III

Haldir put his goblet back on the table in Denethor's personal library. He studied the maps in front of him, more eager than ever now to leave this land, this castle, this Steward's realm and return home. He had had enough of Denethor and his sons. Their games, their tricks...honey scented skin under his lips, deep blue eyes, laded with passion. How could he have let it go so far?

He closed his eyes, regained his composure and bent over to study the maps from another angle. Careful not to expose his backside to the door or the windows lest he give the Steward and his sons another free taste of his charms. Their eyes seemed to leave their prints on him now, impure, filthy eyes that demanded, never asked.

Auburn curls, sweet breath over sensuous lips. A body that gave in, let itself be molded in to a wound of fresh desire. A longing, an ache, in those eyes. Fluttering lashes on his skin. Scent of leather and lace, nobility, and yet something else. A soft scent, like the fur of a newborn kitten...wild roses; heavy and full of nectar - and the honey...most of all, he smelt of honey.

Haldir shook his head and closed his eyes again. He had to be done with this work so he could return to Lothlorien. Return to the serene presence of his mistress. The calming peace of the Golden Wood. Being among men was not good for him. Especially not these men. These men and their filthy desires.

Like the one that had stirred his own desire the night before. Rock hard and all too willing, attached to a beautifully sculpted body. Strong muscles under fabric. Something he could have had. Haldir unconsciously lifted his index finger to his mouth and bit it gently, let it follow the outline of his mouth while his eyes grew distant. He slipped the finger again in between his parted lips; caught the tip of it lightly between strong teeth before he realized what he was doing. Then he chuckled. So old, yet a slave to his own flesh. It was, after all, rather amusing.

It was also sad to see something as young and delicious as Faramir go to waste in such a family, he thought. He caught himself wishing they had met under different circumstances. Wishing that the boy had other ancestors. That other blood flowed in his veins. That his mind was filled with thoughts other than those of the Steward of Gondor.

Haldir looked up when a tall silhouette suddenly covering the light from the doorframe. Fearing it was Denethor, he put on his most stern expression. It was not.It was Faramir. He stared at the Elf with burning eyes, dark shades cluttered his handsome face and Haldir noticed that he still wore the torn and ripped cloak from the night before.

"You, Elf!" the Man said with a voice that shook with emotion.

"Haldir," Haldir corrected him with a slight smile. Again wondering about Men and their pride.

"Why?" the disturbed young man in front of him demanded to know. Was that tears in his eyes? Surely not. Men of Gondor did not cry...

"Why?" Haldir answered amused. " Didn't you like it?" Haldir's smile grew wider, his eyes sparkled with steel clad mirth.

"You know very well that I did," Faramir said in a hoarse whisper. "What I don't understand is why you did that to me!"

"Did what?" Haldir asked him in a calm voice. "Why I aroused you or why I left you - when you so clearly wanted to keep me there?" A teasing tone in his voice now, taunting the youth in front of him.

Faramir covered his mouth with his hand. Closed his eyes much as Haldir had done just a few moments earlier.

When he spoke again his gaze was clear and his voice more steady:

" I have known men like him all my life! Don't think I haven't had my share of pursuers ...drunken royals and noblemen stumbling in to my chambers at night, sweaty hands on my body... ! Always a stranger at my father's court wanting a part of me...unbidden kisses in the dark. Do not think me an innocent, Elf! But I have always fought them," he continued. "Never have I let them have their way with me. No ambassador nor prince have I ever let come that far..."

Haldir smiled distrusting;

"And I should believe in this honor of yours. Why? Because you so clearly showed me last night how hard you are to convince? A couple of kisses and you were ready to let me have you right then...And yes -More proof: The way your eyes were eating me alive, roaming my body when you thought I didn't see it.My dear boy, I will not wait for more assaults in the dark.I caught you before it went that far...you should be glad...besides, " he added. "I'm not a Man, I'm an Elf!"

Faramir looked at him with a gaze that did not yield. His face was strained. His voice a whisper:

"Is it such a crime to want you? To desire you?" he asked. " I hardly knew it myself, that I did,until last night."

Haldir just looked at him;

" You smell of spent passion, " he said and wrinkled his nose. "Have you seen a lover? Or did you find your release by yourself?" He roamed the miserable Man with his gaze; "I can see you didn't return home last night," he added.

Something surfaced, moved, across the young Man's face. He turned quickly and left the room. His eyes black, his mouth a white line. Clenched jaws, clenched fists.

Haldir wasn't surprised. He gave one last sigh of longing and regret and turned back to look at the maps on the table.

********************

Denethor, his assistant and an advisor had joined him in the Library now.They were looking at the maps together. Trying to decide on the best route for the Gondorian traders, over land or by the river...

"As for the lining fur for your Queen...sorry, Lady, I think you should go see the huntsmen yourselves. It is one day on horseback in all, back and forth. But that doesn't scare *you*, does it?" Denethor asked.

"No," Haldir shook his head and smiled. "But I hope you have someone who that could go with me. Someone who knows the way by heart."

"If I had been young, I'd do it myself," the Steward answered, again he had that look was upon his face. That look that seemed to stick on Haldir's skin. Something red and pulsing that choked him.

"Well," Haldir replied icy. "Since that's not the case. Do you recommend someone else?"

"I would have asked Boromir." The Steward answered. Something almost hopeful in his gaze when it fell on Haldir, "but he rode out with the guard this morning."

A sudden relief struck Haldir to such a degree that he almost lost the conversation that followed:

"My Lord, " the advisor said silently. "Lord Faramir is home, you could ask him to follow the Galadhrim back and forth. He knows the way by heart."

"Now, does he?!" The Steward growled. "When did my youngest son ever go hunting? When did he roam the mountains like his brother? Faramir is a woman...!"

"What?" Haldir's head snapped up in surprise. "What did you say my Lord?"

"Oh! Nothing!" The Steward shook his head.

Haldir's heart started to pound a little faster.

"Are you not happy with your youngest? " Haldir asked carefully and dreaded the answer that he knew had to come after the Gondorian's outburst:

"Faramir?" The Steward expression turned to one of amusement. " Like his mother...soft and fragile like a flower. Always reading. That's how he spends his time! Prefers poetry and old tales to the sword. No, if I hadn't had Boromir, who is a *man*, the future of Gondor would be a dark one indeed..."

The Steward lifted his goblet from the table and drank deeply.

The advisor and the assistant had their eyes respectfully glued to the floor. An insecurity visible on their features now that their Lord spoke of his youngest son.

They like him, Haldir thought. They like the one who is shunned.

"Does Lord Faramir know that you feel this way?" he asked carefully again, deliberately casual. Hoping with his whole heart that Denethor would say no. Not likely though, since he just had cried his shame out to an Elf.

"Yes, of course!" Denethor cried out. " I have tried to harden him in every way possible. Tried to...to make him behave like the son of a Lord, but he,.he doesn't know what that means...he's too gentle...far too much like his mother. She couldn't handle life, too sensitive to everything. She faded here in Minas Tirith." Denethor played with the goblet in his hand. Let his fingers follow the ornaments, the white tree drawn in silver. "No, " he said at last. "It is with Boromir that our hope lies. Faramir was never much compared to his brother...a great disappointment to me, my youngest..." The Steward trailed off.

Haldir knew that all rules of courtesy told him to let the matter rest now;yet he couldn't. A last question throbbed in his mind:

"And Lord Faramir, how does he feel about being this, disappointment, to his father?" his voice cool and gentle. Icy trails of dread rippled through him.

"Faramir?" Denethor asked. " We don't speak much, " he admitted. "He goes his own way. Always angry with me...always hurt over something I have said or done. So delicate, so like a woman! It's been like this all his life. He doesn't take after me at all!. If he didn't look like me, I would have suspected my late wife had engaged in something unseemly. " Denethor laughed. "Why do you ask?" he added. Curious eyes rested on the elf.

Haldir clenched his jaw, much like Faramir had done when he left the library a couple of hours earlier. The boy had meant it, Haldir thought and swallowed hard. Meant it when he said that he was not his father, the words had been said with honesty. And pride.

"No reason, my Lord." Haldir answered. " I am just surprised that you willingly admit that something that comes from you is flawed," he smiled sarcastically, while he cried inside. The Lord shot him a dark glace.

"Shall I ask Lord Faramir, sir?" The assistant broke the silence with a quiet voice.

" Don't ask. Tell him !" Denethor growled. He slammed his goblet down on the table.

Haldir felt slightly ill. He searched for that silent, calm spot inside but couldn't find it. He excused himself from the dark eyed lord who didn't seem to be able to gather himself again after being forced to think about his son.

He left the room with a slight bow and got only a short nod in return from the brooding man. The disappointed father, who stood by the table.

"Haldir, you rash fool!" he told himself. He moved quickly through the corridors towards his room. All these years and still you make such foolish mistakes! All this knowledge, and still...

Haldir covered his face with his hands wearily once he'd entered the room and shut the door. The memory, of honey scented skin, a warm and willing body in his arms, leapt back to life and haunted him.

*********************

"This day will be a long one if you wont talk to me, Faramir," Haldir said and rode up beside the silent youth. They had been traveling for an hour. The young man hadn't said a word just nodded to Elf to greet him and refused to meet his eyes.

Now Faramir shot him a dark glance;

"I thought everything that needed to be said between us was said yesterday." He answered the Elf with hurt and anger in his voice.

Haldir silently wept inside looking at the vulnerability in the boy's eyes. The obvious hurt he could read there. A vulnerability he had abused. He had crushed the young man's pride with his heartless attack and the words that had followed. This whole Gondorian affair had become a nightmare, he thought....Haldir of Lorien had finally been faced with a situation he realized he could not, and did not, handle well.

"Are you afraid of me, Faramir?" he asked. Surprising the boy as well as himself.

"I...think I am," the boy said at last.

"Why?"

They were traveling through woodland, thick forest on both sides of the road. Haldir was relieved to be surrounded by trees again, to have escaped the stony walls of the castle. He would have sung for joy if it hadn't been for the brooding youth beside him. He had to deal with him, he thought. There was no way around it...

Instead of waiting for the boy's reply, Haldir continued speaking:

"Listen to me, Faramir," he said. " I am old, so old that I rarely error in my judgment anymore...but I think I have made a mistake now. If this is so, I will apologize to you."

"You are not sure then?" the boy quickly replied. Gods, he had beautiful eyes, Haldir thought. He decided to cut right to the point;

"How much did you hear much of what happened between myself and your brother the other night?" he asked.

Faramir smiled slightly.

"Enough to know he deserved those wounds..." he said. "As my father did before him..."

"Do you understand how hard it is for me to be chased in the hallways like a blushing maid?" Haldir burst out. " I am no maid, I'm a warrior!" Anger stirred in his voice again. "And to be regarded merely as a bed treat for Men is not..." Haldir trailed off, he still found it hard to deal with these feelings, to pull himself away from the brink of rage.

"I never saw you like that," Faramir said softly.

"Then how *did* you see me?" Haldir asked although he was not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"I saw you as something beautiful," Faramir said. " Something divine..."

"And now?" Haldir continued.

"As something frightening, unpredictable...something that can cut..." the boy trailed off, unable to find the right words, but Haldir understood the meaning, and it was not Boromir's wounds the youth was referring to...

"Why do you think your brother was doing that to me?" Haldir changed his approach. Coming to the matter that lay between them in a different, less painful way.

"Because my father told him to." Faramir said without any expression.

"He is re-living his youth through that boy, isn't he?" Haldir replied.

Faramir smiled.

" Yes, he is," he answered. "I often wish Boromir wasn't so attached to him. That he could see it himself, how wrong it all is..."

"Wrong?"

"Everything my father is too old to achieve himself he makes Boromir do for him, and then he takes great pride in it when the goal is reached...it is not right! Boromir should live his own life."

"Like you do?" Haldir asked softly.

Faramir just smiled;

"Why am I telling you this?" he burst out, weariness in his voice. "You are no friend of mine!"

"Oh, but I am, Faramir. I actually think that I am..."

"You don't aim arrows at your friends, or hold them up against the wall, or make them...feel things!" Faramir said passionately.

" Things?" Haldir asked. "Like desire?"

"Yes," the boy lowered his gaze, he had a sad smile on his lips.

Denethor was right, Haldir thought. The boy *was* extremely sensitive. Wonderfully so...

"Faramir" he soothed. "I am beginning to realize that I maybe deserve a blade to the throat myself for what I did to you... and even though I'm old and not given to mistakes, I do try to make things right when I make one. Do you understand?"

"You're apologizing?" Something bitter flared in the man's eyes.

" Yes, I am." Haldir answered and met the hard gaze of the other. " I am truly sorry for taking my anger out on you, an innocent, when it was your father I was angry with..."

"Not my brother?" Faramir asked surprised.

"No...I don't think there's anything evil or wicked in that boy, I just think he's young. Young and molded by your father's demands. He may turn out to be a good and wise ruler for your kingdom,*if* he learns his lessons...something your father, if I may be so frank, never did."

" I know my father has his flaws..." Faramir tried to explain.

"Do not apologize for loving your father, young one." Haldir interrupted. "You are his son, I don't expect you agree with my opinion..."

"If my father, or brother had done to me what they've done to you, I may have agreed with you..." Faramir confessed.

" But *I* did that to you," Haldir said. " Do you have a low opinion of me now, Faramir...?"

"No!" the boy said in a surprised voice. " But I don't know why...I should have hated you, but I don't..."

" I am glad to hear that," Haldir smiled. "As I am glad to discover that you are nothing like *him*."

"Father?"

"Yes..."

"My father doesn't like me much," Faramir said without passion. "Maybe that is why."

"Maybe," Haldir smiled...admired the way the rays of the sun filtered through the branches and played on Faramir's back. " I liked kissing you," he said spontaneously, regretting it instantly, but then it was too late.

Shock mingled with something hot flashed across the youth's face. Then, something cold and hard, some hurt came to cover it up, swallow it up with bitterness.

"Don't talk about it!" he burst out. "If you want my forgiveness, don't ever talk about it again!"

Haldir nodded, he had made another mistake. He seemed to make a lot of them around this boy. He *wanted* to talk about it. Explain that he had never meant for what had occurred by the archery ground to last so long, to go that far. Why had it gone that far? He had merely wanted to teach the boy a lesson, hadn't he? But then the boy had tasted too good, smelt like honey and had blurred Haldir's senses...

"I thought you were like them," Haldir sighed. "But you are not. I have learnt that from your father, " he added.

" You have heard one of his 'Faramir is a woman' speeches?" the youth said with humor, surprising Haldir by turning to him with laughter in his eyes.

Haldir laughed back;

"It doesn't bother you?" he asked.

" My dear, Elf. " Faramir said. " I may have a soft heart, but I do know my own worth...even if *he* doesn't see it..." Bitterness now sneaking back in to his voice.

" I am glad to hear that," Haldir replied softly. "As I am glad to know you, Faramir of Gondor," He bowed his head in reverence as he said the last words. "It is an honor..." he finished his sentence.

"And I you, Haldir of Lorien," Faramir replied. "Even if my first encounter with an elf turned out to be something...quite different to what I expected." Faramir's lips twitched in an ironic smirk that made Haldir laugh.

"Am I forgiven, then?" He asked.

"We'll see..." Faramir arched his brow and smiled teasingly.

Beautiful, Haldir thought.And I want him!

********************************

It was late night when they finally came back to the Steward's palace in Minas Tirith. They had taken their time, even shared a meal with the huntsmen in their camp. Haldir had taken time also to select the fur, making sure that every piece that went to Lorien was whole and fine.

On the way back they had taken another route, Faramir had entertained Haldir with stories of he and his brother's explorations in these woods. How he had nearly drowned and been saved by Boromir, how Boromir had broken his ankle and Faramir had had to carry him down from a mountain side.

"In this, our people are very much alike, " Haldir smiled when he heard the story. " I too have brothers, and I too have been carried..."

He continued telling Faramir about the Golden Wood and Faramir's hunger for knowledge about the elven realm was bottomless. He asked questions and urged Haldir on every time he took a break.

All in all it had turned out to be a pleasant day for the both of them, they even reached a point where they could rest easy in each other's presence, ride together in a comfortable silence...
When they entered the gates of the palace they were smiling at each other with something close to affection.

When their horses had been taken care of by the stable boy they stood together on the open court yard, neither of them willing to give up the pleasant company of the other just yet.

"Walk with me," Haldir said. "Walk with me in the gardens for a while. The night is warm and beautiful and I haven't seen your gardens yet..." He lied.

"But its dark," Faramir argued.

" And I am an Elf...I need no light." Haldir replied, settling the discussion.

As they walked the garden paths together, Haldir suddenly asked;

"Why are you afraid of me, Faramir? Except for the obvious, my habit of cutting in your relatives, that is...?"

Faramir didn't answer and Haldir looked at him with something almost hopeful in his eyes.

The night truly was beautiful he thought; tiny stars covered the sky and white flowers glowed in the dark. And the boy...the boy! The passionate young man beside him. So much fire and so much ice...

" I would...rather not talk about it, Haldir." Faramir said at last.

They had turned a corner and were almost back by the palace now. Haldir sighed, he didn't want this night to end...

"Do you want me, Faramir?" he whispered. Taking a chance and crossing the line. "Is that what you fear?" he asked him. He turned to face the young man who instantly blushed, a hostile expression sweeping over him.

Suddenly Haldir caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye. A figure moving in one of the windows of the palace, bright light behind him, silhouetting his shape. How long had he stood there?

"Faramir," a sudden, wide smile on the Elf's lips. "I do want to make things right between us," he said and unfastened his cloak.

"What are you doing?" the Man asked, his eyes widening.

"Letting you have...whatever it is you want." The Elf smiled at him with half-closed lids, his fingers working on the lacings of his tunic.

"Gods!" the Gondorian cursed in a whisper. "No!" he continued. "I will not give you another excuse to mock me..."

Haldir bowed his head slightly, his eyes never left Faramir's.

"Most men never get this offer," he said. "And it usually comes but once in a mortal's lifetime." He closed the distance between them and casually slid an arm around the other's waist. "I think you are beautiful," he said to the Man, "and I wish to do to you what your father and brother would do to me. Now, is that such a crime, Gondorian? To want you? To desire you?"





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