BUDDHISM: "If s--t happens, it really isn't s--t."

CALVINISM: S--t happens because you don't work hard enough.

CATHOLICISM: S--t happens because you are BAD.

CEREMONIAL MAGIC: I can make s--t Happen.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: S--t is only in your mind.

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say: "s--t happens."

EXISTENSIALISM: What is this s--t anyway?

FUNDAMENTALISM: BIG s--t will happen... SOON!

HARE KRISHNA: S--t happens Rama Rama.

HEDONISM: There's nothing like good s--t happening.

HINDUISM: This s--t happened before.

ISLAM: "If s--t happens, it is the will of Allah."

JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: Let us save you from the s--t.

JUDAISM: Why does s--t always happen to US?

MOONIES: Only happy s--t really happens.

MORMONISM: If s--t Happens, you have two wives to blame it on.

NEW AGE: Visualize no s--t happening.

PAGANISM: S--t is a part of the Goddess too!

PROTESTANTISM: S--t won't happen if I work harder.

QUAKERS: "No s--t here, please."

RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke some s--t.

SANTERIA: S--t Happens to your goat.

SATANISM: Sneppah T--s.

SCIENTOLOGY: Feces Occurs.

STOICISM: S--t is good for me.

SEVENTH DAY ADVENTISTS: No s--t on Saturdays.

TAOISM: S--t happens.

TELEVANGELISM: Send money or s--t will happen to you!

WICCANISM: "Oh s--t, I got that spell wrong again."

YAWEHS: S--t Happens to white folks.

ZEN: What is the sound of s--t happening?

ZOROASTRIANISM: S--t happens half the time.

Copyright 2002, Looking Deeper Magazine