Sunday Roast - Sunday Telegraph
Sunday Magazine May 30 2004
RIGHT SAID FRED
For Crown Prince Fredrik, there certainly was something about "our" Mary when he spied her at a Sydney bar. Now, says Wil Anderson, if only Prince William would follow suit
It doesn't seem that long ago you could be arrested for being a Queen in Tasmania, but now it seems everyone's got a bad case of royal fever
Ever since Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark decided there was something about Mary Donaldson, the entire state has not stopped celebrating a wedding that will only ever be surpassed in the eyes of most Taswegians if David Boon marries Reggie from Big Brother.
And it seems the rest of the country's not far behind. Despite it being on in a time-slot normally allocated for infomercials, televangelists and hilarious cult panel shows, the live coverage on SBS managed to attract over one million viewers to watch the girl from the Apple Isle walk down the aisle. (Although many regular SBS watchers were probably hoping they would get a bit of the honeymoon footage, too.)
Meanwhile Channel Seven only managed to attract about 300,000 viewers, although they later admitted it was probably a mistake to delay their coverage and get Hamish and Andy to host it.
Luckily for Seven, the replay on the Saturday got a much more respectable audience of 880,000, so expect to see them launch a whole bunch of new shows in the next couple of weeks including Australian Prince-Stars, and My Royal Rules.
But still the question remains, apart from the oft made assertion that it's every little girl's (and if the stats are correct about 10 per cent of boys) dream to be a Princess, why have Australians been so excited about this wedding?
Well for starters, I think it is because the happy couple seem so down-to-earth. Let's face it, ever since Our Tom left Our Nicole for Someone Else's Penelope, the position of Australia's Favourite Son-In-Law has been wide open, and who better to fill it than a bloke named Fred.
Most Aussies love the idea of a royal couple called Fred and Mary, it's only one small step away from Prince Darren and Princess Sharon.
The fairytale story of how Freddy met Mary is also an inspiration to any girl who has dreamed of going to a bar to meet their prince, only to have the fairytale sour the next morning when they wake up next to Grumpy or Dopey.
Mary grabbed onto her Prince at the Slip Inn Bar in Sydney after the Okympics, and has been wearing him close ever since - much like many of the Olympic volunteers and their uniforms.
Forget Cathy Freeman and her medal, it was Mary who went home with Olympic gold, silver and diamonds. In fact, with the amount of bling-bling Mary has had around her neck lately, she might have to start wearing her tiara backwards and change her name to Puff Mary, M-Do. (But don't be fooled by the rocks that she's got, she's still Mary from the Block!)
Speaking of crown jewels being on full display, my favourite moment of the wedding had to be Mary's kilt-wearing dad John Donaldson doing his best Sharon Stone impression in front of Queen Margrethe as he sat with legs akimbo for most of the ceremony.
This continues that long Australian tradition of dad embarrassing everyone by getting his nuts out at family occasions.
On the plus side, at least Mr. Donaldson avoided that other great Australian tradition of the father of the bride getting really pissed and making an embarrassing speech.
About the only thing that actually disappointed me about the wedding was Australia's present to the happy couple.
While Fred and Mez were busy receiving cars, yachts and a $2.7 million dinner set (which I'm guessing is not for Saturday night Chinese take-away in front of Denmark's Funniest Home Videos) from the rest of the world, the Australian government sent them some Tasmanian trees.
Now unless that was our way of saying we hope on your wedding night you get wood and a root, that's the equivalent of socks and jocks for Christmas. At the very least we could have got them a gift voucher.
But all that aside, and despite the fact as a staunch republican, it saddens me that Denmark is going to have an Aussie head of state before we do, the wedding has been great for Australia, and Australian tourism.
Apparently thousands of Danes have already made inquiries about visiting Tasmania, although that may have something to do with their new tourism slogan: "Come check out our map of Tassie".
Not only has the wedding been a good news story in a time that desperately needs one, but it's also, at least in a small way, made us a player on the world stage. Now if we could just get Thorpey in a spa with the Bush twins, or get Prince William to the Slip Inn.
Return to article index
Return to
mainpage!!
