Please just let it go." As Dawn spoke her voice rose and the floor began to buckle, rattling the shelves. A small fertility sculpture fell to the floor, shattering. Dawn just stood there, fighting for control. Unable to find it, she ran out of the store, yelling back over her shoulder. "I'm sorry Giles, I need to be alone right now."

Once Dawn was gone, the shaking stopped, the floor smoothing out as it had been before. Giles sighed sadly, then walked around the room, straightening the shelves and cleaning up the broken statue.

Dawn ran. She ran so far and so fast that she lost track of her direction. It wasn't until she stopped to gain her breath, that she saw she was standing outside the cemetery. Stealing looks over both shoulders, she made her way through the familiar gates. Weaving in and out between the graves as if it were just yesterday when she'd last visited, instead of three years ago.

Finally she stopped. Taking a deep breath, she collapsed to her knees before her mother's grave. Only then did she let the tears flow. It seemed like hours that she sat there, crying, pouring out all the emotions she'd kept bottled inside. "Why can't I see you? Why can I see so much, but not you?"

"Because you're not meant too."

Dawn turned, her face already screwed into an expression of mixed pain and anger. "Go away. I don't want to see you. I don't want to know you."

Buffy looked at her sister, meeting her eyes. The tears there showed the weight of loneliness and desperation she'd lived with for the past three years. "Dawn, I'm sorry. I know you hate me, and I wouldn't have come here if I knew you were here. But since we're both here, can't we talk? I really want to work this out. I've missed you, I love you."

"Is something wrong with your ears? I said go away. I have nothing to say to you, beyond the fact that I never want to see you again."

"Okay. I can accept that. But I do love you, and I hope someday you can bring yourself to forgive me. I really want my little sister back."

"GO AWAY!!!!!" Dawn screamed, coming to her feet, hair dancing about her head in a sudden wind that sprang up from nowhere. Buffy whirled around, watching as tombstones split, the sky darkened, and a few of the smaller trees fell over.

"Dawn! This isn't the way to handle things. You have to control yourself or you're going to hurt people." Buffy tried to go to Dawn, to reach out to her. But before she could reach her, vines descended from overhanging trees, barring the way.

"Oh, I think I have everything under control Buffy. I have, on occasion, broken a window or two when I lost my temper. I've even caused minor earthquakes by not shielding properly. But I have enough control to get you the hell away from me." Dawn's voice rose as she spoke. And with it rose a wind, pushing Buffy back, away from Dawn. As soon as Buffy passed through the gates, they closed, the chain winding itself around the bars and locking. The wind died, uprooted trees righted themselves, the vines ascending back to their proper place. "I'll leave the clouds for now, Spike."

"Ta, niblet." Spike stepped from behind a tree, lighting up a cigarette. "Nice show ya put on there."

"Thanks, I've been practicing. So, how've you been Spike? I hear you have a soul now. Congratulations, if you want them."

"Yeah, stupid git of a demon. Stuck a soul in me, now I'm no good for anything but helping the round table lot."

Dawn smiled sadly, running her hand along the top of her mom's tombstone one last time. "You have so much more to offer the world than that Spike. You'll just never find it in Sunnydale. I'll see you later." She turned to walk away, determined to find Xander again. Before passing out of sight, she stopped and spoke to Spike over her shoulder. "You might want to get inside, I can't keep the clouds there forever."

"Could if ya wanted I'd wager." Spike whispered as he watched her leave, the pride he felt in her evident in his voice.

*****

Night was falling by the time Dawn met up with the rest of the group, Buffy and Riley having left earlier to get ready for patrol. Willow bounced up and down before nearly choking Dawn in a bear hug. "Willow, air. I need to breathe."

"Oh yeah, sorry. How have you been, I've missed you."

"I've been good, thanks. How bout you?" Dawn continued the catching up phase of the talk as she ignored the daggers Xander was shooting at her from his eyes.

"I'm doing great. Had the happy's all week, planning Xander and Graham's big day. Are you guys staying for it?"

"You'd have to ask Angel, but I hope so. I really can't wait to see Xander in a long white gown." Dawn smiled back at Xander, ducking the smack aimed at the back of her head. Then they had to wait for Cordelia and Graham to stop laughing long enough to catch up with them.

"I am not wearing a dress. Jeez, Willow, did you have to tell everyone that?"

"Hey! I didn't say anything. I haven't spoken to Dawn in weeks. The only one I told was Cord...oh." Willow looked back at Cordelia, who was trying to hide her smile behind her hand. When that didn't work, she ducked behind Graham to avoid Xander.

Graham smiled up at his boyfriend, willing to face his wrath. "Look at it this way, white has always been your color." Then he and Cordelia huddled together, nearly falling over in laughter.

Xander let out an exasperated sigh, turning away from all his laughing friends, and started walking down the sidewalk toward home. "Fine, laugh it up. Get it all out of you system. But remember, the Xanman invented revenge. Oh yes, this revenge will be so sweet."

The laughing crowd caught up with Xander, Graham putting his arm around his shoulder, pulling the brunette closer. "Aww come on, Baby. We're just having fun."

"Yeah, at my expense." Xander acted hurt, pouting.

Graham immediately felt bad, turning them so that they faced each other. "Xander, I'd never laugh at you. Well, not the way you mean anyway. Come on, Baby. Forgive me?"

Xander looked into Graham's eyes, trying to keep the pout going. But he couldn't stop the laughter from bubbling out. "You are way too easy, my love." Then whistling, Xander turned and walked over to the women. "Shall we go, ladies?"

Cordelia walked behind Xander, Willow, and Dawn. She hung back long enough to make sure Graham was coming, before speaking. "So, when's the big day? Willow said it was this week, but she didn't say which day."

Graham answered, knowing that Xander would keep up the pretense of being mad at him for another few hours. "It's in a week."

"A week? I'm sure we can talk Angel into hanging around that long. And if not, we could always tie him up and put him in the basement of the mansion."

Xander smiled at Cordelia's words, then frowned. "Speaking of hanging around, who's the guy you were with?"

"Groo?"

"Yeah, Groo. And what kind of name is that anyway?"

"What kind of name is Xander? Shut up Graham." Cordelia cut off Graham's comment, smiling to show that they were just joking. "Groo is my boyfriend. His name is actually The Groosalug, but after tripping over that mouthful a few times, we shortened it. And I'll tell you the rest of that story only if you tell me how you two got together, and I don't mean the whole thing that happened at Giles’, I mean when you really got together."

Xander looked over at Graham, smiling. "Well, that depends on which story you heard about Giles' apartment." Then overcome with shyness, he moved to his boyfriends side, linking their fingers together, and refused to say anymore.

"I think what she's asking, Xander, is when we first met. Not when we first..." Looking at Dawn and Willow's eager faces, Graham stopped, joining Xander in his blush.

Xander recovered first, looking up at Cordelia. "It was when I went with Buffy to find Riley down in the Initiative. After we all met Adam, and he kicked our ass, Graham came in with some of the other soldiers. I don't know about him, but just seeing him there in that uniform.... it was lust at first sight."

Cordelia smiled. "That's sweet, I think." Then winking at Xander, she nudged his shoulder. "Did he keep the uniform?"

"Oh, yeah." Xander breathed finally, then laughed with the girls while Graham blushed some more. "But that was just the first sight. We met up a few times, tried the whole dating thing. But it didn't work out, every time we had a date, some evil would rise up or 'friends' would decide it was time for some Bronze time." Xander said this while looking pointedly at Willow, who had the good grace to look guilty.

Graham recovered enough to bring Xander's hand up to place a kiss on it. "That's when I kidnapped him. I took him just outside of town to this empty field. I'd gone out beforehand and put out stuff for a picnic, and then I went to pick him up. He didn't want to go, at first, he said something about needing his sleep. But I wouldn't take no for an answer. I dragged him out there, we had a great time, and while we were there he kissed me."

"Excuse me, I believe it was you who kissed me."

"Doesn't matter. It got us started." Graham couldn't tear his eyes away from Xander's face. He kept tracing the lines of his nose, around his mouth, down along his jaw, and then back up into his eyes. "Xander, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I don't know Graham, how do you get penguins to wear rubber pants." The words were out of Xander's mouth before he even realized he'd spoken. Face flushed, Xander slid behind Graham, trying to hide. It didn't help when all the other's started laughing, Dawn asking why he still watched cartoons.

"I had stopped watching them completely.... I saw that thing with the eyes Will... I really had, until I woke up early one Saturday morning to find a certain someone watching Alvin and the Chipmunks."

"OOOO I love Alvin, but Theodore is my favorite." Dawn hopped over to Graham, linking arms with him. "So, what other ones do you watch?"

"Whatever Xander wants too, but mostly I just watch him."

Cordelia nearly puddled on the spot. "Aww, that is just too cute. You guys are so sweet together. Xander, I never thought I wouldn't regret that we didn't work out. But now I'm glad we broke up. You two are clearly meant to be together." Xander was behind Graham, his face read with embarrassment.

Is there anyone in Sunnydale you didn't date?" Graham turned toward Xander, smiling. Then he laughed at the serious expression on his lover's face.

"Um, Riley, maybe?"

"Let's hope not." Graham turned, giving Willow a questioning look. She started backing away, shaking her head furiously.

"Oh no, gay here. Remember?"

"Okay, nice to know. But that's not what I was going to ask." Graham smiled at her, enjoying her discomfort. "I was going to ask if you three could get home okay by yourselves. I have something I want to show Xander before we head home."

"Sure, we can do that. I can protect us until we get home."

Xander's head popped up. "Um, Will. You'll be careful?"

Graham took Xander's hand, pulling him back the way they came. "Come on, Xander, Willow's a big girl. She can take care of herself, and the others."

"So, Graham my love, where are we going?"

"You'll see, I just need to pick some stuff up at the store. Then we'll be ready." Graham grinned back at Xander, his grin spreading into a loving smile at the confusion evident on his lover's face.

***************

Xander sat in the car, where Graham had left him, hands bound behind his back, blindfolded, waiting. Not patiently. He'd never been a patient person and surprises never turned out very well in Sunnydale. He was extremely uncomfortable. He didn't like the dark, he never had but he wanted to make Graham happy and if this is what it took, this is what he could do.

He kept telling himself that, over and over. He could do this. For Graham he'd do anything. *What's taking so long? He should be back by now.*

Xander jerked his head around, listening really hard to find the source of the whispered voice. When he heard it again, he ducked down in the seat, getting as low as he could so no one could see him inside the car.

"Graham?" Xander's words started out in a whispered, shaking cry, but grew in volume as they continued, terror in every sound. "Graham!? Graham, where are you? I can't see you." When he got no reply, he cowered on the floor of the car, screaming Graham's name over and over again.

Graham came out of the store, whistling happily. He had some great plans for tonight. He wanted to take Xander back out to that field where they'd had their first real, complete date. The place where they'd shared their first kiss, the first time he'd made love to Xander.

As he grew closer to their car, he heard the faint screams. Dropping the bag to the ground, he ran the rest of the way. He could see Xander curled up in the corner of the car, as far down in the floorboard as he could get. His hands shook as he went to open the door. "Xander, baby? What's wrong? What happened? Did something come after you?"

"Graham? Is that you?" Xander lifted his head, blindly searching for Graham.

"Yeah, Baby, it's me." Graham pulled Xander up onto the seat next to him. He removed the blindfold, seeing Xander's eyes red and swollen with tears. "What happened?" He removed the twine from the brunette's hands and looked him over from top to bottom, looking for injuries, or any clues to what could have reduced his lover to this state.

"He was here. I heard him. It was so dark, he always comes when it's dark. He waits till I'm alone, and he comes. Why was he here, Graham? He's not supposed to be here anymore." Xander couldn't look Graham in the eyes. He buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck, taking comfort in his scent.

"Who was here, Xander? What did he do?"

Xander pulled back, pressing away from Graham. "I--I don't kn--know."

"Xander?"

"I don't know, Graham. IdontknowIdontknowIdontknow." Xander was screaming again, shaking his head back and forth, and pressing his hands to his head.

Graham moved over to Xander, taking him in his arms. "Shh, it's okay. You're safe now. I won't let anyone hurt you." Not knowing what to do, Graham just concentrated on calming him down. Once Xander was quiet, he buckled them both in and started the car. "Come on, let's go see Willow." He waited for Xander's agreement, receiving only a hesitant nod, before shifting into gear and backing the car out of the parking lot.

*****

"Willow!!!" Graham hammered on the door and yelled for the witch. "Willow, open up."

Willow ran for the front door, tying a robe around her. She pulled the door opened and gasped, her eyes flying open wider. "Graham, what happened? What's wrong with Xander?" But Graham only stood silently, holding his trembling lover tightly.

Xander was leaning into Graham, crying hysterically. He couldn't lift his head to look at Willow, but he found his voice. "You know. You've always known."

Willow gasped again. "You remember." She moved to take Xander in her arms, only to draw back when he hid himself behind Graham.

"Why didn't you tell me? How could you lie to me all these years?" Xander looked at her over Graham's shoulder, hurt, anger, and accusation in his eyes. "I had a right to know."

Willow turned, walking back into the living room, using the time to gather her thoughts. "I never told you because I thought maybe you needed to forget. That it was your way of dealing with it....and because I was a coward. I'm ashamed of it now, but I wanted to forget too. I couldn't handle seeing you in such pain."

Xander walked toward the sofa, pressed against Graham for support. He tried to speak, but he couldn't find the words.

Willow saw him, really saw him for the first time in a long time. She'd been too afraid to look so closely at him for years, afraid of what she'd see. Now what she did see tore her heart into pieces. "I'm so sorry, Xander. I'm sorry I couldn't make him stop. That I couldn't save you. But I was so scared. I mean, I was only a kid, what could I do? What you went through, no one should ever have to face. And it's my fault."

"Willow, no. It's not your fault. I didn't mean to blame you. But you should have told me. I had a right to know." His voiced dropped, the last words barely a whisper.

"I know, and I can't ever make it up to you. I know that too. Can you forgive me?"

Xander rose from the couch, turning away from Willow's outstretched arms. "I don't know. I don't know anything right now. Except that...I love you, and nothing changes that. But...I...I just need time. Can we go home Graham?"

"Sure. We can do anything you want, Baby." Graham stood and crossed over to Xander, taking him in his arms. He turned his head back to give Willow a look. "Just...just give it a couple days. Okay?"

Willow watched the two men leave. When they were gone, she dropped to the couch, dissolving into tears. She was still there, her eyes finally dry but red, staring off into space, when Buffy and Riley returned from patrol.

"Willow? What's wrong?" Buffy rushed to her side, sitting beside her. She looked up to Riley, silently telling him that they needed a few minutes alone. He cast a last sympathetic look at Willow before heading upstairs.

"Willow?"

"He remembers." Willow's voice was toneless, flat. She'd cried out all her emotions, leaving her feeling empty.

"What? Willow, who remembers? What do you mean?"

"Xander. He remembers, everything."

"Oh God, poor Xan. Willow, are you sure?"

"He was here. Gods, Buffy, he was so scared." Her guilt and shame were returning to her, bringing pain, but she still felt so empty. "He looked at me, and all I could see was pain and fear. All his joy, all his happiness, was gone."

"Willow, he'll be fine. He's older now. And he's not alone, he has Graham. He has us. We won't let this destroy him. You just wait, before you know it, we'll be groaning at his bad jokes and tickling him to tears, just to get him to stop."

"I hope you're right. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's been my best friend for forever, longer than I can even remember. He's my brother, my little baby brother. And I let this happen to him." The tears came again, rolling down her face.

Buffy held her tighter. "Everything will be fine, Will. I promise. Come on, let's get some sleep. Everything will look better in the morning."

*****

Graham half led, half carried Xander to the bed. The brunette hadn't stopped shaking since he'd found him in the car. "Here, Baby, climb in. I'll get you some chocolate milk, k?" Graham moved toward the door, hurrying so he could get back. Before he'd made it out of the bedroom, Xander's voice stopped him. He sounded so small and helpless.

"Don't leave me. I can't be alone."

Rushing back to Xander's side, Graham held him close, murmuring soothing words. "Shhh, it's okay. I won't go anywhere. I'll never leave you. I love you." He paused watching his love carefully. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Xander buried his face in Graham's chest. He didn't know if he could talk about it, but knew that he needed to share this with Graham. His voice barely above a whisper, he told Graham the things his father had done to him.

"It started when I was eleven. It was the middle of the night. Mom had to work the night shift, so it was just us at home. It all started out fine, normal. We had dinner before Mom left for work, she used to cook then, and we even played some card games. Quick ones that we could finish before her shift. After she was gone, he started drinking. He was always drinking. He came to my room after I went to sleep, and started saying mean things, horrible things. He said since my bitch of a mother had gone to work, he'd have to settle for her bastard of a son. He climbed into my bed and he...he...he started touching me." Xander's voice cracked, and he turned his face away from Graham's body, into the mattress. He didn't want Graham to hear the sobs that burst from him.

Graham's own silent tears spilled over onto his pillow. He cried for his love, for the child he'd been, and he cried because he hadn't been the one to crush the bastard’s skull. "It's okay, you don't have to continue if you don't want too." *Please, whatever Gods there are, tell me this man is burning in hell.*

"Will you still love me? If I'm too dirty?" Xander brought his face up, but still couldn't meet Graham's eyes. Shame, guilt, pain, all these and more were plainly evident on his face.

"Of course I will. Nothing will ever make me not love you. Xan, you didn't do anything wrong, you’re not dirty. It was him, he's the one that did this."

"But, I'm not...."

"Do not finish that sentence. You are the most beautiful person I know. You have a heart that's big enough for the entire world. You make me see light in the future, away from this dark, evil place. You did nothing wrong."

"I wish I could believe you."

"You will, when you're ready. And until you are, I'll be here to remind you." Graham pulled Xander’s face up, catching his eyes. He leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. Then he pulled him tighter against him, quietly humming old lullabies to soothe him to sleep.

"Graham?"

"Yeah, Baby?"

"Don't let go."

"Never." And he held him, rocking him slightly, still humming to him, until they both drifted off to sleep.

*****

A few hours later, Graham awoke. Easing himself out from under Xander's body, he left the room. He stopped to make sure the door was open enough to let some light in, aware of Xander's new fear of being trapped in the dark. Entering the kitchen, he flipped the switch on the coffee pot and took a yogurt cup from the fridge. Then he sat, waiting for all he'd learned in the last day or so to sink in.

*How do I help him with this? I can't imagine what he's going through. God, I want to find Willow, make her bring that bastard back to life the way she did with Buffy, then wrap my hands around his throat and watch the life bleed out of him.*

Wiping the tears away from his eyes, Graham stood, stepping over to pour himself a cup of coffee. Then set it on the table beside the still untouched yogurt. Once again he sat, chin cupped in his hands, and stared off into space. He wanted to come up with ways to help Xander, maybe get him to agree to counseling. But he couldn't think past the flashing sign in his head that read 'Xander's hurt'.

The more he sat, even with his mind blank and empty, the more rage built up inside him. His body making a decision for him, he stood, silently making his way back into the bedroom. He dressed, quietly so as not to wake his sleeping lover, grabbed his keys and wallet, and left the room. Before leaving the apartment, he wrote out a quick note letting Xander know he'd be back soon, but hoped to be back before he woke.

Still not really thinking clearly at all, Graham's internal auto-pilot steered the car around curves, passing a few other drivers that were making an early start on the day. He didn't really know where he was going until the car stopped. He looked up, surprised to find himself outside Xander's mother's house. He'd only met her once, long enough for her to slur out her disapproval of his and Xander's relationship. After that, he'd taken Xander home and held him as he told the brunette that it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but them and their love.

He climbed from the car, not sure why he was here. Still, he made his way up the steps, onto the porch, and knocked on the door. When he saw her face as she opened the door, it all came into focus. He put an arm out, slamming the door open all the way as she tried to shut it in his face. Her blank stare made him mad. Her open disregard for her son’s life, his general well-being, had always left him confused. He just couldn't imagine any mother caring as little about their child as this woman.

"Did you know?" His voice dripped venom, his temper held in check by sheer force of will.

"Did I know what? Look, I don't have time for this. I have a life, a job I need to get ready for."

"You have a son, in pain. Pain that your husband caused, and I want to know if you knew what was happening."

"I don't know what you're talking about. If he's in pain, it's something he's been doing with you. Living up there in that fancy apartment, probably the sin eating at him." She turned, leaving the door standing open, not caring if he followed.

He went in after her, reaching out to grab her arm. When he touched her, his anger grew. He spun her around, pushing her up against the wall. Leaning down, his face barely inches from hers, he met her eyes as his hands clenched on her arms. He let all his rage, his contempt for her, leak into his eyes. "Your son is hurt, he's in a great deal of pain at the moment, and while the fact that you couldn't care less is no surprise, it does tell me one thing. If Xander ever does have to pay for any sins he may or may not have committed, he won't lack for company. Your husband tortured him, beat him, molested him, and damn near killed him. And I think you knew it."

"Get your hands off me. I'll press charges, do you hear me?"

"I hear you fine, and believe me, I can't wait to leave here and scald the vileness of you off of my skin. But first, you're going to listen to me. I love your son, and right now, the fact that your death would, for some reason, cause him even more pain, is the only reason you're still alive. Right now all I have to go on is what I believe, but if I ever find out that you really knew what was happening and never said anything, I'll be back, I'll kill you, and damn the consequences." With that, he pushed away from her, ignoring her shout of pain as he pushed her away a little too roughly, and left, slamming the door hard enough to crack the glass.

Climbing back into his car, Graham gripped the steering wheel with white knuckled hands. He had to get his temper under control or he'd wind up wrapping the car around a tree. Then he wouldn't be there for Xander, and that couldn't happen. Thinking of Xander, alone at home, helped to calm him down enough for the red film over his eyes to lift. With a somewhat clearer head, he pulled the car out onto the street, more than ready to be back at home with Xander wrapped up in his arms.

Unlocking the door to the apartment, he pushed it open, and immediately felt something wrong. He didn't know what it was, just that it wasn't as it should be. It wasn't until he was standing in the middle of the living room that it hit him. He'd forgotten to leave a light on. The entire apartment was completely dark. Running to the bedroom, he prayed Xander hadn't woken up while he was out. He slowed long enough to turn on the light in the hall, not wanting the bedroom light to disturb Xander if he were still asleep.

Letting out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding, he silently thanked whatever beings were watching over Xander. The brunette was still asleep, although not peacefully. Graham made his way over to the younger man's side, removing the clothes he'd left on him earlier when they'd gone to bed, then removing his own before climbing in and pulling Xander to him. In a matter of minutes, he was asleep, cradling his quieting lover to him.

When he awoke again, he was alone in the bed, bright sunlight flooding the bedroom. He looked around the room, but could see no sign of Xander. Standing, he pulled on the clothes he'd left by the bed earlier and went out in search of his boyfriend.

He found him at the kitchen table, stacks of old books surrounding him. Xander looked up, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Hey sleepyhead. Found your note. Where'd you go?"

"Oh, nowhere. Just went out for a run, get rid of some excess energy." He felt guilty for the lie, the first he'd ever told to Xander. But it was necessary. Xander couldn't ever know that he'd been to see his mother. Leaning over he placed a kiss on the top of the brunette's head before squatting down and wrapping his arms around his waist. "What are you looking at?"

"Um, just some stuff I want to go over with Willow."

"About the wedding? That's a lot of books for two people to stand up and say how much they love each other."

"No, it isn't about the wedding. That's all planned, didn't you read the 16 page memo Willow left us?" Xander wouldn't meet his eyes. He kept rummaging through papers, leafing randomly through a few of the books.

"No, I thought it was another update on the different kinds of demons that are drawn to the Hellmouth. Xander look at me." Graham took Xander's chin in his hand, turning his head to catch his eyes. "What is this?" His tone nervous, Graham wasn't entirely sure he wanted the answer, but he had to know.

"Um, I had an idea. I don't want to remember. I found a lot of different spells to make you forget stuff. Willow agreed to look it over and make sure it was safe, then we'll go see Giles about it." Looking away from Graham, Xander started sorting the books into three different stacks on the table, as much to have something to do with his hands as anything else. He couldn't bear the hurt he'd glimpsed in Graham's eyes.

"Why didn't you say something? Why couldn't you talk to me?"

"Cause I couldn't....I didn't....I wanted you to remember me the way I was. I didn't want you to know those things about me. I wanted you to love me." The tears fell over Xander's cheeks as he hung his head, unable to look Graham in the face.

"Baby, remember what I told you? This was not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of. And as for me loving you, well, that's just a fact of life. I'll love you for the next hundred lifetimes." Graham forced Xander to look at him, feeling a twinge in his heart every time another tear traced a path down his face. Leaning forward, he placed his lips on Xander's, licking his tongue around the corners, pulling back before he lost control. "Feel that? That's me, wanting you. That's me, needing you. I couldn't live my life without you in it."

"And I'd die without you." Xander's voice cracked, the words barely a whisper.

"You don't need to do this Xander. Messing with spells is dangerous. We can handle this, together. We can start new memories."

"I don't think I have the strength in me to deal with it."

Graham moved his legs out from under him, sitting fully on the floor, then reached up and pulled Xander down to sit with him. "What are you talking about? You've already done the hard part." He stopped, stroking Xander's hair. Then continued when the brunette turned wide, curious eyes on him. "You talked about it. That's one of the hardest parts of any kind of abuse. Now, you learn how to keep going. And I'm here all the way for you. I told you, I love you. You're stuck with me."

"Graham, I love you. I do. But I just don't think I can talk to you about this. I know you don't want to hear it, but it makes me feel dirty, and bad. And I don't...I can't talk to you about it."

Graham tried to keep the hurt out of his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to be with Xander, to make it all go away, but knew he wasn't the one that could do that. "Okay. Just promise me you won't do any of those spells. If something happened..."

"I promise. No spells. I mean, I forgot it once without magic, right? I can do it again." Xander stood, walking back over to the table to gather up the books. "I'll just take these back to Willow. I'll be back in a little while."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, no, that's okay. You should go do your gym thing with Riley. I'll be okay." Xander left the apartment, leaving a confused Graham still sitting on the kitchen floor. As he walked out of the building into the sunshine, he slipped on his shades, and made his way to Willow's. He never once doubted his decision to forget. But he'd promised Graham that there would be no spells. He'd just have to do it the old fashioned way.

***************

After dropping the books off with Willow, Xander left. He didn't want to talk, knowing that Willow still felt guilty and not knowing how to help her when he didn't even know how to help himself. He wandered over to the park, looking around the picnic area, and remembered how happy they were that day. He sat down next to the tree they'd leaned against that day, Graham holding him tightly against his chest.

*If only it could be that way everyday.* Xander wished it could. That he could just forget all the things he'd remembered, that he'd never remembered them in the first place. But he couldn't. It was all he could do to keep them from overloading his thoughts every minute of the day.

Standing again, he brushed the dirt from his pants and walked out of the park. As he passed the cemetery, he stopped. *Maybe there is someone I can talk too. She always helped before.* He walked through the gates, blindly making his way over to the grave. He hadn't been there in a long time. Once, he'd gone every day, and knew he could now find his way to it without fail.

Reaching the grave marker, he dropped down before it, tracing his fingers over the name of the one woman that treated him like a son should be treated. "Hey Joyce. I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry I haven't been to visit. But my life is so screwed up right now. I don't know what I'm doing, or even who I am anymore."

He stopped, looking around, sure he'd heard a noise. But when he saw nothing he passed it off as his imagination. "Some stuff happened, it was a long time ago, but I didn't remember any of it. Until yesterday. Joyce, I wish you were here, I need one of those cups of hot chocolate and you there, so I can just talk while you listen. I didn't even realize how much I missed that until today. You were always more of a mother to me than my mom." He stopped again, wiping at the tears on his face.

"This is stupid. You're not here, you can't hear me. No one can." He stood up, fast, and took off. He half ran, half stumbled out of the cemetery, not even realizing where he was going. When he stopped to catch his breath, he saw he'd made it to the docks. He was certain he didn't want to be there, especially since it wasn't long until sundown. So he backtracked, making his way home.

Digging his keys out of his pocket, he was about to unlock the door when he realized it wasn't shut properly. He chuckled, remembering all the times he'd told Graham about the door not catching. He entered the apartment, and heard the noise from the kitchen.

"Graham? Are you cooking? Ya know, we got all those letters from the neighbors last time."

Walking around the corner leading into the kitchen, Xander jumped, startled, as a blonde head poked out of the door. "Nope, just me, mate. But you can pretend if ya want."

"Spike? What the hell are you doing here? How did you even get in? You know what? Nevermind, I don't want to know. Just leave. Please?"

"Please? When have you ever had manners?"

"Spike, I'm really not up to this now. I just want to take a hot bath and go to bed. Preferably with Graham, but he's not here right now. So, if you don't mind..." Xander's voice trailed off as he pointed to the door.

"Now, that's no way to treat the person that just made you extra chocolaty hot chocolate." Spike held up a large, steaming coffee mug, filled with cocoa and marshmallows.

"Why are you making me hot chocolate?" But, wary or not, Xander reached up to take the cup from the vampire. Sniffing it, he figured Spike wouldn't poison him in a way that Buffy could trace back to him.

"I was in me crypt when you were talkin to the lady. Heard what you said. Thought maybe you could use an ear." Spike's voice was low, mumbling, as he said these words. "I know I'm not Joyce, but...I figured you could use someone to talk to that won't be all mushy and wanting to make it better all the time."

"Spike, I'm really not feeling up to playing one of your games. I...."

"It's not a game, Xander. If you don't wanna talk, just say so. But I got the impression that you needed someone, and that you couldn't talk to your man." Spike stopped, looking Xander in the eye. "You can talk to me, I won't say a word, just sit here and listen. And I'll be gone when Graham gets here. I promise."

"Fine Spike, just...can we go in the living room? I don't really feel safe around you and knives." Xander smiled to soften the words and, taking his mug of cocoa, moved into the living room area.

They sat, Xander curled on the sofa and Spike perched on the chair opposite, and Xander talked. He told Spike everything he could remember, from the first time his father touched him all the way up to the last time, when Buffy and Willow had come in and found his father beating him. The talking helped, a lot more than he thought it would. But now he felt even more ashamed. He'd just told Spike more than he could share with Graham. How could he? How could he tell these things to a demon he hated, when he couldn't even tell the man he loved?

He waited until Spike had gone back into the kitchen, refilling his mug again. Then he stood, folding the soft blanket he'd covered his legs with, and laid it back on the end of the sofa. "Spike...." He'd been about to suggest the vampire leave, but he looked up, seeing no blame, no laughter in his eyes. "thanks for um..listening, and everything. It did help, a lot. But, um...Graham's gonna be home soon, and..."

"Right. I'll just be going then. And Xander? You're welcome." With a last sad smile, Spike left.

Xander sat back on the couch, dropping his head in his hands. He was still sitting there when Graham came in.

"Hey, Baby. You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a headache." Xander smiled up at Graham, the reached up and grabbed his hand, pulling him down onto the sofa.

Graham laughed, cuddling up with his boyfriend. "So, you really are feeling better, huh?"

"Yeah, I've been doing some thinking, and I made a decision, too."

"Really? What's that?"

"I don't want to forget it. I want to get past it, but I don't want to forget it. I want to help other people like me."

"We can do that. What were you thinking?" Graham tucked Xander's head under his chin, gently rubbing his hands along the brunette's side.

"I was thinking of looking for someplace, maybe the college or high school, and spending some time with some of the kids. You know, the ones that are going through some of the same stuff."

"That'd be great. In fact, I may know the perfect place. A friend of mine from school has a half way house set up for runaway kids. I can call him, get you set up for some meetings they have with the kids." Graham uncurled his legs, reaching for the phone. Xander had other ideas.

"Where you going?"

"To call Charles, about the half way house." Graham gave Xander a half confused, half amused look.

"Tomorrow, m'comfy now." And Xander reached out, pulling Graham back down to snuggle on the couch.

*****

*Three Days Later*

"Lord of Shadows, hold me tight. Wrap me in darkness, safe from night." Willow whispered the spell quickly, rushing through the darkened park. She'd just finished the final details of the pre-wedding party and wanted to run them by Xander and Graham before calling around to place orders.

Hearing a strange noise off to the side of the path, she stopped, her hand glowing as she held it up to ward off attack. When no attack came, she inched closer to the bushes, knowing even as she did that she should run back and get Buffy. But something about the noise was familiar. Pushing her way through the brush, Willow stopped again, smiling.

Graham sat next to the pond, skipping stones across the surface. He looked so lost, like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders and it had gotten a little heavier.

"Graham?" Willow sat down next to him, rubbing a hand across his shoulders.

"Hey Will. What are you doing out here?" He looked over at her, smiling a little, but not able to mask the fact that it was forced.

"I was on my way to your apartment, actually. I have some stuff to go over with you guys about the party. But that can wait." Willow sat back, resting her weight on her hands. "What's got you out here, when you have a fiancé at home, waiting for you?"

"He's not at home. He's helping Giles with some inventory stuff at the shop, and I got tired of sitting at home thinking."

"So you're in the park thinking?"

"No. Well, yeah, I guess I am. It's just hard. He won't talk to me, and I try not to push, but...I love him so much. And it kills me to see him hurting like this."

"I know, believe me, I know. But Xander's always been the type to hold it in, he wouldn't want anyone feeling pity for him."

Graham looked over at her, startled. "I don't pity him. I admire him. After everything he's been through, he still has love and hope. Not everyone would have that."

"I agree. So, why are you here, brooding, instead of over there with him?"

"I don't know. I just had some thinking to do."

Willow stood, brushing the grass from her skirt, and held a hand down to him. "Come with me, I wanna show you something."

Graham took her hand, standing, and allowed her to pull him out of the park. "Willow, where are we going?"

"You'll see, just wait."

Graham followed along behind her, laughing softly as she hummed and bounced her way down the street. It wasn't long before they were standing outside the Magic Box.

"Look in there, Graham. Tell me what you see."

Graham looked in the window and saw Giles, book in hand, walking back and forth across the store. But over to the side, he saw Xander, sitting at the table, staring off into space. "They're doing inventory, nothing new here Willow."

"You're not looking close enough. Look at Xander, what is he doing?"

"He's sitting there, pretending to do inventory." Graham laughed. "Again nothing new, Xander always pretends to do inventory."

Willow turned Graham, looking into his face. "No, Graham. He's sitting there, staring off into space, wishing he could be with you."

Getting no response from Graham, Willow sighed dramatically. "Fine, I'll do it." Then she moved over to the door, opening it a crack, and whistled softly to get Xander's attention. When Xander looked over at her, she waved her hand, motioning for him to come to her.

Xander looked around, checking to see if Giles was looking, then wandered over to the door. "What is it Willow, we're kinda busy here."

"Yeah, real busy." Willow rolled her eyes at him. "Come out here, someone's waiting for you."

Xander walked out the door, closing it quietly behind him. He turned and saw Graham standing there. "Graham, what are you doing here?"

"I have no clue. Willow dragged me over here."

"Yeah, I interrupted a fascinating brood session. You two need to be alone, together. Consider me your good fairy, cause this is the only time I'll ever volunteer to help Giles with inventory. Now go away, talk, do whatever it is you do together. But don't come back around until you stop brooding."

*****

The two lovers walked down the street, side by side. Xander reached out for Graham's hand a couple of times, only to draw back before touching. They were both nervous, almost as if they were just starting out together, and weren't sure of each other yet.

Graham watched Xander out of the corner of his eye. He saw each time the brunette reached for him, and was hurt each time he stopped short. "So...you okay? Do you want to sit?"

"No, I'm fine. How bout you? Are you tired?"

"No. Look, Xander, this is stupid...." Graham started out, trying to break some of the tension that had grown between them.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I don't mean to make it so hard.."

"No, Xan, it's not you. Well, not just you. It's us, we're both making it hard." Graham reached out, cupping Xander's cheek in his hand. Leaning forward to press their foreheads together, he placed a light kiss on the other man's nose. "I love you so much. It's killing me to see you hurt."

"Do you? Still love me, I mean?" Xander sniffed, trying to suppress the tears that wanted to come out. He pulled back, turning away from Graham.

"Of course I do. Xan, where is this coming from?" Graham stepped up behind the brunette, reaching out to take him into his arms, but Xander was already moving away.

"I heard you last night. In the bathroom. How can you say you love me, but you won't touch me?"

"Baby, I touch you all the time. I'd like to touch you now, and hold you, if you'd just stand still for half a second."

"Yes, you hold me. When I ask you too. But you don't kiss me, you don't wrap me up in your arms and just hold me until I don't care that I can't breathe. We never make love anymore." Xander ended by turning to face Graham again, tears freely streaming down his face.

"I didn't think you were ready. After everything you've gone through, and remembering it all, I didn't think you'd want to be touched."

"You didn't ask. Hell, you shouldn't have to ask." Xander turned away again, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Xander, tell me what to do. How can I make you see how much I love you?"

"Why don't you know? You used to know. Without asking, without thinking, you used to know everything."

"Newsflash Xander, I'm not perfect. I'm human, just like you. I don't know everything. Sometimes I don't think I know anything." Graham turned, walking back down the street.

Xander rushed to him. Wrapping his arms around him from behind. "I'm sorry. Please don't leave me."

Graham pulled Xander's arms away from him, turning to face him again. "Xander, I'm not going to leave you. Look at me." He used his finger to lift Xander's face, staring into his eyes. "I. Love. You. Nothing will change that. And I can't even begin to know how to make you believe me."

"I do believe you. And I love you too. Just, I want you to touch me. I want you to do more than love me, I want you to want me."

"I do want you. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." Graham tightened his arms around Xander, but kept their eyes lock together. "Now, tell me what you want."

"You, only you. And no more trips to the bathroom, young man." Xander laughed, releasing some of the tension that had built inside him. Then he pressed his lips to Graham's, and whispered. "Take me home."

***************

Xander stood just inside the back door to Buffy and Riley's house and surveyed the damage. Willow spun her way in and out between tables and chairs, flower arrangements piled to one side and boxes of dishes and tablecloths piled to the other. She whirled around, waving her arm like a conductor directing an orchestra, pointing out where she wanted everything placed. She turned, meeting Xander's eyes, and ran up to him.

"Xander, hi. Um, you should go back inside now. The bride isn't supposed to see the decorations before they're ready. And they're not, so you can't see them. Um, what are you doing here so early. And have you lost weight?" Willow babbled on as she tried to pull Xander back into the kitchen.

Xander followed, knowing it was useless to argue. Although he did shrug off her hand at his elbow and roll his eyes at her. "Willow, would you please stop calling me 'the bride' and it isn't bad luck to see the decorations. I'm here now, because this is the time you said to show up with my tux. And no, I haven't lost weight, but thank you for the compliment."

"I'm sure I read something about brides and decorations. Hmm, I'll look it up later. Okay, take the tux upstairs and hang it in my room, you'll need it tomorrow. And did you bring any other clothes with you?"

"No, just the tux. Why would I bring other clothes, and why can't I take the tux home?"

Willow leveled a stare at Xander, mouth hanging open. "You don't really think you're staying at your place tonight, do you?"

Xander reached out, pushing up on Willow's lower jaw until she stopped talking. "Where else would I stay?"

"Here. of course. You can't spend the night before the wedding with the person your marrying. Xander, it's inappropriate."

"Willow, Graham and I have been living together for months now, and dating even longer than that. I don't see any reason why we can't stay together tonight."

Willow frowned, fluttering around the room. "Well, cause of the party tonight. We were gonna have this whole slumber party thing, and there would be ice cream and cake, and talking."

"Okay, I'll go along with that. But you have to be the one to break it to Graham. He had plans for tonight already."

Willow straightened her shoulders, setting her resolve face firmly in place. "Okay, I can do that."

"And no bullying him, Will. You know he's a little intimidated by you."

"By me, why?" Willow feigned innocent shock, but was brought back to resolve face when Xander doubled over in laughter.

"Willow, when are you going to realize you can't pull off innocent anymore? Especially not with me."

"I can so." Willow continued the old game by sticking out her bottom lip and pouting a little, then turned her back on Xander and made her way over to the counter. "Want coffee?"

"Sure. So, when you gonna call Graham? Best to catch him right after his workout." Xander's face got a dreamy look on it. To anyone looking at him, it was apparent where his thoughts had led him. "Will, maybe I should just go tell him. I can pick up some clothes and stuff, be back in a few hours?"

"Oh no, mister. You will stay here, where Buffy can hold you down. I'll get you some clothes and talk to Graham, and there won't be any sweaty groping."

Xander took a towel from the table, rolled it up, and threw it at Willow. "I've always liked the sweaty groping."

"I'm sure you have. And after tomorrow, you can have it whenever you want. But until the wedding is over, you will have me, Buffy, or Giles with you at all times."

"Fine, I can live through one night and day of no fun. But you better have lots of board games, or the deal’s off."

Willow turned, squinting her eyes at him. "Hey, we'll have lots of fun". Then, seeing the way he arched his eyebrow at her, she blushed. "Oh, okay. Not that kind of fun, granted, but there will be movies, and popcorn. Besides, we can always get Buffy drunk and convince her she has a French test tomorrow."

Xander laughed at the memories of Buffy trying to speak French, then sobered. "Will?"

"Yeah, Xan?" Willow's face lost all trace of amusement when she saw the seriousness in his eyes.

"I just wanted to say thanks. You know, for planning this whole thing for us. Although, I gotta tell you, for a while I wasn't sure it was gonna happen."

"Xander, what are you talking about? Of course it was going to happen." Willow knelt next to Xander's chair, taking his hands in hers. "You and Graham belong together. Any idiot can see that."

"I know, now. It just took me a long time to realize that it was real." Eyes becoming damp, Xander stood and got a bottle of water from the refrigerator before returning to his chair.

"I know, Xan. Tell ya what, you march upstairs, run a hot bath, and have a soak. A good hot soak heals all troubles. Well, that and chocolate." Willow ended with a slight smile.

Xander watched her go, letting Willow's comforting words sink in a little. Hearing the door open again, he figured Will must have left something behind and returned for it. He smiled fondly, remembering how forgetful she'd always been.

"Hey Harris, thought I'd find you here."

Xander sat up straight, his every instinct telling him to run, to hide, at the sound of that voice. "Faith! What the hell are you doing here?" Jumping up from his chair, he backed away as the rogue slayer entered the kitchen. He snatched a knife from the counter next to the sink and wedged himself into the corner by the fridge.

Faith seemed saddened by his reaction, jamming her hands into the pockets of her loose fitting jeans. When she settled against the counter, as far from Xander as she could get, he finally had time to look her over. The white tank top, covered with a loose, navy blue zip up sweater, combined with jeans that weren't cutting off her circulation, showed a side of the girl he'd never seen before, one he'd never expected too. Looking into her face, the lack of make-up made the lines around her eyes and mouth stand out, along with the dark circles around her eyes.

But it was what he saw in her eyes that convinced him to put the knife away. In them he saw fear, remorse, a bit of that wild look some animals got just before they turned and ran from humans. What he didn't see was the old look of contempt and barely concealed hatred that used to be her trademark.

Keeping his eyes on her, he pulled the refrigerator door open and took out another bottle of water, tossing it to Faith. "So, you were looking for me? Why? I mean, come back after a few years to finish the job?"

Faith lowered her eyes, peeling away the label on her water bottle. "No. I..I came to Sunnydale to see Angel. There was a problem in LA, it's been taken care of, but...Gunn thought he should know."

Xander wandered back over to the table, sitting down, never taking his eyes off Faith. "And what, you never heard of a phone?" His eyes narrowed as he watched her reaction to his harsh words. He'd expected an explosion of some kind, massive amounts of violence, a little beating, or at the least some slamming around and walking out. But all he saw was her shrinking further into herself.

Faith closed her eyes against the pain his tone caused, knowing she deserved it, but hurt none the less. "Angel's kinda famous for his lack of cell phone knowledge." She looked up, a crooked smile on her lips, and saw his puzzled look. "He never turns it on."

"Ah," Xander replied, nodding his head. Leaning back in his chair, he reached under the table with his leg and pushed out the chair opposite him. "Have a seat. But keep your hands above the table, please?" He watched as she looked over at him, stunned, and slowly inched her way over to sit down. "So, you're out of jail? How'd that happen?"

Faith splayed her hands on the table, making sure to keep them in plain sight. She hadn't expected him, or anyone, to trust her. In fact, she'd have been disappointed if they had. She stared at her hands for a moment, gathering her thoughts, then looked up, meeting his eyes. "Well, let's see, I got parole for good behavior." She laughed ironically. "Imagine, me, getting rewarded for good behavior. After that, I went to the only place I thought I'd be welcome, by one person at least. I went to Angel. He took me in, gave me work, gave me a purpose. After a while, and I didn't even know he was working on it, but, one of his informants uncovered some of the mayor's old files. There were a few papers in there showing how the mayor and his deputy were planning to off Buffy and me. He took the papers to a lawyer who used them to show I killed Allan Finch in self defense. So, I'm out for good, verdict overturned, clean slate and all."

Xander raised an eyebrow, "Really? A whole new start, just like that? Must be great. But you'll forgive me if I'm not jumping for joy about your return to society. After all, I was one of the people you tried to kill." Standing, Xander moved slowly toward the kitchen door, stopping when he heard her chair push away from the table. He turned, pulling the phone from the wall as he did. He'd raised it above his head, like a weapon, when he noticed her strange look and the fact that she'd been moving away from him instead of coming at him. He lowered the phone, inwardly cursing himself for showing the fear he was feeling.

Faith's wide eyes lowered, guilt shimmering across her face before she had a chance to smother it. When she looked up at him again, unshed tears glistened at the corners of her eyes. "Look, Xander. I'm sorry for startling you, I didn't mean too. I guess I'll just go, Angel has some stuff for me to take back to LA."

Xander watched as she turned and walked toward the back door. He called out just as she reached for the handle. "Faith? You told me why you're in Sunnydale, but not why you were looking for me. Was there a reason you looked me up, or was it just for fun?"

Turning back, Faith looked at him for a long moment before releasing the door and moving back toward him, hands stuffed into pockets. "Yeah, that." She sighed, sounding defeated. "Look, I've never really been any good at the whole apology thing, so I'll just come out with it. I wanted to let you know I was sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong on so many levels, and I never saw that until recently. And I don't expect the hugs and kisses, or to be forgiven and become best friends, I just wanted to let you know. You were probably the only one here that treated me like a human being for so long, then when shit started happening, I kinda took it out on you. I know that's not an excuse and I'm not trying to make them, I guess I'm just trying to make amends."

Xander tossed the phone on the countertop and leaned back against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. "Well, that's some speech. And the truth is, I forgave you a long time ago." Holding up a hand, he stopped her when she went to interrupt. "I forgave you, but I won't forget it. And you're right about one thing, we'll never be best friends, hell we may never be any kind of friends again, but I don't want to be your enemy, I have too many of those already."

"Xander! Are you here?" Xander heard the voice from the living room and his insides melted. Graham appeared at the entrance to the kitchen, a blazing smile spreading across his face as he saw Xander. He crossed to the island in the middle of the floor, leaning across to meet Xander halfway and they shared a soft, gentle kiss before pulling back. That's when he saw the dark haired woman standing across the kitchen, leaning back against the counter and looking uncomfortable. Blushing, he glanced at Xander out of the corner of his eye before introducing himself. "Hello, I'm Graham, and you are?"

Faith slowly crossed to him, holding her hand out. "I'm Faith."

Graham stood up straight, his entire face darkening. He turned hard eyes on Xander. "This is Faith?" At Xander's confused nod, Graham took him by the hand, pulling him toward the door. "What the hell are you doing here alone with her? Where's Buffy?"

"Right here, what's going on?" Buffy said coming through the door, eyes going cold as she saw who their visitor was. "Faith!"

***************

Buffy spun toward Xander, careful to keep one eye on Faith at the same time. "What is she doing here?" Not waiting for an answer from Xander or Graham, she turned back toward Faith, snatching up a knife from the counter as she turned. "What are you doing here?" She growled the words out between clenched teeth. It was taking everything she had in her not to throw herself at the rogue slayer.

"B, wait, I..." Faith stammered, backing away. Eyes wide and hands up to ward off any attacks, Faith looked around for some way out without having to go past Buffy, but she was trapped in her corner.

Xander tried to pull out of the hold Graham had on him, to place himself between the two slayers, but Graham wasn't letting go, instead he tightened his grip, pulling Xander closer to his chest. Casting a frustrated glare at his lover, Xander turned toward Buffy. "Buffy, wait. Just put the knife down and listen. At least give her a chance to explain. Please?" He bit the inside of his cheek when Buffy shot him a questioning glance, not sure if he could explain his own actions. But before he even tried, he needed to get Graham to loosen up a little. He might actually need his arm some time in the next few years.

Xander took a moment to look at Graham. While the protectiveness made him feel warm and mushy inside, there were times when it was just too much. He reached his free hand up to Graham's neck, rubbing his thumb across the soft skin beneath his ear. "Graham, honey, you can let go. No one here is going to hurt anyone else." Then he cast a glare toward both slayers. "Right?"

Faith took her eyes off Buffy long enough to answer. "I'm cool. No hurting anyone. Got it." Then she looked back at Buffy and raised one thin eyebrow. "You cool?"

Buffy pulled back from her defensive stance, letting the tension melt out of her muscles. Hesitating only a second, she lay the knife down, then leaned back against the wall. She never took her suspicious gaze off Faith as she answered Xander. "I'll be fine as long as she doesn't try anything."

Xander rolled his eyes and stepped toward Buffy, stopping in mid step when he felt Graham pressing against him, matching him step for step. "Graham, you can back off a little, I'll be fine. Really."

Graham looked at Xander as if he were nuts. "I'm not letting you go into the middle of this alone. Not after what happened last time you and Faith were in a room together."

Xander released a sigh, he really hated being treated like he was fragile and Graham knew it. "Graham, I love you, but you have to back off a little, let me breathe."

Graham pulled him to the side again and leaned in close. "Xander, I'm not going to stand aside and give her the chance to hurt you again. I know you don't like it when I try to protect you, but this time you're just going to have to deal with it."

Xander, finally having had enough of the macho crap, threw his arms into the air, releasing an irritated 'aargh'. "No, actually I love it when you get protective. Most of the time. But right now, between you going caveman and Buffy acting like she's facing off against an apocalypse demon, Faith is probably the one person in this room that won't wind up hurting me." Xander regretted the words the moment he said them, and doubly so when he saw Graham's reaction.

Graham's stone faced mask dropped back into place and he lowered his eyes to the floor. When he raised them again, they were filled with a deep pain. "I'd throw myself into raging infernos to keep you from harm, but if you think it's me you need to be protected from, then I guess there's really no reason for me to be here, is there?" Not waiting for an answer, Graham turned and left the kitchen.

Xander stared after him, not believing that he'd actually left, not knowing if he'd ever come back. When he heard the front door slam, he sank to the floor, tears forming in his eyes. He heard, but didn't acknowledge, both Buffy and Faith's surprised shouts. He never broke eye contact with the door until he heard the back door open.

Turning, Xander saw Angel and Dawn enter through the back, the first wary, the second hostile. Xander saw the concern on the vampire's face and answered it in an anguished voice. "He left me. Angel, what am I going to do?"

It was then that Buffy voiced the question that had been forming in her mind since she'd seen Angel enter the house. "Angel, um, care to explain how it is you're walking around in the daylight and you're not even slightly toasted?"

Angel sent an annoyed glance her way, then flicked his worried gaze over Dawn and Faith before settling on Xander. He knelt down next to the distraught human and helped him to his feet. "We'll get to that later, Buffy. Right now you and Dawn need to talk. Faith, you need to get back to LA. I'm going to see if I can't calm Xander down a little and maybe help him patch things up with Graham."

They all watched as he led Xander from the room. Dawn spoke up just before they turned out of sight. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

Angel either didn't hear the question or chose not to respond to it, so it was Faith that answered her. Walking up behind the young woman, Faith stroked a hand down her hair. "He'll be fine, Dawnie. It was just a misunderstanding. They happen all the time and never mean anything, if anyone should know that, you should." The words came out in a soft voice and ended on a tension breaking chuckle.

Dawn laughed softly to herself softly. "Yeah, God knows we've had enough of those lately."

Buffy's expression was somewhere between disgust and murderous rage. "Oh my God. You and my sister? That's just sick." She stared at Faith, wishing she'd never relinquished the knife, but fairly certain she wouldn't need it to take her down. She was about to go after Faith when Dawn laughed.

"Oh please. Not that it's any of you business, but Faith is hardly my type. She's just a friend." Dawn took great pleasure in the effect her last statement had on her sister. Angel may have coerced her into actually talking to Buffy, but it didn't mean she had to make it pleasurable.

"Friends? Since when do you hang out with psychotic killers?" Buffy didn't bother trying to keep the anger out of her voice, she'd decided after the encounter with Dawn in the cemetery that she wasn't going to lie back and take whatever her sister threw at her anymore. No matter how much she'd love to make peace with Dawn, she wasn't going to be anyone's punching bag.

Dawn scrunched up her eyes, thinking, and slipped her hands into her back pockets. "Let's see, I was 11 the first time you let us meet Angel, so I'd have to say about six years now." She turned to Faith, "Sound right to you?"

Faith raised both eyebrows and backed away. "OH no, I am not getting up in the middle of this. Bossman wants me in LA, so that's where I'm headed." Faith started toward the door, but turned back to Dawn with a smirk. "I'll be sure to tell Angel you called him a psychotic killer, though. That should be fun."

Dawn swatted at her on the way by, laughing. "Oh yeah, what's he going to do? Spank me?" She gave an exaggerated wiggle of her brows, coaxing another laugh from Faith.

Buffy started forward, intent on keeping Faith from leaving, but she was stopped by a wall of wind coming from nowhere. "Faith, you're not going anywhere until you explain yourself." But it was too late, Faith was already gone. She turned back to face Dawn. "Great. Now that you've let her get away, we'll never get any answers."

Dawn opened the refrigerator, pulling out a soda. She turned back and rolled her eyes. "Relax, Angel and I can answer your questions." She flopped down at the table, popping the top off her soda.

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not only did it appear as Dawn and Faith had become friends, but apparently her sister was also dating Angel. Whoever said life never ceased to surprise sure knew what they were talking about. She looked over at Dawn and tried for a neutral, casual tone as she posed questions. "So, you and Angel, huh? How's that working? How's that possible?"

Dawn noticed the failed attempt at casual and smiled to herself. Buffy was nothing if not predictable. Dawn was sure that right now the two foremost thoughts on her sister’s mind were: What about Angel's curse? and How can I stop Faith before she kills again? So she looked at Buffy and answered them both. "Angel and I are none of your business. All you need to know is that the curse is no longer a problem. There will be no Angelus sequels in the future. And just to put your mind at ease, Faith isn't the cold blooded killer you think she is."

Buffy nodded once, then leveled her eyes with her sister. "I'll take your word on that for now until I have a chance to talk to Angel. But at least you can talk to me now without throwing me through a window." She lowered her eyes then, not wanting Dawn to see the hope in them.

Dawn's voice, when she spoke up, was a little shaky, but she didn't hold anything back to spare feelings. "Yeah, well Angel wanted us to talk, so I'm giving it a shot for him. Look, I didn't really mean to hurt you at the grave site. I just haven't gotten complete control over myself yet and apparently the Hellmouth gives me a little boost that I wasn't as prepared for as I thought."

Buffy nodded again, accepting the statement for the apology it was. With things going so smoothly, she decided to try and bring it all to an end. "Look Dawn, I...there's some stuff..."

Dawn put up a hand, bringing Buffy's speech to a halt. "Stop. Let's not go down that path, okay? What we've got going here is good, as good as it's going to get anyway. All that stuff earlier was blown way out of proportion. I realize that now." Dawn stood and paced across the kitchen, then leaned back against the island before continuing. "It was the first time I'd been to the gr...grave since the funeral and I was a little upset. I don't really blame you for her death, not anymore. But things can't ever go back to the way they were, we've both changed too much to just pretend the last few years didn't happen. The best I can offer you now is a distant friendship." She looked up, meeting Buffy's eyes and waited.

Buffy was speechless. What was being offered was mare than she'd dared hope for and she was more than willing to accept. With tears in her eyes, she tested the waters with a question. "Do distant friends warrant hugs?"

Dawn stepped forward and awkwardly took Buffy in her arms, still not willing to admit, even to herself, just how much she'd missed this.

Angel cleared his throat from the doorway. He and Xander entered the kitchen and sat down at the table. "So, no one's dead, I guess the talk went well?" He eyed both sisters, torn between the woman he loved now and the woman he'd loved first. He sat ready to intervene in any fight should it turn out that they were only just preparing to begin.

His fears were calmed when Dawn took a seat on his lap and laughed at the startled, nervous look he shot toward Buffy. But Buffy's only response was a tight frown before she turned her attention to Xander.

Reaching a hand across to him, Buffy rubbed and patted his arm comfortingly. "Hey, Xander. You feeling any better?"

Xander tried to give her one of his patented grins, but could only muster a small, lopsided smile. "Yeah. It stopped feeling like Armageddon a little while back, now it's down to a minor apocalypse. " He leaned down, laying his head on his crossed arms. "It'll be okay though, I called and left him a message begging him to let me beg him to let me explain."

Buffy gave him a sympathetic smile and whispered in his ear. "I'm sure everything will turn out okay. But in the meantime, want some juicy gossip?" At Xander's depressed sigh and nod, she beamed at him and reported her news. "Dawn and Angel are dating."

Xander turned his head and buried his face in his arms. "I already knew that." He heaved another depressed sigh and pushed himself to his feet. "When Willow gets back tell her that her special cocoa is needed desperately. I'm going to go curl up on her bed and pretend my life is normal." With that he turned and slowly made his way upstairs.

Willow gave up after 10 minutes of knocking with no answer, thinking that if Graham were home, he'd have answered the door by now. As she made her way back down the stairs, she racked her brains trying to figure out where she could find Graham and get his key from him. She paused at a turn of the stairs and slapped herself on the forehead, remembering that Xander had told her he always kept a spare key behind the fire extinguisher. Turning she ran back up the stairs and got the key out.

The first thing she noticed when she entered the apartment was how dark it was. Even with the lights turned out and the blinds closed, it shouldn't be this dark. The small hairs on the back of her neck stood up, that tingling sensation that tells you when you aren't alone racing down her back. "Graham? Are you in here? Why is it so dark in here?"

Spinning when she heard a crash, Willow slapped a hand on the light switch, then had to blink her eyes at the brightness of the bared bulbs in the room. When her eyes had adjusted, she began to wish they hadn't. On the sofa, Graham was lying back, Spike draped half clothed over his lap. The two had obviously been drinking, a little too much to her thinking. And with Spike being shirtless, and Graham's clothes being so messed up and twisted, their other activities were also painfully obvious.

The crash seemed to have resulted from Graham's hand knocking a lamp off the end table, and Willow's anger only increased when she realized it was Xander's favorite lamp. The one he'd brought back from his summer trip. She quickly crossed the room, grabbing Spike's arm and tossing him off of Graham. She completely ignored his slurred protests as she reached out and fisted a handful of Graham's hair in her hand.

"Graham. Graham!" Willow all but screamed the words into his face. Pulling roughly on his hair, she tugged his head back and forth, trying to wake him. With each passing second, her anger grew. "Graham. How could you do this to Xander. You know how much he loves you, this is going to kill him."

Releasing the still unconscious man on the couch, she turned her anger on the vampire trying to walk toward her. "And you, you were supposed to be his friend. I guess Buffy was right about you all the time, you haven't changed. You've just been biding your time, waiting to strike where it would hurt us most."

Spike put a hand to his head, attempting to stop the world from spinning quite so fast. When her words finally registered in his brain, his eyes snapped open, darting from the man on the sofa and back to the very pissed off witch. "Willow, it's not what you think. We.."

"You know what, Spike? I don't care to hear your explanations. But you better have a damn good one to give Xander, because when I get him over here, you two had better be sober enough to sit down and talk to him. And you better not hurt him. Well, no more than he’s gonna be hurt when he finds out you've been sleeping with his fiancé." Fury trailing a wake behind her, she stomped toward the door, stopping when she heard Graham's voice.

"Willow, wait. You can't tell him. We haven't done anything, all we did was talk and drink. Please let me explain." Graham sat up, tears flowing down his cheeks and clogging his throat.

Willow turned to face Graham, her mind already made up. She squared her shoulders and made herself not give in to the sight of his pain. "No. You can explain it to Xander." Turning again, she quickly ran from the apartment before they could stop her again.

Taking the steps at a run, Willow lost herself in thought. She knew what she was about to do would hurt Xander, but she could see no way around it. He needed to know. On the other hand, could she bring herself to be the one to cause that pain? Could she sit there, holding his hand, and rip his heart out?

Before she knew it, she stood before the Summers house. She hesitated about going inside, but forced herself when she remembered the reasons for her haste. There was no one within sight when she entered the house, but she could hear the voices from the kitchen. She listened at the door until she realized that Xander's voice wasn't in the conversation, then started up the stairs to begin her search for him.

She checked the bathroom first, but when she didn't find anyone there, she went immediately to her room. For as long as she could remember, whenever Xander was sad, he'd crawl into her bedroom and curl up on her bed. She knocked lightly before poking her head in the door, and lying there, curled up in a fetal position, was Xander. He'd fallen asleep and looked so peaceful and happy. As soon as she saw him, she knew she couldn't tell him what she'd seen.

Stepping away from the bed, Willow quickly walked out of the room and down to Buffy's bedroom. Picking up the phone, she called Graham. It took three rings, and she was just about to give up, when a pained voice answered. "Hello."

Drawing in a deep breath, Willow spoke quickly. "Graham, this is Willow. I'm not telling him. I don't know what happened today between you two, but both of you need to sit down and talk. He's asleep right now, but when he wakes up, I'll send him home. Make sure Spike is gone. And Graham, whatever you do, don't lie to him."

***************

*Later that same night*

Xander flew up the stairs toward the door of their apartment. In his haste, he nearly broke his key off in the lock before realizing the door wasn't even locked. He raised a confused eyebrow as he pushed the door open. It was dark, but he could see the flickers on the wall that indicated lots of burning candles. "Graham?"

Graham stood in the kitchen doorway, bare chested, clad in nothing but old navy sweats. His hair was still wet from the shower, and Xander was sure he'd never seen anything more perfect in his life. Graham walked across the room to take Xander's things from him. Dropping the wallet and keys on the table next to the door, he began ushering Xander toward the bathroom.

"I have dinner almost ready, why don't you get showered while I finish up, then we have some talking to do."

Xander smiled to himself. He knew he still needed to explain his overreaction to Graham, but he could tell that everything would be okay. He looked up at his lover and pressed a semi-chaste kiss on his lips. "Clothes? I'll need something to put on."

Graham responded with a hungry leer. "Already waiting for you. When you're done, just come to the kitchen. I have to get back before anything burns."

Xander watched as his lover slowly walked backward across the living room, only turning away when Graham disappeared into the kitchen. After turning on the water, Xander looked for the clothes Graham had laid out for him. He found them lying on the sink, what there was of them. An old pair of cutoff sweatpants and nothing else. He was beginning to see a pattern. After a quick but thorough shower, Xander stepped into the shorts and swiped a towel over his hair. He took a few minutes to brush his teeth and comb his hair before leaving the bathroom.

Walking into the kitchen, Xander stopped. He loved watching Graham cook, or clean, or do just about anything. But the sight before him now was breathtaking. Graham stood at the table with his back to Xander, stirring something in a bowl. The play of muscle under his skin made Xander's mouth water much more than the heavenly aroma of the food. He walked forward, slipping his arms around his lover's waist and burying his face in the crook of Graham's neck. "Mmm, that smells great." Tracing the muscular shoulder with his tongue, he smiled. "Tastes great too."

Graham chuckled, turning to wrap his own arms around Xander. He dropped a light kiss on his lover's lips and pulled back before he could get lost in the sensation. "Yeah, but you need to eat something. And don't look at me like that, you need FOOD. Sit here and eat, I want to talk to you."

Pulling out of Graham's arms, Xander frowned. He really hated talks that started with 'We have to talk'. He pulled out the chair in front of him and dropped down into it, watching with a pout as Graham walked around the table and sat down out of his reach. "I know what you want to talk about and before you start, let me say I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I never thought you'd hurt me, I was just so mad, and I don't really know why. Wait, yes I do." Xander paused for a breath, taking the opportunity to shake his head clear. "First of all, I love you, and I love that you want to keep me from getting hurt. But you have to trust me sometimes to know what's right. I'm not a piece of glass that's going to shatter if someone breathes too hard in my direction."

Graham put up his hand, stopping Xander before he got too deep into the babble. "Xander, slow down. I'm the one that should be apologizing. I completely overreacted. I really don't understand everything that happened with Faith, and you're right, I should have trusted you. But I was so worried that you'd get hurt. Baby, I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you. I wouldn't be able to go on." Graham stared into Xander's eyes, not caring about the tears rolling down his cheeks. He'd been so worried that he'd lost Xander forever. Now the tears were as much of relief as they were of fear that something might one day happen to the man he loved. "I love you so much it terrifies me, and the thought of someone hurting you....it gives me nightmares sometimes."

"I know." Xander's voice came out husky with unshed tears of his own. "And I feel the same way. But, Graham, I'm not going to live wrapped in bubble wrap just so you'll feel better knowing I'm safe. We'll both just have to trust each other and know that if anything comes up we can handle it together." Xander reached across the table, taking Graham's hand in his own. "Now that the talk’s over, can we skip dinner and move right on to dessert?"

Graham smiled wickedly at his lover. "Sure, what would you like? Chocolate ice cream, or cheesecake?"

Moving quickly, Xander slid out of his chair and around the table into Graham's lap. "I'll take both, later. Right now I was thinking of an order of me covered in marine sauce." Xander's grin matched Graham's in wickedness, but he wasn't fast enough when he moved out of his lover's lap and tried to run down the hall.

Graham caught up with him in the kitchen doorway and tossed him over his shoulder. Running into the bedroom, he tossed Xander on the bed, grinning at Xander's shock as he held up the shorts the brunette had been wearing. "Lose something?"

Xander sat up, reaching out quickly to rip Graham's sweats away. "Nope, found it."

Graham raised an eyebrow at his lover. He crawled up on the bed, not stopping until his naked body hovered completely over Xander's. "Well, now you've got it, what are you going to do?"

"Just this." Xander grabbed his lover's hips, roughly pulling them together. He sighed with contentment when Graham let his full body drop down on him. He claimed Graham's lips in a deep, soul searching kiss, not letting go until the need for air forced them to part. Looking up, Xander met Graham's eyes and gasped as their erections pressed together. "Graham, don't be gentle, please."

Graham made as close to a vampire's snarl as Xander had ever heard a human make when he clamped his lips back over Xander's mouth. He drove his tongue into his lover's mouth and nibbled at his lips in a way that made the brunette feel he was being devoured. Xander loved it, it was making him feel more desired than anything had in a long time. It wasn't until he felt Graham's hand pushing beneath him that he realized Graham had retrieved the lube from the nightstand. He shivered when the bottle's small opening was pressed just inside his ass, and shivered again as he felt the cool lube squeezed inside him.

Graham pulled back a little, drawing in a breath, then dove back in again with lips, tongue, and teeth. All the while, he kept pressing the lube inside Xander. When he felt he'd used enough he tossed the bottle over his shoulder and pushed two fingers knuckle deep into his lover. He relished the moan Xander gave. He felt Xander slide his feet up until muscular thighs were clutching at his sides and took advantage of the wider opening to press in a third finger.

Pulling his head back, Graham watched his lover's face change with each move he made. He spread his fingers apart, pressing at the walls of Xander's opening, and in one jerking motion, he twisted them around in a circle. His control nearly went out the window at the near rapture he saw on Xander's face with that move, so he did it again, in the opposite direction. He removed his fingers, running his slick hand up and down his own erection, and gathered Xander's knees across his shoulders. In one fast plunge, he was buried to the hilt inside his lover, Xander wincing and gasping at the shock of pleasure-pain that jolted through his body.

He slowly pulled back a couple of inches and pressed himself back in. He made this slow pull and push move a few times, spreading the lube around a little more, then pulled back almost all the way out, and thrust back in, hard.

Quickly they settled into a rhythm. Graham would slam his cock into Xander, and pull back slowly. Xander would lift his ass, trying to follow Graham as he pulled out, only to get driven back to the mattress by another fast plunge. Graham almost lost all control twice as the head of his cock got caught by Xander clenching the muscle ring at the entrance to his hole. Each time he stopped and forced himself back under control before thrusting again, each time with a little more force.

Xander gasped with each desperate thrust, thrusts that seemed to be coming closer and closer together until they were a blur of heated ecstatic movement with his eye's locked on Graham's and Graham's cock burrowing into him. In a breathy voice he spoke to his lover. "Graham. God, Graham, so good, so close. Harder."

Graham gave a truly evil grin as he pulled right out, his cock losing all contact with Xander's body, only to slam back into his lover. Three fully out and slam thrusts later, Xander screamed out his climax, his nails digging into the flesh of Graham's back. It was the torturous clenching of Xander's anal muscles that ripped Graham's orgasm from his body. He plunged in and out of his lover repeatedly with full force as he pumped his seed into Xander.

*****

Lying in bed, half dozing and stroking his hands through Xander's hair, Graham felt guilt overcome him.

"Xander? You awake?"

Xander heard Graham's soft voice next to his ear. Turning he placed a gentle kiss on his lover's lips. "I am now. What’s wrong?"

Graham looked down, unable to meet Xander's eyes. "It's just that something happened, earlier today. After I left Buffy's place, I came back her and kinda got a little drunk with Spike."

Xander sat up, crossing his arms over his chest, anger in his voice. "With Spike? Oh, he's dead. Deader than usual, he won't be waking up this time."

Graham pushed himself up to lean against Xander's side, taking his lover's face in his hands. "No, it's not like that. Nothing happened, nothing at all, nothing would have, I love you. We just talked, and drank, and drank some more. That's when Willow came in. She misunderstood and went apeshit. I just thought you should know."

Xander sat staring off into space for a moment. "So, nothing happened?" He waited until he saw Graham shook his head. "Then there's nothing to worry about." He slid back down, allowing Graham to take him into his arms.

"Are you sure?" Graham couldn't believe his lover could be so understanding. But he decided not to press his luck and just took his husband to be in his arms and pulled him into a warm cuddle.

"I'm positive. We'll just start now with no secrets, and promise each other to keep it that way. We always have to be honest. And if anything ever does happen, we can work it out together."

Graham smiled, pulling Xander closer. "Sounds like a plan to me. Now, we need to get some sleep so we can get married tomorrow." He watched Xander's eyes begin to droop into dreams and burrowed his face into Xander's shoulder. Both soon drifted off into sleep, each secure in the other's love.

*****

Graham slowly came awake...to pitch darkness. He had a few moments of disorientation before realizing the darkness was caused by something covering his eyes. He could also feel something warm and wet on his inner thigh. "Xander?"

The warm and wet sensation moved away. "Shh, lie still." Xander's smile could be heard in his voice as he lowered his head back to Graham's thighs, slowly licking his way up. He left not one single patch of skin untouched as he made his trek up muscled thighs, and down, to bury his face beneath Graham's balls.

Graham tried to grab for Xander, only to find that his hands were tied to the headboard of the bed. Confusion, mingled with arousal, filtered through his brain. "Xander, what's going on?"

Xander lifted his head once more. "If I have to tell you that, I must not be doing it right."

"Oh, you're definitely doing it right. But why am I tied up and blindfolded?" Graham asked, still slightly confused, but slowly beginning not to care as Xander lapped at his perineum. He groaned with frustration when Xander pulled away again.

Xander smiled at the groan, his plan working perfectly. "You're tied up so that you can't remove the blindfold and so that I get to have my way. And you're blindfolded because it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding." Grinning broadly, Xander went back to work. Moving a little farther up from the sensitive strip of skin, Xander took Graham's balls into his mouth, one at a time and then together, rolling them on his tongue, as if memorizing the taste to be remembered later.

Graham bucked his hips up, trying for more contact, but with his hands tied, it was too easy for Xander to pull away. Which he did, teasing Graham with just the tip of his tongue now.

Xander ran the very tip of his tongue around the outer edge of skin where Graham's ball sac met the base of his cock. Slowly, maddeningly slowly, he traced intricate patterns on the underside of the cock trapped at his mercy. Finally, after an eternity of teasing, Xander made his way to the tip, circling it with his tongue before taking just the head into his mouth.

Graham hissed and once again bucked his hips, trying to get more of himself into Xander's mouth. "Xander, for the love of God, please!" Panting now, Graham dropped his hips back down to the bed.

Xander raised his head, losing contact with Graham, and slowly crawled up the bed until he hovered over his lover's body. "Please what? Tell me what you want, Graham, this is my gift to you."

Graham thought for a moment. He knew the answer, but highly doubted Xander would give in on the blindfold. So he began to form another option. "If this is my gift from you, then I have to give one back. Use me to live out one of your secret fantasies."

Xander laughed huskily. "I already am."

"Then, please continue. You're driving me crazy." Graham threw his head back, thumping it against the pillows. He wished he could see Xander's eyes, but since he couldn't, he used his imagination. Xander's whiskey colored eyes would be nearly black from arousal, gold flecks shining brightly with mischief.

Then suddenly, with no warning at all, Graham felt two lube-slick fingers enter his ass, moving in slow circles. He grunted a little with the slight pain of penetration, but before he could say anything, Xander's mouth was covering his. Xander set up a slow rhythm of in and out thrusts, interrupted occasionally by circling the fingers or spreading them. Showing an ability to do two things at once, Xander slid in a third finger at the same time as he thrust his tongue as far into Graham's mouth as it would go.

He spent a few more minutes on deep, soul searching kisses as he finished preparing Graham for the continuation of his plan. Then once again, all contact disappeared as Xander left the bed. He returned shortly and began working a small dildo into his lover.

Graham gasped, the slight pain quickly replaced by the pleasure of knowing that Xander was doing this to him. "God, Xander, what is that?"

Xander leaned down and kissed him deeply, but quickly, once more and pulled back. "That's what kept me sane on all those long nights when I couldn't be with you. I made it one night while you slept. Do you like it?" The teasing smile was back in Xander's voice as he waited for Graham's answer.

Graham was lost in the sensations being driven into him, he couldn't form a coherent thought, much less an answer. So he did the only thing he could, he drew his legs up to spread himself further apart to give Xander better access.

With a chuckle, Xander pressed against one knee, pushing it lower. "Lower them a little."

Graham did so without comment, trusting Xander implicitly. He stopped breathing when Xander grasped his erection in one hand. He felt Xander crawl up over him and wondered briefly how Xander was doing this and still holding onto the dildo he had in Graham's ass, but soon lost his ability to think again when he felt Xander lower himself onto his aching cock.

"Oh, God, Graham. Sooo good." Xander slowly lowered himself until he had Graham held fully within himself. Then he let go of the dildo and placed both hands on Graham's chest. He began to raise and lower his hips, slowly, Graham's cock hitting his prostate with every thrust.

Graham lay beneath him, thrusting up with his hips every time Xander began to lower himself. The dildo buried inside him made it doubly erotic as he thought of Xander fucking him while he was slowly fucking Xander. It was enough to cause the slow tumble into orgasm. He rocked back and forth with his hips, drawing out each sensation, until he thrust up with one last fast and hard lunge, burying himself within Xander, and howled out his completion.

Seeing the ecstasy on his lover’s face pushed Xander over the edge. He threw back his head, arched his back and shot his hot seed all over Graham's chest and stomach. He held himself rigid until he was spent, then collapsed down onto the warm body beneath him.

Both lay panting for breath for a few moments before Xander reached down to tug the dildo out of Graham. He placed it on the nightstand and proceeded to untie his lover's hands. "I'm untying you now, but you have to promise to leave the blindfold on."

Graham took a deep breath of Xander scented air before answering. "I'll leave it on. I just want to hold you."

And true to his word, once his hands were untied, Graham only took Xander in his arms and rolled them both onto their sides. They cuddled together for awhile until Xander announced he had to shower and get over to the girls’ house to dress.

"Already? But it's so early." Graham whined, he felt a need to keep his lover as close to him as he possibly could, for as long as he could.

Xander laughed as he reluctantly pulled away. "But Graham, we only have four hours until the wedding." With that, he was gone.

Graham lay still, listening to the sounds of the shower, and began to plan the honeymoon in his head. After a while, he heard the shower stop, could hear the sound of fabric rubbing together as Xander dressed. He pouted a little, he'd always loved watching Xander get dressed. It was almost as erotic as watching him undress. When he felt Xander's hands trail up his arms, he smiled. Then he felt his lover's lips close on his own and gave up the smile to draw Xander's tongue into his mouth.

The kiss ended much too quickly for either of them, and Xander was gone again. Graham made as if to pull him back into bed, but only grazed his hips as he pulled away. Xander laughed. "Uh huh, I have to go or Willow will come looking for me. But, just think, when I see you again, it'll be time for me to become Mr. Alexander LaVelle Harris-Miller."

Graham was lost again, the sound of his name on the end of Xander's making him woozy with emotion. "I guess I can let you go for a little while then. Just remember, after tonight I won't ever be letting go again."

"Oh, you can count on it. I'll be yours and you will be mine. Forever." Xander leaned down for one last quick kiss, careful to keep his body out of Graham's reach, then quickly left.

Graham heard the front door click closed behind Xander a few minutes later. He tore the blindfold off his face and surveyed the gooey mess of their bed and contemplated changing the sheets, but quickly threw that idea out of his head. He climbed out of the bed and grabbed his sweats off the floor. He'd take a quick run before his shower, work off some of the energy their lovemaking always left him with.

Swiping Xander's discarded towel over his stomach and chest, he pulled a t-shirt over his head and slid his feet into his running shoes. He'd just put his hand on the handle of the front door when he noticed something laying on the table to the side of the door. He reached down and picked up a piece of black cloth, examining it. The smile on his face could have warmed the sun when he recognized the blindfold that Xander must have been wearing the entire time before he left.

Shaking his head and laughing, Graham left the apartment to take his run. All the while, he was still mentally making his plans for tonight.

***************

An hour to go, and Xander was nothing but a pacing bundle of nerves. //What if Graham doesn't show? What if he changed his mind? What if I throw up on my shoes?// He continued to pace, back and forth, to and fro. He'd counted the tiles of the bathroom several times, trying to distract himself, but it didn't help. He unconsciously brought his hand up to his mouth, biting at nails that were already bitten to the quick.

It was at that point that Buffy decided enough was enough. She reached into the bathroom and pulled Xander back to the bedroom with her. She sat him down on the bed and trapped his hands in her own so he would stop biting at his nails. "Xander, calm down. I’m gonna get dizzy watching you pace. Everything will be fine."

Xander looked at her and released a huge sigh. "I know. But Angel was supposed to be here an hour ago, Willow's dress is messed up, they delivered the wrong flowers, and I want Graham."

Buffy smiled at him. "I know you do, honey. I felt the same way when Riley and I got married. At least you don't have to worry about demons and watchers crashing your wedding. And Willow's dress is not messed up, it's just too long. She and Cordelia are in the other room taking it up now. Angel will be here as soon as he can, Dawn's doing some kind of changes on whatever spell it is she used to let him walk in the sun, she has to make it so he can stay out a little longer, and it's a delicate spell. We can work with the flowers we have, and Graham will be yours to do with as you wish in no time. So calm down before you have an anxiety attack."

Xander looked around the room in a mild panic. "I think it may be too late. Oh God, Buffy, I didn't think of the demons. What if they attack tonight? It'll ruin everything. Oh God, I can't breathe, I can't breathe."

"Stop that right this instant, Alexander LaVelle Harris. There will be no demons at tonight's ceremony. I've already made sure of it." Willow's voice floated into the room ahead of her, calming Xander slightly. He looked up as she and Cordelia came in dressed in identical clinging ivory dresses.

"Whoa, Will, digging the dresses. Why didn't I get an ivory one?" Buffy gave them both an appraising look, then looked down at her own dress, identical to theirs except for the color. Her's was a deep maroon.

"Because you aren't performing the ceremony, we are. You're standing up as Xander's best woman." Cordelia spoke up as she walked over to sit beside Xander. "Here, Xander, take my hand. Squeeze as hard as you like, it'll give you something to focus on instead of biting your nails and pacing."

Xander took Cordelia's hand in his, turning squinted eyes on Willow. "Careful how you throw that middle name around, Wills. I happen to be the only one in this room that knows yours. If you want to keep it that way, you'll not use mine."

Willow's face turned pink with her light blush. "Yeah, that's true, but you have to admit it took your mind off your nervousness." She frowned slightly, noticing Buffy's look at Xander. "And no, Buffy, he will not be telling you." Then she looked back at Xander, fidgeting, "Will you? Please don't."

Buffy pouted a little. "Hey, that's not fair. You know our full names, I say we should know yours too." But she dropped the teasing when they heard the quiet knock on the bedroom door.

Pulling the door open, Willow grabbed Angel from where he stood just outside the room. "Angel, come in. You can help."

Angel chuckled softly at Willow. He'd heard most of the exchange between the friends as he stood outside in the hall. "Sure, what am I helping with?"

"Xander's way nervous, and we're trying to take his mind off it." Willow beamed at him as she turned to indicate Xander's squeezing of Cordelia's hand, and Cordelia trying to restrain herself from slapping him on the head.

Angel chuckled again at the scene. "Then there's one thing I can think of that will take everyone's mind off it." He turned to Willow, taking her hand in his own. "Willow Francine Rosenberg, may I ask for the pleasure of the first dance with you this evening?"

Willow's face turned a shade of red none of them had ever seen before. She whirled around. "Xander!! You said no one else knew."

Xander smiled sheepishly. "No, I said I was the only one in the room that knew. And that was before Angel came in."

"But...but...but, how did he find out?" Willow stuttered, deeply embarrassed.

Xander once again turned sheepish. "Um, that would be my fault again. I may have told him once when we were talking, and may have forgotten to get his promise that he wouldn't repeat it. Sorry." He watched as she turned a glare on him. "Hey, no killing the bride before the wedding." Then he jumped off the bed and ran to hide behind Angel.

*****

"Graham, calm down, we're almost there." Riley laughed at his best friend as they walked down the street. They'd left Graham and Xander's apartment and decided to walk instead of driving, trying to work off more of the nervous energy that Graham seemed to have way too much of. So far, Graham had managed to wander into traffic only twice, so Riley deemed it a success. He reached out, pulling Graham to a stop. "Graham, hang back just a minute. I wanted to talk to you."

Graham stopped, brow furrowing as he caught Riley's eyes. "Sure, Ri, what's up?"

Riley shuffled from foot to foot. "I've never been good with this emotional stuff, ya know. But I wanted to tell you, I'm really proud of you, the way you've stood by Xander through everything that's happened. And we've always been best friends, as close as brothers. I just wanted to give you this, it's stupid, but we have this tradition in my family."

Graham grinned. Once upon a time, he'd have given anything to be close to Riley, and not as brothers. But that was during the time of his life he called BX, before Xander. Now he was just happy to know that he had a friend he could call brother. "I know what you mean, Ri, I feel the same way." He watched as Riley pulled a small envelope from his back pocket and handed it to him.

Inside the envelope was a piece of paper folded neatly. Graham pulled out and unfolded it. A few small pictures fell out, pictures of Graham and Riley as kids, playing together in the fields of Riley's grandparents’ farm. There were pictures of them in high school, in some, you could clearly see the infatuation written on Graham's face as he stared at Riley with hero worship. Still more pictures showed them the day they'd both joined the Marines, then the day they'd graduated from basic, both of them dressed up in their dress uniforms. The last picture was the one that got him most, it was one taken without either's knowledge as they cried silently beside Forrest's grave on the day of the funeral.

Graham teared up and turned saddened eyes on Riley. "This is great Riley. I didn't know you still had all these."

Riley cleared his throat before speaking, but his voice was still rough with emotion. "I had to call Grams to get her to send the earlier ones to me, but like I said, we have this tradition in my family. When one of us is getting married, we give them pictures to keep in an album. I was going to have them bound for you, but I just got them in yesterday and didn't have time. They're to show that even though you're moving into your own future with the person you love, you still have a stable foundation that will follow with you."

Graham wiped at his eyes and cleared his own throat. "Yeah, but I didn't give you anything but a toaster when you got married."

Riley laughed. "That's okay, man. I know how you feel."

Graham looked up, meeting Riley's eyes. "You may know, but I still feel like I need to say it. I love you Riley. Not in a gropey way, but, you're the best friend I could've ever had. I feel honored to know that I don't have to lose that now that I have Xander too."

"Graham, you'll never lose me as a friend. Well, unless you start dating Angel, then we might have issues. But somehow I don't see that being a problem."

Graham laughed out loud, happy for the break in the emotional tension that was hanging between them for the last few moments. But he straightened up, full of nervousness again, at Riley's next words. "Come on, Gray. Let's go get you married."

*****

Finally, the guests were all here, the flowers had been set up, Xander had struggled into his tux with Angel’s help. Now they all stood there, waiting for the two people they couldn't continue without: Xander and Graham.

Willow and Cordelia stood at the altar they'd set up at the very back of Buffy's property. Xander and Graham would enter from either side of the house and follow their red carpets to stand before them, facing each other. Willow had had the florists set up the flowers in a very intricate pattern that would allow the guests to all view the two men as they came toward the altar, but they wouldn't be able to see each other until they were before her.

Taking the slow walk up the carpet, Xander reached out and took Angel's hand in his own, pulling the vampire to a stop. "Angel, am I doing the right thing? What if...."

Angel looked at Xander, his face full of concern, and reached up to trace his thumb along the younger man's cheek. "What if, what? Xander, do you love Graham?"

Looking up, Xander's eyes went wide. "Oh, God yes. More than anything else in my life."

"Then, if you're really asking my opinion, I believe you're doing the right thing." Angel turned back toward the altar, offering Xander his arm with a smile.

Xander slapped at Angel's arm with his free hand and started walking again, but he didn't let go of Angel's hand again.

Stepping out from behind the flower trails at the same time, the two men stopped, both gasping as they caught sight of each other. They'd both dressed in identical black tuxedos, both chosen to wear a white rose bud on their lapel, and both were left breathless by the sight of the other. They stepped forward and clasped hands in front of Willow and she reached out to wrap a length of golden rope around their wrists, tying them together.

Xander stood smiling into Graham's eyes as the priest read the ritual words in deference to Graham's catholic upbringing, as for himself, everything he still believed in was here, within sight and touching distance. He tried hard to pay attention, he really did. But every time he got drawn back into Graham's eyes, starring into the hazel orbs and getting lost in their depths. Not to say he didn't keep an eye on other parts. He also gazed longingly at the full lips, lips that were now curled up in that secret smile that said 'I know what you're thinking, and you can have it, but not until later'. And suddenly he realized just how deeply he'd fallen for this man before him, 'cause Gods help him, he even loved his hair. With a start, Xander realized that everyone was watching him, smiling and chuckling lightly. He turned his attention back to the priest, only to find Willow starring at him with those 'awww' eyes.

Willow took a deep breath and began the ceremony she and Cordelia had been practicing for the last week. "Alexander LaVelle Harris, Graham Marshal Miller, I bind thee here in the presence of the Powers. Hand to hand and heart to heart, may the two never part." With the weight of power in her voice that usually signaled a powerful spell, Willow finished the incantation and backed away. She looked toward Cordelia and nodded for the other woman to step forward.

Cordelia's voice held no power, but it held something else, something Xander couldn't identify, as she began to speak. "Willow has bound you together. I, with the blessing of the Powers, offer you a vision. You both have worked hard, battling evil, fighting the fight, whatever you want to call it, and it was never really your fight to fight. The Powers have seen fit to offer you a reward. I don't know what the reward will be, or when it'll come. But you will both recognize it when you see it. Now, ask me one question, and one only, and you will receive the answer."

Graham looked into Xander's eyes and smiled. "Can I?"

At Xander's nod, Graham turned back to Cordelia and smiled shyly. "Will he be happy?"

Cordelia grinned through her tears as she viewed the vision she was getting. "He'll be happier with each passing day. You both will. Not to say there won't be ups and downs, but through it all, you'll be happy together."

Buffy waited for a moment, watching as Xander and Graham shared their first kiss as a married couple, then stepped forward from her position to Xander's left just as Riley stepped from beside Graham, the two couples stood together for a moment before Buffy announced. "Okay, you're hitched. Where's the cake?"

Everyone laughed at that, the few guests wiping at their eyes and standing to follow the newlyweds into the house. A few laughed out loud, but were quickly hushed by others as they saw Angel's gift to Xander. A paper sign hung from the back of his tux pants that read 'Just Married'.

END