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Men shouldn't bother seeking sex with friends

Monday, November 20, 2000

I'm responding to Brendan Nemeth-Brown's column, "Women shouldn't rule out male pals for dating" (Daily Bruin, Viewpoint, Nov. 15). Women will never be able to have sexual relationships with their male friends unless they can release the idea that those men are their brothers.

Once a man has been pigeonholed in such a way, it's hard for him to get out. The only way for him to break from this "friend" trap is to reinvent himself, which is unhealthy anyway, since he will be manifesting an untruthful image of himself. Besides, guys shouldn't believe a woman when she says, "I just want to be friends." It only means she doesn't want to sleep with them.

Furthermore, college women do not want some guy who is caring and sensitive. That's what they say they want, not what their gut tells them to go for. The caring and sensitive man is "friend material" for women. That is, they have been emasculated in the eyes of that woman and might as well be wearing a dress and lipstick.

In the dating world, the word "friend" is tantamount to the word "eunuch." Women instinctually want a strong man, someone who will take care of them. This comes from sublime messages in the media. Men who are aloof, distant, mysterious and somewhat aggressive, yet kind, are most frequently the type that women want. In other words, an unavailable jerk.

The truth is that most women are ambivalent in their desires. In fact, I'd wager that most college-aged women, or girls, haven't got the foggiest clue what they want in a man. That type of information just isn't included in the university curriculum.

Finally, it does not matter if a woman just wants to be friends. Just be her friend and find someone else. Simply have fun with the woman and have sex with someone else. Incidentally, this puts you in the unavailable category, thus more attractive. The main point is if one woman says "no" there will always be another that says "yes." So guys, quit whining and find someone who will have sex with you.

Nielson Hul