Time and Chance, by Sharon Kay Penman

WHO ARE THESE WOMEN?!.......by Terri

El and Rose came down to breakfast at the same time. Rose whispered to Eleanor, "Were you able to read the rest of the story?"
El said, "Are you kidding? Those women are very prolific! But fascinating! Wonder if they'll ever get published?"
They both looked at Celeste. She shrugged. "I don't know. I foresee that they don't want to be bothered by deadlines. They seem to be having fun and it is an outlet for their creativity. Coralynn has a knack for putting it all together. Terri just wants to worry about what dress to wear to a Barnes and Noble booksigning!"
Rose and El both laughed. "I think we see some of ouselves in them!"

Rose whispered to Eleanor, "Did you check the guestbook out anymore?"
El looked around for the men, saw none and said, "There is some VERY weird stuff on it! Aside from the usual 'Good job' and 'LOVE it' , there is someone who calls himself "KIng Richard". OH! And a Fryer Dan--can you believe it? Rose, did you ever know a Fryer Dan?"
Rose bit into her toast and said slowly, "Hmmm....maybe he means FRIAR Dan, like a monk or priest. Certainly not a fry-cook at a KFC! Maybe it was 'Pheasants R Us"!
Rose and El both laughed.
Rose said, "What did he say?"
"Oh, both of them seem to want to string the other one up! It was quite amusing!
Then a Welsh Wench came along and threatened to put a curse on everyone!" El leaned over conspiratorially. "Personally, I think the Welsh Wench is Terri! I looked at the authors' pictures. Good-looking women! They look very intelligent and vital! Coralynn looks right at home with Sharon Kay Penman at a booksigning. OH! And that Terri? Picture of her with a VERY good looking guy at a RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL!! Now, someone claiming to be my John--which I doubt--says 'he looks like my brother Richard'. Maybe around the eyes. Looks like these women have fun--you can tell by the crinkles around their eyes."
Rose said, "Friar Dan....Friar Dan....it DOES ring a bell. I'll have to think about that one..."
El laughed. "OH! And a Neighbor Bob? TOTALLY out there. Must cook breakfast at a Denny's or something....obsessed with breakfast food!" Both of them laughed and whispered until William and John came in the room.
William said, "What are the two of you whispering about?"
El said, "Oh...breakfast!"
Rose handed John a grapefruit and said, "Thanks for waiting up for me last night---NOT!!"
John kissed the top of her head. "Sorry! I told you, the offer expired at midnight."
Rose scowled. "I was only five minutes late!"
John said, "Bingo!"

Eleanor threw her napkin down and said,"I'm ready to go. I have to deal with both Henry AND that horrid Penelope Patterson!"
Rose said, "I was thinking, maybe we should carpool. Since you and I have so many scenes with each other and Henry, let's you and I drive together. Marthy and Bess have already left with Jack and Mike. And Hotspur went with Rafe. I have NO idea what Daniel is doing, nor do I care." Then to Celeste, she said, "John has the day off so he will be in charge of Julie!"
Celeste said, "Ok, but I shall be here to help out."
El said, "Let me get my purse and we are out of here."


They drove into Manhattan and El parked her car in the studio parking garage. "Where are you today, El?"
"Filming the 'Maud' scene. What are YOU doing?"
"This morning putting a lock and key on my wardrobe. That wasted a half day of filming. Ben Savitch is playing my father. We are going to jump to the scene where my sister and mother and I show up and Walter Clifford is asking if there is room at the castle. UGH! That is the scene where I meet Henry outside and practically throw myself at him! I'll see you later."

Marty stuck his head in Wardrobe. "Rose, honey? Are you all set?"
"Just about."
Gwen pulled Rose's dress over her head and started to tighten the corset." OOOF! Rose said. Gwen looked at the seams. "Looks fine to me. I guess your boobs just naturally pop up with these dresses." Rose said without thinking, "They always did."
"What, Rose?"
"Nothing."
As Rose stood on the set and waited for her cues, someone stood next to her and hot breath hit her neck. She was so intent on her lines that she didn't pay any attention to it.
"Well, well...little Miss de Clifford!" Rose looked up....and felt a mometary panic. For it was her own personal nemesis...Henry the Second!

Rosamond kept her cool. She said frostily, "What is it you want NOW, Curtmantle?"
Henry was astonished. "CURTMANTLE? CURTMANTLE?"
Rose said, "Oh, I'm sorry--should I call you Angevin? Or shall we just make it, Hey! YOU! Lousy Lover! Gotta tell you, Henry. I need to thank you."
"Thank me?"
"Yes--where else did you think I honed my acting skills?"
Before Henry had a chance to backhand her, since he didn't know about abuse laws in the 21st century, Marty called, "HENRY! ROSAMOND! We are doing that scene where Henry gets the letter from de Montfort. I believe that is on page....284! Yes! 284 of the book. Let's run it through."
Henry's head was reverberating with the insults from Rosamond. How dare she! If I hadn't elevated her to Royal Ho-bag, she's be stuck in the 12th century probably married to that big ox, Hotspur Percy, popping out a brat every nine months and by the time she hit the 20th one, she'd be so worn out she'd die of childbed fever. Or he'd be so randy he'd kill her in a month--there'd be nothing left of her!
George, the director, drew chalk lines on the floor. "Henry----here!" Rose, --- over here."
Marty ran over,"OH! Rose, before I forget---is John coming down today?"
Rose said,"He's meeting me for lunch in the commisary."
"Great! Have him stop in, I need to see him about something!"
Henry scowled. "Can't we just get ON with it?"
Rose glared at him. "Shut up, Henry!" Then she whispered, "See? I can say that now and there isn't a damn thing you can do to me!" Rose closed her eyes to get focused and get into character. She heard Marty say, "....ACTION!"
Rose stood several feet from Henry. As the scene went on and she and Henry played off each other, Rose thought to herself. You can do this! You can act! You were married for a year to Billy Bob and he never knew a thing....ACT! ACT! ACT!

They finally came to the scene where Rose said, "I did realize what my father had in mind. I am indeed an innocent, as you say. But I am not a child. Of course I understood. What you do not understand is that I was willing. I wanted to come. I wanted to be with you." She paused like Miss Penman had written in the book and then continued."You must think I am shameless...."
Henry closed the distance between them, slid his fingers under her chin and tilted her face up to his. He blurted out, "Rose! Darling! I knew you would come to your senses! No one thrilled me like you did. Now dump your husband, let's grab Will and go HOME!"
"CUT!" George yelled.

Rosamond pushed Henry away from her. She brushed her hair out of her eyes and yelled, "Are you out of your mind?" Her head was in a whirl for fear of how to handle Henry's revealing outburst.
Marty ran up to them fanning the script. "That's not what it says! That's not what it says!"
Henry's eyes never left Rosamond's face. He said softly, "I can't help it. It's what I feel."
Rosamond's chest was heaving, trying to catch her breath. Marty looked from one to another. "You two knew each other before?"
Henry turned to Marty and said, "Who do you think the father of little Will is, anyway?"
Rose threw her script down. "Thanks alot, Henry! Now you blew it!" and strode off the set.
Henry turned to Marty. "I didn't mean to upset her. I just want her and Will back."
Marty ran his hands through his hair. "I don't get it....you...and HER? ROSE? But...but...but...you are so much older than her!"
Henry sniffed, "I beg your pardon! I am only 40. She's got to be at least...what? 22 by now?"
Marty couldn't fathom it. "But--the child is six years old! You mean...she and you...she was....MY GOD, MAN! She was only sixteen when she had him!"
Henry said, "If it weren't for her faking that pregnancy, she'd still be where she belongs. Then she wouldn't have run off with William and Eleanor and never met John Gwinnett and fallen in love with that renegade. I hold him personally responsible for screwing up the good thing that we once had. Too bad I missed with that arrow!"
Henry walked off the set and headed outside to clear his head. Marty stood there scratching his head and wondering just what the hell happened?

George looked at his empty stage and no actors. The tapestry of hostility that Rosamond had woven hung in the air. He turned to Marty and threw his script down too. "NOW what do you suggest, Marty? I can't direct these people. They make Diana Ross look like a walk in the park! These relationships are more knotted than my five year old's shoelaces. TAKE THIRTY!!" He yelled to no one and walked off. Rosamond slammed the door to the wardrobe department. Gwen was poring over design books and looking at medieval costumes on websites. "You back so soon?" Rose pulled her dress over her head and got stuck. "Help me out of this! I have to meet John in fifteen minutes at the commisary. Although I may just have him take me out of this building all together." Gwen bounced Rose up and down in her dress, not unlike hitting a ketchup bottle on the bottom. Rose's head was stuck. "OW! OW! OW!" Gwen said, "It's your own fault, Rose. You should have stepped OUT of it!" Finally the dress gave way. "OW! MY NOSE!!" She rubbed it. "I have to find Eleanor. It's imperative!" She threw her sweater and jeans on and ran out of wardrobe, leaving Gwen with a handful of dress.

Rosamond walked briskly down the corridor. She saw Jack talking to one of the gaffers. "Jack? Have you seen Eleanor around here?" Jack pointed to the next room. "She may be in there with Marthy and Bess."
Rose opened the door. Marthy and Bess were in their costumes, looking online at the medieval customs. They turned to Rose. "ROSE! Did you know that crocodile dung was used in medieval times for.."
Rose looked distracted, "Yes, yes...I heard that, girls. But not by me! This is an emergency. Where is Eleanor?"
Marthy looked up from the computer again as Bess said, "Ewww!"
"She's over in makeup. Hey, Rose! Look at all the recipes for aphrodisiacs!"
Rose glanced over her shoulder as she walked out the door. "Now why do you think I make my own potions and lotions?"
Marthy and Bess stared at her retreating back with shock and/or amazement. "Ooooh...Rose!"
Rose said, "Later!"
Bess said, "I have a newfound respect for that girl!" and they both dissolved into giggles.

Rose found Eleanor just leaving the makeup department. She grabbed El's hand and said frantically, "I need your help. Damage control!" She opened the next room, which was a storeroom and was empty. "IN HERE!" She shoved Eleanor into it and closed the door.
"OK, Rose, what's so all-fired important?"
Rose tried to keep her voice from trembling. "Oh, nothing! Except that Henry fluffled his lines."
El fiddled with the lacings on her bodice. "That surprise you? He's not an actor!"
Rose grabbed El and shook her shoulders. "He asked me to run off with him in front of Marty!"
"So what? Marty is used to the palavering of actors."
"El, he told me to leave John, grab OUR son Will and go HOME!"
El said,"Whoopsie!"
Rose said, "Whoopsie is right. Marty is probably giving him the third degree right now!"
El said, "Damage control, Rose. Now here is what you tell Marty....."


UNHOLY DUO becomes TRIO............by Coralynn

Penelope is walking toward the studio door when she hears her name called. Turning in the direction from which the voices are coming, she sees the two women she met yesterday running up to her.
"Penelope! We just had the greatest idea! Wait'll ya hear!" WandaSue says excitedly.
"I want you to move in with me, the sooner the better!" Sally exclaims.
"Why, why I hardly know what to say! This is wonderful. When?"
"Today?" Sally suggests.
"I'll have to go home at lunch and get my things, but sure, that sounds perfect! Which town in Westchester County do you live in?"
"Chappaqua! My house is just a few blocks from where Rose lives, and Eleanor lives....."
"You're kidding!"
"Nope. It's an easy walk, isn't it WandaSue? We've been over to that house on Winding Willow pranking them, too. You should have been with us on Halloween!"
Penelope gets a devilish gleam in her eyes, "What a blast that must have been!"
"So, when do you think you'll be done today, Penelope?" WandaSue asks.
"Should be by four this afternoon......."
"Meet us out there in the parking area by the park...you know, the one you see as you're driving in?"
"Yes, I noticed it."
"See ya then!"
Penelope takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. This is perfect! Being in that town. Moving out of my parents' house where I have one cramped room that I have to share with my sister! YES! In a heartbeat! Little do they know that I have my 'things' already stashed in my car just in case they suggested this. Oh boy, Chappaqua, here I come!!"


IT WAS LIKE THIS, MARTY.........by Terri

Rose knocked on Marty's door.
"Come in!"
Rose tentatively opened the door and said in a small voice, "its me, Marty."
Marty was leaning back in his chair, an Alka-Seltzer in one hand and an icepack on his forehead. He had his eyes closed. He sat there moaning. "Headache, Marty?"
"That is putting it mildly, little lady!"
"Marty, I want to explain..."
"Damn right you are going to explain." He opened one eye and looked at Rose. "As Desi said to Lucy, 'Start 'splainin.'"
"You see, Marty, it was like this...."
"WERE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? That guy was probably 35 when you took up with him! And you only 16!!"
Rose rubbed her temples and sat down in the chair, defeated. OK, El, I am playing this just the way you told me to...look sorrowful, look woe-begone...

"It was in England. My parents were very strict. Very Church of England. My uncle was a cardinal (is that the way we rehearsed it, El? Or was he a bishop? Whatever...) and they were very religious. I wanted to become an actress which was one step above prostitution in their eyes. So I ran away and joined the Summer Shakespearean Festival which was the British equivalent to kids running off and joining the circus. I just left them a note. They told my sister, who was the only one who cared enough to keep in contact with me., that they never wanted to see me, that I was dead to them. I had a few bit parts, it was a traveling show, we did Shakespearean festivals in England and Scotland. Anyway, the company director ran off with the woman in charge of the music. He absconded with the money that was supposed to be paid to us. We were left stranded in Duncansby Head, Scotland."

By this time, Rose is really getting into the story. Embellished it to the max! She continued...
"Here we were with no money and stranded. Everyone else could wire home for money. I tried. The telegram came back, "Rosamond Clifford--deceased."
Marty whistled. Rose continued on, "You can imagine how devastated I was. Henry took pity on me. He had been an actor, he was 34. I was a naive 16 yr old. He offered me a cot by his fireplace in his flat in Lairn, Scotland. I had nowhere to go. Things were alright for a few days. He kept to himself. Then he got a letter from his girlfriend....er, Ellie! That's right! Her name was Ellie! He was hurt beyond compare and had been drinking claret. That was always his favorite drink. I put my arms around him and gave him a consolation hug. One thing led to another and I guess I didn't need that cot anymore. It was only for a few months but by that time I found out I was pregnant with Will. I told him and asked him if he would marry me. He laughed and said 'No way' He told me that I had to stay there since I had nowhere to go and I was his mistress now..."
Marty was totally engrossed in the story by now.

Marty's mouth dropped open. Rose was totally out of control in her story by now.
"He said I was his sex slave and had to be there for him! He used to hit me sometimes. Finally, after he slapped me and passed out..." Rose paused and whipped up a few tears. Right about now, El? Isn't that the way we rehearsed it?
'OH, MARTY! IT WAS SO AWFUL! He was so...brutal! So....lustful!"
Marty shook his head in wonderment. "Rose, honey! I'm so sorry..."

Rose reached for a kleenex. OK, Rose--wipe the tears, right about....now. "After he..he....he..." another fresh round of tears. "I was able to loosen the ropes he kept me tied at night with and escaped out the window. I had gone into a pub to seek shelter since it was winter and I had only a light coat. Who should be there but William the Conqueror with Eleanor. He was dating her at the time. (Forgive me, El!) We were all together in the Shakespearean Festival. They had the opportunity to go to America and offered to hire me, too. I didn't tell William I was expecting until I was over here and it was too late. Henry found out I escaped and I think he tracked me down to America. I think he has been stalking and watching me the last few months. Starting with my marriage to Billy Bob. I never saw him until that Awards party. OH, MARTY! I am so frightened by him!"
Marty shook his head again. "Does John know? I mean,this whole sordid tale?"
Rose thought, uh, oh! Have I gone too far with this? No turning back now! Rose threw herself at Marty's feet. "OH, NO! Marty, I haven't told anyone the whole story until now! Not even John! He...he thinks that Will was just a little mistake from some backseat fumbling on a Saturdaynight! This would kill him! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T TELL JOHN!" Marty stroked her head and helped her to her feet. "Your secret is safe with me, Rose. I can't fire Henry, he signed a contract. Can you manage scenes with him?"
Rose squared her shoulders. "I am a professional, Marty! Watch me!" He gave her a hug and a pat on the back. "You'll be alright, Rose. You are strong!"
She smiled weakly at him and turned to go.
"OH, and Rose? One thing..."
Rose dabbed at her eyes and said, "y-yes, Marty?"
"Your story needs some work. There ARE no cardinals in the Church of England!" And he closed the door on her.

Eleanor was waiting for Rose at the end of the hall. As Rose walked by, she grabbed her arm. "Eleanor! You scared me half to death!"
"Never mind that, how did it go with Marty?"
Rose said, "I'm not sure. I thought he believed me but now I'm not so sure."
"Think he will try to verify the facts with John?"
Rose bit her lip. "I hope not. We wove a tale like you wouldn't believe!" As they walked down the hall, Rose asked, "Do they have bishops or cardinals in the Church of England?"
Eleanor said, "Bishops, my dear."
Rose's voice trailed off, "Oh, so THAT may be where I made my mistake...."

"So there you are! I have been all over the place looking for you! You were supposed to meet me at 1:00 PM." John said.
Rose kissed him, "Oh, darling! Thanks for bringing Julie! How's mommy's little precious?" She held her arms out and Julie went into them willingly. She smiled and Rose gave her a hug. People from the set stopped her.
"Rose, what a darling baby!"
"Oh, Rose, how sweet!"
"Looks just like her mommy!"
"Hey, John! Have anything to do with this? HA-HA!!"
From the sidelines Henry stood watching the scene.
He jumped a mile. "Damn, woman! You trying to give me a heart attack?"
Eleanor grabbed him by the arm and whirled him around. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am! I think it would be a positive thing for the world! She twisted his arm around his back. "Let's say you and I take a littel walk, shall we?"

"I'd really rather not, Eleanor."
"I don't really care what you want or don't want, Henry. You'll do as I say."
"OW!! You always were a big bully, Eleanor!"
Eleanor pushed Henry down the hall and out to a patio. "Just what are you trying to do?"
"Reclaim what is rightfully mine, Eleanor! Just what is mine!"
Eleanor exclaimed, "I wanted you to reclaim Toulouse, and would you? NO! Just because my foppish ex-husband was holed up there."
Henry snarled, "I don't know how many times I told you, he was the liege lord!"
Eleanor said, "Why don't you leave Rosamond alone?"
Henry retorted, "You always hated her, since when are you her champion?"
"Since we both realized you were a creep, Henry. You've screwed us both over. Leave her alone. She's happy. I've never seen her so happy. She's head over heels in love with the man. And if-you-don't-you-will-have-to-deal-with-me!" She punctuated each word with a smack on the back of his head.

"OW OW OW OW OW! Do that once more and I will have you put in a nunnery for the rest of your life. Where would that leave your new fancy man, huh? Tell me that! Besides, my son has royal blood! He needs to be raised where he can take advantage of his station in life. Gwinnett is a commoner! I'm taking him back with me. IF I decide to go back!"
Eleanor pinched him. "You may not have a choice, Hal! Touch one hair on that boy's head or come within 20 feet of him and I will have you arrested on charges you'd never dream of in your wildest dreams! Do I make myself clear?"
Eleanor turned on her heel and Henry called her a nasty name.

"How's it going, honey? No problems with Henry?"
"N-no, he pretty much says his lines and leaves me alone."
John held Julie on his lap while Rosamond grabbed a quick sandwich. As they sat there and talked, a shadow cast itself over the table. "So this is the young one. She's a beauty, Rosamond. Just like her mother."
Rose looked up and saw Henry. Her heart beat faster but she forced herself to remain calm. "Thank you." she said cooly.
"Pretty enough to be a Plantagenet." and walked off.
John did a slow burn. "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Rose said, "He always was one to start trouble."
Marty came up to Rose and John. "Rose, in light of what happened earlier today, why don't you go home now? I know you could use the time to spend with John here."
Rose said, "Really? I can?" as she took Julie from John's arms. "I want to show her to some of my coworkers, John. I'll be right back."
Marty sat down. "Don't worry, John, I'll look out for her, in view of what has happened in the past." "What?"
Marty said, "Just a little tension on the set. Tomorrow we go to Westchester county on location. Not too far from your house. So Rosamond should be back home at a decent time for the next few days."
John said, "What more can go wrong? All I need is Billy Bob Montgomery thrown into the mix."
Marty was curiously silent. "Uh, I'd better get back on the set, John." John looked at Marty's retreating figure and said, "Poor guy is under stress." He picked up Julie's stuff and went down the hall to meet Rosamond, blissfully unaware of the fireworks. In spite of it being November.


ROOMIES..............by Coralynn

Penelope is in the parking lot at 4 pm sharp. She glances around to see if WandaSue and Sally have arrived, but doesn't see them. She doesn't know the make of car they're driving, so she scans all of them.
Before she's done a thorough search, however, she sees a large Lincoln drive up. The windows go down and a now familiar voice yells out, "Over here, Penny!"
She waves her arms and smiles. Good. Looks like this is a 'go.'
Sally gets out of the car and runs over. "Just follow us. If for some reason you lose sight of us, WandaSue drew this map for you to follow. Takes you right to my house! I see you went and got your stuff."
"Sure did!" Penelope smiles widely.
"What about your furniture, though?" Sally's forehead creases.
"Oh that old stuff, not worth bringing!" Penelope waves the issue away. She's not telling these women that she's been living with her parents and 8 siblings in a 3-bedroom house. Doesn't sound very classy.
"OK, then, let's roll!" Sally then runs back and hops into WandaSue's Lincoln.

Penelope is able to follow them all the way to Sycamore Street where Sally's house is located. It's a nice, tidy little house, freshly painted. Might need a new roof in a year or so, Penelope speculates. She parks her car behind the Lincoln and hops out.
WandaSue and Sally help her carry in her belongings.
"Just stack everything in that bedroom," Sally suggests, "The closet in there is huge, and there are a couple dressers, so you should have room for everything."
Penelope is impressed with the amount of storage space in the bedroom. What an improvement over the way I've been living, she thinks. Gotta hit it off bigtime with these women if I plan to stay permanently. I think I can manage that.

WandaSue has stocked Sally's refrigerator with enough Hungry Man dinners to feed a Regiment, and, holding the freezer door open, asks, "Hey, Penny, ya want chicken, turkey or beef, or mealoaf?"
"Surprise me!" Penelope laughs as she sits at the obviously new table. Nice craftsmanship, she muses to herself, running her hands around the scrollwork on top, the letting her fingers follow it around to underneath the table. Hmmmmmm, a lump, what's that doing there? WandaSue sees Penelope bending over to look and tells her, "That's where I stash my crewing gum! Want some?"
Penelope is grossed out, but puts on a smile, changing the subject. "Hey, let's tell our experiences with Rose and that gang over on Winding Willow. If we pool our info, it can help us get back at them. OK?"
WandaSue slaps the chicken HungryMan dinner down in front of Penelope, and puts another into the microwave. Turning the timer, she joins Sally and P at the table. "Who wants to go first?"
"You go first, WandaSue!" Sally suggests, "You've known these people the longest. I just met them recently."
"Why? Where did you live before?" Penelope is curious.
WandaSue wonders if laying all the cards on the table might be wise about now. She'll be taking the chance that 'Penny' will think her totally demented and leave, but the truth of time travel is woven into their experiences too throughly to be left out of the explanation.
She begins.
"Penny, there's something you have to know because it's important to understand, otherwise a lot of our 'stories' have big gaping holes in them. And that is: many of the people we know are time travelers, including Sally here."
Penny's eyes become wider and she leans toward WandaSue across the table, which results in her chest grazing the HungryMan dinner, leaving gravy stains on her blouse. She's unaware of that, so continues to stare at WandaSue, waiting for more.
She looks at Sally, who then continues the explanation, "I lived in this city back in the 1730s. I owned some land. I also put a great deal of money in a chest that I buried in the back yard of that land, because I was sick and figured no sense having it around the place till I got well and could dig it up again. But I died. Typhoid fever, you know. So........Bethiah and Roger bought it. Bethiah is a time traveler, too, I think. Anyway, I must have been haunting their house, at least that's what they told me, because they decided to go back to 1733 and get me out of there before I died and bring me here, so I couldn't haunt the house anymore."
"Are you following this so far?" WandaSue asks Penny.
"Uhhhhh, yeah, I think so. So then what, Sally, how did you end up in this house?"
"Wellll, seems Bethia found the chest of coins that I buried in the yard, and when they brought me to the 21st century, they gave it to me and come to find out it was worth a million or so dollars. Easy to buy a house with that kind of money."
"WOW! They actually gave it back to you? They could have kept it!"
"Get the admiration out of your voice, Penny," WandaSue says sharply, "Of course they gave it back to her. They're so stinkin' rich that another million or so is like one dollar to the rest of us."
Penny decides to never again utter one positive word about their mutual enemies.
She asks, "Did you have a husband back in 1733, Sally?"
Sally pounds on the table, which sends the HungryMan dinner jumping. Penny steadies hers with her hand and wonders why Sally is getting so upset.
"NO! I hate men! Men are the oppresssors! Men are zile, loathsome, predators. My sister was married. She got beaten up. My mother got beaten up. I had one boyfriend when I was 15, and he slapped me around, too. NO MEN, I decided once and for all. The best of them is one step above the brutes and beasts that roam the forest."
Penny is taken aback. Wellll, she thinks, I'd better never have one positive word to say about men, either. What's left, though? How many other things am I going to have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, in order to live here?

"I must say I'm impressed!" Penny says as she takes a bite of her HungryMan dinner. By now the other two women are consuming theirs as well, WandaSue chewing away with her mouth open. Penny decides to never look at WandaSue while she's eating.
"How did Rose get to be your enemy, though?" she asks as she takes another bite.
"OK, Penny, here's the scoop.......I lived in Texas and married this guy when I was in my teens.....named Billy Bob Montgomery...."
Penny stops eating, riveted, "YOU know BB Montgomery!?"
"Yeah, I was married to him, but his family had the marriage annulled, or they thought they did, but the final papers were never signed, so to this very day I'm his legally wedded wife, which I remind him of on a regular basis. But HE went and married little miss goody-two-shoes there, Rosamond, gads what a name! So that made him a bigamist. She was in love with John Gwinett anyway, and cheated on BB like crazy. Long story short: his marriage to her was null and void. My marriage to him has never been dissolved. But, when he was reported murdered, she got all the attention and all the money in his will. I got one lousy dollar! SO!"
Penny is almost choking on her food, "He was my date for the Emmy awards!"
The other two women look at her, incredulous.
"Well, I knew he'd been married to Rose, and figured that if I took him to the awards ceremony, she'd see him and get nervous. She didn't, but my plan was good. She and that Eleanor the crazy Wonder Woman sportscaster, were too busy tying up Henry and stuffing him in a closet. Now I'd sure like to know more about that!"
"Oh yeah, Henry. HA! We brought him here from the 12th century for the same reason, to shake up little miss snooty, rich bitch. We won tickets to the awards, so we were there as well. I know, they tied him up and stuffed him in a closet, but he broke loose and...."
"I know.......Marty Henshaw offered him the part in Time and Chance! But, just a minute here, just a minute........you brought him here from the 12th century? How?"
"I had a time travel coin in the chest of coins dug up in the back yard," Sally explains. "WandaSue helped me use it."
"A coin took you to the 12th century?"
"Ohh yeah."
"Then the guy playing Henry the Second is really......."
"Henry the Second, none other!" WandaSue proclaims proudly, "We even stashed him in this house for a couple days. Now he's staying with Marty in Manhattan. Good thing, too, because we need the room for you. We thought we'd just whisk the jerk back to the 12th century when his usefullness was over, but....."
"I know, he's been on the set for a couple days now, walking around like some high mucky-muck! This is really something! Any other time travelers you know about?" By now Penny is hooked.
WandaSue runs down the list of probable suspects; every revelation makes Sally's jaw drop in shock. She basically sits through the meal with her lips never again touching each other.
WandaSue is on a roll, and gives Penny blow-by-blows, so to speak, of the 1692 Salem, MA adventure, as well as the Moses and the Exodus fiasco, plus her striking back by taking Rose to the Gold Rush.
"With that time travel coin, you two have all the chips!" Penny is overcome with the power of it all.
"One small problem........they have them, too. How do you think I landed in Salem and then in the desert?"
"Ohhhhh yeahhhhhh," Penny rethinks her estimation of the power of their position.
"We were also made invisible!" Sally adds, "Though we're still working on how that happened....."
Penny is beginning to wonder if this move of hers is to her advantage or whether she may have moved into a war zone, with occasional battle losses, but thinks, 'It's worth taking the chance! I love a good fight, but I've never been in one where the weapons were so bizarre!

They toss their empty dinners into the trash while Sally gets out huge bowls and fills them with ice cream. Ohhhhhh boy, there goes my diet! Penny thinks, resigning herself to gaining five pounds, but also gaining some great allies. Hmmm, I think it comes out even! she thinks as she pours butterscotch syrup on her ice cream.


ON LOCATION.........by Coralynn

The wind is cold on this November day, and, even with the sun shining, the cast members arrive wearing winter coats and jackets.
Marty is energized, and calls over the intercom: "Everyone! Annoucement! In here! Extras, small parts, major parts! NOW!"
Eleanor and Rose stand in the front row, their coats draped over their arms.
Wanda Sue and Sally stand in the back with the other extras, wondering why everyone has to be there, even them.
Penelope has positioned herself behind Rose and El, watching them out of the corner of her eye.
"Good news!" Marty announces, "The arrangements have been completed.....the head of the Studio has found the perfect place for our outdoor scenes. We're driving up there today. We have several large vans that can transport you all up there and back."
There is a general buzzing, and an actor in the middle of the room asks, "Where is this place?"
"Up in Westchester County!" Marty answers as George joins him at the head of the room.
George takes over, "Everyone is going to learn to ride a horse today. Even if you think you already know how, we have to check out your horsemanship. Now, the construction crew is already up at the property we're using, building what will look like a medieval town. We'll be on the other side of the property where there are many horse trails and, I'm happy to announce, many horses to ride as well."
Eleanor waves her hand up high and is recognized.
"Marty, George, some of us live up in that area. Why don't we drive independently, so that at the end of the day we'll have a short drive home?"
"That makes sense," George answers, and hands a paper to Cynthia, the secretary, who is told, "Go run off a couple dozen of these, would you?"
She disappears into another room.
"Any questions?"
A man in the back of the room, standing with the extras, asks in a loud voice, "Hey! I'm supposed to be a townsman. They're all on foot, so why should I learn how to ride a horse?"
"Excellent question!" George answers, "Because.....some of the extras who will be in the military, riding horses, may get sick, may fall off and break something, who knows what can happen.....and we need people to fill in those parts. OK?"
The man nods yes as Cynthia rushes in with an armful of maps to the "location" property, and hands them out to those who have their hands raised.
Eleanor and Rose peruse the map, then look at each other in amazement. "This is Billy Bob's ranch!" Rose whispers to Eleanor, who smiles and responds, "Ohh boy, this is going to be fun. You up for it, Rose?"
"I'm up for it if you are, El!"
"Then let's ditch this popsicle stand and hit the road!" They link arms and lead the procession out of the room.


RIDING TO THE RANGE............by Coralynn

Penelope holds back till most of the others have left the room, as do WandaSue and Sally, who now approach her.
WandaSue explains, "Had ta wait till Rosetramp was outa here....don't want her to see the three of us together.."
"My thoughts exactly!" Penelope smiles.
"Ya know, I like the way your mind works, Penny. Devious, like mine." WandaSue links arms with her.
"AND mine!" Sally adds.
They leave the building and proceed to the car they drove into the city, which is WandaSue's Lincoln, the plan being to alternate cars, every other day.
"Nice car!" Penny thumps the top as she gets into the front seat.
"I had a much better car," WandaSue explains as she puts the key into the ignition, "But something happened to it. I think Billy Bob burned it because it's gone.....I had it parked at his ranch, and when I went back to get it.........nothing but a bonfire. If he didn't burn it, he must have done something bad to it because, as I said, it's gone. I was so steamed about it that I took his Lincoln and told him that he'd get it back when he returned my Acura from wherever he put it."
"It was a blue Acurta, too," Sally adds, "A real honey of a car."
"That is so unfair of him!" Penelope commiserates. "And it's his ranch the studio is using for ourdoor location! Talk about coincidence. Think he has your Acura stashed in one of his barns out there? We could look!"
"Couldn't hurt!" WandaSue agrees as they start their northerly drive.

Meanwhile:

Eleanor, Rose, Marthy and Bess are five miles further up the road than WandaSue and her carpool. The exits off the freeway show they're getting closer and closer to the Ranch.
"Wonder if he'll be there," Rose muses out loud.
"Hope so!" Eleanor jokes, "He'll have a coronary when he sees US!"
"Celeste told us that WandaSue and Sally have a new partner in crime, with the letter "P".........well, that's Penelope Patterson. Definitely Penelope Patterson. So if those three show up, and we do, and the guys do, though he doesn't have any gripe with the guys, just John, and he's not going to be there......but just seeing the women he has problems with.......is going to be hysterical!" Rose exults.
"I can't wait!" Marthy and Bess chime in from the back seat.
"I think BB's kinda hot!" Bess comments, fanning herself with her script.
"Ohhhh no, Bess, don't your dare!" Marthy warns, "You have Slim, you don't need that Montgomery guy. He was nothing but trouble for Rose."
"I'm just kidding!" Bess laughs, "But you know who else is hot?"
"No, tell us," Bess urges.
"Nathan Sloan! You know, the guy who plays Owain. I have scenes with him, and if I had marshmallows with me, they'd be toasted!"
"A little mature for you, isn't he, Bess?" El calls from the front seat.
"He's helping me improve my acting skills, too, Eleanor, I mean he is being so nice to me it makes me eager to go to the set every day."
"I sense trouble there," Rose warns, "Not sure just what, but all is not as it appears with Nathan Sloan. For all you know, he has 3 wives in different towns, sort of like 'Captain's Paradise' plus one!"
"HUH?!"
"That's an old movie about a sea captain who has two wives, one on each end of his sailing route. Very funny movie."
"Well, I'm sure Nathan doesn't have a setup like that! I mean, he doesn't even wear a wedding ring!" Bess insists.
Rose and El laugh, then Rose turns to look at Bess, who doesn't understand the joke, and holds out her ring finger, "Look for tan lines. OR, even more possible......he's married but never wears a wedding band. Lots of men don't, you know."
"Well, they should! It should be a law!" Bess says in a huff, and the issue is dropped.

Eleanor pulls into the driveway of the ranch, goes to a parking area and turns off the engine, "OK, ladies, here we are! Let the games begin!"


BB'S NIGHTMARE COME TRUE...........by Coralynn

Billy Bob is grooming one of the horses and making sure they've all been watered properly in light of the coming days activities, when he sees vans and cars arrive in the carpark. So many? he thinks, looks like half of Manhattan has just driven up here. I was told this was a rather small production, well, I suppose it depends on what you mean by 'small.'
He hears many voices in the distance as the cast and crew gather.......and one loud voice over a megaphone, or is it a microphone? Ohhh, that must be George, the guy Pete told me about. Think I'll wander over and see what's up.

"We're going to learn to ride a horse in shifts," George tells them, "So, if you're an extra, you can sit over there and relax till we get the major actors run through. Rose, Rose! Oh good, you and Eleanor are first."
The closer BB gets to the group, the easier it is to see each person.....and just a minute, what did that George guy say about Rose and Eleanor? Must be some other Rose and Eleanor. Nobody has a copyright on those names. Ohhhhh, just a minute, that is Eleanor. What's she doing here? And if she's Eleanor, who's Rose?

Rose steps forward and strokes the horse's face, smiling at Marty, getting up on the horse and cantering down the path.
BB quickly steps behind a tree so she doesn't see him. Just a minute, he thinks, why am I hiding?? God knows Rose know who owns this place. No one told me Marty was involved with this! That trouble-maker; always trying to get Rose to come back to work in his stupid soap opera. He leaves his hiding place and strides toward Marty and George, greeting them, "Welcome to the ranch! I hope you find everything satisfactory!" Hand shakes are exchanged all round.
"This is a perfect location," George comments, "We especially appreciate your letting us build a set out here in the back. We promise to return your field to its original condition when we're done."
"How long do you think you'll be shooting out here?"
"Depends. Maybe three weeks, maybe six. We'll know more when we see how well the cast handles horses. Those battle scenes especially. I see you have a concern. We promise not to harm any of the animals. We have ways of making battle scenes look chaotic without having horses fall and break legs. That's unncessary."
BB is relieved, but still has a burning question to ask, "Who's starring in this film?"
Marty smiles broadly, "We got some of the best! Rose Gwinett, who you already know, Eleanor Aquitaine, Henry Plantagenet, I'm sure those last names are stage names, of course. We lucked out when we found Henry, though. He looks perfect. He even sounds perfect. Oh, there he is! Henry! Come on over and meet the owner of the ranch!"
Henry squints in the bright sunlight as he approaches the group. My God, he thinks, is that the guy we had at Court last Christmas? The one who showed us how to make beer and sing "Louie, Louie?"
The closer he gets, the more sure he is. Shocking them all, he throws his arms around BB and says happily, "So, we meet again! I can't tell you what a great time I had when you were at Cou......." and stop himself. Whooops, Henry, don't give it all away.
BB well remembers and smiles back. So, he thinks, Henry2 has gotten himself time traveled to the 21st century, has he? Then that was him at the Emmy Awards, not a double! I know there has to be a story there somewhere. I'll wait till we're alone and ask him.
"Rosamond and Eleanor are in this production," he tells BB as the two wander off a few steps, "They're making my life a living hell. Eleanor punched me in the stomach and told me off, then Rose smacked me around as well. Ohhhhh, and later I'll tell you how they locked me in a utility closet!"
BB tries not to laugh. Poor Henry, he has the worst luck with women. Sort of like me, he adds. He and I ought to join forces! I still wonder how he got here, though.
"Later on, Henry, when there aren't so many people around, come to the guest house......for lunch......and tell me how you got here....you know what I mean."
"Yes, I certainly do, Billy Bob. I'll be there at the stroke of midnight.....no, the stroke of noon.......anyway, see you there."
Marty and George call Henry over, as it's his turn to ride. He swiftly mounts the horse and goes off at a gallop. Marty is impressed, "That guy looks like he's ridden before, George. Look at him go! My word! He's wheeling around, going over there now. No, now he's coming back this way."
"He could help us train the others," George suggests. Marty nods his agreement.
Rose and Eleanor are riding abreast, enjoying the brisk fall day. Rose looks at Eleanor, then back to where BB is walking toward the barn, then back to Eleanor. "Think our host knows we're here, El?"
"I would bet money on it, Rose! My question is, does he know WandaSue and Sally and Penelope are here.......yet."
"Not yet is my guess. Ahhhhh, this is going to be most enjoyable, wouldn't you say?"
"Absolutely!"