THE BIG HEIST.......by Coralynn

Penelope looks around her new bedroom, "Man! This room is a lot nicer than the one I had at Sally's house. Thanks for letting me move in with you, WandaSue."
"Glad to have the company, Penny. Say, what do you have in that big black briefcase you keep opening?"
"I keep opening it to make sure what I think is in there really is in there. This is a real coup! I guess I can tell you, since you're as ticked off with Rose as I am. This is going to set her career back.....way back."
Penelope opens the briefcase and WandaSue examines the contents, then remarks, "WOW! The master copy of the mini-series! WOW, how did you pull this off, and why?"
"First off, my producer, Alan Kershaw, is furious at Marty Henshaw for getting the jump on him. Alan wanted to produce this film, but did he get to? Nooooooo! Marty is a slick operator, and managed somehow to win the job."
"So you stole the master copy! How slick is that! But how did you pull it off?"
"Since we had a short day out there on the set, and Marty was distracted, I slipped into the tech room and grabbed this baby. It was so easy!"
"But Penny, they could have made back-up copies!"
"Not if what I think I heard Marty say was true. I overheard him tell one of the tech guys that tomorrow they'd better run off copies, which means......as of right now, this is the only one."
"Marty is going to have a fit when he finds out!"
"Oh yeah, for sure. Tomorrow morning oughta be a real laugh fest for me, WandaSue, but you and I have to keep a straight face, pretend we have no idea what happened!"
"You are incredible!" WandaSue remarks.
"Right you are, kid! I don't think Sally would be capable of appreciating what I just pulled off, so I moved here just in time."
"Ya know, Penny, the one drawback is that Sally is the only one of us with a time travel coin. So if we wanna GO someplace, we have to get her help. She didn't look any too happy when you moved out and I'm thinking she might not wanna be our friend anymore."
Penelope laughs, "For her, we're IT, who else is she going to have for friends anyhow? Certainly not that gang that lives on Winding Willow!"
"True, true. Hey, Penny, does this mean Marty has to start filming all over again from the git-go?"
"That would be my guess!" Penelope smirks, "And you talk about going over budget and not meeting time deadlines! This oughta make the whole production blow up in his face."
"So Rose and John don't get to be big movie stars now, huh?"
"Not if this mini-series gets scrapped, and scrapped it will get!" Penelope says with pride. "Hey, I'm famished! Got any food in this joint?"
"I thought you'd never ask," WandaSue says as she walks into the kitchen and opens the freezer compartment, "One midnight snack comin' up!"


HITS THE FAN.......by Coralynn

The road out to the Montgomery ranch, where most of the mini-series is being filmed, is slippery this morning as Eleanor, Rose, Bess and Marthy slowly make their way to that destination.
Turning into the long driveway, the car fishtails but Eleanor gets it under control, exclaiming, "I hate driving on ice!"
Bess, who has been clinging to the armrest in the back seat, releases her death grip on it as they finally arrive in the area set off as a parking lot.
"Hey, what's going on over there?" Rose asks. They all look where she's pointing, and see Marty Henshaw with what appears to be everyone working on the film in a large group listening to him rant.
As they walk closer, they begin to hear him. "I want to know who TOOK it! Now, if you come clean and return the master copy to me right now I may fire you from the project, but I won't press charges. What's it gonna be, folks?"
One of the extras, a thin girl in a coat that was never meant for temps in the 20s, calls out, "If I'm not the thief, can I go inside and get warm, Mr. Henshaw?"
He walks over to her and frowns down at her earnest, upturned face. "Who said you aren't, though, little missy? You had the same opportunity to swipe it as anyone else!"
The four women approach the scene of the interrogation and look at Marty questioningly.
"What's the problem, Marty?" Rose asks.
"Someone stole the master copy of the mini-series!" he says, half in anger and half in fear, "Now we have to start over at square one!"
"We have to shoot all that film again?!" Eleanor is aghast.
"YES!" Marty yells, "Hey, over there, you extras!! Where do you think you're going?"
WandaSue yells back, "Inside, that's where! We're freezin' out here."
"NO one goes inside until someone confesses!" Marty yells through a megaphone, "Get back in line over there, you tech people! No one is above suspicion."
Rose touches Marty's coat sleve and gently suggests, "Couldn't you hold this interrogation inside just as well as out here, Marty?"
"No. The colder they get, the sooner I flush out the guilty party!"
Just then they all see Henry2 emerge from the building that houses the sets, carrying a cup of coffee and a donut, which he's holding between his teeth.
"HEY!" Hotspur calls out, "Why does he get to go inside?"
"Because he has an alibi. He was with me the whole time, that's why!" Marty answers as if it were self-evident.
"But you said NO one was above suspicion!" one of the extras yells.
"No one but Henry. Now, do any of the rest of you have air-right alibis? I'd be interested in hearing them if you do."
This is ridiculous!" Eleanor tells him as she walks toward the building. Rose follows, then after a few minutes of indecision, Bess and Marthy follow as well.
"HALT!" Marty calls out to them, but they continue walking and are soon inside the heated building.
All the others assembled out in the cold become restive and talk amongst themselves. Marty reaches for the megaphone again, "Don't get any fancy ideas, folks. You are not excused!"
The genearl buzzing among them continues, then, as if with a single mind, they walk toward the parking lot where they have left their cars.
"Where do you think you're going?!" Marty uses the meagphone, yelling through it as loudly as one can when one's voice is beginning to crack from all the freezing air rushing over the vocal cords every time one takes a breath.
Marty continues to rant, but his only answer comes in the form of 30 car engines all starting up simultaneously.
They roar out of the parking lot in a steady stream, up the long driveway, and turn right or left onto the highway, depending on where they live.
"Well now, isn't that a nice kettle of fish?" Marty says in a defeated tone.
But no one answers him, as no one hears.....the people who haven't driven away are now all inside the heated building eating donuts and drinking coffee.

Before he gets a chance to enter the building himself, Marty sees a car speeding up the driveway toward the parking lot. A few minutes later, Jack leaps from the car, running over to where Marty is standing.
"Sorry I'm late!" Jack says as he tries to catch his breath.
"I'm sorry to say, but production has been cancelled for the day," Marty tells him.
"Why?"
"Seems the master copy, the only copy of the filming so far as been stolen!"
Jack reaches into the large patch pocket on the front of his jacket and pulls out what looks for all the world to be the missing copy. Marty can't believe it, Jack stole it? But why?
"Jack! I'm amazed and disappointed that you stole it. What were you thinking, man?"
"I didn't steal anything. I simply ran off a copy yesterday afternoon when George got so sick we had to stop. The master copy should still be in the production room; this is my copy."
He hands it to Marty, who examines it and declares, "You're right! This is a copy. I had the other one labeled and this one doesn't have that same label. Jack, my boy," he says happily as he puts his arm around the other man's shoulder, "You have just saved this mini-series! You're a hero! This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"
Jack laughs, "I was just doing my job, Marty."
"Well, then, you shall be promoted, I'll see to that! You'll be the head technician on the rest of the filming. You will also receive triple the salary we were paying you. How about that?"
Jack is nonplussed, "Hey, I accept!"
They walk into the building together, where the cast members are still assembled, having a late breakfast snack.
"PEOPLE!" Marty calls out, "Jack made a copy of the master and we've been saved from having to do it all over again! I just made Jack head technician, too. I want to personally thank you, Jack, and I'm sure the others in the crew and cast will want to do so as well."
Marthy runs up to Jack, throwing her arms around him, "Jack! I love you!"
"Yes, and, for that matter, so do I!" Marty says with gusto, "Now tomorrow we roll 'em again thanks to you."

MEANWHILE:

Penelope waits while the phone rings at Alan Kershaw's office. A woman with a high, whiny voice, answers, "Alan Kershaw's office, how can we help you?"
"I wish to speak to Mr. Kershaw," Penleope answers.
"What is the nature of your call?" the whiny voice asks.
"I have something important for him," Penelope explains.
"What is it?"
"Look, lady, this is big, this is huge, Alan will want to talk to me about it. Now, are you going to put me through to him or not?!"
"Who's calling?"
"Penelope Patterson. Tell him I have something for him that will knock his socks off.
"One moment," the voice says, as Penelope hears her call being put on hold. She taps her foot impatiently. Why doesn't Alan hire someone with an IQ above room temperature? Can't the ninny tell that this is important?
The voice comes back on, "Alan says he has five minutes before he has to leave for an important meeting, but he will talk to you for that long........" Penelope hears her patch her call through, and Alan's voice comes on, "Penelope!" he begins in his best phony-baloney voice, "Long time no see. What's this my secretary tells me? You have something important?"
"Yes! I have the master copy, the only copy, of the mini-series "Time and Chance," and I'm willing to part with it for 125 K. Interested?"
"Hmmmmmm," she hears and can see in her mind's eye that he's probably stroking his chin, grinning like a Cheshire cat, pretending to have to think it over.
"Can you bring it in this morning?" he asks casually, hiding his enthusiasm. "You bet! Is the price right, because I'm not schepping this thing all the way into Manhattan if it isn't."
"Very possibly, very possibly," Alan says in his best droll tone.
"See you in an hour then," she says, "I would suggest you cancel that very important meeting your secretary told me you have to leave for in five minutes. You'll be glad you did!" she clicks off.
"Well?" WandaSue has been listening attentively to the part of the phone call she could hear.
"I think he's on board!" Penelope smiles smugly, "I'm going to his office now. Wanna come?"
WandaSue grabs her coat and is half way out the door before Penelope comments, "It might look better if you put on shoes, WandaSue.......those bedroom slippers aren't going to win any award for fashion."
"OH!" WandaSue runs into her room and is back out within 20 seconds, at which time they both exit the apartment with dollar bills dancing in their eyes.


LET THE CHIPS (AND ROSAMOND) FALL WHERE THEY MAY!....by Terri

John walked into the gym and into his office. He flipped through the mail. Bill, bill, bill, pre-approved, junk, advertisement, insurance, bill, bill, bank statement...like a mantra, he thought. He threw it down on the desk, sat in his chair and leaned back.
Some ugly stuff was trotted out at New Years. Was it really truth serum? Or just some idle talk? Did I really switch the pills around? Not that it matters, I wouldn't mind having another rugrat around. Maybe a boy this time...
Daniel came into the office. "So....you are only about an hour late!" he said.
John sat up and opened his protein shake. "I had to meet Rosamond for lunch. It ran a bit over."
Daniel sat on the edge of the desk. "Uh huh. Wish I had a lunch date like that. Oh, by the way...the seven o'clock aerobics class? Brad can't make it. Think you can get Rose to fill in?"
"Maybe. I'll be glad when that mini-series is done. Nice New Year's Eve party, wasn't it, Daniel?"
Daniel shrugged. "I don't know. I left before midnight."
John continued to look at his brother. "I heard the Halloween party was pretty lively, too. If you remember, I was laid up with a gunshot wound for that one. Couldn't get out of bed."
Daniel said, "Yeah, I remember. You missed a helluva party."
John said, "Yes. I heard I did." And with that, he punched Daniel in the jaw. Daniel fell against the wall.

Outside, Slim said to Rafe. "What was that banging noise?"
Rafe shrugged. "Guess the Gwinnett twins are going at it again!"
Slim nodded knowingly. "Ah...the New Year's Eve party!"

Daniel rubbed his jaw. "Just what the hell was THAT for?"
John said, "Putting the moves on my wife at that Halloween party."
Daniel moved his jaw back and forth to make sure it wasn't broken. He said darkly, "She knew what she was doing. Anything else she told you is a lie!"
John said, "Stay away from her. Far away. I still own 65% of this outfit. You and your 35% can be bought out. Or failing that, bounced out. And I will be prepared to sue you in a court of law, Daniel. Savvy?"
Daniel opened his mouth wide and moved his jaw. Seems OK..."Yeah, yeah, I get it. But why blame me? I wasn't the only one involved. SHE kissed ME back."
John sat back down in his chair, put his feet on the desk and leaned back. "Yes. I know. Now. I have to arrange an aerobics instructor. And I see your next appointment standing there looking afraid and bewildered of all the machines. Better get to it before they get scared off."
Daniel slammed the office door.
John picked up the phone. "Rose? Can you get down here and take the 7:00 PM aerobics class?....no, Brad had to cancel out....look, I don't ask you for much, do I?....because I'm really stuck here...no, I'll be stuck here until 9:00...make it around 6:00."

Rosamond stood there holding the phone with a hurt look on her face. Bethia was cutting a pumpkin in half and putting it in the oven. "Ahhh...nothing like a fresh pumpkin pie for dessert! What's the matter, Rose?"
Rose hung the phone up and said bewildered, "It was John. He wanted me to take the 7:00 PM aerobics class. He--he was pretty abrupt about it. Really short-tempered. And he didn't even say goodbye!"
Bethia said, "Maybe he has a lot on his mind. He's trying to run the gym, he's got a full schedule acting, he's adjusting to marriage and children..."
Rose interrupted. "Has he said anything to you, Bethia? Is he complaining about me?"
Bethia hedged, "No, no, Rose, he hasn't said a thing to me about it.."
Bethia worded herself carefully because she knew that John had confided things in Roger but Roger was a man of his word and would not break John's confidence.
Rose exploded. "Like I don't have a full schedule either? I am on hiatus from the soap, I am starring in a miniseries, trying to raise two children, one of them an infant, I might add..."
Rose ran from the room suddenly. She leaned over the commode and got sick. She sat on the floor, her head in her hands. No...no, I can't be..it's all in my head...
She brushed her teeth and walked shakily down the stairs. Bethia said, "Rose, you OK?"
Rose said, "Sure. I just thought I heard the water running upstairs. I had taken a shower earlier and wasn't sure I turned the water off. Why wouldn't I be alright? I can't think of a single reason, can you?" Her voice got higher in pitch.
Bethia laid her hand on Rose's arm. "Calm down. I didn't mean anything by it."
Rose grabbed her coat. "Celeste is watching the kids. Will is in his room doing his homework. Kindergarteners have homework now. I'll be back as soon as I can. Believe me, I'm not going to hang around that gym and Mr. Testosterone any more than I have to tonight."
Bethia said, "Are you talking about John or Daniel?"
Rose fished in her purse for her keys. "Is there a difference anymore?" and walked out of the house.

Rosamond pulled into the lot at the gym and reached behind the seat for her gymbag. She pulled her coat a little tighter around her. Yep, it's January in New York, that's for sure! She stomped the snow off her boots and walked into the locker room at the gym. EMPLOYEES ONLY That's me. She hung her coat up and slipped into one of the stalls to change her clothes. Thank you, John, for at least having the heat on in here. Rose shivered still as she put on her stretch pants and leotard.
She was lost in thought when she stood before the mirror and put her hair in a ponytail.
"Lookin' good, Sugar!" She gazed at the reflection behind her. Cooly she said, "Daniel."
He sat down at the table in the locker room and pulled out his tuna fish sandwich. "Ah, pure protein! Nothing like it in the world! I see you are taking over the 7:00 aerobics class."
Rose said, "So what if I am? I wish I was anywhere but here!" Daniel opened his bag of chips. "Want some?"
Rose turned a little green. "No, thank you. Some health food diet, Daniel. Better not let the clientele see it."
Daniel popped open a Dr. Pepper. "I should think you'd be thrilled to spend some quality time with hubby."
Rose's laugh was hollow. "Yeah. Quality time. Any problems we are having right now I can point to you."
Daniel raised his eyebrow. "I wasn't the one who spilled my guts on the Halloween smacker you laid on me! It was YOU!"
Rose walked over, knocked Daniel's hand and all the chips scattered all over the floor.
Rose's eyes were burning a hole in him. Daniel stared back at her. "Feel that, honey? That's electricity in the air. Happens any time we're together!"
Rose deliberately stepped on his potato chip bag as she walked out of the locker room.
Daniel called out, "Let the chips fall where they may!"
Rose muttered something a lady shouldn't and Daniel said, "What was that, sweetheart?" and laughed.

She grabbed a warm-up jacket and knocked on John's door.
"Come in."
She opened it and found John staring out into the black night from his window.
"I'm here. Just like you demanded."
John said, "Thank you. I appreciate it."
Rose sat down. "How long are you going to hold that Halloween incident against me, John? If anyone should be mad, it's me. Playing such an underhanded trick on me, just to keep me under your thumb."
John said, "I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. It's not you, it's me."
Rose sat down. "Do you want to talk about it?"
John sighed. "Maybe later. I see your class gathering, you'd better go." Rose stood up quickly and started to her class. She made a stop at the bathroom and put cold cloths on her forehead to calm her down and stop the rising flow of panic and nausea. Maybe I'd better call Roger--and soon.

Rose walked into the gym. Front and center was Moose. He was grinning from ear to ear. Rose exclaimed, "MOOSE! I almost didn't recognize you!" Moose said proudly, "That's because I lost 70 lbs! Thanks to John's guidance!"
Rose said, "He never told me. Matter of fact, he doesn't hardly tell me anything anymore."
There was a silence in the aerobics room. Rose snapped herself out of it before the silence grew too long. She looked over. Next to Moose was her worst nightmare. Well, not her worst...but maybe in the top two. Travis McGee.

Rose led the group through warm-up stretches and into some high energy aerobics. Travis was there, following along. He kept staring at Rosamond when he thought she wasn't looking. He had a hum in his blood and he felt as if he had swallowed a bee. He started humming "Kiss from a Rose". He began to think to himself, 'let's see, if she gets a divorce, we can get married by the spring and then we can go to the policeman's benevolent ball together....I'm sure Mom and Dad won't mind if we move into my room..I'll have to move all those trophies...wonder if she would mind being a policeman's wife....and we can get custody of her children, I'd look like a real hero in her eyes....didn't she say she had never been kissed so passionately in her life before?....that's because she is realizing that she's been married to losers, first that cowboy and then that drug-dealer...isn't that the reason she was on the streets?...that stuff usually goes hand in hand with drugs....I think that was in those Matthew Scudder books by Lawrence Block....Matthew Scudder ends up with a woman he rescued from the streets...of course, I have to hide those books from Mom under my bed....'

"HEY! We need some help here!" Moose yelled. Travis snapped out of his reverie.
Moose yelled, "Rose has fainted! Give her room!"
Travis pushed his way to the front. "Room, nothing! She needs mouth to mouth resusitation."

Travis pushed his way to the front. Moose stood there cradling Rose's head and patting her gently on her cheeks. "Rose? Spandex Goddess? Come back to me! You can't leave us! YOU CAN'T DIE!!"
Travis assumed his most authoritative voice. "Stand back! I'm a policeman trained in CPR!"
Moose dropped Rosamond's head with a thud. He held his hands up. "Have at it, Officer...dude!"
Travis put his lips on Rosamond's and gently blew into her mouth. Just like Snow White and Prince Charming...

Travis felt someone pulling him back. It was John. "OK, Let's give her some room... Rose? Rose, darling....." he put some smelling salts under her nose.
She coughed and opened her eyes. "Wh-what happened?"
John waved everyone back. He helped her to a sitting position. Rose rubbed the back of her head. "Ow! My head hurts! Did I hit the floor?" Moose skulked a few feet back. John said, "Anyone want to tell me what happened?"
Moose ventured forward. "She had us touch our toes and she just kept on going. Is she going to be OK, John?"
John said, "Yes, she'll be OK. Moose? Want to take over the class?"
Moose beamed, "ME?"
John picked Rose up in his arms. Over his shoulder, he said, "Why not? You've been in this class for the last six months. Go for it!"
Moose got to the front and yelled, "OK, YOU DOG-FACES! LISTEN UP! THIS AIN'T NO BOY SCOUT CAMP!..." John heard as he closed the door to the aerobics room.
Rose was carried into John's office. Daniel stood there and watched as John closed the door to the office. He said to himself. "Class called off on account of...whatever!"

John put Rosamond on the couch in his office and covered her with a blanket. He went into his refrigerator and opened some Gatorade. He poured some in a cup and propped Rose's head up and gave her a few sips. He asked, "Want to tell me what that was all about?"
Rose leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "I didn't have dinner. I didn't have much lunch, either."
John was exasperated. "You know you are supposed to eat some carbs before a workout. And keep hydrated. I can tell by looking at you that you are dehydrated. You want to end up like Karen Carpenter?"
"Who?"
"Never mind. You could have really hurt yourself. What are you trying to do?"
Rose threw the blanket off. She stood up. "I'm sorry! Next time I decide to faint, I'll do it when it will make you look better."
She stood there and swayed.
John grew alarmed. "You OK?"
Rose turned and hurried into the bathroom next to John's office. When she came out, she was a nice shade of green. Not pea green...more of an avocado. With a touch of yellow. John sat down at his desk. His face registered alarm. "Oh no."
Rose sat down and said miserably, "Oh yes."
"You sure?"
"No. I'm not sure. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" She burst out crying. John stood there ashamed of himself. "I guess I really DID switch them around. Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry! I honestly didn't think I did it. It must have that night I took that muscle relaxer.." "...and washed it down with scotch."
Rose flopped back on the couch. "I started throwing up this morning."
"Maybe it's the flu."
"Maybe."
"Just lie there for a bit. I'll get Daniel to close up and then I'll take you home. Leave your car here, we'll get it tomorrow."

John looked out the door. The aerobics class was filing out. Men were crawling on their hands and knees in search of Gatorade and electrolytes. Moose stood there pleased with himself. Travis was the last one out the door, crawling. Moose planted his foot on Travis' butt and pushed him down. "OK DOGFACE! NEXT TIME I SAY HUSTLE, I MEAN IT, YOU PANTYWAIST!"
Travis feebly tried to pull his badge out of his gym shorts but Moose barked, "That don't cut nothing with me! When we are in that classroom, your ass is MINE!!"
Travis stood slowly and nodded, in a daze. He headed for the locker room. Moose dusted his hands off and he knocked on John's door. He was sweating profusely. Moose asked, "How's Rosamond?"
John invited him in and Moose saw Rose on the couch covered up. "Goddess, you OK?"
Rose smiled at him and then shot John a dagger look. "Yes, I will be...eventually!"
John said, "Moose, you did a great job!"
Moose beamed. "Thanks! It was pretty easy! Now, I have to go home and get a goodnight's sleep. I have ANOTHER job interview tomorrow!"
John said, "Job interview?"
Moose said, "Yeah. They laid me off at my job. Too many computer designers for software now."
John asked, "What are you doing now?"
Moose patted his stomach. "Trying to get in shape. Hey, there's always World Championship wrestling!"
John said, "Would you be interested in doing the 7:00 aerobics every night that we have them? From the looks of the 'dogfaces' you did any outstanding job."
Moose looked astonished. "You serious?"
John said, "Why not? You are living proof that hard work and diet pay off. You are here every day. You may as well get paid for it. Brad has been goofing off. I'll give you his class. He can do the morning class and if he doesn't like it and quit, so be it!"
Moose grinned from ear to ear. "You got a deal!"
John shook his hand and said, "Welcome aboard, Moose! What's your real name?"
"Hutchins. Matthew Hutchins."
Moose turned to Rosamond. "That OK with you if I take over your job, Goddess?"
Rosamond smiled, "Have at it, Moose!"
Moose laughed, "Just so the guys don't expect to see ME in spandex!"
He gave a thumbs up and left the gym.

Rose said quietly, "That was a nice thing to do, John."
John shrugged, "It's defeating for a man to be out of work. I know you don't really like doing this job."
Rose said, "It's not that I don't like it, I just don't like being emotionally blackmailed, John."
John said, "I'm sorry."
Rose stood up. "Why don't you take me home now. I don't want anyone knowing about this. It's possible I'm not. But not a word until we know for sure."
John said, "I'll let Daniel know I'm leaving."
John came back in five minutes. He had Rose's coat and boots. He helped her on with her coat. Very solicitous and concerned. And let's face it-----it's the LEAST he could do.


AWWWW SHUCKS!.......by Coralynn

WandaSue and Penelope walk into WSue's apartment, in a celebratory mood.
"I have 150 thousand smackers to spend any way I want!" Penelope says cheerfully. "Plus Miss snooty Rose doesn't have a mini-series to star in any more. A win-win if you ask me!"
"I have ta hand it to ya, Penny, you have an evil mind, just like mine!" WandaSue laughs as she goes to her answering machine which is blinking like crazy.
"A message! Pray tell who would be phoning me? Prince Charles, who's finally come to his senses and kicked that ugly Camilla out to the street and now wants me to be his consort? The way things have been going, I wouldn't be at all surprised!" she pushes the button and hears:
"Production begins on "Time and Chance" tomorrow morning, same time, same place. We have another copy of the film and it will be proceeding from there. You can all thank Jack Stewart for this happy outcome." *click.*
"WHAT?!" Penelope explodes, "They had another copy? We have to keep filming? RATS! Wait till Alan Kershaw find out about this! He'll have a conniption! He bought that master copy in good faith, so now another one shows up?"
"Awww, cool yer jets, Penny, you didn't know that when you sold it to him. Besides, he could still do something creative with it......"
The phone rings.
WandaSue picks up. "Yes, she is here, who's calling please?"
She hands the phone off to Penelope, whispering, "It's Alan."
Penelope's hands begin to sweat as she says into the receiver, "Hello, Alan. Can I help you?" then stands back as his angry voice yells, "YOU LIED!"
"I most certainly did not!" she says, truthfully. "Look, Alan, I had no idea there was another copy. How did you find out about it? We just found out this very minute from the answering machine...........ohhhh....you have spies in the cast........uh huh.......well, c'est la vie!!.......ouch! Stop yelling!.........look, there must be something you can do with the film........uh huh........uh huh......now, that sounds creative. Go for it!........right.......porno flicks are very lucrative I hear.......OK, good......well, it's been nice doing business with you........very good......bye!"
She hangs up and wipes her right hand over her forehead and flicks imaginary perspiration onto the floor. "He said he's going to turn it into a porno flick! Can you beat that with a stick?!"


THE GWINETTS OF SOMERSET......by Terri

Do you want to stop and grab a bite to eat, honey?"
Rose nodded. "I think I'd feel better if I did."
John asked, "What sounds good to you?"
"Something homemade. Something hot. With fresh bread."
They pulled into a little country restaurant on the other side of town. They ordered meatloaf.
"Mmm! This really hits the spot!" Rose said.
John said quietly, "Rose? I-I'm really sorry."
Rose stirred her mashed potatoes around. "I know you are. It's just that it doesn't help me at the moment. If I am, we will deal with it. I know you wanted more children."
John said, "Yes, but only when you are ready."
Rose said, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Eleanor called, we start taping tomorrow. I'll be SO glad when this is over!"
John held her hand and said, "Me too, honey. In more ways than one."

They got home, said goodnight to William and Celeste and checked in on the kids. Sound asleep. John asked, "I don't suppose you have had a chance to check on the house, have you?"
Rose slid under the covers and said, "The marble floor went down this week in the foyer. And the tile is being laid in the kitchen. The cabinets and appliances are going in sometime in the next two weeks."
John punched his pillow up. He reached over and turned the light off. In the dark, Rose said, "Do you want to tell me what's made you so preoccupied lately, John?"
"Hmmm? Oh..oh, nothing. Let's get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow and so do you."
Rose yawned. "That I do. Unless I spend half my morning throwing up my breakfast." John asked, "Why is it you got sick with Julie and not Will?"
Rose said, "Maybe your kids make me sick."
Dead silence. "It was a joke, darling."
John said, "Oh." and laughed lamely. He said, "Sometimes I wish my mother could see Julie and Will. She's be very pleased. In fact, she'd be delirious. Spoil the kids rotten. I would have liked her to know Julie was named after her. I guess I was always her favorite one. Daniel was a lot of pressure for her. Always got into trouble."
Rose was half asleep. "Mmm hmm..."
John kissed her goodnight and said softy, "Goodnight, 'goddess'. I love you." But by that time Rose was asleep.

About 3:00 AM, John bolted upright in the bed and tried to catch his breath. Rose woke up with a start. "JOHN! Are you alright?"
John fell back against the pillows. "Yeah. I haven't been sleeping very well. I keep.."
"Keep what?"
"Never mind."
"John, you woke me up. The least you can do is tell me what is going on. You have been tossing and turning for the last week. Ever since we took Will to see that Pirate movie. Don't tell me the skeletons are giving you nightmares!"
John was quiet. He sat up and reached for his robe. "I'm going downstairs for some brandy. See if that can help me sleep."
He went downstairs and in the dark, poured himself some cognac from the sideboard. He sat in the leather chair opposite the fireplace and watched the flames dance. Why can't I stop dreaming about them? What does it mean?

Rose laid in bed for about twenty minutes and then sighed, grabbed her robe and slipped it on. She tiptoed quietly into the living room and put her hand on John's shoulder. He jumped a mile.
"John, come back to bed. It's 3:30 and we both have to get up early."
John looked around. "It's quiet here at 3:30. Something about this room..."
Rose knelt in front of him. "Something is troubling you. I think you should talk about it. Maybe it will stop the dreams."
John drained his glass. "It's stupid. Why should I think about things from over 400 years ago?"
"Four hundred years ago? Something that happened to you?" Rose said, concerned.
John sat there and rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't know. It's been..disjointed. I keep seeing flashes of my life in England. My childhood. Kind of like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that I am trying to put together and get the big picture."
Rose said, "There's been a lot going on in your life, John. Do you think you are trying to search for something? Find some part of your life that you haven't resolved?"
Rose walked over to the cedar chest and pulled out a big wool blanket. She poured herself a glass of brandy and refilled John's glass. "Here."
She covered him up and then slipped under the blanket next to him. He put his arms around her and she leaned back against his chest. They sat in silence and watched the flames in the fireplace dance. Neither of them said anything.
Finally, Rosamond said, "John, you have never told me anything about your parents. Except their names. All I know of your family is that you had an older brother Charles and a few sisters. Lord knows I know more than I ever wanted to about Daniel. Your mother's name is Julia and the only reason I know that is because you wanted to name Julie after her. Don't you think it's about time you told me about your family?"
John said, "I suppose so. Maybe tomorrow. Don't you have to go to sleep for an early day?"
Rosamond said, "I don't have any scenes until 10:00. What about you?"
"I have to be at the gym by 9:00 for a delivery."
Rose said, "So we've already blown a good night's sleep. Please. Tell me about my in-laws."
John laughed. "In-laws. At least you won't have in-law problems since your in-laws have been dead for the past 400 years."
Rose snuggled up next to him. "Go ahead. Tell me. I need to know what kind of stock you come from!"
John said, "OK, let' see. Where shall I begin?"
Rose said, "It's always best to start at the beginning..."

John leaned back and sipped his brandy. He had his arm around Rose and rubbed her neck. "Ah, my family. Not much to tell, actually. My dad is Sir James Gwinnett, a landowner of a considerable estate in Somersetshire in southwest England. My mother is Julia Stafford of Cornwall. Charles is the son from my father's first marriage. His wife died in childbirth. He married my mother three years later. Charles--ah, where do I begin? Charles was fun. A typical big brother. We loved him. Then there was Daniel and me. Did I ever tell you about Daniel?"
Rose turned around and slapped him playfully on the cheek. "Don't joke around! Continue, my love!"
John took another sip of his brandy.
"What are you two doing up so late?" Celeste was standing in the doorway.
Rose said, "Celeste, don't you ever sleep?"
She said, "Not when I sense a disturbance in the energy force of my household!"
John said, "I couldn't sleep so I came downstairs to unwind. Rose came down to check on me."
Celeste said doubtfully, "Uh huh. Don't try to pull one over on me, John Gwinnett! Goodnight."
"Goodnight, 'Mom'!"
Rose said, "Go on."
John said, "There were my three sisters, Katherine, Isabel and Cecily. Three beauties. They married well. Katherine and Isabel each married a Duke's son, Cecily married a poet. She married for love. She's a bit like Daniel."
"Do they look like you?"
"Charles is very fair. Like Dad. Mom had dark brown hair and hazel eyes. She was beautiful. Katherine looked like Dad, too, Isabel and Cecily looked like Mom."
Rose stroked John's cheek. "And where does this handsome face come in? A combination of the two?" John shrugged. "Daniel and I must be throw-backs to some ancestor a few generations back. I guess we don't resemble our parents. At least not directly."
Rose said, "You miss them, don't you?"
John said, "Yes. Especially now that I have a family. I know Mother would like you. Except she's a very proper English Lord's wife. Everything according to proper etiquette. She and Dad got along quite well. She was from Cornwall originally."
"Cornwall. Ah, Land's End. I've never been there."
"My mother never returned there. I never saw my grandparents. I think they were still alive but Mother never mentioned them. My grandfather was Earl of Cornwall, I think. Mother sometimes would sit in the garden and look out towards the sea. We had an estate that bordered the sea. Sometimes she would get a faraway look in her eyes. Like she was in a different place that none of us could touch."

Rose asked, "Did she and your grandparents have a falling out? Maybe she married your father over her parents' objections. How romantic!"
John laughed. "You're ever the romantic, aren't you, love? Maybe I'm just missing them. Now that I have a family. You and Katherine and Isabel would get along well. Cecily would be jealous of you."
"Why?"
"Because you married her favorite brother! Oh, don't fret--Cecily did alright for herself.
Actually he was an understudy of one of William Shakespeare's protegees. And his parents had money so he had the luxury of playwriting and an income. Cecily--she's a female Daniel! But I loved her!"
Rose yawned. "Tell me about your father."
John yawned too. "Not much to tell. Sir James Gwinnett. Highly respected. Money to burn. Loved and cherished his wife and children." Rose pulled the blanket closer to her. "What did he say when you and Daniel decided to relocate to the New World?"
John sighed and stroked Rosamond' s hair. She laid her head on his shoulder.
"Two words. NOT HAPPY! He argued with us and pleaded with us and offered to set us up in property that he had in another county. Charles would get the manor and the estates in Somerset. But we had the hair-brained idea of adventure. Finally he threw his hands up and said, 'I can see there is nothing I can do to stop the two of you, is there?' and Daniel and I both said, 'no'."
Later, as I was passing the hallway, I heard Father say to Mother, 'They intend to go don't they?' Mother had been crying, she didn't want us to leave. She said, 'I am sure of it. That is their plan. They are determined to find their own way. Adventure and wanderlust.' And then Father said something really odd. He said, 'Blood will tell.' And Mother said, 'I certainly can't change things, can I?'"
Rosamond looked into John's eyes and said, "It must have been hard for your parents to let go. Did you keep up any correspondence with them?" John said, "Yes. Mother wrote. That is how I found out about the girls getting married. Charles had just married when we sailed away."
Rosamond said, "Do you have any regrets about leaving England?"
John kissed the top of her head and said,"None. Because if I didn't, I would never have been in Southold that fateful June afternoon when three aliens touched down!"
Rose laughed. "When you say things like that, it makes me ALMOST forgive you for the trick you played."
John raised his eyebrow. Rose said, "Almost."
John grabbed her hand and yanked her to a standing position. "OK, Mrs. Gwinnett, let's get to bed."
On their way up the stairs, Rosamond said, "John, do you ever want to go back and see your parents?"
John said, "Maybe, when the kids get older, we can take a family vacation there.."
Celeste stood in the kitchen. Something is not quite right. I just don't know what it is. Oh,well...It doesn't seem to matter. Not yet anyway.

John woke up the next morning early. Rose was still asleep. He got out of bed as quietly as he could and put on his sweatshirt and jeans. Celeste was in the kitchen making coffee.
"Good morning!" she said cheerfully. John didn't say a word until he filled up his coffee cup and took a long sip. Celeste sat across from him. "No wonder you look like you were rode hard and put away wet! You can't sit up all hours of the night with your bride romancing by the fireside."
John rubbed his eyes. "I haven't been sleeping well lately."
Celeste said, "If it's about that Halloween party.."
John said, "No, that's not it. I have been having bad--well, not bad, but weird--dreams about my family. Something unresolved."
Celeste gave him a piece of buttered toast. "Does it have to do with Daniel?"
John said, "I don't know. I think it might a bit. Just a general uneasiness. Do you see anything in your crystal ball, Celeste?"
She said, "No, it's been obscured by clouds lately. Besides, it reveals events as they are unfolding. Not as a future portent. I don't know anything unless it is happening."
John said, "I wonder if the computer--some family research--would give me some clues."
Celeste patted his hand. "Couldn't hurt."
John asked, "Is anyone in the computer room?"
"No, El and Bess had to report early and William is in his conservatory."
John took his coffee into the room and clicked on the computer. He clicked on 'google search' and typed in 'James Gwinnett' and 'Julia Stafford'.
Hmm....Cornwall records...he clicked on. Nothing. That's strange. I always thought they were married in Cornwall.
He clicked on Somersetshire UK records. Marriage records for Bruton in Somerset.
These go all the way back to the 1500's...let's see, Charles was born in 1607, Daniel and I were born in 1610..so Mother and Father would be married sometime around 1608/1609...click, click! That's weird...nothing. Nothing in those years. Let's check and see if the records are complete.

John clicked on 1607 baptismal records. Here! Charles James Gwinnett, baptised November 5, 1607..a little before that..October 17, 1607, Mary Dunham Gwinnett, buried. OK, at least the family was established there. Let's see if I can find Daniel and me...here! Baptismal date is August 31, 1610...John Arthur Gwinnett and Daniel Richard Gwinnett...OK, parental units, it's got to be at least between these two dates. Why can't I find it in 1608 or 1609? He scrolled down...ah! there it is! James Henry Gwinnett and Julia Megaera Stafford....Megaera...MEGAERA? Hmm..never knew Mother's middle name...Father always called her Julia....let's see, date...date..where is it.... John stopped his scrolling. He looked at the date. April 22, 1610....he sat there puzzled. Wait....April. Fourth month of the year. We were born in August...April, May, June, July, August...five months..FIVE MONTHS??

John sat there uncomprehending..what? What? Does this mean what I THINK it does? My parents....James and Julia...they HAD to get married?! NO! Impossible! Mother was always so...so...PROPER!!
John sat there torn between shock and bemusement.
Rosamond came downstairs in her robe and carrying Julie. "Ah, there's Daddy, my little munchkin!"
Julie held her hands out to John. He quickly exited the screen and took Julie in his arms. "Hey, Princess!" Julie reached over to grab his ear. Rose yawned and stretched. "I woke up and you were gone! What are you doing down here in the computer room so early?"
John thought quickly. "Just checking the art galleries to see when that art festival is. Maybe we can pick up some artwork for the living room."
Rose sat down. "I called Roger. I'm going in tomorrow to see him. I'm still getting sick and light-headed. By tomorrow we will know one way or the other. And if it's positive, John Gwinnett, I'll never speak to you again. I'll probably announce to the whole delivery room that your parents aren't married!"
"WHAT?"
Rose laughed a little. "It's an old joke, sweetheart. Bill Cosby did it..it means I call you a bastard in the delivery room! Because...oh, never mind!"
She took Julie. "Come on, little one, let's go see what Grandma Celeste has cooking! Whatever it is, it smells good! Unless I puke it up."
Rose turned to John. "Coming to breakfast, John?"
John said absentmindedly, "Uh, huh..." as he clicked the mouse.
Rose shrugged. "You know, the artwork can wait..." as she walked out of the room.
John flicked on the screen again. The damning information glared at him. Mother and Father? Those pillars of English society? Well, I'll be! Who am I to judge? Rose and I actually HAD the baby when we got married... maybe Father was right. Blood will tell.
He turned the screen off, his thoughts in turmoil as he tried to digest the information. What was that old saying? 'Nothing new under the sun.....'


BEAUTY & the BEAST........by Coralynn

The doorbell rings. John looks at Rose and asks, "Are you expecting anyone this early in the morning?"
"No. Well, Marilyn is answering the door, maybe it's someone for her."
Marilyn, in robe and slippers, opens the door to see a large man with a sheepish grin. "Is John home?"
"JOHN!" Marilyn calls out, and when she hears him reply, opens the door for the man.
Moose looks at Marilyn with awe, "I've seen you at the fitness center. Rose calls you Marilyn. You must be the most beautiful woman in the world." and with that he reaches out, takes her hand and plants a gentle kiss on it.
She smiles up at him and thinks, This has to be Moose from the gym, what a darling man!
John goes to the vestibule and, upon seeing Moose, tells him, "Come on into the kitchen! We're just having our coffee. Join us. Is there a problem with your class?"
Moose follows him into the kitchen and gladly accepts the coffee handed to him. "No big problem, John, and forgive me for intruding on you, especially so early, but I want to be sure it's acceptable to...." and he demonstrates three moves that are his own invention. "Would these new moves work into the routine, or do you think they're too advanced?"
"Those look great, Moose. Did you figure them out yourself?"
Moose sips his coffee and replies, "I was up early fooling around with some new moves. I sometimes get up real early to exercise at home, ya know."
"You take this whole thing very seriously, don't you?" Rose asks, smiling at him.
"Oh yes! I'm so glad you let me teach that class!" Moose bolts the rest of the coffee down and, shyly asks, "Can I have a refill?"
"You most certainly can," Marilyn tells him as she takes his cup over to the coffee pot and refills it. "Where do you live, Moose?"
"I have an old house just outside town. After my parents died I inherited it and it's a great place but pretty run down. I keep meaning to do repairs and paint and redecorate and stuff, but I want to do it real good, so I keep putting it off."
"You need suggestions?" Rose asks.
"Oh yeah, I sure do!"
"Why don't I help you, Moose, would you like that?" Marilyn suggests.
His face reddens as he lowers his eyes, then looks at her and says with great sincerity, "I can't imagine someone like you helping someone like me. I mean, you're a movie star!"
"No, no, I just look like one!" Marilyn laughs.
"My favorite actress in the whole wide world is Marilyn Monroe, ya see. I have every picture of her ever taken."
"Really? Why?" Marilyn wonders out loud.
"She was so adorable, and smart, and really, really nice.....and she got treated so awful! She died before I was born, but my parents told me about her, and put posters of her all over my bedroom walls. I used to kiss them before I went to bed."
Marilyn chuckles, "How old were you when you started doing that?"
"Ohhhh, probably 3 or 4!" he answers seriously, "And when I got older it made me sad that I couldn't meet her and take her away from all those people who were ex......exp...."
"Exploiting," Marilyn furnishes the word.
"Yeah, exploiting her! How come you look just like her? You even have the same first name?" Moose asks.
"My name is really Sally Reynolds, but people call me Marilyn because of the uncanny resemblance," Marilyn explains.
"But even your voice...." he protests.
"I know, weird isn't it?" she keeps up the pretense.
Moose stands up and says, "I don't wanna keep you from your breakfast. I appologize for coming over so early, so I'd better go."
"But why?" Marilyn asks, "Stay!"
Moose looks at John, who nods, then at Rose and asks, "Goddess, is it alright with you?"
"Yes! We want to hear more about you, Moose. You can meet the others, too......here comes William, let me introduce you."
Instead of going directly to the kitchen, William goes outdoors and retrieves his five newspapers from the lawn, the driveway, and one that's landed clear up on the porch. Shaking his head in disbelief, 'how did someone heave it that far?'....he hauls them into the kitchen, and, upon seeing Moose, looks questioningly at John.
"William! Meet Moose, who's teaching the fitness class Rose used to teach. Moose, this is William, you know, the Conquering Chef!"
Moose holds out his hand toward William and after they shake, tells him, "I try to watch all your cooking shows on TV. It's an honor to meet you, sir!"
William sits down and spreads out his newspapers on the table and replies, "Glad to meet you too, Moose. I'm making pumpkin pancakes this morning, would you like to sample some?"
The others roll their eyes, but Moose replies, "It would be my pleasure, sir!"
William thinks, this guy may be kinda shaggy looking, but he sure has impeccable manners! And Marilyn can't take her eyes off him. Now this is an interesting development. Yes, very interesting indeed.


ARE YOU POSITIVE?.....by Terri

Bethia and Eleanor sat at the table drinking hot lemon tea. Rose came in laden with packages.
"What did you do, Rose? Buy out the store?"
"No, it's just the January White Sales and I needed new sheets and towels for the new house. Do you know how hard it is to find towels in periwinkle blue?"
She dumped her packages on the floor. Eleanor stretched her feet out, clad in those socks you put in the microwave. Bethia said,"No cruisewear?"
Rose shook her head. "No, you can't find summer things in January. The best I could do was Easter clothes. But I did find some nice formal dresses...party stuff. After all, we have to dress for dinner, which I will love to do."
Bethia made a face and rubbed her stomach. "Hard to dress formal with this! I feel like I have a beachball on my lap 24/7."
Rose said, "Any calls for me? Did Roger call with the test results yet?"
Bethia said,"No. You know the lab takes their time."
Just then the phone rang. Eleanor answered. "OH! We were just talking about you! Hold on, I'll put her on."
Rose reached for the phone but Eleanor said, "He wants to talk to his WIFE!"
Rose sat down and started to bite her thumb. "Eleanor, if I AM, it will ruin the whole cruise for me."
Bethia concluded her convesation with Roger. "...no, I can make pork chops tonight...potatoes or rice?....what kind of vegetables?.....OK, I love you...and here she is...."
Bethia handed the phone to Rosamond. "Hi, Roger....uh huh...really....no, I've been taking extra iron....you sure about the results?....no, I know they are 99.99% accurate if they come from the lab...shouldn't it have shown up on your exam?..uh, huh...no, I appreciate you hurrying it through....I'll tell John....thanks a lot...OK, bye!"

Rosamond sat there stunned at the table. Her eyes teared up. Eleanor and Bethia looked at each other. Rose burst out in tears. Bethia patted her hand. Eleanor jumped up and gave her a hug. Bethia said soothingly, "Oh, honey, it's not so bad. Our kids can grow up together. Friends for life!"
Eleanor said, "Come on, Rose, it's not the end of the world. At least you know positively who the father of this baby is. You and John can enjoy this pregnancy together like you couldn't when you had Julie." Rose cried even harder. Marilyn came in the room. "Uh, oh, what's the matter?"
Eleanor said, "Rose saw Roger and got her test results back. You know. THOSE kind of test results!"
Marilyn exclaimed, "I forgot all about the old switcheroo. Rose, are you OK?"
Rose wordlessly shook her head. Marilyn continued, "You want I should kick John's butt for you?"
Rose sobbed. "You--you all don't understand. The test...it...it was....NEGATIVE."
Bethia, Marilyn and Eleanor looked at each other. "Negative?" "You AREN'T pregnant?"
Rose laid her head down in her arms and cried. "No. No, I'm not."
Eleanor and Marilyn exchanged puzzled looks. Eleanor said, "If it's negative, why are you weeping and wailing?"
Rose looked up with a tear-stained face. "A part of me wanted it to be positive. A little part. I guess maybe way down deep I was disappointed. Maybe subconsciously I wanted it to be true."
Eleanor threw her hands up. "I give up, Rose. You have got to be the deepest mystery I'VE ever encountered!"
Bethia asked, "But John said you have been light-headed and nauseous and throwing up."
Rosamond blew her nose with a tissue. "Roger explained that it was psy..psycho..."
Bethia supplied, "Psychosomatic?"
"That's the word! Psycho...whatever you called it."
Eleanor said, "I think you got that right the first time, Ro'. Psycho!"

Rose continued as if she hadn't heard Eleanor. "Roger said the nausea and the puking were just all in my head. That if you think you are pregnant, you begin to mimic the same symptoms you had when you really were. As far as the light-headedness and fainting and dizziness, he wants me to take a blood test. He thinks I have an iron deficiency."
Eleanor gave a sigh of relief. "So now you can enjoy the cruise."
Rose said, "I'd better call John."

Eleanor said, "And production has finished faster on Time and Chance and it is all wrapped up as of yesterday! I for one will be glad never to see Henry's face again! Now he can go back to the 12th century where he belongs!"
Marilyn asked, "Will it be released in the theatres?"
Eleanor explained, "No, this puppy drags on for 8 hours. Marty wants to heavily promote it as a mini-series. It should be set for April. That means some of us have to make the talk-show circuit. I hope I get Oprah!"

Rosamond dialed the number to the gym. "Body Shop!"
Rose said, "Put John on."
Daniel said, "Hello to you, too, Mrs. Gwinnett! Hey, if you'd married me instead of John, you'd still be Mrs. Gwinnett! Ha-ha!"
Rose said, "Very funny, Daniel. Now, put John on."
Daniel said, "Say pretty please..."
"Daniel, put him on before I do serious damage to you and your car."
"Ok, Ok, as long as you put it that way.."
John got on the phone. "Hey, hon. What's up?"
"I got the test results from Roger."
"...and?"
"Negative."
John was quiet for a second. "That's a relief."
"Is it?"
"Yes. Yes, it is. We need to get into our house and then do our planning."
Rose's voice caught. "You didn't want the baby!" She burst out crying again.
John was confused. "What baby?"
"The baby we aren't having!"
John said, "I'm confused, Rosamond. Are you happy or aren't you?"
"I don't know!" she cried.
John took a deep breath. "OK. Tell you what..when we go on the cruise, we will seriously talk about it. If we decide we want another one now, we'll..work on it."
Rose sniffled. "OK. If that's what you want.."
John said, "If that's what I want? Rose, you are the most complex woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Now, go take a long hot shower. I'll be home in a bit."
CLICK!

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