SHIP OF FOOLS



I'M YOUR VENUS.....by Terri

Rose knocked on Eleanor's bedroom door.
"El--the wheels have been set in motion! John and I are leaving on the 22nd for Steamboat Springs. Phase two of 'paybacks are deadly' is about to commence. Can you meet me at the new house in half an hour?"
"Sure, Rose. Why there though?"
"Because we will have privacy. This is a very delicate part of the operation and split second timing is crucial. I have a brochure I want you to see. And a terribly devious idea."

Rose was at the new house at the prescribed time. Eleanor was five minutes behind her.
"OK, Rosamond-what do you have in mind?"
Rose pulled out the brochure. "We are going to send the three loverboys to....GREECE!!"
El took the brochure and whistled. "Who's paying for this?"
Rose stretched out on the air mattress. "Billy Bob is the most deserving of this whole thing. He pays for ours. Henry wouldn't know a Visa card if it bit him on the ass.So I pay for him. Daniel--well, he's still my brother-in-law, lech that he is...so we go Dutch Treat. I called the cruiselines and made three sets of reservations for the 22nd of November. Three suites. Now-watch the fun begin!"

Rose rang the fitness center. She covered up the mouthpiece. "Hope John doesn't answer."
"Body Shop. Daniel here."
Rose purred, "Just the man I wanted to hear from. How are you?" Daniel whispered, "John just went in the other room to check on the steamroom. Trouble with the water intake. But we have to make this fast. I don't get it. He's not acting like anything is wrong."
Rose put on an indignant voice. "Of course not. Can you say 'community property', Daniel? He's pretending now that things are OK. I'll bet he tries to put the fitness center in Slim's name. Sell it to him for a dollar. That way I only get 50 cents."
Daniel said, "Aw, hell! That bastard!"
Rose said, "Bastard is right! He told me it served me right getting my stomach pumped out That I was a moron for doing that."
"NO!"
"YES! Oh, Daniel! I have to get away! He hasn't told anyone but he's going to New Mexico next week--the 22nd to be exact--and he said it is for a business trip."
"Business trip? I haven't heard of any business trip."
"Of course not! He's taking his girlfriend skiing. Like I don't know. Oh, Daniel! It's awful! I don't even know her name."
"He plays things close to the vest. I don't even have any indication of it."
Rose said,"Daniel....uh,....no, no, I can't. NO! It wouldn't be right..."
"What, Rose? Come on, you can tell me. It's me--Daniel!"
Rose rolled her eyes at Eleanor who tried to stifle her laughter. She continued in a rush. " I have to get away! OH, Daniel, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, isn't it?"
Daniel said smoothly, "Of course it is, sugar. What did you have in mind?"
She hesitated. "Oh....since he is going to be gone, acting like a tomcat, I--I just want to get away! OH, Daniel, take me away!"
"Sure, sugar, we can go to the Bide-a-wee Motel..."

"NO! I mean somewhere way faraway. Greece! I want to take a cruise to Greece! There is one leaving on the 22nd to Athens, Skorpio, Rhodes...oh, Daniel, take me there!"
Daniel said, "I don't know, honey. Greece?"
Rose said, "Please! I'll even pay my own way! It's on the Royal Caribbean cruise line and it's only 2577.00. William and Celeste will watch the kids. Please? Please? Say you'll go with me."
Daniel plunged in. "Yes. Yes, I'll take you, Rose. Greece!"
"OH, Daniel! We'll have so much fun! I'll be your own personal Venus de Milo. I'll show you passion like you have never known before!"
Daniel laughed. "Better than last time? I'd better get some Viagra!"
Rose whispered, "It will be our secret. I'll have a courier deliver your tickets. I'll meet you on the ship. In our very own stateroom. Until then, sweetheart!"
CLICK!
Rose let out a big breath. Eleanor dissolved into giggles. "If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I wouldn't have believed it!"
Rose giggled. "Like shooting fish in a barrel! Onward and forward!"


I'M YOUR FIRE.......by Terri

Rosamond fixed some lunch for both of them.
Eleanor said, "Rose, this spaghetti is so good! Where did you get the recipe?"
"From Bobby Joe Austin. He's a frustrated gourmet cook! He gave me a little packet to slip in--some sort of herbs. I don't want to ask--I think I know what this little smidgen is but believe me, your taste buds are enhanced!"
Eleanor's eyes grew round. "You don't mean...."
Rose shrugged."All I know is there is a crop of it behind the hills in the meadow. Mixed in with the wildflowers."
Eleanor shrugged too and kept on eating.
Rose broke up a piece of garlic bread. "Ready for Victim #2?"
Eleanor grinned. "...and that would be...?"
"HENRY! Most definitely Henry. Billy Bob is the one I have to save my strength for!"
She reached over and dialed Marty's condo.

"Hello?"
"Hello, Henry?" "Hello? I can't hear you!"
Rose mouthed, MORON! to Eleanor who stuck her fist in her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
"Henry? Henry! Listen to me! Turn the phone the other way...no, the OTHER way!...Yes, that's right....can you hear me now?"
"Yes, love, I can hear you. Oh,, how are you, precious?"
Rosamond whipped up a tremor in her voice. "Not very well, Henry! John is starting to get....physical! I am so much in fear for my life!"
"THAT RENEGADE! THAT MAGGOT! I SHALL RUN HIM THROUGH WITH MY SWORD!"
Rose bit her lip to keep under conrol. "Oh, Henry. You can't do that. This is the 21st century. There are laws."
"BUT I AM KING OF ALL BRITAIN!"
Rose said, "Darling, even kings are bound by rules nowadays."
"BUT I AM RULING BY DIVINE RIGHT!"
"Not since Charles I lost his head over it."
"Lost his head, huh? I don't intend to go crazy over this issue myself! Not when I have you by my side.We will conquer the Picts! We will conquer the Gauls! We will conquer the Danes!...."
Rose appealed to him. "Yes, Henry, dear, you are the stud vanquisher of all times. I know better than anyone. But Henry, I need to escape! We need to spend some time together and talk! Make our plans!"
Henry said, "I shall commandeer Sally's coin and whisk us away, never to be heard from again!"

Rose said seductively, "I have a better plan before we do that. A trip that will be a trip to the moon on gossamer wings for you. Are you interested?"
"A trip that promises moonlight...and quiet....just two people who want to rekindle the flame they had before. Henry, I'm your flame! I'm your eternal FIRE!"
Henry laughed his wicked laugh. "My love, you couldn't get the fire any hotter than if you sent me to HELL!"
Rose wrinkled her nose at Eleanor. Eleanor shook her head.
Rose said, "John and I are through. He said so. He is taking off for New Mexico with a girl from the fitness center. He told me to be packed and out of the house...both houses!....by the time he got back. No one knows this. OH, Henry! I need to get away! With you! Let us escape to a land of sun and sea and air...let's go to GREECE!"
"GREECE? What, the Pantheon? The Parthian Wars?"
"Those were the Romans, darling. But yes! Greece of today. We can lie on the beach during the day and romance at night!"
Henry was beside himself. "When do we leave, my love?"

Rose said, "I have booked a suite in hopes that you would take me. We sail on the 22nd out of New York Harbour. But Henry! This needs to be top secret. Not a word to anyone--especially Marty! He has given us all the time out from the production. We need to play it cool, because of little Will. Please say you will meet me there on the ship!">br? "My love, I am already there in my mind, loving you..."
Rose held the phone away from her and gave El an 'I can't believe this guy!' expression.
"I've paid for the cruise myself, Henry. Actually, I took it out of John's checking account. I'll have a courier deliver the tickets and itinerary to you this afternoon.
Remember--not a word! It makes running away that much more romantic!"
"I can't wait, Rose!"
"Me either, love, me either!"
CLICK!
Rose and El high-fived each other.
El said, "Worthy of an Oscar, 'my love!'"
Rose bowed and said, "And I'd like to thank the men in my life....!"
Eleanor said, "Love to be a fly on the wall..."
Rose brought out the double chocolate cheesecake. "And before I go on to my greatest performance--and the most difficult one, because BB IS smart...let's fortify ourselves! Chocolate whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles?"
Eleanor held out her plate. "And let's dip each forkful in Bailey's Irish Cream!"
Rose laughed. "YOU GOT IT!"


I'M YOUR DESIRE.........by Terri

"Ah, I can feel my waistline expanding before my very eyes! Pretty soon I will start to look like William!"
Rose put the cheesecake in the avocado refridgerator. "These appliances last forever---isn't it a shame?"
Rose poured them some post-decadence coffee. "It's that General Foods International Coffee--Suisse Mocha."
They both said together, "It's how you unplug!" and laughed.
Rose looked at El. El looked at her.
Rose drew a deep breath. "It's going to be tricky."
"He's not stupid, Rose."
Rose said, "I know."
"Is this real?"
"It's real alright. And if we screw up, it's going to be the last real thing I ever do. Here goes!"
Eleanor put her hand on the phone. "Are you sure? Two out of three ain't bad!"
Rose said, "No, I have got to play my hand. What the winner doesn't know, the gambler understands."
El said, "GO FOR IT!"

"Hello?"
Rose dropped her voice down to a whisper. "Darling? Is that you?"
"Who else would it be?"
Rose looked at Eleanor with an 'I-don't-know-if-this-is-going-to-fly' look.
"I'I'm sorry-you sometimes sound like Bobby Joe. I just wanted to be sure."
Billy Bob softened. "I'm sorry, Sugah. I guess I was so used to being dumped on by you, I just got my defenses up. How are you this morning?"
"N-not so good. He-he told me when he gets back he is filing divorce papers. He wants to go back to HER! To Elizabeth! I was so caught up in the miniseries and when we won that hottest couple award, I had no idea that he was ACTING! I mean, really acting!"

Rose gave a big sigh and crossed her fingers when she looked at Eleanor.
"I'm sorry. I have no right to run to you with my problems. You have yours with Wanda Sue and I have mine with John. I-I guess we both made a lot of mistakes. I've-I've grown up, Billy Bob."
Rose let her breath out in a rush. "I've done a lot of foolish things. I--I plan on leaving Westchester county. Moving somewhere where no one knows me."
Billy Bob grew alarmed. "Move? Rose, you aren't serious, are you? Where would you go?"
"I hear Nebraska or Oklahoma is nice."
"WHAT? Why don't you just slit your throat and be done with it now?"
"Maybe the south of France. It would be lovely to raise my children there. Peace. That is what I need. I've done a lot of foolish things. Maybe I need to just clear the board, start anew. I'm sorry. I have no right to burden you with this."

"Rose, don't get radical. I mean, moving the kids to France? With the political climate the way it is?"
Rose faked a sob in her voice. "If I could just go away so I could think! I think Europe would be ideal. I need the space."
"But Rose, a woman alone....? With two children?"
Rose sniffed and pretended like she was blowing her nose. Eleanor sat there in admiration.
"You're right, Billy Bob. I-I'll get Celeste to watch the children. I'll be OK. Really I will. I am so sorry to burden you. You don't deserve it. And I don't deserve your kindness. I'll send you a postcard from wherever I am. Good-bye. I--I love you!" she stammered out.
And hung up.


Eleanor exclaimed, "ROSE! You chickened out! I can't believe you backed out. But two out of three--not too bad a score! I guess you're safer that way."
Rose shook her head and gave Eleanor a grin. "Patience, girlfriend. Because within..." and she looked at her watch. "....fifteen minutes, I will be offered a trip to paradise."

Rose and Eleanor were looking at fabric swatches for the new house. "What do you think of this one, Eleanor?"
"Mmm...too tropical! Remember, this is a 300 year old house."
"Yes, but Colonial colours are so....icky!"
"Then go with white."
"BITE YOUR TONGUE!"
The telephone rang. Rose and Eleanor looked at each other. Rose cautiously picked up her cellphone and looked at the caller ID number. She smiled slightly. "What did I tell you? Let's let it ring about seven times..."
On the seventh ring, Rosamond picked up, her voice trembling slightly. "Hello?"
"Rosamond, it's me. Look, I have an idea. Are you still wanting to get away?"
Rose gave out a big sigh and made an 'OK' sign to Eleanor with her thumb and index finger. Eleanor leaned forward in anticipation. She gave a quizzical note to her voice. "Y-yes. I want to be out of here for a while. Why?"
Billy Bob hesitated. Rose made, 'come on, out with it!' motions with her hands.
"Would you like some company on that trip?"
"Company? Why--do you know someone who is going?"
"Why don't I go with you?"
Rose clenched her fist and drew her arm back in a 'YESSSS' gesture. "A-are you serious? After all I have done to you? Why would you do that noble gesture for me?"
Billy Bob stammered around. Rose mouthed, 'aw shucks!' to Eleanor who threw the dishtowel over her face to stifle her screams of laughter. He poured out his words in a torrent. "I don't want you going by yourself. I think it would be good for us to get away. How about Austin? Like old times?"
Rose looked at El, crossed her eyes and mouthed, 'Austin? I don't THINK so!'

She made her voice hesitate. "Austin? No. No, I need to go somewhere far away. Where I can have some peace. Thanks for the offer, but I can't burden you. I wouldn't dream of taking you away from your ranch."
"But we could go wherever you want to.."
"OH! OH MY GOODNESS! A GREASE FIRE!" She laid the phone down and within a minute came back.
"Oh! That was close! Grease. How could I have forgotten a skillet of bacon grease!"
Billy Bob laughed. "Sugah, you always were bad with bacon grease! Wait a minute! I have a terrific idea! How about a trip to Greece? I remember you always wanted to go there when we were married. How about it?"
Rose hesitated, "I don't know, BB. John froze the checking account. I have no money. All our assets are frozen. Even my salary."

Billy Bob said, "No problem. I can take you there. I'll just charge it and write it off as a business expense as long as I check out some horses there!"
Rose smiled, "You are just too clever! I guess that is why I.."
"You what?"
"never mind."
"When do you want to go?"
"The sooner the better. I have a travel brochure in front of me. Let's see....Athenian Wonders trip from Grecian Tours. Leaves on the Royal Caribbean on November 22nd. And I have that week off! A-are you sure?"
"Sure as I'm standing here talking to you. I'll send the tickets over to you."
"NO! NOT AT THE HOUSE! I'll tell you what, why don't you leave them at the ticket agency and I'll pick them up on Friday?"
"That's great! How shall we hook up?"
"I'll meet you in the stateroom. And reserve it under the name of Mr. and Mrs. William Montgomery. I'll meet you in the room. That way no one will see us! Do you think you are up for ten days on the high seas with nothing to do?"
Billy Bob laughed suggestively, "Oh....I'm sure something will come to me!"
CLICK!

Rose hung up the phone, turned to Eleanor and dusted off her hands with a 'that's that!' gesture.
Eleanor sat in wonderment. "Rose, if I wasn't sitting here, I never would have believed it! You were magnificent!"
Rose smiled broadly. "They were all so predictable."
"But how did you know it would go that way?"
"Easy, Eleanor. I have made a career out of studying the male of the species. I know their habits, what they want, what they like, what they mean. I only have one problem."
"What's that?"
"HOW DO I STOP STUTTERING?"


PLANNING A LITTLE TRIP, EHH?...by Terri

John was sitting in his office when Daniel came in. He looked over at John's desk. "What's that? Travel brochures?"
"What's it to you?"
"Planning a trip, John?"
"Maybe. Thought I'd take a little trip out West and do some skiing."
"Really. When are you going?"
"Leaving tomorrow. Why?"
"Oh, nothing. Thought I'd take a week off myself."
"Yeah? And where are YOU headed?"
"Don't know yet. Just get in the car and drive."
"By yourself?"
"To start out with. Can you spare me?"
John leaned back in his chair. "Guess so. Rafe and Slim can take over. There's no new equipment coming in and no paperwork to do. Just basically opening up the gym and making sure it's clean. Yeah, go ahead. Take your trip."
Daniel said, "Guess I will see you when I get back. Have a good time."
John said, "Yeah, you too."
Daniel grinned."I fully intend to."

LATER

"Rosamond, honey, do you really need all those clothes?"
"Yes, I do. And I have alot of Julie's stuff. This is going to be so wonderful!"
John grinned. "I hear Steamboat is the best. And no one can bother us. The condo is ski in and ski out."
Will rushed in and jumped on the bed. "I'm all packed!"
Rose took his suitcase and looked inside. "Oh, Will! All these video games? Where are your clothes?"
Will shrugged. "I dunno. Guess I forgot."
Rose said,"Good thing I didn't. Here's your suitcase, packed and ready to go. Now get to bed. We have an early flight tomorrow."
Will grinned, kissed them goodnight and left the room.
"I didn't realize Julie had to have so much stuff." John said. Rose explained. "She's a baby. And she's a girl. Double stuff, sweetheart."
She began to pack John's sweaters. Quietly she asked, "John, have you seen...her?"
"Her who?" he asked as he threw more sweaters and jeans on the bed.
Rose put them in the suitcase. "You know who. Her."
John threw his shaving stuff on the bed. "Oh. Her. Not really. She's going to try this century for a few weeks and see if she can adapt."
Rose bit her lip. "Think she will? Adapt?"
John shrugged. "I don't know."
Rose quietly continued to pack John's clothes. John walked over to her, put his arms around her, lifted her chin up and looked deeply into her eyes. "Hey. I love YOU. Only you."
Rose held him tightly and pressed her face against his chest. "I needed to hear that. Oh, you don't know how much!"
"Almost finished packing?" John asked.
"Yes, I just have to put this in here and....voila!" Rose tried to close it. She jumped on it. She bounced on it. She put her knee on it. John stood there and enjoyed the show. She said, "Don't help me or anything!" He walked over, deftly slammed the lid and locked it. Rose stuck her tongue out at him.
"I'm taking a shower and then getting to bed. We have an 8:00 AM flight to Denver, honey. Better get to bed."
"I will. I just have to see Eleanor a minute."

Rosamond knocked on Eleanor's door. "Come in!"
Rose sat on El's bed. "I feel guilty about what I've done. I feel like I've gone beyond mean."
Eleanor said, "Let's never say they don't deserve it. They finally will know what it is like to be had. Let's review this, Rose. Daniel had no regard for his brother's health or safety. He knocked him out and tied him up and assumed his identity just so he could have a romp with you. Pretty self-serving. He destroyed your reputation to the newspapers. He made your life miserable telling everyone that Julie was his child.
Henry. Where do I begin THERE? He abused you, he bullied you, he used you when you were barely out of childhood and then gave you a baby! He smacked you around. And that wasn't enough. He dragged you back from your parents. And don't forget what happened that last time we were there. You had nightmares for months.

And lastly but not least, William Robert Montgomery. He stole a year of your life. He controlled your every move. He kept you away from the man you loved, he kicked your bedroom door open countless times. Because of all that, you had to give birth during a storm at home instead of a hospital. He trashed you at Beth's wedding. He topped it off by faking his own death, tweaking your mind in Paris, and bursting in at your own wedding. No, Rose, let's not never say they didn't deserve it. They need to know what it is like to be used. To be abused. And I will be in the front row applauding."
Rose smiled wistfully. "And they get a lovely trip out of it. Just not exactly what they expected."
Eleanor asked, "How are you going to pull off the unappearance of you until the ship sails?"
Rose said, "It's going to be like this...."


A TRIP.....to the Mall.........by Coralynn

"John and Rose are going on a trip," Elizabeth tells Marilyn sadly, "I wish I were going on a trip!"
"Whew, after the 'trip' you just took? Ahead almost 400 years? I think you oughta let the dust settle from that before you go globe hopping," Marilyn kids her, "But, since you're new to the 21st century, you need to take part in the most important ritual of the times....."
"What's that?!"
"A trip to the mall!" Marilyn says with glee, "If you want to know allllll about this century, a good place to start is someplace where everyone goes. You can find out more in two hours at a mall than you can spending days reading books. Are you game?"
"'Game?' That's what we shoot for dinner," Eliz is confused.
"It's just a modern expression. Means are you up for it?"
"'Up' ?"
Marilyn searches her vocabulary for words that any English speaking person, regardless of century, would understand. "How about.....you wanna go?"
"Yes!" Eliz is relieved that she finally understands. Then she looks down at her dress, "but I look bad in this dress. People will stare."
"Hey, no prob! Come with me.....we'll let you wear one of my dresses, then when we get to the mall we'll get you a bunch of your own. And jeans! Gotta have them!"
She leads Eliz up the stairs to her room, whle Eliz mutters, "Jeans? That's a girl's name. Never knew it was clothing....."
All of Marilyn's clothes are too small for Elizabeth, so she leads the other woman into Eleanor's room. Flinging open the closet, Marilyn draws her arm across the collection, like someone on a game show. "Your pleasure, Madame!"
"Those are Eleanor's, though. I can't steal Eleanor's clothes!"
"Just a minute," Marilyn goes out and yells downstairs, "ELEANOR!"
Eleanor comes to the foot of the stairs and yells back, "What?"
"Can Elizabeth wear something of yours to the mall? I'm going to buy her some new stuff, some modern stuff, but she can't go dressed the way she is!"
"Sure! Help yourself!"
Marilyn returns to Eleanor's room and nods her head, "It's fine with her. Now, Liz, may I call you that? Liz, which outfit takes your fancy? Want a dress or ......ta da........jeans and a sweater?"
Eliz runs her hands over the sweater and smiles, "This is pure elegance! I've never seen anything this fine. Do I dare wear it?"
"You sure do, kiddo! Here! Take off that housedress....." she pulls it off over Eliz's head and sees that Eliz is in sore need of a bra. Tucking that piece of info into her list of things to buy, she jams the fisherman's knit sweater over Eliz's head and stands her up to see in the mirror.
"Ohhhh my, how fine! Can I buy one of these for myself? But I can't, Marilyn, I have no money, no coins and not even jars of strawberry preserves to use as barter. I can't go with you with no money," and she begins to pull of sweater back up over her head.
Marilyn quickly jams it back on.
"Yes, you can! Look! All the people living in this house make more money than they know what to do with. I'll pay, I can afford it. Think of it as a birthday gift, early or late, whichever."
"My birthday is in July, so....."
"OK that means this stuff will be a late birthday gift. Now, try on the jeans."
Eliz has a tussle getting into the jeans but is finally able to pull them up and with the sweater on as well, looks in the mirror in astonishment.
"I look like one of you!" she marvels.
"Welllll, yeah, except for the hair. Sit down there at El's dressing table and let me see what I can do with it."
Marilyn takes it down from the loose bun in which her hair has been captured, and sees a mousy brown that could use a bit of color. Hmmmm, better get that taken care of, too, but another day. I can cut it a little though. Or at least I can try!"
"Liz," she tries to be diplomatic, "Would you mind if I shortened your hair a little?"
Eliz draws her hands through her waist-long hair and frowns, "It's ratty hair, Marilyn, so do what you can."
"That's the spirit!" Marilyn says cheerily as she picks up the scissors and lops off about a foot of hair. That brings it up to just below shoulder length. She looks at it and sees it could use more, so she lops off another six inches. " Ahh!! That's better!"
Eliz has been turned away from the mirror, and when Marilyn turns her back, she sees someone totally unlike herself. She gasps, then examines the reflexion in the mirror and smiles at it.
"You like?"
"I look better, but see how pale I am? Got anything for that?"
"Glad you brought that up, Liz! See this? It's called makeup." she explains what each item is as she applies it. The skin-tone is improved with some makeup, and a little dap of lipstick makes her till now non-existant mouth show up on her face, and the eyebrow pencil and liner show where her eyes are. Marilyn resolves to pluck out about half the hairs on the bushy eyebrows, but next time. Why scare the poor woman by yanking hair off her face, which can hurt, Mailyn knows full well. Yeah, next time.

Elizabeth stands up and shows a full smile for the very first time since her arrival and says happily, "Marilyn, I am now ready to see your 21st century mall!"
Marilyn give her a shoulder hug, "Yeah, Liz, but are they ready for the new improved YOU?"


VICTIM # 1........by Terri

Daniel woke the morning of the 22nd, jumping out of bed. He threw his clothes in a duffel bag and then reconsidered. Guess there may be some fancy dinners. I saw pictures of it. He took down the suitcase and carefully packed a suit. As carefully as Daniel could. Guess honeybun will bring an iron. Or I guess I could send it out to the ship laundry. Why didn't I pack the night before? He looked at his tickets. Hmm..Pier 43. Sailing at 12:00 noon. He picked up the phone and then put it down. I should call and see if she wants to share a cab or should I drive and pick her up? No, she was pretty clear about me meeting her on the ship.
He threw his essentials in a duffel bag. After shave--I seem to recall she was partial to Calvin Klein. He looked around for a robe. Hell, the cruise will have those really neat terrycloth robes.

Bumping his suitcase into the hallway, Rafe stuck his head out of his bedroom door. "You're really going, huh, Daniel? Motor trip to Tennnessee? If you're gonna see the leaves change, you are too late!"
Daniel smiled and said, "Yeah. Things are still changing. Oh, by the way, I won't have any phone numbers for you to reach me. My cellphone may not be activated."
Rafe yawned. "From Tennessee? They're backward, but I'm sure they have celltowers. When do you expect to come back?"
Daniel said, "Oh...December 1st or 2nd. Unless I decide to stay!"
Rafe covered his yawn and waved. "Have a good time."
Daniel laughed and said, "I expect to have a GREAT time!"
Then to himself, he said, "Hope John has a great time too."
He got in his car and drove off.

VICTIM # 2

Marty called his condo that morning. "Henry, this is the wakeup call you wanted. Where are you going?"
Henry scratched his head. I'm not used to people asking me questions. Prying ones at that. "I'm going to a Shakespearean workship--SHOP! Workshop!"
Marty said, "All week? Where is it at?"
Henry picked up the paper and glanced at the headlines. "Osh-kosh. Wis-con-sin. WISCONSIN!" He said with satisfaction. "That's the place."
Marty said, "Whatever. Better bundle up warm. Bye."
Henry wondered, "It's cold there?" He packed the suit that Marty helped him buy. He looked at them dubiously. What if Greece is expecting royalty? He shoved his good tunic in the bag. Also the sword. Glad I bought this garment bag. He threw some of these...jeans? Good breeches. That metal thing with the sharp interlocking squares. Gads! Who thought of that trap? A man could get serious injured....
He crammed it all in his bag. I can't wait to get to Rose and convince her to go back to Woodstock. But even though she looked great in a veil and a wimple, she looks even better in those things they call...sweater? And she wears breeches like me. And boots. I swear on my mother's grave, this century does have its advantages. Except I am just someone else. A man without a kingdom. May as well be a chilidog without onions. Oh, well, I can convince Rose to go back. I'll even stop for the lad if I have to. She'll see reason...maybe they have a 21st century vaccine for the Bubonic Plague...
He went downstairs and hailed a taxi. "My good man, can you get me to.." and here he fumbled for his ticket "...Pier 43?"
The man looked at it and nodded his turbaned head. "Yah. Han'on, mon!" He stepped on it and threw Henry back against the seat. Imagine, me..being in this contraption with a Saraczen..."

VICTIM # 3

Wanda Sue pulled up in the drive of the guest house. Sally leaned over. "Honest, Wanda Sue! You can borrow one of my coats."
"Hell no! This way I get to see my husband. Not expecting a conjugal visit though. I TOLD you that ya didn't need to come."
They got out of the car and barged into the house. "I left it upstairs in the hall closet. Dang, I can't wait until Loverboy moves back in the ranch house. Like they say, 'whither thou goest, there ya be!'"
Sally said, "Isn't that, whither thou goest, there I go also?" Wanda Sue said, "Oh, yeah!" They tramped up the stairs. "And here it is! Let's get out of here."
As they walked down the stairs, Billy Bob opened his bedroom door. "Well, Loverboy! And how is my everlasting husband this fine morning? Never mind that it is 30 degrees out!"
Billy Bob said impatiently, "Just what are you doing here, skank?" Wanda Sue craned her neck. "OH! Packing, I see! Where ya going, Stud-muffin?"
Billy Bob tried to close the door on her but Wanda Sue, unbelievable as it is, was stronger. She and Sally gave it all they had and barged into the room. Billy Bob had all his clothes piled. Wanda Sue said, "Well, looky what we have here! Swimsuit, suit--lots of summer clothes...where ya going, Florida? California? And why are you running away? Hey! Wait! I know! Old Man DuPre died and you are leaving for the funeral. But why the swimsuit I'll never know." Wanda Sue held them up. Billy Bob tried to snatch them away. She tossed them to Sally who tossed them back. And so it went on, Pickle in the Middle. Billy Bob finally caught them. "Wanda Sue, don't you have a train track to stall on?"
Wanda Sue laughed. "Why you don't wear Speedos is beyond me! You got a cute butt! Might as well show it off!"
Wanda Sue and Sally bowed their heads as if in prayer and said, "...and God bless the man who invented Speedos! Amen!"
Billy Bob shoved them out the door and locked it. They pounded on it. "Aw, come on! Take us with you!"
Billy Bob quickly zipped it up and checked his itinerary and tickets. Bobby Joe came in. Wanda Sue and Sally jumped up and down. "Come on, Bobby Joe! Tell us where he's going. Please! Pretty please! Where is he going and who with?"
Bobby Joe said, "No way! He's getting away for a few days. And for the second question, by himself. He's going to relax."
Billy Bob came out. "Would you two dirtbags go play in traffic?"
Bobby Joe said, "Ready to go?"
"More than ready!" He grinned.
"Dirt bag #1 and Dirt bag #2--unfortunately you'll see me when I get back. Unless I see you first."
They got in Bobby Joe's car and sped off.
Wanda Sue turned to Sally. "Let's follow them! Guaranteed BB is going to meet a skirt! And that constitutes...adultery in my book!"
They jumped in the car and followed. Bobby Joe looked in the mirror and saw them. "Got a tail on us."
Billy Bob looked in the side mirror. "Yeah,. I expected it. STEP ON IT!"
Bobby Joe floored it and within three minutes he lost the Lincoln. "Rose is meeting me in the stateroom. Remember--not a word to anyone." Bobby Joe said, "Didn't think I'd ever see this day!"
They pulled into Pier 43. Billy Bob got out and grinned, "Don't wait up for me!"


FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE STATEROOM......by Terri

Rose, John and the children landed in Steamboat Springs, Colorado without a hitch. Will was jumping up and down. "Can we ski today? Can we? Please?"
Rose was juggling her carryon and Julie. She handed the baby to John. "No, Will. We need to check in and get your skis. By that time the slopes will be closed down. This way you can get a good night's sleep and we can go out early. Provided you don't get altitude sickness. Julie goes to the nursery tomorrow."
"Mommy, I don't get attitude sickness."
John laughed. "Altitude. Look at the mountains, Will. Plenty of snow. We can make a snowman tonight if you want."
Julie laughed and tweaked John's nose. "You too, Princess!" Rose was preoccupied. "You OK, darling?"
"Hmm? OH! Yes...yes, I'm OK. John, I forgot to tell Eleanor that Jerry had to cancel their date tonight. If I don't call, she'll think I'm the biggest airhead. And William will roll his eyes. I also need to get hold of Murph. Those appliances are coming in this week and I want to tell him where to place them and what to do with the old ones."
John said, "Can't it wait, Rose? We need to get our luggage and the rental car. We'll be at our condo in about an hour."
Rose dropped her carryon on an airport chair. "I'll be fifteen minutes--tops!"

Rose walked down the corridor and whipped out her cellphone. I certainly hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the butt! Here goes--Operation: Stick-it-to-all-the-men-who-wronged-me.
She dialed the Royal Caribbean ship Socrates. A ship operator answered the phone.
"May I please have the stateroom registered to Daniel Gwinnett?"
"One moment please"
Rose checked her watch. 11:45.
"Hello?"
"Daniel! Hi! I take it you're settled in."
"Yeah, but where are you? I thought you'd be here by now. I know John left, Slim told me he called for his messages before he left."
"Oh, I was passing the bookstore and I saw the latest Grafton that I just HAD to have."
Daniel laughed intimately. "Honey, I don't plan on doing much reading, do you?"
Rose laughed also. "That's what I always liked about you, Daniel! Very direct about what you have in mind! Honest! Sit tight, I'll be there in--oh, say, half an hour! I wanted to check the menu for tonight, too. If it's not up to par, let's eat in our stateroom."
"Suits me to a 'T'. But hurry up, OK? I can't wait to.."
Click!

Rose took a deep breath. 11:50.Here goes!
"Socrates--ship to shore operator, may I have the extension you want?"
Rose said, "The stateroom of Rosamond Gwinnett."
Good thing I put it in my name. Henry doesn't have a clue how reservations work. Now if only he found the stateroom alright...
"Hello?"
Rose sighed, "Henry, how many times do I have to.."
"Hello? Hello?"
"..tell you it's the other way?"
"OH! OK, wench! Where are you and why aren't you here?"
"Henry, don't start out on the wrong foot, OK? NOT A GOOD THING TO DO!"
"Rosamond, I checked with the steward. There's no claret here. Guess I'll have to settle for burgundy. So why aren't you here?"
"Henry, love, just calm down. I stopped at the gift store for a magazine. And I forgot my perfume so I have to stop at the duty-free shop and pick some up. You know me, I can't be without it. I'll be there within a half hour."
Henry said, "Hurry up, will you? It has been ages since I held you in my arms..."
CLICK!

Rose inhaled and exhaled slowly. 11:55. Why do I always save the hardest for last?
She dialed the Socrates once more.
"Hi, This is Mrs. William Montgomery. I need to reach my husband. Could you please ring our stateroom?..Oh? He got us a suite? How wonderful!...."
"Hello?"
"Hi, Darling, it's me."
"Where are you, Sugah? I've been impatiently waiting for you."
Rose laughed seductively. "And you have champagne chilling for us, don't you?"
Billy Bob laughed, "How can you tell?"
"I hear the ice cubes melting."
"Come on and hurry up. I want to get this reconcilliation going. Remember, I've been 'dead' for three months! And I've never been with a 'widow' before!"
"I was on my way to the suite...and I AM impressed, Montgomery! No stateroom for us! Anyhow, I was passing the jewelry store on the upper deck and I felt the incredible pull of the diamonds."
"Like the moon kisses the tides, huh?"
"Exactly! And there are such incredible things here."
"Sugah, find yourself something nice and put it on hold. We'll get it before the end of the trip."
Rose laughed. "You've got it! Price no object, right?" "I'll let you know after a few days on the high seas..."
"I'll be there within a half hour. Don't worry--I'll bet I get there before the ship launches."
"No way you will, Rose. I know you and a jewelry store!"
CLICK!


One more quick call.
"Eleanor? Phone calls have been placed and all three are waiting in their rooms for me. Billy Bob even got us a suite. How are things at Pier 43?"
Eleanor said, "I'm standing here on the pier and The Socrates has just launched. I see...water surrounding all four sides of it...and there it goes out of New York Harbour and into the deep blue Atlantic."
Rose laughed. "Bring me that horizon."
"How did it go?"
"I placed myself in various shops and they all bought it. They are expecting me half an hour after the launch. By that time it will be too late to do anything about it. I appreciate you going down to the pier to make sure it left."
"No problem, honey. I must say I am thoroughly enjoying your payback vendetta."
"El--I AM doing the right thing...am I?"
"Rose, stop worrying. The three of them were in cahoots to try to bust up your marriage AGAIN. They need to be taught a lesson in manners."
"Thanks again, Eleanor."
"My pleasure, Rosamond. Kiss John and the kids for me and have a great time skiing. Just forget everything here. If they call, I'll play it by ear. Call me tomorrow and I'll let you know if there is any fallout."
"OK--here comes John! Bye!"
CLICK!

"Honey, come on, let's go. There's snow predicted and I want to be settled in our condo before it comes."
Rose tucked her arm through John's and picked up her bag. Julie rested in John's other arm and Will dragged his suitcase full of video games. She looked at the three of them and said, "You know, I think I'm going to be afraid to go home! And I mean it!"
And they walked to get their luggage, intent on making this the best vacation ever.


ROSAMOND'S REVENGE....by Terri

Daniel looked out of the stateroom. Manhattan got smaller and smaller. Damn, where is she? He looked at his watch. Her half hour is almost up. She should be here any minute. Hope the menu is lousy, I don't feel like eating dinner with a bunch of people I don't know. He walked around the room. I must say, Rosamond had a terrific idea. Ten days on the high seas and Greece--the island of Eros! But I'll be at that point long before we anchor!
Daniel dropped his clothes and slid into the bed. He lit a cigarette and laid in the semi-darkness, arm folded behind his head. For Pete's sake, Rose, hurry up!
We've been on this ship almost an hour--and that's an hour wasted! A knock on the door. Ah, she forgot her key! He grabbed one of the terrycloth robe that he had been expecting to be there and slipped out of bed.
"It's about time, darling!" he said as he opened the door.
"Who the hell are you?" he said to the man in the uniform standing there. "I'm sorry, sir. I am the steward for your cabin. My name is Marco. Remember that. M-A-R-,,,"
"Yeah, yeah... what do you want, Marco?"
Marco handed Daniel an envelope. "For please, sir, this was left for you with instructions to be delivered."
Daniel took it and shut the door. He walked over to the porthole for the light. Pink paper. It's her handwriting. What is she doing sending me a note when she should be here? He ripped it open and read:

'Daniel---I hope you are enjoying your cruise so far. I'm doing you the courtesy of letting you know that I am in Steamboat Springs with John and the children.'
"WHAT???" He resumed reading.
'I was aware of your trickery as soon as I reached Southold. I know you are not smart enough to hatch this scheme up all by yourself. Oh, don't feel like you have been singled out. Punishment is being meted out to them, too. In the time I have known you, you have dealt treacherously with your brother, you have used me for your own selfish purposes. Because of your interference, I did not marry the man I really loved for the longest time. Now you will know what it is like to be lied to and had. Enjoy your cruise because you have fourteen days by yourself to contemplate the dirty trick you tried to play on John and me. And one other thing, Daniel...YOU CAN PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON NOW!'
Daniel stood there trying to comprehend what just happened. He tore the note into little pieces, kicked the bed and yelled, "AWWWW.....HELL!!!!"

Henry paced the stateroom back and forth. Gads! That wench will be the death of me yet. Wait, what was that 21st century word Montgomery told me? BABE! That's it!
Babe. He picked up the phone and examined it. OK--the one with the little holes goes on your EAR. He practiced hanging up and putting it to his ear several times.
He took his sword out of its scabbard from the garment bag. He practiced a few fencing moves. Doesn't seem to be much use for it in the 21st century. I just want to spend a couple weeks with her with no one, not that Eleanor breathing down my neck. Should have locked her in that nunnery and threw away the key. Damn William and his cocktail party. Still, I must admit the 21st century does have some things to draw you to it. Like the neat clothes women wear now. Ye gads! What do I do? My kingdom for a 21st century life. Got to get it through my head I am not a king. At least not here.

He picked up a magazine. Hmm...THIS is what is ruling Britain now? THEY GOTTA BE KIDDING! A woman? Fifty years now? And look at her wanna-be king. He threw the magazine down in disgust. Back then men knew how to be men and women knew how to be submissive....
A knock on the door. About freaking time, wench..babe..ROSAMOND! He opened the door and bellowed, "What pray tell...OH! May I help you?" The man looked around him. "No, sir, it is I who is here to help YOU. I am your steward, Giorgio. This note was to be delivered to the gentleman in Rosamond Gwinnett's stateroom. Since you are the only gentleman, I am guessing it is for you."

Henry snatched the paper. "Thanks," and shut the door. What the hell is going on here? He looked at the envelope. 'Henry" in her handwriting. Why is she sending me a note from the magazine store? He ripped it open and read the following:
'Henry--by the time you read this you will be out to sea. Look out the window. Yes, go ahead...see any land?'
Henry looked out his porthole. No land. How did she know?
It continued--
'I am informing you that you will have fourteen days to contemplate every little thing that you have ever done to me. Shall I reiterate it for you in case you may have forgotten? For starters, you took me to your bed at the tender age of sixteen. Oh, and by the way--you try that in the 21st century in America and you are looking at our equivalent of your dungeon. I had a baby before I was eighteen. You kept me under your thumb, flouting me in front of your wife. Who since has become my best friend. That alone should make you squirm. When I finally broke free from you, I found a wonderful man who loves and cherishes me. He treats me with respect, something which you have never done. And you tried to kill him in a 'hunting accident.' Then there was that little incident when I ran away to my parents. You slapped me and brought me back to Windsor. You drank too much claret and disaster resulted. You big bully! Then at the deTonei castle you threatened to run both Hotspur Percy and I through with a sword. Now you show up in the 21st century trying to recapture both me and Will.
If you haven't gotten it by now, I AM NOT ON THE SHIP. I am on vacation with my husband. The one you tried make me think was leaving me. Don't deny this,. it has the earmark of you and a few others. And here is one other thing that you may mull over. Before we left, we received papers from the Westchester county court. Will has been officially adopted by John and his name is now William deClifford Gwinnett and his father is John Gwinnett. The law says so. Enjoy your trip, everything is paid for. Even the food.
Rosamond.'


Henry took out his dagger and skewered the note to the wall.
"DRAT!"

"Steward? I'd like a dozen--no, make that two dozen--red and white roses sent up to suite 234. Can you do it in the next five minutes?....no, the timing is crucial...well, she's going to be here in the next half hour....yes, it IS the honeymoon suite...what? Wonderful!....and caviar and another bottle of Dom Perignon...yes, I want everything to be perfect! Thank you!"
Billy Bob hung up with satisfaction. That's my girl,. down in the gift shop trying on diamonds and rubies. This trip may cost me a pretty bauble or two but if I get her and the baby back, it will be worth it. I'm older but wiser. No more cave-man Texas attitude. I think I've learned my lesson and Gwinnett is shown up for what he is. A two-timing jackass.
Billy Bob ran a shaver over his face and slipped into a silk robe. He put on some after shave--wasn't it Stetson that she likes so well?

A knock at the door. "Your roses, sir."
"Fine, set them over there."
"And the caviar, sir. Along with the Dom Perignon. Anything else?"
"Yes. A Do Not Disturb sign. Oh--and when do we sail?"
"In five minutes, sir."
"OK--thanks."
Rose will be here pretty soon, he thought. He put more ice in the champagne bucket.
He turned the sheets back and sprinkled some rose petals on the bed and laid a single red rose on her pillow. Isn't that what women want? What they expect?
Ah, Rosamond, it's to make up for the quickie wedding we had. I swear, doll, I'll make it up to you.

Billy Bob checked his watch. It's been a half hour now. Come on, Sugah! The ice is melting, the champagne is cold..and I can't wait much longer! He dimmed the lights and lit the candles. Good thing I got the suite. Yep, tonight's the night for feelin' alright. He put on some romantic jazz, turning the volume down to oh, just so right..We'll be making love the whole night through....
He looked again. We've been out to sea an hour now...how much jewelry is there?
He picked up the phone to be connected to the jewelry shop when there was a knock on the door.
It's about time! He rubbed his face---yep, nice shave. He ran his hands through his hair and adjusted the belt on his silk robe. He opened the door. "Hey, Diamond Girl, I was just about to call the jewelry store...OH! Yes?"
The steward looked embarrassed. "Mister Montgomery? I am your steward--Milos. I have a letter to be delivered to you."
He turned to go. Billy Bob said, "By the way, did you see a slim blonde woman about yay-high in this area?"
Milos said, "No, sir. These are the honeymoon suites. Rarely do I see anyone loitering in THIS area!"
"OK--thanks!"
Billy Bob opened the envelope. What the hell is going on? Could this be a bill already for any jewelry she's bought already...?"
He opened the pink paper and couldn't believe the words that were swimming in front of his eyes. It read--

"William Montgomery---By now you have been sailing for about an hour. No doubt you have the champagne chilled and the lights dimmed and some soft romantic music playing. Don't deny it. I know you sooo well. So well in fact that it took me about twenty seconds to figure out who was behind the big Let's-send-Gwinnett-to-Southold-never-to-be-heard-from-again-scheme. So let's see if YOU can figure out THIS one.
I have known you for two years, right? In that two years I have seen a chameleon. A man who can turn the charm on--and it is devastating--when he wants to, as long as it serves his purpose. And I have seen a man who can be ruthless and do what is necessary. Whatever is necessary. The only saving factor is that you are not Sicilian. The man I fell in love with at the time was the man who wooed me at the Dew Drop Inn. The man who took me to Austin. The man who took me to New Orleans. That man disappeared as soon as he put the wedding band on my finger. The man who didn't have the...nerve...to tell me he had a wife. The man who basically just shacked up with me. Because of your possessiveness and jealousy, I don't know how many times you kicked the bedroom door in. You tried to keep me under lock and key. You controlled my every move. If I had gone to Dr. Bidwell like I had wanted, he would have seen that I was ready to have the baby. Instead I gave birth at home during a terrible storm. And I never told you,. but John DID deliver the baby. You humiliated me at Bethia's wedding. You let your mother run roughshod over me. Then you up and left me to believe that you were dead. I was twenty-two and I had to plan a funeral for a murdered husband. You could have gotten word to me. Instead you enlisted the help of your friends and let me go ahead with that charade. Then when I went to Paris, you made me think I was losing my mind by playing your headgames. Then you burst into my wedding and expected me to run off with you and leave my husband at the altar.

Now you have played a cruel and vicious game with me, getting those other two to help you. Trying to make me think my husband ran off with another woman. Tell me, Montgomery, which one of you was going to be the 'consolation guy/? Or were you three going to battle each other to see who got the spoils of war and win fair maiden's heart..and whatever else you were expecting to win?
Life is a journey and John is the journey's end for me.
Have you figured it out yet? You're one of the most brilliant men I know. So I am betting you have this figured out. But at this moment, we are traveling in opposite directions, both literally and figuratively. I am enjoying a long-overdue vacation with my husband and children in Colorado.
You have paid for this trip. Enjoy it. Enjoy your party of one at a table for two. Oh and by the way.....HAPPY THANKSGIVIING. To you and the other two turkeys.
Love, Rosamond Gwinnett

Billy Bob sat down and stared at the paper. I've been had? I'VE BEEN HAD!! She planned this....from the beginning? But....but..but...I was the one who asked HER to go on this cruise. Wasn't I? I'm SURE I was the one who suggested it.
Billy Bob walked over to the champagne chilling in the icebucket. He calmly took the Dom Perignon out and took his penknife and peeled the foil off the bottle. He popped the cork. And drank one entire bottle himself......by himself.

Rosamond looked out the window of the condo. Out in the snow under the moonlight, Will and John were rolling snow into a snowman. Julie was sleeping in the other room. Rose walked over and covered her with a blanket. She stirred slightly.
She watched again as John and Will started throwing snowballs at each other.
Rose had an incredible feeling of contentment and satisfaction that she hadn't felt in a long time. A very long time. A feeling of peace.
John and Will came stomping in shortly afterwards. Will was laughing. "Did you see Daddy and me? We made a snowman with a moustache. He's kind of shaped like Poppy William! Come see, Mommy!"
He dragged Rosamond out to the porch to proudly show her the snowman. Rose and Will came back on the porch and John had made Will some hot chocolate.

Within half an hour, Will was in bed and Rose and John were sitting on the floor in front of the fire. They had a bottle of Cognac and some popcorn and watched the flames dance around. They sat propped up on pillows and John had his arm around Rose.
"Mmm..." Rose sighed.
"What is it, darling?"
"I've never been so happy in my life. This is it. This is what I have searched for my entire life, darling."
"Mother was right."
"What, John?"
"She said , 'Mama can't buy you love. You have to earn it for yourself' " Rose looked deep into John's eyes. "I want to live my life with only you. Life is a journey and you're the journey's end."
John put his fingers under her chin and tilted her head to kiss her. A radio played "Sweet Love' softly in the background.
And Rosamond's evening was filled with love and romance. Which she richly deserved.


WAIT'LL YOU HEAR THIS!............by Coralynn

Beth and Roger poke their heads into the dining room, "Eleanor?" they call out.
"I'm in the kitchen, come on back!" they hear from the back of the house.
"What's the family meeting about?" Beth asks as she draws off a cup of coffee.
"Sit," is all Eleanor replies.
After they have done so, she goes on, "I want everyone to know the coup Rose just pulled off. I'm having the guys from the castle, the blue house, the house on Elmwood, everyone, even Bess' boyfriend Slim, come over to hear this. You'll love it!"
"I hear people arriving now," Beth remarks as the doorbell rings. El runs to the front door and lets them in. "What's this about, Eleanor?" Beth hears Rafe ask.
"Just wait'll you hear!" Eleanor laughs, "Now, who are we missing? Ooooppps, Marthy. Jack, can you go to Marthy's room and knock on the door and tell her to get her lovely self out here?"
"Gladly!" he says as he goes to her room on the first floor.

Before long everyone is gathered around the dining room table. "Why the huge meeting?" William asks suspiciously, "Do we have more time travelers in our midst, please say it isn't so, with apologies to you, Elizabeth."
Since Eliz has no idea what goes on at these 'family meetings' she doesn't react.

"OK, now......wait'll you hear.......Let me digress, though. You all know the stinkin', lousy trick Henry, Daniel and Billy Bob Montgomery played on Rose, right?"
"I did NOT!" Henry8 says defensively, "I'm innocent. I have no idea what you're talking about, Eleanor, but ....."
"No, no, not you Henry," she cuts him off, "Henry the Second. Surely you remember him, the louse I was married to in the 12th Century. The creep who used Rosamond as his mistress. The jerk who was brought into our midst by WandaSue Skaggs. You know about that, Slim? What your sister did?"
"I heard!" he frowns, "She still hasn't straightened out her act!"
"Precisely! OK, so Henry, Daniel and BB had big, huge pay-back due them!"
"I was working on a way to get back at them, Eleanor! I just haven't finialized my scheme!" William protests.
"Cool it, William, now you don't have to. Our girl, Rosamond, has done it for you, for all of us, and mostly for herself."
"How?" everyone asks as in one voice.
"You know that John and Rose are off skiing in Colorado. Before they left, she and I hatched a plot to pay-back those three miscreants. This is what she did: she met with each of them individually and told them they were really her true love...."
"She WHAT?!" Jerry blurts out.
"Now, now, Jerry, calm down. It gets better....much better! Then, the next day she phoned each one and said she had to get away.....with them. Or with him, as each one got his own call. She suggested they run off together on a cruise to Greece."
"Greece?!" there is buzzing around the table.
"Sure! It's far away, and once out to sea, they would have no way to get back here easily. She booked three staterooms, one for each, telling them she would meet them in the stateroom before the ship sailed. Once she was sure they were all on board, and believe me, they showed up with bells on........I watched from a safe distance.........but they didn't see each other....."
"Then what?" Bess asks eagerly.
"She phoned them in their state rooms, each one, and told them she was in the giftshop or someplace like that, which was several decks below where their room was, and she'd be up shortly. That ploy guaranteed they'd stay on board till the ship was out to sea. Then.....then.......and this is the best part......"
"I'm going nuts! Then what?" Marilyn asks, leaning forward on the table toward Eleanor.
"She had it pre-arranged that an hour after the ship sailed, the steward of the rooms deliver hand-written, by her of course, notes, in which she spells out their various crimes and why they are on a cruise to Greece without her. She made copies. I have them.......wanna hear?"
"YES!" everyone choruses.
Eleanor then reads them off one by one. By the time she finishes the one Rose wrote BB, the group is cheering.
William shakes his head and says, loud and clear, "Our little girl has certainly come into her own! I'm proud of her......she's developed a backbone at last," then, glancing at Eleanor, adds, "It must be your influence on her, El. You were never one to put up with nonsense, so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!"
"It's not me, William. She has finally discovered herself......that she has a functioning brain and is she ever putting it to good use!"
Hotspur stands and lifts his glass, "Three cheers for Rosamond!" and they toast her in absentia.


MAKE IT ONE FOR MY BABY, and............by Coralynn

Daniel paces in his stateroom. "Damn!" he keeps saying aloud to the walls, "She stood me up! And for John? The guy she said was cheating on her? She lied! I hate liars!"
He sits on his bed, which has now become a bed for one, and runs his fingers through his disheaveled hair. "Gotta have a drink! There has to be a bar onboard this tub somewhere!"
He pokes his head out into the hallway and sees the steward. "HEY!" he yells at him, "Where's the bar on this thing?"
"Deck 5, sir," the steward answers as the goes about his duties.
Daniel quick puts on the rest of his clothes, runs a comb through his hair and exits the room. After taking the stairs to deck 5, he soon spots the bar and goes in. Not too many people in there this early in the cruise, he sees, so he takes a barstool and is asked for his order.
"Three bottles of Bud, lined up just so...." he indicates how he wants them placed in a row.
The Bud is put on the bar in front of him, as he asks the bartender, "You ever get stood up, buddy?"
"By......"
"A woman! Who else?!"
"Actually, no."
"Well I have! She said she'd meet me on the ship, then had a letter delivered to the stateroom saying she never intended to show up. What do you make of that?"
"You must have done something to offend her, sir...."

Henry throws his sword down on the bed, where it slices into the bedspread, making a 6 inch rent.
Snatching up the sword he completes the destruction by slicing several more rips in it, but on just one side of the bed.
"Take that, Rosamond! And that!" he yells as he all but destroys half the spread.
Satisfied that he's done a through job of demolishing where Rose was supposed to lie, he thinks, "Gotta have a drink! I don't suppose they have a place here that serves mead." He pokes his head out into the hallway and sees a steward delivering towels.
"I say there, is there a place onboard that serves mead?" he asks the man.
"What's mead?"
"You drink it till you feel good, or pass out, or throw up!" Henry says impatiently.
"Oh, then, you want the bar, sir. On deck five."

Henry grabs the key to his stateroom, jams it into his pocket and strides toward the bank of elevators. One is already there with its door open, so he enters and sees buttons with numbers on them. Five, huh? He pushes the button that shows a 5. The doors close on him which causes him to feel panicked. I'm trapped in here, he thinks, My God, how do people stand these contraptions? Get me out of here!
Just before he freaks out totally, the elevator comes to a half and the door opens again. He bolts out and walks around level 5. Hmmmm, big tables with some kind of shirts on them.......I shall look at those later. Right now I need a drink of mead or something, what do they call it here, beer? Horrible stuff, but I'm too upset to be choosy.
Spying the bar, he enters. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim light, and by the time he can see well again, he's seated at a barstool.
"What'll you have?" the bartender asks.
"I don't suppose you have any mead here," Henry begins.
"Nope. No mead; never heard of the stuff."
"Then beer," Henry sees that he's stuck with that bitter drink. He looks around the bar......only three other guys in here.......that man over there looks like he's been drinking all day.....he can barely stay on the barstool. Disgusting. Then that guy over there.......just a minute........just a minute!.....that's......could it be? Daniel?
He stares at the man who looks like Daniel, who appears to be staring right back at him.
"Daniel?" he asks incredulously.
Daniel moves to the barstool beside Henry's, bringing all three bottles of Bud with him.
"What are YOU doing here?" Daniel asks almost accusingly.
"I was stood up by fair Rosamond!" Henry declares.
"You too!?"
"What do you mean, Daniel, that you...."
"She promised to meet me on this ship. Said we should get away and rekindle our love...."
"Please! Don't make me retch!" Henry glares at Daniel, "She told me the same thing!"
"That bitch! She made fools of us both. I should have known better, but she was so convincing. You, too?" he sighs audibly, "Looks like the two of us are going to Greece together, Henry. This was not what I had in mind, going on a cruise with you!" Daniel say angrily.
"Don't get angry with ME," Henry says belligerantly, "I don't fancy a trip with you, either, Daniel. The two of us........losers........" the breaks off mid-sentence as his glance comes to rest on anther man entering the bar. "Billy Bob? Daniel! Do you see what I think I see? Over there.......right.......that man sure looks like BB Montgomery."
"He sure does! Hey! BB! Over here!" Daniel calls out.
BB can't believe what his eyes are telling him and he blinks several times to clear the fog out of his brain. Henry? Daniel?
He approaches them, "What are you two doing here?"
Henry shakes his head in disbelief, "Same thing you are, BB, my friend. Rose has played the same dirty trick on all three of us. And we fell for it!"
BB, having already consumed one bottle on Dom Perignon, sits and puts his head down on his arms on the bar, "I can't believe this! She did it to all three of us! Why!?"
The bartender, who has found it impossible not to overhear these converstations, appears in front of BB to take his order and asks, "The same woman ditched all three of you? I must say there, sirs, this must be some woman! What did you all do to tick her off?"
BB looks at Daniel, who looks at Henry, who looks back at BB, and they all say, "You don't wanna know!!"




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